No Big Deal Just Clean it Up

A younger version of me sat at a fancy restaurant with my family. As we were one of two exceptions to the couples on romantic dates in the restaurant we drew a little bit of attention. My brother and sisters and I practiced our perfect table manners our parents took such pride in grilling into our heads, loving the 'may i pleases' and 'thank yous'.. millions of forks.. and waitresses dressed like a million dollars. We loved the ladies in their diamonds and the men in their best suits.. the older couples looking like comfortable old pros calling their favorite waiters by name.. the younger ones with nervous looks on their faces.. awaiting the doom of having to pronounce the chef's special of the night in front of a date they promised that they spoke fluent french.
After the initial shock of kids walking into this pish-posh place wore off.. those around us saw that we weren't there to cause dennis-the-mennace worthy chaos.. and all but forgot we were there. That is, until yours truly.. with my 7 year old short arms of destruction.. reached across the table to grab a roll.. knocking over my root beer and water, spilling brown stains all over the perfect white table cloth.
Silence filled the restaurant as all eyes turned to my parents.
Each couple slowly imagined a different fate for this poor little girl with still so much life to live... would my dad whip out the belt right here just to show his respect for the posh-level of where we were?! ... would i be forced to sit in the car..? Would they have me wash dishes.. or at least table clothes until my hands were to wrinkly to move?! .. i could even see one old man screaming 'run child.. run!!' in his eyes.
They watched and waited.. hearts beating in their ears.. while my dad, without skipping a beat, turned to me and said, 'McCall... what do we say when we spill..?'
With a care-free expression.. that should've been a dead giveaway to the punishment awaiting.. i looked up at my dad with big happy eyes.. giggled a little bit.. and said 'no big deal just clean it up!'
As a child i learned that if something was broken.. you fix it. 'No big deal just clean it up!' .. and move on. You don't fester about it... you don't let it build in your mind until it consumes you.. you don't pull the belt out and scar you and the transgressor to make sure the mistakes are remembered.. you clean it up.. and let it go.

Somewhere in my young adulthood this idea got distorted.
'No big deal just clean it up!'.. became.. 'WHAT!!!!! you're KIDDING?!... what have i DONE!??!.. ahhh!! the world is gonna end as we know it!!!!! hide ya wife.. hide ya kids.. im gonna DIE!!" then clean it up and yet still think... "can you see that nonexistent stain? ew cuz i can.. even the memory of that disgusting root beer stain makes me cringe.. ARE YOU STARING AT THAT SPOT?! eew.. you're totally judging me for spilling that root beer.. oh you can't see it..? ITS RIGHT THERE!!!"
Every mistake in the younger years was almost immediately forgotten.. and most of the time not even brain-logged as a mistake.. they were just events that happened throughout my day or my life that didn't get more brain space or worry than they deserved. Every mistake in the latter years became some earth shattering experience to journal about... something to make sure i remembered so as to NEVER DO IT AGAIN.. something to learn from.. something to tattoo on my forehead.. worry about.. fester over.. and consume my every thought until the next mistake was made.

Mistakes.. misfortune... heartache.. loss.. all things we once had learned to clean up and move on from.. have become the things that consume us.. control us.. break us.. and make us the people we are today.
Is it a bad thing? Not necessarily.. people really do and should learn from mistakes and heartache.. the breaking down is definitely character building and all that jazz.. but Is it a choice? Yes. and i think we've chosen wrong.

You can learn the same lesson from acknowledging and moving on as you can from shattering your world.. altering your universe.. slitting your wrists.. and hiding in a hole until you run out of blood to bleed and tears to cry.
I think people think that in order to make something worth the time you put into it.. it has to have a huge dramatic ending. That if you don't mourn the loss of the boy that just broke your heart then you didn't care enough... that input equals output. The more you put in.. the harder and longer it's gonna take you to get over it. Then.. if you do get over it.. and you don't feel like it was an adequate enough amount of time.. you drag it on.. putting yourself through more misery until you feel like you were sad enough for long enough.. that you've earned the right to move on.
People think that it's the sad.. bad.. depressing.. and miserable moments in their lives that make them great. The 'rise above syndrome'. And because of this thought process they believe that the sadness deserves the most attention because it's the most beneficial to their greatness in the end. that's retarded.

