.. The Ex Girlfriends Club ..

Every once upon a time.. after a long (or not so long) journey.. quest.. and chain of dramatic events.. every beginning.. will end one of 2 ways.. happily ever after.. or The End.
Every relationship you will ever get into whether its puppy love or not.. will end in the same one of two ways... you will either break up.. or get married. There is no alternative. And since most people only do the marriage thing ONCE.. most people end up with a roster of people dubbed 'EX' in their little black books.
Some rosters have the numbers of a golf team.. or a quartette.. others could easily fill an NFL football team.. or an entire high school.
In this blog we talk alot about the different aspects of love and relationships.. how to get in them.. what to do while you're in them.. how to get out of them.. what to do once you're out of them..
Today we're gonna talk about what we ACTUALLY do when we get out of the relationships that don't end in happily ever after.. or at least the ones that haven't ended there so far.. The ones we feel are still being written.. or the ones we've torn the last page out of because we didn't like the way it was written.


There's a fine line between crazy and sane... between stalker and pursuer.. insane and brilliant.. right and wrong.. hopelessly devoted and patiently waiting.. no and not now.. are you freaking insane and aaww that's cute.. between aaahh and aawwww..
Many people flirt shamelessly with this line... especially the insanely attractive and swagged out playa g's you don't think to question.
While you're dating these crack addicts.. you don't seem to notice the on-the-fence behavior so much.. its when you break up that alllll the fun stuff gets revealed.

We've all had a version of this conversation with ourselves.....
"I dont like to think of myself as a professional facebook stalker... i like to look at it as strategic.. resourceful.. and practicing a future as a personal investigator for the FBI. I have to build a resume SOME how right? why not start with the sketchy chicks my ex is now dating?"
or
"stalking isn't the word... i'm simply running into him in a premeditated way... if i HAPPEN to show up to the party he said he was going to on his wall... its one of those 'fate' things. we were TOTALLY meant to see each other tonight!..i just have to PLAN these 'accidental run-ins' so that i'm wearing my best lou buttons and my hair is curled... duh."

The flaws in our society become more and more apparent as all of you involuntarily nod your heads in agreement.
See when we're dating someone.. assuming there's mutual trust there.. all our strategy and cunning planning gets put in a cupboard to gather dust until one day that lying cheating son of a duck does you wrong and you get to whip it out again. The longer the relationship was.. the more deprived you've been of the personal and thrilling drama of it all.. and the stronger your black ops mission senses kick in.

Getting out of relationships is hard for everyone. No matter the maturity level.. Everyone gets jealous. No matter how well they hide it.. everyone gets sad. its just the way love works. When these unfortunate relationships take the happily never after turn.. you're faced with another fork in the road.
It then becomes either.. 'this one jerk i dated'.. that you get over and move on from.. still secretly braggin to your friends that you slayed him/her cuz they're so attractive but they're 'SOOO not your type'.... or.. they become like the fly paper that's unbearably.. unIMAGINABLY sticky that you just can't seem to let go! They either become another marble in the jar.. or become the hemp bracelet you never take off.

If you're able to live and let go.. then you probably still do these things.. you just aren't intentionally ruining their lives in the process..
If you swear you're still supposed to be with that person and you can't bear the thought of them with someone else.... yaaa... you do it on purpose.

There are a couple different ways that these situations are handled..
The Black Widow.. and the silent but deadly.

first... the BLACK WIDOW technique. (cue mission impossible music)


I swear the government needs to catch on and develop an all female unit.. the Women in Black... the Black Widows.. that be creepin in yo windows.. snatchin yo hunnies up.. hide yo potential wives.. hide ya friendddss.. hide yaa blog.. they stalkin everyone up herrr.
ok. no. not every ex is a crazy stalker.
women.. and men.. just become conveniently very resourceful in times of need. its a survival tactic.
But in all seriousness.. government... take note. all. female. unit. they would handle their business like no one you've ever seen!! i mean yaa guys can be all... rawwrrrr.. jealous.. and punch something.. but you mess with our personal lives? and we mess you UP! i'm talkin psychologically.. emotionally... physically... psychotically. it goes DOWN! It gets personal.

You know the hard thing about living in general..? anywhere.. and everywhere you go, you bounce from bubble to bubble. the once 6 degrees of separation.. have become 2.. and our black ops widows use this to their advantage...

Even without facebook, before you date someone you know everything about them.. what their number was on the kissing rating list.. who've they've dated.. who they've cheated on.. who they cheated with... you get the run down from friends that know friends that are 'looking out for you'... Everyone knows everyone.. everyone's dated everyone.. in one way or another.. You've entered a bubble.
This is why when you break up.. and pop the bubble.. or damage something inside of the bubble..stirrrrr the bubble a little bit.. Everyone knows about it.
Suddenly your ex becomes friends with EVERY. SINGLE. ATTRACTIVE. PERSON. that you would EVER date... and you can't even call them out on it!!
You come to realize that, with how small the world is.. you are no longer the only mutual friend between your ex and your new potential hook up. in other words.. you're screwed.

Once your ex hones in on the 'code book'.. girl-code.. guy-code.. whatever... they can pull the code on your entire LIFE.. banishing you from any circle they run in because 'how could anyone do that to their new best friend?'.

Guys form fraternities sworn to never date ex's.. screwing over any girl..and all her friends.. that have dated any of the 35 guys that have now suddenly become best friends.

The other side of this.. well. not even the other side.. its just a special division of the club... are.. the 'SILENT BUT DEADLY'.

These are the unnaturally attractive ex's that make sure you see them every place possible so that they can never fully leave your system. They hang out with your friends.. they are in a position where your family would gladly trade you for them... they leave all the pictures up on fb of you two.. making it appear that you guys haven't skipped a beat.
The ultimate c.block. t.block. whatever... they make sure girls.. and guys.. don't wanna get involved.

They stamp 'its complicated' all OVER your relationship without ever having to really say anything!
They also use this 2 degree of separation rule... but they use it to keep the fire and gossip about you two alive! When asked how you guys are.. instead of replying that you had a big hard break up... they leave the mystery of it all out in the open with lines like.. 'i never know with him'..... 'you know how we are..'.... or better yet.. 'eh.. we'll be fine.'
Who wants to fight a ghost? nobody! so people stay OUT of it!!

The fine line that we talked about earlier is weaved in and out of... crossing and uncrossing.. only really forcing every ex out there to land on one side of it.. when their story comes to its own happy ending.
If two people end up together because one was being stupid... it all ends in sanity and roses.
If they end up apart... they are placed in a creepy creepy scrap book that they burn on their wedding day of all those ex's that 'one time did...'

If two people ARE supposed to be together.. all the games are stupid and will be laughed at.
If one person can't rid themselves of the sticky flypaper they've attached themselves too.. sorry charlie you wont get the last laugh... you will be laughed at.

I know you want a big relationship evaluation and MAD advice after this lovely post...
but my advice?

I'm not gonna tell you to man up and get over someone... the healing process is a WHOLE separate other blog.. i'll tell you HOW to get over someone later.. But while you're in this phase of 'not over someone'.. cuz yes. this black ops stuff does mean you're not over them... check where you're at on the spectrum... what side of the fence you lie on..We alllll do at least some of it! If you're now realizing that you're a bit too obvious.. go watch some CSI/Criminal Minds.. put on mission impossible and invest in some sly glasses. mayyybe even.. heaven forbid.. ease up on the stalking.. friending.. and scheming.
If you are 'way too mature for this' then good for friggin you.. you in denial son of a duck.
we know that you're the worst of all of us. you're silent but fatal.

A rule i live by? If you have to tell someone you ARE then you AREN'T...
- friendly..
- smart..
- attractive..
- amazing..
- in shape..
- talented..
- over someone..

If you have to convince someone that you ARE.. then clearly you are not.
Just BE.. and you will be eventually. Dont worry about putting on a show.
You dont have to be over someone and frankly its nobody's business whether you are or aren't. But ruining people's lives isn't nice. so don't do that. be in the bubble.. but not of the bubble. It's a small enough world as it is.
Be your best you.. and there's no way that anyone could NOT miss you.

Until later! xoxo
-Callymon

..Security Breach..

I'll start out by saying that if you want a happily ever after.. stop reading this.
If you want one of my fun stories that start with an awkward couple meant to be.. and ends with fireworks and goodnight kisses.. this isn't the blog for you.
This love story doesn't end well..
is it helpful..? yes. insightful..? yes. Will it give you new perspective? i think so.
But there are no fireworks tonight. Fireworks don't show in rainstorms. No sweeping off of feet and landing in prince charming's arms in the last second. I'll warn you about this story full of walls and flaws and coming to look at yourself in the mirror for who you are.. and who you always wanted to be.. or who and what you always thought you would be.

People pay a lot of money to feel secure. Look at all the guys these countless blogs make fun of.. that make bank roll selling.. just that... guaranteed security.. security systems. systems that make you feel safe. like nothing can hurt you. How do you even put a price on that?
Exactly. so people fork out the cash and put the state of the art systems into their homes.

