Tiaras.. sparkly dresses.. curtseys.. champagne glasses.. tea.. crumpets.. little tiny sandwiches on fine china.. white gloves.. kentucky derby hats.. pea coats..$50 million dollar saphire rings.. and a perfect prince right out of a story book.. SIGH.. the visions that make up the dreams of every girl who's ever lived.
Thank GOODNESS for direct tv! I have searched and recorded LITERALLY every single thing on the royal wedding and watched them over. and over. and over.. and OVER.
Yesterday me and mama kel.. who's just as obsessed as i am.. sat down and watched the 'William and Kate' movie about their romance.. If it's possible.. i fell even MORE in love with them. and him. if it's possible.
She's so sassy. He's so dreamy. She's so strong. He's so perfect. She's so stylish. He's so royal. It's like they were made for each other. One soul in 2 beings. I dont care who says she's common... she's extraordinary. And he.. puts prince charming to SHAME!
Kate proves something to the world . She's my inspiration. The real life cinderella.
She proves that class has absolutely nothing to do with money. That regality is a character and personality trait.. not a birth right. She was born a princess.. and because she acted like one.. she found her prince. literally. (or he found her... walking in a see-through black lace dress on a catwalk... either way.. they found each other)
When they had their terrible break up.. she was amazing. She not only refused to go to the tabloids.. where she could've gotten BANK for dirt on willy baby.. her own story.. and THEIR story.. She didn't sulk in a corner and wait for the sun to burn out. She got up. got out. got busy. and at least PRETENDED to be happy!
She should be the model breakup-ee. She didn't chase this prince down.. she gave him space!
She let him realize that she was the best thing he's ever had and chase HER down!
The tabloids became her best friend! printing pictures of her on the town smiling with new attractive men every 5 seconds! .. and you thought FACEBOOK could do damage?
Can you even imagine the lengths you would have to go to to get over PRINCE WILLIAM?! i mean common lets be honest here...
everyone after a break up plans to go up a couple steps on the dating latter.. so they can feel like their last break up was worth their tears... but. i'm sorry hun... there is NOTHING better than prince william!
She lived her life. she moved on.. i have absolutely NO idea how.. but she did it with a smile on her face!
Lets take a chapter from HER book and apply it to our lives..
You have the worst break up of your life.
All you want to do is run back into his arms.. knock down his door.. and BEG for him to come to his senses and come back to you..
You don't see your life with ANYONE else.. and you truly feel like you might die without him.
we're treating it like a math story problem..
So.. yes. you could curl in a ball and die.. kill your social life brutally and write a million sad sad songs cying on your baby grand piano. You would have a very valid reason to do so. You just lost Prince friggin WILLIAM. you have every right in the WORLD to die a slow and painful death... hey.. maybe he'll see you sad in the tabloids and think.. i just wanna make her happy again!
or... he'll see your sad sad face and think.. yes. thats pathetic.. i dont blame her for not being able to get over me.. i mean common.. i'm Prince friggin William.
So.. girls... we're gonna go buy a new dress. We're gonna hit the TOWN! and have as much fun as we possibly can!
kate got her mind off princey baby by joining a rowing team.. we're gonna hit the gym..
A very VERY smart woman once told me.. 'If you feel bad.. Look better'
the worse you feel.. the better you should look. it'll turn EVERYTHING around.
next advice?
Let him come to you!! Don't run back to him! give him the royal space he needs to clear his head and come to his senses. If he never does.. he never deserved you in the first place.. royalty or not.
Get on with your life. no sulking. No sad pictures in the Tabs. only smiles and hottness.
Go out with the girls... get yourself on some dates! Remember what it's like to HAVE FUN!!
make yourself the very best possible you you can be! That way.. if he never ends up coming back.. you've become your best royal self for someone else!
Like's attract likes... royalty attracts royalty.. not by birth right but by character.. by values.. personality..
if you want a prince.. you have to dress.. walk.. talk.. and ACT like a princess.
If you want a bum.. go right ahead and stay in your asian bun.. no make up.. and sweat pants every day.. you'll find yourself a great one!
if you want someone with class.. show class.
If you want someone with integrity.. have it.
If you want someone drop dead.. prince william.. sexy.. you better be doing everything in your power to be a goddess.
you want a 10? be a 10!
ok... so. changing gears..
things i'm most excited for about the Royal Wedding...
- the flowers.
- Her ring? i'm obsessed with it. pretty sure i want a mini version of it for my own engagement ring. it's incredible.
- Her dress... she's kept her designer and the design.. obviously.. a complete secret! because she wants will to be completely surprised :) aaah so fairy tale! i'm obsessed.
- Their love. - no royal couple has ever had what they have.. actual love. it has to last. happily ever after.
- The 'nightclub' themed after party.. princess? knows how to get DOWN! that's hot.
- The vows.. the hopeless romantic in me is convinced he's written her something magical.
- The fact that she's arriving in a car.. as a 'commoner' .. and leaving in a carriage.. as ROYALTY! it's so cinderella and her pumpkin i wanna DIE!
- Lots of sparkles.. there's bound to be diamonds draped EVERYWHERE.
- PRINCE WILIAM. nuff said.
- The royal security on HORSES!! i watched a special on the security of the wedding.. so that crazy people that think william should marry them instead of kate (i can't even imagine.. weirdos).. don't do somethin CRAZY.. buuut they have a whole troupe of security dudes with the real life big english knight-hat thingys on HORSE BACK protecting the princess and prince. THATS AWESOME!!
- When they come out on the balcony and greet their country.. and the friggin WORLD! just like the movies!! just like 3 musketeers! JUST like The Princess Bride.. It's unreal how amped up im getting.
... this is like the superbowl... for girls... plus tiaras and sparkles and dress up! so basically the bedazzled superbowl of LOVE! woot.
Clearly there's a lot more.. but if i blogged about every single one of them it would be like 20 pages long. and long blog posts are annoying right? ...myy bad!
I can promise you that this will NOT be the last post about the wedding.. so basically this is TO BE CONTINUED..
I can promise you one very soon about my own ideal prince charming...
today could be a day of 10 posts the rate im going...
Break ups come.. and break ups go... but true love always has a way of working out :)
Believe in it.. and you will have your very own fairy tale.
xoxo
-Princess in the Process
April 28, 2011
.. Secrets secrets are no fun ..
Can you keep a secret?
What if the secret contains the proof you need to convict someone of their crimes?
What if the release of THIS secret would keep you from knowing future secrets?
What if all the sudden the unveiling of this precious secret would damage one person but benefit yourself... by the way.. the damaged person lied about you.
Do we even dare venture into the depths of the hearts around us? Do we even WANT to know these deep dark secrets? Should certain things be kept from us?
Should each of us be on a 'need to know basis'? Is it unhealthy for us to know everything? Is honesty just too against human nature now that it causes destruction?
Think about someone that goes undercover..
If they reveal who they are.. their cover is blown.. forcing the mission to be aborted.. no information is gained.. and the whole thing is a waste.
If they reveal who they are they also could be put in grave danger.. heading into unfamiliar territory.
Their secrets keep them safe. They give them greater purpose than the truth would.. to those they attempt to manipulate.
However, the truth (the fact that their really a BA cop that packs heat NO ONE could find if they had a metal detector and a magnifying glass) remains the most important. It holds them together.. giving them their greatest purpose and therefore the mission they are fulfilling.
People have a tendency to hide who they really are to many people.. call it shyness.. insecurity.. whatever.. they learn to keep secrets well.
Your own secrets can be your strength. They can be your downfall..
Why not never do something you wouldn't want someone else to find out about? is that SO hard?
Don't kiss that girl if you dont want your girlfriend to find out... and you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Don't steal that.. dont lie about this.. and you will never have to watch your back in paranoia.
The deceitful people of the world do things they think they'll never get caught doing.. well hey guess what retards.. i blog.. and you're screwed.
If someone reveals to you their deepest darkest secrets.. and you vow to keep them locked in your vault.. but their darkest secrets reveal things about others that you SO wish you could use against them... what the heck do you do?!
When i went to Vegas this last weekend i watched the movie 'The dilema'.
In the movie.. Vince Vaughn's character finds out that his best friends wife is cheating on him.
In fear of hurting him.. and having him even believe him without tangible proof.. he is stuck in the middle of his own conscience deciding what would benefit his friend most long term and short term.
The movie shows how detramental the secret is to not only Kevin James' life ( the best friend) but Vincey's as well. His life is consumed by information that he has to hide. His sketchy behavior arises the suspicion of his girlfriend that he's fallen back into bad habits of gambling.
The lie.. or secret.. eats at him slowly.. til finally in an intervention setting.. all is brought to the surface.
The only thing we can have confidence and hope in.. is that the truth is constant and consistent.. and it tends to stick around a while.
If you always tell the truth.. you never have a story to remember or cover up.. you never have to wonder who knows what.. you can simply live your life in peace!
My friend Corrine was engaged to the man of her dreams... her life fairytale was having it's finishing touches put on it. She couldn't wait to join him for time and all eternity.. begin the rest of their lives together. He was everything she always wanted... and apparently more than she bargained for.
One day while she was at his house she had a feeling to randomly check his computer.. when she did.. she found inappropriate emails with several other women containing equally inappropriate pictures.. love letters.. basically a whole bunch of realllly bad stuff you don't wanna find on your fiance's computer.
This became a secret. How would she face the world if she called it off? could she tell the world that this prince charming man of hers was something completely different than any of them had known? But if she didn't call it off.. how could she live the rest of her life with this huge burden on her shoulders.. knowing HIS secrets and keeping them from him just so she could play fairy tale..?
All of the invites.. the list of people who had already RSVP'd.. the shower gifts.. all stood in front of her in a pile. Could she keep this secret forever? Should she?
NO.
Forever is a long time.. and the deceivers (in my opinion deserve to die alone) will never change.. especially if they're never exposed.
She thought about inexplicably calling things off.. not robbing him of his dignity..
but then she was reminded of the girl code....
the philosopher Carrie Underwood once told us that "i might've saved a little trouble for the next girl.... cuz the next time that he cheats... you know it wont be on me" "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats"
She gives us the principles of the girl code....
expose that lying.. cheating.. whatever.. piece of crap so that the next girl knows what she's getting into. and noooo home boy.. this isn't cheap. this isn't cheating you of your man rights to womanize every chick that roams your way... if you weren't a deceitful piece of crap.. you wouldn't be in this situation. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT TOOL BOX.
Technically we should all go around revealing secrets.. righting wrongs... serving our fellow men by exposing the liars and the cheaters..
but nobody wants to know the truth. The truth hurts people. what has this world come to?!
I forgive a lot of things..most things actually. everything but lying. cuz lying? first off.. there's absolutely no point. the truth will always come out.. because like i said.. it's the only constant thing. the only thing that remains forever consistent..
I'll give some of you fine fellows the benefit of the doubt...
i'm gonna say that lying is a sign of immaturity that you CAN grow out of.. we all tell our parents we're going one place and go another at some point in our adolescent days..
so if you're a liar.. GROW UP.
If you don't use the time you have now to get out of your disgusting habit.. it will become who you are. and that would be the worst thing in the world.
Trust is something that takes forever to build.. 1 second to break.. and a lifetime to gain back.. with no guarantees of ever having back in its entirety.
Don't break it. You alone don't have the ability to fix it.
Today is the royal wedding... so you'll most likely hear from me in a couple hours on my thoughts and obsession with it..
For now!
xoxo
-CM
What if the secret contains the proof you need to convict someone of their crimes?
What if the release of THIS secret would keep you from knowing future secrets?
What if all the sudden the unveiling of this precious secret would damage one person but benefit yourself... by the way.. the damaged person lied about you.
Do we even dare venture into the depths of the hearts around us? Do we even WANT to know these deep dark secrets? Should certain things be kept from us?
Should each of us be on a 'need to know basis'? Is it unhealthy for us to know everything? Is honesty just too against human nature now that it causes destruction?
Think about someone that goes undercover..
If they reveal who they are.. their cover is blown.. forcing the mission to be aborted.. no information is gained.. and the whole thing is a waste.
If they reveal who they are they also could be put in grave danger.. heading into unfamiliar territory.
Their secrets keep them safe. They give them greater purpose than the truth would.. to those they attempt to manipulate.
However, the truth (the fact that their really a BA cop that packs heat NO ONE could find if they had a metal detector and a magnifying glass) remains the most important. It holds them together.. giving them their greatest purpose and therefore the mission they are fulfilling.
People have a tendency to hide who they really are to many people.. call it shyness.. insecurity.. whatever.. they learn to keep secrets well.
Your own secrets can be your strength. They can be your downfall..
Why not never do something you wouldn't want someone else to find out about? is that SO hard?
Don't kiss that girl if you dont want your girlfriend to find out... and you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Don't steal that.. dont lie about this.. and you will never have to watch your back in paranoia.
The deceitful people of the world do things they think they'll never get caught doing.. well hey guess what retards.. i blog.. and you're screwed.
