.. Not so Pure Intentions ..

ok. first off. i know i haven't blogged in like a year. so. its good to be back. i apologize.

People always focus on the fact that they had good intentions.. even when things go wrong.. or not the way that they planned.. as long as they MEANT well.. then they assume they're fine.
I'm glad they have an intention- meter.. a bank of good thoughts and plans that they can cash in when they're called the names that they deserve. cuz after i'm done.. that will be the only thing that can save them.
The problem is.. we can't read minds. we can only read actions and reactions.. we read results. we measure progress not from thought.. but from moving forward from one point to another.
They don't give medals to the people that THOUGHT they crossed the finish line first... they give them to the people that ACTUALLY cross it first.
The problem with relationships and love.. is, how do you measure physical things.. or steps.. in a relationship? i mean ya.. i've gone through the.. "friends.. to kind of dating.. to exclusive.. to fb official" list.. But as an actual measure of affection, how do you determine how someone feels about you? And how do you show someone else how you feel about them clearly.. without having to say it? Do we have the "bases" of love? No. someone could be steeling second when the other person thinks they haven't even hit the ball yet.
Last night i was talking to one of my friends, Nick. We were talking about the classic "insert kiss here" moments. How and when do you know if you should go in for the kill..?
I explained to him that you'd have to be STUPID not to know.. girls will definitely let you know when they want you to kiss them!! They put the vibe out there.. and wait for you to pick it up and make it happen! I went OFF on how "the signs are there".. "there is no neutral ground".. thinking i was schooling him.. when he stopped me.. and told me.. that when it came time to kiss me.. (mind you.. we hung out for a YEAR before he kissed me because we were such good friends).. i was completely on neutral ground!! How i didn't send him ANY vibes.. i made him do it all on his own.. and he felt like he was taking a stab in the dark because i was indifferent either way! I sent the vibe that i would totally kiss him back.. but if it didn't happen then we could still be great homies.. and uh.. HELLO... A YEAR?! ya. my bad. i was chastised.

And what happens when you think someone is way into you.. and then all the sudden.. they're not? or they make you look and feel like a fool because you read their intentions wrong?


They'll put out a vibe.. a COMPLETE vibe.. not even a little wave.. but a legit.. earth shattering VIBE.. and then flips it on you? claiming it was her that didn't read him correctly.
I call it.. light the fuse and walk away.

Guys feel like they have the right to pursue you.. while pursuing other people.. leaving any sort of title completely out of the picture to keep themselves unaccountable for their uncertain.. high school feelings of never wanting to settle down... leading you on JUST enough to make YOU not want to screw things up by hanging out or kissing someone else.. but not enough to bring up a DTR (define the relationship) even on the smallest scale in fear that its YOUR fault.. that YOU read THEM wrong.. and to avoid an awkward situation..

This guy Preston was pursuing the CRAP out of my friend Jamie.
we looove how boys come home off their LDS missions and want to jump into anything serious that they can get their hands on.. mm hmm...
So.. preston came home.. and claimed that all he wanted to be..was with Jamie. he wanted HER and NO ONE else. she didn't even have to READ between anything! it was all there in the literature!
So.. even being skeptical.. this dude confessed his love for her.. whats she gonna do? say no? uh.. no. she was in love with the guy. so.. they start dating.. when all the sudden he starts to get sketchy.
When he claimed he wanted to date other people.. but he STILL only wanted to be with Jamie.. she encouraged it! She wanted him to go and date.. to get what she had been doing for 2 years.. out of his system. But. in the mean time.. she obviously went on dates too.
After the second date she went on with someone else.. he flipped. he couldn't handle it.. he HAD to be with her!! so he came crawling back.. claiming that "she was the only one.." and "he couldn't and WOULDN'T share her!". which. ok. she was fine with. once again.. dude.. in front of her.. confessing his love. she took it.
so they went like this for about a month later.. when all the sudden.. he wanted to date other people again... so. being understanding (more than she should've been) she.. once again.. encouraged it. after a couple weeks.. the same thing happened.
you see the cycle.
So. after one of their "on periods" they decided to break up.. cuz uh.. she found out that he had been cheating on her.. but didn't want to say anything.. so they claimed the all- indifferent- non confrontational- classic - "its just not right".. when CLEARLY it wasn't right cuz uh.. duh.. he was a dip-crap.
during their all-epic-3-hour-break-up.. he started telling her that he was sorry that he just was never ready to be in this relationship with her.. and that she was just pushing him too much to be with her.. and he just wanted to take things slow..
ok. WAIT. WHAT? after HE had been the one to bring EVERY ounce of relationship crap up.. all the sudden it was HER fault that they moved too fast? when alllll she did was encourage him to date other people...?
The worst part of it all? she believed him!! she started thinking it was her fault.. that she shouldn't have been so down his throat about being with her.. but even when she told us the story.. she couldn't explain WHY it was her fault..? the manipulative little piece of crap just FLIPPED it on her! he lit the fuse.. and walked away.. leaving her confused.. and alone.