If you could guarantee security and safety to your heart.. it would be priceless.
We search for the 'state of the art' defense systems to protect us... and we at least have a bat handy at all times.. just in case.
We all have our defense mechanisms.

Before i really get into it.. i'll apologize.. i know this blog is kinda all over the place.. if you've made it this far.. just bear with me.


I have an extremely high pain tolerance level.
It takes a lot to make me cry.. feel uncomfortable.. or at least show that i'm uncomfortable.. my camel's back can hold a dang lot of straws.

When i was a senior in high school (so aaages ago right..) i hurt myself cheerleading which lead to the first major surgery in my life - a knee surgery. This surgery and recovery taught me a lot about who and what good ol callymon was made of. When i was put out for the surgery my body accepted the general anesthetic.. but as soon as it was time to wake up.. instead of going through the crazy.. groggy.. out of it phase.. i was UP! 2 minutes later i was crackin jokes with the nurse.. asking about things i had missed that i needed to make up in school.. all the time complaining that my knee hurt pretty dang bad.
Being a glorified legalized drug dealer.. the nurse started giving me morphine in my IV.. when nothing happened.. and i still felt pain.. like.. just as much pain as before getting blood-fed heroine.. she gave me more. Each time, after she shot me up.. waiting for me to drift off into oblivion. Waiting patiently for my head to SLAM into my pillow. My pain never changed.
After giving me enough morphine to - as she said - 'put me in a coma for 3 days' she decided to call it quits.. what a doll.
After getting home.. the same process happened with my pain meds. At first, i knnnoww my mom didn't believe me when i told her that my pain wasn't even dulled a LITTLE bit when i took the Loritab and the Perkiset.. but after the first day.. i just didn't take any more.

I have a high pain TOLERANCE level.. which means.. i can FEEL juuust as much pain as everyone else.. i just handle it differently. If i just didn't feel pain.. that would be fantastic. But the fact that i take it.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.. now THAT just makes me a freak.
I find this to be my biggest fault. The biggest obstacle and flaw in life.

Because when it comes to relationships.. not just love relationships.. i mean relationships with human beings... i have an extremely high pain tolerance level. I take the pain and crap that people dish out.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.

I haven't always been this way. There was definitely a time when i was a cry baby.. i mean maybe i was a crack addict cry baby that morphine didn't work on.. but at least emotionally i was a vulnerable feminine wuss that let people do things for me.. that would cry when i got hurt and build walls and beds of egg shells for my heart to remain boxed in by - easily broken.. easily replaced. I used to be normal. an emotional roller coaster. i used to be ok with being weak. Now i have a body-builder heart.
and you know when you get reallllly fit.. or realllllly skinny and its hard mentally to ever be anything else? Like once you hit that point of your peak.. anything else makes you feel inadequate and .. weak..? Once you build rock solid walls around your life.. and your heart.. and your mind... big thick sheets of concrete replaced by egg shells make you feel naked. Once you've been hurt.. you're determined to never be hurt again.

I look at vulnerability as a weakness. I blame our society - in part.

Look at the dumb dating games that we have to play in order to get into what we call 'functional relationships..'
When you start talking to someone - not even to the 'dating' phase yet.. you have to worry about seeming needy.. whiney.. too interested.. too invested.. too 'there for them'.. cuz then.. jelllooo.. you get 'stage 5 clinger status'. If you text someone back too quickly you're immediately ruled out because you seem desperate.. if you don't play 'hard to get' then you are walked all over and tossed out with the morning trash.

We all battle every day for the upper hand. My problem is that i can give advice to others all day and say 'dont do this'.. 'dont play games they're dumb'.. when in reality.. in life in GENERAL.. not just my love life.. if some sort of 'game' isn't played.. i act like every other tool out there and move right along!
We've been mentally conditioned to seek approval from those who dont give it easily..
we've been evolutionized into thinking that we have to put up with it.. and we feed each other the same crap. we're all eating off the same plate.. all drinking the same bong water.. and nobody will put a stop to it!

I look at people that have other people help them with their problems as incompetent. Any sign of weakness and i pity them for not having the b- guts to man up and handle their business.
I shut others out. i speak my mind. and i SUCK at being a chick.

i'm like the big robot monster on the Incredibles.. in the movie.. for all of you that are retarded and dont watch the best movies available.. this monster learns from each person it defeats. It gets stronger and stronger with each fall.. teaching itself how to never fall the same way twice.
I look at relationships that fail.. people that fail in areas of their lives.. and learn from them. teaching myself to never fall the way they fell. whether its to their hands and knees.. or in love.
There's enough disfunction in the world to keep me pretty daaang busy trying to fix myself into a bomb shelter thick environment so that nothing and no one will ever hurt me.

It would be really easy for me to go into a well known.. well rehearsed monologue that many dramatic girls give about.. be alone.. its easier.. or.. you're better off with out him.. whoever 'him' happens to be.. a boyfriend.. an ex.. a figure in your life that let you down.. a dream that got the best of you.. stand strong.. chicks rule.. pounding my chest with one hand.. other fist in the air.. with a girl-power t-shirt on..
I could tell you tough girls to never fall in love.
The ones that have trouble letting past relationships go because for some reason they eat pain with their cornflakes.. to just forget it.
I could tell you boys to avoid us chicks that vulnerability scares. That we're long lost hopeless cases.... hopelessly devoted to something that was never ours.

But i'm not going to.

We don't need to be alone.. we need someone tougher than us to come in with a bulldozer and force us to knock our dang bomb shelter walls down. We need to realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people.. and that not everything in life is our fault. Sometimes things just happen.
Some things happen that you're not SUPPOSED to fix. Some things go wrong that have nothing to do with your life.

I have a friend named Miranda that, like me, has an extremely high emotional pain tolerance level.
She has taken crap from the same guy for a year and a half. He hurts her.. she goes back for more.. he hurts her again.. she blames herself.. and goes back again.
She's like a boxer without gloves.. going into a ring with someone 3 times her weight class.. in heels.. getting WORKED.. rubbin some dirt in it.. and getting back in there for more. It's just illogical.
Miranda grew up with a mom that was tough as nails. Her shambled marriage affected miranda in the fact that she stuck with it for a while. Like Miranda.. she took the blows in the ring.. and ate pain for breakfast. Miranda was hand fed this mentality of love and slowly started building her own callus. 5 years ago.. her mom got divorced. Because of the scarlet D carved into her moms chest.. she too took a big red sharpie and drew one on her own.. thinking that all relationships in her life were bound to end the same way. She would take the pain.. handle life on her own.. never back down..make her own success.. be her own companion.. and come out a winner.

It doesn’t have to work that way. Dysfunction is not genetic. Vulnerability isn't bad.
Just because we will do it ourselves.. doesn't mean we WANT TO... men! are you listening?!

Just because we've built these walls ready for the atomic bomb doesn't mean we don't wanna snuggle inside of them! We want to be loved and held and treated like a woman the same way a whiney.. needy.. vulnerable chick does!

I know i talk to a very select group when i address chicks that suck at being chicks...
but girls... if you're listening.. reading.. whatever.. please take this into consideration.

Everything that has broken you down.. broken your spirit.. and made you build this callus towards men and towards love.. let them make you better.. and stronger.. not tougher.
Don't be a wall that no one can break down. Don't shut off those feelings. and don't look at femininity as a weakness.
Men fill their roll. and as women we fill ours. As much as i try and avoid it.. i want to be taken care of. I want to be the chick in a relationship. i want that state of the art emotional security system on my heart.

Cuz break it down...

When it comes down to it.. when you actually GET in a relationship with someone.....
would you rather have someone needy? or distant?
Would you rather have someone that WANTED to talk to you all the time? or someone that could care less if you texted them back??
Do you really WANT the upper hand with your future relationships? This epic status and way of thinking that we've all strived to achieve and maintain is counterproductive and mind-screwing!!

You boys that think you want a tough chick... have made tough chicks out of wimps.. that are afraid to be anything but on their guard 24/7.

All we want to feel is secure. Emotional consistency is the key in providing that. Don't push your tolerance to a place where it will break you.. you don't have to see how much you can handle before it kills you. Admitting weakness is a very strong act.
Break down your own walls.. breach your own security system.. and invest in a emotional security system in another. Cuz the world is a screwed up place.. and nobody should have to face it alone. - even if they think they want to.

Sorry for the saddness..
Until later xox
-callymon

..Makin the team..

As summer's end gets closer and closer.. many of you will look back and evaluate your summer lovin experience. Whether you got engaged... broke up... got closure.. found new love.. or filled your roster (and canteen).. hopefully your summer was filled with something you could find in one of the cheesy movies that came out this season.
In earlier posts i expressed what my ideal summer of love consisted of.... no steady relationships.. girls nights.. (or guys nights).. parties.. and being constantly on the prowl. As i listen to the evaluation of lots of different summers.... a constant question and issue has popped up..
girls have wanted to be 'dating' a guy they've been dating... but he has had the scarlet P branded into his chest for 'player'..
And guys are so dang confused cuz they think they're NOT a player when they are.. or are being accused of being one when really.. They don't mean to be.. and nobody understands why they've developed this 'bad rep'. well. let me educate you.