No big deal... just clean it up.
No I'm not a robot that's like.. man up! rub some dirt in it! heartbreak isnt that bad!!
duh. you've read my blog for how long now? you know im pro-pity-party. i know heartbreak sucks.
but take exactly the time you need to get over it.. and then remove it from your life. don't self sabotage. don't compare every boy and every relationship to the tragic one you just got out of.. you'll never allow yourself to be happy! you'll be so stuck in the past that nothing in the present will seem good enough.
By carrying the mess and baggage from the past.. you're not giving your current relationships even a fair chance.. cuz you now will associate the bad from the last relationship.. along with the sadness.. to your current state of mind with the new people in your life.

My friend Elizabeth went through her very own 'break up of her life' recently. The ones that you'll never forget.. the one that everyone has at least 1 of.. that consumes your entire existence. After mourning for almost 3 months.. she felt like she was truly over it and she started dating again. With every new boy she became interested in.. she felt guilty for being so happy.. she would stop herself in her tracks... have an anti-social-chick-flick-night and drown her sorrows in taylor swift songs and nutella.
She would bring up all the sadness of her last broken heart episode.. talk about expecting the worse... and then come to the conclusion that she 'just wasn’t happy with this new boy'.. that she 'found herself just like... sad.. all the time.. and that's not a good sign'.
Uh... duh you dipflip. you THINK you're sad all the time.. therefore... YOU'RE SAD ALL THE TIME!!! clean it up.. and MOVE ON.
You are sabotaging any chance of any and every new relationship that comes into your life. you've mourned.. you've dealt. if you're not over it.. then take more time to cleanse it out of your system.. if you are.. then BE over it.. don't keep coming back to it!
You don't have to KEEP learning from that mistake of a boy.. you've learned.. you've logged it.. now put it in the archives and live your life.

There's always gonna be heartache... there's always gonna be pain... hey. we're human. it comes with the territory.. But choosing to make it simply another part of your life as opposed to the very experiences and emotions that will break us.. mold us... and make us into soldiers.. will serve each of us greatly.

Yes. learn from your mistakes.. become better individuals from every experience given to you.. but don't dwell on the negative.. that will get you nowhere and nothing but sadness. It's not 'the sadder you are.. the stronger you are'.. happy people are strong people too!! they may even be stronger for choosing a more productive way to live. It doesn't mean they have less trials.. they just choose to say 'no big deal just clean it up!'.
Be ok with being ok.. and you'll be ok.

Until Later
xoxo
-Callymon

The Dark Knight

The definition of a hypocrite is "a person who pretends to be what he/she is not". So. for something to be hypocritical, it appears as one thing, yet it is really another.

There are righteous hypocrites and wicked hypocrites.. appearing to be something or do something.. but below the surface.. they fake the world out.
The hypocrites that we think about when the word comes to mind are the people that are preaching one thing and practicing another... like the preacher cheating on his wife that stands in front of a congregation preaching morality. The girl who claims she hates gossip in one breath and in the next she can't wait to get a rumor off her chest. The boy who says he'll never commit that walks away from the girl that decides to date other people.
All of them hypocritical in nature and practice. All of them pretending to be something they're not, condemning others for their flaws as they hide behind their smokescreens.

This is where we get phrases like.. "if you love someone let them go.. if they come back they're yours.. if not.. they were never yours to begin with"
Now.. i know in previous blogs i've argued FOR this phrase.. saying that hey.. its bloody true. Sometimes you have to let go and in order to realize the value of what you're holding on to. But today.. i have a different take on it.
Everyone in the single world claims that they hate games... yet we all play them until we're blue in the face. We all pretend to be something that we're not.. hiding our real reasons for doing what we do... lying to the face of love.. claiming to be tougher.. or sometimes weaker.. than we really are in order to get ahead in 'the game'. Hiding vulnerability... faking vulnerability.. putting a mask on to hide the real emotions that could legitimately get us hurt if we revealed them. Everyone plays. Everyone is hypocritical... and everyone whines about it. If everyone that claimed they hated games didn't play them.. the league would be out of business. so. i know you hate games.. so do i. stop playing them or shut up about it.
The thing that i've come to realize is... you wont play chicken with something you truly care about. You wont 'lead someone on' if you actually want to be with them.. you'll just be with them. You wont text someone if you don't wanna talk to them. And if you do.. sooner or later you'll either break down and text them.. or you'll realize the same thing holds true with them.. that they don't wanna talk to you.. or they would be texting you.
Do i think that games are stupid? yes. However, do i feel like they're completely necessary? Absolutely. The length of time that the games consume your relationship.. depends on the relationship.
Games are played until the level of like.. or the level of love.. is mutual. Once you both surrender the upper hand.. once you hit the point that you don't care if you have the 'power of caring less' card in your hand anymore.. and decide that you both actually care if the other walks away.. you both stop threatening to.
Once you want this person to be a part of you.. you stop the hypocritical behavior.. stop pretending to be something that you're not.. and you start being everything that you ARE.

