I've always thought of love as a tug-of-war... a little give.. a little take.. finding the balance.. picking your battles.. surrendering the upper hand.. taking control... caring more.. caring less.. back and forth back and forth back and forth..
That sometimes you are running.. and sometimes you are chasing..
That at the end of the day, everything works itself out.
I've grown up believing the fairytale of love.. and everything that goes along with it.
I never understood the phrase 'falling in love alone'.. i just figured that if someone was dumb enough to fall without someone catching them.. that they had no idea what love was.. so therefore they weren't 'falling in love alone'.. they were just bungie jumping without a cord. retards.
In sports.. there are individual events.. like track.. and.. bowling.. but in love.. if you run with no one chasing you.. what the heck are you doing... if you're chasing something that never has any intention of stopping.. either your legs will fall off.. or you'll die of a heart attack in the middle of the love road somewhere... alone.
If you play the love tug-of-war by yourself... you just fall on your butt.
I've always believed that everything that is supposed to work out.. will. But what if something ISN'T working out that you want to?? what do you do?
How long can you hang on to something without needing to see a shrink?
This weekend i went to a funeral.
A funeral for all the lost love that my friends and i needed to finally stop complaining about and over analyzing.. the death of the love that we had kept as excuses to keep us from moving on with our relationships.
Our casket... was a box wrapped in black.. to obviously set the mood..
Our soundtrack.. a combination of the saddest songs we've ever heard.. and angriest revenge songs we could find... so basically a compilation of a bunch of songs i've written in the last couple years..
We each brought something to bury.. something to burn.. something to set free.. and something to take with us.
The something to bury was something we needed to put to rest.. love that hadn't gone the way that we had hoped... things that had broken our hearts.. things that we vowed would no longer affect us.. and hope that we needed to extinguish.
The something to burn.. was something that first off.. we reallllly wanted to see set on fire.. pictures of ex's.. old love letters that were doing us absolutely no good locked away in our 'special boxes'.. teddy bears that we had contemplated turning in to voodoo dolls.. and the tshirts ex's had once looked so good in.. that laid in drawers.. gathering dust.. making us sad anytime they would make their way to the top of the drawer.
The other things going up in flames were things that we had vowed we would never do again. Things that one relationship or another had brought out in us that we hated.. and just plain dumb moves that could've been avoided.
For setting something free.. we took things that we had held on to for dear life.. unrealistic comparisons that had forever plagued relationships since.. memories that we clung to in desperate moments.. feelings we would recall when we felt empty.. and ridiculous fears that we needed to send off into the wind.. tied to white balloons.. off into the universe.
The last thing was something we had learned from these long lost loves that had changed us for the better... the things that we finally had to recognize that made the heartbreak worth it all in the end. We wrote these things down and framed them.. not as a way of looking back.. but as a way of taking the good and moving forward with it.. leaving the rest in a pile of dirt and ashes.
This yah-yah sisterhood moment included: Jane.. Lola.. Katie.. and yours truly.
Jane had a problem of attracting 'the one that got away'. The ONE that got away became a salt lake marathon of boys signing up to be the one that walked away from her into the arms of another... going 26 miles with Jane.. to bail on the last .2 .. getting in a car and driving off into the sunset of another woman. I mean don't get me wrong.. the reason there are so many on this roster is because she dates more than anyone i've ever met.. and they all happen to be quality guys.. at one point in their relationship or another. But this long list of ex lovers was getting Jane down and inhibiting her from moving forward or taking any love seriously anymore. She would now take every relationship to that 26 miles and then even if they had a chance of working out.. she would be the one to bail.. following suit of her regular routine. She didn't want to get hurt.. which made her afraid of being happy.
So... into our casket the roster went.. complete with wedding invites from these ex's.. and papers where she had practiced writing her first name with their last.
She put to rest the pigeonhole she had put herself in of 'terminal bachelorette'.. she buried the fact that love hadnt worked out thus far.. to make room for the idea that someone was out there for her and she would find him soon. She buried her closedmindedness and opened her eyes to the possibilities in front of her.
Jane burned the letter an ex had written her parents about how special she was and how she had changed his life.. along with how sad he was, devastated that it hadn't worked out. psh.. liar got engaged like 2 months later... to the girl that he cheated on Jane with. awesome.
She burned a teddybear a different boy had won her at a fair.. the fair that he had told her that he loved her at.
She set free the name 'Jake'.. the boy that she had held so tightly in her heart that she had kept herself from the possible depth of other relationships.
And her frame contained the words 'Strength'.. 'Wisdom'.. and 'Experience'.
Lola just got out of a relationship that lasted 5 months... 5 months toooo lonnngg!
All this boy did was tear her down.. which of course she didn't see while she was in it.. hence the funeral.. and realization of her recent stupidity.
He would tell her she wasn't smart enough.. pretty enough.. skinny enough.. blonde enough.. social enough.. and that she didn't care enough about him. I mean no he wouldn't just come out and say it.. but over the course of these 5 months he broke her down into a fine powder.. something unrecognizable and weak.
She buried his picture. enough said. Earl had to die.
She set fire to the word "BLIND" along with everything he had ever given her.
She set free the words 'not good enough'.. vowing to never let this affect her future.. healing wounds that he had opened over and over again.. and her frame contained a picture of a key.. representing the fact that she has the ability and tools to get out of anything that isn't good for her.. before it breaks her like homie-retard did.
Katie had had a fire burning in her heart for the same boy since middle school. She had and thought she always would love this one boy, Nathan, all her life. He had been the only boy in her life for so long that she was scared she would never move past it.
They got engaged.. planned the wedding.. and then a month before they were scheduled to say 'i do'.. he had met someone else.. and broken not only the promise he had made Katie.. but her heart.
She had still held the hope that maybe someday.. he would realize that he was wrong.. that this girl was a pre-midlife crisis.. that they could get through this confusion together..
They broke off their engagement 7 months ago, and last month.. he got married... to the girl he had left his life long love for. The girl that had ruined katie's happily ever after.
Katie finally buried his picture.. his letters.. and her promise ring that she had had since she was 16.
She burned the last letter that he wrote her telling her 'i will always love you'.. and the chicks picture.. duh.
She set free the engagement ring that he gave her.. tying a fake diamond ring to the white balloon.. sending it off into the heavens. Setting herself free from this promise that she had held on to.
Katie's frame contained a picture of Prince Charming from the movie cinderella.. representing the fact that there was in fact someone that would sweep her off her feet again.. that she would love even deeper than Nathan.
The funeral for me was a different experience. As much as i would love to vent.. you can create the love story within the frame that i give you... fill in your own blanks.
Into the casket.. I put this song.. a song i wrote called 'Anything'.
I burned old pictures and letters..
My balloon sent a polkadotted ribbin into the universe..
And my frame holds a mirror with a picture of a music note.. and the words.. "everything happens for a reason".
Maybe it's time for you to finally let go of people or feelings that have been holding you back from the endless possibilities of love. Maybe its time to start not only a new chapter.. but a new story. Gather up your memories.. your fears and your insecurities and have a funeral of your own.
Everyone has a past.. it's what makes us who we are. But today will be tomorrow's yesterday. You're creating your future past.. making the memories you'll look back on.. taking the pictures you'll burn in the future.. and holding on to things that someday you might have to let go of.
Don't let what has happened in your past keep you from continuing on to your future. Continue to make memories that someday you and your girlfriends might cry over.. or laugh about. If you get hurt again.. hey.. grab an old box.. a set of matches.. a balloon.. and a picture frame and have yourself another funeral! The time will come soon enough that all of your heartache.. all of your 'falling in love alone' will make sense.. you'll find the person that will stay on the other side of your love tug-of-war rope.. promising to never let you fall alone again. Push forward and your happy ending will be right around the corner.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
ps.. this is the first blog that i've included my music on.. i'll do this every once in a while.. or more. whatevs. hope you like it!
January 30, 2012
January 25, 2012
Confessions of a Tool-aholic
Hi. I'm McCall and i... am a tool-aholic. it's been.. not long enough since my last tool-binge and i am here to put a stop to this madness and serious addiction plaguing my life and the lives of those i love.
I come from a long line of tool-aholics.. you could say it's in my blood. and it's time for it to bloody stop.
In a female conversation the other day, a group of my friends all evaluated the kind of guys that we've dated.. We went clear back.. alllll the way through the roster,at least the part of the roster that we remembered... including the flings.. the 'one's that got away ' and boys that we planned on marrying the first time we saw them.. and then reconsidered 5 seconds later.. We then compared it to the kind of dudes that we want to marry....
Somewhere in the middle.. there was a disconnect..
We realized that the behaviors that we had conditioned ourselves to be interested in.. were not the same behaviors that our imagined charming princes would convey. In fact.. other than 'be a hottie'.. none of the factors matched at all.
We went through step by step... tool by tool.. seeing all that we had suffered in the name of love.. or what we had been calling love. Trying to figure where we went wrong thus far in our love lives.
The common threads that we found are woven into the same cloth as the rest of the dating world today...
We are all supposedly dating in order to progress... we're SUPPOSED to be dating in order to someday.. whenever it fits into your future.. get married... yet the people we are choosing to date are so far from the ones we would even consider marrying.. it's no wonder we think dating sucks! As stupid as it sounds.. and as much as you wanna smack everyone up side the head and just be like.. well.. STOP!.. there is, in fact, method to the madness.. and a way of explaining where each of us has gone wrong.
