.. Control Freak ..

Life is all about managing expectations... communication... honesty... understanding... and facing reality.
If a team that has..2 blind kids.. a kid with no foot.. and has a total scoring average of -4 1/2 points a season.. goes up against the lakers.. and they KNOW with all of their heart that they're gonna come out on top!.. that THIS is their game.. and no kolby bryant is gonna stop THEM!.... they're gonna walk away slittin some SERIOUS wrists!
But.. if they realistically look at the situation... if the coach REALLY prepares them for the beating they're about to encounter... they might walk away saying... 'GUYS!! we held kobe to 205 POINTS!!!!!! lets go for freakin ICE CREAM!!'

If you are set up on a blind date.. you get the guys name.. look him up on FB.. and he's a TOTAL stud..
Then... he comes to pick you up.. and you assume this must be his.. ugly..fat..hairy.. bald.. father... let's just say it's not a good situation... BUT. if you had seen RECENT pictures.. you could embrace the monkey before you in a much less shocked fashion.. you could a) have said NO. or b) have known what you were getting yourself into.
You set the expectation based on the information you're given. And from there you adjust your reality to accept your set expectation. If false expectations are set from bad information and you adjust your reality around it... people are bound to get hurt.
In "A Walk To Remember" Jamie Sullivan is avoided like the plague at school... let's just say she doesn't exactly fit in. Landon Carter.. one of the 'popular punks' at the high school, had been secretly meeting with her at her house to run lines for the spring play. She was doing him a HUGE favor cuz he needed some serrrrious help..
They had gotten together a couple times when Jamie saw Landon at school with his friends. She walked up, and all she said was.. "so i'll see you after school..?" Landon.. obviously fitting the mold of retardedly self conscious senior boy that cares more about his status than the worth of other people... looks at her with his cocky grin.. and says .."maybe in your dreams.." BAM. knife through the heart.
THEN.. he has the nerve to show up at her house!
If Jamie had been prepared for what was coming from Landon... her reality would've been 'oh.. that's a typical response.. he's with his friends.. he cares about his image.. we're not friends.. and we study in secret anyway..' But because her reality had been altered with false expectations.. that they were friends outside of their bubble.. outside of studying lines at her house.. she was crushed.
Same experience... just felt, viewed, and experienced completely differently.

Now in relationships... communication is KEY! Communication is what sets the expectations..
If Luke communicates with Shelby that he'll pick her up at 5:30.. and then shows up at 7.. Shelby is gonna get PISSED. and she has every right to! He set her expectation at 5:30....
now.. 7.. that's not even late in the night. There would still be PLENTY of time to go and do whatever they wanted to do... but if he was gonna come at 7... he should've said 7!! She altered her reality to accommodate being ready by 5:30.. and he shattered the reality by showing up late late late.

Girls always expect guys to know what makes us happy. We want them to know the secrets of our universe without ever telling them.. "if you had to TELL him what your favorite flower was then its not as cuuuute! he should just KNOW!"
"Duuh Tommy.. i HATE mexican food! how DARE you take me here! you should just KNOW these things!"
"Duuuuh... his cologn is SOOO gross... he totally KNOWS i hate it! he wears it JUST TO BUG ME!!"
Sorry girls... as much as you think they can... guys can't read minds. Flip.. they can barely read emotions!
if you want something done.. something acknowledged.. or something changed.. you have to give it to them on a silver platter with flashing lights.. sometimes several times.
After they ACTUALLY know.. instead of you thinking they know.. THEN and only then can you hold them accountable for doing or not doing.
You have to communicate what your expectations are so that your realities are the same.. if you dont... it'll be like you're on 2 different planets!
Tell them what makes you happy! i promise they want to know!
Communicate with each other the limits and expectations of whatever sort of relationship you're in..

