I truly believe that knowledge is power.
We begin our scholastic journeys together at a young age. As they spoon feed us material from the given curriculum, we soak up the possibilities of our futures among peers.. dreaming of what lies ahead.
The knowledge we are provided with varies very little, offering power for the masses, and little opportunities for educational and preferential expression. As we grow and blossom in our educational careers, we are provided with more options, adding forks and exits to what has been up to this point, a pretty straight and narrow path. Through Jr. High and High School we pick and choose our schedules and what classes we'll most likely skip weekly.. and then we get to college. Areas of literal expertise are ours for the choosing. Blank road maps that will lead anywhere we are willing to imagine. At this collegiate level, our horizon broadens and we, if we choose to listen, learn about ourselves in entirely new ways.
At this age, we are expected to sit down and decide who and what matters to us, and what exactly we are willing to do and sacrifice in order to get it.
No pressure right? Oh no worries... they've provided us with every kind of class you can imagine to help us figure it out! I mean, when in the middle of an emotional, spiritual, physical, or intellectual crisis, who doesn't think "man i'm glad i took that synchronized swimming 101 class" or "WWSD.. what would shakespeare do?!".
I am so grateful for opportunities to learn and for classes that allow you to follow dreams and make possibilities realities... but what then? Where are our classes on stress.. love.. fear...heartbreak.. the 15 uses of nutella.. decision making..? What text book do we turn to with equations of the heart and soul? WIth questions of identity and purpose?
We learn all of these things.. and then don't know what to do with them. You're a doctor... you spend like half your life in medical school.. you graduate... get a great job... your life is planned out for you.... the end? You study to become an accountant.. political dictator.. seasoned writer... public relations guru.. rock star... and then what? Your life becomes puppies and rainbows? No. Logic makes sense. It can be measured and taught. Formulas and equations can be taught.. strategies learned.. It all makes sense once you understand it.
If we truly believe.. which i do.. that the things that matter the most in life are people.. not things... relationships.. not reason.. then why do we fail to educate the masses on the things that will make us the happiest?
If only... if only..they offered love 101... decision making 305... fulfilling your potential 900.. secrets of the universe 112... creating a purposeful identity 760.. we would be prepared to face LIFE not just OCCUPATION.
The text books of love that we're fed along with our logic, are the fairy tales that give us what? "and they lived happily ever after..".. alright homies... prove it.
Where are the movies that show you what happens after they fall in love and have the big kiss? The only thing we're taught about love.. is that it's full of sparkles and fireworks.. and when you KNOW.. you just KNOW.
Does that sound logical to anyone? no. And because we're taught to believe this.... we only look for sparkly relationships in where we get rainbows and puppies.. and disregard the ones that bring any form of discomfort or fear. We immediately jump to conclusions that something is wrong with THIS relationship because we're too scared or stubborn to move anywhere with it.. and hey now... cinderella was never SECOND GUESSING HERSELF when she was dancing on glass and off marrying prince charming!! They just sparkled and shined right down the isle.. and on into... "ever after... happily.."..obviously.
The reality of love... is that everyone is afraid of it. No one will admit that they were terrified or unwilling to change to make things work.. they claim that they followed the model of sparkly butterflies that led them straight to their prince.
Let's throw those love text books out the window and write our own. One's full of logic and reason that both our mind and hearts understand.
The best place to start... is with ourselves.
Kindergarten: Customizing relationships.
I was a part of a very interesting discussion tonight. 2 guys and 2 girls, not looking to date any one of the other (at least as far as i know) sat down and talked about relationships. Our individual needs, wants, expectations, and past experiences. I was genuinely surprised at how different we were.
The interesting part came when we started talking about what we were looking for, and what we felt people should see in us.
Stop what you're doing right now. Imagine that you have the opportunity to tell someone exactly how to love you. Not necessarily explaining your perfect companion.. but you are to explain to someone else how to make you fall in love with them.. and how exactly you want to be loved back.
