..Swoop Dog..

We the people of the universe, in order to form a less dramatic society, vow to be less conceived in backstabbing, dedicated to the liberty of bad relationships, the conservation of good ones, one species, under blogs, indivisible.. unless a better option comes along. amen.

We can all agree that If there was a handbook that they handed out at that awkward 5th grade maturation program nobody wanted to go to on relationships and codes of conduct in love and war.. life would be a piece of pie.. piece of chocolate cake... with a bow on it.

If we were just given a book that said.. THIS is acceptable.. THIS isn't acceptable.. here's the rule on this.. don't you DARE do that.. with a personality quiz in the back to determine if you're a tool or a crazy ex or too needy in a relationship.. we could have actual LAWS among ourselves that would dictate if you were being a 'bad friend' or pullin 'the swoop' and have necessary consequences.

Well we don't have one of these books unfortunately.. we have this blog.
Allow me to educate you.

So.. in highschool everybody knows about girl code.. guy code.. right?
- You don't date friend's ex's.. you just DON'T.
- if a massive zombie apocalypse just HAPPENS to come up and result in a massive battle of the sexes.. you play for your own team.. chicks before pricks.. bros before hoes..
- if you are texting your homie's boyfriend.. or girlfriend.. and you fail to tell them about it.. even if it's about math homework.. you're automatically tried in the court of friendship as a cheater.. swooper.. or someone who's about to get their butt kicked.
- If you kiss someone and nobody finds out.. you're a hermit.
- if you kiss someone and everyone finds out.. you're a slut.
- guys are friends with their team mates during the season of their sport.. when it's over.. their girlfriends are fair game... unless they're bigger than you.. and then you continue to worship them.
- girls pretend to like every girl on facebook because they're TOTALLY fooling everyone into thinking they're a nice person by setting up 'lunch dates' 3 times a day that everyone knows never happen.

All this fun junk.
So - in HIGH SCHOOL.. before anyone gets into the real world.. there are these rules.. exceptions to these rules.. and the consequences of breaking them are you have to be the talk of the hallway until the next person screws one of them up.. which in high school is like every 10 minutes.. and most the time you enjoy the attention.
Maybe a little crying is done on the girls part to show that they have a heart.. a little flexing is done on the dudes part to show.. his muscles.. and then everyone mooooves on.

Now, its in high school that we develop these mind sets.. that we're walking around playing flag football with the rest of the world... and once one girl pulls the dudes tag off.. they are OFF LIMITS!
Once someone dates someone else that someone else knows.. no one else can date them or they are shunned.
We develop bad habits of how to handle break ups.. complete with absolutely HATING the other person.. recruiting an army of friends and family to hate them too and make their lives as awkward as possible... what the crap?
Calls are made from blocked numbers 'just to hear their voice'... driving by their house to see.. obviously nothing in particular cuz you're not gonna all the sudden have xray vision and see THROUGH the dang thing but.. you SWEAR there's a purpose.. a healing source from it...
WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING..?!
a) you know what they sound like homie.. you dated them.. and they haven't had a voice transplant.
b) what the heck is seeing their front door closed gonna do for your psyche? stop creepin on the low low.. you're torturing yourself. and you're being a liiiitle stalker-ish.. what would you do if they SAW you?! .. your aunt doesn't live close enough to them for them to buy your story.. and you would be screwed.

People are determined to make relationships and breakups WAY harder than they really are or ever should be!!

Is there a certain amount of time of dating someone that.. if crossed.. makes them un-datable in the surrounding 10 miles?
Its not a freaking crime scene here. nobody died. if every time you broke up with someone you couldn't date anyone you two ever knew... you better be up for some serious traveling.

