. . Raiders of the Lost Art . .

Today in english we studied Rhetoric.. the art of persuasion.
Aristotle said that rhetoric is a dangerous tool that we can't teach to just anyone! Think if it landed in the hands of a powerful and EVIL person.. um.. ya. its happened. Hitler.. is a great example of this.
Give someone the art of persuasion.. the ability to manipulate the human mind and action.. that has a detrimental agenda..? you're screwed.
Rhetoric.. and Swag are the same in this way..
Give a man the ability to manipulate the minds and hearts of women with a destructive.. tool-like agenda.. and we're all SCREWED.

Swag, like rhetoric, is easily mastered by those that take the time to perfect it.
However, being intelligent and being rhetorically savvy are very different. Having the information and tools necessary to have swag.. and ACTUALLY having swag are extremely different.

I'm convinced that i would've been an excellent dude.
i rock at BS.. and therefore would succeed in BS-ing chicks to think what i want them to.
Being able to BS rhetorically can almost always serve you more than being an intellectual master. Look at the difference in articulation of President Bush and President Obama...
President Bush could’ve been the smartest guy in the world, but because he couldn’t articulate his thoughts and he didn’t use his rhetorical ability (if he had any) in ANY way.. he looked like a complete moron half the time - ok MOST of the time.
It didn’t matter what action he was taking for our country... i didn’t matter WHAT he did.. good or bad.. if he had to give a public address about it.. he was in trooouuublleee because he was bound to look like a retard.
President Obama won over the minds and hearts of many of the American people during the election because of his articulation and charisma.
I’m not saying my political views..agenda.. or even who or what i support politically.. but look at their articulation alone.. and you see my point.

If you have the right tools.. the right formula.. and even the right words and actions served to you on a silver platter... how then can you still fail? How can the same talk given by 2 different people end up so different.. when they use the same exact words? How can 2 boys that do the EXACT same thing end up with different results?

Bottom line... it’s not just what you say.. its how you say it. it’s not just what you do.. its how and when you do it..
It’s alllll in the delivery my friends...

Swag isn't rocket science. But there is definitely a formula to it.. a set of practices that need to be carefully considered and studied in order to achieve the level of Swag that is necessary to succeed.

Attractiveness.. although a big part of swag.. is ultimately trumped by swag.
Swag takes precedence over all other qualities when it comes to attraction: physical, psychological, emotional, allll of the above.

Basically.. to put it in fortune cookie terms..

'Have swag.. will succeed'

Before you can even get to the point of using actual swag.. you have to do your homework. so.. put ‘swag’ into our rhetorical formula...

In the beginning...
You have to define your audience.. who are you trying to win over?
Identify the type of person you’re pursuing... go deeper than the typical stereotype.. you have to be able to assess the kind of steez your dealing with.
If you can read people like books.. this should be easy for you.. If you can’t.. look at the way they respond to how others act. You don’t learn about people through action, you learn about them through REaction. You’ll see what they take offense in.. how they handle awkward moments.. what their strengths and weaknesses are as far as relationships go. You can figure all of this out in the first 10 minutes of interaction with them if you look for the right things.
If they always have a friend close by.. and tend to hang on to them, especially when they feel uncomfortable.. then you know you have a potential clinger on your hands..someone that falls quickly that you’re going to have to exercise patience with or you’ll be like prunes in her dating digestion.. you’ll go right through. OR she’ll go crazy if you show too much too soon and start planning a wedding.. which is just as bad.

What do they already know about the subject you are presenting? (the subject you’re presenting is yourself in this case) and How credible do they see you?

