..Makin the team..

As summer's end gets closer and closer.. many of you will look back and evaluate your summer lovin experience. Whether you got engaged... broke up... got closure.. found new love.. or filled your roster (and canteen).. hopefully your summer was filled with something you could find in one of the cheesy movies that came out this season.
In earlier posts i expressed what my ideal summer of love consisted of.... no steady relationships.. girls nights.. (or guys nights).. parties.. and being constantly on the prowl. As i listen to the evaluation of lots of different summers.... a constant question and issue has popped up..
girls have wanted to be 'dating' a guy they've been dating... but he has had the scarlet P branded into his chest for 'player'..
And guys are so dang confused cuz they think they're NOT a player when they are.. or are being accused of being one when really.. They don't mean to be.. and nobody understands why they've developed this 'bad rep'. well. let me educate you.

As we transition from summer to fall.. we transition from frat season to boyfriend season.
In summer.. we're interested in getting all our friends together and finding a frat of guys with a somewhat equal level of attractiveness.. and number.. to hang out with.. make out with.. and spend 'sunday game night with'.. one weekend at a time. if they have a boat? bonus! a cabin? double bonus!! 6 pack? requirement. You know they're doing the same thing you have been so of course they're playin you... but its more about quantity than quality in the summer. Pretty face..? Slammin bod? They're in! They could REAK of toolness and still make the team.

In fall... we go from all this free time and sun clouding our once clear vision.. to cracking down on the school books... putting the glasses on to avoid the tools we've tolerated for the last couple months.. requiring more than a boating bod to get on our new fall roster..
We want someone we can study with.. cuddle with on rainy days.. hold hands with on campus.. and take home to mom and dad for sunday dinners. We weed out the players.. cuz during finals week who really has time to creep on the low low to find out who else your boyfriend has been dating? really? no one.
We need someone we can trust with math homework.. and our hearts.. that we know we dont have to worry about when we have to study late.. that their 'study dates' are nothing to go all black-ops for.

Because we're coming out of the critical summer season.. that I not only encouraged.. but deemed as a necessary phase for all singles to experience.. this blog is purely informational. I'm not chastising those who qualify as players.. i'm just telling you to face the music.. own up to your player status.. and change it if you want to grow up and move on with your life. If you choose to keep your player status through out the fall... you'll be like those chicks that wear booty shorts and uggs in december.. in a snow storm.... you'll look like an idiot and be completely out of season. really? no one wants that!

SO.
I've recently had chats with several of my guy friends that start out... 'ok... what do YOU think a player is?? this chick keeps telling me i'm a player! and i'm NOT!!!'
They then go on to tell me how they've dated and kissed a different girl every night this summer.. but it just 'didn't work out with any of them' so 'why should they be called a player?'

The first thing that guys.. and girls.. need to realize.. is that, like tools, there are different levels of player status.
If you ask a guy on the Utah Football team if he's a 'football player'.. whether he's 20th string QB or he starts every game... he's gonna say 'YES!!!'.. probably yell something at you like 'we must protect this house'... or grunt real loud while beating his chest.
He could technically sit the bench every.single.game. and still call himself a football player.. and would we question it? no!
Like i said.. there are different levels of players.. and all kinds make up the team.. all kinds play the game.

A girl doesn't want a guy that doesn't date ANYBODY! Practice makes professional.. and we want to date someone that knows what they're doing! Someone that's figured out what they want.. so they don't confuse us as we attempt to read their minds and figure it out!
It's hard to be with someone that's never been in a relationship.. cuz they are unaware of the common knowledge and in's and outs of what's expected of them... It's not impossible! but it makes things difficult. We look for someone that is well learned in the art of 'Prince charmingness'. However... this Prince Charmingness often times comes at a price.
I know a lot of you homies didn't realllly like that post that i claimed that nice guys with swag are often times wolves in sheep's clothing.. that they are just the BIGGER tools that have figured out the exact cologne they need to mask the tool stench they reek of. Sorry that i hit too close to home on that one.... but understand.. that if a guy is so good at what he does... we can't help but wonder if you've had WAAAAY too much practice!
We're attracted to the suaveness of a well seasoned dater... and then we get scared that they're playing us.. because lets be honest.. you can't get THAT good at it takin one chick at a time..

As much as i would love to give you an exact list to help you decipher 'whether or not you're dating a player'... we're not in high school anymore.. therefore the signs are MUCH harder to recognize.. and prove.. But i can give you some helpful tips.. both of you.

