Deaf.. Dumb.. and Blind dating..

Do you believe in love at first sight?
The magical moment when two people's eyes meet and the game is overrrrrr.. fireworks go off.. they GLIDE toward each other through the fog and Michael Bolton (long hair michael.. not short hair) is there singing "When a man loves a woman".
First date. boom. over.
A couple that i know.. Sandy and Don.. knew after a WEEK of dating that they were meant for each other and they were getting married.
Another couple i know.. James and Jane.. knew the SECOND they met that they were getting married. Boom. over.

So.. love at first sight.. it's been done.
Do you believe in love at NO sight..?
We are in a whole new generation of dating... who needs eharmony (or eat-our-money as an unfortunate roomie likes to call it...) or ldssingles.org when you have FACEBOOK!
This conversation has happened too many times in my house this week for me not to address it....
"Guys.. i think i;m in love"
"aaw that's great!!! who is he!? tell me about him! where'd you meet?!!"
"well... he's suuuper athletic.. he.. loves his family.. he's really funny.. really nice.. really cute.. apparently he goes to Moab alot.. he just got out of a relationship.."
"hun.... where did you meet him......"
"well......."
"..... HAVE you met him..?
"no but.. he messaged me on facebook and... we're TOTALLY getting married!!"

sad? yes. true? unfortunately yes.
and of course when they DO meet they already know everything about each other from facebook stalking.. and it's not like.. "ooh you know her too?? small world!" nope. there are no surprises here that they both know the same people cuz duuuh... there's a mutual friends button for that!

it's like in "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince"..(the movie.. dont' quote me on the book) Ron is overtaken by a powerful love potion (in our case.. this poison.. i mean potion.. is Facebook) he goes to Harry and tells him that he's in love with Ramilda Vain.. "I think i'm in love with her!!" Harry replies "ok ok.. you're in love with her! Have you ever actually met her??"
"No! ....... could YOU introduce me?!"

Technically the first date wouldn't be a BLIND date... they practically have done background checks on each other by the time the actual DATE rolls around! They know how many pets they have had.. who their "family" is.. If they have attractive friends in case it doesn't work out..
It would be what i call a DUMB date. They already have wall paper picked out for their house together online.. they now just have to see if they have mad game in person.. and test how good of a kisser they are.. practically a no brainer.. it could be a 10 minute date!

now there are different types of dates that you go on.. depending on where you are and where you want to be as far as your relationship status goes.
There are the marriage hungry folk that, if after one date (or one hour) they don't have visions of each other in white... they not only move on when the date is over... they take their date home early!
There's the player daters that are "only in it for the fun" and are rarely interested in their dates... they're far more interested in people seeing them WITH their super hot dates..
There's the team captain daters that continue to recreationally date to make sure they still have game... and usually date at least a couple at a time.. it's an ego boost thing.
The girls on breaks with their boyfriends that go just because its a free dinner..
The recently broken up folk that don't really want to date.. but go just to go.. to tell themselves they're going on with their lives..
The people in "complicated" relationships that don't want to be the only one NOT dating someone else.. so again.. they just go..
and the pity daters that just don't know how to say no.. over and over and over again.

oooh ya.. i forgot the demographic of NORMAL people... but we all know there's not many of those.. so yall can just shut up.
Every date falls into either a) a deaf date b) a dumb date or c)a blind date

Deaf dates consist of routine questions.. practiced answers.. courtesy laughs.. awkward silences and suuuuper awkward door step moments.
these dates have usually been set up by your weird relatives that saw an old high school friend and frantically went through their minds of who they knew that was "hot and single" that they could set their waaaaaay awkward son up with... you said no to babysitting 3 times in a row... so.. if you didn't want to be avoided like the plague at the next family reunion.. you got stuck going on this date.
On these dates, neither one of the people is really interested.. and if you get a suuper fun one.. you'll get an egotistical maniac that not only is deaf.. but can't shut up about himself.. woo! those are treasures in the dating scrapbook.
These kind of dates happen in group settings too.. you get thrown with your friend's hot date's weird cousin that's in town.. paaarrtayy.
They're deaf dates cuz not only is nobody listening.. nobody cares.

Dumb dates are the dates you go on just to go on. The entire time you're on the date you want to be with someone else.. they usually happen in the pre-DTR phases of relationships where you don't know if you're dating other people or you've decided to date other people but don't want to.. You go on the date to make sure that you're dating but the whole time you're thinking.... "BOYYYYY if you try to kiss me.. i have a taser.."
You can have a lot of fun on these dates.. but they're just dumb cuz you don't see it going anywhere. You're just filling your time card and dating roster while you wait for something you WANT to happen.