As we transition from summer to fall.. we transition from frat season to boyfriend season.
In summer.. we're interested in getting all our friends together and finding a frat of guys with a somewhat equal level of attractiveness.. and number.. to hang out with.. make out with.. and spend 'sunday game night with'.. one weekend at a time. if they have a boat? bonus! a cabin? double bonus!! 6 pack? requirement. You know they're doing the same thing you have been so of course they're playin you... but its more about quantity than quality in the summer. Pretty face..? Slammin bod? They're in! They could REAK of toolness and still make the team.

In fall... we go from all this free time and sun clouding our once clear vision.. to cracking down on the school books... putting the glasses on to avoid the tools we've tolerated for the last couple months.. requiring more than a boating bod to get on our new fall roster..
We want someone we can study with.. cuddle with on rainy days.. hold hands with on campus.. and take home to mom and dad for sunday dinners. We weed out the players.. cuz during finals week who really has time to creep on the low low to find out who else your boyfriend has been dating? really? no one.
We need someone we can trust with math homework.. and our hearts.. that we know we dont have to worry about when we have to study late.. that their 'study dates' are nothing to go all black-ops for.

Because we're coming out of the critical summer season.. that I not only encouraged.. but deemed as a necessary phase for all singles to experience.. this blog is purely informational. I'm not chastising those who qualify as players.. i'm just telling you to face the music.. own up to your player status.. and change it if you want to grow up and move on with your life. If you choose to keep your player status through out the fall... you'll be like those chicks that wear booty shorts and uggs in december.. in a snow storm.... you'll look like an idiot and be completely out of season. really? no one wants that!

SO.
I've recently had chats with several of my guy friends that start out... 'ok... what do YOU think a player is?? this chick keeps telling me i'm a player! and i'm NOT!!!'
They then go on to tell me how they've dated and kissed a different girl every night this summer.. but it just 'didn't work out with any of them' so 'why should they be called a player?'

The first thing that guys.. and girls.. need to realize.. is that, like tools, there are different levels of player status.
If you ask a guy on the Utah Football team if he's a 'football player'.. whether he's 20th string QB or he starts every game... he's gonna say 'YES!!!'.. probably yell something at you like 'we must protect this house'... or grunt real loud while beating his chest.
He could technically sit the bench every.single.game. and still call himself a football player.. and would we question it? no!
Like i said.. there are different levels of players.. and all kinds make up the team.. all kinds play the game.

A girl doesn't want a guy that doesn't date ANYBODY! Practice makes professional.. and we want to date someone that knows what they're doing! Someone that's figured out what they want.. so they don't confuse us as we attempt to read their minds and figure it out!
It's hard to be with someone that's never been in a relationship.. cuz they are unaware of the common knowledge and in's and outs of what's expected of them... It's not impossible! but it makes things difficult. We look for someone that is well learned in the art of 'Prince charmingness'. However... this Prince Charmingness often times comes at a price.
I know a lot of you homies didn't realllly like that post that i claimed that nice guys with swag are often times wolves in sheep's clothing.. that they are just the BIGGER tools that have figured out the exact cologne they need to mask the tool stench they reek of. Sorry that i hit too close to home on that one.... but understand.. that if a guy is so good at what he does... we can't help but wonder if you've had WAAAAY too much practice!
We're attracted to the suaveness of a well seasoned dater... and then we get scared that they're playing us.. because lets be honest.. you can't get THAT good at it takin one chick at a time..

As much as i would love to give you an exact list to help you decipher 'whether or not you're dating a player'... we're not in high school anymore.. therefore the signs are MUCH harder to recognize.. and prove.. But i can give you some helpful tips.. both of you.

Guys...
You honestly don't understand why you've been pinned down as the player type? Are you demented?
If you are dating and kissing several girls at a time.. or even back to back to back.. then news flash... you ARE a player.
The common rebuttal to this statement is.. that you're in hot pursuit of finding something you like.. someone you want to DATE.. but you simply haven't found them yet.. and you just HAPPEN to be weeding through them at a rapid rate...
I know you think that if you're not in a relationship that you are doing nothing wrong by dating EVERYONE... and hey.. you're right.. you're NOT doing anything wrong... but you're also a player.
Like i said before.. this is informative because during the summer? its totally ok! you've had fun! you've taken out every girl that looks like a victoria secret model... hey.. you've even taken out the ugly friend.. you've kissed them all (practice makes professional) and you've been ok with it!!
But now is the time to change. Or you will go from PLAYER.. to ALLSTAR.. to.. heaven forbid... PROVO ALLSTAR.

If you're doing any version of this routine.. sorry.. but you can't escape the player status.. cuz in all reality.. you ARE a player.. you CAN however.. lessen your player position.
The level of playerness is all based on intent.
The rule is... you can pursue 1 chick at a time. I know this seems a little extreme. and you think i'm on crack. But come on... 1.girl.at.a.time!
The whole 'recreational dating thing' is so 13th grade. knock it off. its time to grow out of going on a date because you a) want a free dinner.. or if you're a guy.. b.) want to fill your dating quota for the week. dating just to date is pointless.. you're wasting their time.. your money. If you have no interest in someone.. don't take them out! save your money for someone you would want to be with! If you meet someone.. could see yourself in a potential relationship with them based on the knowledge and information you've been provided with... then take them on a date!
After the first date.. if you see it going ANYWHERE.. GIVE IT A FAIR SHOT!!! don't move on to the next bimbo coming off the assembly line just so you can get your numbers up there! If you see it working out AT ALL.. unless they give you a reason to doubt the success of a future ANYTHING with this person... pursue THAT girl before moving on to her hot best friend or older sister.

If you go on a date with this person that you were actually interested in.. and then find out that you are definitely NOT interested in associating with them after that one torturous date.. THEN move on to the next one!

Girls...
You have to understand that even if a guy WANTS to be in a relationship with someone.. he doesn't always hit the bullseye on the first shot. He HAS to take out a few girls before he finds 'the one' that he wants to make his chick. If he's gone on dates with a few chicks before you.. and kissed a few chicks before you... you can't burn him at the stake. It happens! It will ALWAYS happen..
Even if they've gone through a few chicks at a rapid rate.. if he is actively pursuing ONE AT A TIME.. then he's ok to take at face value. He may be a player by DEFINITION.. but his heart is in the right place.
If he's dating JUST to date.. then he's a moron. or he's been in pure SUMMER mode and needs a good slapping to pull him out of it.
If they're in the process of transitioning from frat season to boyfriend season.. don't judge them on their past. It was SUMMER.. DUH. Be honest with them... without throwing a DTR their way..
Tell them that.. no you're not trying to dtr them.. you aren't trying to jump into some crazy relationship.. but you only hang out and date ONE person at a time and you would appreciate getting on the same page.. if that's not what they're about.. then YOU decide if you wanna mess with playa playa..
If you are dating other people.. and they're dating other people.. then shut up. you're a player too. give the dude a break.
if they claim they're the same.. and then lie.. then duh.. dump that homie.
and if they walk away from you.. they're retarded and didn't deserve your time.

While talking to different guys that have been offended with their player status.. they claim that 'every guy must be a player!'.. and 'Duh.. then GIRLS are players too!'..
guys.. you're right. Every guy that isn't in a relationship.. and is dating and kissing several girls.. is in fact a player. don't deny it. you look like a retard.

I've said it once.. i'll say it a million times.. the success in every relationship depends on the communication skills involved in it.
If two people are kept on the same page throughout whatever phase of dating they’re in... there wont be hurt feelings.. there wont be misunderstandings.. there will simply BE.
Its when a guy tries to hide that he's dating other people.. or tells a girl JUST what she wants to hear that gets him in trouble.

Yes. some people go on ONE date.. with ONE person.. fall madly in love.. and live happily ever after...
if thats how it worked all the time.. dating wouldn't suck so bad. In EVERY case.. a guy is going to have a list of girls he's dating searching for the right chick.. and every girl will have a trail of broken hearts behind her.. whether they be others.. or her own..
Don't pass on something that could be amazing just because you've heard they're a player.. judge the situation for yourself. Hopefully they're honest with you about it.. cuz if they're not. you shouldn't be with them anyway.
Every player is tamed eventually. You could be his last first date.


until later!
xoxo
-Callymon

.. Chasing Cars ..