Guys...
You honestly don't understand why you've been pinned down as the player type? Are you demented?
If you are dating and kissing several girls at a time.. or even back to back to back.. then news flash... you ARE a player.
The common rebuttal to this statement is.. that you're in hot pursuit of finding something you like.. someone you want to DATE.. but you simply haven't found them yet.. and you just HAPPEN to be weeding through them at a rapid rate...
I know you think that if you're not in a relationship that you are doing nothing wrong by dating EVERYONE... and hey.. you're right.. you're NOT doing anything wrong... but you're also a player.
Like i said before.. this is informative because during the summer? its totally ok! you've had fun! you've taken out every girl that looks like a victoria secret model... hey.. you've even taken out the ugly friend.. you've kissed them all (practice makes professional) and you've been ok with it!!
But now is the time to change. Or you will go from PLAYER.. to ALLSTAR.. to.. heaven forbid... PROVO ALLSTAR.

If you're doing any version of this routine.. sorry.. but you can't escape the player status.. cuz in all reality.. you ARE a player.. you CAN however.. lessen your player position.
The level of playerness is all based on intent.
The rule is... you can pursue 1 chick at a time. I know this seems a little extreme. and you think i'm on crack. But come on... 1.girl.at.a.time!
The whole 'recreational dating thing' is so 13th grade. knock it off. its time to grow out of going on a date because you a) want a free dinner.. or if you're a guy.. b.) want to fill your dating quota for the week. dating just to date is pointless.. you're wasting their time.. your money. If you have no interest in someone.. don't take them out! save your money for someone you would want to be with! If you meet someone.. could see yourself in a potential relationship with them based on the knowledge and information you've been provided with... then take them on a date!
After the first date.. if you see it going ANYWHERE.. GIVE IT A FAIR SHOT!!! don't move on to the next bimbo coming off the assembly line just so you can get your numbers up there! If you see it working out AT ALL.. unless they give you a reason to doubt the success of a future ANYTHING with this person... pursue THAT girl before moving on to her hot best friend or older sister.

If you go on a date with this person that you were actually interested in.. and then find out that you are definitely NOT interested in associating with them after that one torturous date.. THEN move on to the next one!

Girls...
You have to understand that even if a guy WANTS to be in a relationship with someone.. he doesn't always hit the bullseye on the first shot. He HAS to take out a few girls before he finds 'the one' that he wants to make his chick. If he's gone on dates with a few chicks before you.. and kissed a few chicks before you... you can't burn him at the stake. It happens! It will ALWAYS happen..
Even if they've gone through a few chicks at a rapid rate.. if he is actively pursuing ONE AT A TIME.. then he's ok to take at face value. He may be a player by DEFINITION.. but his heart is in the right place.
If he's dating JUST to date.. then he's a moron. or he's been in pure SUMMER mode and needs a good slapping to pull him out of it.
If they're in the process of transitioning from frat season to boyfriend season.. don't judge them on their past. It was SUMMER.. DUH. Be honest with them... without throwing a DTR their way..
Tell them that.. no you're not trying to dtr them.. you aren't trying to jump into some crazy relationship.. but you only hang out and date ONE person at a time and you would appreciate getting on the same page.. if that's not what they're about.. then YOU decide if you wanna mess with playa playa..
If you are dating other people.. and they're dating other people.. then shut up. you're a player too. give the dude a break.
if they claim they're the same.. and then lie.. then duh.. dump that homie.
and if they walk away from you.. they're retarded and didn't deserve your time.

While talking to different guys that have been offended with their player status.. they claim that 'every guy must be a player!'.. and 'Duh.. then GIRLS are players too!'..
guys.. you're right. Every guy that isn't in a relationship.. and is dating and kissing several girls.. is in fact a player. don't deny it. you look like a retard.

I've said it once.. i'll say it a million times.. the success in every relationship depends on the communication skills involved in it.
If two people are kept on the same page throughout whatever phase of dating they’re in... there wont be hurt feelings.. there wont be misunderstandings.. there will simply BE.
Its when a guy tries to hide that he's dating other people.. or tells a girl JUST what she wants to hear that gets him in trouble.

Yes. some people go on ONE date.. with ONE person.. fall madly in love.. and live happily ever after...
if thats how it worked all the time.. dating wouldn't suck so bad. In EVERY case.. a guy is going to have a list of girls he's dating searching for the right chick.. and every girl will have a trail of broken hearts behind her.. whether they be others.. or her own..
Don't pass on something that could be amazing just because you've heard they're a player.. judge the situation for yourself. Hopefully they're honest with you about it.. cuz if they're not. you shouldn't be with them anyway.
Every player is tamed eventually. You could be his last first date.


until later!
xoxo
-Callymon