For the fellow tool-aholics... in high school, as well as growing up if you blossomed before that.. we were attracted to the confident.. cocky.. jock-ish.. swaggering guy that was this and that.. filling our juvenile love needs. We actually LIKED that they liked themselves more than they liked us.. because in an awkward high school world.. most people are insecure and awkward. The tools that overcome this awkwardness... or even only pretend to over come this with the false sense of security and worth that they develop from the sports they play or the number of chicks they make out with.. are put on a certain pedestal that toolaholics strive to conquer.
We learn on the playground as little girls that when a boy is mean to us.. it means they like us... and are determined to use our high school years to test this theory out. We get caught up in the sparkliness of our tools.. learning to love them.. while developing bad habits of seeking a superficial game-like kind of love.
We fall into the habits of seeking approval of all sorts.. 'never being good enough'.. always having to step up our game and question our position in the relationships we're in. This becomes attractive as we pound it into our brains and hearts, because it is in fact, an exciting way to live.. it leaves us constantly on edge. We confuse this so called excitement, or anxiety, that comes from the inconsistency of what's happening with what society would call 'falling in love' or 'butterflies'.. building the foundation under our hearts all crooked.. making sure that any future relationship short of this 'excitement' doesn't measure up.
While we are used to having to wait 4 days for someone to text us back.. keeping us on edge and on our toes... if we all the sudden start dating someone that texts us on a consistent basis... that familiar anxiety or 'butterfly' feeling.. is missing.. making us question the 'spark' in the relationship all together.
While we get used to this... we're just digging our graves deeper and deeper.. apparently subconsciously thinking that one day we'll magically make the switch over and be ok with dating something different..?
No worries toolaholics.. there is hope for us. But the answer isn't going to fall from the sky.. into our laps.. with a diamond ring..
This common problem that we face... the reason we go to this secret society of fellow addicts.. is because we seek the things necessary to make the transition from tools.. to nice guys. We band together in order to save each other's souls and hearts from a life time of making sandwiches and giving back-rubs.
Honestly... do we REALLY want to end up with someone that loves themselves more than they love us? do we TRULY want to have a serious relationship and marry someone that we're constantly seeking approval from.. that reluctantly gives any sign of love because it 'keeps us on the line'..? if your answer is yes.. you need more than this blog... you need serious help.
So how do you transition from dating like that.. exciting.. unpredictable.. never knowing when they like you.. or if their emotions will remain consistent over a 24 hour period... to the boring.. consistency of real love.. REALationships?
How to we retrain ourselves to like what we're supposed to like.. and quit giving these homies an excuse to never grow up?
You commit.. and follow through.
The same way anything is accomplished in life.. nothing happens if you don't start.
I wish i had a magic spell and special potion that you could drink and be cured... spin around 3 times.. hop on 1 foot while repeating 'woman make me sandwich is not the way to live.... woman make me sandwich is not the way to live...' holding your foot and touching your bellybutton.. but unfortunately, this is a bad habit that you yourself have created.. and you yourself have to break.
I'm gonna tell you right now that if you're in your addiction prettttyyy deep... if you're close to the 'lost cause' line... it's gonna be harder for you than others... this tool-rehab will be somewhat of a blog-worthy experience for you.. but i promise.. you'll thank me someday.
The first thing you need to do... is clean house.
Commit yourself to not dating the guys that you've already burned through at a rapid rate... and follow through with cutting the cord.. this means no 'i was lonely one night and fell back into my little black book' booty calls... no 'i really think he's changed'.. NONE OF IT. You stop it. right now.
The thing about these tool box's that we've chosen to associate ourselves with.. is that yes.. every one of them is going to settle down someday... there will come a time and a girl that they will in fact change (to a certain extent) for.. they will become monogamous... and actually get married. It takes the right girl for each one of them.. not the 'best' girl... not the 'hottest'... but the RIGHT girl. I'm sorry to tell you... but judging by your presence in the tool-aholics anonymous club... you are not this girl. Don't beat yourself up when they all the sudden decide to settle down.. you'll be waayyy better off without them. Don't decide to make them your projects in hopes that you'll be around when the switch flips.. that's NOT the way it works. cut it off.. you'll both be happier.
The second thing you have to do... is learn to handle your dating ADD and ADHD.
You've gotten accustomed to being on CRACK relationships.. you're gonna need to learn to breathe.. and focus. Get the constant 'have to be on edge'-ness out of your system. Give yourself a chance to actually FALL for someone. You don't have to trip at first sight.. chances are when that happens you end up breaking something anyway. These butterflies that you're used to are DEMON butterflies.. demon butterflies that eat your soul. Kill that addiction and realize that just because you don't have anxiety over someone.. doesn't mean you like them any less.
The last thing is just give the nice guy a chance! Once you kick the tool-bad-habit.. you'll be surprised how much you actually like being treated well. it will become a new addiction for you.. a HEALTHY addiction that will serve you better in your life.
Make a serious effort to date a new breed of man.. one that cares more about your feelings than his social agenda.. one willing to give up his little black book to be your ryan gosling. Realize that it will be a different dating experience.. and EMBRACE the change!
My girlfriend Beth comes from a long line of toolaholics. Her addiction had grown so much.. that anything shy of an all-star.. wouldn't make it past a couple of weeks in her dating book. Everything that she had ever known was inconsistent and a one way tug-of-war. All she ever wanted was to be loved.. but then if any boy dared to actually love her.. she was NOT down. As her tool time ticked on.. we as her friends.. conniving and mischievous were sick of seeing her heart crash and burn over and over and over as she continuously went back to tool after tool.. convincing herself that THIS time they would be different.. that THIS time.. this tool would fall, giving her the best of both worlds. We challenged her with a love experiment... we bet her a week of Zupas (our favorite lunch spot) that she couldn't date a nice guy for longer than 3 weeks without getting sick of him. And.. being a chick that loves her fairly priced salads and soups... she accepted.
So. the next 'nice guy' that all of us agreed on that fit the description that asked Beth out... set our plan in motion.. This boy's name was Matt.
Beth was required by our little gossip girl crew that she go on every date this boy asked her on for those 3 weeks... that she give him every chance that he wanted. She had to text back to every text he sent her.. answer every phone call.. and be responsive to any effort he threw her way.
Well... Matt, while being a nice guy... was in no way a shy nice guy. From the first date they went on forward.. he text her or called her every day. In the first week they went out twice.. and hung out twice on top of that. He definitely made it known that he was not only interested in Beth... but that he didn't feel the need to 'feel his options out'.. that he was the kind of guy that dated one person at a time.. and he had put all his focus on Beth.
Matt didn't play games.. he was never a douche to her... he showed genuine interest and had follow through.
While at first Beth was NOT down.. (we couldn't exactly blame her.. coming from a relationship where she waited by the phone for DAYS waiting for so much as a 'hey'.. all of the sudden having to consciously text and call a human back on a daily basis.)... she grew to absolutely love feeling like a princess. By week 3.. She was smitten.
Beth and Matt are still dating.... it's been 5 months. And unlike the relationships prior.. where Beth would be jealous and worry.. where she would have to think twice about speaking her mind or expressing concern about something... she has become a completely different person! By dating this nice guy.. she has taken the anxiety out of her love life and found true butterflies.. REAL falling in love emotions. and.. from what we hear.. she's not planning on letting them go.
Life is just too dang short to date douche bags. There are too many nice guys waiting to date amazing girls that have been corrupted to the point of overlooking happiness for false excitement.
We all complain that 'guys are all the same'.. 'girls are all the same'.. there ARE no nice guys in the world... but when it comes down to it... we've left them off our radar for so long that they've become invisible to us. Nice guys do exist. THEY ARE OUT THERE.. and they are waiting. They're like the polar express bell... you have to believe in order to hear it ring. You have to look in order to find. And finally.. you have to believe that you deserve a nice guy. Never think you're corrupted past the point of no return.. that you're doomed to sleep in the bed that you've made. No matter what your dating past has been.. you deserve the best. Find someone that makes you feel that way.. and don't let him go.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
I come from a long line of tool-aholics.. you could say it's in my blood. and it's time for it to bloody stop.
In a female conversation the other day, a group of my friends all evaluated the kind of guys that we've dated.. We went clear back.. alllll the way through the roster,at least the part of the roster that we remembered... including the flings.. the 'one's that got away ' and boys that we planned on marrying the first time we saw them.. and then reconsidered 5 seconds later.. We then compared it to the kind of dudes that we want to marry....
Somewhere in the middle.. there was a disconnect..
We realized that the behaviors that we had conditioned ourselves to be interested in.. were not the same behaviors that our imagined charming princes would convey. In fact.. other than 'be a hottie'.. none of the factors matched at all.
We went through step by step... tool by tool.. seeing all that we had suffered in the name of love.. or what we had been calling love. Trying to figure where we went wrong thus far in our love lives.
The common threads that we found are woven into the same cloth as the rest of the dating world today...
We are all supposedly dating in order to progress... we're SUPPOSED to be dating in order to someday.. whenever it fits into your future.. get married... yet the people we are choosing to date are so far from the ones we would even consider marrying.. it's no wonder we think dating sucks! As stupid as it sounds.. and as much as you wanna smack everyone up side the head and just be like.. well.. STOP!.. there is, in fact, method to the madness.. and a way of explaining where each of us has gone wrong.