Love is powerful. It's a creator, destroyer, confuser, clarifier.. it makes everything fall apart and come together at the same time. Such a powerful emotion has the ability to change anything and anyone. Love in itself can be a complete road block on a sought after path, it can take your plan...throw it out the window..and form a new one.
If we had a pyramid of emotion,love would be on the top.. and the bottom. It's the foundation of life and reason.. and its also the frosting on the cake that everybody wants. It's what is instilled in us from birth.. and brought out...strengthened.. and perfected through extraordinary circumstances and people. It doesn't have to make sense... its love. It doesn't have to be fair.. and rarely ever is. It has no regard for 'bad timing' or what you think you're supposed to feel.. it just IS.
It's unreasonable in the fact that without it... there's no REASON for anything.
Through reason and logic.. you'll come up with answers.. but without love.. you can come up with the wrong ones.
Reason leads to conclusion.. but it's emotion that leads to action. Even if that action is paralyzation.
All is fair in love and war right..?
well. unfortunately this post isn't focusing on the love part of the equation... We're going up a level on the pyramid of powerful emotions where we find the next 2 that.. along with love.. make up the 3 most powerful and motivating emotions available on the human emotional spectrum. Everything i just said about love applies to these emotions as well..however, these emotions unfortunately affect us just as powerfully.. in a negative way.
These emotions are Loneliness.. and Rejection.
They are both creators of pain and confusion.. clarifiers of your true strength and humanity.. they make everything fall apart.. and come together at the same time.. They can be a complete road block on a sought after path.. and they can take your reason and logic.. and throw them out the window.

Mother Teresa said that, "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

"blessed are the curious for they shall have adventures." -lovelle drachman

Curiosity has brought us many incredible discoveries.
its cured illness.. landed us on the mooon.. created a way to get tan without the sun.. you know.. the big stuff..so in general.. curious people are adventurous people.. like the lovely Drachman said. People who wonder what things are like generally have the guts to find out. and.. in the process of seeking answers to questions.. they find their wildest adventures.
Alright. Riddle me this one Love-man. You never know unless you try? uh. how about curiosity killed the freakin cat.?!
When it comes to love....( mm hmm.. Big L stuff..).. are you the wildest explorer discovering new worlds and comin out on top with medals and states named after you.. or are you the cat that got curious and jumped off the cliff cuz tweetie bird did it and lived..?

I hate the dark. I am terrified of snakes. i'm scared of spiders. And the thought of being heartbroken makes me huddle into the fetal position.
Some are afraid of heights. Some are afraid of emotion in general.
Most people claim that they're afraid of love.
But when added up and stripped down.. heartbreak.. emotion.. love.. none of these things are reallllly the core issue. These things alone don't scare us.
The real fear here is loneliness. The fear of being or ending up alone.
Mother Teresa once said that "The greatest disease of the West today isn't tuberculosis or lepracy.... it's loneliness."
We stay far away from anything that we could potentially catch this contagious epidemic from.. in fear that..once exposed..it might be uncurable. That instead of being treated for it.. we'll be left to die.. and our bodies will be burned like they did with the plague. No love doctor has advanced enough technology or a big enough band-aid to relieve us of emptiness.

Loneliness can drive us to do crazy irrational things.. it can push us in unintended directions.. and it definitely can paralyze us past the point of disfunction.

Loneliness has killed.. driven people mad.. and kept people from well deserved happiness.
Man wasn't meant to be alone. thats why its a crock of crap when anyone says they dont want a relationship...
no. retard. you just want several.

One of my favorite people from my home ward was an older woman named Ruth. Ruth used to sit with me after our church meetings and tell me her wild stories about when she was my age and what a betty she was.
Her and her husband George had been married for 48 years. They met in highschool.. where she "made him chase her around like a puppy for 2 years until she would go with him".. But when they finally got together.. they never spent a day apart. They were married at 20. The funny part about it.. she would say.. was that growing up he always had called her 'sis' so she never thought of him as a boyfriend or someone she would go steady with. luckily he pulled his head out and saw what was in front of him.. and she 'did him a favor and married him'.
After 48 years of waffles and peanut butter for breakfast, tuesday drives, sunday walks around the block, and their weekly saturday chocolate banana shake - 2 straws.. complete with holding hands, snuggling on porch swings, and obviously people basking in their perfect story book old-people love that was THE most adorable thing on the face of the planet... George died of a sudden and unexpected stroke.
After the funeral i went to visit Ruth where.. even in a few days time.. she had aged tremendously. The once bubbly feisty lady that told of her trouble making days, was now this old woman in front of me.. sunken in a chair.. unaware of the things going on around her.
The ladies in our ward stocked her fridge with peanut butter and eggos.. offered to take her on walks.. and tried to visit as much as possible.. but every time we came over.. she sat in George's chair and focused on answering our questions.
5 months after George died.. healthy.. never had a health problem.. was gonna live to 120 Ruth.. followed him.
In the autopsy report, the doctor had no explanation to 68 year old Ruth that passed in her sleep. She had simply died of a broken heart. Her loneliness had consumed her.. until she finally joined her lost sailor at sea in the life after.


I feel like loneliness is very misunderstood.
When i lived in Texas.. i explored the difference between loneliness.. and being alone.
I was literally alone allll the time.. because i knew like 4 people in the state. But loneliness wasn't what i was constantly feeling. When i got lonely.. that was when i needed a pick-me-up-make-out-with-a-hot-guy moment. which definitely happened. but being alone didn't drive me to constant booty calls with dudes i met at walmart... It brought out times of curiosity and self discovery that were much needed at that time in my life. I was left to explore my own thoughts and wander in my wonder. But it didn't necessarily drive me crazy.
was it weird? yes. was it bad? no.
I equate loneliness to emptiness.. and being physically alone didn't make me feel empty.. it just made me feel alone.

There are people that loneliness is such a scary word.. that they don't even go to the bathroom alone in fear of massive earth quakes that could separate lovers. these are the people that you swear are dating one person.. and 10 minutes after they supposedly 'broke up' with this person.. they're in a new legitimate relationship..that they dub as 'wayy serious'..with someone else.... so basically these people are on crack. and have serious co-dependency issues. They love love. not people. they want to avoid emptiness.. so they fill their cup with whatever is available.

My friend Darcy wants a boyfriend SO.DANG.BAD.
It's all she talks about. thinks about. dreams about. it consumed her life. and the lives of all her friends that she guilt trips into setting her up with every boy they know.
We figured we'd have a single summer full of fun girls nights and finding boys that are nonexistent.. and she bailed. HARD. she heard the word single and ran for the hills!
All she wants is a relationship. Someone to fill the void that fills her.
She's beautiful.. she's smart. she's funny. she's not entirely crazy.. she has everything going for her.. so we can't figure out.. if she wants a boyfriend so bad.. then why doesn't she have one by now?
Her booty-call speed dial is the last 2 months of her call log.. and if she doesn't have a date every other day.. she has an anxiety attack.
remember how i said not ENTIRELY crazy..?
She's so focused on finding a husband.. that she's not taking the time to SEE a husband.
She wants so badly to be in a relationship.. that she doesn't take the time to settle into anyone or anything before she's on to the next thing.
She's filling her lonely disease with a placebo pill of instant gratification and only making herself sicker.
She's afraid of being alone.

Not gonna lie. i share Darcy's desire to have a boyfriend. but because i want one.. i dont want to get one.. just to have one. thats dumb.
She.. and I.. need to push off the lonely bug and everything will work out.
i'm convinced that the second Darcy DOESNT' want a boyfriend.. she'll get one.

Me and D suffer from different challenges..
i suffer from the 'fine how are you' disease.
How many times a day to we walk around to random strangers and say 'hey how are ya?'.. good how are you? good.'
This is the most unnecessary.. unproductive conversation of our day.

Think about this.
If you were to ask all of these people how they were.. and they were to answer you honestly.. you would think they were on drugs.
"Hey how are ya?"
".. ya know.. i've been feeling really sad because me and my boyfriend broke up and i'm fighting with my mom and my dog died and my parrot flew out the window this morning.. its been rough.. so i'm just under the weather.. not really up for anything exciting.."
uuh.. ok check out lady at Kroger... i'll take my groceries and go now.. i was just being polite you freak.

And when they don't feel up to par.. they feel like they need to explain themselves.. usually they go to the path of least resistance/controversy/the quickest way to end a convo....'i'm sick'.. seeeee yaaa.


Something that i'll confess that i shouldn't?
I think i'm sick all the time when i'm sad. or angry. or sad. or.. sad.
i can explain that i have a migraine much easier than I can explain some dumb emotion that even i dont understand.. so i stick with the 'fine how are you' disease.
if they had an 800mg sadness pill.. do you know how many cupboards would be FILLED with it?!

I like being tough. i dont like showing vulnerability.. or emotion.. or sadness. and so.. 'i'm fine how are you?'

Loneliness is feared so much that people would rather never love than love and get hurt.. or they're like Darcy.. and they love LOVE so much that they aren't ok alone.. ever!

This fear of loneliness leads to irrational behavior.. creating emotions that aren't as strong as we think.
Loneliness causes irrational behavior.. but its more of a passive irrationality. The person you are affecting in your lonely rant.. is yourself. for example.. bootycalls. who are you hurting here..? you. (wellll.. depending on how you look at it... either you.. or nobody at all).. if it makes you irrationally clingy... you are hurting yourself. If it drives you completely mad to the point of stalking... you need help. YOU need help. .. and once again the person you're hurting..and affecting.. is yourself.

