.. Chasing Cars ..

Love is powerful. It's a creator, destroyer, confuser, clarifier.. it makes everything fall apart and come together at the same time. Such a powerful emotion has the ability to change anything and anyone. Love in itself can be a complete road block on a sought after path, it can take your plan...throw it out the window..and form a new one.
If we had a pyramid of emotion,love would be on the top.. and the bottom. It's the foundation of life and reason.. and its also the frosting on the cake that everybody wants. It's what is instilled in us from birth.. and brought out...strengthened.. and perfected through extraordinary circumstances and people. It doesn't have to make sense... its love. It doesn't have to be fair.. and rarely ever is. It has no regard for 'bad timing' or what you think you're supposed to feel.. it just IS.
It's unreasonable in the fact that without it... there's no REASON for anything.
Through reason and logic.. you'll come up with answers.. but without love.. you can come up with the wrong ones.
Reason leads to conclusion.. but it's emotion that leads to action. Even if that action is paralyzation.
All is fair in love and war right..?
well. unfortunately this post isn't focusing on the love part of the equation... We're going up a level on the pyramid of powerful emotions where we find the next 2 that.. along with love.. make up the 3 most powerful and motivating emotions available on the human emotional spectrum. Everything i just said about love applies to these emotions as well..however, these emotions unfortunately affect us just as powerfully.. in a negative way.
These emotions are Loneliness.. and Rejection.
They are both creators of pain and confusion.. clarifiers of your true strength and humanity.. they make everything fall apart.. and come together at the same time.. They can be a complete road block on a sought after path.. and they can take your reason and logic.. and throw them out the window.

Mother Teresa said that, "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

"blessed are the curious for they shall have adventures." -lovelle drachman

Curiosity has brought us many incredible discoveries.
its cured illness.. landed us on the mooon.. created a way to get tan without the sun.. you know.. the big stuff..so in general.. curious people are adventurous people.. like the lovely Drachman said. People who wonder what things are like generally have the guts to find out. and.. in the process of seeking answers to questions.. they find their wildest adventures.
Alright. Riddle me this one Love-man. You never know unless you try? uh. how about curiosity killed the freakin cat.?!
When it comes to love....( mm hmm.. Big L stuff..).. are you the wildest explorer discovering new worlds and comin out on top with medals and states named after you.. or are you the cat that got curious and jumped off the cliff cuz tweetie bird did it and lived..?

I hate the dark. I am terrified of snakes. i'm scared of spiders. And the thought of being heartbroken makes me huddle into the fetal position.
Some are afraid of heights. Some are afraid of emotion in general.
Most people claim that they're afraid of love.
But when added up and stripped down.. heartbreak.. emotion.. love.. none of these things are reallllly the core issue. These things alone don't scare us.
The real fear here is loneliness. The fear of being or ending up alone.
Mother Teresa once said that "The greatest disease of the West today isn't tuberculosis or lepracy.... it's loneliness."
We stay far away from anything that we could potentially catch this contagious epidemic from.. in fear that..once exposed..it might be uncurable. That instead of being treated for it.. we'll be left to die.. and our bodies will be burned like they did with the plague. No love doctor has advanced enough technology or a big enough band-aid to relieve us of emptiness.

Loneliness can drive us to do crazy irrational things.. it can push us in unintended directions.. and it definitely can paralyze us past the point of disfunction.

Loneliness has killed.. driven people mad.. and kept people from well deserved happiness.
Man wasn't meant to be alone. thats why its a crock of crap when anyone says they dont want a relationship...
no. retard. you just want several.