You wouldn't walk away from something if you were truly afraid of losing it. If you cared about it THAT much.. you wouldn't let it out of your sight.
The phrase above only is valid BEFORE the level of love becomes mutual. If the other person cares less about you.. and you're holding on for dear life.. then yes. you need to let them go and allow them the time to realize that they need to come back. and if they don't.... then you never really had them in the first place. You tipped the scale by putting more into the love balance.. and you need to find someone that will put just as much into your relationship as you do.

In the definition of a hypocrite... it doesn't say.. "a person who pretends to be what he is not.. and hurts people because of it"... sometimes the only person the hypocrite hurts is themselves.. The definition leaves it at a person fooling those around them, hiding behind one thing in order to hide another. It never claims that you have to be preaching something good and doing something bad.


It's easy to believe that in a competition driven world that nobody in their right mind would do something if it didn't benefit them in some way. That a true self-less human being is a myth and farce.. and maybe that's true. But what about Robin Hood, Mother Teresa, Ghandi,Bat-Man.. the true Dark Knight, and the 98 Degrees song 'the hardest thing'..? Do people just FORGET about these incredible contributors to society?!

Robin Hood..a thief.. an outlaw... a hunted man that wealthy man fear and powerful men hate. A man that steals from the rich and gives to the poor. A man determined to bring justice to a world that justice overlooks. A man determined to level the playing field a little bit.

Bat Man.. being exactly what the city of Gotham needs. Not exactly a hero.. but exactly that at the same time. Saving the world one guts-out move at a time... doing what others refuse to, in order to get the results that benefit the same people that refuse to act.

Nick bloody Lachey that pretends he doesn't love a woman in order to allow her to get someone better for her than himself.. knowing that she would never walk away from him.. so he leaves her.. ending the best thing that's ever happened to him because he knows she can do better. He knows he cares less.. so he knows he has to walk away.

All of these heroic men wear masks in order to not only make their job easier.. but to make it possible. Giving themselves the responsibility and burden of living a double life.

My friend Susan recently got out of a bad relationship. After being best friends with him for 2 years.. she dated her recent ex boyfriend Nick for 15 months. At the beginning.. he pursued her HARD... he wanted all of these things.. promised her all of those things.. and made it seem like he wasn't going anywhere. He presented her with a perfect 'Lizzie - Gordo' relationship.. that he was gonna love her no matter what.. for however long.. until she felt the same. That he wasn’t.. no matter what happened.. gonna give up.. he loved her.. and would forever.
Suz didn't take it for granted.. sure she dollied around for a month or two.. trying to make the transition in her brain and heart from best friend - to lover.. but by 2 months into it.. she was having a hard time holding the upper-hand card at all. She realized that she cared just as much about Nick as he did about her. and she slowly started to take off her hypocritical mask.. slowly started to stop pretending to be something that she wasn't.. and she let her guard down.
Happily ever after seemed in her near future... her troubles and douche bag ex boyfriends in her wake.. and she allowed herself to be happy. At the 13th month mark... Nick turned the tables on her so fast.. her head is still spinning. First, he claimed that he wanted to be 'less-official'.. saying that they had forever ahead of them.. they didnt need to be in any sort of a rush to be together. Then.. he decided that they probably shouldn't see each other so much.. so that 'they didn't get sick of each other'.
At the end of the month.. after putting her through psychological hell.. He finally told her.. that he liked dating her.. but he never wanted to marry her.. so keeping her at arms length was probably the best thing for both of them. He didnt want her to GO anywhere.. the best friend relationship that they started out with would still benefit them both.. but the title.. and commitment of it all.. seemed a lot less attractive to him now. So at arms length is where he wanted her.. loving her at a distance. He claimed that all along.. he had never wanted to marry her.. he saw a peak of their relationship far before they reached it.. but he kept dating her.. balancing out the mutual love level.. until he saw the scale tip at her wanting a future with him.. and him remembering that he had no such plans with her.
He pretended to be something he wasn't.. truly in love with her.

