.. Mannequin .. Man-Again ..

Hi. I'm McCall.
I'm from Utah.
I go to BYU. I'm majoring in Journalism
i went to skyline high school.
I would tell you where i live but thats CREEPY.
I don't have a 5 year plan.. but i have a general idea.
i sing.
i blog.

ok cool. phew.. now that this is all covered.. we've broken the ice.. now we can stop pretending like we're interested in these things.. stop making up names of people we know in each other's home towns.. high schools.. and programs at school.. and get to know each other.
What do you like to do for fun?
I like movies.. going outside.. reading.. and just hangin out with friends..
You're gonna get the same answer from a 6 year old.

I'm lookin for a guy thats..
-attractive
-funny
-sweet
-intelligent
...oooh right. as opposed to the girls that are looking for the ugly.. douchey.. stupid ones.. gotcha.

On paper.. everyone is the same. Jobs vary.. activities vary.. but on PAPER you can click with anyone.
If you do your homework.. aka. some light facebook stalking.. which EVERYONE does.. you know the answers to the dumb standard first date questions anyway.
And if THAT'S as deep as your conversation gets.. you have a serious problem.... you're dating a cardboard box.

Allow me to take you through the phases of relationships.. and how to handle them appropriately so that you don't die alone.

Phase 1. The Meeting.
Whether you meet on facebook.. at a party.. through a friend.. on a blind date.. whatever. When you meet someone.. and you get past the dumb questions that don't matter (cuz even though i'll tell you not to ask them.. i know you will). Make eye contact. FLIRT. find out if you could stand being alone with this person for 5 seconds. find out if they have a brain.. and if they're married.. cuz that could get awkward.
Take the time to pay attention to them! This isn't the time to play hard to get. If you come across as a diva or a douche bag.. chances of going to phase 2..are slim.

Phase 2. The Get-to-know.. Platonic Friendship Phase.
Whoever said that friendship comes first.. was right! I'm not saying you have to grow up next door to them or form some year long friendship before you can move in for the kill.. cuz i'm not retarded that that's not the way love has to work... Hey.. it can even be a couple DAY friendship! But knowing things about each other and getting comfortable with each other is crucial. you do this FIRST before you try to date someone and chances of it working out.. better significantly.
If a girl thinks that you're interested in knowing her before you try and WED her.. or BED her.. she's gonna like you a heck of a lot more.
If a guy gets to know you and actually has platonic feelings for you first.. he's gonna worry about breakin your heart a LOT more.
so.. although hanging out is shunned in SEVERAL cases.. especially on this blog.. hang out a couple times! get to know each other in a comfortable environment. you're not in any form of a committed relationship yet.. not even CLOSE.
You can take this phase as fast or as slow as you want.. ok no. You can take this as fast as you want. you are not allowed to just hang out with a bunch of chicks til you die. that's lame. that's retarded. and that's not gonna work.
You are allowed to hang out with a girl 4 times before starting to actually pursue them..or ask them on a date.. after that, We're puttin you in the friend-zone. A terribly hard zone to break out of. DON'T GET INTO IT.

Phase 3. The First Date.
On the first date.. Don't be afraid to be yourself!! So many girls go on first dates and are trying SO hard to be "right" for the dude.. or to seem coy and mysterious.. or are so focused on making the guy think that 'they do this alot'.. that their actual personality is left at the door!
Guys.. I swear if you honk.. text.. or call them to have them come out to your car.. any respectable girl.. WILL NOT GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.. heck. i wouldn't even go OUTSIDE!
I don't care if you're in love with the chick or not... YOU GO TO HER DOOR!
Girls.. you knew he was coming at 7.. it doesn't make him want you more if you make him wait until 745 cuz you didn't like your outfit..
if it takes you 6 hours to get ready.. start earlier! it's not like he just randomly decided to come pick you up.
Guys.. chivalry isn't dead. get her door. THE WHOLE NIGHT. and when you do.. don't say 'my mom would totally kill me if i didn't do this..'
Girls.. LET them get your door! don't pull this feminist 'i can friggin open my own door k? im a capable human being' crap. be the CHICK of the relationship.. and let him be the dude! you don't have to be both!
I'm not gonna set ground rules on kissing on the first date.. cuz hey.. if there's chemistry and there's an 'insert kiss here' moment.. go for it! Some people think it's too soon.. don't have this rule set in your head. Time has absolutely nothing to do with it.
So girls..if he tries to kiss you cuz you're sending SERIOUS vibes.. don't think he's scum. IT'S YOUR OWN DANG FAULT. if you don't want it to happen.. QUIT SENDIN THE VIBES RETARD!
Guys.. if she lets you kiss her on your first date.. don't go home and think she's not 'wife' material or that she's 'easy'.. the moment was there! you guys took advantage of it! good for you!