One of my favorite people from my home ward was an older woman named Ruth. Ruth used to sit with me after our church meetings and tell me her wild stories about when she was my age and what a betty she was.
Her and her husband George had been married for 48 years. They met in highschool.. where she "made him chase her around like a puppy for 2 years until she would go with him".. But when they finally got together.. they never spent a day apart. They were married at 20. The funny part about it.. she would say.. was that growing up he always had called her 'sis' so she never thought of him as a boyfriend or someone she would go steady with. luckily he pulled his head out and saw what was in front of him.. and she 'did him a favor and married him'.
After 48 years of waffles and peanut butter for breakfast, tuesday drives, sunday walks around the block, and their weekly saturday chocolate banana shake - 2 straws.. complete with holding hands, snuggling on porch swings, and obviously people basking in their perfect story book old-people love that was THE most adorable thing on the face of the planet... George died of a sudden and unexpected stroke.
After the funeral i went to visit Ruth where.. even in a few days time.. she had aged tremendously. The once bubbly feisty lady that told of her trouble making days, was now this old woman in front of me.. sunken in a chair.. unaware of the things going on around her.
The ladies in our ward stocked her fridge with peanut butter and eggos.. offered to take her on walks.. and tried to visit as much as possible.. but every time we came over.. she sat in George's chair and focused on answering our questions.
5 months after George died.. healthy.. never had a health problem.. was gonna live to 120 Ruth.. followed him.
In the autopsy report, the doctor had no explanation to 68 year old Ruth that passed in her sleep. She had simply died of a broken heart. Her loneliness had consumed her.. until she finally joined her lost sailor at sea in the life after.


I feel like loneliness is very misunderstood.
When i lived in Texas.. i explored the difference between loneliness.. and being alone.
I was literally alone allll the time.. because i knew like 4 people in the state. But loneliness wasn't what i was constantly feeling. When i got lonely.. that was when i needed a pick-me-up-make-out-with-a-hot-guy moment. which definitely happened. but being alone didn't drive me to constant booty calls with dudes i met at walmart... It brought out times of curiosity and self discovery that were much needed at that time in my life. I was left to explore my own thoughts and wander in my wonder. But it didn't necessarily drive me crazy.
was it weird? yes. was it bad? no.
I equate loneliness to emptiness.. and being physically alone didn't make me feel empty.. it just made me feel alone.

There are people that loneliness is such a scary word.. that they don't even go to the bathroom alone in fear of massive earth quakes that could separate lovers. these are the people that you swear are dating one person.. and 10 minutes after they supposedly 'broke up' with this person.. they're in a new legitimate relationship..that they dub as 'wayy serious'..with someone else.... so basically these people are on crack. and have serious co-dependency issues. They love love. not people. they want to avoid emptiness.. so they fill their cup with whatever is available.

My friend Darcy wants a boyfriend SO.DANG.BAD.
It's all she talks about. thinks about. dreams about. it consumed her life. and the lives of all her friends that she guilt trips into setting her up with every boy they know.
We figured we'd have a single summer full of fun girls nights and finding boys that are nonexistent.. and she bailed. HARD. she heard the word single and ran for the hills!
All she wants is a relationship. Someone to fill the void that fills her.
She's beautiful.. she's smart. she's funny. she's not entirely crazy.. she has everything going for her.. so we can't figure out.. if she wants a boyfriend so bad.. then why doesn't she have one by now?
Her booty-call speed dial is the last 2 months of her call log.. and if she doesn't have a date every other day.. she has an anxiety attack.
remember how i said not ENTIRELY crazy..?
She's so focused on finding a husband.. that she's not taking the time to SEE a husband.
She wants so badly to be in a relationship.. that she doesn't take the time to settle into anyone or anything before she's on to the next thing.
She's filling her lonely disease with a placebo pill of instant gratification and only making herself sicker.
She's afraid of being alone.

Not gonna lie. i share Darcy's desire to have a boyfriend. but because i want one.. i dont want to get one.. just to have one. thats dumb.
She.. and I.. need to push off the lonely bug and everything will work out.
i'm convinced that the second Darcy DOESNT' want a boyfriend.. she'll get one.

Me and D suffer from different challenges..
i suffer from the 'fine how are you' disease.
How many times a day to we walk around to random strangers and say 'hey how are ya?'.. good how are you? good.'
This is the most unnecessary.. unproductive conversation of our day.

