..The non-stagnant relationship movement..

Some may call this the summer of love..
Some would argue that this is the summer of heartbreak..
In some cases it would even be the summer of facing reality.. moving forward.. accepting the inevitable.. moving out of their comfort zone..
My label?
This is the summer where the 'Non-stagnant Relationship Movement of 2011' is in full effect.

Look around.. heck.. just look on facebook and you can see that the entire single world is in an uproar. 1 of 3 things is happening to each person in the non-married community...
They're getting engaged.
They're breaking up.
Or they're in a 'buckle down- build up- from the ashes' new relationship.
Clearly there are rules and regulations in this Act/movement for each of these stages.. and obviously i'm about to educate you on what they are. Let me help you out here.

This Movement is designed to throw you off center.. to take your relationship to the next level.. to relieve you of your stagnant status in love... and to overall better your happiness in your love life.

Many relationships hit the 'stagnant' point at a place of comfortability. You've been together so long that you're not in the 'giddy honeymoon' phase of the relationship any longer.. you tolerate each other but there isn't anything beneficial happening on either side of the relationship.
If your relationship were a house being built.. you have delayed further construction because you don't know if you really want to move into this house anymore.. and putting anymore effort into it than you already have would be a waste of money.. but demolishing the foundation you've laid and part of the house that you HAVE built and starting from scratch seems like it would be a waste of what you've already accomplished. You are stagnant. You aren't moving forward.. you are coasting on the fundamentals of the relationship that you've built thus far.

Some people become stagnant because they simply don't know where else to go. They realize that it's go time.. and it freaks them out.. so they put the brakes on and park for a minute.. possibly damaging the course they so smoothly were on. They intentionally stop themselves from progression because progression is out of their comfort zone.. the 'future' is a place they've never been so they avoid it like the plague.. developing 'lost boy' syndrome of never wanting to grow up.. wanting to remain in a comfortable stagnant state in their lives and therefore their relationships.

This stagnancy puts people on a spinning top.. like the one in inception.. but to wake up.. or even realize that you're dreaming.. we've gotta THROW you off center and show you the reality of the state you're in.. as well as where to go from here.

If you're getting engaged...
I didn't say.. if you ARE engaged. Because if you are.. good for you. Don't let me give you colder feet when it comes to the idea of marriage. My objective is quite the contrary.. i'm tryin to warm up the feet of the people that clearly should be joining you!
If you're at the point in your relationship where its give or let go.. and you absolutely KNOW that it's right.. that forever with this person is inevitable.. but you're coasting on comfortability.. afraid of progression for the sake of progression.. then you're lazy.
This form of stagnant relationship is pointless.. if things are getting better.. and you're just waiting for the right 'time' to get engaged.. the time is NOW.
Join the club. plan a wedding. set the facebook status. buy a ring. get on your knee. and adhere to the philosopher Justin Beiber's principle of making 'one less lonely girl'. do it.
Time isn't something that's gonna come to you and say... HEY BUDDY I'M HERE.. NOW'S THE TIME.. you set your own boundaries and your own expectations. You are your own clock.
None of this.. everything happens for a reason stuff.. YOU are the reason. YOU make things happen by your decision to act! If you know it's right.. don't slow a rolling ball! Pull your head out of your hiney and make some magic happen!

On the other hand.. timing.. relevance.. and expectations.. are individualized on every account. Yes YOU are the reason.. so let YOU be the reason.. and not the growing number of engagements posted on facebook.
I'm not saying rush to the alter with someone you enjoy dating.. but if this Rascal Flatts song applies to you.. 'ain't like it aint gonna happen.. forever's a give in.. it's already written.. who we kiddin baby common.. why wait another minute for something we should've done yesterday..'
then you're an idiot for putting it off. Be excited and willing to start the next chapter of your life. don't be stagnant.. by putting it off you could damage your relationship by placing false doubts in your mind that come from holding off on a decision you know is right.
One of my professors had a friend that lived in Washington that thought that he really needed to sell his house. He had an opportunity in California and he felt like he needed to take it and sell his comfortable home in Washington. The decision was a no-brainer and a right one at the time he needed to make it. Instead of selling his house he decided to wait a year.. and do another year of school.. what would a year difference make right?
That was the year that the whole real estate market crashed in Washington... its been 5 years. His house in Washington has yet to be sold and the opportunity in California is long gone.
The decision was something he knew to be right.. yet he waited for the sake of waiting.. and the opportunity to make the decision passed him by. Don't let your house be forever up for sale because when the opportunity arises you're not willing or too scared to sell it.
Yes i just referred to you selling yourself. no i dont promote hookerism. don't do it. it was purely metaphorical. get over it.