Now we get to the last emotion in our powerful emotion trifecta.. Rejection.
Rejection is the most motivating of the 3...
It's the hardest to get over... the hardest to deal with.. and the most complicated.

rejection fuels a certain kind of fire in us that is addictive and destructive.
Every 'game' played in love feeds off of this fire.. the fear of rejection.. and the hard-to-deal-with state that being rejected puts someone in... the insecurities that rejection brings out and amplifies..and the attempt to hide the insecurities that are brought to the surface..

It's addictive in the fact that when someone is running away from you... you chase them.
Its destructive in that it builds love on the insecurities of someone.. if the love is ever built at all.. and its the hardest thing in the WORLD to get over!
Can you think of something worse than being unwanted?? no. it leaves you thinking that you weren't enough.. making you want to try harder.. thinking you can fix this rejected feeling by being better- or different.. when its the rejecTOR with the problem... NOT the rejectEE..

In an earlier post.. tool-mc-tool-face.. even said that to get a girl to fall for you.. you need to play them against each other.. make them compete for your affection.. these A-holes are playing into the ultimate fear of rejection.

My friend Ashley was in a Lizzie-Gordo relationship. Her and Tucker had been friends forever... when all the sudden it turned romantic one day. They kissed.. sparks flew.. and they declared their love for each other. i knoooww you want more details.. but this isn't the important part of the story... the REAL story starts after they started dating....
The one person that had known Ashley forEVER.. started telling her that he 'didn't love her and he didn't know why'... that he 'wanted to' but he just couldn't.
This started the fear-of-rejection-fire in Ashley and made her want to do everything in her power to 'help' tucker love her.
After dating for a couple months.. Tucker broke up with Ashley because he didn't want to be with her.. and ended this life-long friendship out of the blue.
Ashley felt more deeply rejected than she ever had been.. because Tucker knew everything about her.. and still he didn't want her. She felt like if HE couldn't love her.. NOBODY could..
After that Ashley built up her romantic feelings for Tucker in her mind to the ultimate extent... (in all honesty.. when they were IN the relationship.. we never really thought Ash was into it that way...but because he didn't WANT her... she sure as heck wanted him back!!)
They dated maaayybe 3 months.. before that she had had WAAAY longer relationships than that.. several were like year-long-loves... but she had never been rejected so badly.. making this heartbreak rank WAAAAY above the rest.

Why do we always want what we can't have? ... its this WEIRD rejection fire!!! i tell you!.. once it's started... its ADDICTING.. and DESTRUCTIVE!!!

We need to step back from this trifecta of powerful emotions and get them in check.
I kid you not.. no exaggeration.. they will completely run your life if you let them.
Fill your life with love.. you wont regret it.

Don't be afraid of loneliness.. its temporary. Don't let it lead you into rash relationships and pointless bootycalls.. assess the relationships that your constantly getting into... are the REAL-ationships? or something and someone filling a void in your life.

And finally.. avoid the feeling of rejection. I know you can't help or avoid rejection itself.. its actually pretty inevitable in this dumb dating game we're stuck in.. but don't let it run your life. if someone isn't smart enough to recognize how amazing you are.. don't be stupid enough to stay with them.. or to want them.. These dumb people that are messing with you are fueling your insecurities.. and using them against you to make you love them more.
As hard as it is... don't be the dog chasing the car.. cuz once you get it.. you wont want it! Run after something that runs along side with you.. not from you!

Don't be afraid to be curious.. but go for adventurous curiosity.. don't go jump off cliffs thinking your invincible.. be smart. recognize the wolves in sheeps' clothing.. and let LOVE be the only powerful emotional influence in your life.

until later!
xoxox
-Callymon

. Happily Never After .

There once was a heart that decided
to never let love get it down
to never give up or fall in to
something that would make it frown

This heart started out like a tough guy
shutting all out that wanted its key
determined to never find out just
how lonely a love lost could be

It twisted and turned from commitment
it ran from the faintest of sparks
it stifled the fires and ended
all love before it could start

and then came the hearts perfect soul mate
that broke down its walls in a flash
it fought it at first then gave into
something they thought had to last

so deeper and deeper the heart fell
not looking back hoping for more
no one could've warned this heart enough
about what fall it had in store

one day the heart woke up in panic
with nothing but memories to spare
the soul mate changed its mind now and broke
the promise they'd always be there

The heart was left now in pieces
tasting what life could be with a friend
that loves you with everything they have
and promises never to end

the hearts sworn off feelings engulfed it
the ones it swore it would avoid
it never wanted that feeling
to come again loving a boy

it tried and it tried to move on past
the soul mate that ran from their life
but the more the heart tried to be tough now
the more that no love could suffice

the broken heart picked up the pieces
the soul mate came back in their eyes
determined to crack what they'd fixed now
to tell them more promising lies

the heart had enough off the mind games
they sent the soul mate out the door
being stronger than they'd ever been now
finally wanting what love had in store

the hearts eyes were opened to new things
and walls weren't rebuilt in that fear
of losing the ones that would pass through
the hearts eyes til real love appeared

the broken heart club has its members
increasing by hundreds each day
all convinced that their soul mate
is the one they just watched walk away

Happily never after
Becomes happily never again
Not a matter of if love will find you
It's only a matter of when

So never be sad over broken
a remodel or two's for the best
dont shut down because of a crack-head
and not let your heart love the rest

...no more rhyming i mean it!!
.. anybody wanna peanut..?
i rhyme. for a living. i apologize. annnnywho.

There's a difference between a great love and the right love.
Since school has undoubtably taken over my life.. i've fallen behind on my Gossip Girl. Something no girl should EVER do! The final episode did the unthinkable. i cried. literally. tears came out of my eyes.. they're still flowing!
If you don't watch the show.. first off shame on you.. let me fill you in.
Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass have been meant to be together since the show STARTED. 4 seasons... many love triangles and head- spinning schemes later.. you're STILL team chuck and blair.. thats just the way it goes.
They know each other's sparkly sides.. dark sides.. dull sides.. and basically have been through every single thing 2 people could ever go through.. hand in hand. You know how i've explained the 'all powerful couple' of Brad and Angelina? .. Blair and Chuck were BETTER! They took mind games to an art form and still could see each other through all of them.
Well. Final Episode.. Blair gets engaged. to.. NOT CHUCK. yes.. homeboy is the prince of Monaco or something but still... NOT CHUCK BASS! WTChuck?!
Several times through out the episode you think.. yes i love that blair is happy with Louis.. (her prince).. but there's no way she wont end up with chuck.

At the end of the longest 42 minutes of my LIFE.. Blair and Chuck say goodbye forever. They recognize that together they have been incredible.. outrageously adventurous.. bad for each other.. the only thing for each other.. and even 'right' at one point in their romance. But just because they had a 'great' love.. doesn't mean they had the 'right' love.
Holy hit home gossip girl.
did i mention i cried? yes. i cried.
Chuck realizes that for blair to be the best blair that she can be.. she has to be with someone else. They recognize that they will always love each other.. and then BAM. its over.

In our lives we'll love many people. We'll be able to experience a lot of realllly GREAT love. Each one bringing us something new.. each one igniting something new in us we didn't know was there..

My friend Christine just got out of a relationship. go figure.. it's like the hectic 'find your soul mate' race is making people drop faster than the economy. She unfortunately fell into the heartbreak group of our 'non stagnant relationship' movement..
Her and Charlie were every bit as picturesque as Blair and Chuck. They drove each other crazy.. understood each others weaknesses.. embraced the bad parts of one another.. and always rooted for the others overall happiness. They were perfect. But. low and behold.. they weren't right.

In the movie 'Hancock'.. you have Hancock and his woman.
They were literally made to be together.
BUT.. the closer they get.. the less powerful they get.. and the more mortal they become.. obviously giving them the ability to die.
When they're together.. people try harder and harder to destroy them.. cuz people don't like to see other people happy.. (and they're super hero's and every hero comes with a villain that wants to blow him up). This whole.. become mortal thing definitely becomes a problem.

Hancock's lady recognizes that she has to be happy with someone else if she wants to live. period. so.. she falls in love with the costume maker dude with the kid.

Hancock and his woman were LITERALLY made for each other! Just like Blaire and Chuck.. JUST like Christine and Charlie.. Just like soo many other couples out there that don't work out. Why doesn't it work?

You can make a lot of people happy... so my newest dillema in life is..
Who decides if its happily ever after... or happily never after..?
What makes that distinction? If you can make virtually anyone happy.. and anyone can make YOU happy.. then why the heck isn't everyone in the world in happy.. healthy.. successful relationships?! are we really just screwing with forever..? Do we not understand the concept of happiness..? do we not want it? are we just too lazy to find it? to get it? to hold on to it?

My best friend Madi had a fairytale romance once upon a time.
Her and her boyfriend Justin had this 'made for each other' stamp over their heads.. marriage was inevitable. everyone knew it. we were just waiting for it.
Well... one day, they decided that they weren't happy. and that things just weren't 'right'.
They refused to call it a timing issue because they didn't want to hold on to something that they may not have again.. but they didn't like saying it was completely over.. because how were they supposed to completely say goodbye when nothing really happened? Nothing caused this catastrophic break up.. just doubt. just a 'feeling' that they needed to break up.