Blind dates are the ones that you go into with no preconceived notions.. you go in completely blind.. sometimes things dont work out and you make a friend.. sometimes you come out with an engagement ring.
These are set up by best friends who know you and know your taste in the opposite sex. They pretty much have a 50 /50 chance of working out.
The "blind" dates are usually the ones you go into with both your eyes open.

now BLIND dates on the other hand... are ones that you are blind SIDED. One person is WAAAAY more into it than the other.. and really..? how could they be so friggin BLIND!!! No.. me sitting FAAAARRR away from you does NOT mean i want to hold your hand! .. me running away from you does NOT mean i'm playing hard to get and that i obviously want you to kiss me.. OPEN YOUR EYES. you blind....blind fool!!!
I had a dating experience like this in Highschool.. the boy.. bless his heart.. asked me to a school dance. When he asked me he knew that i had a boyfriend..a super hot boyfriend that could kick the crap out of him if he touched me .. so i assumed he was TOTALLY cool with going as friends.. i was wrong.
The fact that we were in a group setting also made me think i was off the hook...... once again.. i couldn't have BEEN more wrong..
This boy proceeded to attempt to hold my hand.. kiss my cheek.. pull the -arms around me all day long- crap.. when the whole time i was like BROOOO..... what are you DOING.. as i'm texting my super hot super buff boyfriend that you KNOW could kick the crap out of you..
at the end of the date came the door step moment..
It SHOULD'VE been a give in that.. HELLLOOOOOOOO .. there will be NO "insert kiss here" moment.. NOT GONNA HAPPEN... oooooh but he tried. poor soul. i'm like common man... could you BE more blind??
Yes. i was expecting my BF to throw DOWN when i explained to him my traumatic night.....
what did he do?
laughed.
and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed..
i think the ONLY words that came out of his mouth about the situation were "poor guy!!"
thanx bf.. i was threatening him in my mind ALL night for no dang reason. next time.. i'll pack my taser for sure.

You'll go on a series of all of the different exciting dates above.... Woo... yay for dating.
.. and then like i said.. there ARE such things as normal dates.. but those are no fun to blog about.. duuuuh..

ok for the second part...
i've seen things where people write.. "100 things to do instead of drugs" ..
i'm gonna make a new one.. "30 things to do instead of call your EX when you want to"

1. Paint your nails
2. curl your hair
3. Pull up ab ripper X.. JUST to laugh at how creepy Tony is
4. Watch "the princess and the frog"
5. Go Ghost ridin with a girlfriend
6. Play secret agent.. get dressed up in black and see if you can spy on your little sis and her bf
7. Start a blog (careful.. its addicting)
8. Go for a walk
9. Look up someone you dated in middle school and send them a FB message
10. pick your favorite book... now cast it with pictures of people off the internet. (if it's already been made into a movie.. recast it!).. unless it was Harry Potter.. recasting that is sacrilegious. dont. do. it.
11. Call your mom
12. Write a song
13. Look up the midget singing Katy Perry songs on Youtube... i'm obsessed with it now.
14. learn how to dougie
15. Download songs like "forget you".. "Don't want you back".."before he cheats".. and "Undo it" and drive with your windows down BELTING them out.. (girlfriends may or may not be included)
16. Get a sexay neighbor boy to teach you how to "properly" throw a spiral football
17. Play Wii !!
18. Play x box connect
19. Watch "a walk to remember".. and hide all sharp objects in your house
20. Go running
21. Go see the Justin Bieber movie.. i DARE you not to feel better..
22. Get OFF FACEBOOK!! YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT WORSE!!
23. Read "The girl with the dragon tattoo" series...it's amazing
24. Make a bucket list
25. Go to a park and play on the playground
26. Name the dog.. that you want.. but probably will never get.
27. Call your best friend.. she'll remind you how much you DON'T want to call your ex.
28. Try to speak ALLL day with a british accent.. it's harder than you think!
29. Take a nap.
30. Did i already say start a blog'?... crap. sorry.. i couldn't just end on 29.. THAT would be awkward.


There's a million and one things you could add to this list.
This could be your list of things to do instead of drugs.. while attempting to kick a facebook addiction.. pulling yourself out of depression.. or your bored on saturday list.. use it to spice up your life.

Challenge...
mmk this is going to sound stupid. but you HAVE to do it...
set a timer on your phone for 6 minutes..
sit by yourself.. and smile.
you are NOT ALLOWED TO STOP SMILING TIL YOUR TIMER GOES OFF!!!
every time a bad or negative thought comes into your mind you have to ninja chop it and say "DIE" in the creepy accent of your choice.
Think of at least 20 things going right in your life or 20 things that make you happy..
once the 6 minutes is up.. you can go live the rest of your day.. and the rest of your life.
DO IT. i promise that you will not regret it!! You have 6 minutes.. i don't care how busy you are.

Until tomorrow.. Peace. Love. Justin Bieber.
xoxo
- Callymon