..Timing is everything..

Time is something that i believe nobody really understands.
A tomato if picked too early is green and tastes like crap..
A tomato if picked too late.. is mushy and.. tastes like crap.
But if picked at the right TIME... they're delicious.
A banana.. for those of us that hate tomatoes.. Is green early.. brown too late.. but yummy when eaten at the right time!
Niiiiice and yellow.
Old soda gets flat... Aged wine gets better..
Some people grow OUT of awkward ugly phases.. and some get uglier as time goes on...

Life is crazy. And life is short. When you realize both of these things - you go about things differently..
As i sit here at 2am watching Criminal Minds til my eyes bleed.. i can't avoid the feeling of being rushed.
Its like my life is a treadmill on full blast.. and i'm trying to keep up with it.. but all my legs will do is walk... Like my heart is on speed trying to keep up with my mind.. as my mind tries to keep up with my agenda..
It's a weird feeling being 20 and feeling like i'm running out of time to do everything in my life that i want to. Time is of the essence.. things need to be taken care of immediately.. now as soon as i figure out what to do.. I'll get right on it.

Timing of things is crucial in every area of our lives.
It's hard enough to wrap your head around this topic individually.. now add another person that's supposed to fit into the same time frame.. with the same needs.. same mind set.. and same agenda as far as progression goes..
If you've ever wondered why relationships and dating are so dang complicated.. look at that alone and you'll get it.
Some people are getting OUT of relationships.. while others are ready to form new relationships..
Agendas will always be different - even with gender aside - people in general want different things at different times.
This lovely concept of time will haunt and destroy you if you don't understand it and cater to it and it alone.

In the pre-dating phase of love, you have to be sensitive to the alarms, timers, clocks, and expectations that you've set right from the get go.
Girls aren't crazy. Boys make girls crazy.
If you start out texting a girl once a week.. occasionally sneaking in a 'this reminded me of you'.. or 'look how funny this is..' convo... and then you wait a little longer than a week between texts.. most likely she'll be fine.
It's not the end of the world because the expectation has been set.. and girls aren't crazy.
We know that people have lives - that they get busy and complete consistency is an unrealistic request - so we're flexible. Plus.. we get that you boys have your whole dumb 'hard to get' stuff too. We'll give you a little lee-way before crossing you off..
But if you start out texting a girl every day.. or every HOUR.. and then all of the sudden she doesn't hear from you for 2 days.. the only thing going through her mind is.. SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG. which is understandable.
You set this alarm to go off in her mind ever hour.. she's been snoozing it for 2 days?! Do you have any idea how annoying an alarm that's been 'snoozed' 48 times is? My sister sure does.. i have to set like 6 alarms just to get up in the morning.. she wants to KILL ME!

As far as 'natural progression' goes.. you're screwing with it! You wouldn't want to climb a latter and have steps taken out from under you as you go farther up.. you wouldn't want to text every day and then slowly move to texting once a week... that timing would be whack. where would you be going in your relationship? nowhere! backwards if anything!

My friend Kaelee just started hanging out with this guy Mitch. The first week Mitch pursued Kae like man on a mission. He would text her all the time.. they hung out every night.. went on a date that weekend.. took drives.. it was fantastic. He handled his persistance with such swag she thought,'wow. finally a guy that knows what he's doing.. not comin on too strong.. but not playing dumb mind games.. he's just makin it happen!' woot woot for Mitch. snaps for him.
So the next week.. they text like every other day.. which was understandable cuz they were both in school.. but Kae was still a little peeved. These 'alarms' were going off.. and she was doing her best to handle the 'snoozing' process..
After not hearing from him 2 days in a row.. and him standing her up on a date.. she decided to say something. She asked him if there was a reason that they were talking less..and he had blown her off.. to which he replied.. 'i feel like i'm checking in with you.. you don't need to know what im doing every hour of the day do you..? And about the date.. i'm sorry.. i just forgot.'..
First off.. Mitch. we take our snaps back.. add 20 tool points for the 'check in comment' and 40 more for standing her up.. retard.
Second.. Nobody just sets up a date and 'forgets'..
and Third.. there's a difference between checking in and checking up..
Checking In is an insecure relationship need from people that are possessive, jealous, and controlling. Nobody should have to 'check in' with anyone else for a relationship to function properly.
I don't text people back.. is suck at it tremendously. "What's up.." "nm u?".. "nm" is not a conversation i want to have 9 times a day.. If you have a question.. Ask it. If you want to hang out.. Say that. Pointless conversations don't realllly happen on my phone.. they're usually very one sided.
I don't "Check in"... i don't see the legitimate need of giving someone i'm dating a play by play of..
'Baaabbee.. What are you doing NOW..?!' ....
'Well... 5 minutes ago i told you i was driving home from provo.. i dont own a hovercraft.. i'm still.. driving home from provo....'
.. 'I'm still in the same hour long class that i was 20 minutes ago when i told you class just started....'
This relationship? wont last long. The art of conversation has been LOST with our generation! Hence.. checking in.
'now i'm talking to a the boy at the check out stand at the grocery store.. don't worry hun.. you're WAAAY cuter than he is! and his pecks are TOTALLY smaller..'
Get out of this relationship for the sake of puking people everywhere!