For the fellow tool-aholics... in high school, as well as growing up if you blossomed before that.. we were attracted to the confident.. cocky.. jock-ish.. swaggering guy that was this and that.. filling our juvenile love needs. We actually LIKED that they liked themselves more than they liked us.. because in an awkward high school world.. most people are insecure and awkward. The tools that overcome this awkwardness... or even only pretend to over come this with the false sense of security and worth that they develop from the sports they play or the number of chicks they make out with.. are put on a certain pedestal that toolaholics strive to conquer.
We learn on the playground as little girls that when a boy is mean to us.. it means they like us... and are determined to use our high school years to test this theory out. We get caught up in the sparkliness of our tools.. learning to love them.. while developing bad habits of seeking a superficial game-like kind of love.
We fall into the habits of seeking approval of all sorts.. 'never being good enough'.. always having to step up our game and question our position in the relationships we're in. This becomes attractive as we pound it into our brains and hearts, because it is in fact, an exciting way to live.. it leaves us constantly on edge. We confuse this so called excitement, or anxiety, that comes from the inconsistency of what's happening with what society would call 'falling in love' or 'butterflies'.. building the foundation under our hearts all crooked.. making sure that any future relationship short of this 'excitement' doesn't measure up.
While we are used to having to wait 4 days for someone to text us back.. keeping us on edge and on our toes... if we all the sudden start dating someone that texts us on a consistent basis... that familiar anxiety or 'butterfly' feeling.. is missing.. making us question the 'spark' in the relationship all together.
While we get used to this... we're just digging our graves deeper and deeper.. apparently subconsciously thinking that one day we'll magically make the switch over and be ok with dating something different..?
No worries toolaholics.. there is hope for us. But the answer isn't going to fall from the sky.. into our laps.. with a diamond ring..
This common problem that we face... the reason we go to this secret society of fellow addicts.. is because we seek the things necessary to make the transition from tools.. to nice guys. We band together in order to save each other's souls and hearts from a life time of making sandwiches and giving back-rubs.
Honestly... do we REALLY want to end up with someone that loves themselves more than they love us? do we TRULY want to have a serious relationship and marry someone that we're constantly seeking approval from.. that reluctantly gives any sign of love because it 'keeps us on the line'..? if your answer is yes.. you need more than this blog... you need serious help.
So how do you transition from dating like that.. exciting.. unpredictable.. never knowing when they like you.. or if their emotions will remain consistent over a 24 hour period... to the boring.. consistency of real love.. REALationships?
How to we retrain ourselves to like what we're supposed to like.. and quit giving these homies an excuse to never grow up?
You commit.. and follow through.
The same way anything is accomplished in life.. nothing happens if you don't start.
I wish i had a magic spell and special potion that you could drink and be cured... spin around 3 times.. hop on 1 foot while repeating 'woman make me sandwich is not the way to live.... woman make me sandwich is not the way to live...' holding your foot and touching your bellybutton.. but unfortunately, this is a bad habit that you yourself have created.. and you yourself have to break.
I'm gonna tell you right now that if you're in your addiction prettttyyy deep... if you're close to the 'lost cause' line... it's gonna be harder for you than others... this tool-rehab will be somewhat of a blog-worthy experience for you.. but i promise.. you'll thank me someday.
The first thing you need to do... is clean house.
Commit yourself to not dating the guys that you've already burned through at a rapid rate... and follow through with cutting the cord.. this means no 'i was lonely one night and fell back into my little black book' booty calls... no 'i really think he's changed'.. NONE OF IT. You stop it. right now.
The thing about these tool box's that we've chosen to associate ourselves with.. is that yes.. every one of them is going to settle down someday... there will come a time and a girl that they will in fact change (to a certain extent) for.. they will become monogamous... and actually get married. It takes the right girl for each one of them.. not the 'best' girl... not the 'hottest'... but the RIGHT girl. I'm sorry to tell you... but judging by your presence in the tool-aholics anonymous club... you are not this girl. Don't beat yourself up when they all the sudden decide to settle down.. you'll be waayyy better off without them. Don't decide to make them your projects in hopes that you'll be around when the switch flips.. that's NOT the way it works. cut it off.. you'll both be happier.
The second thing you have to do... is learn to handle your dating ADD and ADHD.
You've gotten accustomed to being on CRACK relationships.. you're gonna need to learn to breathe.. and focus. Get the constant 'have to be on edge'-ness out of your system. Give yourself a chance to actually FALL for someone. You don't have to trip at first sight.. chances are when that happens you end up breaking something anyway. These butterflies that you're used to are DEMON butterflies.. demon butterflies that eat your soul. Kill that addiction and realize that just because you don't have anxiety over someone.. doesn't mean you like them any less.
The last thing is just give the nice guy a chance! Once you kick the tool-bad-habit.. you'll be surprised how much you actually like being treated well. it will become a new addiction for you.. a HEALTHY addiction that will serve you better in your life.
Make a serious effort to date a new breed of man.. one that cares more about your feelings than his social agenda.. one willing to give up his little black book to be your ryan gosling. Realize that it will be a different dating experience.. and EMBRACE the change!
My girlfriend Beth comes from a long line of toolaholics. Her addiction had grown so much.. that anything shy of an all-star.. wouldn't make it past a couple of weeks in her dating book. Everything that she had ever known was inconsistent and a one way tug-of-war. All she ever wanted was to be loved.. but then if any boy dared to actually love her.. she was NOT down. As her tool time ticked on.. we as her friends.. conniving and mischievous were sick of seeing her heart crash and burn over and over and over as she continuously went back to tool after tool.. convincing herself that THIS time they would be different.. that THIS time.. this tool would fall, giving her the best of both worlds. We challenged her with a love experiment... we bet her a week of Zupas (our favorite lunch spot) that she couldn't date a nice guy for longer than 3 weeks without getting sick of him. And.. being a chick that loves her fairly priced salads and soups... she accepted.
So. the next 'nice guy' that all of us agreed on that fit the description that asked Beth out... set our plan in motion.. This boy's name was Matt.
Beth was required by our little gossip girl crew that she go on every date this boy asked her on for those 3 weeks... that she give him every chance that he wanted. She had to text back to every text he sent her.. answer every phone call.. and be responsive to any effort he threw her way.
Well... Matt, while being a nice guy... was in no way a shy nice guy. From the first date they went on forward.. he text her or called her every day. In the first week they went out twice.. and hung out twice on top of that. He definitely made it known that he was not only interested in Beth... but that he didn't feel the need to 'feel his options out'.. that he was the kind of guy that dated one person at a time.. and he had put all his focus on Beth.
Matt didn't play games.. he was never a douche to her... he showed genuine interest and had follow through.
While at first Beth was NOT down.. (we couldn't exactly blame her.. coming from a relationship where she waited by the phone for DAYS waiting for so much as a 'hey'.. all of the sudden having to consciously text and call a human back on a daily basis.)... she grew to absolutely love feeling like a princess. By week 3.. She was smitten.
Beth and Matt are still dating.... it's been 5 months. And unlike the relationships prior.. where Beth would be jealous and worry.. where she would have to think twice about speaking her mind or expressing concern about something... she has become a completely different person! By dating this nice guy.. she has taken the anxiety out of her love life and found true butterflies.. REAL falling in love emotions. and.. from what we hear.. she's not planning on letting them go.
Life is just too dang short to date douche bags. There are too many nice guys waiting to date amazing girls that have been corrupted to the point of overlooking happiness for false excitement.
We all complain that 'guys are all the same'.. 'girls are all the same'.. there ARE no nice guys in the world... but when it comes down to it... we've left them off our radar for so long that they've become invisible to us. Nice guys do exist. THEY ARE OUT THERE.. and they are waiting. They're like the polar express bell... you have to believe in order to hear it ring. You have to look in order to find. And finally.. you have to believe that you deserve a nice guy. Never think you're corrupted past the point of no return.. that you're doomed to sleep in the bed that you've made. No matter what your dating past has been.. you deserve the best. Find someone that makes you feel that way.. and don't let him go.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
January 23, 2012
For better or Worse
Everyone is different.
You find people of all shapes and sizes.. all different personalities... quarks.. pet peeves.. things that set them off... tolerance levels... hair color.. eye color... and scars.
But one thing that all of us as human being have in common, is the fact that we came from something before. We all have a past us.. and a present us... things that in our personal history changed us for the better.. or worse.. into the person we are today.
Whether it be catastrophic events.. or simple snide comments... complements.. or tiny realizations about ourselves and others.. our own timelines affect us and have molded us into us.. for better or worse.
I've been studying this very concept in those around me.. picking apart their pasts in order to get further insight into what made them the way that they are.
Things like death.. heartache.. and losing everything you have.. take quite the toll on someone's soul and set behaviors. People that go through these horrible life-changing events usually come out one way or the other...
for better...
They focus on what matters most to them in their lives... determined to become the best person they can possibly be in every area.. realizing that they in no way had a part in their fate in accordance to these events and they become the Mother Teresa's of the world.. attempting to relieve the pain of anyone and everyone they possibly can.
or for worse..
They blame themselves... determined to never let this kind of heart ache happen again.. closing out any possibility of happiness in fear of the unknown.. fear of failure and sadness. They close themselves off.. with good reason. But they change for the worse. silently crying for help that others around them need to recognize and provide.