If you meet someone.. and they say anything along the lines of ‘ooh YOU’RE John Smith..?’.. or if you KNOW they know who you are and who you’ve dated.. you need to pin down the reputation you have in their eyes... and, whether its good OR bad.. you need to prove it wrong.
If they think you’re ‘too nice of a guy’.. you have to be the contrary.
If they automatically think you’re a ‘tool’ or ‘bad boy’.. you have to show the other side of you.
This will do 2 things..
First. It will be just enough of a shock to their sub-conscience that it will keep them interested longer.
and Second.. until you dissolve this preconceived notion.. you’re not on fair playing ground.. and you’re competing with the ghost or idea of yourself. eliminate all unnecessary detrimental competition.
Play up your strengths!!
Every girl likes a guy that knows what he’s doing.. it makes us feel safer with you.. why? i have no idea. but we dig it. AND we dig confidence.. and when you’re talking about/doing something you’re good at.. the confidence will shine through as opposed to fake yucky conceded cocky grossness.
there’s a FIIIINE line.. find it. and work it.
This is where a good wingman is a necessity. Have each other’s backs.. cuz someone ELSE can talk you up like crazyyy without you sounded like you’re into yourself.
Side note to remember...
girls want what other girls want.... guys want what other guys want...
Whether or not you claim to be ‘mainstream’... everyone is to a certain extent. people like what OTHER people like... its a vicious cycle. so even if you can just CONVINCE someone that tons of chicks are into you.. you’re that much more appealing and attractive in our eyes. We want what we cant have..

Once you have the first meeting out of the way..
Assess the context and environment...
The time and place you do things is crucial!
As much as i’ve said that i’m attracted to tools... im not. i want a nice guy.. with swag..
but all you nice guys that got all butt hurt in the last ‘Master of Disguise’ post.. you don’t have to be a tool to get the girl of your dreams!! you DO however.. have to have swag!!
know WHEN to be a nice guy.. if you are too nice too soon.. it freaks us out!! if you wait too long.. we’re turned off and we smell your fakeness miles away.. like you’re putting on a ‘tool-like’ act to try and win our affection. we decode stuff for a living...we LIVE to over analyze.. we can spot a fake comin before you even get on the love radar.

We don’t want you to play games with us... we don’t want you to lead us on.. .that’s NOT what i’m saying.
But you ARE going to have to use some strategy in the way you go about things or you’re doomed to failure. THIS is the single reason that tools succeed.. is they use this ‘swaggering’ strategy.. and we fall for it!!

In the middle is where you win them over...
you have to KEEP their attention..
Logically ordering parts of your argument.. laying the correct cards on the table at the right time.. the timing of this is essential here.
.. if you’re a nice guy... you need to know WHEN to be a nice guy...

My friend Abby was in the beginning stages of dating this guy Tim. She met Tim a year ago through a friend and occasionally would run into him. She knew ‘of him’ on a ‘first name basis’ in that.. she had talked about him indirectly with her friend so much that she felt like she knew him pretty well. Good ol’ facebook connected them a year later (now) and he asked her on a date. *remember that they had never hung out.. this is important.
So.. they went on the first date.. he was great.. he was a gentleman.. easy to talk to.. it pretty much went as well as any first date could go.. she really enjoyed herself.
She made it clear that she was busy.. he made it clear that he was busy.. so it was perfect.
** she had also just gotten out of a relationship.. so besides the fact of being physically busy.. Abby was emotionally busy too. she didn’t really want to have to think about any boy situation too hard for a while.
A week passed without them talking or hanging out when she got another phone call to go on a second date. She obviously agreed.. given the success of the first date they had been on. The second date was fantastic! He took her to do things that she loved to do.. they had a blast!!
By the end of the second date she was like ‘ok.. i think i love this boy.. this is fantastic’..
then an hour passed.
At the end of this hour she decided that she felt weird about it and she didn’t want to go out with homie again.
Then the next morning she decided.. ya.. i think i kinda like him.. i don’t know if i wanna go out with him again.. but hey.. its perfect. he’s busy.. I’M busy.. and i’ll have a while to think about it!
2 days later she gets a text from him asking her on another date for a couple days later.
Being a girl.. and picking the easiest form of rejection when put in a compromising situation that you don’t know how you feel and do NOT wanna have to make up your mind.... she didnt text back.
a few days later.. he called. she didn’t answer.
all she wanted was room to breathe.
A week later.. after a WEEK of not returning his calls or texts.. she got a text that said ‘look outside your door’.
Her favorite flowers and candy COVERED her front porch.
... remember how i said they had never hung out before this? and they went on 2 dates.. no hanging out in between... so they had literally seen each other TWICE.
its prettttyyy safe to say that Abby was freaked out.
she wanted sooo bad to love the nice guy in Tim and see in him what she’s always wanted in a boyfriend...
but homeboy... you gotta learn how to play the game here bud!