If someone reveals to you their deepest darkest secrets.. and you vow to keep them locked in your vault.. but their darkest secrets reveal things about others that you SO wish you could use against them... what the heck do you do?!
When i went to Vegas this last weekend i watched the movie 'The dilema'.
In the movie.. Vince Vaughn's character finds out that his best friends wife is cheating on him.
In fear of hurting him.. and having him even believe him without tangible proof.. he is stuck in the middle of his own conscience deciding what would benefit his friend most long term and short term.
The movie shows how detramental the secret is to not only Kevin James' life ( the best friend) but Vincey's as well. His life is consumed by information that he has to hide. His sketchy behavior arises the suspicion of his girlfriend that he's fallen back into bad habits of gambling.
The lie.. or secret.. eats at him slowly.. til finally in an intervention setting.. all is brought to the surface.
The only thing we can have confidence and hope in.. is that the truth is constant and consistent.. and it tends to stick around a while.
If you always tell the truth.. you never have a story to remember or cover up.. you never have to wonder who knows what.. you can simply live your life in peace!
My friend Corrine was engaged to the man of her dreams... her life fairytale was having it's finishing touches put on it. She couldn't wait to join him for time and all eternity.. begin the rest of their lives together. He was everything she always wanted... and apparently more than she bargained for.
One day while she was at his house she had a feeling to randomly check his computer.. when she did.. she found inappropriate emails with several other women containing equally inappropriate pictures.. love letters.. basically a whole bunch of realllly bad stuff you don't wanna find on your fiance's computer.
This became a secret. How would she face the world if she called it off? could she tell the world that this prince charming man of hers was something completely different than any of them had known? But if she didn't call it off.. how could she live the rest of her life with this huge burden on her shoulders.. knowing HIS secrets and keeping them from him just so she could play fairy tale..?
All of the invites.. the list of people who had already RSVP'd.. the shower gifts.. all stood in front of her in a pile. Could she keep this secret forever? Should she?
NO.
Forever is a long time.. and the deceivers (in my opinion deserve to die alone) will never change.. especially if they're never exposed.
She thought about inexplicably calling things off.. not robbing him of his dignity..
but then she was reminded of the girl code....
the philosopher Carrie Underwood once told us that "i might've saved a little trouble for the next girl.... cuz the next time that he cheats... you know it wont be on me" "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats"
She gives us the principles of the girl code....
expose that lying.. cheating.. whatever.. piece of crap so that the next girl knows what she's getting into. and noooo home boy.. this isn't cheap. this isn't cheating you of your man rights to womanize every chick that roams your way... if you weren't a deceitful piece of crap.. you wouldn't be in this situation. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT TOOL BOX.
Technically we should all go around revealing secrets.. righting wrongs... serving our fellow men by exposing the liars and the cheaters..
but nobody wants to know the truth. The truth hurts people. what has this world come to?!
I forgive a lot of things..most things actually. everything but lying. cuz lying? first off.. there's absolutely no point. the truth will always come out.. because like i said.. it's the only constant thing. the only thing that remains forever consistent..
I'll give some of you fine fellows the benefit of the doubt...
i'm gonna say that lying is a sign of immaturity that you CAN grow out of.. we all tell our parents we're going one place and go another at some point in our adolescent days..
so if you're a liar.. GROW UP.
If you don't use the time you have now to get out of your disgusting habit.. it will become who you are. and that would be the worst thing in the world.
Trust is something that takes forever to build.. 1 second to break.. and a lifetime to gain back.. with no guarantees of ever having back in its entirety.
Don't break it. You alone don't have the ability to fix it.
Today is the royal wedding... so you'll most likely hear from me in a couple hours on my thoughts and obsession with it..
For now!
xoxo
-CM
April 27, 2011
. Spring Cleaning .
April showers bring may flowers. another season gone
april snow brings.. i dont know.. i hope it wont stay long
the circle of the seasons come round and round again
even snow cant stop the spring time.. yes winter's bound to end.
Spring cleaning becomes much needed.. to make space for new junk
for sunshine we have pleaded.. to end our cloudy funk.
so out with the old and in with the new.. not as easy as expected
for how do you throw out keep sakes.. for years you have protected
your closets almost bursting with last years styles you wore
but now that you dont wear them.. you long to keep them more
the memory in those sequins.. the boy who gave that shirt
their value becomes pricey.. more than money's ever worth
your heart is like your closet.. full of love and memories too
throw out or keep in storage.. unsure of what to do
for love has been recycled.. come in style later on
but keeping every kiss there.. makes future ones seem wrong
why not keep that old voicemail.. the message could be true
that may be the last time you hear his voice say 'i love you'
those texts should be deleted.. so you dont read every night
and wonder what he's doing.. if he's happy with his life
but how can you let go of memories not so in the past?
and turn around to see another.. hoping this one lasts
how can you forget the song or place you drive by still
hoping you can erase him.. knowing that you never will
You came to clean your heart out.. but filled your eyes instead
with tears and perfect memories that now dance in your head
your broom has not yet swept.. your cloth lays damp untouched
for you sit on the floor.. cuz standing was too much
don't lock this room of heartache.. just organize and shift
to welcome all the new love .. in your heart that still can fit
move old times to the side.. take a deep breath and you'll find
that inspectors of this cleaning.. of your heart will be kind
Spring cleaning will be done now.. cuz even with the snow
the heart ache that you're feeling.. its time to let it go
put away the pair of sweat pants.. delete the texts tonight
turn off that song you danced to.. and know you'll be alright
alright alright. i write songs for a living.. its what i do.. i like to rhyme..
anyywho.
Spring cleaning is necessary. - i dont really have to go through this whole beginning right? you read it in the poem.
k.. i'll cut to the meat and potatoes..
Some people are burners..
when they get out of a relationship.. they take everything the person has ever given them.. write their name on several pieces of paper.. and set it on FIRE!
sounds like a good time of roasting marshmallows with friends and quite the therapy session in one..
Some people are the give back-ers..
they write a dramatic note.. make a cd of either all the love songs of their relationship.. or songs like 'dont want you back'.. 'you're not sorry'.. 'before he cheats'.. take everything that mr. toolbox cheater has ever given them.. puts it all on his door step.. eggs his car... rings the doorbell.. and DRIIIVES.
once again.. therapy.. good time with friends.. not much anonymity when you sign the note 'NEVER CALL ME AGAIN OR MY DAD WILL KILL YOU YOU LYING SACK OF DOG MEAT!' but hey.. we all have our methods..
Some are the sulkers.. They write depressing facebook status' and call all their ex's friends.. hoping they'll find out.. or hear..or see their wounds posted in profile pics of them sobbing holding pictures of them..
These are the ones that build 'BREAK UP SHRINES'..
they don't get out of the ex's clothing for a week.. they put every picture ever taken of the two of them around their room.. make a break up playlist.. lights candles.. and rehearses the speech they'll give when their ex boyfriend comes CRAWLING back to them.. over.. and over.. and over..
You have the pack-rats.. whom i mentioned in the poem briefly..
that keep every message.. every text.. every note.. every EVERYTHING.
so afraid to erase any of it cuz either.. when erased it means they really are gone.. or it may still be true.. or what if its the last time i ever hear them say anything like that..?
There are some unhealthy methods.. obviously.. although the burners would be fun to party with!
But for the most part.. we all have a sulker in us..beeeecause we're human.. whether its on facebook or just behind closed doors.. (hopefully minus the full-on break up shrine..yikes)but we sleep in their shirts and pretend our room mates don't notice.. or have a break up playlist on our ipods we listen to on our long drives and pretend we don't see the big guy next to us.. that's watching us belt out 'Its all coming back to me' while sobbing on the freeway..
and we all have a pack rat in us too..
we all have the message that always gets overlooked when cleaning our vmail box out.. the picture that mysteriously stays up that you pretend you must have missed taking down.. the sweatshirt that never QUITE makes it into that box of stuff in your closet you never wear..
or the ichat conversation that stays up on your computer that you're afraid to look at because you know you're not ready for that yet.. but when it accidently gets deleted you cry.
The things you cant escape of past relationships that will forever haunt you because you let them.
And even if you are tougher than the rest of us and return all their stuff.. and throw out every. last. piece. of them in your life.. how to you clear out the memories? how do you POSSIBLY stop yourself from getting 3 1/2 full minutes of chills when you hear that one song.. or those 5 songs..
If these things still happen is it because you're not over that person or because you're memory is so blasted good.. dang you memory.. that you'll just never forget any of it!
and if you're NOT over them.. is there a reason? should you not be? is this you're own insane hope of rekindlement? or just your heart in a healing process?
is it one of those 'everything happens for a reason' moments when you want to call them SO bad.. that you're supposed to? are you screwing with fate if you don't? or screwing with it if you DO? are you insane just because you WANT to!?
If you're happier without someone.. why does the thought of being with them still make you think you'd now be happier with them? Have you really changed that much that all the sudden you think things would work out? ARE YOU INSANE?!
My friend Sally had a boyfriend of a year and a half named Chris. They were to the point where it was give or let go.. where they had to either move forward or break it off completely..
when they were breaking up (cuz he was a complete retard and couldn't see that she was the best thing that ever happened to him at the time) he told her that 'Sal.. i KNOW you love me.. babe i KNOW how in love with me you are.. but i would be lying if i felt the same' AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF! what a tool box.
Just this line alone lets you know the character of good ol' Chris right? i know all yall are on MY team.. the anti-chris.. team any-thing-but-chris.
BUT love is blind.. and sally couldn't see his retardedness.. that he so willingly displayed in front of her.
As time went on after the break up.. of COURSE chris realized the HUUUGE mistake that he made by ever letting sally walk even a foot away from him and he came back.. time and time again..
Now.. as soon as they broke up.. me and the rest of sally's little crew.. basically put her in shock therapy sessions to GRILL into her brain and make her see how bad Chris was for her.. but with chris opposing our every action.. it was a longer process than we intended.
Finally when chris moved across the country she seemed to get over him.
It's been a year and a half since Sally has seen Chris.. Sally has a boyfriend that she loves..
Chris called her yesterday. imma kill him.
Of course the thought process began in her head.. now that she's without him.. would she be better with him? is this fate bringing him back into her life??
NO SALLY.. its a plane ticket and a desperate set of phone dialing fingers. It's a tool box's ego that can't shake the fact that you're done with him!! DON'T DO IT! DON'T EVEN ANSWER!!
The problem with ex's like chris are they know JUST what to say to get a call back... JUST what to say to hit a fast ball in to a soft spot to crack open amazing yet fragile girls like Sally...
Chris. you stay the freak away from her.. or i slap a hoe.. AND the chick you cheated on her with.
All the voice-mails we had to break into her phone and delete.. all the text messages she read every night and cried for WEEKS when we deleted... you're undoing ALL of that.. for what? you're selfish pride that was hurt by her walking away?
If you don't want to be with her.. let her be with someone ELSE! she loves her gosh dang boyfriend! move on and move out!
Boys... and girls i guess..
if you get out of a relationship anything like Sally and Chris's.. or any relationship at all for that matter..
do yourself both a favor.. if you have no intention of going back into their lives.. try not to appear in them while their wounds are healing..
if you have no intention of righting your wrongs.. chances are they STILL have a voice mail or two of YOUR voice they try every DAY to delete.. you just 'dropping in' will do no good.. it will put the blood of a soul on your hands as you continue to re-break it.
and if your intentions are just to make sure they still hang on no matter what your agenda... SCREW YOU.
I do believe that there are people out there that deserve second chances.. i know for a fact that most relationships are recycled and its for the better! timing is everything.
My friend Emma.. who i talked about in an earlier blog.. the 1-emma scale? Her and her husband dated on and off since 7th grade.. thought they called it quits for good.. she almost got married to someone else.. he almost got married to someone else.. then one day they met up and thought that this might be the first time they are actually capable of JUST friendship... they kissed. they got married.
recycled. rekindled. healthy. totally great! hey.. i'm a romantic! i believe in happily ever after.. ALLLL THE WAY!
But tonight? i'm calling out the people that know their making someone else's life worse. and enjoying it. the ones that play games because they don't know what they want.
if you know me.. you know i dont wait around forever. but there are girls like sally that would and that do. Let them go. everyone deserves to be happy! and if you're keeping someone else from it.. shame on you.
I wont watch Chris weasel his way back in to Sally's life. and i'll forever build her up so that she can fortify herself against him.
love is strong.. building walls to keep detrimental kinds out is the hardest thing you will ever have to do!
i should probably end with answering the spring cleaning question...
to delete or not delete? erase or not erase? move out or move aside?
