.. Mirror Mirror ..

If i were to write 2 books.. one on the complexity of Men in relationships.. and the other on the complexity of Women in relationships.. The one on men would be a pamphlet.. the one on women would be 7 volumes.. each about the size of an encyclopedia.
Both genders make the other out to be some grand mystery that will never be understood. We over analyze every movement.. when most of the time.. neither one of us has any idea what the heck we're doing anyway.

There are stereotypes for both genders that we feed into.. and myths that we take as gospel.
Women are stereotyped to be weak and fragile.... emotionally unstable.. and pmsing most of our lives. Men treat us like we have 'needy' or 'desperate' written across our foreheads.. and call us 'tom boys' or 'hard headed' when we don't embrace our inner damsel in distress.

Men.. are stereotyped as insensitive jerks that could care less about a woman's feelings unless he has an agenda with them involved.. which in that case he manipulates them into feeling certain ways for his benefit because.. low and behold we're NOT that hard to figure out and he knows EXACTLY what to say to get us to do certain things. We assume that they all use. abuse. hurt. deceive. lie. and are out to make our lives confusing and miserable.

Turns out we're both wrong.
Not all women are crazy emotional roller coasters..
and not all men are agenda driven tool boxes that care only about themselves.

The swearword of the day is 'ignorance'.. and both genders are full of it.
Girls... we give guys WAAAAY too much credit. They're waaaaayyy dumber than we think. Most of the time they have no idea we're even worried or thinking about what they've said or who they've looked at or how they acted. We're handing over complete control of our happiness to a species that has no CLUE what they're doing! They don't know what to say or do to make us happy.. unless we tell them.. and then when they figure it out we claim that they're 'trying to manipulate us'. They're NOT that complicated!

Guys.. you have to realize that.. we give you guys WAAAY too much credit. We invest all of our time and energy to make you notice us and to make you happy.. and then when you dont.. we get frustrated. and sad.
There's only so much a girl can do! We can put out the vibes.. try and make you love us.. but at the end of the day... YOU have to make it happen.. so WE are left at home.. staring at our phones.. praying for the telepathic skills necessary to get inside your head to make our phones buzz! You know if we call you you'll think we're clingy.. and there's no chance in CRAP that we're gonna ask YOU out.. we are powerless. and our happiness lies in your buffoonic hands for you to screw with and screw up.

Women..
We don't say what we mean.... expect men to know all of our favorite things.. we think they're SUPPOSED to decode us like we try and decode them. We try and set up all these lines for them to read between. We try and feel for the vibes they're sending out. We perfect the art of being coy and mysterious when in reality.. if you hit a guy with anything short of a semi-truck.. they're completely oblivious.

At the same time we're laying out this maze and puzzle of clues for them to follow.. we're reading into everything that they do.. decoding their nonexistent complexities.. and driving ourselves completely MAD trying to figure out 'where we stand' and what they're thinking!

The sad and awful truth? Guys. aren't. complicated.
If they want to make something happen... they make it happen. If they wanted to kiss you... they would kiss you. If they wanted to date you... they would pursue you. If they wanted to talk to you.. they would text YOU first.
The only time they send mixed signals is when they don't know what they want.. and they only send them until they figure out WHAT they want.. and then they make their motives clear!

The 2 sides of this that suck... are dealing with the Tool box... and the Nice guy..
With the tool box.. he'll text you.. talk to you.. and play what we call 'mind games' and he calls 'strategy' when he wants something.. a physical booty call.. emotional booty call.. an appropriate date for his brother's wedding.. whatever. And then once he's achieved his objective.. he moves on. BUT HE STILL MAKES WHAT HE WANTS TO HAPPEN.. HAPPEN! Tool or not.. he does what he's set out to do.

The nice guy.. is the worst.
These poor boys don't know they're leading us on because even when they lose interest they continue talking to girls and hanging out with them when.. they've lost interest..and changed sports all together!
Because we're females.. and we like to complicate things.. we read into their kindness as interest.. interpret their friendship as pursuit.. and most the time come out with our hearts broken.

In the movie 'he's just not that into you'.. they talk about 'rules' and 'exceptions'..
You have to assume that your relationship lies with the majority of the nonfunctional folk.. that your love life follows these 'rules'..
- that if he doesn't call you.. he doesn't want to talk to you.
- that if he doesn't say 'i love you'.. then he doesn't love you..
- if he doesn't kiss you.. then he didn't want to kiss you
- if he doesn't ask you out.. then he just wants to be your friend
- that if he THINKS he's not interested.. then.. HE'S NOT INTERESTED..
this isn't rocket science.
Very few times you come across a relationship that fits 'the exception'..
- that if he doesn't call you.. he lost his phone.. or he was waiting by his phone for YOU cuz he thought YOU weren't interested.. or he got abducted by aliens..
- that if he doesn't say 'i love you'.. its because he's scared.. he wants YOU to say it first.. or he thinks it'll drive you away.
- that if he doesn't kiss you.. its cuz his 'life is complicated' and the complexity overrides the drive to move in for the kill.. that he just ate pizza and doesn't want you to hate him... or he is concerned that he's bad at it.. ( lets be honest.. no guy thinks he's bad at kissing.. some SHOULD think they're bad.. but none of them do.. )
- that if he doesn't ask you out... he's too worried about damaging your friendship..? this is the only exception i can think of.
- that if he thinks he's not interested.. he's just not interested YET! .. or he really is but doesn't know it yet!!