Winning the lottery.. falling in love.. and having a moment where everything is right in your life.. change you in ways for better or worse as well...
For better..
People become lovely and giving.. sharing their happiness no matter the kind that they're in abundance of.
for worse..
People become greedy and selfish.. holding on to every ounce of money or love that they have at that time.. often times with the result of them later losing it.
You can look back into someone's history and see what made them how they are... drawing a road map of when they changed for the better.. and when they changed for the worse.
When doing this.. you either gain sympathy for their poor unfortunate souls... wanna kick them in the teeth.. or simply have an explanation of the hard shell or giant softy in front of you.
In the world of love and singleness.. if we each had a road map of everyone on the menu.. we could better understand the retarded world we live in.. we could gain a better perspective of why the douche-bags we date.. act the way that they do. And if it didn't help further us in our quest for love... at least it would give us a good hard laugh. and the ability to recognize the faults in one another with a grain of salt.. realizing that all of us are an ex-something and we- with a little effort - can most likely pull whoever they are out of whatever retarded slump they've fallen into. We can reveal the humanity in each other.. silently.. or publicly.. depending on how gutsy each of us are.. and hopefully reach common.. mature.. ground.. someday.
In a community full of dude-bro's and possibly the most vain people i've ever met.. it wasn't hard to come across.. not just one... but several conversations.. about nothing more than being hot.
At first it was pretty amusing.. not gonna lie.. as dude-bro after homie.. after tool box.. talked about special tanning creme made from the geckos of the nile that only they could get for the delicate condition of their skin.. that practically made them a no brainer for any lady they pursued... About hair gel that was JUST the right amount of hold that took them from jersey shore.. to Abercrombie model.. so they could look natural.. but still like they cared.
They proceeded to talk about their favorite part of a woman's body.. and the PERFECT exercise that they should do to make their butt exactly the right shape.. and how many 'chicks wanted them'.
About 30 seconds into this conversation.. i wanted to ralph.
As i searched the room contemplating suicide.. wondering if i could get more horrific than 'death by carbs' in the eyes of the group in front of me... i said a small prayer for the douche bag's of the world.
There honestly can't be that many people in the world stuck in never land.... with the 'mature' part of their brain missing.. the 'grow up' gene... just GONE! i mean honestly.. ya.. its great that you're hot. but really? being hot is like a pre-req. nobody really cares THAT much.. and CERTAINLY nobody wants to hear about it!
Physical attraction is decided in the first 5 seconds of meeting someone.. it is the door into the kingdom of love. If you pass.. you get to explore.. if you don't... you go find another door. It's such a matter of personal taste and judgement that it becomes a base-line. You probably wont date someone that YOU'RE not physically attracted to.. bottom line. They don't have to be attractive to someone else.. but YOU have to like the way they look. So. being a baseline.. a door... its ridiculous how much emphasis some people put on it. P.R.E.R.E.Q.U.I.S.I.T.E.. baseline!
If you're hot... that's great. good for you... but if you really have to tell someone else how hot you are... you're gonna end up with a whole bunch of puke down your shirt.
So.. after searching and compiling and asking and deciding and inquiring and finding....
this is what i came up with:
Alright.. hold up homies.. before i get knee deep in this.. and start getting hate mail.. i obviously realize that there are in fact, exceptions to every rule.. if you find them.. send em my way. If you feel like you ARE the exception.. you have a big case of 'i think i'm awesome syndrome'... or you think you're tight. Which is fine... but no. you can not nominate yourself.
alright. covered all my bases? good.
Ex-Brown-baggers: People that used to be fuggs (freakin ugly) and are now hot.
I want to marry a late bloomer. They're the best people in society. ok i lied.. they can go one of two ways..
for better...
They miss the whole 'think you're super hot and get super annoying in high school' phase... they most definitely value things about themselves waaaay more than their looks.. they've taken the time to develop an actual brain and opinion about things in the world.. so most of the time they're either smart.. or funny.. or both. And they either a) don't know their hot yet.. or b) they've figured it out.. but when you tell them.. they receive it as a genuine complement.. other than the 'well duh' look. When you get the 'for better' side of the late bloomer.. they've been over looked in the tool draft and come out on top.
This is one of the reasons that you see 10's with 5's... one of the two either doesn't realize how hot they are... contributed to their late-bloomer-syndrome.. and/or they haven't had the shallowness branded into their brains their whole life.. so they value other things more than pure physical attraction.
for worse...
while there's nothing better than a 'better bloomer'... a 'worse' bloomer..? yuck. there's rarely anything that can top the annoyingness.
People that used to be fuggs.. that all of the sudden realize they're hot.. and realize the power that comes with being hot...that literally CANT SHUT UP about how hot they are... wooooof.
These lovely people have comebacks like...'but they're not even HOT!'.. and 'yaaa but you're waaayyy hotter than they are.. duh! so like.. you win anyway.' These are the people that missed the 'play the field years' in high school and/or early college years... they missed the 'prime douchery memories and stats'.. and are DETERMINED to make up for lost time. They often times act juvenile... in EVERYTHING THEY DO. They party hard LONG after everyone else grows out of it.. they play more games in relationships because 'they just aren't sure if the person they're dating understands the value of the person in front of them'..
These people wont date.. or slay.. anything less than a 9 at worst. They feel like they deserve ONLY 10's as far as looks go cuz uh 'duh.. they're hot now'. They most of the time will end up with a bimbo whose brains are in.. some form of lump on their body..(biceps..abs..or if they're a chick.. other..lady.. lumps..) Or... nah. they pretty much end up with someone who definitely has the physical attraction going for them.. don't get me wrong.. they end up with hotties... but usually these people have nothing else going for them... the conversations with them are like talking to a brick wall.
The exception..
Sometimes ex-fuggzies (late bloomers) are and end up with regular people.. don't follow a formula.. and go through life happily as though they had bloomed at an earlier age.. or never at all.
Ex-grocery-baggers: People that used to be fat.. (in a dude's case scrawny would apply here also) that are now skinny.. (or shredded)... yes i realize this is just an extension.. for chicks its pretty much the same... for dudes.. it makes a specialty group.. of even more gaggy people.
Normal people that have made the switch.. joined a gym.. given up chocolate cake.. or recently had lipo.. act.. normal. go figure. Nothing really changes except.. they look different. yay. good for them. have a cookie.
Worse than worse...
The dudes that all the sudden have become shredded? CAN'T SHUT UP about their diet and work out... they constantly watch what others eat around them.. and literally will NOT shut up about how blah blah blah happened.. and then they got shredded and it fixed everything. All they wanna talk about is the gym... These are usually the dudes you see... standing in front of the mirror at golds.. with a cut off shirt that barely covers their nipples.. making out with their biceps. These guys usually make the biggest tools you can find. (all of the above assumptions about ex-fuggs-a-puggs applies here as well..)
The chicks that have made the transition.. for worse..? Usually dress in the skimpy clothes they 'missed out' on wearing before.. and they abandon all of their other qualities to act retarded. They actually TRY and be stupider than they are because they've seen all the other chicks their whole lives get guys with the laugh and flip.. bend and snap.. mentality.
Once again.. the exception? .. sometimes people that fall in this category are completely normal.. but those are no fun to talk about.
Ex-beauty-queens: People that used to be attractive.. that have seriously gone down hill.
For better:
They're fine.. they settle into the middle numbers and are ok with it. alright.. ya.. its more normal than 'better'.. but still... normal is better than WORSE!
For worse:
its just sad. They become super self-conscious because they get a lot less attention than they used to.. they constantly feel like they have something to prove so they share waaaay more with you about their personal lives than they should..
they find every excuse to tell you how hot they are.. because they want YOU to believe it. They will NOT post an accurate or current picture on Facebook... they live in the glory days.
They often times have a false elitist sense to them... feeling like they're too attractive to date anyone..
Ex-Sweethearts: People that were perfect and normal in relationships until someone ruined them.
For better:
These people have been in bad relationships and are determined to find something quality. They are determined to do whatever it takes to make it work this time. They keep the past in the past and learn from their mistakes.. often times moving on faster because of the heartache they've had to face.
For worse:
These are the people that were normal.. and functioning.. and not douchey.. until some retard messed them up. They often times have trust issues.. cant settle down, or commit to anything... ever.. They often times have one thing in particular that they are INSANE about.. whether it be cheating.. or 'never feeling good enough'... or separation issues..
Whoever messed these perfectly good people up.. should be shot. Because NOW they figure that whatever they did prior.. aka.. the 'nice guy' or 'nice girl' routine.. obviously didn't work.. so they now will become a douche... a jerk.. a homie that will always have the upper hand by caring less. It's just sad sad sad.
Everyone has a past.. recognize it right here and now. as the human race.. we need to be able to laugh at each other's weaknesses and take people with a grain of salt, however, we also need to realize that we have absolutely NOTHING to prove to ANYONE but ourselves.. we don't need to shove ourselves down people's throats for them to realize how great we are.. people are more perceptive that we give them credit for. We don't need to judge people on how they were or looked in high school.. but we also don't need to ACT like we're in high school.
If everyone in the single world could just GROW UP.. even just a little bit.. and realize that we are exactly who we are and someone is going to love us.. for how we are.. not how we pretend to be.. NOT how we tell others we are.