Honestly.. it's up to you..
if you can keep a part of your heart for each person you love.. i've said before you CAN just always love certain people... then i hope you never run out of room! and i hope you make a lovely scrapbook and not 29 creepy shrines..
if it's better for you to let it go.. sweep it out and move on.. even though its hard.. you have others around to catch you every time you fall.
as far as voicemails.. emails.. texts... the only answer there is is delete them.. when is a matter of when you're ready.. but a voice mail.. no matter what it says.. will never fill a righteous purpose. it will only keep your heart from fully healing.. a text message re-read will not bring the contents back to life. Certain things you will have to let go of.. even if you need to slowly so you don't hyperventilate. No one pushes you. You are allowed to go at your own pace.. but walking and standing still aren't the same thing.. and if you're not moving forward.. the world will move around you and you will begin to move backwards.
Pray for sunshine. Pray for happy days. and pray that hearts will heal with the sunshine!
Until tomorrow
xoxo
-Callymon
april snow brings.. i dont know.. i hope it wont stay long
the circle of the seasons come round and round again
even snow cant stop the spring time.. yes winter's bound to end.
Spring cleaning becomes much needed.. to make space for new junk
for sunshine we have pleaded.. to end our cloudy funk.
so out with the old and in with the new.. not as easy as expected
for how do you throw out keep sakes.. for years you have protected
your closets almost bursting with last years styles you wore
but now that you dont wear them.. you long to keep them more
the memory in those sequins.. the boy who gave that shirt
their value becomes pricey.. more than money's ever worth
your heart is like your closet.. full of love and memories too
throw out or keep in storage.. unsure of what to do
for love has been recycled.. come in style later on
but keeping every kiss there.. makes future ones seem wrong
why not keep that old voicemail.. the message could be true
that may be the last time you hear his voice say 'i love you'
those texts should be deleted.. so you dont read every night
and wonder what he's doing.. if he's happy with his life
but how can you let go of memories not so in the past?
and turn around to see another.. hoping this one lasts
how can you forget the song or place you drive by still
hoping you can erase him.. knowing that you never will
You came to clean your heart out.. but filled your eyes instead
with tears and perfect memories that now dance in your head
your broom has not yet swept.. your cloth lays damp untouched
for you sit on the floor.. cuz standing was too much
don't lock this room of heartache.. just organize and shift
to welcome all the new love .. in your heart that still can fit
move old times to the side.. take a deep breath and you'll find
that inspectors of this cleaning.. of your heart will be kind
Spring cleaning will be done now.. cuz even with the snow
the heart ache that you're feeling.. its time to let it go
put away the pair of sweat pants.. delete the texts tonight
turn off that song you danced to.. and know you'll be alright
alright alright. i write songs for a living.. its what i do.. i like to rhyme..
anyywho.
Spring cleaning is necessary. - i dont really have to go through this whole beginning right? you read it in the poem.
k.. i'll cut to the meat and potatoes..
Some people are burners..
when they get out of a relationship.. they take everything the person has ever given them.. write their name on several pieces of paper.. and set it on FIRE!
sounds like a good time of roasting marshmallows with friends and quite the therapy session in one..
Some people are the give back-ers..
they write a dramatic note.. make a cd of either all the love songs of their relationship.. or songs like 'dont want you back'.. 'you're not sorry'.. 'before he cheats'.. take everything that mr. toolbox cheater has ever given them.. puts it all on his door step.. eggs his car... rings the doorbell.. and DRIIIVES.
once again.. therapy.. good time with friends.. not much anonymity when you sign the note 'NEVER CALL ME AGAIN OR MY DAD WILL KILL YOU YOU LYING SACK OF DOG MEAT!' but hey.. we all have our methods..
Some are the sulkers.. They write depressing facebook status' and call all their ex's friends.. hoping they'll find out.. or hear..or see their wounds posted in profile pics of them sobbing holding pictures of them..
These are the ones that build 'BREAK UP SHRINES'..
they don't get out of the ex's clothing for a week.. they put every picture ever taken of the two of them around their room.. make a break up playlist.. lights candles.. and rehearses the speech they'll give when their ex boyfriend comes CRAWLING back to them.. over.. and over.. and over..
You have the pack-rats.. whom i mentioned in the poem briefly..
that keep every message.. every text.. every note.. every EVERYTHING.
so afraid to erase any of it cuz either.. when erased it means they really are gone.. or it may still be true.. or what if its the last time i ever hear them say anything like that..?
There are some unhealthy methods.. obviously.. although the burners would be fun to party with!
But for the most part.. we all have a sulker in us..beeeecause we're human.. whether its on facebook or just behind closed doors.. (hopefully minus the full-on break up shrine..yikes)but we sleep in their shirts and pretend our room mates don't notice.. or have a break up playlist on our ipods we listen to on our long drives and pretend we don't see the big guy next to us.. that's watching us belt out 'Its all coming back to me' while sobbing on the freeway..
and we all have a pack rat in us too..
we all have the message that always gets overlooked when cleaning our vmail box out.. the picture that mysteriously stays up that you pretend you must have missed taking down.. the sweatshirt that never QUITE makes it into that box of stuff in your closet you never wear..
or the ichat conversation that stays up on your computer that you're afraid to look at because you know you're not ready for that yet.. but when it accidently gets deleted you cry.
The things you cant escape of past relationships that will forever haunt you because you let them.
And even if you are tougher than the rest of us and return all their stuff.. and throw out every. last. piece. of them in your life.. how to you clear out the memories? how do you POSSIBLY stop yourself from getting 3 1/2 full minutes of chills when you hear that one song.. or those 5 songs..
If these things still happen is it because you're not over that person or because you're memory is so blasted good.. dang you memory.. that you'll just never forget any of it!
and if you're NOT over them.. is there a reason? should you not be? is this you're own insane hope of rekindlement? or just your heart in a healing process?
is it one of those 'everything happens for a reason' moments when you want to call them SO bad.. that you're supposed to? are you screwing with fate if you don't? or screwing with it if you DO? are you insane just because you WANT to!?
If you're happier without someone.. why does the thought of being with them still make you think you'd now be happier with them? Have you really changed that much that all the sudden you think things would work out? ARE YOU INSANE?!
My friend Sally had a boyfriend of a year and a half named Chris. They were to the point where it was give or let go.. where they had to either move forward or break it off completely..
when they were breaking up (cuz he was a complete retard and couldn't see that she was the best thing that ever happened to him at the time) he told her that 'Sal.. i KNOW you love me.. babe i KNOW how in love with me you are.. but i would be lying if i felt the same' AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF! what a tool box.
Just this line alone lets you know the character of good ol' Chris right? i know all yall are on MY team.. the anti-chris.. team any-thing-but-chris.
BUT love is blind.. and sally couldn't see his retardedness.. that he so willingly displayed in front of her.
As time went on after the break up.. of COURSE chris realized the HUUUGE mistake that he made by ever letting sally walk even a foot away from him and he came back.. time and time again..
Now.. as soon as they broke up.. me and the rest of sally's little crew.. basically put her in shock therapy sessions to GRILL into her brain and make her see how bad Chris was for her.. but with chris opposing our every action.. it was a longer process than we intended.
Finally when chris moved across the country she seemed to get over him.
It's been a year and a half since Sally has seen Chris.. Sally has a boyfriend that she loves..
Chris called her yesterday. imma kill him.
Of course the thought process began in her head.. now that she's without him.. would she be better with him? is this fate bringing him back into her life??
NO SALLY.. its a plane ticket and a desperate set of phone dialing fingers. It's a tool box's ego that can't shake the fact that you're done with him!! DON'T DO IT! DON'T EVEN ANSWER!!
The problem with ex's like chris are they know JUST what to say to get a call back... JUST what to say to hit a fast ball in to a soft spot to crack open amazing yet fragile girls like Sally...
Chris. you stay the freak away from her.. or i slap a hoe.. AND the chick you cheated on her with.
All the voice-mails we had to break into her phone and delete.. all the text messages she read every night and cried for WEEKS when we deleted... you're undoing ALL of that.. for what? you're selfish pride that was hurt by her walking away?
If you don't want to be with her.. let her be with someone ELSE! she loves her gosh dang boyfriend! move on and move out!
Boys... and girls i guess..
if you get out of a relationship anything like Sally and Chris's.. or any relationship at all for that matter..
do yourself both a favor.. if you have no intention of going back into their lives.. try not to appear in them while their wounds are healing..
if you have no intention of righting your wrongs.. chances are they STILL have a voice mail or two of YOUR voice they try every DAY to delete.. you just 'dropping in' will do no good.. it will put the blood of a soul on your hands as you continue to re-break it.
and if your intentions are just to make sure they still hang on no matter what your agenda... SCREW YOU.
I do believe that there are people out there that deserve second chances.. i know for a fact that most relationships are recycled and its for the better! timing is everything.
My friend Emma.. who i talked about in an earlier blog.. the 1-emma scale? Her and her husband dated on and off since 7th grade.. thought they called it quits for good.. she almost got married to someone else.. he almost got married to someone else.. then one day they met up and thought that this might be the first time they are actually capable of JUST friendship... they kissed. they got married.
recycled. rekindled. healthy. totally great! hey.. i'm a romantic! i believe in happily ever after.. ALLLL THE WAY!
But tonight? i'm calling out the people that know their making someone else's life worse. and enjoying it. the ones that play games because they don't know what they want.
if you know me.. you know i dont wait around forever. but there are girls like sally that would and that do. Let them go. everyone deserves to be happy! and if you're keeping someone else from it.. shame on you.
I wont watch Chris weasel his way back in to Sally's life. and i'll forever build her up so that she can fortify herself against him.
love is strong.. building walls to keep detrimental kinds out is the hardest thing you will ever have to do!
i should probably end with answering the spring cleaning question...
to delete or not delete? erase or not erase? move out or move aside?
Honestly.. it's up to you..
if you can keep a part of your heart for each person you love.. i've said before you CAN just always love certain people... then i hope you never run out of room! and i hope you make a lovely scrapbook and not 29 creepy shrines..
if it's better for you to let it go.. sweep it out and move on.. even though its hard.. you have others around to catch you every time you fall.
as far as voicemails.. emails.. texts... the only answer there is is delete them.. when is a matter of when you're ready.. but a voice mail.. no matter what it says.. will never fill a righteous purpose. it will only keep your heart from fully healing.. a text message re-read will not bring the contents back to life. Certain things you will have to let go of.. even if you need to slowly so you don't hyperventilate. No one pushes you. You are allowed to go at your own pace.. but walking and standing still aren't the same thing.. and if you're not moving forward.. the world will move around you and you will begin to move backwards.
Pray for sunshine. Pray for happy days. and pray that hearts will heal with the sunshine!
Until tomorrow
xoxo
-Callymon
April 24, 2011
...Give in to me...
The world can be a terrible place. love can be a terrible thing. The dark can be the most frightening thing in the world.. and the glass can always be half empty if we have the wrong glasses on.
Through the world of heartbreak that i've been thrown into.. its easy for me to bash relationships.. find things wrong with falling in love.. and set up warning signs and flashing lights with skulls on them telling you to STAY AWAY from anything that resembles a semi-functional relationship because there will ALWAYS be something wrong with it.
It's easy to walk away from relationships that end in unfortunate ways and pin point every way that they broke you.. how you rose from your fall from grace and told that tool box where to stick his big fat apology that he refused to give. it's easy to counsel others in similar unfortunate circumstances on what you did wrong and how they should do things differently.. on the things you would change if you could go back..
Years and years down the road.. we all tend to look back and write our own 'lessons learned' blogs about how everything makes sense now and how that 'dysfunctional relationship' benefited us. How we're better people because of the heartbreak and every lesson we were forced to learn at the expense of our happiness through another.
Every person that is sent into our lives is a gift. Some small packages make appearances.. some medium packages polka-dot our lives.. and some come in the huge.. bug-eyed christmas morning.. what you always wanted.. couldnt fit down the chimney.. kind of gifts that bless our lives in ways we don't intend.. and change us for the better.
We can each look back through our roster of people we've dated and pin point what category each person falls into.. some being lumps of coal.. some being big fat arrows pointing us in a better direction.. and some being the shiny diamond necklace that will forever remain in your heart and your family as a sacred keepsake.
I challenge you to stop and smell the roses right now.
As many relationships that i like to relate to that are breaking and busting at the seams.. as many man-haters i rally and helpless heartbroken people i attempt to lift up through my odd advice.. i challenge each one of you to stop and literally count your many blessings.
not in 5 years when your life's plan is revealed to you. not when you're completely healed from the heartbreak you're going through.. not when you finally find someone new.. someone better for you.. but right this second.
Each of these 'big present' relationships bring and take so much more from your life than the one person you happen to love. they bring families.. experiences.. and lessons that are invaluable.
We have the opportunity to become apart of a family that isn't our own.. befriend people that we never otherwise would've known.. and give a part of ourselves we never knew that we had.
Falling in love.. although it freakin sucks.. is the most amazing powerful thing in the world. it's the only thing that matters.
When we finally look back at our lives.. when we get to the point where it's not painful anymore.. we realize that we wouldn't change anything. that we wouldn't take our punch-card do-over moments.
If you feel anything like me.. love is scary. especially if you've had your heart broken.. but if it never rained.. there wouldn't be green grass.. greener grass.. on the other side of your heartbreak fence.