Now. the story begins.
Suz got out of this relationship about a year ago. having suffered serious psychological trauma.. she took herself out of the scene and out of the game for a while.. After 4 months she decided she needed to force herself to date again.. kind of like the pilot that crashes and immediately gets in a plane.. she figured if she didn't start soon.. she'd be forever scared.. and die alone. (ps.. arms length relationship? ya right. she walked away from that moron) at 5 months she found herself dating one boy, Sean, over and over again. After 3 weeks of spending most of their time together.. they had the mutual.. unwritten.. sort of unspoken.. 'togetherness' about them.. They weren't dating other people... because they didn't have time to with all the time they spent together.
Suz wasn’t in the place where she wanted to be in love again.. she kind of had the screw-love-mentality still.. but she figured after being traumatized and falling so hard.. she needed practice. She needed to practice being with someone else without playing the tough girl she did before Nick came into her love life. She needed practice at vulnerability without running away from someone. She basically needed a stand in boyfriend to help her get over her issues and prepare her for being with someone else.
wellllp. Without even trying.. she found herself in a position where Sean was filling that roll in her life. Did she see herself marrying the kid? no. Did she see herself even seriously dating the dude? psh.. nahh. but he was fun.. he took her on lots of great dates.. and he was letting her practice being in love.. without actually caring.

Wellllll... first off.. Suz is a stone cold fox.. and second.. while she 'wasn't caring'.. she was being completely herself. And the combination of the two.. had Sean falling all over himself. The more time he spent with Suz.. the more he fell in love with her. They never really talked about their relationship and where they stood.. but he figured that it was building from both ends.. and would soon meet in the middle.. with the scale balanced.. and them in completely in love.
After 2 months of spending every day together.. Sean decided to test the 'mutual-love-waters'.. and bring up them being together...
'do you like me?' and 'do you see us like.. ya know.. being together' were the questions that filled Suz's texting inbox, as Sean, first off.. wasn't 'boyfriend material' in Suz's eyes partly contributed by the fact that he loved having these conversations via text messages.. and second, wasn't ready to hear the answers in person.
Suz.. in her practice mindset answered 'yes' cuz.. first off.. she did like Sean.. he was great! they had a lot of fun! and.. technically.. she would have to be closing her eyes for most her life to not 'see' them together.. so she figured.. what the heck.. sure.

over the next little bit.. Suz had Deja vu of a relationship not erased from her memory yet.. a relationship where.. one person had no interest in actually BEING with the other person.. yet led them on to believe that they did because they genuinely enjoyed spending time with that person. She also remembered the outcome of the relationship and the pain that came from the reality of the situation.. even though the honesty should've been refreshing.. that the enjoyment factor.. and the casual nature should've been no big deal... there was a lot of hurt when the scale tipped.

Suz.. not wanting to be a hypocrite, pretending to be something she wasn't, any longer.. decided that she needed to walk away. The hard thing was.. there was no reason to walk away from Sean.. she was having fun! She was enjoying herself! Yet.. she saw that too-familiar look in his eye.. and she knew that the scale had tipped, and she had no intention of balancing it out.
Suz became the Dark Knight.. the Robin Hood.. giving up her own happiness for the overall goodness and happiness of the situation. She walked away in order to save a heartache she knew too well. And she really did hurt because of it. She now understood why Nick wanted to keep her at arms length.. cuz that's exactly where she wanted Sean. But she wasn't about to ask him to stay there.

There is good.. and there is bad.. There is hurt.. and there is joy.
The world is pretty black and white. Overall happiness.. although is hard to see at times.. is what's important in the end. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own happiness in order to give someone what they deserve.. someone to balance out their own scale. Sometimes as fun as it is to have someone obsessed with you.. you need to find someone you're just as obsessed with. Being a hypocrite doesn't always mean that you're doing something hurtful intentionally.. But a lot of heartache and pain would be prevented if we never pretended to be something we weren't. Don't pretend to care more than you do.. it is just as bad as pretending to care less than you do. Both instances lead you to places you don't wanna be. By wearing a mask.. you'll never get the right shade of make up. By pretending.. faking people out.. and putting on a hypocritical show.. you'll never get what you want.. and what you deserve.
So. Dark Knight or not.. take off the mask. Go to the places you never thought YOU would go.. before vowing to go to the places no man has. Allow yourself to be in love.. and when you're not.. be ok with walking away from it in order to let someone else find their own happy ending. Stop the hypocrisy and find the person that's right for YOU.. as opposed to the person that's right for who you're pretending to be.

