'ugh.. annoying'.. 'what do they have to prove to the virtual world'.. and 'they probably don't love each other that much in person so they have to make up for it on the public front' have crossed my mind a time or two.. but when it comes down to it, when i get that certain future Mr. Callymon on my arm.. you know i'll be showing him off.. probably even more eccentrically.
'Only time will tell'... 'your time will come'... 'give it time..' along with old awkward relatives praying that you don't die alone while setting you up with awkward sons of families they grew up with... all become part of a broken record.
You turn 21 and your grandma basically throws you a relationship funeral because 'when she was your age she was not only engaged... she had 3 other boys trying to win her back before she said i do'.
Everyone's been dated.. there's nothing shiny and new anymore.. dull and bronzing silver seems to be all thats left with nothing to do other than dig out your old roster of ex's and go through them one by one.. trying to see if you missed a diamond in the rough.
My friend Melony, who dates more than a calendar, has literally pulled out the laundry list.. determined to put closure to her love past.. finally get over love that ended too soon.. and get under the radar by revisiting her boys that refuse to 'kiss and tell'. All is well.. if you measure success by the traffic in front of your lemonade stand. But Melony is sick of dating.. sick of the games.. and sick of not being able to seriously consider the pinterest board she has dedicated to her future wedding. She wants the fairy tale in her mind to become a reality dang it!
My friend Audry just got out of, what she called 'a practice relationship'. She wanted a boyfriend.. this kid, Scott, was 'cute enough'.. she enjoyed being in a relationship.. the 3 months that it lasted.. and then Scott did something stupid.. and Audry never talked to him again.
Her theory was that she was 'practicing' being in a relationship so that when the real thing came along.. she'd be better at it! She liked the kid.. enough.. made him fall in love with her.. realized that she was about to break his heart.. or get suckered into marrying him.. and aborted her mission. She did the 'boyfriend' thing.. just for the sake of having a boyfriend.. and reported fully that it was dumb. pointless. and only made her more lonely and more eager to find the right dude..
Her time will come... their time will come... time.. time.. time..
Well hey. guess what... its 2012. the time is now. its time to take your dating life out of the hands of destiny and into your balled up angry little single hands.
In the movie "The Wedding Date" Nick says that every woman has the exact love life she wants. To which Kat (the movie's heroine) replies 'you think i want to be single and miserable?!'... "yes" nick replies calmly, "when you're ready to be un-single and un-miserable.. you will be".
So. no more blaming time. It's TIME to get over the ex's and throw the dirty roster out the window.. it's TIME to be sick of being the awkward 5th wheel.. sick of justifying late night bootycalls, convincing yourself that beautiful relationships come out of hookup buddies cuz that one guy you made out with that one time married the next chick he was 'just hooking up with'.. it's time to stop having the 'what's wrong with me' talks with your roommates... and take control of the feelings you get every time you're interrogated by your mom after a date asking if she's every gonna get grand babies.
A little over a week ago, everyone sat down and made ridiculous resolutions that will most likely be procrastinated to the point of making next years lists as well..
-lose 400 pounds
-go skydiving
-read the encyclopedia
-win an olympic medal.
-call and text people back.. even when they're ugly.
How bout making one that will actually be achievable.. last.. and change you for the rest of the new years to come...?
It's 2012.. it's time for a makeover.
It's time to make this the year that something beautiful happens in your life... not just in your love life.. but we're about to make your over all world a better place for you to live in.
The thing about life is that everything in one life is connected, so, by fixing things in one area.. you fix things in other areas at the same time.
I'm convinced that all the single and miserable people in the world.. if they didn't change one thing about themselves... would end up single and miserable again sometime in their lives because of divorce or heartbreak. When dealing with a life makeover.. you have to start with square one... yourself.
There's the obvious ways to make yourself better.. like join a gym.. get a sassy new hair cut.. and look up blake lively on pinterest and copy and paste every look into your life.. read more.. swear less.. change the world one pair of toms at a time..
But i have a slightly different take on it for you to consider..
Coal is nothing special.
