Break up Standard Time

When you move through out the world... country.. and sometimes even the state.. you are put on different standards of time.. In California they're the first to know everything.. first to make a good book a movie.. first up in the morning to serf.. first choice for most people to go to college... and they have disney land so obviously.. they were given first pick. Pacific Standard time.
In Utah.. we're kinda in the middle of a lot.. we're literally in the middle of a bunch of mountains (in the Salt Lake valley..).. some people love us.. some people hate us .. some people still think we ride horses to school and french braid our hair.. all of our pictures on facebook have either a "summer" or "winter" vibe.. or basically we're reallllly tan.. or reaaallly need to go tanning... and Stephanie Meyer is from here.. so instead of the lower part of the middle... our points got - well deservingly - pushed to the middle. so. we got Mountain standard time.
In new york.. they're running around meeting deadlines and trying not to get squished by all the big buildings so naturally.. since their taxies can't even wait for people to cross the street.. they made them develop some sort of patience with Eastern standard time.

Everywhere we go people tell us how to set our watches.
We're given a "natural" amount of time that we're supposed to sleep.
On the back of our pop tart.. hot pocket.. and oven pizza boxes.. it tells us exactly how much time to put it in the oven before we can expect to roast marshmallows on it..
We have a pop corn button on our microwave to make sure we don't screw up THAT sacred food!
I know that it takes 45 minutes to get from my house in salt lake to my apartment in provo.. but only 35 minutes to get back when im rockin out to spice girls and N*sync.
I know that it takes 2.4 seconds for my car to go from 90 to 65 mph when i see a cop on the side of the freeway..

So. when it comes to relationships... and break ups.. why don't we have a "pop corn button"..?
or do we?
is there a certain standard of time that we're supposed to take to get over someone.. and then once that passes we go from the "recently single and mourning" phase to the "pathetically still sad over a dead relationship" phase..?
Is there a Break up standard time....?
Most people would say it depends on how long you were in the relationship.
if you kissed him once and dated him a week.. and you're still mourning him a month after you broke up.. you need to get out more.
If you dated him 5 years.. and you stop mourning him after 2 weeks.. you ARE the grinch and your heart is 3 sizes too small.
Sure everything plays into it..
The sense of closure you get.. what new fantastic guy walks into your life after him.. and how many times your best friends egg his car in your name..

Charlotte on Sex and the City says.. that it takes exactly half of the time you were in the relationship to get over the person you were in the relationship with.
So if you've been in a relationship you're whole life.. it's gonna take you half of the rest of your life to get over the dude. woo. who's lookin forward to that..

Cheryl Crow says.. first cut is the deepest. The first time you fall in love will be the hardest one to get over. So all you people who have only been in love once... Cheryl Crow says you're doomed.

Each person.. each group in society.. and every gossip girl stammering to give you relationship advice will have their own standard of "Break up Standard Time".
The thing you need to realize is.. yours is the only one that matters!!
You don't have to set your alarm clock and jump up ready to tackle the world of relationships again when it goes off!
I was sitting with my girlfriends this weekend and they were talking about how they felt so pathetic for still being hung up on some guy.. the same guy that they fought girls in high school for.. the same guy they had their first kiss with.. and the one they planned on having their last with.
Sometimes the love never fully goes away until you find something new and something better..
so. You're job? you recently single people.... Get dressed up.. fixed up.. set up.. and don't worry about the guy or girl in the back of your mind.. throw on some spice girls and "spice up your life".. go dancing.. make yourself available.. and hey.. you WILL get through this and come into a new phase of "recently in a relationship" as soon as you let yourself!
In "The Wedding Date".. Nick says that "every woman has the exact relationship she wants" .. Kat replies, completely appalled, "are you saying that i WANT to be single and miserable.. that i WANT to be hung up on some guy that.. out of the blue.. broke my heart?!!"
Nick replies with "yes.... when you're ready to move on..to be un-single and un-miserable.. you will be.. until then..."
You have the exact love life that you want. Choose the one that you REALLY want.. and make it happen!