Until Later xox
-Callymon

. . The 6th Sense . .

Every date we go on... every new potential lover we meet.. every crazy friend with a crazy set up idea you know you're gonna be forced to go on at the end of the day... all wanna know one question..
"so... what are you looking for in the opposite sex?"
To this question we have many answers.. all of which we believe to be true.
If you're talking to your best friend from high school that you, side by side filled the shallower end of your roster with . your answer usually goes something like... attractive.. sexy.. ryan gosling-like.. hot friends.. has swag.. drives a range rover.. all that good stuff.
When talking to someone on a date.. if you like them.. or could see yourself liking them.. your answers usually cater to their physical appearance.. occupation.. and what you know about their thoughts and feelings on things.
"weird... that's what you're looking for? well honey.. here i am!!!"
we all wanna be loved.. our brain takes the easier route by telling ourselves.. and the person we're with that.. "we must be DESTINED to be together! look at that.. you have EVERYTHING i'm looking for!"
If you're on a date with someone that has turned sour.. or that you never want to go out with again... you make your list IMPOSSIBLE to meet.
"oh ya know... some form of professional athlete.. in the peace core.. loves back packing.. has his massage therapist license... in culinary school.. loves to clean.. is a professional nanny in his spare time.. single handedly solved world hunger.. just simple things like that.... "
If you're on the rebound.. you want someone to make you feel less lonely.. more important.
If you're not even close to wanting to talk about marriage.. or avoiding it like the plague.. you're just looking for someone you can have a good time with..

We ask... we get asked... and we answer. But when no one else is watching... no one is asking.. and you finally realize that it's not who has the most impressive.. or hardest list to meet.. it's not a competition to see who can be the hardest person to be with.. When we sit down on a thursday night with the lights off.. alone.. contemplating the wonders of the universe and actually ask ourselves... what am i looking for in someone? How do we answer the only person that matters and the only person we can't lie to? What gets added to our list then? what gets removed??

I've said before that everyone that you date has a purpose at that given time in your life... but is that enough?
We're at the point in our lives that we're supposed to choose someone that we can spend the rest of forever with... how on EARTH are we supposed to make THAT decision?!

My friend Candice is one of those self-sabotaging types. She doesn't like to let herself be happy.. because she doesnt' want to get comfortable in something or someone that wont last.
Happiness is a scary word to her.
What if love is blind? What if her loneliness makes her make decisions that will matter more in the future than they do at the time she makes them? What if she mistakes substance for love?

On my couch a couple nights ago.. candice started venting about her current situation:
Candice loved this boy named Chris for almost 2 years. He was perfect on paper.. with her parents.. they liked to have the same kind of fun.. could talk about anything spiritual without having that uncomfortable 'dont wanna offend someone' vibe.. He fit perfectly into her life.
But. when the 'non-stagnant-relationship-movement' (see previous blog) took its toll on their relationship.. he decided that he no longer wanted to be with candice. That he loved her.. but forever was a long time.. and there were things (that he wouldn't mention) that he just couldn't live with forever.
As you can imagine.. Candice was crushed. She made the vow that many girls do... to never get hurt like that again.. and by doing so took herself out of the dating game for almost a full year.
Now... a couple months ago.. hot little candice decided to grace us all with her presence.. and boyyyyyyy was she on fiiiireeeeee.
For 3 1/2 weeks she was on a date with a different guy every single night. (i mean really? who goes out on a tuesday?.. oh ya.. candice.) It was disgusting how dialed in she was! Then one day.. she decided that she wanted something more stable than that. She wanted a boyfriend.
So.. she picked one of the boys she had gone out with and decided that he was now gonna be her boyfriend. (if only life were that easy for everyone... haaate her.)
John... the lucky winner of Candice's attention and love for the moment.. and Candice started hanging out more and more.. going out more and more.. Candice would turn down other date options.. and john kept asking. It was exactly how she had imagined it. The all dreaded loneliness that girls stay up late and cry about with their friends while snuggling in bed together.. was gone. The void.. filled. Everything was going great.