My girlfriend Camilla just got out of the relationship of her life.
Although she's sadder than she can even admit.. she gained so much from the relationship that she would never wish that it never happened.
Her ex.. John's family became her own. His friends became hers.. and she's forever grateful for the support and impact that the ripples in the water provided her from one person touching her life.
Because of John she knows how to love. Because of John she knows what she wants in life.. and because of John's family she's the person she is today.
As she stopped and had a vent sesh this weekend..complete with plots of revenge.. serious consideration of pullin a britney and shavin her head.. and break downs.. she was able to lift herself up and go on. Still heartbroken.. but with the realization that this relationship was one of her 'Big gifts' in life. That john was sent to her for more than to break her heart. That he was part of her plan to shape and mold her into the real and strong Camilla.
God can't send guardian angels to be with us every second of every day.. in every decision and mistake that we make.. so he sends us our 'John's .. he sends the people that are right for us for a particular part of our lives.. that help us in ways that no other person could've. He sends us amazing best friends and gives us the opportunity to open our hearts up to them. He sends us amazing second moms.. extra sisters.. and friends that guide us on our path in unique ways that only they can.
Each ripple from each relationship we should take and keep.. not avoid. not grieve. not shut out because of moments of pain and sadness... but we should embrace them.. possibly blog about them.. and make sure the lessons and blessings weren't in vain.
Don't let your heart break in vain. Don't be so afraid to feel that you shut out all the good that can come from falling in love at all.. even if it was with the wrong person.
let your guard down. Fall in love with as many things as you can. love is powerful.. and it's the only thing that matters.. the people that fall in love the most have the most beautiful scrapbooks at the end of life. they have the best memories and the least regrets.
Give in to it. You wont regret it.
xoxo
-Callymon
Through the world of heartbreak that i've been thrown into.. its easy for me to bash relationships.. find things wrong with falling in love.. and set up warning signs and flashing lights with skulls on them telling you to STAY AWAY from anything that resembles a semi-functional relationship because there will ALWAYS be something wrong with it.
It's easy to walk away from relationships that end in unfortunate ways and pin point every way that they broke you.. how you rose from your fall from grace and told that tool box where to stick his big fat apology that he refused to give. it's easy to counsel others in similar unfortunate circumstances on what you did wrong and how they should do things differently.. on the things you would change if you could go back..
Years and years down the road.. we all tend to look back and write our own 'lessons learned' blogs about how everything makes sense now and how that 'dysfunctional relationship' benefited us. How we're better people because of the heartbreak and every lesson we were forced to learn at the expense of our happiness through another.
Every person that is sent into our lives is a gift. Some small packages make appearances.. some medium packages polka-dot our lives.. and some come in the huge.. bug-eyed christmas morning.. what you always wanted.. couldnt fit down the chimney.. kind of gifts that bless our lives in ways we don't intend.. and change us for the better.
We can each look back through our roster of people we've dated and pin point what category each person falls into.. some being lumps of coal.. some being big fat arrows pointing us in a better direction.. and some being the shiny diamond necklace that will forever remain in your heart and your family as a sacred keepsake.
I challenge you to stop and smell the roses right now.
As many relationships that i like to relate to that are breaking and busting at the seams.. as many man-haters i rally and helpless heartbroken people i attempt to lift up through my odd advice.. i challenge each one of you to stop and literally count your many blessings.
not in 5 years when your life's plan is revealed to you. not when you're completely healed from the heartbreak you're going through.. not when you finally find someone new.. someone better for you.. but right this second.
Each of these 'big present' relationships bring and take so much more from your life than the one person you happen to love. they bring families.. experiences.. and lessons that are invaluable.
We have the opportunity to become apart of a family that isn't our own.. befriend people that we never otherwise would've known.. and give a part of ourselves we never knew that we had.
Falling in love.. although it freakin sucks.. is the most amazing powerful thing in the world. it's the only thing that matters.
When we finally look back at our lives.. when we get to the point where it's not painful anymore.. we realize that we wouldn't change anything. that we wouldn't take our punch-card do-over moments.
If you feel anything like me.. love is scary. especially if you've had your heart broken.. but if it never rained.. there wouldn't be green grass.. greener grass.. on the other side of your heartbreak fence.
My girlfriend Camilla just got out of the relationship of her life.
Although she's sadder than she can even admit.. she gained so much from the relationship that she would never wish that it never happened.
Her ex.. John's family became her own. His friends became hers.. and she's forever grateful for the support and impact that the ripples in the water provided her from one person touching her life.
Because of John she knows how to love. Because of John she knows what she wants in life.. and because of John's family she's the person she is today.
As she stopped and had a vent sesh this weekend..complete with plots of revenge.. serious consideration of pullin a britney and shavin her head.. and break downs.. she was able to lift herself up and go on. Still heartbroken.. but with the realization that this relationship was one of her 'Big gifts' in life. That john was sent to her for more than to break her heart. That he was part of her plan to shape and mold her into the real and strong Camilla.
God can't send guardian angels to be with us every second of every day.. in every decision and mistake that we make.. so he sends us our 'John's .. he sends the people that are right for us for a particular part of our lives.. that help us in ways that no other person could've. He sends us amazing best friends and gives us the opportunity to open our hearts up to them. He sends us amazing second moms.. extra sisters.. and friends that guide us on our path in unique ways that only they can.
Each ripple from each relationship we should take and keep.. not avoid. not grieve. not shut out because of moments of pain and sadness... but we should embrace them.. possibly blog about them.. and make sure the lessons and blessings weren't in vain.
Don't let your heart break in vain. Don't be so afraid to feel that you shut out all the good that can come from falling in love at all.. even if it was with the wrong person.
let your guard down. Fall in love with as many things as you can. love is powerful.. and it's the only thing that matters.. the people that fall in love the most have the most beautiful scrapbooks at the end of life. they have the best memories and the least regrets.
Give in to it. You wont regret it.
xoxo
-Callymon
.. From the Ashes ..
I have a couple confessions.
One.. i'm completely in love with Prince william. Expect a Royal wedding blog VERY SOON.
Two - given that i haven't blogged in a record time of like.. 2 weeks.. you know my life has been on crack.
Between finals.. my head feeling like its gonna exPLODE.. and a couple other things.. lets just say im glad i made it out alive!
it's not that i haven't come to my little blogger page and typed.. ooohh there definitely have been some blogs that have started.. even naming the titles would tell you that they probably wont make final 'publishing' cut..
in life. we go through times where we're not really sure of how we feel.
about people. about circumstances. different situations.. events.. and we're left in our own darkness awaiting direction.
THIS hit me with full force in the last couple weeks.
looking at the situations i've put myself in.. a lot of people would argue that i was simply going through the phases of grieving. That it was healthy. and that i would come out of it.
noo i'm not telling you im depressed. i'm not some tormented being that hates sunshine and chocolate and babies. I'm not even really confessing to a state of sadness.. cuz it hasn't been that either..
I"ve been caught in a state of limbo. unsure where i stood.. unsure of the ground beneath me.. unsure of my surroundings.. and completely blind to any future direction.
i would draw strength from my phrase "tough as nails" and block out any incoming emotion.. determined not to break in any way.. soo focused on holding myself together that i was just.. ok really. we hear all the time that "fine" isn't a real emotion. i agree with this.. but that's all i was. i was fine.
before yall come to conclusions and start checking building tops.. and for reallly good psychiatrists.. allow me to take you through the last little bit of time.
I have been neglecting my friends that needed voices and advice ( and been getting hate mail for it) because i didn't know how i felt myself.. but now that i feel i have a hold of my own emotional roller coaster.. that it wont derail and any moment.. i can answer and advise in my retarded mccall way again.
the good thing about having friends with problems in their lives.. is that you can focus on the problems of others.. and through the healing of other hearts.. you come to your own conclusions.
at least thats what i'm about to attempt.
at the beginning of this blog.. i promised to change names to protect the innocent. and the guilty. i need to add a few more to that list...
to protect the tools.
the liars.
the deceitful.
the ignorant.
the brave.
the lonely.
the broken.
and the straight up retarded.
and so we begin..
Although we all think we're alone in the world of love.. that no one has ever felt the emotions we feel.. and that our relationships are SO different than all the rest.. none of us are exempt from relationship stereotypes.. the phases of life.. and the breaking and mending process our hearts are meant to go through.
our first love. our first heart break. the person we almost meet at the end of the isle. the one we will always love. the longest relationship we have before we end up with our true soulmate. the ones we think will or should last forever. the ones we give up everything for. and the ones that break us down into fine powder.
While the montage of your love life runs through your head and your series of songs you've reserved for each relationship start playing in the soundtrack to your love lives.. allow me to take you into the world and heart of Christie.
unfortunately for christie.. all of these stereo types.. all of these major stepping stones.. were jammed together in one big boulder.. a mountain of experiences... in one man.
Dave was her first love. her first heart break. the person she not only assumed but planned on ending up with. the man she gave up everything for. the one she was willing to bend and break and rearrange and change for just to make him happy. the first and only person she's ever cared about more than herself. The one where.. at the end of the day.. she will never give up hope for. He's her weakness. and if you know Christie like i do.. probably the only one she has.
Dave and Christie had dated on and off since 8th grade. The first time they met they sat giggling talking about their futures. From day one they started painting scenes in their own fairy tale book. Their 'plan' started forming.. the one they anxiously awaited to unfold before their eyes.
imagine at 14 knowing you were going to marry someone.. or at least believing that where ever you went in life.. whatever happened.. you had this anchor.. this default setting to come back to. This is what dave and Christie became to each other.
Even in their off periods they were not only protective of each other.. they made sure the plan was still in motion.
they had some unwritten.. unsaid agreement.. that they could absolutely date.. kiss.. woo.. anyone they wanted to. it would always remain insignificant. The default setting would override any feelings of doubt.. any feelings of love for someone else.. the anchor would hold them in place on their path they had beautifully drawn together.
Over the years they went their separate ways geographically.. even emotionally a couple times.. when they reallly thought it was over and then something earth shattering would bring them together again.. and one look is all it took for the magnetic force between them to be reactivated.. stronger than ever.
They had more than love. they had understanding of one another. They moved as one. thought as one person. even when they were miles and miles apart.
Well... as happy as this fairy tale seems.. recent events began to tear pages from it.. rewrite parts of their precious plan.. and start a new story all together.
When Dave was 20.. he decided that he was going to an Army prep school to play football out of state. Although Christie was sad.. she had faith in the plan.
At this prep school.. Dave met Sandy.
Sandy was very different from Christie.. but something about her kinda drove Dave nuts.
Long story short.. Dave decided that he loved Sandy. Through the process of falling in love with her.. he never wanted to hurt Christie so he kept things from her. Sandy was portrayed as just a friend.. a sister almost.. that lived close by. he 'didn't even think she was pretty'.. and they 'had been hanging out with groups of people.. randomly paired up a couple times'. He told Christie that they were 'just hanging out'. He never admitted to Sandy being his girlfriend. He always kept Christie on the line.. the male ego in him, not wanting to let go of an option. especially one he had made a plan with.
After like 8 months at this school.. Dave badly broke his shoulder and was forced to return home and give up his football scholarship.
The adjustment home was hard.. back to living with his parents.. and Christie was there.
They decided to resume their relationship after their break of a couple years and resume their plan.
Every way that Christie was different than Sandy.. dave learned to hate.
He picked the things that were similar to his half-attempted romance with sandy.. and decided to hang on to those..
But the characters in their fairy tale... and the story line for that matter.. had been changed.
Out of desperation.. Christie saw dave pulling away from her and tried to change every thing about her that he all of the sudden found unattractive.
Her strength became her weakness.. because dave no longer wanted someone that had their crap together like Christie. He wanted a damsel in distress. so that's what she became.
Never having been insecure about being herself in her life.. Christie was thrown in a state of panic. All the things Dave (and the rest of the world) had loved about Christie were gone.. she suppressed them.. and became something unnatural and unstable.
She gave up her life for 'the plan'.. determined to make it work.. afraid to express doubts to doubtful dave in fear that the whole story would collapse all together.
After 4 months of Dave being home.. and Christie developing a natural tendency to retreat to the fetal position.. they sat down and discussed the obvious. They weren't happy.
Christie had been ground into a fine powder through the insecurity that dave put her through.. afraid to be herself in anyway.. not even really knowing what or who herself was anymore.. so she clamped her teeth.. balled her white-knuckled hands.. and walked away from him.
After a month of a couple awkward run-ins... and several rain storms of tears.. Christie learned the truth about Sandy. Dave's sister karen (who had always been one of Christie's biggest fans and allies) had found letters they had written back and forth since he had been home with him confessing his feelings for her.. undermining any relationship he had with this 'desperate Christie girl from back home'.. basically calling her delusional. Karen copied them and sent them Christie.. feeling like she should know the truth.