So they called it quits. and literally stopped talking in fear of getting back together.
a couple months later.. this exact question popped into Madi's head... who decided it wasn't right with her and Justin? Who made the distinction between 'not right' and 'not right now'?

Since they had only called it off on account of rain.. the skies could turn blue again right?
3 weeks ago.. Madi came to me bawling to relay the phone conversation between them...

The basic.. hey.. how ya been's.. small talk... and catching up with each other's families and dying pets...
and then she asked him to 'catch up'... the classic 'we need to go to lunch and catch up soon! its been forever!'
His reply?
"Mads.. it really is good talking to you.. but we both know if we go to lunch we're only gonna wanna see more of each other.. and talk more.. and that would just be bad. We have too much history.. we'd be too tempted to get back together.. i really think you're a great girl.. but you're not my wife madi.. we already decided that. there's no point."

Hence.. the crying uncontrollably.
What she had taken as.. screw 'fate' i'm taking this 'everything happens for a reason' crap into my OWN hands... he had taken as.. 'its a sign! it didn't work out ONCE.. why should we ever talk again?!'

We all get this idea in our minds of the rest of our lives.. this picture perfect world we each want to live in.. and we ignore everything that we feel doesn't fit into this perfect mold.

Should we have standards and expectations for our future? abso-friggin-lutely. we should all want to and strive to live up to our highest expectations.
but when it comes to love... why is it that so many guys these days are claiming ..'she's great!.. but she's not my wife..' HOW THE FREAK DO YOU KNOW THAT HOMIE?!
No girl is going to treat you like you're her husband... until you're her husband.
If you are perfect for one another... then where exactly is the problem?


I'm talking to waaaayy too many girls in dysfunctional relationships with guys that dont appreciate them.. take them for granted.. and then claim randomly one day that 'its not right'.. and 'they're not happy'.. THEN.. instead of breaking things off COMPLETELY with the girl.. leaving her in peace.. ALONE with her chocolate and man-hating-taylor-swift-songs.. he continues to make sure he shows up in her life repeatedly cuz he knows this way she'll NEVER.GET.OVER.HIM.
He sees her according to his own convenience and then leaves her again and again.. making her resort to her break-up-chocolate-cake that we all know is easily 65000 calories.. over and OVER again.
Studying the gender rolls in our society is not only baffling... its suuuuper annoying.
girls tend to ALWAYS be waaaay too patient. and guys tend to take waaaayyy too much time to realize that happiness.. once found.. shouldn't be questioned.

all these guys are getting out of relationships to live the single life.. they're desperate to go on dates with new hot chicks.. when they just trampled over REAL love with someone that cared about them more than any bimbo they're dating now ever will.


I believe in fate. you know me.. i'm a happily ever after kind of girl.
but i also believe that people are SCREWING WITH IT.
all i ask is that you actually THINK about your love life right now..
is it 'not right'? 'not right now'? or are you just wasting your time and her patience and tears because your retarded?
if its not right.. let the poor girl/boy GO!!
if its not right now.. you MAY want to consider how friggin CRAPPY your treating your future husband/wife..
and if you're wasting time.. i'm gonna beat chu. cuz thats dumb.

i know i've said this before.. but you have to realize that your future.. is in YOUR hands! YOU personally are making the decisions that are shaping your forever. YOU were given the moral agency and right to be happy.. and its your own fault if your not.

in the wedding date.. Nick (the hottie patottie) says that every one has the exact love life that they want.
kat then replies 'you think i WANT to be single and miserable?!'.. to her surprise.. Nick answers 'Yes. when you're ready to be un-single and un-miserable... you will be'.

If you've recently gone through a break up.. my heart.. along with the rest of the broken heart club is with you.. i'm sorry.. the right person will come into your life.. dont shut down because some jerk made you his doormat.. go find a prince.. and make the no-good-broke your heart-..dude.. wish he was dead.

Don't let ANYTHING keep you from love... not pride.. not fear.. not a douchey ex that refuses to let you be happy and move on..

Realize whats going on in your life.. and hold yourself accountable for your own unhappiness. If you dont like something about your facebook relationship status... then CHANGE IT!
No story will end with happily never after unless YOU let it...
if its not happy.. then its not the end.


Until Later xoxox
-callymon

.. Not so Pure Intentions ..

ok. first off. i know i haven't blogged in like a year. so. its good to be back. i apologize.

People always focus on the fact that they had good intentions.. even when things go wrong.. or not the way that they planned.. as long as they MEANT well.. then they assume they're fine.
I'm glad they have an intention- meter.. a bank of good thoughts and plans that they can cash in when they're called the names that they deserve. cuz after i'm done.. that will be the only thing that can save them.
The problem is.. we can't read minds. we can only read actions and reactions.. we read results. we measure progress not from thought.. but from moving forward from one point to another.
They don't give medals to the people that THOUGHT they crossed the finish line first... they give them to the people that ACTUALLY cross it first.
The problem with relationships and love.. is, how do you measure physical things.. or steps.. in a relationship? i mean ya.. i've gone through the.. "friends.. to kind of dating.. to exclusive.. to fb official" list.. But as an actual measure of affection, how do you determine how someone feels about you? And how do you show someone else how you feel about them clearly.. without having to say it? Do we have the "bases" of love? No. someone could be steeling second when the other person thinks they haven't even hit the ball yet.
Last night i was talking to one of my friends, Nick. We were talking about the classic "insert kiss here" moments. How and when do you know if you should go in for the kill..?
I explained to him that you'd have to be STUPID not to know.. girls will definitely let you know when they want you to kiss them!! They put the vibe out there.. and wait for you to pick it up and make it happen! I went OFF on how "the signs are there".. "there is no neutral ground".. thinking i was schooling him.. when he stopped me.. and told me.. that when it came time to kiss me.. (mind you.. we hung out for a YEAR before he kissed me because we were such good friends).. i was completely on neutral ground!! How i didn't send him ANY vibes.. i made him do it all on his own.. and he felt like he was taking a stab in the dark because i was indifferent either way! I sent the vibe that i would totally kiss him back.. but if it didn't happen then we could still be great homies.. and uh.. HELLO... A YEAR?! ya. my bad. i was chastised.

And what happens when you think someone is way into you.. and then all the sudden.. they're not? or they make you look and feel like a fool because you read their intentions wrong?


They'll put out a vibe.. a COMPLETE vibe.. not even a little wave.. but a legit.. earth shattering VIBE.. and then flips it on you? claiming it was her that didn't read him correctly.
I call it.. light the fuse and walk away.

Guys feel like they have the right to pursue you.. while pursuing other people.. leaving any sort of title completely out of the picture to keep themselves unaccountable for their uncertain.. high school feelings of never wanting to settle down... leading you on JUST enough to make YOU not want to screw things up by hanging out or kissing someone else.. but not enough to bring up a DTR (define the relationship) even on the smallest scale in fear that its YOUR fault.. that YOU read THEM wrong.. and to avoid an awkward situation..

This guy Preston was pursuing the CRAP out of my friend Jamie.
we looove how boys come home off their LDS missions and want to jump into anything serious that they can get their hands on.. mm hmm...
So.. preston came home.. and claimed that all he wanted to be..was with Jamie. he wanted HER and NO ONE else. she didn't even have to READ between anything! it was all there in the literature!
So.. even being skeptical.. this dude confessed his love for her.. whats she gonna do? say no? uh.. no. she was in love with the guy. so.. they start dating.. when all the sudden he starts to get sketchy.
When he claimed he wanted to date other people.. but he STILL only wanted to be with Jamie.. she encouraged it! She wanted him to go and date.. to get what she had been doing for 2 years.. out of his system. But. in the mean time.. she obviously went on dates too.
After the second date she went on with someone else.. he flipped. he couldn't handle it.. he HAD to be with her!! so he came crawling back.. claiming that "she was the only one.." and "he couldn't and WOULDN'T share her!". which. ok. she was fine with. once again.. dude.. in front of her.. confessing his love. she took it.
so they went like this for about a month later.. when all the sudden.. he wanted to date other people again... so. being understanding (more than she should've been) she.. once again.. encouraged it. after a couple weeks.. the same thing happened.
you see the cycle.
So. after one of their "on periods" they decided to break up.. cuz uh.. she found out that he had been cheating on her.. but didn't want to say anything.. so they claimed the all- indifferent- non confrontational- classic - "its just not right".. when CLEARLY it wasn't right cuz uh.. duh.. he was a dip-crap.
during their all-epic-3-hour-break-up.. he started telling her that he was sorry that he just was never ready to be in this relationship with her.. and that she was just pushing him too much to be with her.. and he just wanted to take things slow..
ok. WAIT. WHAT? after HE had been the one to bring EVERY ounce of relationship crap up.. all the sudden it was HER fault that they moved too fast? when alllll she did was encourage him to date other people...?
The worst part of it all? she believed him!! she started thinking it was her fault.. that she shouldn't have been so down his throat about being with her.. but even when she told us the story.. she couldn't explain WHY it was her fault..? the manipulative little piece of crap just FLIPPED it on her! he lit the fuse.. and walked away.. leaving her confused.. and alone.