Hold off on your ‘nice guy’ cards until you’re further into her mind and her heart! If you would’ve done the SAME thing after a couple more dates and hanging out a little bit.. when she was more secure and SURE about her entire situation.. you would’ve been puttin down ACES!! but because you played them to early.. you put yourself waaay behind in the game!

a nice guy thats too nice of a guy too early.. is unattractive.
make us work for SOMETHING or we’ll plow right through you!


When presenting an argument.. you have to consider what sort of mental/physical state your audience will be in..

If they just got out of a relationship.. they’re going to be needy to a certain point because they’re used to comfortability..
but they’ll also get freaked out easily if you take the comfortability too far.
If they just got cheated on.. they’re gonna have major trust issues that you need to address and dissolve right off the bat. you need to make SURE they know they can trust you.. or they’ll move on. You have to be more actively engaged in this relationship right from the get go cuz the insecurity is higher.

All of us girls want a knight in shining armor..
hold our hands first! kiss us goodnight! and take us places YOU feel confident in.. where your cocky little strut that we think is sooo hot comes out!
Dont take us to a party where you’re unanimously hated at... what good is that gonna do you?! take us around people that are biiig fans of YOURS that will openly remind us of how lucky we are to be with you! we like this!!

You have to provide concrete data to support your argument.... it doesn’t matter how great your claim is if you dont’ have BOMB evidence.. These people only add to your credibility of ‘boyfriend material’..

Someone commented on the last post that in order to be successful with girls you have to play them against each other... this is false. and this is the concept through ‘tool glasses’. the truth in this statement.. is we want to be with someone that other people want to be with.
we don’t want you to PLAY US.. but we want to have the fact that you CHOSE us clearly pointed out to us..
nothing is more attractive than a guy with a thousand options.. that chose YOU.
chicks eat this stuff UP!

Having patience with your swag cards is important even in recycled relationships.

My friend Tanya had dated this kid Josh on and off for a couple years when they decided to ‘call it quits’. they CLAIMED that they were never going to speak again.. but that was definitely a bit dramatic.
After 4 months of zero communication.. (a record for the both of them) Tanya had a feeling that something was not right in Josh’s life.. she could see and had heard that he was having a hard time.. and she obviously still cared about him as a human being.. they had been best friends for years!
So. Tanya put her pride in her pocket.. picked up the phone.. and called him.
They talked for a while.. and Tanya made a mental note not to talk to him again for a while.. but during their conversation.. he confirmed that he had been having a hard time and he really needed someone to be there for him.
because of this Tanya decided to put forth more effort and really try and make sure he was ok..
oh ya.. did i mention that they kissed? bad idea on her part. dummy.
but it did happen. which didn’t add to the over all easiness of the situation.
She didn’t ‘over step her bounds’ as far as a friend... but because they had so much history.. the fact that she was putting forth this effort that came LITERALLY out of nowhere only led to her downfall.
NOW.. because Josh thought that Tanya was trying to come back into his life with full force.. they don’t talk at allllll and its even more awkward NOW than when they first broke up!
Tanya needed to ease her way back into this friendship.. not show so much concern right off the bat. There would definitely be time later to repair the 'friendship bond' between them.. and at THAT point she would've been able to help him. But because they hadn't taken the transition steps.. she lost Josh even more than she had before.
What did Tanya fail to recognize??
That the bigger the tool... the more stubborn they are.. the longer you have to wait to call them back. The more of a cocky douche bag they are.. the more hard to get you have to be... EVEN as just a friend!!
Josh doesn’t like ANYONE to care too much about him.. he thinks thats too easy and he moves on with his life to a bigger and badder challenge.
You have to NOT talk to him when he wants to talk.. you have to keep it in YOUR court.. and then make him wait!

Play your cards at the RIGHT time.. its not what you do.. its how and when you do it!


The ending of your presentation is probably what they’ll remember the most..
this is right before you ‘get a grade’ on your paper... right before you ‘seal the deal’
If a conclusion only summarizes... if you already read all of it... then its boring!! If your relationship becomes stagnant because you fail to keep things exciting and full of spark.. then you wont seal the deal!
When getting close to committing.. Issue a sort of challenge or call to action.... leave things in THEIR court so they have a sense of ownership and so they feel needed...
I’m not saying use this ‘modernized love’ thing. thats dumb. YOU are the boy.. YOU call us first.. YOU ask US out on the dates...
but once you’ve CLEARLY displayed LOTS of effort (when it gets to that point) sit back for a sec.. and let us come to you.