Good for you for winning the lottery.. good for you for changing into someone that you want to be physically.. or mentally.. or spiritually.. or emotionally.
But beauty is far more than skin deep. it's simply a pre-req. get through the door and explore the real beauty about someone... their soul.
We are who we are.. for better.. or worse.
until later..
xoxo
-Callymon
You find people of all shapes and sizes.. all different personalities... quarks.. pet peeves.. things that set them off... tolerance levels... hair color.. eye color... and scars.
But one thing that all of us as human being have in common, is the fact that we came from something before. We all have a past us.. and a present us... things that in our personal history changed us for the better.. or worse.. into the person we are today.
Whether it be catastrophic events.. or simple snide comments... complements.. or tiny realizations about ourselves and others.. our own timelines affect us and have molded us into us.. for better or worse.
I've been studying this very concept in those around me.. picking apart their pasts in order to get further insight into what made them the way that they are.
Things like death.. heartache.. and losing everything you have.. take quite the toll on someone's soul and set behaviors. People that go through these horrible life-changing events usually come out one way or the other...
for better...
They focus on what matters most to them in their lives... determined to become the best person they can possibly be in every area.. realizing that they in no way had a part in their fate in accordance to these events and they become the Mother Teresa's of the world.. attempting to relieve the pain of anyone and everyone they possibly can.
or for worse..
They blame themselves... determined to never let this kind of heart ache happen again.. closing out any possibility of happiness in fear of the unknown.. fear of failure and sadness. They close themselves off.. with good reason. But they change for the worse. silently crying for help that others around them need to recognize and provide.
Winning the lottery.. falling in love.. and having a moment where everything is right in your life.. change you in ways for better or worse as well...
For better..
People become lovely and giving.. sharing their happiness no matter the kind that they're in abundance of.
for worse..
People become greedy and selfish.. holding on to every ounce of money or love that they have at that time.. often times with the result of them later losing it.
You can look back into someone's history and see what made them how they are... drawing a road map of when they changed for the better.. and when they changed for the worse.
When doing this.. you either gain sympathy for their poor unfortunate souls... wanna kick them in the teeth.. or simply have an explanation of the hard shell or giant softy in front of you.
In the world of love and singleness.. if we each had a road map of everyone on the menu.. we could better understand the retarded world we live in.. we could gain a better perspective of why the douche-bags we date.. act the way that they do. And if it didn't help further us in our quest for love... at least it would give us a good hard laugh. and the ability to recognize the faults in one another with a grain of salt.. realizing that all of us are an ex-something and we- with a little effort - can most likely pull whoever they are out of whatever retarded slump they've fallen into. We can reveal the humanity in each other.. silently.. or publicly.. depending on how gutsy each of us are.. and hopefully reach common.. mature.. ground.. someday.
In a community full of dude-bro's and possibly the most vain people i've ever met.. it wasn't hard to come across.. not just one... but several conversations.. about nothing more than being hot.
At first it was pretty amusing.. not gonna lie.. as dude-bro after homie.. after tool box.. talked about special tanning creme made from the geckos of the nile that only they could get for the delicate condition of their skin.. that practically made them a no brainer for any lady they pursued... About hair gel that was JUST the right amount of hold that took them from jersey shore.. to Abercrombie model.. so they could look natural.. but still like they cared.
They proceeded to talk about their favorite part of a woman's body.. and the PERFECT exercise that they should do to make their butt exactly the right shape.. and how many 'chicks wanted them'.
About 30 seconds into this conversation.. i wanted to ralph.
As i searched the room contemplating suicide.. wondering if i could get more horrific than 'death by carbs' in the eyes of the group in front of me... i said a small prayer for the douche bag's of the world.
There honestly can't be that many people in the world stuck in never land.... with the 'mature' part of their brain missing.. the 'grow up' gene... just GONE! i mean honestly.. ya.. its great that you're hot. but really? being hot is like a pre-req. nobody really cares THAT much.. and CERTAINLY nobody wants to hear about it!
Physical attraction is decided in the first 5 seconds of meeting someone.. it is the door into the kingdom of love. If you pass.. you get to explore.. if you don't... you go find another door. It's such a matter of personal taste and judgement that it becomes a base-line. You probably wont date someone that YOU'RE not physically attracted to.. bottom line. They don't have to be attractive to someone else.. but YOU have to like the way they look. So. being a baseline.. a door... its ridiculous how much emphasis some people put on it. P.R.E.R.E.Q.U.I.S.I.T.E.. baseline!
If you're hot... that's great. good for you... but if you really have to tell someone else how hot you are... you're gonna end up with a whole bunch of puke down your shirt.
So.. after searching and compiling and asking and deciding and inquiring and finding....
this is what i came up with:
Alright.. hold up homies.. before i get knee deep in this.. and start getting hate mail.. i obviously realize that there are in fact, exceptions to every rule.. if you find them.. send em my way. If you feel like you ARE the exception.. you have a big case of 'i think i'm awesome syndrome'... or you think you're tight. Which is fine... but no. you can not nominate yourself.
alright. covered all my bases? good.
Ex-Brown-baggers: People that used to be fuggs (freakin ugly) and are now hot.
I want to marry a late bloomer. They're the best people in society. ok i lied.. they can go one of two ways..
for better...
They miss the whole 'think you're super hot and get super annoying in high school' phase... they most definitely value things about themselves waaaay more than their looks.. they've taken the time to develop an actual brain and opinion about things in the world.. so most of the time they're either smart.. or funny.. or both. And they either a) don't know their hot yet.. or b) they've figured it out.. but when you tell them.. they receive it as a genuine complement.. other than the 'well duh' look. When you get the 'for better' side of the late bloomer.. they've been over looked in the tool draft and come out on top.
This is one of the reasons that you see 10's with 5's... one of the two either doesn't realize how hot they are... contributed to their late-bloomer-syndrome.. and/or they haven't had the shallowness branded into their brains their whole life.. so they value other things more than pure physical attraction.
for worse...
while there's nothing better than a 'better bloomer'... a 'worse' bloomer..? yuck. there's rarely anything that can top the annoyingness.
People that used to be fuggs.. that all of the sudden realize they're hot.. and realize the power that comes with being hot...that literally CANT SHUT UP about how hot they are... wooooof.
These lovely people have comebacks like...'but they're not even HOT!'.. and 'yaaa but you're waaayyy hotter than they are.. duh! so like.. you win anyway.' These are the people that missed the 'play the field years' in high school and/or early college years... they missed the 'prime douchery memories and stats'.. and are DETERMINED to make up for lost time. They often times act juvenile... in EVERYTHING THEY DO. They party hard LONG after everyone else grows out of it.. they play more games in relationships because 'they just aren't sure if the person they're dating understands the value of the person in front of them'..
These people wont date.. or slay.. anything less than a 9 at worst. They feel like they deserve ONLY 10's as far as looks go cuz uh 'duh.. they're hot now'. They most of the time will end up with a bimbo whose brains are in.. some form of lump on their body..(biceps..abs..or if they're a chick.. other..lady.. lumps..) Or... nah. they pretty much end up with someone who definitely has the physical attraction going for them.. don't get me wrong.. they end up with hotties... but usually these people have nothing else going for them... the conversations with them are like talking to a brick wall.
The exception..
Sometimes ex-fuggzies (late bloomers) are and end up with regular people.. don't follow a formula.. and go through life happily as though they had bloomed at an earlier age.. or never at all.
Ex-grocery-baggers: People that used to be fat.. (in a dude's case scrawny would apply here also) that are now skinny.. (or shredded)... yes i realize this is just an extension.. for chicks its pretty much the same... for dudes.. it makes a specialty group.. of even more gaggy people.
Normal people that have made the switch.. joined a gym.. given up chocolate cake.. or recently had lipo.. act.. normal. go figure. Nothing really changes except.. they look different. yay. good for them. have a cookie.
Worse than worse...
The dudes that all the sudden have become shredded? CAN'T SHUT UP about their diet and work out... they constantly watch what others eat around them.. and literally will NOT shut up about how blah blah blah happened.. and then they got shredded and it fixed everything. All they wanna talk about is the gym... These are usually the dudes you see... standing in front of the mirror at golds.. with a cut off shirt that barely covers their nipples.. making out with their biceps. These guys usually make the biggest tools you can find. (all of the above assumptions about ex-fuggs-a-puggs applies here as well..)
The chicks that have made the transition.. for worse..? Usually dress in the skimpy clothes they 'missed out' on wearing before.. and they abandon all of their other qualities to act retarded. They actually TRY and be stupider than they are because they've seen all the other chicks their whole lives get guys with the laugh and flip.. bend and snap.. mentality.
Once again.. the exception? .. sometimes people that fall in this category are completely normal.. but those are no fun to talk about.
Ex-beauty-queens: People that used to be attractive.. that have seriously gone down hill.
For better:
They're fine.. they settle into the middle numbers and are ok with it. alright.. ya.. its more normal than 'better'.. but still... normal is better than WORSE!
For worse:
its just sad. They become super self-conscious because they get a lot less attention than they used to.. they constantly feel like they have something to prove so they share waaaay more with you about their personal lives than they should..
they find every excuse to tell you how hot they are.. because they want YOU to believe it. They will NOT post an accurate or current picture on Facebook... they live in the glory days.