Through everything that Christie has been through.. the problem.. challenge.. and heartbreaking reality that she came to me with.. was that her 'Dave and Christie' fairy tale was still on her shelf. She still held out hope for the boy that stole her heart in the 8th grade.. still had a small kindling fire going for the plan they once had written in the stars together. She was just adding chapters to it.. waiting anxiously for it to unfold before her swollen tear-filled eyes.
Christie.. as one of your best friends i realize more than most how much you have loved dave. I realize that he will ALWAYS be a huge part of your memory.. and a huge part of your past.
but he doesn't have to.. and can't.. remain a huge part of your present and future. you have put your entire BEING on hold waiting for a fairy tale.
There are people in our lives that we're ALLOWED to always love. Dave is yours. but you have to let go of the hope of your plan. you have to accept the memories.. accept the sadness and all the songs you have for your guys' relationship and put them in a box and let them go.
If you forever hold on to Dave.. you will never let your heart heal.. and you will never let anyone else in.
I said earlier that none of us are exempt from these relationship stereotypes.. these phases of life we unfortunately have to go through.. i promise christie that you're not alone.
The first loves of the world are crying with you.. the broken hearts of those that have been deceived.. and the broken people who have lost themselves in the attempt to please another. We all stand behind you with open arms and success stories of those that have moved on.
You WILL. i promise. you just have to let yourself.
Don't hide from it..
Acknowledge that you loved him.
Acknowledge that he was a huge chunk of your life..
and then move on from it.
Through time.. you will be able to build yourself from the ashes he left you in and be stronger because of it.
Don't let some duche bag tool box take your Christie-ness away from you. Go find her again.. and prince charming will find you.
The rest of the heartbreaking friends of mine will have to await their stories and advice for at least a couple hours.. as this post is getting lengthy..
The heart is a strong muscle of our body.. as many times as its torn and broken.. it will always repair itself. It's stronger than we give it credit for.. sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the time required to rebuild.
Hang in there.. let go.. and smile. You deserve it.
(the only good thing about not blogging for so long.. is i can post as many times as i want and not feel retarded) so.... basically until.. an hour from now.. talk to you soon!
xox
-Callymon
One.. i'm completely in love with Prince william. Expect a Royal wedding blog VERY SOON.
Two - given that i haven't blogged in a record time of like.. 2 weeks.. you know my life has been on crack.
Between finals.. my head feeling like its gonna exPLODE.. and a couple other things.. lets just say im glad i made it out alive!
it's not that i haven't come to my little blogger page and typed.. ooohh there definitely have been some blogs that have started.. even naming the titles would tell you that they probably wont make final 'publishing' cut..
in life. we go through times where we're not really sure of how we feel.
about people. about circumstances. different situations.. events.. and we're left in our own darkness awaiting direction.
THIS hit me with full force in the last couple weeks.
looking at the situations i've put myself in.. a lot of people would argue that i was simply going through the phases of grieving. That it was healthy. and that i would come out of it.
noo i'm not telling you im depressed. i'm not some tormented being that hates sunshine and chocolate and babies. I'm not even really confessing to a state of sadness.. cuz it hasn't been that either..
I"ve been caught in a state of limbo. unsure where i stood.. unsure of the ground beneath me.. unsure of my surroundings.. and completely blind to any future direction.
i would draw strength from my phrase "tough as nails" and block out any incoming emotion.. determined not to break in any way.. soo focused on holding myself together that i was just.. ok really. we hear all the time that "fine" isn't a real emotion. i agree with this.. but that's all i was. i was fine.
before yall come to conclusions and start checking building tops.. and for reallly good psychiatrists.. allow me to take you through the last little bit of time.
I have been neglecting my friends that needed voices and advice ( and been getting hate mail for it) because i didn't know how i felt myself.. but now that i feel i have a hold of my own emotional roller coaster.. that it wont derail and any moment.. i can answer and advise in my retarded mccall way again.
the good thing about having friends with problems in their lives.. is that you can focus on the problems of others.. and through the healing of other hearts.. you come to your own conclusions.
at least thats what i'm about to attempt.
at the beginning of this blog.. i promised to change names to protect the innocent. and the guilty. i need to add a few more to that list...
to protect the tools.
the liars.
the deceitful.
the ignorant.
the brave.
the lonely.
the broken.
and the straight up retarded.
and so we begin..
Although we all think we're alone in the world of love.. that no one has ever felt the emotions we feel.. and that our relationships are SO different than all the rest.. none of us are exempt from relationship stereotypes.. the phases of life.. and the breaking and mending process our hearts are meant to go through.
our first love. our first heart break. the person we almost meet at the end of the isle. the one we will always love. the longest relationship we have before we end up with our true soulmate. the ones we think will or should last forever. the ones we give up everything for. and the ones that break us down into fine powder.
While the montage of your love life runs through your head and your series of songs you've reserved for each relationship start playing in the soundtrack to your love lives.. allow me to take you into the world and heart of Christie.
unfortunately for christie.. all of these stereo types.. all of these major stepping stones.. were jammed together in one big boulder.. a mountain of experiences... in one man.
Dave was her first love. her first heart break. the person she not only assumed but planned on ending up with. the man she gave up everything for. the one she was willing to bend and break and rearrange and change for just to make him happy. the first and only person she's ever cared about more than herself. The one where.. at the end of the day.. she will never give up hope for. He's her weakness. and if you know Christie like i do.. probably the only one she has.
Dave and Christie had dated on and off since 8th grade. The first time they met they sat giggling talking about their futures. From day one they started painting scenes in their own fairy tale book. Their 'plan' started forming.. the one they anxiously awaited to unfold before their eyes.
imagine at 14 knowing you were going to marry someone.. or at least believing that where ever you went in life.. whatever happened.. you had this anchor.. this default setting to come back to. This is what dave and Christie became to each other.
Even in their off periods they were not only protective of each other.. they made sure the plan was still in motion.
they had some unwritten.. unsaid agreement.. that they could absolutely date.. kiss.. woo.. anyone they wanted to. it would always remain insignificant. The default setting would override any feelings of doubt.. any feelings of love for someone else.. the anchor would hold them in place on their path they had beautifully drawn together.
Over the years they went their separate ways geographically.. even emotionally a couple times.. when they reallly thought it was over and then something earth shattering would bring them together again.. and one look is all it took for the magnetic force between them to be reactivated.. stronger than ever.
They had more than love. they had understanding of one another. They moved as one. thought as one person. even when they were miles and miles apart.
Well... as happy as this fairy tale seems.. recent events began to tear pages from it.. rewrite parts of their precious plan.. and start a new story all together.
When Dave was 20.. he decided that he was going to an Army prep school to play football out of state. Although Christie was sad.. she had faith in the plan.
At this prep school.. Dave met Sandy.
Sandy was very different from Christie.. but something about her kinda drove Dave nuts.
Long story short.. Dave decided that he loved Sandy. Through the process of falling in love with her.. he never wanted to hurt Christie so he kept things from her. Sandy was portrayed as just a friend.. a sister almost.. that lived close by. he 'didn't even think she was pretty'.. and they 'had been hanging out with groups of people.. randomly paired up a couple times'. He told Christie that they were 'just hanging out'. He never admitted to Sandy being his girlfriend. He always kept Christie on the line.. the male ego in him, not wanting to let go of an option. especially one he had made a plan with.
After like 8 months at this school.. Dave badly broke his shoulder and was forced to return home and give up his football scholarship.
The adjustment home was hard.. back to living with his parents.. and Christie was there.
They decided to resume their relationship after their break of a couple years and resume their plan.
Every way that Christie was different than Sandy.. dave learned to hate.
He picked the things that were similar to his half-attempted romance with sandy.. and decided to hang on to those..
But the characters in their fairy tale... and the story line for that matter.. had been changed.
Out of desperation.. Christie saw dave pulling away from her and tried to change every thing about her that he all of the sudden found unattractive.
Her strength became her weakness.. because dave no longer wanted someone that had their crap together like Christie. He wanted a damsel in distress. so that's what she became.
Never having been insecure about being herself in her life.. Christie was thrown in a state of panic. All the things Dave (and the rest of the world) had loved about Christie were gone.. she suppressed them.. and became something unnatural and unstable.
She gave up her life for 'the plan'.. determined to make it work.. afraid to express doubts to doubtful dave in fear that the whole story would collapse all together.
After 4 months of Dave being home.. and Christie developing a natural tendency to retreat to the fetal position.. they sat down and discussed the obvious. They weren't happy.
Christie had been ground into a fine powder through the insecurity that dave put her through.. afraid to be herself in anyway.. not even really knowing what or who herself was anymore.. so she clamped her teeth.. balled her white-knuckled hands.. and walked away from him.
After a month of a couple awkward run-ins... and several rain storms of tears.. Christie learned the truth about Sandy. Dave's sister karen (who had always been one of Christie's biggest fans and allies) had found letters they had written back and forth since he had been home with him confessing his feelings for her.. undermining any relationship he had with this 'desperate Christie girl from back home'.. basically calling her delusional. Karen copied them and sent them Christie.. feeling like she should know the truth.
Through everything that Christie has been through.. the problem.. challenge.. and heartbreaking reality that she came to me with.. was that her 'Dave and Christie' fairy tale was still on her shelf. She still held out hope for the boy that stole her heart in the 8th grade.. still had a small kindling fire going for the plan they once had written in the stars together. She was just adding chapters to it.. waiting anxiously for it to unfold before her swollen tear-filled eyes.
Christie.. as one of your best friends i realize more than most how much you have loved dave. I realize that he will ALWAYS be a huge part of your memory.. and a huge part of your past.
but he doesn't have to.. and can't.. remain a huge part of your present and future. you have put your entire BEING on hold waiting for a fairy tale.
There are people in our lives that we're ALLOWED to always love. Dave is yours. but you have to let go of the hope of your plan. you have to accept the memories.. accept the sadness and all the songs you have for your guys' relationship and put them in a box and let them go.
If you forever hold on to Dave.. you will never let your heart heal.. and you will never let anyone else in.
I said earlier that none of us are exempt from these relationship stereotypes.. these phases of life we unfortunately have to go through.. i promise christie that you're not alone.
The first loves of the world are crying with you.. the broken hearts of those that have been deceived.. and the broken people who have lost themselves in the attempt to please another. We all stand behind you with open arms and success stories of those that have moved on.
You WILL. i promise. you just have to let yourself.
Don't hide from it..
Acknowledge that you loved him.
Acknowledge that he was a huge chunk of your life..
and then move on from it.
Through time.. you will be able to build yourself from the ashes he left you in and be stronger because of it.
Don't let some duche bag tool box take your Christie-ness away from you. Go find her again.. and prince charming will find you.
The rest of the heartbreaking friends of mine will have to await their stories and advice for at least a couple hours.. as this post is getting lengthy..
The heart is a strong muscle of our body.. as many times as its torn and broken.. it will always repair itself. It's stronger than we give it credit for.. sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the time required to rebuild.
Hang in there.. let go.. and smile. You deserve it.
(the only good thing about not blogging for so long.. is i can post as many times as i want and not feel retarded) so.... basically until.. an hour from now.. talk to you soon!
xox
-Callymon
April 9, 2011
.. World of Glass..
There are few things about me.. that if you have been reading my blog.. you know.. or if i told you you wouldnt be completely shocked.
I wish my life was like a movie.
I"m obsessed with the idea of the perfect guy... or my prince charming
and i like to learn from my past.. look forward to my future.. while living in the present.
i believe in living life with no regrets.. however..
i have an epic plan i need to take up with the BIG GUY.. i think we need to develop a 'punch card' system for life..
a punch card for do-overs. a punch card for mistakes you would never admit to. a punch card for doughnuts you could eat without them showin up in your backside. a punch card for lies. a punch card for heartbreak.
and once the punch card is filled.. you put it behind you and move on.
As i look through my past... searching for moments 'do-over punch card' worthy... i imagine what i reallllly would've done differently if i could do something again..
I know all of the trials and decisions i've gone through have made me what i am today.. but was there an easier path with the same destination? did i really HAVE to cry every single one of those tears to build the heart muscle i have?
Because my mind is completely demented.. have i made life way harder than it should be in general..?
I look at times in my life where i fell into patterns of unrighteous routines. no - i'm not talking about sinning. this isn't a confession hotline.
I"m talking about times i allowed myself be less than what i was capable of being.
unfortunately.. this has happened a lot.
If each one of us takes the raw talent and potential we were given at BIRTH... and honestly evaluate what we've made of it.. i can only HOPE you're better than i am.. and that you can look yourself in the eye and say 'i'm truly the best person i can be in every area of my life'.
How many of us slack off because something comes easy? Because something is comfortable? or because we don't know how or why we would ever need it in the future..?
Mediocrity scares me. Its scares me to DEATH!..
i know without a doubt that.. good or bad (most likely bad).. there is no one in the world like me. Each one of us is like a snowflake.. if there were 2 of us... something went wrong. I know that no one in the world is capable of what im capable of. No one would do something and succeed the exact same way i would. Nobody could bring the world what i could bring it.. it comes with our individuality. Someone else could do something better.. worse... or differently than i would.. but not in the same MC-style.
