Every once upon a time.. after a long (or not so long) journey.. quest.. and chain of dramatic events.. every beginning.. will end one of 2 ways.. happily ever after.. or The End.
Every relationship you will ever get into whether its puppy love or not.. will end in the same one of two ways... you will either break up.. or get married. There is no alternative. And since most people only do the marriage thing ONCE.. most people end up with a roster of people dubbed 'EX' in their little black books.
Some rosters have the numbers of a golf team.. or a quartette.. others could easily fill an NFL football team.. or an entire high school.
In this blog we talk alot about the different aspects of love and relationships.. how to get in them.. what to do while you're in them.. how to get out of them.. what to do once you're out of them..
Today we're gonna talk about what we ACTUALLY do when we get out of the relationships that don't end in happily ever after.. or at least the ones that haven't ended there so far.. The ones we feel are still being written.. or the ones we've torn the last page out of because we didn't like the way it was written.
There's a fine line between crazy and sane... between stalker and pursuer.. insane and brilliant.. right and wrong.. hopelessly devoted and patiently waiting.. no and not now.. are you freaking insane and aaww that's cute.. between aaahh and aawwww..
Many people flirt shamelessly with this line... especially the insanely attractive and swagged out playa g's you don't think to question.
While you're dating these crack addicts.. you don't seem to notice the on-the-fence behavior so much.. its when you break up that alllll the fun stuff gets revealed.
We've all had a version of this conversation with ourselves.....
"I dont like to think of myself as a professional facebook stalker... i like to look at it as strategic.. resourceful.. and practicing a future as a personal investigator for the FBI. I have to build a resume SOME how right? why not start with the sketchy chicks my ex is now dating?"
or
"stalking isn't the word... i'm simply running into him in a premeditated way... if i HAPPEN to show up to the party he said he was going to on his wall... its one of those 'fate' things. we were TOTALLY meant to see each other tonight!..i just have to PLAN these 'accidental run-ins' so that i'm wearing my best lou buttons and my hair is curled... duh."
The flaws in our society become more and more apparent as all of you involuntarily nod your heads in agreement.
See when we're dating someone.. assuming there's mutual trust there.. all our strategy and cunning planning gets put in a cupboard to gather dust until one day that lying cheating son of a duck does you wrong and you get to whip it out again. The longer the relationship was.. the more deprived you've been of the personal and thrilling drama of it all.. and the stronger your black ops mission senses kick in.
Getting out of relationships is hard for everyone. No matter the maturity level.. Everyone gets jealous. No matter how well they hide it.. everyone gets sad. its just the way love works. When these unfortunate relationships take the happily never after turn.. you're faced with another fork in the road.
It then becomes either.. 'this one jerk i dated'.. that you get over and move on from.. still secretly braggin to your friends that you slayed him/her cuz they're so attractive but they're 'SOOO not your type'.... or.. they become like the fly paper that's unbearably.. unIMAGINABLY sticky that you just can't seem to let go! They either become another marble in the jar.. or become the hemp bracelet you never take off.
If you're able to live and let go.. then you probably still do these things.. you just aren't intentionally ruining their lives in the process..
If you swear you're still supposed to be with that person and you can't bear the thought of them with someone else.... yaaa... you do it on purpose.
There are a couple different ways that these situations are handled..
The Black Widow.. and the silent but deadly.
first... the BLACK WIDOW technique. (cue mission impossible music)
I swear the government needs to catch on and develop an all female unit.. the Women in Black... the Black Widows.. that be creepin in yo windows.. snatchin yo hunnies up.. hide yo potential wives.. hide ya friendddss.. hide yaa blog.. they stalkin everyone up herrr.
ok. no. not every ex is a crazy stalker.
women.. and men.. just become conveniently very resourceful in times of need. its a survival tactic.
But in all seriousness.. government... take note. all. female. unit. they would handle their business like no one you've ever seen!! i mean yaa guys can be all... rawwrrrr.. jealous.. and punch something.. but you mess with our personal lives? and we mess you UP! i'm talkin psychologically.. emotionally... physically... psychotically. it goes DOWN! It gets personal.
You know the hard thing about living in general..? anywhere.. and everywhere you go, you bounce from bubble to bubble. the once 6 degrees of separation.. have become 2.. and our black ops widows use this to their advantage...
Even without facebook, before you date someone you know everything about them.. what their number was on the kissing rating list.. who've they've dated.. who they've cheated on.. who they cheated with... you get the run down from friends that know friends that are 'looking out for you'... Everyone knows everyone.. everyone's dated everyone.. in one way or another.. You've entered a bubble.
This is why when you break up.. and pop the bubble.. or damage something inside of the bubble..stirrrrr the bubble a little bit.. Everyone knows about it.
Suddenly your ex becomes friends with EVERY. SINGLE. ATTRACTIVE. PERSON. that you would EVER date... and you can't even call them out on it!!
You come to realize that, with how small the world is.. you are no longer the only mutual friend between your ex and your new potential hook up. in other words.. you're screwed.
Once your ex hones in on the 'code book'.. girl-code.. guy-code.. whatever... they can pull the code on your entire LIFE.. banishing you from any circle they run in because 'how could anyone do that to their new best friend?'.
Guys form fraternities sworn to never date ex's.. screwing over any girl..and all her friends.. that have dated any of the 35 guys that have now suddenly become best friends.
The other side of this.. well. not even the other side.. its just a special division of the club... are.. the 'SILENT BUT DEADLY'.
These are the unnaturally attractive ex's that make sure you see them every place possible so that they can never fully leave your system. They hang out with your friends.. they are in a position where your family would gladly trade you for them... they leave all the pictures up on fb of you two.. making it appear that you guys haven't skipped a beat.