Jamie.. this was NOT your fault. JUST because he's telling people now that you were the one pushing things.. doesn't' make it true. The problem with preston is... he TOLD you his intentions were one thing.. and then he really truly WANTED another thing..
you need to take the ball and put it back in YOUR court. don't let him make you feel insecure and like YOU ruined the relationship, you didn't! even when you broke up.. you have to realize that it wasn't "just not right".. HE wasn't right. THATS why it didn't work out!
You have to remind yourself that you wanted things to end because HE CHEATED ON YOU. it was in no way his decision! he just walked away making you feel like YOU were the one that just got dumped.
Stay strong. and remember the facts. the truth remains. he's a douche.

My friend Alison started hanging out with this guy Brock..
he seemed like he was way into it.. he was super flirty.. he always wanted her to come over and hang out.. they cuddled.. they went on dates.. but they hadn't kissed yet and she couldn't figure out why..
When you saw them together.. it looked like they were a couple.. They frequently went on long soul-bearing drives.. and all looked promising..
but he would not for the life of him.. make a move!!
She didn't know what to do.. or how to call him out on it.. she didn't even know if it was her place to say anything at ALL... so she came here.. to callymon.blogspot.

The problem is.. there are nice guys.. and there are wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Both are equally hard to read.. cuz a 'nice guy'.. can sometimes be interpreted as a 'friendly guy' or a 'pursuer'. You are left with a couple different situations...
Sometimes its in the literature.. that if he wanted to make something happen.. he would've made it happen.. and he's only interested in friendship.
Sometimes.. he just doesn't know what he wants.. so he rides that line of.. do what you can get away with.. without having to put a title or even status on anything. He does this so he can guiltlessly still date other people without ever having to own up to leading you on.. he does this so he can ALWAYS fall back on the fact that 'you read him wrong'. its retarded. but its the truth.
and sometimes.. the friendship that you've developed with this guy.. (i'm assuming you guys are good friends from the time you've spent together) is EXACTLY whats holding him back..

like my case with Nick.. uh.. DUH i wanted him to kiss me.. i had wanted him to kiss me for like 9 months of the year that we hung out with each other.. but because our friendship had gotten so strong.. he didn't want to jeopardize anything. and apparently i was compLETELY retarded and didn't give him enough material to work with.. so he didn't know if i was down.. If he had gone in for the kill.. and i hadn't wanted it.. then our friendship would've been put in an awkward situation. you see the dilemma.
the truth from my side.. is once he didn't kiss me in the beginning.. i really was down to be just friends. we didn't have to kiss for our friendship to be bomb.com.. so i left it where it was.. and i wasn't about to put out the vibes and milk the 'insert kiss here moments' like i would've with someone ELSE... cuz i was worried about the same thing.. what if he didn't WANT to kiss ME? then i would look like a fool.

calling someone out.. even non-verbally.. can be tricky. it definitely caters to each specific instance.
if you're good enough friends that you can joke about it.. push the envelope a little bit.. lay more bait out there and see if he's just being a chicken and he finally picks up on it..

if you've put it out there.. and he STILL hasn't' done anything about it... then you're dealing with a tool. keep him as a friend.. and move on in your love life. then. if he has feelings for you... guys want.. what other guys want.. and maybe it'll spark something in him.
challenge his comfortability.. and his clearly cocky attitude.. if he thinks that YOU don't want HIM.. then maybe he'll finally come after you!

The maturity of guys will ALWAYS mess with us... they ALL go through the 'light the fuse and walk away' phase.. the trick is catching one of them when they get OUT of it.
I honestly don't believe that there is no hope for humanity. i believe that all guys grow out of their retardedness eventually! sometimes they just need periods of being 'big man on campus' and 'playa playa with all their friends worshiping them'.. and then they come around. some later than others.. but patience is the key. Not with any one of them in particular of course...
they do you wrong? you screw them and move on! but be patient with the species in general. They'll come around. You'll find one ready to handle women in general soon i promise. and if not?
i know people.. that know people.. that know people.. that have uncles.. that break knee caps. let me know.

Intentions are great. but its action that determines futures. take some action.. and make your future happen.
For its not who we are.. but what we DO that defines us.

Until Later! xoxox
-Callymon

(modified obviously.. goodness people. you baffle me.)