Jamie.. this was NOT your fault. JUST because he's telling people now that you were the one pushing things.. doesn't' make it true. The problem with preston is... he TOLD you his intentions were one thing.. and then he really truly WANTED another thing..
you need to take the ball and put it back in YOUR court. don't let him make you feel insecure and like YOU ruined the relationship, you didn't! even when you broke up.. you have to realize that it wasn't "just not right".. HE wasn't right. THATS why it didn't work out!
You have to remind yourself that you wanted things to end because HE CHEATED ON YOU. it was in no way his decision! he just walked away making you feel like YOU were the one that just got dumped.
Stay strong. and remember the facts. the truth remains. he's a douche.

My friend Alison started hanging out with this guy Brock..
he seemed like he was way into it.. he was super flirty.. he always wanted her to come over and hang out.. they cuddled.. they went on dates.. but they hadn't kissed yet and she couldn't figure out why..
When you saw them together.. it looked like they were a couple.. They frequently went on long soul-bearing drives.. and all looked promising..
but he would not for the life of him.. make a move!!
She didn't know what to do.. or how to call him out on it.. she didn't even know if it was her place to say anything at ALL... so she came here.. to callymon.blogspot.

The problem is.. there are nice guys.. and there are wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Both are equally hard to read.. cuz a 'nice guy'.. can sometimes be interpreted as a 'friendly guy' or a 'pursuer'. You are left with a couple different situations...
Sometimes its in the literature.. that if he wanted to make something happen.. he would've made it happen.. and he's only interested in friendship.
Sometimes.. he just doesn't know what he wants.. so he rides that line of.. do what you can get away with.. without having to put a title or even status on anything. He does this so he can guiltlessly still date other people without ever having to own up to leading you on.. he does this so he can ALWAYS fall back on the fact that 'you read him wrong'. its retarded. but its the truth.
and sometimes.. the friendship that you've developed with this guy.. (i'm assuming you guys are good friends from the time you've spent together) is EXACTLY whats holding him back..

like my case with Nick.. uh.. DUH i wanted him to kiss me.. i had wanted him to kiss me for like 9 months of the year that we hung out with each other.. but because our friendship had gotten so strong.. he didn't want to jeopardize anything. and apparently i was compLETELY retarded and didn't give him enough material to work with.. so he didn't know if i was down.. If he had gone in for the kill.. and i hadn't wanted it.. then our friendship would've been put in an awkward situation. you see the dilemma.
the truth from my side.. is once he didn't kiss me in the beginning.. i really was down to be just friends. we didn't have to kiss for our friendship to be bomb.com.. so i left it where it was.. and i wasn't about to put out the vibes and milk the 'insert kiss here moments' like i would've with someone ELSE... cuz i was worried about the same thing.. what if he didn't WANT to kiss ME? then i would look like a fool.

calling someone out.. even non-verbally.. can be tricky. it definitely caters to each specific instance.
if you're good enough friends that you can joke about it.. push the envelope a little bit.. lay more bait out there and see if he's just being a chicken and he finally picks up on it..

if you've put it out there.. and he STILL hasn't' done anything about it... then you're dealing with a tool. keep him as a friend.. and move on in your love life. then. if he has feelings for you... guys want.. what other guys want.. and maybe it'll spark something in him.
challenge his comfortability.. and his clearly cocky attitude.. if he thinks that YOU don't want HIM.. then maybe he'll finally come after you!

The maturity of guys will ALWAYS mess with us... they ALL go through the 'light the fuse and walk away' phase.. the trick is catching one of them when they get OUT of it.
I honestly don't believe that there is no hope for humanity. i believe that all guys grow out of their retardedness eventually! sometimes they just need periods of being 'big man on campus' and 'playa playa with all their friends worshiping them'.. and then they come around. some later than others.. but patience is the key. Not with any one of them in particular of course...
they do you wrong? you screw them and move on! but be patient with the species in general. They'll come around. You'll find one ready to handle women in general soon i promise. and if not?
i know people.. that know people.. that know people.. that have uncles.. that break knee caps. let me know.

Intentions are great. but its action that determines futures. take some action.. and make your future happen.
For its not who we are.. but what we DO that defines us.

Until Later! xoxox
-Callymon

(modified obviously.. goodness people. you baffle me.)

. . Raiders of the Lost Art . .

Today in english we studied Rhetoric.. the art of persuasion.
Aristotle said that rhetoric is a dangerous tool that we can't teach to just anyone! Think if it landed in the hands of a powerful and EVIL person.. um.. ya. its happened. Hitler.. is a great example of this.
Give someone the art of persuasion.. the ability to manipulate the human mind and action.. that has a detrimental agenda..? you're screwed.
Rhetoric.. and Swag are the same in this way..
Give a man the ability to manipulate the minds and hearts of women with a destructive.. tool-like agenda.. and we're all SCREWED.

Swag, like rhetoric, is easily mastered by those that take the time to perfect it.
However, being intelligent and being rhetorically savvy are very different. Having the information and tools necessary to have swag.. and ACTUALLY having swag are extremely different.

I'm convinced that i would've been an excellent dude.
i rock at BS.. and therefore would succeed in BS-ing chicks to think what i want them to.
Being able to BS rhetorically can almost always serve you more than being an intellectual master. Look at the difference in articulation of President Bush and President Obama...
President Bush could’ve been the smartest guy in the world, but because he couldn’t articulate his thoughts and he didn’t use his rhetorical ability (if he had any) in ANY way.. he looked like a complete moron half the time - ok MOST of the time.
It didn’t matter what action he was taking for our country... i didn’t matter WHAT he did.. good or bad.. if he had to give a public address about it.. he was in trooouuublleee because he was bound to look like a retard.
President Obama won over the minds and hearts of many of the American people during the election because of his articulation and charisma.
I’m not saying my political views..agenda.. or even who or what i support politically.. but look at their articulation alone.. and you see my point.

If you have the right tools.. the right formula.. and even the right words and actions served to you on a silver platter... how then can you still fail? How can the same talk given by 2 different people end up so different.. when they use the same exact words? How can 2 boys that do the EXACT same thing end up with different results?

Bottom line... it’s not just what you say.. its how you say it. it’s not just what you do.. its how and when you do it..
It’s alllll in the delivery my friends...

Swag isn't rocket science. But there is definitely a formula to it.. a set of practices that need to be carefully considered and studied in order to achieve the level of Swag that is necessary to succeed.

Attractiveness.. although a big part of swag.. is ultimately trumped by swag.
Swag takes precedence over all other qualities when it comes to attraction: physical, psychological, emotional, allll of the above.

Basically.. to put it in fortune cookie terms..

'Have swag.. will succeed'

Before you can even get to the point of using actual swag.. you have to do your homework. so.. put ‘swag’ into our rhetorical formula...

In the beginning...
You have to define your audience.. who are you trying to win over?
Identify the type of person you’re pursuing... go deeper than the typical stereotype.. you have to be able to assess the kind of steez your dealing with.
If you can read people like books.. this should be easy for you.. If you can’t.. look at the way they respond to how others act. You don’t learn about people through action, you learn about them through REaction. You’ll see what they take offense in.. how they handle awkward moments.. what their strengths and weaknesses are as far as relationships go. You can figure all of this out in the first 10 minutes of interaction with them if you look for the right things.
If they always have a friend close by.. and tend to hang on to them, especially when they feel uncomfortable.. then you know you have a potential clinger on your hands..someone that falls quickly that you’re going to have to exercise patience with or you’ll be like prunes in her dating digestion.. you’ll go right through. OR she’ll go crazy if you show too much too soon and start planning a wedding.. which is just as bad.

What do they already know about the subject you are presenting? (the subject you’re presenting is yourself in this case) and How credible do they see you?

If you meet someone.. and they say anything along the lines of ‘ooh YOU’RE John Smith..?’.. or if you KNOW they know who you are and who you’ve dated.. you need to pin down the reputation you have in their eyes... and, whether its good OR bad.. you need to prove it wrong.
If they think you’re ‘too nice of a guy’.. you have to be the contrary.
If they automatically think you’re a ‘tool’ or ‘bad boy’.. you have to show the other side of you.
This will do 2 things..
First. It will be just enough of a shock to their sub-conscience that it will keep them interested longer.
and Second.. until you dissolve this preconceived notion.. you’re not on fair playing ground.. and you’re competing with the ghost or idea of yourself. eliminate all unnecessary detrimental competition.
Play up your strengths!!
Every girl likes a guy that knows what he’s doing.. it makes us feel safer with you.. why? i have no idea. but we dig it. AND we dig confidence.. and when you’re talking about/doing something you’re good at.. the confidence will shine through as opposed to fake yucky conceded cocky grossness.
there’s a FIIIINE line.. find it. and work it.
This is where a good wingman is a necessity. Have each other’s backs.. cuz someone ELSE can talk you up like crazyyy without you sounded like you’re into yourself.
Side note to remember...
girls want what other girls want.... guys want what other guys want...
Whether or not you claim to be ‘mainstream’... everyone is to a certain extent. people like what OTHER people like... its a vicious cycle. so even if you can just CONVINCE someone that tons of chicks are into you.. you’re that much more appealing and attractive in our eyes. We want what we cant have..

