.. Childish things with Grown up wings ..

Santa Clause. The Easter Bunny. The tooth fairy. The monster in your closet that would eat you if you didn't clean your room. (no..? just me?)
The things that we grew up on. Things that made our lives full of magic and excitement. The best kept secrets in the world! The things that kept us scared of being on the naughty list.. kept our rooms clean.. our trips to the dentist exciting.. and our easter dresses covered in multicolored food coloring. Things that i wish i still believed in. And even more than that.. things i wish were actually true!
I still remember the day that my friend broke the tragic Santa news to me. I cried. I even pretended like i believed in him for 2 more years before letting my parents figure out that i knew their secret. I was devastated that the strange telepathic fat man in red with rosey cheeks that stalked me in my sleep, always knew what i wanted, and always knew when i was awake wouldn't be breaking into my house that year through my chimney. I was traumatized when i realized that.. BUNNIES DON'T LAY EGGS!! and really.. what tiny person would give me a quarter for my gross teeth when mom was home.. and 10 bucks for the same tooth on the other side when dad was home?
The monster in my closet that would eat me if my room wasn't clean.. obviously never scared me THAT much.. ok it did... but not enough to make me clean my room.. i figured out at a very early age that.. hey.. im still here.. my room's still messy.. i may be grounded.. but things could be worse.. i could be in the belly of the mess monster! The only thing this fantasy got me.. was a fear of the dark that never went away.
The older we get, the more ridiculous and childish our once childhood fantasies seem. The more 'mature' we get.. The more we cling to them, waiting for the day we can lie to our own children about the red-suited burglar and freak hybrid egg-laying bunny. The magic we once lived for.. and thrived on.. becomes the fun - yet ridiculous - memory of the younger us.

Thank goodness for Harry Potter or my childhood would've become waaaay too muggle-ish at much too early an age.. For when we got a little older.. a new kind of magic was introduced to us.
A magical land of spells and witchcraft.. trolls.. appearing feasts.. defeating evil.. and having your best friends stick by you til the end.
I would love to tell you of a time that all these wild and ridiculous fantasies left my subconscious.. but lets be honest.. im still waiting for my Hogwarts letter.

We grow up on these nursery rhymes and fairy tales of bigger and better things.. of worry free holidays and magic always being there to clean up after our mistakes..
As we get older.. we don't let go of these magical fantasies.. cliches.. and happily ever afters.. No. Like our shift from Santa to Dumpledore... we just get new hopes.. new dreams.. and new magical worlds to replace the old ones.

True Love is our grown up version of Santa Clause.
Now hold it right there.. nooope i'm actually NOT turning this into a cynical 'man-hating' 'love sucks' blog. No bitterness here. So all you mushy love people can read on without thinking that i'm gonna jinx you.. and all you bitter single people can change your cd to something Ernie Halter and take a chill pill. i'm not here to fuel your love-hate fire.
But.
True Love.. or what we have grown up to recognize true love as... is our grown up version of Santa Clause. We grow up on this fantasy of boy meets girl.. fireworks explode.. they get married.. and live a happily ever after every day from there on.. (cue birds singing and fawns cleaning houses)
If you think love is easy... you are setting yourself up for failure.
Should love be HARD necessarily..? absolutely not. But it should be the hardest and the easiest decision you ever have to make... and the hardest and easiest problem you will ever have... confusing? and a litttttle contradicting? duh. its love.
People think that love comes without trying.. and if you have to 'try' that its not real love. This is false. Sorry dreamer.. bunnies don't LAY EGGS! People have to work at love everyday! Its what you're willing to go through to MAKE it perfect that makes it true love!
If you're getting into a relationship.. don't write it off so quickly if its not all peaches and creme.. weigh the good and the bad.. THEN decide if its worth it..
If you're getting married.. cuz lets be honest.. its kinda the thing to do right now.. don't go into it thinking that if you have a small argument.. or even a LARGE argument.. that 'you made the wrong decision'. Sometimes things get heated! Take a chill pill.. walk it off.. and come back to the issue with a logical.. more level headed approach.
If you've been married a while and you are just nodding your head to this. then woot woot. have a cookie. you've figured it out.

a couple more Santas?