Think about this.
If you were to ask all of these people how they were.. and they were to answer you honestly.. you would think they were on drugs.
"Hey how are ya?"
".. ya know.. i've been feeling really sad because me and my boyfriend broke up and i'm fighting with my mom and my dog died and my parrot flew out the window this morning.. its been rough.. so i'm just under the weather.. not really up for anything exciting.."
uuh.. ok check out lady at Kroger... i'll take my groceries and go now.. i was just being polite you freak.

And when they don't feel up to par.. they feel like they need to explain themselves.. usually they go to the path of least resistance/controversy/the quickest way to end a convo....'i'm sick'.. seeeee yaaa.


Something that i'll confess that i shouldn't?
I think i'm sick all the time when i'm sad. or angry. or sad. or.. sad.
i can explain that i have a migraine much easier than I can explain some dumb emotion that even i dont understand.. so i stick with the 'fine how are you' disease.
if they had an 800mg sadness pill.. do you know how many cupboards would be FILLED with it?!

I like being tough. i dont like showing vulnerability.. or emotion.. or sadness. and so.. 'i'm fine how are you?'

Loneliness is feared so much that people would rather never love than love and get hurt.. or they're like Darcy.. and they love LOVE so much that they aren't ok alone.. ever!

This fear of loneliness leads to irrational behavior.. creating emotions that aren't as strong as we think.
Loneliness causes irrational behavior.. but its more of a passive irrationality. The person you are affecting in your lonely rant.. is yourself. for example.. bootycalls. who are you hurting here..? you. (wellll.. depending on how you look at it... either you.. or nobody at all).. if it makes you irrationally clingy... you are hurting yourself. If it drives you completely mad to the point of stalking... you need help. YOU need help. .. and once again the person you're hurting..and affecting.. is yourself.

Now we get to the last emotion in our powerful emotion trifecta.. Rejection.
Rejection is the most motivating of the 3...
It's the hardest to get over... the hardest to deal with.. and the most complicated.

rejection fuels a certain kind of fire in us that is addictive and destructive.
Every 'game' played in love feeds off of this fire.. the fear of rejection.. and the hard-to-deal-with state that being rejected puts someone in... the insecurities that rejection brings out and amplifies..and the attempt to hide the insecurities that are brought to the surface..

It's addictive in the fact that when someone is running away from you... you chase them.
Its destructive in that it builds love on the insecurities of someone.. if the love is ever built at all.. and its the hardest thing in the WORLD to get over!
Can you think of something worse than being unwanted?? no. it leaves you thinking that you weren't enough.. making you want to try harder.. thinking you can fix this rejected feeling by being better- or different.. when its the rejecTOR with the problem... NOT the rejectEE..

In an earlier post.. tool-mc-tool-face.. even said that to get a girl to fall for you.. you need to play them against each other.. make them compete for your affection.. these A-holes are playing into the ultimate fear of rejection.

My friend Ashley was in a Lizzie-Gordo relationship. Her and Tucker had been friends forever... when all the sudden it turned romantic one day. They kissed.. sparks flew.. and they declared their love for each other. i knoooww you want more details.. but this isn't the important part of the story... the REAL story starts after they started dating....
The one person that had known Ashley forEVER.. started telling her that he 'didn't love her and he didn't know why'... that he 'wanted to' but he just couldn't.
This started the fear-of-rejection-fire in Ashley and made her want to do everything in her power to 'help' tucker love her.
After dating for a couple months.. Tucker broke up with Ashley because he didn't want to be with her.. and ended this life-long friendship out of the blue.
Ashley felt more deeply rejected than she ever had been.. because Tucker knew everything about her.. and still he didn't want her. She felt like if HE couldn't love her.. NOBODY could..
After that Ashley built up her romantic feelings for Tucker in her mind to the ultimate extent... (in all honesty.. when they were IN the relationship.. we never really thought Ash was into it that way...but because he didn't WANT her... she sure as heck wanted him back!!)
They dated maaayybe 3 months.. before that she had had WAAAY longer relationships than that.. several were like year-long-loves... but she had never been rejected so badly.. making this heartbreak rank WAAAAY above the rest.

Why do we always want what we can't have? ... its this WEIRD rejection fire!!! i tell you!.. once it's started... its ADDICTING.. and DESTRUCTIVE!!!