LIke i said.. we dont want you to play with us.. we dont want guys that JUST play hard to get.. but if you dont’ position yourself in a way that makes you successful.. then girls wont think twice about you.
we WANT to fall in love with you... you just have to HELP us!


Once you learn something.. once you KNOW something... you are held accountable for doing it..
so all you ‘nice guys’ that got alll butt hurt in the last ‘master of disguise’ post... learn to HAVE SWAG.. and you will have no PROBLEM landing the girls! they WILL fall for you if you have swag.. you will beat out all the tools if you have both the nice guy heart and the OG swag of a player... if you know how to play the game and you don’t USE it to MESS with girls... but on the contrary.. you use it to form lasting relationships...

It’s like harry potter and the sorcerer's stone..
anyone who wanted to FIND the stone.. FIND it but NOT use it.. only HE would be able to get it!

You didn’t know when you would EVER use that 14 page rhetorical analysis that you HAD to write in 3rd year English did you..? AND a HP reference...?You’re welcome.

Learn these tools.. and then use them for good. dont be Hitler. be raiders of this lost art..
The art of persuasion is a dangerous power.. use it well..

xoxo
-Callymon

..Master of disguise..

After an eventful.. extremely entertaining weekend.. my girlfriends and I sat down to evaluate what EXACTLY happened. As we did.. we came to the realization that all of us aren't sitting around waiting for A guy.. there's plenty of guys.. we're just waiting for a guy to prove us wrong in our thinking that all guys are the same.
They all think that everything we do is motivated by something related to them...
that we talk to other people to make them jealous... go on dates hoping they'll find out.. and show up at parties that they'll most likely be at..
They assume that we WISH we could be with them.. so we find the next best thing and hang on for dear life..
They all wander in packs.. afraid of upsetting their 'leader' that claims you're off limits because he dated you once upon a time.
and NONE of them.. no matter how old they get... EVER grow up!

I talked to my friend Joe the other day and he told me that he LITERALLY tells girls the first date he takes them on that 'this isn't going anywhere.. i'm not really looking for a relationship.. so if we end up kissing i just don't want you to think that i'm leading you on..'
.. he claimed that by telling them this, he was being a 'nice guy' with 'clear upfront.. pure intentions'.
really joe... so the next time a guy tells ME that.. 'hey i'm just using you.. that's totally ok right?' i'm supposed to swoon at his 'up front approach'?
You idiot. if you're not IN a relationship.. unless you want to die alone.. you ARE looking for a relationship.. just obviously not with the chick you're slayin.

My favorite? The guys that have recently discovered (discovered.. not decided.. because they're completely right) that the more pictures you have on FB with babies.. and/or puppies.. the more likely we are to return your phone calls.. and if you can rent a LIVE one? you are set for dates for the month.
Its just SAD the shame and bad name that guys like this are giving the male species!


so i propose the question... are ALL guys tools?
does the 'nice guy' exist.. or is it just an act that the exTREME tools have mastered? .. and when the actual 'nice guy' comes along.. will us girls be ready for him? will we even want him? or will we be so caught up in what we're used to that we'll run the other direction..?


I recently saw the movie 'Something Borrowed'.... 3 times. nbd. and.. although i was obsessed with staring at Dex..the main hottie with a sexy body.. i was seriously confused at what the heck i was supposed to feel or think at the end of the movie..?

In the movie.. This girl rachel falls in love with her friend/ study partner in law school Dex.
In the 'insert confessing of love here' moment.. she chokes.. and passes up the opportunity to tell him how she feels in fear of an awkward situation..
Her friend Darcy.. that was there during the moment.. swoops like a biaaach and is with him from that point forward for the next 6 years... cutting off any other opportunity for rachel to bring up that she was in love with Dex.

so.. Darcy and Dex get engaged.. Darcy leaves her purse somewhere.. Dex goes back to get it.. and Rachel is there. They end up having a drink for 'old time's sake'.... when Rachel says 'now i remember why i had such a crush on you in law school...'
Dex gets super awkward and pulls the.. 'why didn't you say anything?!'.. they definitely end up slayin in the cab on the way home.. and the cab makes ONE stop that night.. if you catch my drift.