They often times have a false elitist sense to them... feeling like they're too attractive to date anyone..
Ex-Sweethearts: People that were perfect and normal in relationships until someone ruined them.
For better:
These people have been in bad relationships and are determined to find something quality. They are determined to do whatever it takes to make it work this time. They keep the past in the past and learn from their mistakes.. often times moving on faster because of the heartache they've had to face.
For worse:
These are the people that were normal.. and functioning.. and not douchey.. until some retard messed them up. They often times have trust issues.. cant settle down, or commit to anything... ever.. They often times have one thing in particular that they are INSANE about.. whether it be cheating.. or 'never feeling good enough'... or separation issues..
Whoever messed these perfectly good people up.. should be shot. Because NOW they figure that whatever they did prior.. aka.. the 'nice guy' or 'nice girl' routine.. obviously didn't work.. so they now will become a douche... a jerk.. a homie that will always have the upper hand by caring less. It's just sad sad sad.
Everyone has a past.. recognize it right here and now. as the human race.. we need to be able to laugh at each other's weaknesses and take people with a grain of salt, however, we also need to realize that we have absolutely NOTHING to prove to ANYONE but ourselves.. we don't need to shove ourselves down people's throats for them to realize how great we are.. people are more perceptive that we give them credit for. We don't need to judge people on how they were or looked in high school.. but we also don't need to ACT like we're in high school.
If everyone in the single world could just GROW UP.. even just a little bit.. and realize that we are exactly who we are and someone is going to love us.. for how we are.. not how we pretend to be.. NOT how we tell others we are.
Good for you for winning the lottery.. good for you for changing into someone that you want to be physically.. or mentally.. or spiritually.. or emotionally.
But beauty is far more than skin deep. it's simply a pre-req. get through the door and explore the real beauty about someone... their soul.
We are who we are.. for better.. or worse.
until later..
xoxo
-Callymon
January 13, 2012
.. Three's Company ..
Three is a hard number.
Whether you're Regina George or not.. there will always be one person of the 3 that the other 2 are bound to fight over in some way.
There's always one person cut off of the side walk.. forced to walk behind and chime into the conversation when they feel it necessary.. the one constantly deriving tactics to cut one of the other 2 out of the coveted spot next to anything other than the lonely tree and plants that keep whacking them in the face while they practically eves drop on their friends in front of them.
There's one person in shot gun.. one person driving.. and one left in the back.. The person that's forced to loosen the middle seatbelt enough so they can awkwardly lean forward just enough to get in on the pointless pictures and creation of inside jokes that will be later posted on Facebook to prove all of them are friends and doing things with their lives... like driving around.
There's always someone that gets left out... someone that gets hurt... someone that's made feel uncomfortable.. and someone claiming the roll of superiority over the other 2, caught in the middle of the awkward love triangle they've formed.
I'm convinced that this observation was taken into account when forming the emoticon <3. that less than 3 = love.
When it comes to love, the world is doing everything they can to keep happy healthy relationships from forming and lasting by using this tactic of imbalance to its advantage.
A relationship always consists of 3 driving factors...
the woman with trust issues claiming she's not like most girls.. begging for security in a man she's praying isn't like the other douche bags she's dated...
The insecure jealous man... claiming he's neither.. begging for a non dramatic, yet vulnerable girl needing masculine tasks performed to make him feel needed, with eyes for no one but him..
and the 3rd party out there in the world.. trying to ruin everything.
Love is hard enough without having to prove yourself and compete for the attention of your man or woman, yet you can't find a relationship out there without one or more of the following:
1. a crazy ex trying to weasel their way into any part of the relationship they can manage..
2. a past discrepancy from a previous relationship that gave you all your "trust issues" and "walls" that you of course bring into your current situation that has nothing to do with the old douche bag you broke up with cuz uh.. duh.. he was a douche.
3. one set (or both sets) of friends wanting a wing man/woman that's NOT in a relationship, thus filling your head with the single sugarplum fairy.
4. or the rest of everyone else that you decide to bring into your relationship by telling them every detail, involving them in every decision.. and recruiting them for your army to take your side in every argument that they have no part of.
The thing about love is that it's more universal than we all seem to think. No matter how much you hate it when someone claims that they've been in your shoes and they know exactly how you feel... chances are.. they do. Until we all reach the point where we're happily married, we're either the dumpee.. the dumper.. the one that got a way.. or the one chasing the one that got away.. we either HAVE a crazy ex.. or we ARE the crazy ex. At one point or another in our lives, we get to experience it all, making each position more easily understood.
You break up with someone.. all is fine.. and then all the sudden they get in a relationship and its like Defcon 1!! All the sudden.. you are NOT ok. Understandable. You don't want this option to be forever checked off your list... there's no way that you want THEM happy before YOU'RE happy! it freaks you out to have something that you've had in your life for so long all the sudden slip through your fingers... so. you want to at least keep in contact with them.. you're just being friendly and cordial... you can TOTALLY be friends even if they're in a relationship... you just want them to know that you're fine with it.. you don't want them to think this changes anything....... Stop it right there you sneaky little son of a duck. You know what you're doing.. even if its buried somewhere in your subconscious. Consider the other side of the color wheel while you're pushing the green green green on them... they are filled with RED RED RED!!
When you're on the other side of things and you're trying to form a new and lasting relationship.. but one of your ex's keeps weaseling.. It ruins everything. Your current boyfriend or girlfriend (or even potential gf or bf) shouldn't have to compete with your ex for anything!
No matter the side of the spectrum you're coming from... the rule with ex's is.. as soon as you break up.. and want to move on... they are your EX. you sever ties.. you move past.. move on... or friggin get back together. you don't keep them at arms length.. you don't keep them around.. cuz as long as they're around they scare any sort of potential relationship that could happen away! If they occupy your heart and your mind at all, you have put your current relationship in a boxing ring with a ghost... in a situation they can't win.
A relationship is meant for 2 not 3... change your focus to your current situation. you don't 'owe' your ex anything. you can be cordial when seeing them, but the fact of the matter is, you have to eventually choose who you want to sit shotgun.. who you want to be walking next to on the sidewalk.. you have to decide who's feelings matter more to you NOW. if it's your ex.. then get back together with your ex and save the poor sucker loving you the heartache. If its who you're with.. go figure.. let the ex BE the ex. they'll understand someday when they have a crazy ex trying to screw with them.
When it comes to past relationships that have messed you up... once again, i know we all like to feel super special.. like our situation was more damaging than another... but in all reality.. we ALL have relationship baggage! we ALL have some sort of trust issues and cheating issues and attention issues and jealousy issues.. the right.. and ONLY thing to do.. is to leave them IN. THE. PAST! Not all guys are the same... not all girls are the same...
and if another one ends up hurting you like the last one, have you died thus far? nope. i promise you'll be ok! You owe it to every relationship you're in to give it 100%.. don't walk into it not trusting them.. don't walk into it waiting for them to break your heart or cheat on you or make you feel insecure.. cuz 3 is a HARD number.. and no one wants to compete with the crazy ghost that you've created.. no one wants to have to break through concrete thick walls to even stand a chance. If you go in white flag drawn.. yes. you might get shot... but this video game of love gives you as many lives as you need until you get it right! Don't go in guns hot.. or you'll make a lot more war than love.
When it comes to friends.. tell them to back off.. shoot the single sugarplum fairy.. they'll understand your happiness as soon as they're on the other side.. in a relationship that people are trying to destroy.
and finally... don't add the world. a relationship is meant for 2... NOT 3.. NOT 5,785,495,454. Everyone is going to have an opinion. EVERYONE is going to give you more ideas that conflict with one another about how you or your partner is doing something WRONG. People thrive on drama.. why do you think reality tv is such a hit? People like to stir the pot... keep them out of your stew! They're bound to ruin things.. or at least make things a lot harder than they need to be. make your business YOUR business..
Give the relationship your in your full attention.. give it the shot it deserves! Keep the rest of everyone out of it, and you'll figure it out. 3 is a hard number... less than 3 = love. <3
Until Later!
xoxo
-Callymon
Whether you're Regina George or not.. there will always be one person of the 3 that the other 2 are bound to fight over in some way.
There's always one person cut off of the side walk.. forced to walk behind and chime into the conversation when they feel it necessary.. the one constantly deriving tactics to cut one of the other 2 out of the coveted spot next to anything other than the lonely tree and plants that keep whacking them in the face while they practically eves drop on their friends in front of them.
There's one person in shot gun.. one person driving.. and one left in the back.. The person that's forced to loosen the middle seatbelt enough so they can awkwardly lean forward just enough to get in on the pointless pictures and creation of inside jokes that will be later posted on Facebook to prove all of them are friends and doing things with their lives... like driving around.
There's always someone that gets left out... someone that gets hurt... someone that's made feel uncomfortable.. and someone claiming the roll of superiority over the other 2, caught in the middle of the awkward love triangle they've formed.
I'm convinced that this observation was taken into account when forming the emoticon <3. that less than 3 = love.
When it comes to love, the world is doing everything they can to keep happy healthy relationships from forming and lasting by using this tactic of imbalance to its advantage.
A relationship always consists of 3 driving factors...
the woman with trust issues claiming she's not like most girls.. begging for security in a man she's praying isn't like the other douche bags she's dated...