We need to step back from this trifecta of powerful emotions and get them in check.
I kid you not.. no exaggeration.. they will completely run your life if you let them.
Fill your life with love.. you wont regret it.

Don't be afraid of loneliness.. its temporary. Don't let it lead you into rash relationships and pointless bootycalls.. assess the relationships that your constantly getting into... are the REAL-ationships? or something and someone filling a void in your life.

And finally.. avoid the feeling of rejection. I know you can't help or avoid rejection itself.. its actually pretty inevitable in this dumb dating game we're stuck in.. but don't let it run your life. if someone isn't smart enough to recognize how amazing you are.. don't be stupid enough to stay with them.. or to want them.. These dumb people that are messing with you are fueling your insecurities.. and using them against you to make you love them more.
As hard as it is... don't be the dog chasing the car.. cuz once you get it.. you wont want it! Run after something that runs along side with you.. not from you!

Don't be afraid to be curious.. but go for adventurous curiosity.. don't go jump off cliffs thinking your invincible.. be smart. recognize the wolves in sheeps' clothing.. and let LOVE be the only powerful emotional influence in your life.

until later!
xoxox
-Callymon

. Happily Never After .

There once was a heart that decided
to never let love get it down
to never give up or fall in to
something that would make it frown

This heart started out like a tough guy
shutting all out that wanted its key
determined to never find out just
how lonely a love lost could be

It twisted and turned from commitment
it ran from the faintest of sparks
it stifled the fires and ended
all love before it could start

and then came the hearts perfect soul mate
that broke down its walls in a flash
it fought it at first then gave into
something they thought had to last

so deeper and deeper the heart fell
not looking back hoping for more
no one could've warned this heart enough
about what fall it had in store

one day the heart woke up in panic
with nothing but memories to spare
the soul mate changed its mind now and broke
the promise they'd always be there

The heart was left now in pieces
tasting what life could be with a friend
that loves you with everything they have
and promises never to end

the hearts sworn off feelings engulfed it
the ones it swore it would avoid
it never wanted that feeling
to come again loving a boy

it tried and it tried to move on past
the soul mate that ran from their life
but the more the heart tried to be tough now
the more that no love could suffice

the broken heart picked up the pieces
the soul mate came back in their eyes
determined to crack what they'd fixed now
to tell them more promising lies

the heart had enough off the mind games
they sent the soul mate out the door
being stronger than they'd ever been now
finally wanting what love had in store

the hearts eyes were opened to new things
and walls weren't rebuilt in that fear
of losing the ones that would pass through
the hearts eyes til real love appeared

the broken heart club has its members
increasing by hundreds each day
all convinced that their soul mate
is the one they just watched walk away

Happily never after
Becomes happily never again
Not a matter of if love will find you
It's only a matter of when

So never be sad over broken
a remodel or two's for the best
dont shut down because of a crack-head
and not let your heart love the rest

...no more rhyming i mean it!!
.. anybody wanna peanut..?
i rhyme. for a living. i apologize. annnnywho.

There's a difference between a great love and the right love.
Since school has undoubtably taken over my life.. i've fallen behind on my Gossip Girl. Something no girl should EVER do! The final episode did the unthinkable. i cried. literally. tears came out of my eyes.. they're still flowing!
If you don't watch the show.. first off shame on you.. let me fill you in.
Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass have been meant to be together since the show STARTED. 4 seasons... many love triangles and head- spinning schemes later.. you're STILL team chuck and blair.. thats just the way it goes.
They know each other's sparkly sides.. dark sides.. dull sides.. and basically have been through every single thing 2 people could ever go through.. hand in hand. You know how i've explained the 'all powerful couple' of Brad and Angelina? .. Blair and Chuck were BETTER! They took mind games to an art form and still could see each other through all of them.
Well. Final Episode.. Blair gets engaged. to.. NOT CHUCK. yes.. homeboy is the prince of Monaco or something but still... NOT CHUCK BASS! WTChuck?!
Several times through out the episode you think.. yes i love that blair is happy with Louis.. (her prince).. but there's no way she wont end up with chuck.