The ultimate c.block. t.block. whatever... they make sure girls.. and guys.. don't wanna get involved.
They stamp 'its complicated' all OVER your relationship without ever having to really say anything!
They also use this 2 degree of separation rule... but they use it to keep the fire and gossip about you two alive! When asked how you guys are.. instead of replying that you had a big hard break up... they leave the mystery of it all out in the open with lines like.. 'i never know with him'..... 'you know how we are..'.... or better yet.. 'eh.. we'll be fine.'
Who wants to fight a ghost? nobody! so people stay OUT of it!!
The fine line that we talked about earlier is weaved in and out of... crossing and uncrossing.. only really forcing every ex out there to land on one side of it.. when their story comes to its own happy ending.
If two people end up together because one was being stupid... it all ends in sanity and roses.
If they end up apart... they are placed in a creepy creepy scrap book that they burn on their wedding day of all those ex's that 'one time did...'
If two people ARE supposed to be together.. all the games are stupid and will be laughed at.
If one person can't rid themselves of the sticky flypaper they've attached themselves too.. sorry charlie you wont get the last laugh... you will be laughed at.
I know you want a big relationship evaluation and MAD advice after this lovely post...
but my advice?
I'm not gonna tell you to man up and get over someone... the healing process is a WHOLE separate other blog.. i'll tell you HOW to get over someone later.. But while you're in this phase of 'not over someone'.. cuz yes. this black ops stuff does mean you're not over them... check where you're at on the spectrum... what side of the fence you lie on..We alllll do at least some of it! If you're now realizing that you're a bit too obvious.. go watch some CSI/Criminal Minds.. put on mission impossible and invest in some sly glasses. mayyybe even.. heaven forbid.. ease up on the stalking.. friending.. and scheming.
If you are 'way too mature for this' then good for friggin you.. you in denial son of a duck.
we know that you're the worst of all of us. you're silent but fatal.
A rule i live by? If you have to tell someone you ARE then you AREN'T...
- friendly..
- smart..
- attractive..
- amazing..
- in shape..
- talented..
- over someone..
If you have to convince someone that you ARE.. then clearly you are not.
Just BE.. and you will be eventually. Dont worry about putting on a show.
You dont have to be over someone and frankly its nobody's business whether you are or aren't. But ruining people's lives isn't nice. so don't do that. be in the bubble.. but not of the bubble. It's a small enough world as it is.
Be your best you.. and there's no way that anyone could NOT miss you.
Until later! xoxo
-Callymon
August 25, 2011
August 21, 2011
..Security Breach..
I'll start out by saying that if you want a happily ever after.. stop reading this.
If you want one of my fun stories that start with an awkward couple meant to be.. and ends with fireworks and goodnight kisses.. this isn't the blog for you.
This love story doesn't end well..
is it helpful..? yes. insightful..? yes. Will it give you new perspective? i think so.
But there are no fireworks tonight. Fireworks don't show in rainstorms. No sweeping off of feet and landing in prince charming's arms in the last second. I'll warn you about this story full of walls and flaws and coming to look at yourself in the mirror for who you are.. and who you always wanted to be.. or who and what you always thought you would be.
People pay a lot of money to feel secure. Look at all the guys these countless blogs make fun of.. that make bank roll selling.. just that... guaranteed security.. security systems. systems that make you feel safe. like nothing can hurt you. How do you even put a price on that?
Exactly. so people fork out the cash and put the state of the art systems into their homes.
If you could guarantee security and safety to your heart.. it would be priceless.
We search for the 'state of the art' defense systems to protect us... and we at least have a bat handy at all times.. just in case.
We all have our defense mechanisms.
Before i really get into it.. i'll apologize.. i know this blog is kinda all over the place.. if you've made it this far.. just bear with me.
I have an extremely high pain tolerance level.
It takes a lot to make me cry.. feel uncomfortable.. or at least show that i'm uncomfortable.. my camel's back can hold a dang lot of straws.
When i was a senior in high school (so aaages ago right..) i hurt myself cheerleading which lead to the first major surgery in my life - a knee surgery. This surgery and recovery taught me a lot about who and what good ol callymon was made of. When i was put out for the surgery my body accepted the general anesthetic.. but as soon as it was time to wake up.. instead of going through the crazy.. groggy.. out of it phase.. i was UP! 2 minutes later i was crackin jokes with the nurse.. asking about things i had missed that i needed to make up in school.. all the time complaining that my knee hurt pretty dang bad.
Being a glorified legalized drug dealer.. the nurse started giving me morphine in my IV.. when nothing happened.. and i still felt pain.. like.. just as much pain as before getting blood-fed heroine.. she gave me more. Each time, after she shot me up.. waiting for me to drift off into oblivion. Waiting patiently for my head to SLAM into my pillow. My pain never changed.
After giving me enough morphine to - as she said - 'put me in a coma for 3 days' she decided to call it quits.. what a doll.
After getting home.. the same process happened with my pain meds. At first, i knnnoww my mom didn't believe me when i told her that my pain wasn't even dulled a LITTLE bit when i took the Loritab and the Perkiset.. but after the first day.. i just didn't take any more.
I have a high pain TOLERANCE level.. which means.. i can FEEL juuust as much pain as everyone else.. i just handle it differently. If i just didn't feel pain.. that would be fantastic. But the fact that i take it.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.. now THAT just makes me a freak.
I find this to be my biggest fault. The biggest obstacle and flaw in life.
Because when it comes to relationships.. not just love relationships.. i mean relationships with human beings... i have an extremely high pain tolerance level. I take the pain and crap that people dish out.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.