Phase 4: The Chase..
After the first date.. people tend to FREAK OUT! girls sit there for HOURS a day ..having all their room mates call their phone to make sure its not broken.. and then yelling at them if they let it ring more than once cuz. HE MIGHT BE CALLING!!!
The post-first-date-texting is important. If you're interested in someone.. don't pull the 'i like to take things slow' approach. if you like them COMMUNICATE with them! you don't have to rush to the alter!
My favorite thing? 'sorry i would but..i'm realllly busy' right. too busy to breathe? too busy to facebook on your iphone for like 6 hours a day..? Nobody is too busy to be in a functional relationship. it literally takes 5 seconds to text someone back. if you don't.. there are definitely other reasons besides 'i'm too busy'.
Lots of people think they're too busy to be dating at ALL. you are wrong my friends. a secure person can handle not seeing their bf or gf every 5 seconds.. and a legit person understands difficult schedules.. its the effort put forth regardless of your crazy hair on fire schedule. You have all the time that you allow yourself to make.

Some people think that this chase is.. wait at LEAST 3 days to text them back.. and yada yada yada.. if you honestly have a formula for this? add 20 tool points. cuz you're a tool. don't be afraid to go with things! no matter WHAT there's gonna be a chase of some sort anyway.
If you go out with a girl.. and she doesn't hear from you.. she's gonna think you weren't into it.. or that she did something wrong.. and she'll most likely over analyze your every move from the date you went on and look for signs that it went down hill..
DON'T PUUT HER THROUGH THIS. its not gonna end up on youtube for you to enjoy.. you wont benefit from it in anyway. be a good guy.
Girls.. don't do this. relax. They're more ignorant that we think.

and hey.. if you're not interested.. then drop it all together. and go back to phase 1.
Chica.. if the dude tries to go out again just tell him 'hey i think you're great but i think we're better as friends and i don't wanna waste your time and money'
Home boy.. if the chick is slitting her wrists cuz you haven't called her.. shoot her a text and tell her you got back with your ex girlfriend but you think she's a great girl and you have a hot roommate you really wanna set her up with.. that doesn't exist. she'll get the hint. after a pint of ben and jerry's.

Phase 5: The Pivotal 4th date.
I'm gonna give you 4 dates to decide if you are genuinely interested in someone. Until this 4th date happens.. date around as much as you want without caring if this person finds out. Take the space you need to 'find yourself' or whatever the crap you dudes do. Until this 4th date.. you can coast. No expectations from the girl.. no need to progress.. heck you don't even have to kiss her before this.
But by the Pivotal 4th date.. you should know if you COULD date this person. By now.. unless one of you is completely demented.. you've gotten past the awkward.. not really be yourself.. talk about nothing.. laugh at the jokes that aren't funny.. phase of your non- relationship. By this 4th date.. if you DONT want to kiss them.. and DONT find yourself WANTING to talk to them and text them.. then move on. or put them strictly in the friend-zone. Cuz after this 4th Pivotal date.. you're leading them on.
I'm not saying this 4th date requires you to move into something completely committed... but after this 4th date you should be comfortable moving TOWARDS that. you should be able to SEE yourself in a relationship with this person. If you decide this person falls into that category.. then you take things naturally and don't be afraid of progression. Don't force things.. and do NOT go buy a ring!! But be ok with moving towards exclusivity.
This phase is where.. if you haven't kissed her.. you stop treating her like your sister and GO IN FOR THE KILL. There's a point where its respectful.. and a point where its tortuous douche-baggery. knock it off. grow some guts and make it happen.
** side note.. homies.. you think about this.. a date a week? this is a MONTH. to decide if you can stand someone.. im being generous.