I realize how much i have to offer the world... yet i have still let myself walk instead of sprint.. not lift as much weight as my muscles could take.. and mosey on through my chapters of my fairy tale that i'm in charge of writing.
My biggest fear in life.. has become my reality.
I look to my future.. and ALL i want to be is extraordinary. All i want to be is the best me i could ever even POSSIBLY be! In every area! Yet.. along my path.. i've slowed my progress.. i've slacked off.. and i've let things get in the way of my McCallness that shouldn't have.
I believe that it's not what happens to us.. but what we DO with what happens to us that determines the way we live our lives.
It's like i said... i think i've just made life way harder than it really is! I've created the image of greatness in my mind.. placed it in front of me.. and then backed away from it.
We live in a world full of expectations.
Some people believe that high expectations are in the formula of failure and discouragement..
that with low expectations you will always be happy.
These people... are retarded.
I believe in a world of HIGH expectations and the constant battle and strive to meet them! This is my definition of success! To push ourselves forward in everything.. bettering ourselves inch by inch.. day by day.. moment by moment.
I've talked before about managing expectations and how you have to set yourself up for success.. you have to make sure you set realistic expectations to alter your reality around.. but you are the author of your success.. you are the person who sets your bar.. if you set it low.. you'll never reach.. because you'll never have to.
In relationships.. i believe if an issue is there.. TACKLE IT! don't let it pass by in fear of contention.. don't ignore it because it would be easier that way! take it by the tushy and kick it's butt! beat it til it's resolved!
My friend Whitney just got into a relationship with her boyfriend Rick.
They've known each other for a LONG time.. and they've been friends forever! Watching them through out the years.. has been like watching Lizzie and Gordo on Lizzie Mcguire.. you KNOW they're meant to be together! We've all taken bets to when this day would come!
They dated in high school for a while.. and then broke up after a year because they didn't want to mess with their friendship.. and they wanted to make sure they dated other people before they sealed the deal in the future.
This time when they finally got together (like 6 months ago) all of us placed our bet for their wedding day.. put some money in the pot.. and waited.
and waited.... and waited.......and waited..........................
It's been 6 months.. and they're not engaged. WE'RE SHOCKED!
Lizzie + Gordo = Love. = marriage. = happily ever after!! Whitney + Rick.. SHOULD = no brainer!
But talking to whitney through this relationship.. i've found that things are way harder and more complicated than either one of them had ever anticipated! They were just as shocked as we were that they weren't flying free full speed ahead without hesitation!
Although they both had dated other people since their traumatic break up in high school... they both only had one other serious relationship in their lives.
They were in these relationships in a later part of their lives.. therefore.. they were more 'grown up relationships' than the one they had had with each other all those years ago.
The people they dated opened their eyes to completely different spectrums of emotions.. because they were almost exact opposites to rick and whitney.
Rick had had a relationship with the Anti-whitney.
Whitney had had a relationship with the Anti-rick.
and now they're both so confused about what they want that they can't see the magic that everyone else can.
Whitney's ex boyfriend Winston.. has become the standard. He is what she knows and what she was last comfortable with as far as a relationship goes.. He was crazy.. out there.. took control.. took center stage.. and dragged her out to the middle with him. He did his thing.. she did hers.. and together they made this unstoppable train.
Rick.. is more reserved.. his relationship with whitney was a more private one.. they liked to spend more time alone and with their families rather than friends.. Whitney took center stage.. OR rick took center stage.. it was a trade off relationship.. as opposed to a duet centered one. They rode solo.. and took each other's back seats.
Britney.. rick's ex.. was the fan club. She was always backstage cheering rick on.. but never EVER would step into the spotlight with him. she RAN the spotlight.. making sure it was on him at all times! She became the standard for him. It was no longer a Whitney centered world.. there were other factors.. other options ..in the picture now.
With the changes and the growing that both Whit and Rick have gone through... the rest of the world sits back and we think.. daaaang they're more perfect for each other NOW than they ever were before! just IMAGINE how happy they're going to be now! they were made for each other!
But whitney is confused. so is rick. and they don't know what to do.
Mclove Dr. to the rescue.
As much as you two THINK you know each other already... from what you've told me.. all you've wanted each other to be.. is something that you're not.
You've attempted to recreate the relationships you were last in.. only with each other.
Whitney.. you are never going to BE britney.. and if rick wants that.. screw him.
I don't think he really does. He just has to reset his standard.. and figure out what about YOU that he loves.. instead of what about you is like britney that he loves.
Rick.. you could never and will never be Winston. You should accept this confidently. But you need to know that because whitney is now used to sharing the spotlight.. as opposed to sitting in the audience half the time.. that its gonna take some adjustment!
Learn to love a NEW relationship.. not hold on to an old one! you're different people! recreate the magic that all of us see in you guys!! you're not far from it already!
Set the standard of success in your relationship.. and then don't back away from it! embrace it! tackle it!!
SET high expectations.. and then meet them together!! your relationship will be stronger.. better.. and what you want.. because of it!
Don't be afraid to adjust! It's part of the process of 'becoming'.
Don't settle for the mediocrity that you're in right now.
You're making this way harder than it should be.
Each one of us is born to succeed.
In our passions.. relationships.. education.. physically.. emotionally.. spiritually.. mentally...
We are the only thing holding ourselves back. We're given the tools. We need to rise to the occasion.
My friend Jordan has always been a star athlete. In highschool.. he was an all-state soccer player.. he was fast.. athletic (obviously).. he was team captain his Jr. and Sr. year.. and he had the world at his finger tips.
Soccer had always come naturally to him... easy to him.. and he had always been the best. He never had to stretch past the point of discomfort to be ahead of the pack.
Other's looked up to him.. and he wore the mantle of leadership well. he enjoyed it. He enjoyed motivating others through his remarkable talent.
When transitioning into college soccer after a 2 year mission for his church.. his world was ROCKED.
Soccer was everything. and now soccer was HARD!
in college.. they did it differently.
in college.. he wasn't known as the best.. he left his reputation in high school and had to form a new one based on hard work and respect.
His talent was easily met with others on the team. the ONLY thing that would set him apart was his work ethic..
but he came to me and vented that he didn't know if he could do it.
he didn't know if he could spend the time and effort to work his way back up from the bottom to rise to the top in this new empire of college sports. Sure he loved soccer... but he didn't love sitting the bench in soccer taking notes.. he liked the action.. the sweat.. the WORK.. and the glory!
Jordan... my advice..
stick to it! for the first time in your life something you love is hard for you! soccer has never been hard! you have the opportunity to stretch PAST the point of discomfort.. to not sit back and let your life run it's course but to take life by the tush and fight for something!
You're finally in CONTROL of your situation! of your future!!
Don't quit because it's hard! THRIVE because it's hard! Love the difficultly.. LOVE the new challenge that it brings!! i believe in you! you need to believe in yourself!
Don't be prideful.. don't think you're above being the underdog.. and you will be better than you ever even imagined you could be!
Set the standard.. and meet it!
Place success in front of you.. and sprint your guts out to it!! don't you dare run away from it!
you can do it.
We live in a world of glass... we're so afraid of setting it off balance.. cuz it might break! we feel like everyone is looking in on us.. waiting for us to mess up.. and it paralyzes us. We're afraid of setting expectations because then people will expect us to meet them!
Glass that is left still..and let be.. will always be glass... dirty.. dusty.. ordinary.. glass..
but glass that's put through refiners fires.. time and time again.. that's paid attention to.. and perfected daily.. is made into something beautiful... something artistic.. something much more than something to look through.. its made something to look AT.
You write the recipe for your own success.. you measure it.. you make it.. and then you get to enjoy it!
Don't let yourself settle at mediocrity. STRIVE for excellence. THRIVE on the extraordinary. and push yourself past the point of discomfort to achieve it!
Don't let yourself go one DAY without being happy. You deserve so much more than that!
Go be your own miracle. Be your own self-help book.
and if you need a pick me up.. you know where to find me.
xoxo
McSwagger.
I wish my life was like a movie.
I"m obsessed with the idea of the perfect guy... or my prince charming
and i like to learn from my past.. look forward to my future.. while living in the present.
i believe in living life with no regrets.. however..
i have an epic plan i need to take up with the BIG GUY.. i think we need to develop a 'punch card' system for life..
a punch card for do-overs. a punch card for mistakes you would never admit to. a punch card for doughnuts you could eat without them showin up in your backside. a punch card for lies. a punch card for heartbreak.
and once the punch card is filled.. you put it behind you and move on.
As i look through my past... searching for moments 'do-over punch card' worthy... i imagine what i reallllly would've done differently if i could do something again..
I know all of the trials and decisions i've gone through have made me what i am today.. but was there an easier path with the same destination? did i really HAVE to cry every single one of those tears to build the heart muscle i have?
Because my mind is completely demented.. have i made life way harder than it should be in general..?
I look at times in my life where i fell into patterns of unrighteous routines. no - i'm not talking about sinning. this isn't a confession hotline.
I"m talking about times i allowed myself be less than what i was capable of being.
unfortunately.. this has happened a lot.
If each one of us takes the raw talent and potential we were given at BIRTH... and honestly evaluate what we've made of it.. i can only HOPE you're better than i am.. and that you can look yourself in the eye and say 'i'm truly the best person i can be in every area of my life'.
How many of us slack off because something comes easy? Because something is comfortable? or because we don't know how or why we would ever need it in the future..?
Mediocrity scares me. Its scares me to DEATH!..
i know without a doubt that.. good or bad (most likely bad).. there is no one in the world like me. Each one of us is like a snowflake.. if there were 2 of us... something went wrong. I know that no one in the world is capable of what im capable of. No one would do something and succeed the exact same way i would. Nobody could bring the world what i could bring it.. it comes with our individuality. Someone else could do something better.. worse... or differently than i would.. but not in the same MC-style.
I realize how much i have to offer the world... yet i have still let myself walk instead of sprint.. not lift as much weight as my muscles could take.. and mosey on through my chapters of my fairy tale that i'm in charge of writing.
My biggest fear in life.. has become my reality.
I look to my future.. and ALL i want to be is extraordinary. All i want to be is the best me i could ever even POSSIBLY be! In every area! Yet.. along my path.. i've slowed my progress.. i've slacked off.. and i've let things get in the way of my McCallness that shouldn't have.
I believe that it's not what happens to us.. but what we DO with what happens to us that determines the way we live our lives.
It's like i said... i think i've just made life way harder than it really is! I've created the image of greatness in my mind.. placed it in front of me.. and then backed away from it.
We live in a world full of expectations.
Some people believe that high expectations are in the formula of failure and discouragement..
that with low expectations you will always be happy.
These people... are retarded.
I believe in a world of HIGH expectations and the constant battle and strive to meet them! This is my definition of success! To push ourselves forward in everything.. bettering ourselves inch by inch.. day by day.. moment by moment.
I've talked before about managing expectations and how you have to set yourself up for success.. you have to make sure you set realistic expectations to alter your reality around.. but you are the author of your success.. you are the person who sets your bar.. if you set it low.. you'll never reach.. because you'll never have to.
In relationships.. i believe if an issue is there.. TACKLE IT! don't let it pass by in fear of contention.. don't ignore it because it would be easier that way! take it by the tushy and kick it's butt! beat it til it's resolved!
My friend Whitney just got into a relationship with her boyfriend Rick.
They've known each other for a LONG time.. and they've been friends forever! Watching them through out the years.. has been like watching Lizzie and Gordo on Lizzie Mcguire.. you KNOW they're meant to be together! We've all taken bets to when this day would come!
They dated in high school for a while.. and then broke up after a year because they didn't want to mess with their friendship.. and they wanted to make sure they dated other people before they sealed the deal in the future.
This time when they finally got together (like 6 months ago) all of us placed our bet for their wedding day.. put some money in the pot.. and waited.
and waited.... and waited.......and waited..........................
It's been 6 months.. and they're not engaged. WE'RE SHOCKED!
Lizzie + Gordo = Love. = marriage. = happily ever after!! Whitney + Rick.. SHOULD = no brainer!
But talking to whitney through this relationship.. i've found that things are way harder and more complicated than either one of them had ever anticipated! They were just as shocked as we were that they weren't flying free full speed ahead without hesitation!
Although they both had dated other people since their traumatic break up in high school... they both only had one other serious relationship in their lives.
They were in these relationships in a later part of their lives.. therefore.. they were more 'grown up relationships' than the one they had had with each other all those years ago.
The people they dated opened their eyes to completely different spectrums of emotions.. because they were almost exact opposites to rick and whitney.
Rick had had a relationship with the Anti-whitney.
Whitney had had a relationship with the Anti-rick.
and now they're both so confused about what they want that they can't see the magic that everyone else can.
Whitney's ex boyfriend Winston.. has become the standard. He is what she knows and what she was last comfortable with as far as a relationship goes.. He was crazy.. out there.. took control.. took center stage.. and dragged her out to the middle with him. He did his thing.. she did hers.. and together they made this unstoppable train.