'Love is Blind'
as much as i wish this absolutely WASN'T the case.. its true! When you're in a situation.. you rarely see the actuality of what is happening.. it can be a good thing or a bad thing.. depending on the relationship.
If you're in a bad relationship.. and everyone around you sees it.. but you don't. it's because you haven't filled your 'love prescription glasses' in a while. The best way to see if you're Stevie Wonder-ing it or if you're vision is just a little blurry but you wont crash your car..... when people talk to you about your relationship.. especially the ones that care about you.. don't lie. Don't make excuses.. tell them exactly how it is... if it sounds like a bad relationship when you say it out LOUD.. but then you back it up with.. yaa but you're not IN IT.. so you don't GET IT.. honey. you blind.
It's no one's decision but your own whether or not you want to put up with this relationship or not. And if you make the decision to.. then keep your relationship problems to yourself. The only thing venting to someone else about it will do.. is make them hate your girlfriend or boyfriend even more.. and tell you what an idiot you are.

'Love conquers all'
True.
It doesn't matter what your fight is about.. jealousy... money.. just plain stupidness.. if you love each other.. that's all that matters. It's like the 'good vs. evil' battle. Good will ALWAYS come out on top in the end.
If you are letting something come between love. you're an idiot. cause really... love conquers all. And as soon as you figure that out.. you're gonna feel..and look.. like a total moron. Save yourself that walk of shame.. Let the little things go.

'If you love something let it go.. if it comes back its yours.. if not.. it was never yours to begin with'.. (or something along those lines)
trust me this is a whole blog in itself ( probably the next one actually)
But, i used to think.. this phrase is sooo retarded! if you LOVE something.. why the heck would you want to 'let it go?!' wouldn't you want to fight for it? hang on to it? NEVER let it go?! why would you have to go through some weird process of yo-yo love dieting?
and then... it happened to me.
like i said.. get stolked for the next blog.. buut to finish this one out..
for real.. if you love something.. and you let it go.. and it comes back.. it's yours.
Sometimes you have to have the courage to walk away from something with the faith and hope that everything will work itself out. You have to be willing to lose someone if you love them because you may not be the best thing for them. This santa SUCKS. but its true!
.. If it was never meant to be and you walk away.. then trust me something even better is on the way!
and if it WAS.. then hey.. start planning the soundtrack for when you two run into each other's arms and have the 'epiphany of each other' moment when you realize you could never live without each other.
Either way.. win win!

You can believe in 'true love' if you bring truth to your love.
Breathe.
Forgive.
and dont spend forever festering over things that are out of your control.. its time wasted.

Until Later! xoxo
-Callymon

..Love Sick..

Its only september and already the first colds, flues and achey sicknesses are beginning to take their toll on us all.
With each little tiny change in the transition from season to season comes a new.. fun.. disgusting little surprise.. determined to keep us bed ridden for the best season of the year.. fall!
My favorite right now? Ya.. i have pneumonia! Suuper fun. So. while i get lots of rest.. drink lots of fluids.. and take these hard drugs my lovely doctor wrote me up for trying to get over my fickle fall sickness.. i figured we should cure some sicknesses plaguing our hearts as well.

1. The common creeper.

We're gonna address both sides of this issue.. tackling the symptoms from both ends in order to exterminate these little buggers.
I believe in being nice to every human being on the planet. I love befriending anyone and everyone. Kindness is something that everyone deserves.. however. I feel like growing up a lot of us have been fed a skewed image of kindness. ..'be nice no matter what'..and 'kill them with kindness'.. have been bent into.. 'you cant say no'.. and 'avoid confrontation altogether'.
When someone approaches you... or stalks you... you don't HAVE to say yes to going out with them. If a creeper is creepin.. avoid him and don't give him reasons to think you're leading him on!
Girls... just say NO. You can say no in a nice way! But you need to make sure that your message is clear. If homie with his pants up to his eyebrows.. lovely stache.. and a knack of running into you in a premeditated fashion comes at you with full force... you going along with his skewed fantasy of you two making tragically creepy young ones is hurting BOTH of you... you may be taking one for your own team to add another brick to your heaven mansion... but you're also leading him in a direction that will soon be completely taken out of his compass.. most likely leaving him even more emotionally damaged than if you would've initially... nicely.. backed out of a situation.