Phase 6: The DTR. (Define the Relationship)
Everyone is TERRIFIED of the dreaded DTR. Clearly you're doing it wrong.. cuz all a DTR should be is communicating with someone that you're already dating.. that you want everyone ELSE to know that you guys are dating.
It's getting on the same page.. and honestly if that's THAT scary for you.. you have serious communication issues that you can most likely blame on FB.. texting.. and never having to actually TALK to a person.. but all this crap aside.. you've been spending time with this person you're talking to.. get over it.
People bring it up like they think they're clever.. 'so.. someone else asked me on a date.. should i go?'. oook chicka.. first off. he's probably either gonna think you're kidding.. or tell you yes cuz 'if you don't care about him enough to WANT to say no.. then you're not where he thought'. My favorite... 'Brooke asked me what the deal with us was.. and i told her i would have to talk to you.. so..' hahaha no WONDER these conversations are awkward!
Guys.. here's what you do. you say.."will you be my girlfriend".
then there's no guessing.. no reading-between lines.. no walking away from the conversation more confused about your status than ever. Trust me. when it gets to that point.. you both are dating each other anyway. clear up the confusion.. and again.. grow some guts and make it happen.. it's YOUR job.

The problem with people being afraid of the DTR is.. that girls are insecure.. and guys are egotistical.
The girl will be afraid to say no to other guys asking her out cuz if SHE says no cuz she thinks you guys are more than YOU think you are.. then she looks like an idiot for letting go of an option to the rest of the world when you haven't tied her down and branded her.
and the guy will be so afraid that the chick will hear wedding bells if he makes her his GF that he holds off as long as possible..
both things? retarded. just communicate. if you're on the same page there wont BE any confusion.. and the DTR will happen naturally.

Phase 7: Dating/ Honeymoon Phase.
When you start out dating someone.. of COURSE its pure bliss... if it's not.. this is a HUGE red flag. cuz anyone can get along while they're still twitterpated and a relationship is new..
Love the crap out of each other so that when your fire cools.. it still exists. Go on dates!! Most of the time we treat those whom we love the worst because we're comfortable with them... don't do this!!! They should be top priority. Before, during and after the honeymoon phase of your relationship!
Never fall out of the habit of telling each other that you love each other.. of course this is when the L bomb is dropped... which takes time. We'll blog about THAT awkward moment another time..
Actually WORK at your relationship!
People tend to get jealous.. insecure.. and possessive in relationships.. there is absolutely NO NEED FOR THIS!! if guys weren't so deceiving and girls weren't so insecure.. relationships would be a BREEZE!! Guys.. don't give your chick a reason not to trust you. Girls.. don't look for the worst in your bf.. and both of you.... friggin let go of the 'texting other girls.. texting other guys' thing!! It's like you're saying 'how DARE you have a life before you met me!.. how DARE you be the social person i fell in love with!'.. wtf people really? If they WANTED to be with someone else... they would be with them.. not you. so get over it!
On the other end... If you cheat. you're scum. end of story. if you deceive.. you're fungus and you dont deserve to be in any form of ANY functional relationship.. watch your back you useless human being cuz.. imma blog about chu.

Phase 8.1: Marriage.
I'm not gonna tell you when. how. why to get married.
the only thing i'm gonna say is when it's right.. DO IT!

Phase 8.2: The break up.
If you don't get married.. this is the only other alternative at the end of the day.
Break ups are hard. but they're a necessary component to your happiness sometimes. Hey - we can't marry EVERYONE we date.. and every heart break just gets us that much closer to the person we will end up with!
People make break ups soooo much harder than they need to be!
You will NOT be friends at first. you need to be fine with this. not talking a whole lot til you're over each other is probably the best way to handle it just so you don't do anything rash if you really believe that things aren't right.
Be happy for their happiness.. they were a big part of your life! They deserve it.
Don't spread rumors or gossip about each other.. common we can be adults now cant we?
Address the good times that you shared.. you don't have to forget them. take them with a grain of salt as a part of your life that was great that was a transition to an even better part.
There's no need to be sad. I mean obviously you're gonna be sad losing a best friend.. but It's ok! Everything will be fine! and everything will work itself out! You'll be able to look back and make sense of this whole sucky dating thing you once had to go through.

You don't have to be a mannequin that fits a formula or a 'type' to make someone happy. Be the best YOU you can be and you'll find the person that's best for YOU. Don't alter yourself to make someone else happy.. even if you make through all the phases.. you'll never feel accomplished.. you'll never be satisfied with your life.. and you'll never be happy.
the surface shouldn't be the only thing you're willing to show and the only place you're willing to go.. dive into people. they might surprise you.

hey yall.. each relationship will have its own twist and turn and way of handling each step.. but don't be stupid. Don't complicate the obvious.. and life and love wont be as hard as you're making it!
Sorry for the lengthy post..
until later.. xoxox
-Callymon