So. there they are.. the long time crush.. with the best friend of his fiance.. uh.. woops?

They cheat.. they realize that they're perfect for each other... the whole time Dex still going along with his engagement to Darcy acting like nothings wrong.
I mean ya.. because Darcy is suuuper annoying in the movie.. you take rachel's side.. and swoon at Dex when he tells rachel he loves her and makes out with her like a little sexy panther..
but heLLOO.... DEX IS A TOOL BOX! He's stringing 2 chicks along.. one that he's ENGAGED TO! while he cheats on her with her best friend.. for the sake of 'figuring out a lost connection'.

So.. dex.. behind his charm and his great smile.. is just like any other retarded dude that thinks he can do nothing wrong and that the world revolves around him.
The only reason you're even OK with the fact that the whole thing happens.. is cuz Darcy is so dang annoying that you WANT rachel to win.
So.. should rachel have never said anything? should she have kept her feelings to herself? IS there a point where it's 'too late'? Ya they end up together at the end.. so does THAT make it right?
Figure your freakin crap out BEFORE you ask someone to marry you.. you dumb piece of CRAP!

there are a couple lessons that we learn from 'Something Borrowed'.
1. Never pass up an opportunity to tell someone how you feel about them.. cuz when you feel it.. the time is NOW. do NOT wait 6 years til they're engaged to someone ELSE to go after them! it's HIIIGHLY inconvenient and causes WAY more drama that is ever necessary.
2. When telling someone you love them.. i dunno... mayyyybe make sure you're not scheduled to marry someone else..?
3. when the best friend that's the best cutest guy in the UNIVERSE confesses his LOVE for you.... DO NOT LEAVE! DO NOT GO BACK TO DOUCHE BAG THAT WOULDN'T PICK YOU FIRST!!!!! LOVE him. loooove HIM!! wtf happens to Ethan?! he's waiting for me in London. i have my plane ticket. nbd.

If he wasn't engaged to Darcy.. aint no ring aint no thang.. he could've just broken up with her and pursued the Rachel avenue... but the TOOL box.. plays both of them. with the rock on darcy's left boney.. annoying.. drunk.. hand.

And finally when rachel COMES to dex and tells him to leave darcy.. tell her he can't marry her.. and run away with Rachel... he says NO! He doesn't know what the crap he wants.. and he's afraid to go after anything!
Homie.. you take the time to cheat on your will-be-wife... and then AFTER you tell homegirl you LOVE her.. mm hmm BIG L WORD.. and she comes after you.. cuz you're a wuss and wont do a friggin THING about it... YOU SAY.. NO?!! are you on CRACK?!

Finally toolbox dex gets his act together.. grows up a little bit.. and him and rach end up together.. while darcy ends up with the greasy.. lovely.. friend. that got her prego.

SO.. Dex SEEMS like a good guy..he SEEMS like the 'nice guy' we're all looking for.. but when you break it down.. he's a tool box with a 'nice guy mask' on.. that doesn't know what he wants.. that strings chicks along until he figures it out.. and refuses to grow up and make his own decisions.

Figure your crap out BEFORE you get engaged.. you freak. cuz once i get the rock... we're goin to the temple.
And duh.. if someone is worth the cheat in your eyes... DUMP THEM. obviously you don't care enough about them to STAY with them and them alone. again... FIGURE YOUR CRAP OUT!

And uhh... ok.. bachelorette Bentley?

As much as i would still completely make out with him...
really bro? how are we EVER supposed to trust a guy again?!
The guy has MAD swag... has this chick BEGGING him to stay.. she says that she LOVES him.. and the WHOLE time he's like.. 'watch this... imma play with her head'... wtf?!
He's more than the ultimate provo all-star... he's MV-friggin-P!

It didn't help that he was messing with an annoying air head that confessed her love for him in the first 5 SECONDS!! Honey child... if you're gonna go on NATIONAL TV to play one big giant dating game.... LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE GAME!
The bigger the tool.. the more you need to play hard to get to keep him satisfied. duuh. your badddd.

but I don't blame ashley one bit for falling for Bentley.. He's the MASTER of disguise!
Flip.. if i was there.. i probably would've thought he loved her too..

once again.. he SEEMS like a good guy.. he even friggin CRIED when he was talking about wanting to be with his daughter!! When DUUH.. he stabs her in the face every time he gets on camera..
manipulation... how to get what you want... the art of the douche bag... do they send you boys to school for these things? are you in a gang? wtf?
How are we supposed to know if you're being sincere.. or if you have ulterior motives behind your 'good guy' facade.
because CLEARLY the bigger tool.. the better they are at the 'nice guy' act.