I wanted someone to value my independence, who was able to be their own person, and be secure enough be alone with themselves in a room and not feel uncomfortable.
One of the guys wanted someone that would always be with them and want to be with them, not necessarily having to carry on conversation or even touching... but to be physically around them all the time.
The other girl wanted a guy that was in her face all the time that she would never ever get sick of.
The other guy wanted someone to want him.. but didn't necessarily need to be with her all the time, like he wanted her to need to.
Figure yourSELF out, what you want, what you need, what you're willing to compromise.. find out how to love YOU.. and then don't be afraid to communicate that.
This first lesson needs to be that every person you meet is so incredibly different from anyone you've ever known.. and as far as i know... nobody reads minds. You may find yourself ruling out relationships that could be wonderful based on the fact that you expected something out of it, that you didn't communicate.
You have the ability to love and be loved exactly how you want to be. So figure it out.. take yourself on a date and get to know YOU. if you don't know you... you're gonna confuse EVVERRRYYONE else trying to get to know the undecided opinion-less bafoon that you look at in the mirror. This isn't just for single people, anyone in or out of a relationship should take the time to get to know the person they actually are, as opposed to the person they assume they've always been. Customize your love like you customize your personality. Make it one of a kind, and perfect for the people in the relationship.
1st Grade: Some times things happen.
Honestly, after all these years, i still believe in everything happens for a reason. However, my understanding of the phrase has changed.
I believe that understanding, and providing understanding, is the key to every relationship in your life. If you can try to provide the logic and emotion behind decisions you've made or are making in a relationship... WHY you over reacted.. WHY you don't want to continue dating someone.. how you came to the conclusions that you did... you may even talk yourself out of your own stupidity and see that you didn't make sense.. and you need to change something.
Understanding is all i can ever ask for.
However.
The new understanding that i've come to understand..... is that sometimes.... things happen.. and you're left guessing. Sometimes people don't provide logical explanations for what they do and how they act. Sometimes.... you don't understand.
And in these cases.. before you get frustrated.. and start building walls and digging holes in your heart.. try to learn to let things go. accept that maybe you'll never understand... but that all is well that ends well.... and you have just been provided an opportunity to rewrite your own happy ending.
I'm not saying you have to celebrate when something doesn't work out that you wanted to... i'm not sadistic.. or retarded... I"m just saying that rather than search for unattainable understanding of the unfathomable... let it go.. and dive in to something.. or someone else.
don't let it forever affect your ability to form lasting.. trusting relationships. You'll be fine. I promise.
2nd Grade: A little give.. a little take.
Please consider in love.. that everyone needs to talk.... and everyone needs to listen. Generally.. people are better at one.. and worse and the other. If you're a giver... work on being able to accept someone else doing something for you... if you're a taker... work on the ability to give someone more of yourself than you take from them.
If you are good at talking.. don't talk. Listen.
If you're good at listening.. don't just listen.. express your thoughts and feelings.
Stretching yourself in a relationship.. will only make you more invested in what you have with that person. It will allow you to balance yourself out in someone else.. and help teach you to need someone else.
As much as i could go on up into the high school years... and help all of us graduate with the heart of another.... it's like 3 am.
We all don't need lessons on how to make someone fall in love with us.... or how to make ourselves fall in love with someone else... there are plenty of past blogs for that.
The hard part is getting it to go both ways. and there are no books for that.
If we can constantly strive to be the best kind of person we can imagine ourselves to ever be... our love lives will never fail us. If we love the way that we want to be loved... and surround ourselves with people we actually want to be with.. as opposed to people we think we should be with.. one day.. we'll have happily ever after.
Look first at the faults in yourself before accusing someone else of being the problem in your relationships.. and never compromise who you are for who you think someone else wants you to be.
There's making things work... and making things worse. And giving up yourself in the process of looking for someone else.. is retarded.
Feel free to add your own chapters to our love/life book! There are many grades to go in our school of life and love.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