Kids are threatened that they will get it from santa when they misbehave their parents. It's the best part of the fire when trying to roast marshmallows perfectly golden brown. It heats.. and makes a mess.
Pressure is the same.
It fills balloons, makes teenagers do things they later regret, keeps tires moving, and hands clasped tightly together in scary movies. Nothing special.
In extraordinary circumstances.. coal.. and/or pressure could rise above these set predetermined constraints and levels of excellence.. but for the most part.. separate.. you're not left in any kind of awe. Are they needed? ya. but you're not baffled by either one.
But when combined.. you get a rock that symbolizes love.. that people pay obscene amounts of money for. When combined you get a whole that's way more than the sum of it's parts... You get a diamond.
i was watching a movie over the holidays that talked about this very thing... about the "whole picture and/or person" being more or less than the sum of its parts... I was seriously taken back and sent into a blog-worthy stupor of thought while the protagonist went through the people she had known all her life and decided if they were more or less than the sum of their parts..
While she rambled on about boys with sparkling eyes that suddenly became over rated...
i took a gander into my own life..
Am i more than a girl with this flaw.. that going for me.. and this set of over priced extensions? When all my valuable traits are added and then gross tweaks and corky twerks are subtracted.. does the sum equal who i am? Is an accurate description of me what i do.. how i dress.. who i spend my time with.. and how i look?
Is it wrong to want to make your number higher? to strive to have more things to add than to subtract? absolutely not! Do that! Make a list of everything you can do in your life to make yourself more shiny.. and closer to the 'hard 10' line..
But while you invest in colored contacts and p90x.. lets buy stock in something that will be worth what we put into it.. Our overall 'wholeness'.
Talk less.. think more.
Worry about making someone else's day.. legitimately bringing light into their life.
Be real. Leave all superficialness and fakeness at the 2011 door and promise yourself that you are going to be YOU... all the time. cuz no one will fall in love with you.. if you're not you.. Think about it... if likes attract... and you're being toolish in your fakeness and miserable attitude... you're bound to end up with a tool anyway.. and who wants that!? NO ONE.
Gossip less. Focus on what you want to be happening in your own life.. other than whats happening in the lives of others.
Quit judging people.. their business is their business. Everyone has struggles, and each struggle is as individual as the person with them.
Focus less on being single and miserable... and more on being the single most important thing in someone else's life.
Distract your single self with becoming whole... and soon you'll trip and fall in love with someone who's less of an a-hole... and more of a 'whole' thats even more than the sum of his parts.
Fall in love with the kind of person you choose to become.. cuz guys... this year... THIS time..... this is OUR time.
Make 2012 a year to remember..be someone meaningful and you're bound to find something meaningful soon!
Cheers!
Until Later
xoxo
-Callymon
so i found this through a friend(have no idea how he found it) but oh my gosh woman! you seriously nailed it! i have felt this way for the last few weeks... 2012 is the year... i'm going to make an effort... i even watched the wedding date literally 4 days ago and when he said that i thought, "geeze... good thing i'm thinking positively! because i believe every word!" seriously... i'm on a "lets get our date on" attitude high! i really appreciate what you've said and i couldn't agree more! thank you for putting my thoughts into words!
ReplyDeletethis post is so amazing!!
ReplyDelete"Focus less on being single and miserable... and more on being the single most important thing in someone else's life. "
Ladies, i'm not single anymore but this line summed up what I finally decided to do in my life while i was single. guess what happened? i grew! i became a better person and i attracted a better man in my life. old boyfriends. gone! all that emotional baggage eventually got lighter and ligher. i began to see in this guy i eventually married how amazing he was and how he blessed other people lives. if you haven't read my story i posted it in a previous post called the 6th sense.
another important thing is when you read this go look for people who do this in their lives! you will be so much happier if you marry a man who understands this and lives it! look for men who are willing to help others and be a blessing to them and be concerned for others. this is so important because i see this quality come to bless my own life in our marriage and the things he does for me and the understanding he shows and the willingness to help each other progress and grow!
i'm so glad i learned this before i got married. marriage is so long it's important to find someone who has these vital "long-term" qualities. thanks callymon!!!! you are such a great writer!!