The insecure jealous man... claiming he's neither.. begging for a non dramatic, yet vulnerable girl needing masculine tasks performed to make him feel needed, with eyes for no one but him..
and the 3rd party out there in the world.. trying to ruin everything.
Love is hard enough without having to prove yourself and compete for the attention of your man or woman, yet you can't find a relationship out there without one or more of the following:
1. a crazy ex trying to weasel their way into any part of the relationship they can manage..
2. a past discrepancy from a previous relationship that gave you all your "trust issues" and "walls" that you of course bring into your current situation that has nothing to do with the old douche bag you broke up with cuz uh.. duh.. he was a douche.
3. one set (or both sets) of friends wanting a wing man/woman that's NOT in a relationship, thus filling your head with the single sugarplum fairy.
4. or the rest of everyone else that you decide to bring into your relationship by telling them every detail, involving them in every decision.. and recruiting them for your army to take your side in every argument that they have no part of.
The thing about love is that it's more universal than we all seem to think. No matter how much you hate it when someone claims that they've been in your shoes and they know exactly how you feel... chances are.. they do. Until we all reach the point where we're happily married, we're either the dumpee.. the dumper.. the one that got a way.. or the one chasing the one that got away.. we either HAVE a crazy ex.. or we ARE the crazy ex. At one point or another in our lives, we get to experience it all, making each position more easily understood.
You break up with someone.. all is fine.. and then all the sudden they get in a relationship and its like Defcon 1!! All the sudden.. you are NOT ok. Understandable. You don't want this option to be forever checked off your list... there's no way that you want THEM happy before YOU'RE happy! it freaks you out to have something that you've had in your life for so long all the sudden slip through your fingers... so. you want to at least keep in contact with them.. you're just being friendly and cordial... you can TOTALLY be friends even if they're in a relationship... you just want them to know that you're fine with it.. you don't want them to think this changes anything....... Stop it right there you sneaky little son of a duck. You know what you're doing.. even if its buried somewhere in your subconscious. Consider the other side of the color wheel while you're pushing the green green green on them... they are filled with RED RED RED!!
When you're on the other side of things and you're trying to form a new and lasting relationship.. but one of your ex's keeps weaseling.. It ruins everything. Your current boyfriend or girlfriend (or even potential gf or bf) shouldn't have to compete with your ex for anything!
No matter the side of the spectrum you're coming from... the rule with ex's is.. as soon as you break up.. and want to move on... they are your EX. you sever ties.. you move past.. move on... or friggin get back together. you don't keep them at arms length.. you don't keep them around.. cuz as long as they're around they scare any sort of potential relationship that could happen away! If they occupy your heart and your mind at all, you have put your current relationship in a boxing ring with a ghost... in a situation they can't win.
A relationship is meant for 2 not 3... change your focus to your current situation. you don't 'owe' your ex anything. you can be cordial when seeing them, but the fact of the matter is, you have to eventually choose who you want to sit shotgun.. who you want to be walking next to on the sidewalk.. you have to decide who's feelings matter more to you NOW. if it's your ex.. then get back together with your ex and save the poor sucker loving you the heartache. If its who you're with.. go figure.. let the ex BE the ex. they'll understand someday when they have a crazy ex trying to screw with them.
When it comes to past relationships that have messed you up... once again, i know we all like to feel super special.. like our situation was more damaging than another... but in all reality.. we ALL have relationship baggage! we ALL have some sort of trust issues and cheating issues and attention issues and jealousy issues.. the right.. and ONLY thing to do.. is to leave them IN. THE. PAST! Not all guys are the same... not all girls are the same...
and if another one ends up hurting you like the last one, have you died thus far? nope. i promise you'll be ok! You owe it to every relationship you're in to give it 100%.. don't walk into it not trusting them.. don't walk into it waiting for them to break your heart or cheat on you or make you feel insecure.. cuz 3 is a HARD number.. and no one wants to compete with the crazy ghost that you've created.. no one wants to have to break through concrete thick walls to even stand a chance. If you go in white flag drawn.. yes. you might get shot... but this video game of love gives you as many lives as you need until you get it right! Don't go in guns hot.. or you'll make a lot more war than love.
When it comes to friends.. tell them to back off.. shoot the single sugarplum fairy.. they'll understand your happiness as soon as they're on the other side.. in a relationship that people are trying to destroy.
and finally... don't add the world. a relationship is meant for 2... NOT 3.. NOT 5,785,495,454. Everyone is going to have an opinion. EVERYONE is going to give you more ideas that conflict with one another about how you or your partner is doing something WRONG. People thrive on drama.. why do you think reality tv is such a hit? People like to stir the pot... keep them out of your stew! They're bound to ruin things.. or at least make things a lot harder than they need to be. make your business YOUR business..
Give the relationship your in your full attention.. give it the shot it deserves! Keep the rest of everyone out of it, and you'll figure it out. 3 is a hard number... less than 3 = love. <3
Until Later!
xoxo
-Callymon
January 9, 2012
... It's about Time ...
It's a hard knock life for a single girl with a facebook newsfeed full of relationship updates and a fridge full of wedding invites.. if there was an 'opt out' button for all the people becoming FB official and getting engaged.. trust me i would've found it by now. Happiness is on the rise.. and lets face it, as much as i enjoy living my love life vicariously through my favorite facebook couples and their millions of pictures at every venue you can imagine.. this is an equation that it just plain sucks to be left out of.
'ugh.. annoying'.. 'what do they have to prove to the virtual world'.. and 'they probably don't love each other that much in person so they have to make up for it on the public front' have crossed my mind a time or two.. but when it comes down to it, when i get that certain future Mr. Callymon on my arm.. you know i'll be showing him off.. probably even more eccentrically.
'Only time will tell'... 'your time will come'... 'give it time..' along with old awkward relatives praying that you don't die alone while setting you up with awkward sons of families they grew up with... all become part of a broken record.
You turn 21 and your grandma basically throws you a relationship funeral because 'when she was your age she was not only engaged... she had 3 other boys trying to win her back before she said i do'.
Everyone's been dated.. there's nothing shiny and new anymore.. dull and bronzing silver seems to be all thats left with nothing to do other than dig out your old roster of ex's and go through them one by one.. trying to see if you missed a diamond in the rough.
My friend Melony, who dates more than a calendar, has literally pulled out the laundry list.. determined to put closure to her love past.. finally get over love that ended too soon.. and get under the radar by revisiting her boys that refuse to 'kiss and tell'. All is well.. if you measure success by the traffic in front of your lemonade stand. But Melony is sick of dating.. sick of the games.. and sick of not being able to seriously consider the pinterest board she has dedicated to her future wedding. She wants the fairy tale in her mind to become a reality dang it!
My friend Audry just got out of, what she called 'a practice relationship'. She wanted a boyfriend.. this kid, Scott, was 'cute enough'.. she enjoyed being in a relationship.. the 3 months that it lasted.. and then Scott did something stupid.. and Audry never talked to him again.
Her theory was that she was 'practicing' being in a relationship so that when the real thing came along.. she'd be better at it! She liked the kid.. enough.. made him fall in love with her.. realized that she was about to break his heart.. or get suckered into marrying him.. and aborted her mission. She did the 'boyfriend' thing.. just for the sake of having a boyfriend.. and reported fully that it was dumb. pointless. and only made her more lonely and more eager to find the right dude..
Her time will come... their time will come... time.. time.. time..
Well hey. guess what... its 2012. the time is now. its time to take your dating life out of the hands of destiny and into your balled up angry little single hands.
In the movie "The Wedding Date" Nick says that every woman has the exact love life she wants. To which Kat (the movie's heroine) replies 'you think i want to be single and miserable?!'... "yes" nick replies calmly, "when you're ready to be un-single and un-miserable.. you will be".
So. no more blaming time. It's TIME to get over the ex's and throw the dirty roster out the window.. it's TIME to be sick of being the awkward 5th wheel.. sick of justifying late night bootycalls, convincing yourself that beautiful relationships come out of hookup buddies cuz that one guy you made out with that one time married the next chick he was 'just hooking up with'.. it's time to stop having the 'what's wrong with me' talks with your roommates... and take control of the feelings you get every time you're interrogated by your mom after a date asking if she's every gonna get grand babies.
A little over a week ago, everyone sat down and made ridiculous resolutions that will most likely be procrastinated to the point of making next years lists as well..
-lose 400 pounds
-go skydiving
-read the encyclopedia
-win an olympic medal.
-call and text people back.. even when they're ugly.
How bout making one that will actually be achievable.. last.. and change you for the rest of the new years to come...?
It's 2012.. it's time for a makeover.
It's time to make this the year that something beautiful happens in your life... not just in your love life.. but we're about to make your over all world a better place for you to live in.
The thing about life is that everything in one life is connected, so, by fixing things in one area.. you fix things in other areas at the same time.
I'm convinced that all the single and miserable people in the world.. if they didn't change one thing about themselves... would end up single and miserable again sometime in their lives because of divorce or heartbreak. When dealing with a life makeover.. you have to start with square one... yourself.
There's the obvious ways to make yourself better.. like join a gym.. get a sassy new hair cut.. and look up blake lively on pinterest and copy and paste every look into your life.. read more.. swear less.. change the world one pair of toms at a time..
But i have a slightly different take on it for you to consider..
Coal is nothing special.