Now. we get to a couple nights ago on my couch...
Before Candice realized it... 5 months had gone by. Were they fun? absolutely! Was she lonely? Not at all. Was john the perfect date? over and over again.
But when you live in a state where everyone thinks the ship is goin down and you gotta grab someone and get off... marriage is bound to cross your mind after that long.. or at least get brought up in every single conversation you have - casual or not.
Candice said they hadn't even become official yet but it was right around the corner and she was gonna need to make some decisions in the next little bit about actually wanting to be with john or not..

Could she see herself marrying him? It wasn't even about that when they started hanging out! She couldn't even answer that question..
She was lonely.. he was there. and not just there... he was wonderful! But marriage? forever? Thats a long - A time! It wasn't that he was a filler... but he was doing just that.. occupying her mind and her heart... wasn't that enough for right now?
So. I calmed her down... put another scoop of creme brule ice cream in her now blabbering mouth.. and asked her the question....
What are you looking for in the man of your dreams? What are you looking for in your happily ever after? What does your future require for you to be constantly happy? Can john give you those things?

our once list of.. 'sexy abs' and 'man handling capabilities' all the sudden took a different turn.
We became CSI relationship.. dissecting every possibility and need for each others futures.

How did we want our children to be raised? How did John grow up? Would he understand the same things that Candice had been raised on?
What would happen when they fought? was this lonely void that he filled enough to keep them going when they hated each other?
Were the things that were important to Candice important to John?


Then we got to the next layer...
If the answer to any of these questions was no... did that mean that they needed to break up? Was there a time line she needed to follow before worrying about leading him on too much about forever?
People date for a long time... but isn't the ultimate goal marriage? and if she didn't see it going there now... would she? was she just scared? did she have any reason to break up with him?

What do you do when you feel like its give or let go but there's no reason to do either? When you feel like the pressure is on to make 'smart relationship decisions' but you don't feel like you're in an adequate place to make ANY decisions?
At what point can you not get away with 'just going with it'?

Let me give you the same advice i gave her...


You're the only one that truly knows yourself. People can live around you.. observe you.. and claim to know you.. but none of them are you.
Because you know yourself so well... subconsciously you would never let yourself get in a situation that would sacrifice your happiness. You date people that you're attracted to..
Yes we all go through 'phases' of crazy rock star boyfriends and guys that we don't see ourselves with past next tuesday... but we also recognize them as phases... even if we claim we could spend forever with them.. we know what’s up.
People that we actually date and actually love... the ones that make us throw our lists out the window.. are the ones that matter. if they don't meet 'future president' or 'cardiologist with a summer home in france' mold.. don't kick em to the curb quite yet.
Think of the list that is deeeeep inside you... not the one you want your mom to be impressed by... not the one that you've compiled with your friends on their couches late at night..
YOU are the only one that has to live with YOUR ending..
YOU are the one that marries the love of YOUR life.. so YOU have to follow your own heart.
If you are yourself with someone.. they accept you for you.. and you are having a great time... ride the wave that you've been given. With your own future comes your own time line.. no matter where you live.. or who's pushing what fate on you.
You're allowed to call your own shots.

Love is a 6th sense.
It will never lead you astray. You need to learn to trust your own instincts that have brought you into the relationship you find yourself in. Something about it was attractive to YOUR heart and subconsciously to YOUR future.. don't let what others think interfere or make you go into a panic mode full of time-lines and agendas.

Allow yourself to be happy. Not everything lasts forever.. and thats ok!! because someday.. something will! you don't need to worry about today being that someday!

And finally... don't date people that you couldn't marry.. If you have a list of what's truly important to you.. and they don't meet those points... don't start.
If they're missing the dumb stuff.. you aren't perfect and your list could change.. but never drop your priorities in love and your future for a weak or rebellious moment. It's as simple as that. there are a lot of people in the world.. its just as easy to fall in love with the right kind of person as the wrong kind of person.
If you feel like you're picking between love and eternal happiness... uh. you're retarded. if it doesn't make you happy.. its not love. and if it does.. and you're still questioning it.. maybe you're putting too much emphasis on the wrong things.. maybe you're too caught up in the rehearsed list you've given for so long. Or maybe you're filling a lonely void that you need to be ok with letting go.
Get back to listening to yourself. Follow the 6th sense that you've been given..
Follow your heart.. you're bound to have an adventure.. and your own kind of happy ending.


Until Later!
xoxo
-Callymon