I haven't always been this way. There was definitely a time when i was a cry baby.. i mean maybe i was a crack addict cry baby that morphine didn't work on.. but at least emotionally i was a vulnerable feminine wuss that let people do things for me.. that would cry when i got hurt and build walls and beds of egg shells for my heart to remain boxed in by - easily broken.. easily replaced. I used to be normal. an emotional roller coaster. i used to be ok with being weak. Now i have a body-builder heart.
and you know when you get reallllly fit.. or realllllly skinny and its hard mentally to ever be anything else? Like once you hit that point of your peak.. anything else makes you feel inadequate and .. weak..? Once you build rock solid walls around your life.. and your heart.. and your mind... big thick sheets of concrete replaced by egg shells make you feel naked. Once you've been hurt.. you're determined to never be hurt again.
I look at vulnerability as a weakness. I blame our society - in part.
Look at the dumb dating games that we have to play in order to get into what we call 'functional relationships..'
When you start talking to someone - not even to the 'dating' phase yet.. you have to worry about seeming needy.. whiney.. too interested.. too invested.. too 'there for them'.. cuz then.. jelllooo.. you get 'stage 5 clinger status'. If you text someone back too quickly you're immediately ruled out because you seem desperate.. if you don't play 'hard to get' then you are walked all over and tossed out with the morning trash.
We all battle every day for the upper hand. My problem is that i can give advice to others all day and say 'dont do this'.. 'dont play games they're dumb'.. when in reality.. in life in GENERAL.. not just my love life.. if some sort of 'game' isn't played.. i act like every other tool out there and move right along!
We've been mentally conditioned to seek approval from those who dont give it easily..
we've been evolutionized into thinking that we have to put up with it.. and we feed each other the same crap. we're all eating off the same plate.. all drinking the same bong water.. and nobody will put a stop to it!
I look at people that have other people help them with their problems as incompetent. Any sign of weakness and i pity them for not having the b- guts to man up and handle their business.
I shut others out. i speak my mind. and i SUCK at being a chick.
i'm like the big robot monster on the Incredibles.. in the movie.. for all of you that are retarded and dont watch the best movies available.. this monster learns from each person it defeats. It gets stronger and stronger with each fall.. teaching itself how to never fall the same way twice.
I look at relationships that fail.. people that fail in areas of their lives.. and learn from them. teaching myself to never fall the way they fell. whether its to their hands and knees.. or in love.
There's enough disfunction in the world to keep me pretty daaang busy trying to fix myself into a bomb shelter thick environment so that nothing and no one will ever hurt me.
It would be really easy for me to go into a well known.. well rehearsed monologue that many dramatic girls give about.. be alone.. its easier.. or.. you're better off with out him.. whoever 'him' happens to be.. a boyfriend.. an ex.. a figure in your life that let you down.. a dream that got the best of you.. stand strong.. chicks rule.. pounding my chest with one hand.. other fist in the air.. with a girl-power t-shirt on..
I could tell you tough girls to never fall in love.
The ones that have trouble letting past relationships go because for some reason they eat pain with their cornflakes.. to just forget it.
I could tell you boys to avoid us chicks that vulnerability scares. That we're long lost hopeless cases.... hopelessly devoted to something that was never ours.
But i'm not going to.
We don't need to be alone.. we need someone tougher than us to come in with a bulldozer and force us to knock our dang bomb shelter walls down. We need to realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people.. and that not everything in life is our fault. Sometimes things just happen.
Some things happen that you're not SUPPOSED to fix. Some things go wrong that have nothing to do with your life.
I have a friend named Miranda that, like me, has an extremely high emotional pain tolerance level.
She has taken crap from the same guy for a year and a half. He hurts her.. she goes back for more.. he hurts her again.. she blames herself.. and goes back again.
She's like a boxer without gloves.. going into a ring with someone 3 times her weight class.. in heels.. getting WORKED.. rubbin some dirt in it.. and getting back in there for more. It's just illogical.
Miranda grew up with a mom that was tough as nails. Her shambled marriage affected miranda in the fact that she stuck with it for a while. Like Miranda.. she took the blows in the ring.. and ate pain for breakfast. Miranda was hand fed this mentality of love and slowly started building her own callus. 5 years ago.. her mom got divorced. Because of the scarlet D carved into her moms chest.. she too took a big red sharpie and drew one on her own.. thinking that all relationships in her life were bound to end the same way. She would take the pain.. handle life on her own.. never back down..make her own success.. be her own companion.. and come out a winner.
It doesn’t have to work that way. Dysfunction is not genetic. Vulnerability isn't bad.
Just because we will do it ourselves.. doesn't mean we WANT TO... men! are you listening?!
Just because we've built these walls ready for the atomic bomb doesn't mean we don't wanna snuggle inside of them! We want to be loved and held and treated like a woman the same way a whiney.. needy.. vulnerable chick does!
I know i talk to a very select group when i address chicks that suck at being chicks...
but girls... if you're listening.. reading.. whatever.. please take this into consideration.
Everything that has broken you down.. broken your spirit.. and made you build this callus towards men and towards love.. let them make you better.. and stronger.. not tougher.
Don't be a wall that no one can break down. Don't shut off those feelings. and don't look at femininity as a weakness.
Men fill their roll. and as women we fill ours. As much as i try and avoid it.. i want to be taken care of. I want to be the chick in a relationship. i want that state of the art emotional security system on my heart.
Cuz break it down...
When it comes down to it.. when you actually GET in a relationship with someone.....
would you rather have someone needy? or distant?