Packing list for the 'dating abroad'..
- mace.. you never know what crazy homies you're gonna run into
- a picture of your ex to compare all future prospects to
- the same picture of your ex to make sure nobody you go out with knows them.. of them.. or has mutual friends on facebook with them or.. YOU ARE BREAKING A RULE!

seriously?
When everyone decides to grow up and smell the coffee.. we will come to realize the reality of dating post- high school.
Unless you know something i don't.. we're all going to end up with ONE person. your 'soulmate'... your 'sweetheart'... your 'true love's duet'... your hubby.. your wifey.. whatever.
You are searching for the completion of your happiness in another.. (everyone together now.. aaawww). and to FIND this special someone... what are you doing? You're DATING! wahoo!
So.. if something doesn't work out with someone you date... are they supposed to end up alone in life with a million cats? .. i know you'd hope so. but no retard. they're supposed to work out with someone else!
What sets the rule? ..If they work out.. then you take all the credit cuz alllll along you knew they were right for each other.. and if they don't .. then they were a terrible terrible friend for pulling the swoop like that...?

As you move through your dating roster.. why can't a friendship be maintained between ex's? If there's a mutual understanding that .. hey.. it didn't work out with us.. you're a great person.. i wish you all the happiness..
EVERYONE deserves happiness.. and the second that this is mutually realized.. all awkwardness disappears.. the armies are told to stand down.. and the dating world becomes a thousand times easier to live in!

Yes i realize that in this time in our lives.. we are seriously considering the idea of arranged marriages.. cuz duuh.. how much easier would it be to be like .. you.. you.. BAM. make it work.
We can get along and make it work with anyone!.. so find someone on FB and send them a pic of the ring you want and a date.. and a message saying 'hey.. meet you at the alter.. can't wait for our forever.... ps. my name's mccall and i like yellow roses and chocolate covered cinnamon bears '.. wouldn't this just be easier??!
Well hey. That's not how it is folks.. we have to date and find out what and who we want for the rest of forever.
There's a LOT of people in the world.. chances of you dating someone that someone else you know dated and it working out.. is preeeetyyy high. so LET IT GO! GET OVER IT!
You are only allowed to call dibs on the relationship that you're in.. and send happy vibes to all past loves.. hoping they can be as happy as you are!

I realize that people are hard to get over.. and seeing them happy without you in their lives makes you sad. But seeing someone happy without you should make you realize that it's not only a possibility to be happy without THEM.. it's right around your own corner! The quicker you can realize that every person you break up with is a step and an arrow to the next part of your life.. and the next person that's supposed to share it with you.. the lighter the burden should be on your fragile heart.
I know it's hard.. but take their happiness and let it give you hope for your own future.

If a breakup is a little less than mutual.. or a lot less than mutual.. it makes it harder. But adopt this mindset...
Without you.. they're bound to get bored in life and come crawling back.. and if they don't.. they don't deserve to be invited to your party anyway. You'll have much more fun without them dragging you down.

I realize there's a level of mutual respect on dating ex's and dating in general.. that definitely needs to be maintained.. but in grown up world.. we should hope for the happiness of those around us as much as we hope for our own!


kk folks.. i actually have more stories about this than you could even imagine buuuutt....
you can only conceal so many identities without it being like ... hey.. i know exactly what and who THAT is.. and without every single detail (no embellishment needed) they're not as funny..

If you're the swoop-er...
realize that you do need to maintain a certain level of mutual respect..
that in circles of friends and such.. you DO have a flag football belt/ punch card to a certain extent.. that you can only kiss and date sooo many in a tight knit group without peeing in the pool.. you do it a couple times nobody notices.. after a while it becomes a problem..
get you're head on straight. and make sure people are ok with it.. or at least swimming in other pools now.

If you're the swoop-ee...
Have a heart. Yes i realize you feel like you've gone around with a permanent marker and written your name on everyone you've kissed and dated... but if you're a 10.. and you roll in circles with 10's.. and you date 10's.... there are only so many 10's.. other 10's are bound to end up together.. and the world is small.

Everyone is lookin for love.. everyone deserves it.. act as pathways and road maps to the happiness around you and someone can act act as yours! We can all help each other out in finding the right one for each of us! Instead of acting as big fat road blocks.

Evaluate where you're at.. if you're not happy with the happiness of another.. you're not comfortable with your own.. fix it.. change it.. it'll lighten your own burden.. as well as the burden of the person you're burning holes in the back of their head with your eyes..

until later!!
xoxox
-CM