These guys are the reason that girls think all guys suck. Cuz heLLLOO... toolbox.. with a bow.. served on a silver platter.. with more than a trick or two up their sleeve. and they're GORGEOUS which makes it all worse!
They bat their big brown eyes.. make all of us believe them.. when to them... ITS ALL A GAME!

I'm convinced that the older a guy gets.. the more of an all-star he becomes.
The older they are.. the more years of practice they've had to perfect their 'you can believe me' smile.. they're 'aaww babe.. you're beautiful' wine.. and the way they're hand on your cheek makes you wanna kiss em..
They build their tool shed up and up.. until one day they wakes up.. realize 'what the crap am i doing with my life'.. and grab the first girl they can pin down.. and RUSH to the alter.

Until that 'eureka' moment in their lives.. all that they think is...
'ok.. i love being single.. i'm gonna date and slay as many chicks as i can before i'm forced to settle down.. cuz once i'm married.. this EPIC single life is OVER!!.. so i'm gonna spend as much time with 'the boys' as i can.. make them all worship me by my ability to mess with all these girls to make them fall in love with me.. and then one day.. FAAARR in the future.. i'll grow up. but not right NOW.. are you INSANE?! i'm in my PRIME player years!.. i'm young.. i'm attractive.. and i'm gonna work it for all its worth!'....

barf.

The whole ark 2 by 2 thing? i dont know where it went wrong.. cuz there are PLENTY of attractive.. single.. 'got it all together'.. spiritual.. ready to be in a relationship.. girls out there.. WAITING for the non-existent prince charming..
and there's like 4 guys that fit the criteria that ALL of the chicks are fighting for!
'oh uhh.. beauty and the geek? ok yup.. 'check'.. you can get on the ark now.. 'all brains and no physique'.. you go with 'hot tottie- brain all rotty' over there.. but people.. only breed 1/10 legit male children or life would be too easy for the women of the world.. '

My friend April was hanging out with this guy Duke. Duke's a stud. and April was stolked about it. They had been casually hanging out for a couple months.. by casual i mean they hadn't kissed.. when all the sudden.. BAM. toolness revealed.
So.. April had gotten out of a relationship not too long ago.. and her ex boyfriend was a BIT of a psycho. When her and Duke would talk about her ex.. Duke would tell April what a freak her ex was.. how he didn't deserve her.. and blah blah blah..
Just call him Bentley..the deceiving piece of crap.
So.. one day April shows up at a party and sees Duke when she walks in.. As she goes to talk to him.. he disappears.
confused.. but not exactly distraught.. she gets into the party with her friends and starts enjoying herself.
She sees Duke again.. and takes a couple steps in his direction to talk to him again.. and BAM.. he's gone again.
Super confused.. but still not thinking much of it.. she keeps mingling and dancin the night away.
When her and her friends decide to get some air.. she spots Duke for the 3rd time... feeling like a ghost buster.. she waves and walks towards him.
no sooner had she waved... when she saw her EX.. standing next to duke!! chattin it up like old buddies!!
All of the sudden.. the 'guy code' trumped the.. 'other code'..
the 'other code' being..
homies... you're NOT gonna date.. marry.. or end up living with friends that you barely KNOW of the same sex... or even your BFF dudes.
the fact that you worship each other ONLY makes us gag.
and if YOU put time and effort into a girl to only flip your tool switch like it 'aint no thang' in 5 seconds because you don't know how to handle your shiiii with could-be-awkward situations.. you need to go to day care and learn how to be a regular human being.

April... being a legit human being.. proceeded forward.. talked to her Ex.. and tried to talk to Duke for the 4th time that night. He. did. not. say. one. word. to. her.
By the end of the conversation.. which was short anyway... April discovered that Duke and ex-homie had become acquainted and decided to be wingmen.. PERFECT for her right? ugh retards.
she thought.. nice guy.. sweet guy.. older guy.. more mature guy.. he'll DEFINITELY be able to handle himself against her less mature.. younger.. awkward.. toolbox.. Ex-boyfriend.. that all the other guys are worshiping for no reason she can see. but clearly.. she was wrong.