Would you rather have someone that WANTED to talk to you all the time? or someone that could care less if you texted them back??
Do you really WANT the upper hand with your future relationships? This epic status and way of thinking that we've all strived to achieve and maintain is counterproductive and mind-screwing!!
You boys that think you want a tough chick... have made tough chicks out of wimps.. that are afraid to be anything but on their guard 24/7.
All we want to feel is secure. Emotional consistency is the key in providing that. Don't push your tolerance to a place where it will break you.. you don't have to see how much you can handle before it kills you. Admitting weakness is a very strong act.
Break down your own walls.. breach your own security system.. and invest in a emotional security system in another. Cuz the world is a screwed up place.. and nobody should have to face it alone. - even if they think they want to.
Sorry for the saddness..
Until later xox
-callymon
If you want one of my fun stories that start with an awkward couple meant to be.. and ends with fireworks and goodnight kisses.. this isn't the blog for you.
This love story doesn't end well..
is it helpful..? yes. insightful..? yes. Will it give you new perspective? i think so.
But there are no fireworks tonight. Fireworks don't show in rainstorms. No sweeping off of feet and landing in prince charming's arms in the last second. I'll warn you about this story full of walls and flaws and coming to look at yourself in the mirror for who you are.. and who you always wanted to be.. or who and what you always thought you would be.
People pay a lot of money to feel secure. Look at all the guys these countless blogs make fun of.. that make bank roll selling.. just that... guaranteed security.. security systems. systems that make you feel safe. like nothing can hurt you. How do you even put a price on that?
Exactly. so people fork out the cash and put the state of the art systems into their homes.
If you could guarantee security and safety to your heart.. it would be priceless.
We search for the 'state of the art' defense systems to protect us... and we at least have a bat handy at all times.. just in case.
We all have our defense mechanisms.
Before i really get into it.. i'll apologize.. i know this blog is kinda all over the place.. if you've made it this far.. just bear with me.
I have an extremely high pain tolerance level.
It takes a lot to make me cry.. feel uncomfortable.. or at least show that i'm uncomfortable.. my camel's back can hold a dang lot of straws.
When i was a senior in high school (so aaages ago right..) i hurt myself cheerleading which lead to the first major surgery in my life - a knee surgery. This surgery and recovery taught me a lot about who and what good ol callymon was made of. When i was put out for the surgery my body accepted the general anesthetic.. but as soon as it was time to wake up.. instead of going through the crazy.. groggy.. out of it phase.. i was UP! 2 minutes later i was crackin jokes with the nurse.. asking about things i had missed that i needed to make up in school.. all the time complaining that my knee hurt pretty dang bad.
Being a glorified legalized drug dealer.. the nurse started giving me morphine in my IV.. when nothing happened.. and i still felt pain.. like.. just as much pain as before getting blood-fed heroine.. she gave me more. Each time, after she shot me up.. waiting for me to drift off into oblivion. Waiting patiently for my head to SLAM into my pillow. My pain never changed.
After giving me enough morphine to - as she said - 'put me in a coma for 3 days' she decided to call it quits.. what a doll.
After getting home.. the same process happened with my pain meds. At first, i knnnoww my mom didn't believe me when i told her that my pain wasn't even dulled a LITTLE bit when i took the Loritab and the Perkiset.. but after the first day.. i just didn't take any more.
I have a high pain TOLERANCE level.. which means.. i can FEEL juuust as much pain as everyone else.. i just handle it differently. If i just didn't feel pain.. that would be fantastic. But the fact that i take it.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.. now THAT just makes me a freak.
I find this to be my biggest fault. The biggest obstacle and flaw in life.
Because when it comes to relationships.. not just love relationships.. i mean relationships with human beings... i have an extremely high pain tolerance level. I take the pain and crap that people dish out.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.
I haven't always been this way. There was definitely a time when i was a cry baby.. i mean maybe i was a crack addict cry baby that morphine didn't work on.. but at least emotionally i was a vulnerable feminine wuss that let people do things for me.. that would cry when i got hurt and build walls and beds of egg shells for my heart to remain boxed in by - easily broken.. easily replaced. I used to be normal. an emotional roller coaster. i used to be ok with being weak. Now i have a body-builder heart.
and you know when you get reallllly fit.. or realllllly skinny and its hard mentally to ever be anything else? Like once you hit that point of your peak.. anything else makes you feel inadequate and .. weak..? Once you build rock solid walls around your life.. and your heart.. and your mind... big thick sheets of concrete replaced by egg shells make you feel naked. Once you've been hurt.. you're determined to never be hurt again.
I look at vulnerability as a weakness. I blame our society - in part.
Look at the dumb dating games that we have to play in order to get into what we call 'functional relationships..'
When you start talking to someone - not even to the 'dating' phase yet.. you have to worry about seeming needy.. whiney.. too interested.. too invested.. too 'there for them'.. cuz then.. jelllooo.. you get 'stage 5 clinger status'. If you text someone back too quickly you're immediately ruled out because you seem desperate.. if you don't play 'hard to get' then you are walked all over and tossed out with the morning trash.
We all battle every day for the upper hand. My problem is that i can give advice to others all day and say 'dont do this'.. 'dont play games they're dumb'.. when in reality.. in life in GENERAL.. not just my love life.. if some sort of 'game' isn't played.. i act like every other tool out there and move right along!
We've been mentally conditioned to seek approval from those who dont give it easily..
we've been evolutionized into thinking that we have to put up with it.. and we feed each other the same crap. we're all eating off the same plate.. all drinking the same bong water.. and nobody will put a stop to it!
I look at people that have other people help them with their problems as incompetent. Any sign of weakness and i pity them for not having the b- guts to man up and handle their business.