At the end of the longest 42 minutes of my LIFE.. Blair and Chuck say goodbye forever. They recognize that together they have been incredible.. outrageously adventurous.. bad for each other.. the only thing for each other.. and even 'right' at one point in their romance. But just because they had a 'great' love.. doesn't mean they had the 'right' love.
Holy hit home gossip girl.
did i mention i cried? yes. i cried.
Chuck realizes that for blair to be the best blair that she can be.. she has to be with someone else. They recognize that they will always love each other.. and then BAM. its over.

In our lives we'll love many people. We'll be able to experience a lot of realllly GREAT love. Each one bringing us something new.. each one igniting something new in us we didn't know was there..

My friend Christine just got out of a relationship. go figure.. it's like the hectic 'find your soul mate' race is making people drop faster than the economy. She unfortunately fell into the heartbreak group of our 'non stagnant relationship' movement..
Her and Charlie were every bit as picturesque as Blair and Chuck. They drove each other crazy.. understood each others weaknesses.. embraced the bad parts of one another.. and always rooted for the others overall happiness. They were perfect. But. low and behold.. they weren't right.

In the movie 'Hancock'.. you have Hancock and his woman.
They were literally made to be together.
BUT.. the closer they get.. the less powerful they get.. and the more mortal they become.. obviously giving them the ability to die.
When they're together.. people try harder and harder to destroy them.. cuz people don't like to see other people happy.. (and they're super hero's and every hero comes with a villain that wants to blow him up). This whole.. become mortal thing definitely becomes a problem.

Hancock's lady recognizes that she has to be happy with someone else if she wants to live. period. so.. she falls in love with the costume maker dude with the kid.

Hancock and his woman were LITERALLY made for each other! Just like Blaire and Chuck.. JUST like Christine and Charlie.. Just like soo many other couples out there that don't work out. Why doesn't it work?

You can make a lot of people happy... so my newest dillema in life is..
Who decides if its happily ever after... or happily never after..?
What makes that distinction? If you can make virtually anyone happy.. and anyone can make YOU happy.. then why the heck isn't everyone in the world in happy.. healthy.. successful relationships?! are we really just screwing with forever..? Do we not understand the concept of happiness..? do we not want it? are we just too lazy to find it? to get it? to hold on to it?

My best friend Madi had a fairytale romance once upon a time.
Her and her boyfriend Justin had this 'made for each other' stamp over their heads.. marriage was inevitable. everyone knew it. we were just waiting for it.
Well... one day, they decided that they weren't happy. and that things just weren't 'right'.
They refused to call it a timing issue because they didn't want to hold on to something that they may not have again.. but they didn't like saying it was completely over.. because how were they supposed to completely say goodbye when nothing really happened? Nothing caused this catastrophic break up.. just doubt. just a 'feeling' that they needed to break up.

So they called it quits. and literally stopped talking in fear of getting back together.
a couple months later.. this exact question popped into Madi's head... who decided it wasn't right with her and Justin? Who made the distinction between 'not right' and 'not right now'?

Since they had only called it off on account of rain.. the skies could turn blue again right?
3 weeks ago.. Madi came to me bawling to relay the phone conversation between them...

The basic.. hey.. how ya been's.. small talk... and catching up with each other's families and dying pets...
and then she asked him to 'catch up'... the classic 'we need to go to lunch and catch up soon! its been forever!'
His reply?
"Mads.. it really is good talking to you.. but we both know if we go to lunch we're only gonna wanna see more of each other.. and talk more.. and that would just be bad. We have too much history.. we'd be too tempted to get back together.. i really think you're a great girl.. but you're not my wife madi.. we already decided that. there's no point."

Hence.. the crying uncontrollably.
What she had taken as.. screw 'fate' i'm taking this 'everything happens for a reason' crap into my OWN hands... he had taken as.. 'its a sign! it didn't work out ONCE.. why should we ever talk again?!'

We all get this idea in our minds of the rest of our lives.. this picture perfect world we each want to live in.. and we ignore everything that we feel doesn't fit into this perfect mold.