As hopeful people.. we all want to be the exception. We all want to believe that if he's not calling.. its cuz he lost our numbers.. and that if he doesn't love us.. its just cuz he doesn't KNOW he does yet.. but the reality of the situation, however heartbreaking it may be... is that we need to gather up our sorry lives.. and move on from these boys not worthy of the worry.. tears.. and brain power we put into them.
We need to realize that if they're not making it happen... then they don't want it to happen!


Now guys.. you have to again realize the ridiculous amount of credit and power we give you.. now that your secrets of simplicity are revealed.. YOU have to realize that if you want something to happen.. ITS YOUR JOB TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!! That if you want to kiss the girl.. then kiss the dang girl! If you want to go out with someone.. ASK THEM OUT! we wait around on things we take as subtle hints that.. duh.. you obviously must love us cuz you text us and want to see us.. you need to make your motives clear.
If you're not interested... DON'T BE INTERESTED.
If you ARE.. then COME AFTER US!!
none of this in-between crap.
We read your 'nice guy syndrome' as.. you love us.. you just don't realize it yet..
we take your continuous texting as interest that's not being acted upon..
We're following your lead here.. lead us in the right direction before BOTH of us go crazy!!


My friend Bridget started hanging out with this guy Kyle..
At first Kyle pursued her like crazy! He was 'makin it happen'.. and she was eating it up.
After hanging out a couple times.. kyle realized that he wasn't interested in bridget.. but thought.. hey i'm gonna give this a chance.. there's no harm in taking her out a couple more times.. so he did! he took her on a couple dates.. and hung out with her a couple times..
each time he did.. he realized more and more that this wasn't gonna work out.. but he didn't really think to knock it off cuz what harm was he doing..?
Bridget... having eyes and a brain.. realized that at first he was pursuing her pretty hard.. when it calmed down a little bit.. she thought nothing of it because he had shown no signs of wanting to move backwards.. and if your not moving backwards.. logically you would THINK that you were moving forward with someone..
So as he was fading more and more.. she thought they were continuing to progress..
Then. he was dumb.. and he kissed her. Cuz he's a guy.. he was being a tool.. and he wanted to.
but in his mind.. they had all but stopped talking and hanging out.. and it was purely physical.. like a friends with benefits.. sort of.. or one step up from a completely random booty call..
see the problem with 'FWB' (friends with benefits) is that this ONLY works when its mutually understood to be strictly friends with benefits.. you HAVE to be on the same page.. or people get hurt!
For Bridget.. this kiss was the next step in their forming romance. She took it as a sign of their progression.. and with this kiss.. dissolved any feelings that he had been being sketchy because uh.. he had just kissed her.. CLEARLY he was interested in moving forward..
Both of them couldn't see any other scenario in the situation in front of them.. both of their motives and plans were so CLEARLY displayed in front of the other that how could their be any confusion..?

This is the dumbest thing ever.. because all could've been avoided with basic communication!! We spend our childhood developing our communication skills.. and spend our adulthood DESTROYING them.. because WE NEVER USE THEM!!
Our generation is SOOO afraid of ANY sort of 'dtr' (define the relationship) that nobody will get on the same page!!! EVERYONE thinks they're the exception because they don't know any better!! NOBODY is able to get out of a dark tunnel.. cuz they're fooled into thinking there's still a light at the end of it.

Don't be afraid to get on the same page as someone! Let's reveal the simplicity of love!! It's NOT that complicated.. if we actually say what we mean.. TELL someone the way we really feel.. and don't try to friggin read between the lines so much!! the truth is in the literature! NOT the interpretation! If we were clear with how we felt and what we meant.. it would eliminate ALL guessing games leaving clean lines of functional love.. instead of the complicated mess we all spiral ourselves into!


The swearword of the day is 'ignorance'.. and both genders are FULL of it!
Not all women are nutzo.. and not all guys are lying cheating pieces of crap..

They both just feed into the fantasy that they've created.
If the girl believes the guy is into her.. she's gonna treat it like they're in a relationship..
If the guy thinks he's made his position clear.. he's not gonna be cautious..


Girls...sometimes he's just not that into you... and sometimes.. he's just a guy..
Always assume that you're the rule.. then when you're ever the exception its a pleasant surprise..

Simplicity is the best policy.. quit complicating the obvious.

Guys.. take the initiative to clear up confusion..
Girls.. don't be afraid to take things at face value.. everything isn't always 'not what it seems'.. somethings are EXACTLY what they seem..

Mirror mirror on the wall.. shows a reflection.. not a distortion. take a closer look and you'll see exactly what you're supposed to.


until later xoxox
-Callymon