I shut others out. i speak my mind. and i SUCK at being a chick.
i'm like the big robot monster on the Incredibles.. in the movie.. for all of you that are retarded and dont watch the best movies available.. this monster learns from each person it defeats. It gets stronger and stronger with each fall.. teaching itself how to never fall the same way twice.
I look at relationships that fail.. people that fail in areas of their lives.. and learn from them. teaching myself to never fall the way they fell. whether its to their hands and knees.. or in love.
There's enough disfunction in the world to keep me pretty daaang busy trying to fix myself into a bomb shelter thick environment so that nothing and no one will ever hurt me.
It would be really easy for me to go into a well known.. well rehearsed monologue that many dramatic girls give about.. be alone.. its easier.. or.. you're better off with out him.. whoever 'him' happens to be.. a boyfriend.. an ex.. a figure in your life that let you down.. a dream that got the best of you.. stand strong.. chicks rule.. pounding my chest with one hand.. other fist in the air.. with a girl-power t-shirt on..
I could tell you tough girls to never fall in love.
The ones that have trouble letting past relationships go because for some reason they eat pain with their cornflakes.. to just forget it.
I could tell you boys to avoid us chicks that vulnerability scares. That we're long lost hopeless cases.... hopelessly devoted to something that was never ours.
But i'm not going to.
We don't need to be alone.. we need someone tougher than us to come in with a bulldozer and force us to knock our dang bomb shelter walls down. We need to realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people.. and that not everything in life is our fault. Sometimes things just happen.
Some things happen that you're not SUPPOSED to fix. Some things go wrong that have nothing to do with your life.
I have a friend named Miranda that, like me, has an extremely high emotional pain tolerance level.
She has taken crap from the same guy for a year and a half. He hurts her.. she goes back for more.. he hurts her again.. she blames herself.. and goes back again.
She's like a boxer without gloves.. going into a ring with someone 3 times her weight class.. in heels.. getting WORKED.. rubbin some dirt in it.. and getting back in there for more. It's just illogical.
Miranda grew up with a mom that was tough as nails. Her shambled marriage affected miranda in the fact that she stuck with it for a while. Like Miranda.. she took the blows in the ring.. and ate pain for breakfast. Miranda was hand fed this mentality of love and slowly started building her own callus. 5 years ago.. her mom got divorced. Because of the scarlet D carved into her moms chest.. she too took a big red sharpie and drew one on her own.. thinking that all relationships in her life were bound to end the same way. She would take the pain.. handle life on her own.. never back down..make her own success.. be her own companion.. and come out a winner.
It doesn’t have to work that way. Dysfunction is not genetic. Vulnerability isn't bad.
Just because we will do it ourselves.. doesn't mean we WANT TO... men! are you listening?!
Just because we've built these walls ready for the atomic bomb doesn't mean we don't wanna snuggle inside of them! We want to be loved and held and treated like a woman the same way a whiney.. needy.. vulnerable chick does!
I know i talk to a very select group when i address chicks that suck at being chicks...
but girls... if you're listening.. reading.. whatever.. please take this into consideration.
Everything that has broken you down.. broken your spirit.. and made you build this callus towards men and towards love.. let them make you better.. and stronger.. not tougher.
Don't be a wall that no one can break down. Don't shut off those feelings. and don't look at femininity as a weakness.
Men fill their roll. and as women we fill ours. As much as i try and avoid it.. i want to be taken care of. I want to be the chick in a relationship. i want that state of the art emotional security system on my heart.
Cuz break it down...
When it comes down to it.. when you actually GET in a relationship with someone.....
would you rather have someone needy? or distant?
Would you rather have someone that WANTED to talk to you all the time? or someone that could care less if you texted them back??
Do you really WANT the upper hand with your future relationships? This epic status and way of thinking that we've all strived to achieve and maintain is counterproductive and mind-screwing!!
You boys that think you want a tough chick... have made tough chicks out of wimps.. that are afraid to be anything but on their guard 24/7.
All we want to feel is secure. Emotional consistency is the key in providing that. Don't push your tolerance to a place where it will break you.. you don't have to see how much you can handle before it kills you. Admitting weakness is a very strong act.
Break down your own walls.. breach your own security system.. and invest in a emotional security system in another. Cuz the world is a screwed up place.. and nobody should have to face it alone. - even if they think they want to.
Sorry for the saddness..
Until later xox
-callymon
August 13, 2011
..Makin the team..
As summer's end gets closer and closer.. many of you will look back and evaluate your summer lovin experience. Whether you got engaged... broke up... got closure.. found new love.. or filled your roster (and canteen).. hopefully your summer was filled with something you could find in one of the cheesy movies that came out this season.
In earlier posts i expressed what my ideal summer of love consisted of.... no steady relationships.. girls nights.. (or guys nights).. parties.. and being constantly on the prowl. As i listen to the evaluation of lots of different summers.... a constant question and issue has popped up..
girls have wanted to be 'dating' a guy they've been dating... but he has had the scarlet P branded into his chest for 'player'..
And guys are so dang confused cuz they think they're NOT a player when they are.. or are being accused of being one when really.. They don't mean to be.. and nobody understands why they've developed this 'bad rep'. well. let me educate you.
As we transition from summer to fall.. we transition from frat season to boyfriend season.
In summer.. we're interested in getting all our friends together and finding a frat of guys with a somewhat equal level of attractiveness.. and number.. to hang out with.. make out with.. and spend 'sunday game night with'.. one weekend at a time. if they have a boat? bonus! a cabin? double bonus!! 6 pack? requirement. You know they're doing the same thing you have been so of course they're playin you... but its more about quantity than quality in the summer. Pretty face..? Slammin bod? They're in! They could REAK of toolness and still make the team.
