..The Circle of Love...

If you feel so inclined... sing to the tune of "Circle of life" from the Lion King

(obviously you have to get the african chanting voice at the beginning..)
IIIIIIIII want THHHAAATT guyyy but he ruuunns so i cry... (add in the african chants that nobody understands)
when you want em usually they dont want chya.. you dont want em they will stalk and haunt chya..
when you want em they will neva want chya... but you run and they will stalk and haunt chya..

From the day we arrive out of high school
and step onto a new dating field
there's more to kiss than could ever be kissed
more to date than we ever will...

There's far too much to take in here
all the good ones are taken it seems
but some day i'll find
the guy i have in mind
take out his girlfriend and he'll be with meeee...

it's the circle of LOVE
the wheel of misfortune
it's a leap of faith
and fallin on our face
till we find the one
and chase is overrrrr
it's the circle
the circle of LOOVEEEE...

alright.. stop singing...put DOWN the stuffed animal you were holding in the air like Rafikki..

Our love lives are a LOT more like the lion king than you would think...
Like Scar killing Mufasa and TRYING to kill Simba...
We have jealous people who want what others have so they try to KILL what they have..and any potential of someone being less miserable than they are..

We have Timone and Pumba..
best friends that stick with us no matter WHAT.. and occasionally sing "can you feel the love tonight" to us while we get our flirt on with our soul mates

Like Scar and his ugly minion hyenas...
We have a bunch of people stuck on pride rock.. refusing to get off..

and of course.. we have the circle of love..
around and around and around it goes..
We want what we can't have... what we don't want wants us.. we chase.. we are chased...
around and around it goes...

There comes a point when we get extremely dizzy and have to decide.... do we want this person JUST because we can't have them? or is there something else there?
Do we only want to be with them because someone ELSE wants to be with them?

My friend Cami is in an extremely complicated relationship.
If she were to update her status every time it changed on facebook... it would completely fill your newsfeed...
I talk to her every couple of days and she's either... in the relationship... out of the relationship... working through the relationship.. getting married... heart broken... or waaaaayy confused.
Sometimes it doesn't only depend on the day... it depends on the HOUR! She loves her sort of- kind of- not- but sometimes boyfriend.. but they don't know if they want to BE with each other..
If you've read my other posts.. her and Jenny are in the same situation.. they're dating these guys that don't want to commit.. so they're forced to date other people too.
Cami and her dude Josh.. started out DTR-ing like every other day... they REALLY wanted to figure stuff out.. Josh would think he wasn't ready for commitment so he would pull back, and then as soon as she showed ANY sign of backing away even in the slightest.. he would basically put a ring on her hand... Is your head spinning? Good. cuz mine is too. and Cami's? has all but fallen OFF!
She got so fed up with defining and undefining her relationship that they finally decided that they were gonna take things slow... date other people.. and figure things out as they went..
no commitment.. no worries.. no stress.. basically no strings attached.
Naturally.. because they couldn't seem to stay apart.. they still hung out and continued to grow closer together..
Over the course of a couple weeks.. things got to the point where they were spending a lot of time together.. and they weren't dating other people.. beacause they were dating each other more and more.
BUT.. the status of the relationship hadn't changed... Josh still didn't want to commit and Cami was still sick of letting him give her whip lash.. so.. I set Cami up with this great guy named Sean! ... myyyy bad (sorry Josh).
She told me they were still dating other people! Which They were.. are.. whatever. So. Cami went on the date.. she had a GREAT time and she really liked the boy! (just call me match maker)
When Josh found out about the date.. he. was. PISSED!!!!! He told her that it had COMPLETELY caught him off guard and that he NEVER thought she would go on a date with the way their relationship had been progressing! He told her that he didn't want to share her with ANYONE else.. and it was reallllyyy gettin under his skin..

After this big dramatic scene.. speech.. and what Cami thought was a change in the wind coming.. Did anything change? ... you guessed it... NOPE.

Josh and Cami are caught in the Circle of Love..
Because Josh thought that Sean wanted Cami.. all of the sudden HE wanted her..
Because Cami was momentarily out of reach for Josh.. he wanted to be with her..
Ya the date slapped him around a little bit.. but because it didn't help push him in Cami's direction indefinitely.. Cami's convinced that all he wants to do is play games with her.. and she thinks he'll never commit... that if she keeps her heart invested in Josh.. that she's gonna die alone.

The games going on between them aren't playa playa games.. they're not waiting a certain amount of time to return phone calls and flirting with best friends to cause reactions.. but they're still caught in the revolving door of 'to commit.. or not commit..' that is the question..

With the recent developments.. my advice for Cami is until he makes you his girlfriend.. you guys are STILL dating other people.. so KEEP dating other people.. if anything it'll make Josh realize that he DOES want to be with you and he really doesn't want to share you with the rest of the world.. or the football team..
AND by dating quality guys like Sean.. if something else comes along that ends up being better than Josh.. you're in a win-win situation girlfriend.

When i was in 8th grade.. a new boy named Jake moved to my middle school. He was cute..he was mysterious.. for an 8th grader.. and heck. EVERY girl in the 8th grade wanted to be with him.
So... naturally.. i was determined to be the one that came out on top.
I would call him.. flirt with him at school.. and started working my way into his mind and onto his radar. The more i got to know him.. the more i was like eh.. i don't really like this kid..
but THEN.. one of my not-so-close friends Sally announced to all of our friends at a sleepover that she was about to make Jake her boyfriend.. she basically had it in the bag....
Guess who ended up kissing Jake 2 days later and having him ask to be his girlfriend...
i TOLD YOU.... DON'T CHALLENGE ME! ..
buuut long story short.. our 8th grade relationship lasted all whole whopping 12 days before i realized that.. no. i really didn't like this kid at all.. i just had to WIN! so.. we broke up.. and i left Sally to happily sloppy seconds..

i was like a dog with a car... they chase them and chase them.. and then once they catch up with them.. then what..?
So many of us play games with OURSELVES because we either.. think we want something because other people bring it to our attention.. and once we get it.. we realize that we never wanted it in the first place..
OR.. like Cami and Josh.. we have something great yet we run around and around in circles until someone ELSE comes with big flashing lights to sweep your not-really-but going to be very soon- girlfriend off her feat. We have to get a serious slap in the face to pull our head out of our hiney!!

STOP the circle of love! STOP chasing cars just to chase them.. evaluate where YOU stand in your relationships.. or hook ups or whatever your doing.. WITHOUT the influence of the world..
in YOUR mind and heart does this seem right..? If the answer is yes.. and you haven't done anything about it.. you are a fool.
Josh.. if you can't live without Cami.. make the dang chick your woman.
Dog.. stop chasing car.. when you catch it.. all you will have accomplished is.. well.. nothing. knock it off.

Until tomorrow! xoxo
-McComplicated