Discovery Channel..

Who invented this torturous week that makes all college students contemplate suicide?
Happy Finals week.. and may the odds be ever in your favor..
Where's the trust?! We went to your class all semester (except that mental health week we needed when it was like 70 degrees in the middle of January).. we took all your pointless quizzes.. can't you just assume we learned oh so much from you? you REALLY have to test us on things you know for a fact we're going to attempt to cram into our brains the week before... regurgitate just for your hour of death test.. and forget for the rest of forever? These are supposed to be our glory days! And you know once we get senioritis in high school we never grow out of it...
As finals continue to kill me... i'll continue to take these breaks between study sessions that are longer than they should be..

I will warn you.. this post will not solve world hunger.. or your relationship problems.. however, it will provide you with a temporary break from thinking all together..
This is the discovery channel of pointlessness...

6 things i discovered this semester..

1. Red give me movies or give me death Box

Yaa sure i knew that redbox existed and what the whole idea of it was. I'm not retarded.. i don't live under a rock. But it's one of those things that until you try it... you have NO IDEA the impact that it will have on your life of procrastination. EPIC. I highly suggest that you go and explore.


2. Clarisonic face washing brush buzz thing of amazingness Mia

If you're wondering if it'll change your life... TRUST ME. it'll change your life. It A) feels awesome. 

B.) clears up all the yucky stuff on your skin.. and C) comes in adorable colors.. mine is purple, like this one.. It's worth every cent. 

3. Green looks like death but tastes like happiness 2-O

It looks nothing short of disgusting.. but it's amazing! My mama has a crew of milfs that all work their little buns off together.. they've handed their health destiny over to my cousin.. whom i like to call "the milf whisperer" she got them all HOOKED on this stuff.. so naturally.. callymon tried it. It's amazing. seriously. yay for health and not dying. woo!

4.  My Fab Iphone Genie savior of all bad dates and unfortunate dead phone incidents Zagg

It charges your phone.. when you're not by a plug. uh.. duh. and doubles as a defibrillator and jet pack.. not really. but i love it. especially because i'm convinced that apple is making their batteries die sooner and sooner in a plot to take over the spot as the monopoly phone company.. oh wait. 

5. The dance dare.. 

Ellen.. one of my favorite humans ever... challenges all of the people that come on her show.. as well as eager fame hungry audience members.. to a double dog dance dare.. it's a fantastic way to spend a saturday.. or monday.. and like all of the other discoveries.. you wont know until you try.. and then you'll be addicted and go around dancing behind everyone.. looking ridiculous.. and having so much fun.

6. The JATD app...
If you enjoy quirky humor and like to laugh.. and your twitter doesn't refresh as fast as you may like when you're in classes that you cant stand... get JATD!! Just a Typical Day will fill your life with puppies and rainbows. 

4 things i've learned this semester...

1. Completely clear contacts SUCK. you can't see them when they fall out.. or get lost in your eyes. In the last week i've almost completely accepted the fact that i'll most likely go blind from the contact LOST somewhere in my freakin eye!! and then i got it out. 

2. Cell phones have airplane mode... when you dont want to talk to anyone... but still want to play bejeweled blitz on your cellular... flip it to airplane mode. Just don't forget to switch it back.. or your parents.. room mates.. and friends may sent out search parties. 

3. There's finally a "hide all engagement announcements" button on facebook!!!.. nope sorry. we can dream though right?  

4. You have to be happy single or you wont be happy in a relationship. It sounds cliche but it's true. Learn to be happy where ever you are in your life and marital status... if you're always happy no matter the circumstance, guess what...! you'll be happy... it's basically rocket science. 

5 sad songs i've written this semester: 

1. Anything..

2. Shadow Man...

3. Unlovable.. 

4.  Don't make me love you again

5. Whole

Dang.. i write bloody sad songs.. if you need a gateway into depression.. hey.. i'll provide the soundtrack.. its fine.

5 movies i'll definitely see this summer... (and reasons why)

1. The Avengers...

reasons? have you seen Chris Hemsworth? yep.

2. Madagascar 3.

.. because of the polka-dot afro zebra. obviously

3. Snow White and the Huntsman..

uh... Chris Hemsworth again. duh.

4. Rock of Ages..

Cuz it looks awesome.

5. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer.. no.. not really. that looks retarded.

5. The Dark Knight Rises.

Cuz it looks so incredibly Bad A.


3 reasons this will be the Summer of Love...

1. bearlake is so much better when you have a homie to tube.. boat.. lay out.. and nap with.

2. the world may end in december.. it may be the last summer we have.

3. and i need happy songs dang it!



5 boys that i've decided i will date in my lifetime/ have been dating in my head for quite sometime now..

1. Zac Efron.

we have HISTORY.. duh. can't fight a hsm love like ours.

2. Hunter Parish..

uh.. we have history.. when he sang on my album when i was 11 there was a definite connection that we both can't deny..

3. Chase Crawford..

uuh.. he's perfect. annd he went to high school with one of my friends. so. obviously that means we have to get married.


4. Ryan Reynolds

 He's perfect looking annnnd... he's hilarious.

5. Ryan Gosling

He a) stars in the best movie of all time... b) was in the mickey mouse club.. and c) looks incredible in a tailored suit with a little bit of scruff. yuuum.


4 things i hate...

1. Rude people. There's no reason to be mean. be nice.. retards.
2. Dark Chocolate.. why would they make chocolate.. that's bitter? so counter productive.
3. Gossiping. It's stupid. worry about your own dang lives.
4. finals.

2 things i want to do but probably will never be brave enough to..

1. Skydiving. the idea of it is incredible.. but no. i'm not going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane that's NOT going down.

2. Dye my hair this color..

the second i decide to go back blonde.. i'd probably end up bald.


7 things i'll never understand...

1. Where all the lost bobbie pins go.. you can buy a million.. and in 3 days.. you can't find ONE!

2. Why Nsync ever broke up.. i hated saying bye bye bye to boybands.. but now that they're comin back.. it makes me ill.

3. how facebook is legal... its a way to literally stalk every person you know.. and dont know.. without being arrested. Thank you ztalkerberg.. we love you.

4. how people pretend to hate Justin Bieber... he's adorable. he's talented. he's a bazillionare.. he wears purple. and he's like 12! what's the problem? and now he raps! bonus..

5. how they haven't invented a sarcastic font yet... if texting and emailing and facebooking really is the dark and dismal future of communication we're all headed for.. we at LEAST want to be understood!

6. Stingy red mango workers... you wont get paid any less if you actually fill my $10 cup of yogurt up.. why the heck do you get joy out of short changing me on my glutton free amazingness? fill-er-up!

7. Crocs.

1 song i've written that will most likely never make the album....

I wrote it with my friend BC for an Adam Sandler movie and they never used it... yes.. its called "Horizontal Hula"... #myybad




Happy Finals week. You're welcome for helping you procrastinate whatever you were supposed to be doing.
Until Later..

xoxo
-Callymon