In fall... we go from all this free time and sun clouding our once clear vision.. to cracking down on the school books... putting the glasses on to avoid the tools we've tolerated for the last couple months.. requiring more than a boating bod to get on our new fall roster..
We want someone we can study with.. cuddle with on rainy days.. hold hands with on campus.. and take home to mom and dad for sunday dinners. We weed out the players.. cuz during finals week who really has time to creep on the low low to find out who else your boyfriend has been dating? really? no one.
We need someone we can trust with math homework.. and our hearts.. that we know we dont have to worry about when we have to study late.. that their 'study dates' are nothing to go all black-ops for.
Because we're coming out of the critical summer season.. that I not only encouraged.. but deemed as a necessary phase for all singles to experience.. this blog is purely informational. I'm not chastising those who qualify as players.. i'm just telling you to face the music.. own up to your player status.. and change it if you want to grow up and move on with your life. If you choose to keep your player status through out the fall... you'll be like those chicks that wear booty shorts and uggs in december.. in a snow storm.... you'll look like an idiot and be completely out of season. really? no one wants that!
SO.
I've recently had chats with several of my guy friends that start out... 'ok... what do YOU think a player is?? this chick keeps telling me i'm a player! and i'm NOT!!!'
They then go on to tell me how they've dated and kissed a different girl every night this summer.. but it just 'didn't work out with any of them' so 'why should they be called a player?'
The first thing that guys.. and girls.. need to realize.. is that, like tools, there are different levels of player status.
If you ask a guy on the Utah Football team if he's a 'football player'.. whether he's 20th string QB or he starts every game... he's gonna say 'YES!!!'.. probably yell something at you like 'we must protect this house'... or grunt real loud while beating his chest.
He could technically sit the bench every.single.game. and still call himself a football player.. and would we question it? no!
Like i said.. there are different levels of players.. and all kinds make up the team.. all kinds play the game.
A girl doesn't want a guy that doesn't date ANYBODY! Practice makes professional.. and we want to date someone that knows what they're doing! Someone that's figured out what they want.. so they don't confuse us as we attempt to read their minds and figure it out!
It's hard to be with someone that's never been in a relationship.. cuz they are unaware of the common knowledge and in's and outs of what's expected of them... It's not impossible! but it makes things difficult. We look for someone that is well learned in the art of 'Prince charmingness'. However... this Prince Charmingness often times comes at a price.
I know a lot of you homies didn't realllly like that post that i claimed that nice guys with swag are often times wolves in sheep's clothing.. that they are just the BIGGER tools that have figured out the exact cologne they need to mask the tool stench they reek of. Sorry that i hit too close to home on that one.... but understand.. that if a guy is so good at what he does... we can't help but wonder if you've had WAAAAY too much practice!
We're attracted to the suaveness of a well seasoned dater... and then we get scared that they're playing us.. because lets be honest.. you can't get THAT good at it takin one chick at a time..
As much as i would love to give you an exact list to help you decipher 'whether or not you're dating a player'... we're not in high school anymore.. therefore the signs are MUCH harder to recognize.. and prove.. But i can give you some helpful tips.. both of you.
Guys...
You honestly don't understand why you've been pinned down as the player type? Are you demented?
If you are dating and kissing several girls at a time.. or even back to back to back.. then news flash... you ARE a player.
The common rebuttal to this statement is.. that you're in hot pursuit of finding something you like.. someone you want to DATE.. but you simply haven't found them yet.. and you just HAPPEN to be weeding through them at a rapid rate...
I know you think that if you're not in a relationship that you are doing nothing wrong by dating EVERYONE... and hey.. you're right.. you're NOT doing anything wrong... but you're also a player.
Like i said before.. this is informative because during the summer? its totally ok! you've had fun! you've taken out every girl that looks like a victoria secret model... hey.. you've even taken out the ugly friend.. you've kissed them all (practice makes professional) and you've been ok with it!!
But now is the time to change. Or you will go from PLAYER.. to ALLSTAR.. to.. heaven forbid... PROVO ALLSTAR.
If you're doing any version of this routine.. sorry.. but you can't escape the player status.. cuz in all reality.. you ARE a player.. you CAN however.. lessen your player position.
The level of playerness is all based on intent.
The rule is... you can pursue 1 chick at a time. I know this seems a little extreme. and you think i'm on crack. But come on... 1.girl.at.a.time!
The whole 'recreational dating thing' is so 13th grade. knock it off. its time to grow out of going on a date because you a) want a free dinner.. or if you're a guy.. b.) want to fill your dating quota for the week. dating just to date is pointless.. you're wasting their time.. your money. If you have no interest in someone.. don't take them out! save your money for someone you would want to be with! If you meet someone.. could see yourself in a potential relationship with them based on the knowledge and information you've been provided with... then take them on a date!
After the first date.. if you see it going ANYWHERE.. GIVE IT A FAIR SHOT!!! don't move on to the next bimbo coming off the assembly line just so you can get your numbers up there! If you see it working out AT ALL.. unless they give you a reason to doubt the success of a future ANYTHING with this person... pursue THAT girl before moving on to her hot best friend or older sister.
If you go on a date with this person that you were actually interested in.. and then find out that you are definitely NOT interested in associating with them after that one torturous date.. THEN move on to the next one!
Girls...