My other friend Aubry had a grrreat experience with this lovely species as well!...
Aubry had been hanging out with Cam for a month. They were fantastic together... they LITERALLY were inseparable from the first date they went on. They went to the gym.. and then took a nap.. and then ate food.. and then went here.. and then went there.. and then took more naps... you couldn't separate these 2 with a crowbar!
After a month of hanging out.. basically out of NOWHERE.. but naturally none the less.. Cam asked Aubry to be his girlfriend.. to which she obviously accepted. I mean she hadn't even as much as LOOKED at another boy in a month.. Cam is great! He's probably one of the most genuinely nice guys i've ever met! i completely approved of the relationship between them. Just happy-go-lucky- Cam.. with fun-carefree-Aubry.. it was the perfect summer romance.
so much for a future.. or even a summer...

All was well for the next 3 days.. when Cam dropped Aubry off after the gym..
10 minutes later.. Aubry's enjoying a good ol' post-gym protein shake.. when there's knock at the door.
She opens the door to find Cam.. looking like he's gonna puke.
She invites him in.. and asks whats wrong...?
'i'm really sorry... i dont know what i'm doing or what i want.. i.. i just wanna be single!' .. is the speech that pops out of his mouth.
'...ok?' Aubry replies. (wtf was she supposed to say?)
And it was over like that. 72 hours. hm... nice guy? yes. Tool box? duuh.
He has Dex-syndrome.... figure your crap out BEFORE you ask a chick to be your girlfriend.. cuz where did that get you? ... 3 days past nowhere!

You real nice guys out there... if you even exist.. you should be beating these boys to a pulp.. cuz they're ruining every chance you have with these girls.
They're lessening our ability to differentiate between the glitter and gold. They're weakening our 6th-guy-sense.. and they're confusing the heck out of us.

Not only are they messing with our minds... they're taking us... and conditioning us to WANT to be with tools.. they make us think that we think its attractive!!

Watching the bachelorette last night.. all i could think was... Bentley totally is my type... he fits right in with the rest of the guys i've dated.. i would TOTALLY date bentley..
and no. i wasn't ashley.. who didn't see the commentary.. i SAW the commentary.. Bentley in all his toolness.. and i was attracted to it. fml.
the 'good guy' at this point in my life.. isn't even appealing! when guys care and are actually NICE.. its like.. a turn off..? like a one-way ticket to the friend zone... Thats BAD. i blame you. you tool boxes. you dang sexay tool boxes.

Boys.. lucky for you.. instead of killing you.. i have a proposition.

Because i feel like there's literally NO hope for you at this point in your lives.. i'm giving you a pass..
This pass is good until the end of the summer. This summer... you best be goin on some MAD journeys.. cuz even if you have to travel to Tim-buck-friggin-2.. you better FIND yourselves.

This is your 'figure your crap out BEFORE'... time.
Take this time to put your tool-like qualities in a shed that you can lock the door of and FINALLY move past... grow up.. and be able to FUNCTION! The one last stand to be 'one of the guys'.. where you can compare notches on belts and.. whatever else you guys compare.. weirdos.

My girlfriends and I have taken a vow of singleness for the summer.. cuz any relationship we get in before fall.. we know is doomed to failure.

Take these next couple months to get all of your 'do somethin crazzzy' moments out of your system.. finally put closer to your need of being the 'big man on campus'.
take the time to kiss those hoes that you would've cheated on your girlfriend with.. and then MOVE ON.
get it OUT of your system... cuz after this summer... there will be no excuses.

Fill your single void.. so that come fall.. you're ready to grow up.

For any of you boys that figure your crap out BEFORE the end of the summer? You'll have first pick. just sayin.

We're doing the same. taking the time to re-condition ourselves to like REAL.. legitimate.. men... instead of these immature.. insecure.. confused.. lost.. little boys that we're used to.

Become the men we're looking for. Help us even out this ratio a little bit. Take this summer to become REAL men... instead of Masters of Disguise.

until later.. xoxox
-Callymon