Should we have standards and expectations for our future? abso-friggin-lutely. we should all want to and strive to live up to our highest expectations.
but when it comes to love... why is it that so many guys these days are claiming ..'she's great!.. but she's not my wife..' HOW THE FREAK DO YOU KNOW THAT HOMIE?!
No girl is going to treat you like you're her husband... until you're her husband.
If you are perfect for one another... then where exactly is the problem?


I'm talking to waaaayy too many girls in dysfunctional relationships with guys that dont appreciate them.. take them for granted.. and then claim randomly one day that 'its not right'.. and 'they're not happy'.. THEN.. instead of breaking things off COMPLETELY with the girl.. leaving her in peace.. ALONE with her chocolate and man-hating-taylor-swift-songs.. he continues to make sure he shows up in her life repeatedly cuz he knows this way she'll NEVER.GET.OVER.HIM.
He sees her according to his own convenience and then leaves her again and again.. making her resort to her break-up-chocolate-cake that we all know is easily 65000 calories.. over and OVER again.
Studying the gender rolls in our society is not only baffling... its suuuuper annoying.
girls tend to ALWAYS be waaaay too patient. and guys tend to take waaaayyy too much time to realize that happiness.. once found.. shouldn't be questioned.

all these guys are getting out of relationships to live the single life.. they're desperate to go on dates with new hot chicks.. when they just trampled over REAL love with someone that cared about them more than any bimbo they're dating now ever will.


I believe in fate. you know me.. i'm a happily ever after kind of girl.
but i also believe that people are SCREWING WITH IT.
all i ask is that you actually THINK about your love life right now..
is it 'not right'? 'not right now'? or are you just wasting your time and her patience and tears because your retarded?
if its not right.. let the poor girl/boy GO!!
if its not right now.. you MAY want to consider how friggin CRAPPY your treating your future husband/wife..
and if you're wasting time.. i'm gonna beat chu. cuz thats dumb.

i know i've said this before.. but you have to realize that your future.. is in YOUR hands! YOU personally are making the decisions that are shaping your forever. YOU were given the moral agency and right to be happy.. and its your own fault if your not.

in the wedding date.. Nick (the hottie patottie) says that every one has the exact love life that they want.
kat then replies 'you think i WANT to be single and miserable?!'.. to her surprise.. Nick answers 'Yes. when you're ready to be un-single and un-miserable... you will be'.

If you've recently gone through a break up.. my heart.. along with the rest of the broken heart club is with you.. i'm sorry.. the right person will come into your life.. dont shut down because some jerk made you his doormat.. go find a prince.. and make the no-good-broke your heart-..dude.. wish he was dead.

Don't let ANYTHING keep you from love... not pride.. not fear.. not a douchey ex that refuses to let you be happy and move on..

Realize whats going on in your life.. and hold yourself accountable for your own unhappiness. If you dont like something about your facebook relationship status... then CHANGE IT!
No story will end with happily never after unless YOU let it...
if its not happy.. then its not the end.


Until Later xoxox
-callymon

.. Not so Pure Intentions ..

ok. first off. i know i haven't blogged in like a year. so. its good to be back. i apologize.

People always focus on the fact that they had good intentions.. even when things go wrong.. or not the way that they planned.. as long as they MEANT well.. then they assume they're fine.
I'm glad they have an intention- meter.. a bank of good thoughts and plans that they can cash in when they're called the names that they deserve. cuz after i'm done.. that will be the only thing that can save them.
The problem is.. we can't read minds. we can only read actions and reactions.. we read results. we measure progress not from thought.. but from moving forward from one point to another.
They don't give medals to the people that THOUGHT they crossed the finish line first... they give them to the people that ACTUALLY cross it first.
The problem with relationships and love.. is, how do you measure physical things.. or steps.. in a relationship? i mean ya.. i've gone through the.. "friends.. to kind of dating.. to exclusive.. to fb official" list.. But as an actual measure of affection, how do you determine how someone feels about you? And how do you show someone else how you feel about them clearly.. without having to say it? Do we have the "bases" of love? No. someone could be steeling second when the other person thinks they haven't even hit the ball yet.
Last night i was talking to one of my friends, Nick. We were talking about the classic "insert kiss here" moments. How and when do you know if you should go in for the kill..?
I explained to him that you'd have to be STUPID not to know.. girls will definitely let you know when they want you to kiss them!! They put the vibe out there.. and wait for you to pick it up and make it happen! I went OFF on how "the signs are there".. "there is no neutral ground".. thinking i was schooling him.. when he stopped me.. and told me.. that when it came time to kiss me.. (mind you.. we hung out for a YEAR before he kissed me because we were such good friends).. i was completely on neutral ground!! How i didn't send him ANY vibes.. i made him do it all on his own.. and he felt like he was taking a stab in the dark because i was indifferent either way! I sent the vibe that i would totally kiss him back.. but if it didn't happen then we could still be great homies.. and uh.. HELLO... A YEAR?! ya. my bad. i was chastised.

