Mcchocolate Chip Cookies...

I love peanut butter on bananas. I wear more mens clothing than i do womens. I can run effectively on 4 hours of sleep. I don't like to cry, and i'm pretty sure my pain tolerance level is higher than it should be.. or at least higher than most people. I hate how big my feet are. I can't walk away from a dare or a challenge. I feel naked without mascara. I can't walk in a straight line. I laugh sort of like a man.. and i have really big nail beds.

The only thing that makes each piece of this puzzle fit together and form something that makes sense (sort of) at the end is me.. big feet and all. Every quark.. every fault.. every guilty pleasure.. every imperfection.. They all make up the recipe of mcchocolate chip cookies. without each 'pinch of salt' the recipe would be incomplete.
Being human... we all have 'tasted' differently at different times in our lives. We've made mistakes.. which we hopefully learned from.. We've even taken the time to change some of our main ingredients. At the times where our cookies pretty much tasted like CRAP we usually had a couple pretty good cooks helpin us out to change the things that we needed to to make us into the lovely desserts we are today.

If you haven't caught on yet. Today's post is all about being comfortable in your own skin.

I'm pretty sure (alright i'm positive) that girls struggle with this more than guys do. It's probably the reason there's some odd cardinal rule about girls hating other girls in general.. where did that even come from? Most likely.. someone watched 'Mean girls' in another country.. thought that's how us 'cool americans act'.. brought it on their study abroad here.. and because they were 'cool and european' we followed their lead.. of generally just hating our own species.
commonnnn now.. no.
Duh. it obviously originated in the crap-hole of a place that every human being has to pass through.... high school.
There are times that feeling good being you isn't just hard.. it seems impossible.
The first one i'm gonna address is High school.

The thing that sucks about high school is that, in most people's lives.. its the time where they have NO IDEA who they are. NO IDEA what they stand for or what they want to do with their lives.. and they're surrounded by hundreds of other clueless teenagers to help make it more confusing that it should be. Where else could 2 people hate each other.. pretend to like each other.. and have no idea why they're doing either..?
If you are the same person as you were in high school either kudos to you for being such a mature human being back then.. or shame on you.. you drama queen.. for never changing.
High school is a time where insecure people feed off the insecurities of others. and yet.. it's one of the most influential times in our lives.
We look at everyone's dessert without ever trying it.. assuming it must be a certain way because of who they associate themselves with or what sports they play or how they do their hair. When in reality.. everyone is just trying to fit in.

The other thing that sucks about high school, is that in your high school years you develop the reputation that you will most likely carry for the rest of your life. "ohh that's that McCall girl.. i knew her in high school and...."
you will spend the rest of forever trying to live down lapses of judgement when you were 16 and thought streaking in inappropriate places was a good idea and letting 6 billion people that you didn't know come and dance on each other in your basement was the perfect idea of a party....
I still hear moms talk about people they knew in high school as "well... back in high school.." .. and hey i'm not sayin it's their fault.. that's the only time they knew them. But i challenge all of you to be comfortable enough with YOURSELF to give people second chances.. especially those people you only knew in high school.


My confession.. i wasn't the person i wanted to be in high school. If you knew me back then i'm sorry. After an earth quake of a break up i became insecure and didn't handle it in the best ways.. The real McCall that occasionally showed through is now not afraid to be who she is. I sincerely apologize if you were ever hurt by something i did or said in those years.

The second thing i'm going to address.. obviously has to do with boys.
Because we're all in a dating frenzy (admit it.. no you are not exempt from this) the vulnerability level in all of us raises like 12 points..
"does he like me..?" "does he think i'm pretty..?" "does she see my wash board abs that i've been working on for 6 years..?" "does he think my butt is big..?" "does he like her better than me..?"
because of the increase in vulnerability.. we become susceptible to the idea of changing ourselves to please someone else.
"if i was more like her.. he would like me more.."
although this may be true.. we have to look at it in a different light.
If you read my blog (you should..), take the challenge in the last post to become the very best YOU that you can be. Find yourself. Find out the kind of person that YOU want to be.
I recently had an experience where i lived, for the first time, COMPLETELY on my own. I lived in a place where i knew a handful of people within 3000 miles of my apartment. i didn't have room mates. i didn't have someone watching my every move.
During this time.. i dated myself. i got to know myself. and i BECAME myself.
i found out... that i like silence. ( i know right.. loud obnoxious mccall..?) That even when i have the time.. i like to shower rather than take a bath. i found out that i'm very independent and i CAN do things on my own but i absolutely want someone to take care of me.
i found out that i enjoy making other people happy.. it truly makes ME happy. That when i get dressed up.. i feel better about myself. That i like going to the grocery store. I'm happier when i'm productive every day.. but there's nothing i love more than snuggle movie time. And that i'm a waaaay bigger nerd than i thought.

Although i think my recipe is still being modified and perfected.. and i'm still continually becoming the woman i want to be.. the result will remain as mcchocolate chip cookies.. it's not gonna all of the sudden change to banana pancakes because someone wasn't in the mood for some bomb diggity cookies.

Become the best YOU that you can be.. and after that decide who fits into your life.
If you like you.. and you are truly the very best you that you can be..who cares if the guy you like is taking other girls out. who cares if you don't get a job because "you just didn't fit"... and who CARES if other people judge you for who you are!! Don't change!! you are the only you.
Take the time to decide for yourself.. chocolate or vanilla.. shaken or stirred.. prada or gucci.. or if you live in my world.. forever 21 or forever 21..

In "My Best Friends Wedding" Jewels and Kimmie have a similar conversation. Jewels is talking about Michael, Kimmie's fiance (who she is secretly in love with), and how he sits down at a restaurant and orders creme brule.. what could be better right? It's the opitome of desserts.. But suddenly while he's sitting there.. he changes his mind. He doesn't WANT creme brule.. he wants JELLO! Not because Jello is better than creme brule.. but because now.. he feels like JELLO! cuz jello is comfortable!! Kimmie of course breaks down at cries.."i can be jello!!! i have to be jello!!!" Jewels only comes back with, "No! creme brule could NEVER be jello.. its just not possible!"

BE creme brule... BE jello.. or heck.. BE mcchocolate chip cookies! don't be a combination. that would just be gross.


Soundtrack to my life song : "Who are you when I'm not Lookin" - Blake Shelton

Take one down.. pass it around.. NEEXXTTT..

other things on my mind..

Hot chocolate.. the only thing good about the winter.

Spring.. if it could hurry up that would be fabulous

Bear lake.. This summer.. you wont be seeing me anywhere else

Glitter toes.. i realllly need to get mine redone

and Room mates.. the best thing in a young girls life.. excellent room mates. mine are incredible.. i don't know how i got so lucky!

Challenge..
Take the time to appreciate the small miracles that happen every single day.. and the little things that make life more enjoyable..
like today for instance.. SUNSHINE!!!!! .. Vent sessions with people you haven't talked to in YEARS.. really cold ice water.. hugging til you feel silly for holding on so long.. chocolate pudding..


Second challenge...
take yourself on a date. wine and dine yourself. and get to know the person that lives inside of you. have a "run away bride experience" Try every. single. way. of preparing eggs.. and decide what YOU like best..
i'm not saying there's not room for improvement.. but once you decide the kind of dessert you're going to be.. every person and experience that comes in and out of your life will be perfecting the recipe.. milk chocolate vs semi sweet.. instead of telling you your cookies suck.. and they want cake.

until tomorrow!
xoxo
-Callymon