..The Need For Speed..

Where I live, everybody runs. Figuratively.. and literally. 

You can look on any Provo, Utah street.. in any weather condition.. at ANY time of the day or night.. and find several people.. just running. They run for joy, they run for fitness, they run into dating, they run into marriage, everything is one big sprint with every runner competing for the fastest speed from one point to another.. it's sick. 

Heyy I just met you.... don't know if you're crazy ... But we've dated 2 months.. So marry me maybe? 

Slow your roll sparky.. you're about to pull a muscle. 

Guys. I don't think I've washed my car in 2 months.. or talked to close relatives.. or decided if I like my new bedspread.. or finished a jar of peanut butter. 

Now, while all of you fine people are insisting that you’re in your right mind.. sprinting down the isle into your future.. getting hitched and planning weddings.. let me first say.. congratulations. 

You've won the game.. And finally are deTERMINED to get out of the stressful and confusing life of dating for the rest of forever. I commend you. 

That being said. Before you say "I do".. "you don't". 

So right now... all of us are still in the same stage of the dating game.... not hitched... and semi-single. 

suckers. 

Pause.. stretch a little bit.. and breathe. 

Now. take that smile off of your ignorant blind little love struck face.. This crap just got real. 

I like to believe the best in people..I want all people to rock. However. In this case... not exploring and addressing all sides of an issue.. or human.. could be detrimental to.. hmm.. I don't know... YOUR SOUL AND LIFE FOREVER!? 

so. while love is blind... let me provide you with some glasses that we will refer to as... red flaggers. i'll be your seeing-eye dog for the moment.

I'm not you. and I will in no way tell you how to make decisions or which ones to make at all... I will however provide you with information and opinions that you can take or leave.. choose to ignore... orrrrrrrr at least stop and think about. You’re welcome. 

In the past couple months, my friends and i have compared notes... Guys and girls.. married and single.. about red flags in relationships that they wish they would've seen sooner. That if they would've realized... they would've either taken care of.. or gotten the FREAK OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP BEFORE THE SATAN-LIKE HOMIE THEY WERE DATING ATE THEIR HAPPINESS FOR BREAKFAST. 

Red Flag --> Jealousy. 

The first one we came up with... Jealousy.. Possessiveness.. and the "you're not allowed to" syndrome. 

Seeing as there's probably a little bit of each of these in most relationships.. the spectrum on this is wide.  Most girls get jealous.. it's built into our DNA... most guys are protective... it's built in theirs. and merging two lives becomes a bit of a game of give and take... 

that's not what I'm talking about. That crap can get figured out and gotten over. 

I'm talking about being in a serious enough relationship that if trust is an issue... YOU HAVE ISSUES. and insecurity rules who does what with who. 

Yes. jealousy can mean that someone cares... or.. it can mean.. that someone is PSYCHO. If you can't talk to family.. or hang out with buddies... and you're DATING... NOT MARRIED YET.. you think this is going to get BETTER when you tie the not?!!? are you on CRACK?! 

no. marriage amplifies things like this. nip it in the bud while you STILL HAVE A CHANCE MAN! 

There are levels that remain in the healthy range.. but if you can't talk to people that have always been in your life.. uh.. like your family.. because it takes a fraction of your attention off of this crackhead you're dating... DROP THEM LIKE THEY'RE HOT. 

Red Flag ---> Fighting.

alright. now I'm not a moron. i know fighting is inevitable in every relationship.. every marriage is going to be hard a LITTLE BIT. so look at the WAY you fight.. and the things you fight ABOUT.. remember.... YOU ARE DATING.. THIS IS THE EASY PART!!! do NOT mistake confrontation or contention as passion. sure the make-up.. making out.. is great. but homie.... that's not going to last you forever. 

Look at the fundamentals in your relationship... what are you fighting about...? How do they act when they win or lose an argument? cause once again... marriage is NOT GOING TO MAKE THESE THINGS GO AWAY. marriage will only amplify what you're throwing the kitchen sink at each other about now. 

put your red flag goggles on.. and evaluate your fighting. healthy? or at a level that in 5 years you'll seriously consider committing a crime.. like murder. 

Red Buttons ---> it’s in the details. 

Now that i've popped 3 blood vessels on my keyboard from caps-lock yelling so much.. I’ll take it down a notch to the red buttons. 

Look at their relationship with their family... these are people they are comfortable with and don't feel like they have to be on their best behavior for. If they don't get along with a particular sibling or parent.. find out why.. Don't pull a Jake and Vienna (from the bachelor duh) and find out that all the girls in the house HATE Vienna with a fiery passion and assume that it must be because they're jealous of her.. because one day in the near future you'll wake up to find that all the girls just had their psycho-radar on and were trying to do you a favor. 

If they have a good relationship with their family.. wahoo green flag!

Look at how they treat pets.. if they don't like dogs.. they have no soul. 

personal opinion? i think not. 

Look at the way they interact with your family and the way you interact with theirs.. to some people this isn’t a deal-breaker.. but be aware.. cuz you’re not going to live your holidays for the rest of your lives in isolation away from these people that gave you LIFE. Just sayin. 

Look at how they treat people that wont further them in life in anyway, that they wont gain anything from, like waiters, or room mates, or crazy strangers. People they don’t feel like they need to impress may bring out a different side of them that you haven’t paid attention to. 

Like i said, all relationships are unique. I’m not going to tell you what decisions to make, or how or when to make them. Just make sure you know the decision, the argument, the defense, and the honest probability of your future happiness with the person you want by your side forever. Marry the person you can’t live without.. not the person you know you can live with. Don’t settle. Cuz life would suck if you did. 

I know they say "when you know.. you know!" .. and I know I'm not going to get it until it happens to me or whatever... but if you don't KNOW the person... things get complicated. I’m not saying it has never worked.. there are always exceptions.. but forever is a dang long time. take the time to get to know this person you are thinking you want to spend it with. 

While life has the potential to be all puppies and rainbows.. to be incredible..  don’t let a relationship status-change on fb and a pretty party in a pretty dress.. ruin that for you. Don’t settle for less than the best for you. This is real life. We’re making real life decisions.. this is big folks. so before you take the plunge.. hold up.. wait a minute.. put your psycho-radar in it. Be smart. train for this marathon of marriage.. don't start sprinting into a snake-pit blindfolded. 

cuz hey.. you're just married.. she turns out crazy... you want to run now? she's having your baby. boom.

This is your life and future. Think about it... and let go of this unnecessary need for speed. 

until later 

xoxo 

- Callymon