And what happens when you think someone is way into you.. and then all the sudden.. they're not? or they make you look and feel like a fool because you read their intentions wrong?


They'll put out a vibe.. a COMPLETE vibe.. not even a little wave.. but a legit.. earth shattering VIBE.. and then flips it on you? claiming it was her that didn't read him correctly.
I call it.. light the fuse and walk away.

Guys feel like they have the right to pursue you.. while pursuing other people.. leaving any sort of title completely out of the picture to keep themselves unaccountable for their uncertain.. high school feelings of never wanting to settle down... leading you on JUST enough to make YOU not want to screw things up by hanging out or kissing someone else.. but not enough to bring up a DTR (define the relationship) even on the smallest scale in fear that its YOUR fault.. that YOU read THEM wrong.. and to avoid an awkward situation..

This guy Preston was pursuing the CRAP out of my friend Jamie.
we looove how boys come home off their LDS missions and want to jump into anything serious that they can get their hands on.. mm hmm...
So.. preston came home.. and claimed that all he wanted to be..was with Jamie. he wanted HER and NO ONE else. she didn't even have to READ between anything! it was all there in the literature!
So.. even being skeptical.. this dude confessed his love for her.. whats she gonna do? say no? uh.. no. she was in love with the guy. so.. they start dating.. when all the sudden he starts to get sketchy.
When he claimed he wanted to date other people.. but he STILL only wanted to be with Jamie.. she encouraged it! She wanted him to go and date.. to get what she had been doing for 2 years.. out of his system. But. in the mean time.. she obviously went on dates too.
After the second date she went on with someone else.. he flipped. he couldn't handle it.. he HAD to be with her!! so he came crawling back.. claiming that "she was the only one.." and "he couldn't and WOULDN'T share her!". which. ok. she was fine with. once again.. dude.. in front of her.. confessing his love. she took it.
so they went like this for about a month later.. when all the sudden.. he wanted to date other people again... so. being understanding (more than she should've been) she.. once again.. encouraged it. after a couple weeks.. the same thing happened.
you see the cycle.
So. after one of their "on periods" they decided to break up.. cuz uh.. she found out that he had been cheating on her.. but didn't want to say anything.. so they claimed the all- indifferent- non confrontational- classic - "its just not right".. when CLEARLY it wasn't right cuz uh.. duh.. he was a dip-crap.
during their all-epic-3-hour-break-up.. he started telling her that he was sorry that he just was never ready to be in this relationship with her.. and that she was just pushing him too much to be with her.. and he just wanted to take things slow..
ok. WAIT. WHAT? after HE had been the one to bring EVERY ounce of relationship crap up.. all the sudden it was HER fault that they moved too fast? when alllll she did was encourage him to date other people...?
The worst part of it all? she believed him!! she started thinking it was her fault.. that she shouldn't have been so down his throat about being with her.. but even when she told us the story.. she couldn't explain WHY it was her fault..? the manipulative little piece of crap just FLIPPED it on her! he lit the fuse.. and walked away.. leaving her confused.. and alone.