I was in an english class last semester when a girl that worked at the police station told us a story of a girl that had come in the previous week.
Jane had just moved into a new college town and was determined to make friends.. she was the sweetest girl alive so she didn't exactly have a huge challenge ahead of her.
Her new neighborhood came with a new church ward, new home teachers (male visitors assigned to check up on her and give her gospel related lessons), and new room mates.
Her new home-teacher Chuck was a straight creeper. he started by showing up at her apartment unannounced.. being there when she got home.. calling her every night.
She initially gave off the vibe that she wasn't interested.. but when he continued to pursue her.. she didn't want to hurt his feelings.
One day he text her and told her that he had a surprise for her and to let him know when she was home... she coordinated with a room mate to make sure she had someone there with her.. but when she got home.. he was waiting for her, and her room mate was still in class. He insisted that they start her 'surprise' right away..
He told her he had made a scavenger hunt for her.. starting in another area of their apartment complex. She followed him to the common room.. where she found a big box with her name on it.
When she went to open the box... he. pulled. out. a TAZOR!! She blacked out for a couple seconds.. and when she came-to he was trying to HANDCUFF HER!!! uhh.. hello!!!!
She waited 3 days to go to the cops about it because she 'didn't want to make him feel bad'.

Girls... don't be this dumb. If you get the creeper vibe... avoid your own tragedy by stopping the homie in his tracks.

Boys.. the sad reality of this world is.. the difference between a straight creep.. a tool.. and a persistent fellow.. is the level of attractiveness and swag they bring to their creeping.

I'm not saying the attractive creepers aren't creepers... they just tend to get away with it more.
If y'all haven't taken my 'tool box test'.. you should. a lot of the tool-like attributes cross over to creeper status.
Vitamins for your poor souls...
Don't resend texts when a girl doesn't write back.. if you sent it... SHE GOT IT.. sending it again isn't gonna make her write back any quicker.
Don't text her and call her every. single. night. if she has shown no interest in you... you can only put forth so much effort without her reciprocating it before you get put in the creeper box. knock it off.
When you're doin your thang.. Don't leave a fb stalking trail.. where's the fun in that?

So. its hard to tell girls to stop creepin.. cuz the truth of the matter is... a girl creeper.. is just desperate. If he's not interested in you.. there's no way that he's perfect for you.
If you fall into this category.. even though there was an oil spill.. there's STILL plenty of fish in the sea.. quit creepin and move on. He's married knock it off.. - wait what? ooh right. that's just at byu.

So.. the cure? Stop leading the creepers on.. grow some guts and let them know that you're not interested.. and homies.. quit creepin. have a very honest evaluation of your flirting.. pursuing.. and pouncing tactics.. look yourself in the mirror and decide 'am i a creeper'? if you are.. nobody likes those. Knock it off.

2. Hopelessly Devoted

I've always thought of love as a tug-of-war... a little give.. a little take.. finding the balance.. picking your battles.. surrendering the upper hand.. taking control... caring more.. caring less.. back and forth back and forth back and forth..
That sometimes you are running.. and sometimes you are chasing..
That at the end of the day, everything works itself out.
I've grown up believing the fairy tale of love.. and everything that goes along with it.

I never understood the phrase 'falling in love alone'.. i just figured that if someone was dumb enough to fall without someone catching them.. that they had no idea what love was.. so therefore they weren't 'falling in love alone'.. they were just bungee jumping without a cord. retards.

In sports.. there are individual events.. like track.. and.. bowling.. but in love.. if you run with no one chasing you.. what the heck are you doing...? if you're chasing something that never has any intention of stopping.. either your legs will fall off.. or you'll die of a heart attack in the middle of the love road somewhere... alone.
If you play the love tug-of-war by yourself... you just fall on your butt.

I've always believed that everything that is supposed to work out.. will. But what if something ISN'T working out that you want to?? what do you do?
How long can you hang on to something without needing to see a shrink?

I dont' think its possible to fall out of love with someone.. how ever unfortunate this realization is. That person, however, CAN be replaced.

My cure for 'hopelessly devotedness' : Be on top of the world! I know saying 'replace that love dummy' is waaay easier said than done.. so. when in drought.. replace it with yourself! Not in the tool box conceded.. love yourself to death kind of way.. but in the actual bettering your self and soul.. true self worth kind of way.