I have a perfect example...
My friend Amy was hangin out with a guy named Danny. They spent a lot of time together.. and things were progressing by the day. They liked each other.. they enjoyed being together.. they had a lot of fun.. But when it came to the "us" part of them.. they never really talked about it.. they thought it was unnecessary this early on.
So. they avoided any form of DTRs all together whenever they got brought up..
Amy was a hottie tottie.. and started getting asked out on a bunch of dates by other guys.
In fear of breaking their no dtr record... she didn't want to bring it up.. She assumed that if they weren't dating other people that he would've said something..
i mean DUUH he's the guy.. he would've taken initiative and said 'amy.. we're now exclusively dating.." or 'while we're figuring stuff out let's only date each other..' or even... 'soo uuh.. i'm not dating anyone else.. are you?'
BUUUUT.. Danny hadn't said anything. So... in her mind.. if she were to say no to these dates.. she would be making an even bigger statement than if she were to go on them! SHE would be defining the relationship by NOT dating other people when she had the opportunity to.. which would turn into HER being the one that cared more... HER being the needy clingy chick.. and HER missing out on opportunities that HE was probably taking anyway!!

Now... Danny knew that they hadn't addressed the DTR issues.. to him.. they were 'unnecessary this early on'.. they were just chillin! and plus.... if they wanted to date other people.. they would've talked about it! They obviously were just dating each other.. just not super seriously yet. I mean.. how could they NOT be... they spent so much time together..

uh oh....

so. Danny wanted to hang out with Amy one night.. but Amy had a date so she told him she had plans... Danny went to dinner with his buddy Brad.. and SHOWED UP AT THE RESTAURANT!!
Because their realities couldn't be more different... both of them got hurt. Danny was hurt because he was shocked. the communication hadn't been there! His reality was rocked HARD..
Amy was hurt.. because Danny was hurt. Her date with bachelor #1 didn't MEAN anything to her.. but because it had been handled like THIS.. it did more damage than it ever should have!
If they had only communicated.. gotten on the same page about things.. their realities would have been the same... whether Danny knew and was OK with Amy dating other dudes.. or Amy knew that Danny didn't want her to..

They're expectations were different and therefore unmet by each other.
If you're in a relationship.. or 'hanging out' or whatever.. and one person thinks you're kissing other people.. and the other person doesn't.. and then it gets brought to the surface that the one that thought you were HAD been kissing other people... people are gonna get hurt!
Even if the kisses meant nothing.. even if you only care about each other..
expectations are set. realities are altered around them.. and they remain unmet without communication!

In this day and age.. rumors and gossip pretty much RUN relationships.
We give other people the power to control our lives through the things that they say..

Last night i watched the 'After the Final Rose' of the bachelor..
i know i've said how much i can't stand the show.. buuuut...
Brad and Emily had to address the issue of Rumors and Gossip on an extreme level.. through paparazzi and tabloids.
They could either trust each other.. or not.
They could either communicate clearly and keep their relationship between THEM.. or they could open themselves up to ridicule and dumb rumors that would most likely tear them apart!!
Emily could believe that Brad is a crack addict that has been married 14 times in 9 countries.. most likely has 35 kids runnin around... that he robs banks and feeds off small children... orrrrr she can NOT.
For some reason.. whether you're the bachelor or not... the world doesn't like to see people happy... When something good is formed and good things are happening between 2 people... other people can't HELP but meddle! It comes as second nature!

Especially while relationships are being formed.. on ANY level.. friendships.. 'hangin out' (yuck).. 'just chillin'.. sort of dating.. pretty much dating.. full blown dating.. marriages.. all of the above... it's soooo important to make sure that the sources you are trusting and basing your realty off of.. are EACH OTHER!
That the expectations you set are based on open communication with the other person! NOT based on what 25 other people think about what is going on between you!

Don't let others define your lives.. Don't let others define your relationships..
make your reality one that YOU want to live in.. Set your expectations to where you aren't going to be disappointed in each other.
If you want someone to make you happy... let them KNOW what makes you happy!
Take control of who controls your life.

Until tomorrow!
xoxo
Callymon