Once you have the first meeting out of the way..
Assess the context and environment...
The time and place you do things is crucial!
As much as i’ve said that i’m attracted to tools... im not. i want a nice guy.. with swag..
but all you nice guys that got all butt hurt in the last ‘Master of Disguise’ post.. you don’t have to be a tool to get the girl of your dreams!! you DO however.. have to have swag!!
know WHEN to be a nice guy.. if you are too nice too soon.. it freaks us out!! if you wait too long.. we’re turned off and we smell your fakeness miles away.. like you’re putting on a ‘tool-like’ act to try and win our affection. we decode stuff for a living...we LIVE to over analyze.. we can spot a fake comin before you even get on the love radar.

We don’t want you to play games with us... we don’t want you to lead us on.. .that’s NOT what i’m saying.
But you ARE going to have to use some strategy in the way you go about things or you’re doomed to failure. THIS is the single reason that tools succeed.. is they use this ‘swaggering’ strategy.. and we fall for it!!

In the middle is where you win them over...
you have to KEEP their attention..
Logically ordering parts of your argument.. laying the correct cards on the table at the right time.. the timing of this is essential here.
.. if you’re a nice guy... you need to know WHEN to be a nice guy...

My friend Abby was in the beginning stages of dating this guy Tim. She met Tim a year ago through a friend and occasionally would run into him. She knew ‘of him’ on a ‘first name basis’ in that.. she had talked about him indirectly with her friend so much that she felt like she knew him pretty well. Good ol’ facebook connected them a year later (now) and he asked her on a date. *remember that they had never hung out.. this is important.
So.. they went on the first date.. he was great.. he was a gentleman.. easy to talk to.. it pretty much went as well as any first date could go.. she really enjoyed herself.
She made it clear that she was busy.. he made it clear that he was busy.. so it was perfect.
** she had also just gotten out of a relationship.. so besides the fact of being physically busy.. Abby was emotionally busy too. she didn’t really want to have to think about any boy situation too hard for a while.
A week passed without them talking or hanging out when she got another phone call to go on a second date. She obviously agreed.. given the success of the first date they had been on. The second date was fantastic! He took her to do things that she loved to do.. they had a blast!!
By the end of the second date she was like ‘ok.. i think i love this boy.. this is fantastic’..
then an hour passed.
At the end of this hour she decided that she felt weird about it and she didn’t want to go out with homie again.
Then the next morning she decided.. ya.. i think i kinda like him.. i don’t know if i wanna go out with him again.. but hey.. its perfect. he’s busy.. I’M busy.. and i’ll have a while to think about it!
2 days later she gets a text from him asking her on another date for a couple days later.
Being a girl.. and picking the easiest form of rejection when put in a compromising situation that you don’t know how you feel and do NOT wanna have to make up your mind.... she didnt text back.
a few days later.. he called. she didn’t answer.
all she wanted was room to breathe.
A week later.. after a WEEK of not returning his calls or texts.. she got a text that said ‘look outside your door’.
Her favorite flowers and candy COVERED her front porch.
... remember how i said they had never hung out before this? and they went on 2 dates.. no hanging out in between... so they had literally seen each other TWICE.
its prettttyyy safe to say that Abby was freaked out.
she wanted sooo bad to love the nice guy in Tim and see in him what she’s always wanted in a boyfriend...
but homeboy... you gotta learn how to play the game here bud!

Hold off on your ‘nice guy’ cards until you’re further into her mind and her heart! If you would’ve done the SAME thing after a couple more dates and hanging out a little bit.. when she was more secure and SURE about her entire situation.. you would’ve been puttin down ACES!! but because you played them to early.. you put yourself waaay behind in the game!

a nice guy thats too nice of a guy too early.. is unattractive.
make us work for SOMETHING or we’ll plow right through you!


When presenting an argument.. you have to consider what sort of mental/physical state your audience will be in..

If they just got out of a relationship.. they’re going to be needy to a certain point because they’re used to comfortability..
but they’ll also get freaked out easily if you take the comfortability too far.
If they just got cheated on.. they’re gonna have major trust issues that you need to address and dissolve right off the bat. you need to make SURE they know they can trust you.. or they’ll move on. You have to be more actively engaged in this relationship right from the get go cuz the insecurity is higher.

All of us girls want a knight in shining armor..
hold our hands first! kiss us goodnight! and take us places YOU feel confident in.. where your cocky little strut that we think is sooo hot comes out!
Dont take us to a party where you’re unanimously hated at... what good is that gonna do you?! take us around people that are biiig fans of YOURS that will openly remind us of how lucky we are to be with you! we like this!!

You have to provide concrete data to support your argument.... it doesn’t matter how great your claim is if you dont’ have BOMB evidence.. These people only add to your credibility of ‘boyfriend material’..

Someone commented on the last post that in order to be successful with girls you have to play them against each other... this is false. and this is the concept through ‘tool glasses’. the truth in this statement.. is we want to be with someone that other people want to be with.
we don’t want you to PLAY US.. but we want to have the fact that you CHOSE us clearly pointed out to us..
nothing is more attractive than a guy with a thousand options.. that chose YOU.
chicks eat this stuff UP!

Having patience with your swag cards is important even in recycled relationships.

My friend Tanya had dated this kid Josh on and off for a couple years when they decided to ‘call it quits’. they CLAIMED that they were never going to speak again.. but that was definitely a bit dramatic.
After 4 months of zero communication.. (a record for the both of them) Tanya had a feeling that something was not right in Josh’s life.. she could see and had heard that he was having a hard time.. and she obviously still cared about him as a human being.. they had been best friends for years!
So. Tanya put her pride in her pocket.. picked up the phone.. and called him.
They talked for a while.. and Tanya made a mental note not to talk to him again for a while.. but during their conversation.. he confirmed that he had been having a hard time and he really needed someone to be there for him.
because of this Tanya decided to put forth more effort and really try and make sure he was ok..
oh ya.. did i mention that they kissed? bad idea on her part. dummy.
but it did happen. which didn’t add to the over all easiness of the situation.
She didn’t ‘over step her bounds’ as far as a friend... but because they had so much history.. the fact that she was putting forth this effort that came LITERALLY out of nowhere only led to her downfall.
NOW.. because Josh thought that Tanya was trying to come back into his life with full force.. they don’t talk at allllll and its even more awkward NOW than when they first broke up!
Tanya needed to ease her way back into this friendship.. not show so much concern right off the bat. There would definitely be time later to repair the 'friendship bond' between them.. and at THAT point she would've been able to help him. But because they hadn't taken the transition steps.. she lost Josh even more than she had before.
What did Tanya fail to recognize??
That the bigger the tool... the more stubborn they are.. the longer you have to wait to call them back. The more of a cocky douche bag they are.. the more hard to get you have to be... EVEN as just a friend!!
Josh doesn’t like ANYONE to care too much about him.. he thinks thats too easy and he moves on with his life to a bigger and badder challenge.
You have to NOT talk to him when he wants to talk.. you have to keep it in YOUR court.. and then make him wait!

Play your cards at the RIGHT time.. its not what you do.. its how and when you do it!


The ending of your presentation is probably what they’ll remember the most..
this is right before you ‘get a grade’ on your paper... right before you ‘seal the deal’
If a conclusion only summarizes... if you already read all of it... then its boring!! If your relationship becomes stagnant because you fail to keep things exciting and full of spark.. then you wont seal the deal!
When getting close to committing.. Issue a sort of challenge or call to action.... leave things in THEIR court so they have a sense of ownership and so they feel needed...
I’m not saying use this ‘modernized love’ thing. thats dumb. YOU are the boy.. YOU call us first.. YOU ask US out on the dates...
but once you’ve CLEARLY displayed LOTS of effort (when it gets to that point) sit back for a sec.. and let us come to you.

LIke i said.. we dont want you to play with us.. we dont want guys that JUST play hard to get.. but if you dont’ position yourself in a way that makes you successful.. then girls wont think twice about you.
we WANT to fall in love with you... you just have to HELP us!


Once you learn something.. once you KNOW something... you are held accountable for doing it..
so all you ‘nice guys’ that got alll butt hurt in the last ‘master of disguise’ post... learn to HAVE SWAG.. and you will have no PROBLEM landing the girls! they WILL fall for you if you have swag.. you will beat out all the tools if you have both the nice guy heart and the OG swag of a player... if you know how to play the game and you don’t USE it to MESS with girls... but on the contrary.. you use it to form lasting relationships...

It’s like harry potter and the sorcerer's stone..
anyone who wanted to FIND the stone.. FIND it but NOT use it.. only HE would be able to get it!

You didn’t know when you would EVER use that 14 page rhetorical analysis that you HAD to write in 3rd year English did you..? AND a HP reference...?You’re welcome.

Learn these tools.. and then use them for good. dont be Hitler. be raiders of this lost art..
The art of persuasion is a dangerous power.. use it well..

xoxo
-Callymon