The time when you contemplate deleting your Facebook because of your suddenly 'politically active' friends.. Mid-terms are over.. wedding season has died down.. and you learn which of your friends is all talk with their modest-is-hottest facade.. the ones that really just have a caged little ho inside them waiting to be unleashed.
That's right folks. Its the most wonderful time of the year! ... Halloween.
The night.. or weekend, let's be honest.. that you get to escape yourself and be someone else... a time where you wont get arrested for not wearing pants.. and its completely socially acceptable to rank the boys in your apartment complex by who would make the prettiest girl.
You really learn things about yourself.... and the guys that you thought you wanted to date until you saw them in guy-liner and green tights.. and nothing else. We're in college so OBVIOUSLY halloween is like it is in Mean Girls.. only worse.
The creativity is thrown out the door... it's now a contest of who can wear the least amount of clothing and still get away with saying they're dressed up as something other than a Victoria's Secret model or an Olympic Swimmer. It's like round 2 for swim suit season... only for sluts.
It's cool. i know im offending a long tradition of bingeing on candy while wearing your underwear.. and i don't mean to. Halloween is my favorite holiday! woo! however....
we need to address a new issue.
People always talk about the slutty chicks on halloween.... uh.. what about the slutty DUDES.
Yes. we get it. you work out. taking off your shirt comes as second nature to you... but at least PRETEND you're dressing up as something other than a douche bag. It's a complete double standard.
Guys go out... scam on hot chicks in cellophane dresses... judge them for being ultra liberal with their privacy and public decency... and complain. ok they don't complain. but they should...seriously girls.. put some freakin clothes on. just because you dressed up as a hussy for halloween... doesn't mean you're fooling anyone... we now know what's under your sweater set... a cookoo in a cardigan. you let our dignity out of the bag... along with most of your butt... and now.. you can't get it back.. due to the extensive facebook pictures and rumors about you and the hot fireman at that one party.
I'm just sayin... be aware.
anyway.. back to dudes. Y'all are hussy's too.
Im gonna give my 5 second preachy speechy...
YOU ARE THE MESSAGE. BOOM.
You'll get more high 5's dressed up as a fully clothed teenage mutant ninja turtle... than a chick in her bra.. with wings on. and land an actual decent boyfriend if there happens to be one lingering in the crowd.
Angel wings and butt show costume? probably making out in a sticky-floored-corner somewhere with a guy with a fake mullet and a leaf as his costume... HIS WHOLE COSTUME.
you decide.
ok. done. you lived.
All you college single co-eds that are just looking for some halloween action... do what you do.. hot people will hook up with hot people.. naked people.. will probably gravitate towards the naked people.. so whatever vibe you're puttin out.. you'll most likely get it back. Adam will find Eve.. The avengers will assemble.. you wont ask last names and you'll get on with your lives.
All you other.. normal people.. with some moral decency.. rent a kid.. and take them trick-or-treating. Then pull an obama and take their well deserved candy and eat it even though you did nothing for it.
It's a win-win! You can post on facebook how you're being politically aware.. AND show everyone that you're good with kids and will be great at being married someday.
If you need some costume ideas... Ellen is as helpful as ever..
And in case you haven't watched any scary movies this season... allow me to give you something that will make you NEVER SLEEP AGAIN......
FURBYS ARE BACK.. ya. NOW try and think one happy thought ever again... nope. told you.
Happy Halloween!
Until Later xoxox
- Callymon
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