You have to understand that even if a guy WANTS to be in a relationship with someone.. he doesn't always hit the bullseye on the first shot. He HAS to take out a few girls before he finds 'the one' that he wants to make his chick. If he's gone on dates with a few chicks before you.. and kissed a few chicks before you... you can't burn him at the stake. It happens! It will ALWAYS happen..
Even if they've gone through a few chicks at a rapid rate.. if he is actively pursuing ONE AT A TIME.. then he's ok to take at face value. He may be a player by DEFINITION.. but his heart is in the right place.
If he's dating JUST to date.. then he's a moron. or he's been in pure SUMMER mode and needs a good slapping to pull him out of it.
If they're in the process of transitioning from frat season to boyfriend season.. don't judge them on their past. It was SUMMER.. DUH. Be honest with them... without throwing a DTR their way..
Tell them that.. no you're not trying to dtr them.. you aren't trying to jump into some crazy relationship.. but you only hang out and date ONE person at a time and you would appreciate getting on the same page.. if that's not what they're about.. then YOU decide if you wanna mess with playa playa..
If you are dating other people.. and they're dating other people.. then shut up. you're a player too. give the dude a break.
if they claim they're the same.. and then lie.. then duh.. dump that homie.
and if they walk away from you.. they're retarded and didn't deserve your time.
While talking to different guys that have been offended with their player status.. they claim that 'every guy must be a player!'.. and 'Duh.. then GIRLS are players too!'..
guys.. you're right. Every guy that isn't in a relationship.. and is dating and kissing several girls.. is in fact a player. don't deny it. you look like a retard.
I've said it once.. i'll say it a million times.. the success in every relationship depends on the communication skills involved in it.
If two people are kept on the same page throughout whatever phase of dating they’re in... there wont be hurt feelings.. there wont be misunderstandings.. there will simply BE.
Its when a guy tries to hide that he's dating other people.. or tells a girl JUST what she wants to hear that gets him in trouble.
Yes. some people go on ONE date.. with ONE person.. fall madly in love.. and live happily ever after...
if thats how it worked all the time.. dating wouldn't suck so bad. In EVERY case.. a guy is going to have a list of girls he's dating searching for the right chick.. and every girl will have a trail of broken hearts behind her.. whether they be others.. or her own..
Don't pass on something that could be amazing just because you've heard they're a player.. judge the situation for yourself. Hopefully they're honest with you about it.. cuz if they're not. you shouldn't be with them anyway.
Every player is tamed eventually. You could be his last first date.
until later!
xoxo
-Callymon
In earlier posts i expressed what my ideal summer of love consisted of.... no steady relationships.. girls nights.. (or guys nights).. parties.. and being constantly on the prowl. As i listen to the evaluation of lots of different summers.... a constant question and issue has popped up..
girls have wanted to be 'dating' a guy they've been dating... but he has had the scarlet P branded into his chest for 'player'..
And guys are so dang confused cuz they think they're NOT a player when they are.. or are being accused of being one when really.. They don't mean to be.. and nobody understands why they've developed this 'bad rep'. well. let me educate you.
As we transition from summer to fall.. we transition from frat season to boyfriend season.
In summer.. we're interested in getting all our friends together and finding a frat of guys with a somewhat equal level of attractiveness.. and number.. to hang out with.. make out with.. and spend 'sunday game night with'.. one weekend at a time. if they have a boat? bonus! a cabin? double bonus!! 6 pack? requirement. You know they're doing the same thing you have been so of course they're playin you... but its more about quantity than quality in the summer. Pretty face..? Slammin bod? They're in! They could REAK of toolness and still make the team.
In fall... we go from all this free time and sun clouding our once clear vision.. to cracking down on the school books... putting the glasses on to avoid the tools we've tolerated for the last couple months.. requiring more than a boating bod to get on our new fall roster..
We want someone we can study with.. cuddle with on rainy days.. hold hands with on campus.. and take home to mom and dad for sunday dinners. We weed out the players.. cuz during finals week who really has time to creep on the low low to find out who else your boyfriend has been dating? really? no one.
We need someone we can trust with math homework.. and our hearts.. that we know we dont have to worry about when we have to study late.. that their 'study dates' are nothing to go all black-ops for.
Because we're coming out of the critical summer season.. that I not only encouraged.. but deemed as a necessary phase for all singles to experience.. this blog is purely informational. I'm not chastising those who qualify as players.. i'm just telling you to face the music.. own up to your player status.. and change it if you want to grow up and move on with your life. If you choose to keep your player status through out the fall... you'll be like those chicks that wear booty shorts and uggs in december.. in a snow storm.... you'll look like an idiot and be completely out of season. really? no one wants that!
SO.
I've recently had chats with several of my guy friends that start out... 'ok... what do YOU think a player is?? this chick keeps telling me i'm a player! and i'm NOT!!!'
They then go on to tell me how they've dated and kissed a different girl every night this summer.. but it just 'didn't work out with any of them' so 'why should they be called a player?'
The first thing that guys.. and girls.. need to realize.. is that, like tools, there are different levels of player status.
If you ask a guy on the Utah Football team if he's a 'football player'.. whether he's 20th string QB or he starts every game... he's gonna say 'YES!!!'.. probably yell something at you like 'we must protect this house'... or grunt real loud while beating his chest.
He could technically sit the bench every.single.game. and still call himself a football player.. and would we question it? no!
Like i said.. there are different levels of players.. and all kinds make up the team.. all kinds play the game.
A girl doesn't want a guy that doesn't date ANYBODY! Practice makes professional.. and we want to date someone that knows what they're doing! Someone that's figured out what they want.. so they don't confuse us as we attempt to read their minds and figure it out!