Kids are threatened that they will get it from santa when they misbehave their parents. It's the best part of the fire when trying to roast marshmallows perfectly golden brown. It heats.. and makes a mess.
Pressure is the same.
It fills balloons, makes teenagers do things they later regret, keeps tires moving, and hands clasped tightly together in scary movies. Nothing special.
In extraordinary circumstances.. coal.. and/or pressure could rise above these set predetermined constraints and levels of excellence.. but for the most part.. separate.. you're not left in any kind of awe. Are they needed? ya. but you're not baffled by either one.
But when combined.. you get a rock that symbolizes love.. that people pay obscene amounts of money for. When combined you get a whole that's way more than the sum of it's parts... You get a diamond.
i was watching a movie over the holidays that talked about this very thing... about the "whole picture and/or person" being more or less than the sum of its parts... I was seriously taken back and sent into a blog-worthy stupor of thought while the protagonist went through the people she had known all her life and decided if they were more or less than the sum of their parts..
While she rambled on about boys with sparkling eyes that suddenly became over rated...
i took a gander into my own life..
Am i more than a girl with this flaw.. that going for me.. and this set of over priced extensions? When all my valuable traits are added and then gross tweaks and corky twerks are subtracted.. does the sum equal who i am? Is an accurate description of me what i do.. how i dress.. who i spend my time with.. and how i look?
Is it wrong to want to make your number higher? to strive to have more things to add than to subtract? absolutely not! Do that! Make a list of everything you can do in your life to make yourself more shiny.. and closer to the 'hard 10' line..
But while you invest in colored contacts and p90x.. lets buy stock in something that will be worth what we put into it.. Our overall 'wholeness'.
Talk less.. think more.
Worry about making someone else's day.. legitimately bringing light into their life.
Be real. Leave all superficialness and fakeness at the 2011 door and promise yourself that you are going to be YOU... all the time. cuz no one will fall in love with you.. if you're not you.. Think about it... if likes attract... and you're being toolish in your fakeness and miserable attitude... you're bound to end up with a tool anyway.. and who wants that!? NO ONE.
Gossip less. Focus on what you want to be happening in your own life.. other than whats happening in the lives of others.
Quit judging people.. their business is their business. Everyone has struggles, and each struggle is as individual as the person with them.
Focus less on being single and miserable... and more on being the single most important thing in someone else's life.
Distract your single self with becoming whole... and soon you'll trip and fall in love with someone who's less of an a-hole... and more of a 'whole' thats even more than the sum of his parts.
Fall in love with the kind of person you choose to become.. cuz guys... this year... THIS time..... this is OUR time.
Make 2012 a year to remember..be someone meaningful and you're bound to find something meaningful soon!
Cheers!
Until Later
xoxo
-Callymon
'ugh.. annoying'.. 'what do they have to prove to the virtual world'.. and 'they probably don't love each other that much in person so they have to make up for it on the public front' have crossed my mind a time or two.. but when it comes down to it, when i get that certain future Mr. Callymon on my arm.. you know i'll be showing him off.. probably even more eccentrically.
'Only time will tell'... 'your time will come'... 'give it time..' along with old awkward relatives praying that you don't die alone while setting you up with awkward sons of families they grew up with... all become part of a broken record.
You turn 21 and your grandma basically throws you a relationship funeral because 'when she was your age she was not only engaged... she had 3 other boys trying to win her back before she said i do'.
Everyone's been dated.. there's nothing shiny and new anymore.. dull and bronzing silver seems to be all thats left with nothing to do other than dig out your old roster of ex's and go through them one by one.. trying to see if you missed a diamond in the rough.
My friend Melony, who dates more than a calendar, has literally pulled out the laundry list.. determined to put closure to her love past.. finally get over love that ended too soon.. and get under the radar by revisiting her boys that refuse to 'kiss and tell'. All is well.. if you measure success by the traffic in front of your lemonade stand. But Melony is sick of dating.. sick of the games.. and sick of not being able to seriously consider the pinterest board she has dedicated to her future wedding. She wants the fairy tale in her mind to become a reality dang it!
My friend Audry just got out of, what she called 'a practice relationship'. She wanted a boyfriend.. this kid, Scott, was 'cute enough'.. she enjoyed being in a relationship.. the 3 months that it lasted.. and then Scott did something stupid.. and Audry never talked to him again.
Her theory was that she was 'practicing' being in a relationship so that when the real thing came along.. she'd be better at it! She liked the kid.. enough.. made him fall in love with her.. realized that she was about to break his heart.. or get suckered into marrying him.. and aborted her mission. She did the 'boyfriend' thing.. just for the sake of having a boyfriend.. and reported fully that it was dumb. pointless. and only made her more lonely and more eager to find the right dude..
Her time will come... their time will come... time.. time.. time..
Well hey. guess what... its 2012. the time is now. its time to take your dating life out of the hands of destiny and into your balled up angry little single hands.
In the movie "The Wedding Date" Nick says that every woman has the exact love life she wants. To which Kat (the movie's heroine) replies 'you think i want to be single and miserable?!'... "yes" nick replies calmly, "when you're ready to be un-single and un-miserable.. you will be".
So. no more blaming time. It's TIME to get over the ex's and throw the dirty roster out the window.. it's TIME to be sick of being the awkward 5th wheel.. sick of justifying late night bootycalls, convincing yourself that beautiful relationships come out of hookup buddies cuz that one guy you made out with that one time married the next chick he was 'just hooking up with'.. it's time to stop having the 'what's wrong with me' talks with your roommates... and take control of the feelings you get every time you're interrogated by your mom after a date asking if she's every gonna get grand babies.
A little over a week ago, everyone sat down and made ridiculous resolutions that will most likely be procrastinated to the point of making next years lists as well..
-lose 400 pounds
-go skydiving
-read the encyclopedia
-win an olympic medal.
-call and text people back.. even when they're ugly.
How bout making one that will actually be achievable.. last.. and change you for the rest of the new years to come...?
It's 2012.. it's time for a makeover.
It's time to make this the year that something beautiful happens in your life... not just in your love life.. but we're about to make your over all world a better place for you to live in.
The thing about life is that everything in one life is connected, so, by fixing things in one area.. you fix things in other areas at the same time.
I'm convinced that all the single and miserable people in the world.. if they didn't change one thing about themselves... would end up single and miserable again sometime in their lives because of divorce or heartbreak. When dealing with a life makeover.. you have to start with square one... yourself.
There's the obvious ways to make yourself better.. like join a gym.. get a sassy new hair cut.. and look up blake lively on pinterest and copy and paste every look into your life.. read more.. swear less.. change the world one pair of toms at a time..
But i have a slightly different take on it for you to consider..
Coal is nothing special.
Kids are threatened that they will get it from santa when they misbehave their parents. It's the best part of the fire when trying to roast marshmallows perfectly golden brown. It heats.. and makes a mess.
Pressure is the same.
It fills balloons, makes teenagers do things they later regret, keeps tires moving, and hands clasped tightly together in scary movies. Nothing special.
In extraordinary circumstances.. coal.. and/or pressure could rise above these set predetermined constraints and levels of excellence.. but for the most part.. separate.. you're not left in any kind of awe. Are they needed? ya. but you're not baffled by either one.
But when combined.. you get a rock that symbolizes love.. that people pay obscene amounts of money for. When combined you get a whole that's way more than the sum of it's parts... You get a diamond.
i was watching a movie over the holidays that talked about this very thing... about the "whole picture and/or person" being more or less than the sum of its parts... I was seriously taken back and sent into a blog-worthy stupor of thought while the protagonist went through the people she had known all her life and decided if they were more or less than the sum of their parts..
While she rambled on about boys with sparkling eyes that suddenly became over rated...
i took a gander into my own life..
Am i more than a girl with this flaw.. that going for me.. and this set of over priced extensions? When all my valuable traits are added and then gross tweaks and corky twerks are subtracted.. does the sum equal who i am? Is an accurate description of me what i do.. how i dress.. who i spend my time with.. and how i look?
Is it wrong to want to make your number higher? to strive to have more things to add than to subtract? absolutely not! Do that! Make a list of everything you can do in your life to make yourself more shiny.. and closer to the 'hard 10' line..
But while you invest in colored contacts and p90x.. lets buy stock in something that will be worth what we put into it.. Our overall 'wholeness'.
Talk less.. think more.
Worry about making someone else's day.. legitimately bringing light into their life.
Be real. Leave all superficialness and fakeness at the 2011 door and promise yourself that you are going to be YOU... all the time. cuz no one will fall in love with you.. if you're not you.. Think about it... if likes attract... and you're being toolish in your fakeness and miserable attitude... you're bound to end up with a tool anyway.. and who wants that!? NO ONE.
Gossip less. Focus on what you want to be happening in your own life.. other than whats happening in the lives of others.
Quit judging people.. their business is their business. Everyone has struggles, and each struggle is as individual as the person with them.
Focus less on being single and miserable... and more on being the single most important thing in someone else's life.
Distract your single self with becoming whole... and soon you'll trip and fall in love with someone who's less of an a-hole... and more of a 'whole' thats even more than the sum of his parts.
Fall in love with the kind of person you choose to become.. cuz guys... this year... THIS time..... this is OUR time.
Make 2012 a year to remember..be someone meaningful and you're bound to find something meaningful soon!
Cheers!
Until Later
xoxo
-Callymon
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