Rick.. is more reserved.. his relationship with whitney was a more private one.. they liked to spend more time alone and with their families rather than friends.. Whitney took center stage.. OR rick took center stage.. it was a trade off relationship.. as opposed to a duet centered one. They rode solo.. and took each other's back seats.
Britney.. rick's ex.. was the fan club. She was always backstage cheering rick on.. but never EVER would step into the spotlight with him. she RAN the spotlight.. making sure it was on him at all times! She became the standard for him. It was no longer a Whitney centered world.. there were other factors.. other options ..in the picture now.
With the changes and the growing that both Whit and Rick have gone through... the rest of the world sits back and we think.. daaaang they're more perfect for each other NOW than they ever were before! just IMAGINE how happy they're going to be now! they were made for each other!
But whitney is confused. so is rick. and they don't know what to do.
Mclove Dr. to the rescue.
As much as you two THINK you know each other already... from what you've told me.. all you've wanted each other to be.. is something that you're not.
You've attempted to recreate the relationships you were last in.. only with each other.
Whitney.. you are never going to BE britney.. and if rick wants that.. screw him.
I don't think he really does. He just has to reset his standard.. and figure out what about YOU that he loves.. instead of what about you is like britney that he loves.
Rick.. you could never and will never be Winston. You should accept this confidently. But you need to know that because whitney is now used to sharing the spotlight.. as opposed to sitting in the audience half the time.. that its gonna take some adjustment!
Learn to love a NEW relationship.. not hold on to an old one! you're different people! recreate the magic that all of us see in you guys!! you're not far from it already!
Set the standard of success in your relationship.. and then don't back away from it! embrace it! tackle it!!
SET high expectations.. and then meet them together!! your relationship will be stronger.. better.. and what you want.. because of it!
Don't be afraid to adjust! It's part of the process of 'becoming'.
Don't settle for the mediocrity that you're in right now.
You're making this way harder than it should be.
Each one of us is born to succeed.
In our passions.. relationships.. education.. physically.. emotionally.. spiritually.. mentally...
We are the only thing holding ourselves back. We're given the tools. We need to rise to the occasion.
My friend Jordan has always been a star athlete. In highschool.. he was an all-state soccer player.. he was fast.. athletic (obviously).. he was team captain his Jr. and Sr. year.. and he had the world at his finger tips.
Soccer had always come naturally to him... easy to him.. and he had always been the best. He never had to stretch past the point of discomfort to be ahead of the pack.
Other's looked up to him.. and he wore the mantle of leadership well. he enjoyed it. He enjoyed motivating others through his remarkable talent.
When transitioning into college soccer after a 2 year mission for his church.. his world was ROCKED.
Soccer was everything. and now soccer was HARD!
in college.. they did it differently.
in college.. he wasn't known as the best.. he left his reputation in high school and had to form a new one based on hard work and respect.
His talent was easily met with others on the team. the ONLY thing that would set him apart was his work ethic..
but he came to me and vented that he didn't know if he could do it.
he didn't know if he could spend the time and effort to work his way back up from the bottom to rise to the top in this new empire of college sports. Sure he loved soccer... but he didn't love sitting the bench in soccer taking notes.. he liked the action.. the sweat.. the WORK.. and the glory!
Jordan... my advice..
stick to it! for the first time in your life something you love is hard for you! soccer has never been hard! you have the opportunity to stretch PAST the point of discomfort.. to not sit back and let your life run it's course but to take life by the tush and fight for something!
You're finally in CONTROL of your situation! of your future!!
Don't quit because it's hard! THRIVE because it's hard! Love the difficultly.. LOVE the new challenge that it brings!! i believe in you! you need to believe in yourself!
Don't be prideful.. don't think you're above being the underdog.. and you will be better than you ever even imagined you could be!
Set the standard.. and meet it!
Place success in front of you.. and sprint your guts out to it!! don't you dare run away from it!
you can do it.
We live in a world of glass... we're so afraid of setting it off balance.. cuz it might break! we feel like everyone is looking in on us.. waiting for us to mess up.. and it paralyzes us. We're afraid of setting expectations because then people will expect us to meet them!
Glass that is left still..and let be.. will always be glass... dirty.. dusty.. ordinary.. glass..
but glass that's put through refiners fires.. time and time again.. that's paid attention to.. and perfected daily.. is made into something beautiful... something artistic.. something much more than something to look through.. its made something to look AT.
You write the recipe for your own success.. you measure it.. you make it.. and then you get to enjoy it!
Don't let yourself settle at mediocrity. STRIVE for excellence. THRIVE on the extraordinary. and push yourself past the point of discomfort to achieve it!
Don't let yourself go one DAY without being happy. You deserve so much more than that!
Go be your own miracle. Be your own self-help book.
and if you need a pick me up.. you know where to find me.
xoxo
McSwagger.
April 1, 2011
..Lessons Learned..
The other day i sat and tried to imagine the rest of my life..
I'm at an age where i'm supposed to be able to do this to some extent... Where i take all the advice i've acquired in my life.. filter it.. and apply it the way i feel will be most beneficial to my future.
When reminiscing the last 20 years.. certain memories stand out more than others..
Sometimes i think my mind is demented... I remember the oddest things about my past..
extremely specific experiences.. extremely specific words that were said.. that made me feel a very specific way. Why i remember SOME and not others i have no idea.. But for some reason.. these things have stuck with me and changed me in some ways forever...
How can i use these random teaching moments now.. in this confusing time in my life that feels like i'm stuck in a revolving door.. while i attempt to figure out the NEXT 20 years..? Well you know me.. i'm about to tell you!
These memories are completely random.. the people that said what they said probably had no IDEA i'd remember it past that very moment.. but each one planted a seed that grew into either a monster or a mountain in my life. (i know what you're thinking.. where can i get me some mountain seeds... check smiths market place.. or walmart.. they have everything there)
When i was like..8..? i was at church in my sunday school class. wait wait wait... let me give you a visual of how i was when i was 8... i thought i was friggin awesome. ... ok that's all you need to know..
i was sitting there and it came time to pray.. the little boy named Sam in my class.. bless his heart.. stood up to pray.
He blessed each one of us individually.. blessed the black board.. blessed the chairs.. blessed the grass.. blessed the trees... and then he blessed the food.
hm... food...? food.... dang that sunday school class must've been awesome if it had food!! ....no. we didn't have any food.
When the prayer was over.. i looked at him in all my sassy-ness and said... "bless the food?"
WHACK. the teacher looked at me... and all he said was.. "McCall.... do we make fun of people when they pray..?"
i literally have never been the same! I'm so sorry sam! you can bless the dang food if you want to! I was in the wrong. i hope your now 22 year old self.. where ever you are.. can see past me putting you down when we were 7.
Lesson: Never put others down to make someone laugh.. draw attention to yourself.. or make YOU feel better about yourself. bless the dang food if you want to bless the dang food. you'll eat it eventually!
This statement.. was sooooo simple. he didn't even SCOLD me.. he just gave me "the look".
If you've ever been a teenager.. you know EXACTLY what look i'm talking about..
the disappointed.. 'you know better' look that could melt a steel house!
Another lesson i learned from my 8 year old moment of shame was.. don't do things for others.. do things for yourself! Don't look to others for approval.. don't validate yourself in the opinion of another.. you will never be happy if you do!
Dress the way YOU want to dress.. talk the way YOU want to talk.. treat others the way YOU want to treat them.. DON'T just go with the crowd!
.. some people think that gossiping and putting others down is a thing of the past... that it's 'Soooo highschool' but the reality of it.. is that it goes on forever and ever.. mama drama.. grandma drama.. you'll never escape it if you feed into it. and nobody likes being the subject of ridicule even if it's in a joking matter.. Learn from MY mistake...
Don't make fun of people when they pray.
Another epic life-changing moment.. was in the first grade.
my mom was in charge of the school's upcoming event.. it was a 'Sock-Hop' where everyone dressed up in poodle skirts and Greese t-shirts and came and rocked out to 'rockin around the clock' and 'Greese Lightning' all night long..
in the middle of one of mama kel's finer moments of jumping around and singing while building the set.. she stepped on a board that should NOT have been where it was....
2 nails went all the way through her foot.. leaving her on crutches for the week.
When she came to see me in my first grade class room... i had a complete panic attack when she walked away.. i couldn't BREATHE.. and i started to cry..
now ok.. i know all yall are thinkin.. first grader.. crying... that's not weird at all you freak... but i was the girl that NEVER cried.. i was just as tough as the nails that went through mama kel's foot.. THIS. WAS. RARE!
As i sat there in my 2 foot high desk.. trying to hide this scene from the rest of the class.. the boy that i was in LOVE with came up to me and said 3 words... "are you ok?"
not the- i'm a first grade little punk and i'm trying to draw attention to you and make sure your head isn't gonna explode - kind of are you ok.....
but he said it like he genuinely cared about if i was ok or not..
in this moment.. i fell in love with him.. with boys..
i fell in love with love.
I played 'boys chase girls' (ya we were realll creative with our names) at recess.. shoe football.. and would call boys with my best friend hannah.. tell them we thought they were cute.. and hang up.
This love of boys.. and love in general... has only grown ever since.
yup. folks.. i started young..
Lesson: McCall is boy crazy. and has been since the first grade... alright.. this is more of a fact..
Lesson: never hesitate to tell those you care about how you feel about them.
In 'My best friend's wedding' when michael and Julia are talking on the boat on the epic day together.. he tells her.. that when you love someone.. and you feel the urge to say it.. never EVER let that moment get away from you! cuz you can never get it back! If you feel it.. SAY IT!
express gratitude.. express love.. and express compassion in ever way you can. Since this day in the first grade... every friend.. every family member.. every person that i love.. i make sure they know that i love them.
Everyone likes to be loved. common now. Make someone's day.. make someone's life.. go grab your mommy and tell her that you love her.
When i was in 5th grade i remember i hated my teacher.. i have no idea why!.. there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her.. but i wanted to be in a different class!!
i remember 2 things about 5th grade...
1... that i was sitting in my social studies class in a different classroom (the class i actually WANTED to be in..) and the teacher started going off on how it would be if the world was perfect....
"in a perfect world.. THIS whiteboard marker would work... THESE desks would be straight... THAT paper wouldn't be on the floor..." "AND I WOULD BE IN YOUR CLASS" I yelled back.
.. told you i was a punk.
the second thing i remember is at the end of the year.. this teacher that i could find nothing RIGHT with that i had... copied off these cartoon books for tracing for all the girls in my class..
they were heavy duty! and i know it took her a long time!
for the first time.. i appreciated what she was doing for us.. and i was able to recognize that she was doing her bloody best and i needed to give her a break!!
i vowed after that day to never judge someone.. and to actually get to know people as much as i could.
In the 7th grade i got my first official boyfriend. He was a friggin stud for a 7th grader!
After 3 weeks of being his girlfriend.. it was his birthday. so.. being the adorable little 7th grade girlfriend that i was.. i decorated his locker.. filling it with cookies.. candy.. streamers.. confetti.. all that good stuff.
I found that i LIKED doing things for my boyfriends. I had a blast!
well.... like 2 weeks after his birthday.. my parents told me that duuh i wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend.. so.. i broke up with him.. but i still liked him a lot!
My best friend at the time apparently liked him a lot too......
literally the next class period after i broke up with him.. she moved in like a vulture!
she told him that just because I couldn't have a boyfriend didn't mean HE shouldn't have a girlfriend... psh.. ho.
This day is the day i learned that girls will ALWAYS put a guy before another girl if they think they have a chance to succeed with him.
Then 8th grade i got a boyfriend that was a LOT older than me...
yes i thought it was pimpin.. woot woot.
after like 2 months of that.. i decided that it was time for us to break up.. over text messaging.. BAD call on my part..
i was a heartless.. careless being.. i'm sorry 8th grade boyfriend for denying the 45 times you called me.. i'm sorry that i thought text was a valid way to break your little heart. i was a tool.
I've fallen in love with a wide variety of fellas throughout the years. Covering the spectrome of personalities... styles.. heights.. "groups".. hair length.. its been quite the adventure..
All of these little L loves have taught me different things about preferences.. tolerance.. expectations.. and mostly things about myself that i never knew..
All of them have been preparing me to fall in BIG L love.. the kind that really counts..
With all of their differences.. the roster has got me thinking...
what kind of a guy is really right for me?
I've dated tools... anti-tools.. outspoken guys.. shy dudes.. and i've had good and bad experiences with all of the above!
When i filmed HSM2.. i was dating a boy that was very similar to me. we were both outgoing.. loud.. fun.. whatever.
When kenny ortega saw that i was born as the biggest flirt on the planet.. he decided he needed to give me relationship advice..
he told me that i would end up with someone completely different than me.. that i needed someone quiet.. and more behind the scenes... That anyone that was like me would try to dim my light and it would be a constant battle of who would come out on top..