It's hard to be with someone that's never been in a relationship.. cuz they are unaware of the common knowledge and in's and outs of what's expected of them... It's not impossible! but it makes things difficult. We look for someone that is well learned in the art of 'Prince charmingness'. However... this Prince Charmingness often times comes at a price.
I know a lot of you homies didn't realllly like that post that i claimed that nice guys with swag are often times wolves in sheep's clothing.. that they are just the BIGGER tools that have figured out the exact cologne they need to mask the tool stench they reek of. Sorry that i hit too close to home on that one.... but understand.. that if a guy is so good at what he does... we can't help but wonder if you've had WAAAAY too much practice!
We're attracted to the suaveness of a well seasoned dater... and then we get scared that they're playing us.. because lets be honest.. you can't get THAT good at it takin one chick at a time..
As much as i would love to give you an exact list to help you decipher 'whether or not you're dating a player'... we're not in high school anymore.. therefore the signs are MUCH harder to recognize.. and prove.. But i can give you some helpful tips.. both of you.
Guys...
You honestly don't understand why you've been pinned down as the player type? Are you demented?
If you are dating and kissing several girls at a time.. or even back to back to back.. then news flash... you ARE a player.
The common rebuttal to this statement is.. that you're in hot pursuit of finding something you like.. someone you want to DATE.. but you simply haven't found them yet.. and you just HAPPEN to be weeding through them at a rapid rate...
I know you think that if you're not in a relationship that you are doing nothing wrong by dating EVERYONE... and hey.. you're right.. you're NOT doing anything wrong... but you're also a player.
Like i said before.. this is informative because during the summer? its totally ok! you've had fun! you've taken out every girl that looks like a victoria secret model... hey.. you've even taken out the ugly friend.. you've kissed them all (practice makes professional) and you've been ok with it!!
But now is the time to change. Or you will go from PLAYER.. to ALLSTAR.. to.. heaven forbid... PROVO ALLSTAR.
If you're doing any version of this routine.. sorry.. but you can't escape the player status.. cuz in all reality.. you ARE a player.. you CAN however.. lessen your player position.
The level of playerness is all based on intent.
The rule is... you can pursue 1 chick at a time. I know this seems a little extreme. and you think i'm on crack. But come on... 1.girl.at.a.time!
The whole 'recreational dating thing' is so 13th grade. knock it off. its time to grow out of going on a date because you a) want a free dinner.. or if you're a guy.. b.) want to fill your dating quota for the week. dating just to date is pointless.. you're wasting their time.. your money. If you have no interest in someone.. don't take them out! save your money for someone you would want to be with! If you meet someone.. could see yourself in a potential relationship with them based on the knowledge and information you've been provided with... then take them on a date!
After the first date.. if you see it going ANYWHERE.. GIVE IT A FAIR SHOT!!! don't move on to the next bimbo coming off the assembly line just so you can get your numbers up there! If you see it working out AT ALL.. unless they give you a reason to doubt the success of a future ANYTHING with this person... pursue THAT girl before moving on to her hot best friend or older sister.
If you go on a date with this person that you were actually interested in.. and then find out that you are definitely NOT interested in associating with them after that one torturous date.. THEN move on to the next one!
Girls...
You have to understand that even if a guy WANTS to be in a relationship with someone.. he doesn't always hit the bullseye on the first shot. He HAS to take out a few girls before he finds 'the one' that he wants to make his chick. If he's gone on dates with a few chicks before you.. and kissed a few chicks before you... you can't burn him at the stake. It happens! It will ALWAYS happen..
Even if they've gone through a few chicks at a rapid rate.. if he is actively pursuing ONE AT A TIME.. then he's ok to take at face value. He may be a player by DEFINITION.. but his heart is in the right place.
If he's dating JUST to date.. then he's a moron. or he's been in pure SUMMER mode and needs a good slapping to pull him out of it.
If they're in the process of transitioning from frat season to boyfriend season.. don't judge them on their past. It was SUMMER.. DUH. Be honest with them... without throwing a DTR their way..
Tell them that.. no you're not trying to dtr them.. you aren't trying to jump into some crazy relationship.. but you only hang out and date ONE person at a time and you would appreciate getting on the same page.. if that's not what they're about.. then YOU decide if you wanna mess with playa playa..
If you are dating other people.. and they're dating other people.. then shut up. you're a player too. give the dude a break.
if they claim they're the same.. and then lie.. then duh.. dump that homie.
and if they walk away from you.. they're retarded and didn't deserve your time.
While talking to different guys that have been offended with their player status.. they claim that 'every guy must be a player!'.. and 'Duh.. then GIRLS are players too!'..
guys.. you're right. Every guy that isn't in a relationship.. and is dating and kissing several girls.. is in fact a player. don't deny it. you look like a retard.
I've said it once.. i'll say it a million times.. the success in every relationship depends on the communication skills involved in it.
If two people are kept on the same page throughout whatever phase of dating they’re in... there wont be hurt feelings.. there wont be misunderstandings.. there will simply BE.
Its when a guy tries to hide that he's dating other people.. or tells a girl JUST what she wants to hear that gets him in trouble.
Yes. some people go on ONE date.. with ONE person.. fall madly in love.. and live happily ever after...
if thats how it worked all the time.. dating wouldn't suck so bad. In EVERY case.. a guy is going to have a list of girls he's dating searching for the right chick.. and every girl will have a trail of broken hearts behind her.. whether they be others.. or her own..
Don't pass on something that could be amazing just because you've heard they're a player.. judge the situation for yourself. Hopefully they're honest with you about it.. cuz if they're not. you shouldn't be with them anyway.
Every player is tamed eventually. You could be his last first date.
until later!
xoxo
-Callymon
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