For all of you that HAVEN'T been in a recent break up.. you get to embrace my idea about "Soul Mates".
Time after time people tell me that they don't exist. That there's no WAY in the world that there could be ONE person right for every single person.. i tell them to pop some friggin pop corn.. pull up a disney movie and their "relationship-polar-express-bell" and BELIEVE!!! cuz.. my bell? is ringin off the HOOK. my tinkerbell FLIES dang it.. cuz i believe in the soul mate..
I know a big part of this is that i'm a hopeless romantic and.. like i said before.. i believe in happily ever after..

ok. so i was just chastised by my sister.. i should put a disclaimer in that no... there is not one person you're MADE to be with.. but whoever you end up with IS technically your "soulmate"... and you CAN make it work with anyone.. blah blah blah.. yes this is true. But i believe that there is one man in this world that can make me happy and that i'm going to find him and be with him dang it! Whether i've found him or not.. i'm sure is a topic of many late night chats around the valley.. or lets be honest.. around my house and family .. but i DO believe he is out there.
so... to help him out. I'm going to point him in the right direction..
most guys.. you can take notes from this.. and then modify it to fit your soulmate.. (I'll try to standardize my McCallness as much as i can for other believers out there who's guys need some counsel..)

Dear Soulmate,
If you're reading my blog.. which you should be to learn my inner thoughts.. you know that i like cheese. Not the kind that comes out of a can like the goofy movie (it's the leaning tower of cheeeese-a!).. not the kind you eat with crackers like you did in 5th grade.. but the kind that comes out of your mouth with sincerity... the result of preparation and study.. i LIKE to get flowers with cheesy sayings like "a girl like you deserves a flower every day".. i LOVE slow dancing in my basement and kissing in the rain on top of hill tops... i ENJOY being the cliche at the end of the movie when they look deeeeeep into each others eyes and confess their love for each other... and.. I do expect you to know what makes me happy so let me inform you...
i love thinking and feeling like i'm the only girl in the world. When you make an effort to make me feel this way.. it gives me security in our relationship.
Pay attention closely to how i react in different situations.. cuz most of the time i'm not gonna tell you when something is wrong.. i'm just gonna expect you to know and to hold me as tight as you can.
When i don't talk very much i'm one of 3 things... reallllll mad at chu.. Sad about SOMETHIN... or i feel unloved.. all 3 are bad... VERY BAD.
I get loud when i get nervous and frustrated.
You will absolutely know when i want you to kiss me. and when you know.. DO IT! NEVER EVER ask me if you can kiss me.. i will say no.
I love holding hands. i think its amazing.
Show me off to your friends.. i want to feel WANTED.. like you're PROUD to be with me..
if you EVER try to keep me a secret.. you will be crossed off my soulmate list very quickly.
When i cry.. which i can promise you wont happen very often.. kiss my tears away.. and.. DO. NOT. LET. ME. GO. UNTIL. I. STOP.!
I am a genie...and a psychic so if you ever try to lie to me.. don't. Cuz first off.. i'll know.. i'll find out.. and you will definitely regret it.
I will definitely write songs about every part of our relationship.. i'm sorry if i write a lot of sad ones... the happy ones will come i promise.. eventually.
i'm going to think every song on the radio is about us.. every love song will speak to me and most likely make me fall more in love with you.. i see this as a weakness of mine.. but apparently Rascal Flatts have read my diary.. and my blog.. cuz the dudes just KNOW!! not my fault.
For the rest of me.. you're gonna have to figure out on your own.. hey now.. i have to maintain SOME mystery.. right?
Love,
Your soul mate callymon.

Bottom line.. all you soul-mates out there... guys think girls are soooo hard to figure out..and sooo hard to understand...
HOW HARD is it to give us flowers.. tell us that we're pretty.. and that we're right..? not. that. hard.
girls... learn to trust.. and if he deceives you.. let me know. i know people that know people.. that KNOW people...that have guns. and eggs.
Guys. don't mess with us. we stalk you on fb.. we know what you do on the weekends.. and we're not afraid to call for backup. just LOVE us. and nobody gets hurt.

Until tomorrow!!
sorry for the double post tuesday btw..
xoxo
-Callymon
Ps.. Sound track to my life song today: "Only You Can love Me this way".. Keith my husband Urban
"One day you will" Lady A.