So.. do opposites attract? or do similar people have less of a gap to fill with dumb stuff?
my theory?
It's all about complimenting each other...
The reason people say that opposites attract.. the reason kenny told me to find someone completely different than me is.. when one person is a lover.. and one is a fighter.. the arguments will always be one sided.. and most likely.. reeeaaalll short.
If you have someone that is outgoing.. and someone that's shy... or someone that talks alot.. and someone that rarely says jack.. there will never be a contest of who carries conversations.. and the convos will.. again.. be one sided...
I'm sure finding my opposite in life would make relationships easier.. but is easier better?
i say NO.
i want someone who is JUST as much the life of the party as i am!
someone who can carry a conversation with me when i feel like not talking!
who can fire ME up.. when my fire dims!
i want to be a Brad Pitt.. Angelina Jolie.. couple. 2 powerhouses that combine to form this amazing atomic force that nothing can stop!
It doesn't mean you shouldn't look for the things you lack in someone else..
you just need to find someone that compliments your personality and lifestyle..
someone that calms you.. someone that understands you.. and someone that will stay by you no matter what! Someone that loves you for being YOU.. and wouldn't change ONE thing about you..
someone that makes you want to be better!
Depending on where you are in your life.. you have to understand that there's a difference between a person and their performance...
sometimes you have to give people a break when they're screwing up..
Like in 'A walk to remember'.. Jamie sullivan is a saint... Landon is NOT.
however.. Jamie had faith that Landon could be so much more than he was acting like..
On the surface.. they WERE opposites... but when they got to know each other and understood each other... they found that they complimented each other perfectly!
Who Landon was as a person and what he was doing as a performance were 2 different things. Jamie separated them and found her prince charming under all his crap..
I want someone extraordinary.. that makes me want to be extraordinary too..
While forming a future.. and paving a path.. all of these lessons will definitely be taken into consideration.. and hopefully make me a better future McCall..
These dumb.. seemingly insignificant things.. have helped mold me today..and will help mold me into tomorrow...
ok.. final lesson...
you see how little these instances are...
not one of them is some catastrophic event that shook my world and altered my universe..
but for some reason, they've stuck with me..
All of us have these times... we need to be careful about the influence we have on others..
we never know when someone is going to remember that ONE thing that you said to them.. that ONE time..
live by example.. show up on the POSITIVE check list in people's lives.. not the negative!
Help make those around you better! We're all trying to make it to the future alive and better than we were in our past... together.. we can accomplish it!
Until Tomorrow!
xoxo
-Callymon
I'm at an age where i'm supposed to be able to do this to some extent... Where i take all the advice i've acquired in my life.. filter it.. and apply it the way i feel will be most beneficial to my future.
When reminiscing the last 20 years.. certain memories stand out more than others..
Sometimes i think my mind is demented... I remember the oddest things about my past..
extremely specific experiences.. extremely specific words that were said.. that made me feel a very specific way. Why i remember SOME and not others i have no idea.. But for some reason.. these things have stuck with me and changed me in some ways forever...
How can i use these random teaching moments now.. in this confusing time in my life that feels like i'm stuck in a revolving door.. while i attempt to figure out the NEXT 20 years..? Well you know me.. i'm about to tell you!
These memories are completely random.. the people that said what they said probably had no IDEA i'd remember it past that very moment.. but each one planted a seed that grew into either a monster or a mountain in my life. (i know what you're thinking.. where can i get me some mountain seeds... check smiths market place.. or walmart.. they have everything there)
When i was like..8..? i was at church in my sunday school class. wait wait wait... let me give you a visual of how i was when i was 8... i thought i was friggin awesome. ... ok that's all you need to know..
i was sitting there and it came time to pray.. the little boy named Sam in my class.. bless his heart.. stood up to pray.
He blessed each one of us individually.. blessed the black board.. blessed the chairs.. blessed the grass.. blessed the trees... and then he blessed the food.
hm... food...? food.... dang that sunday school class must've been awesome if it had food!! ....no. we didn't have any food.
When the prayer was over.. i looked at him in all my sassy-ness and said... "bless the food?"
WHACK. the teacher looked at me... and all he said was.. "McCall.... do we make fun of people when they pray..?"
i literally have never been the same! I'm so sorry sam! you can bless the dang food if you want to! I was in the wrong. i hope your now 22 year old self.. where ever you are.. can see past me putting you down when we were 7.
Lesson: Never put others down to make someone laugh.. draw attention to yourself.. or make YOU feel better about yourself. bless the dang food if you want to bless the dang food. you'll eat it eventually!
This statement.. was sooooo simple. he didn't even SCOLD me.. he just gave me "the look".
If you've ever been a teenager.. you know EXACTLY what look i'm talking about..
the disappointed.. 'you know better' look that could melt a steel house!
Another lesson i learned from my 8 year old moment of shame was.. don't do things for others.. do things for yourself! Don't look to others for approval.. don't validate yourself in the opinion of another.. you will never be happy if you do!
Dress the way YOU want to dress.. talk the way YOU want to talk.. treat others the way YOU want to treat them.. DON'T just go with the crowd!
.. some people think that gossiping and putting others down is a thing of the past... that it's 'Soooo highschool' but the reality of it.. is that it goes on forever and ever.. mama drama.. grandma drama.. you'll never escape it if you feed into it. and nobody likes being the subject of ridicule even if it's in a joking matter.. Learn from MY mistake...
Don't make fun of people when they pray.
Another epic life-changing moment.. was in the first grade.
my mom was in charge of the school's upcoming event.. it was a 'Sock-Hop' where everyone dressed up in poodle skirts and Greese t-shirts and came and rocked out to 'rockin around the clock' and 'Greese Lightning' all night long..
in the middle of one of mama kel's finer moments of jumping around and singing while building the set.. she stepped on a board that should NOT have been where it was....
2 nails went all the way through her foot.. leaving her on crutches for the week.
When she came to see me in my first grade class room... i had a complete panic attack when she walked away.. i couldn't BREATHE.. and i started to cry..
now ok.. i know all yall are thinkin.. first grader.. crying... that's not weird at all you freak... but i was the girl that NEVER cried.. i was just as tough as the nails that went through mama kel's foot.. THIS. WAS. RARE!
As i sat there in my 2 foot high desk.. trying to hide this scene from the rest of the class.. the boy that i was in LOVE with came up to me and said 3 words... "are you ok?"
not the- i'm a first grade little punk and i'm trying to draw attention to you and make sure your head isn't gonna explode - kind of are you ok.....
but he said it like he genuinely cared about if i was ok or not..
in this moment.. i fell in love with him.. with boys..
i fell in love with love.
I played 'boys chase girls' (ya we were realll creative with our names) at recess.. shoe football.. and would call boys with my best friend hannah.. tell them we thought they were cute.. and hang up.
This love of boys.. and love in general... has only grown ever since.
yup. folks.. i started young..
Lesson: McCall is boy crazy. and has been since the first grade... alright.. this is more of a fact..
Lesson: never hesitate to tell those you care about how you feel about them.
In 'My best friend's wedding' when michael and Julia are talking on the boat on the epic day together.. he tells her.. that when you love someone.. and you feel the urge to say it.. never EVER let that moment get away from you! cuz you can never get it back! If you feel it.. SAY IT!
express gratitude.. express love.. and express compassion in ever way you can. Since this day in the first grade... every friend.. every family member.. every person that i love.. i make sure they know that i love them.
Everyone likes to be loved. common now. Make someone's day.. make someone's life.. go grab your mommy and tell her that you love her.
When i was in 5th grade i remember i hated my teacher.. i have no idea why!.. there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her.. but i wanted to be in a different class!!
i remember 2 things about 5th grade...
1... that i was sitting in my social studies class in a different classroom (the class i actually WANTED to be in..) and the teacher started going off on how it would be if the world was perfect....
"in a perfect world.. THIS whiteboard marker would work... THESE desks would be straight... THAT paper wouldn't be on the floor..." "AND I WOULD BE IN YOUR CLASS" I yelled back.
.. told you i was a punk.
the second thing i remember is at the end of the year.. this teacher that i could find nothing RIGHT with that i had... copied off these cartoon books for tracing for all the girls in my class..
they were heavy duty! and i know it took her a long time!
for the first time.. i appreciated what she was doing for us.. and i was able to recognize that she was doing her bloody best and i needed to give her a break!!
i vowed after that day to never judge someone.. and to actually get to know people as much as i could.
In the 7th grade i got my first official boyfriend. He was a friggin stud for a 7th grader!
After 3 weeks of being his girlfriend.. it was his birthday. so.. being the adorable little 7th grade girlfriend that i was.. i decorated his locker.. filling it with cookies.. candy.. streamers.. confetti.. all that good stuff.
I found that i LIKED doing things for my boyfriends. I had a blast!
well.... like 2 weeks after his birthday.. my parents told me that duuh i wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend.. so.. i broke up with him.. but i still liked him a lot!
My best friend at the time apparently liked him a lot too......
literally the next class period after i broke up with him.. she moved in like a vulture!
she told him that just because I couldn't have a boyfriend didn't mean HE shouldn't have a girlfriend... psh.. ho.
This day is the day i learned that girls will ALWAYS put a guy before another girl if they think they have a chance to succeed with him.
Then 8th grade i got a boyfriend that was a LOT older than me...
yes i thought it was pimpin.. woot woot.
after like 2 months of that.. i decided that it was time for us to break up.. over text messaging.. BAD call on my part..
i was a heartless.. careless being.. i'm sorry 8th grade boyfriend for denying the 45 times you called me.. i'm sorry that i thought text was a valid way to break your little heart. i was a tool.
I've fallen in love with a wide variety of fellas throughout the years. Covering the spectrome of personalities... styles.. heights.. "groups".. hair length.. its been quite the adventure..
All of these little L loves have taught me different things about preferences.. tolerance.. expectations.. and mostly things about myself that i never knew..
All of them have been preparing me to fall in BIG L love.. the kind that really counts..
With all of their differences.. the roster has got me thinking...
what kind of a guy is really right for me?
I've dated tools... anti-tools.. outspoken guys.. shy dudes.. and i've had good and bad experiences with all of the above!
When i filmed HSM2.. i was dating a boy that was very similar to me. we were both outgoing.. loud.. fun.. whatever.
When kenny ortega saw that i was born as the biggest flirt on the planet.. he decided he needed to give me relationship advice..
he told me that i would end up with someone completely different than me.. that i needed someone quiet.. and more behind the scenes... That anyone that was like me would try to dim my light and it would be a constant battle of who would come out on top..
So.. do opposites attract? or do similar people have less of a gap to fill with dumb stuff?
my theory?
It's all about complimenting each other...
The reason people say that opposites attract.. the reason kenny told me to find someone completely different than me is.. when one person is a lover.. and one is a fighter.. the arguments will always be one sided.. and most likely.. reeeaaalll short.
If you have someone that is outgoing.. and someone that's shy... or someone that talks alot.. and someone that rarely says jack.. there will never be a contest of who carries conversations.. and the convos will.. again.. be one sided...
I'm sure finding my opposite in life would make relationships easier.. but is easier better?
i say NO.
i want someone who is JUST as much the life of the party as i am!
someone who can carry a conversation with me when i feel like not talking!
who can fire ME up.. when my fire dims!
i want to be a Brad Pitt.. Angelina Jolie.. couple. 2 powerhouses that combine to form this amazing atomic force that nothing can stop!
It doesn't mean you shouldn't look for the things you lack in someone else..
you just need to find someone that compliments your personality and lifestyle..
someone that calms you.. someone that understands you.. and someone that will stay by you no matter what! Someone that loves you for being YOU.. and wouldn't change ONE thing about you..
someone that makes you want to be better!
Depending on where you are in your life.. you have to understand that there's a difference between a person and their performance...
sometimes you have to give people a break when they're screwing up..
Like in 'A walk to remember'.. Jamie sullivan is a saint... Landon is NOT.
however.. Jamie had faith that Landon could be so much more than he was acting like..
On the surface.. they WERE opposites... but when they got to know each other and understood each other... they found that they complimented each other perfectly!
Who Landon was as a person and what he was doing as a performance were 2 different things. Jamie separated them and found her prince charming under all his crap..
I want someone extraordinary.. that makes me want to be extraordinary too..
While forming a future.. and paving a path.. all of these lessons will definitely be taken into consideration.. and hopefully make me a better future McCall..
These dumb.. seemingly insignificant things.. have helped mold me today..and will help mold me into tomorrow...
ok.. final lesson...
you see how little these instances are...
not one of them is some catastrophic event that shook my world and altered my universe..
but for some reason, they've stuck with me..
All of us have these times... we need to be careful about the influence we have on others..
we never know when someone is going to remember that ONE thing that you said to them.. that ONE time..
live by example.. show up on the POSITIVE check list in people's lives.. not the negative!
Help make those around you better! We're all trying to make it to the future alive and better than we were in our past... together.. we can accomplish it!
Until Tomorrow!
xoxo
-Callymon
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