Checking UP.. however.. is 'how's your day been' .. 'what are you up to'.. showing a general concern for the other's well being. It also includes the general mutual respect of informing someone of what you're doing.. for example shooting them a text that's like.. 'Hey i'm going to my lab for the next 4 hours.. i'll text you when i'm out..'
This general mutual respect is laid out and puts a foundation for a secure and comfortable relationship to form. If you inform someone on what you're doing.. without feeling like you're 'checking in'.. they feel like you want them as a part of your life. That way when you ARE busy.. the person understands. When they DON'T hear from you for a couple hours.. or days.. they know 'hey.. they must be in class..or studying for finals and THAT'S why i haven't heard from them' instead of... 'OMG.. I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM IN 10 MINUTES.. HE'S TOTALLY CHEATING.. HE'S NOT EVEN INTO ME.. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! I'M TOTALLY OVER THE WHOLE SITUATION!! WHAT A JERK!'..
Communication is key.. all drama and craziness can be easily avoided.

Guys.. you set these alarms right off the bat. It's your fault these poor girls go crazy!
How frequent you set the alarms to go off tells us how interested and invested you are in being with us...
If you're busy.. but you start off a relationship with the.. 'hey im super busy but i want to talk to you every second i can!' vibe.. that's SEXY. We respect that.. and we get stolked when you text us.. even if its every couple days!
If you start the SAME relationship off with.. a text a week.. and the 'eh.. i'll get around to talking to you when i have the time' vibe... our mind wanders.. and we don't even take you seriously. There are boys that WANT to talk to us every. single. day... we're gonna pay more attention to the pursuers.

You set an alarm and then make us snooze it? Snooze you lose boys.

There are myths that we as the female species feed into.. that we shouldn't.
Such as:
Myth: All men are conniving deceiving pieces of crap.
Reality: Men just think that they do nothing wrong.

Back to Kaelee and Mitch.. Turns out at the same time the texting amount decreased.. Mitch had started hanging out with Kae's NEIGHBOR Shelly. The night that Mitch stood Kaelee up for their date she saw Shelly walking home so they stopped and chatted for a while. Turns out.. she had been at Mitch's house!
For those of you that are a liiiiitle slow.. instead of going ON A DATE with Kaelee.. that HE had set up!.. he was 'hanging out' with Shelly!! And apparently they had been hanging out.. and making out.. at the same time he was trying to FORM A RELATIONSHIP with Kaelee.

Now.. all you girls are going to absolutely HATE me for a minute..
But. I know Mitch personally.. i KNOW what kind of a guy he is.. and i know he's quality.
Remember our swear word from 'Mirror Mirror'..? IGNORANCE. i swear it kills people EVERY TIME! This is where ignorance comes in. Mitch really TRULY thought he was doing nothing wrong by hanging out with Shelly. He hadn't taken her on any dates.. sure he was interested but he wasn't committed to Kaelee in any way.. He had no IDEA he was hurting her. His ignorance got the best of him. dummy.

Kaelee is the kind of girl that if there's communication.. she's cool with JUST about anything. If Mitch would've been up front with hanging out with shelly.. and not lied that he 'totally spaced' their date.. Kaelee would've taken their budding romance with a grain of salt. If he would've handled it differently it wouldn't have been so dramatic! But because he was so eager to share his feelings about liking Kae so much..and initially spending ALL his time with her.. only to back off in 3.2 seconds.. he just drove her MAD! He made her feel stupid.. which made him SERIOUSLY in the wrong. dummy.

He was insensitive to the timing of things.. if he would've taken his time with both situations.. he would've at least had a chance to come out with ONE of the two chicks.. but now.. because his timing sucked.. he's chick-less.

Now we've all been in relationships that 'the timing was off'..
What made it so 'off'?
Trying to get the 'timing' of situations right is like trying to play darts blindfolded.. everyone is going through a different phase in their life at different times.. and these phases form their agenda and identity for the time being.
Is 'timing' a big invisible body-guard lookin dude that comes in and screws with relationships? Does he drive the wedge between people.. making one of them want to date other people.. and the other only want to be with that one person? I blame him. We all do. Big T is screwing our love lives over!

Big T will ALWAYS interfere. The timing will NEVER be right if we sit back and wait for it to be! I've said before that everything happens for a reason... but YOU are the reason when you choose to act!! Timing can ALWAYS be wrong if you let it be! YOU are setting your own alarm clocks.. and the alarm clocks of those you're dating..
Time is of the essence.. Don't blow it.
Don't be afraid to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! Don't be afraid of going too fast! And don't freak out when someone is taking their time! Sync up your clocks.. and then wake up to your FIRST alarm.
Grab a ten and hold on to them.. cuz life is short.. everyone's on a schedule.. everyone's clock is ticking their life away..
Stand up to Big T.. or he'll screw you over..
Cuz when you set alarms and then force someone to snooze them..
You snooze... you lose.

until later..
xoxo
- Callymon