Jamie.. this was NOT your fault. JUST because he's telling people now that you were the one pushing things.. doesn't' make it true. The problem with preston is... he TOLD you his intentions were one thing.. and then he really truly WANTED another thing..
you need to take the ball and put it back in YOUR court. don't let him make you feel insecure and like YOU ruined the relationship, you didn't! even when you broke up.. you have to realize that it wasn't "just not right".. HE wasn't right. THATS why it didn't work out!
You have to remind yourself that you wanted things to end because HE CHEATED ON YOU. it was in no way his decision! he just walked away making you feel like YOU were the one that just got dumped.
Stay strong. and remember the facts. the truth remains. he's a douche.

My friend Alison started hanging out with this guy Brock..
he seemed like he was way into it.. he was super flirty.. he always wanted her to come over and hang out.. they cuddled.. they went on dates.. but they hadn't kissed yet and she couldn't figure out why..
When you saw them together.. it looked like they were a couple.. They frequently went on long soul-bearing drives.. and all looked promising..
but he would not for the life of him.. make a move!!
She didn't know what to do.. or how to call him out on it.. she didn't even know if it was her place to say anything at ALL... so she came here.. to callymon.blogspot.

The problem is.. there are nice guys.. and there are wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Both are equally hard to read.. cuz a 'nice guy'.. can sometimes be interpreted as a 'friendly guy' or a 'pursuer'. You are left with a couple different situations...
Sometimes its in the literature.. that if he wanted to make something happen.. he would've made it happen.. and he's only interested in friendship.
Sometimes.. he just doesn't know what he wants.. so he rides that line of.. do what you can get away with.. without having to put a title or even status on anything. He does this so he can guiltlessly still date other people without ever having to own up to leading you on.. he does this so he can ALWAYS fall back on the fact that 'you read him wrong'. its retarded. but its the truth.
and sometimes.. the friendship that you've developed with this guy.. (i'm assuming you guys are good friends from the time you've spent together) is EXACTLY whats holding him back..

like my case with Nick.. uh.. DUH i wanted him to kiss me.. i had wanted him to kiss me for like 9 months of the year that we hung out with each other.. but because our friendship had gotten so strong.. he didn't want to jeopardize anything. and apparently i was compLETELY retarded and didn't give him enough material to work with.. so he didn't know if i was down.. If he had gone in for the kill.. and i hadn't wanted it.. then our friendship would've been put in an awkward situation. you see the dilemma.
the truth from my side.. is once he didn't kiss me in the beginning.. i really was down to be just friends. we didn't have to kiss for our friendship to be bomb.com.. so i left it where it was.. and i wasn't about to put out the vibes and milk the 'insert kiss here moments' like i would've with someone ELSE... cuz i was worried about the same thing.. what if he didn't WANT to kiss ME? then i would look like a fool.

calling someone out.. even non-verbally.. can be tricky. it definitely caters to each specific instance.
if you're good enough friends that you can joke about it.. push the envelope a little bit.. lay more bait out there and see if he's just being a chicken and he finally picks up on it..

if you've put it out there.. and he STILL hasn't' done anything about it... then you're dealing with a tool. keep him as a friend.. and move on in your love life. then. if he has feelings for you... guys want.. what other guys want.. and maybe it'll spark something in him.
challenge his comfortability.. and his clearly cocky attitude.. if he thinks that YOU don't want HIM.. then maybe he'll finally come after you!

The maturity of guys will ALWAYS mess with us... they ALL go through the 'light the fuse and walk away' phase.. the trick is catching one of them when they get OUT of it.
I honestly don't believe that there is no hope for humanity. i believe that all guys grow out of their retardedness eventually! sometimes they just need periods of being 'big man on campus' and 'playa playa with all their friends worshiping them'.. and then they come around. some later than others.. but patience is the key. Not with any one of them in particular of course...
they do you wrong? you screw them and move on! but be patient with the species in general. They'll come around. You'll find one ready to handle women in general soon i promise. and if not?
i know people.. that know people.. that know people.. that have uncles.. that break knee caps. let me know.

Intentions are great. but its action that determines futures. take some action.. and make your future happen.
For its not who we are.. but what we DO that defines us.

Until Later! xoxox
-Callymon

(modified obviously.. goodness people. you baffle me.)