If you're breaking up.. or should be..
if you're at a point in your relationship where the only thing keeping you together.. is the fact that you've been together... That the length of your relationship is the foundation of your so called 'happy'.. 'functional' relationship.. then you're a fool.
There are differences between someone that's fun to date.. and someone you could see yourself with forever. a year? 2 years? that's a cake walk. good for you for being able to be around someone a shorter amount of time than you went to high school for. we're talking about forever.
This reaches the OTHER end of the spectrum than our.. should be engaged.. folks are at.
If you're in a stagnant relationship that you know isn't right.. or isn't going anywhere.. but are remaining stagnant in the fear of loneliness and loss of something that's been comfortable and even just 'there' in your life.. you are a fool.
Let's bring back our house that we're building. If you know that this house isn't going to be finished.. that this isn't somewhere that you want to live.. your property is the place where you're going to build your forever with someone worthy of it.. TRUST me your property is too valuable to give up.. and your property is too valuable to let a half-built - always vacant house remain on for the sake of having something tangible to show on the property.. The sooner this house is knocked down.. the sooner you can build something of use.. something that you're going to live in.. and something that will do the property justice.
I'm not saying you can't take your favorite parts from this house and look for them in further architecture plans.. you're allowed to build any kind of house that you want to!
The relationship that you're in.. that you've been in.. hasn't been a waste of time. It's furthered your understanding of yourself and the opposite sex. It will help you in relationships to come.. But if the only reason you remain in it.. is to remain in it.. then get out of it.
Throw yourself and your relationship off center.. the building process may be hard at first.. but you have to remember that you're keeping the person you're in the relationship WITH out of their dream house as well.

If you too are waiting for the right 'time' to do this.. you're like the 'one more' dieter.. once more week wont kill you to stay in the relationship.. one more cookie wont kill your diet.. you'll start RIGHT after that.. until you keep having 'one more'.. and you get fat. The diet never starts with 'one more'. The place your at wont benefit with 'one more' in your relationship either.. it'll only make your relationship.. and love life..fat. quit putting off the inevitable.

The next thing is.. break ups suck. Duh. They're hard.. and they're sure as heck hard to get used to. You're doing something that's uncomfortable. The longer you were in the relationship.. the more uncomfortable being OUT of it is. YOU. CAN. NOT. CLOSE. YOURSELF. OFF!!
If you get out of a relationship you know wasn't right.... and then wait around for it to be right.. you're not accomplishing anything. Let yourself move on. You're not doing anything wrong by loving again. You have to allow yourself the time to heal.. the time to get past the point where emotion is involved.. you have to get past the point where loneliness overrides your every emotion and all you want to do is be with that person. You haven't been without them in a long time - it's gonna take some getting used to. Don't necessarily take wanting to be with them as 'a sign' that you should be. There were obviously reasons you broke up.. consider them before running back into their lives and creating a stagnant relationship again. Consider that your forever is on the line and it's important. More important than a couple nights of crying.. weeks of almost calling someone.. and months of the sting when you hear their name. You'll get over it and be better because of it.

The 2nd and 3rd stages go hand in hand.
Once out of a break up.. people are experiencing this 'buckle down- build up- from the ashes' new relationship... They get out of ONE relationship and expect this new relationship that comes into their lives to pick up where the last one left off..
They're so 'comfortable hungry' that they don't give the new relationship enough breathing room to grow into its own relationship. They bring up old relationship to make sure they get across what they want and what they're looking for.. that apparently weren't obvious in the last relationship.. put everything on the table.. and then decide if this new relationship can 'buckle down'.. begin to build up.. and take them from the ashes they were left in from their recent heart breaks.
This is the process of 'rebound relationships'.
People that don't want to be alone.. so instead of looking for something different than their last bf or gf.. they simply replace them to fill the void.. take what they liked about the last person they dated.. and like the similarities in the new relationship.. disregarding any new aspects this new person brings because they're so distracted with their selfish desire to not be lonely anymore..

Once out of a relationship.. you have to consider your own healing process.
I'm someone that doesn't believe in rebounding. I believe in healing and moving on to bigger and better things.. I wont kiss someone else when i break up with someone JUST to 'get on the path to recovery'. i feel its unnecessary.
People only feel the need to rebound when they're uncomfortable with the state that they're in. when they're insecure with their relationship status.. and when they care about what the rest of the world thinks about how they handle things.
I don't feel a need to prove to the world that i'm over someone.. i feel like rebounding is a way of saying that you're NOT.
Rebound hook ups and rebound relationships usually fill their purpose and fizzle out. .

This doesn't mean that i don't believe in moving on quickly.
I believe that security in a break up CAN lead to immediate new relationships. If you really knew that something wasn't right and you're at peace with the decision that's been made.. you have a clean slate.. feel free to jump into something when it comes along.. even if it's quick!
You know your own heart. Don't let someone be a band-aid.. everyone deserves to have all of you. When you're whole and willing to give yourself again.. by all means.. DO IT!

There are 'once in a life time' people.. and there are 'once in a while' people..
When you're in a 'once in a while' relationship.. with a 'once in a while' person.. there are definitely good things about it.. the comfortability with this person proves that you're both tolerable.. and you're both human. But by holding onto something that you're not invested in 100% you're missing out on 'once in a life time' opportunities of love.
When you meet 'once in a life time' people.. and have the opportunity to love them.. absolutely do NOT let them pass you by.. Nobody is going to wait around forever. Decide where you stand. If you're stuck in your position of your relationship... get off your spinning top of stagnancy and realize is this right.. or am i dreaming?
Be part of the 'non-stagnant relationship movement'.. be part of the revolution against a stagnant single society.

Until later..
xoxo
-Callymon.