My friend Winston had dated this girl Laci forever. It ended in a pretty bad break up.. i'm talkin.. him in the middle of the street.. on his knees.. sobbing.. screaming.. heart wrenching.. life changing.. break up.
After this break up.. they did the.. occasionally see each other.. most likely hook up.. and then go their separate ways.. him always wanting her.. her always something more than what he was.. until he finally caught the vision that if he realllllly wanted to be with her... he couldn't do the 'casually run into each other thing' until something had significantly changed.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result... and he was tired of going crazy.
After working his BUTT off for 9 months with out scratching his Laci itch that came every so often.. he started really getting places in his life.
He found himself with a deal in his hands with one of the biggest music distributing companies in the country.. (oh ya.. i forgot to tell you.. he's a rock star)
As he walked out of this meeting with tour dates.. cash to burn.. and a serious ego boost.. he decided to call Laci..
she agreed to meet up with him and go to lunch. Of course at this lunch she saw his success.. his rock hard body.. and his new found confidence and wanted him in a heart beat..
He however had found something out about himself. He didn't need someone that waited for him to be good enough to be with her.. he needed someone that loved him for being him.. in any state.
When he was on TOP of his game.. he finally realized... he didn't want her back.
Hopelessly devotedness CURED! When you are at your best you make MUCH clearer decisions than when you're struggling with your own self worth. After getting out of relationships that make you feel unwanted and like crap... you need the time to replace that love with something you love to do. It will help your independence.. it will help your confidence.. and your added boost of yourself will make you more attractive. so there. take your medicine. you will be cured.

3. Heebie Jeebie Newbie Cooties

Everyone that gets out of a relationship faces this last one. When your relationship season changes from 'taken' to 'broken' aka 'single'.. you don't like the fact that you're not comfortable with the dudes and chicks you're going out with... these Newbies aren't like your old boyfriend or girlfriend... they don't know that when they say 'legit' you vomit silently.. they don't know that when you say 'stop tickling me' you mean.. STOP EFFING TICKLING ME BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE GONADS.
The worst is when you start to actually like someone.. and you HATE IT. You give yourself the heebie jeebies because.. what the FREAK are you doing?!

Re.LAX. everything is new at one point or another.. dont put so much thought into who has the upper hand.. who says what first.. who calls who first... if you like each other.. you need to knock it off and get out of your own way! Go into it thinking.. this will most likely work out.. instead of.. this most likely WONT work out. Allow yourself to let your guard down.. get the wiggles out.. this new thing.. if you can actually give it a chance.. could very soon turn into a natural.. regular.. not-so-new thing.

Prescription..? Plenty of rest for your mind and your butterflies. Knock it off. you're fine. You have to give SOMEONE a chance.

Every sickness has a cure. Our bodies are perfect machines designed to fix and repair themselves. Our hearts are the same way... every heart ache.. uncomfortable moment.. and sniffle we run into has a remedy.. Our hearts are programed for love. Let yourself love and be loved. By yourself as well as by someone else.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... A blog a day keeps callymon sane.

Here's to the next few days of drugs.. vicks vapor rub.. orange juice.. and cough medicine.
Cheers.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon

.. Circus Performers ..

Who are you when i'm not looking?
Although this country song talks about the endearing side of someone when they're by themselves.. not worried about what the world thinks.. with quarks.. bad habits.. messy rooms.. and a bad belching problem... i want you to really ask yourself this question...
Who are you when nobody else is around? ... Who would you be letting down if they saw you do some of the things you've done and say some of the things that you've said in private? Who would be surprised? Who's heart would you break?
This question has been on my mind for a while now.. it all started when i was exposed to the double life of a couple friends of mine.

While vegging with my room mates on our couch yesterday.. i relayed what had happened..

Last week, my really good friend Jake.. (good enough that he was willing to expose his 'other side'.. or good enough that he didn't even think about it..) was on my computer while we sat on my couch watching Glee. As he continued to facebook stalk some girls.. he would give his commentary.. complete with his agenda with each of them. ... im not retarded.. i was fine with this.. but as he went back and forth from his cell phone to his fb messages.. i asked his girl situation in full.
I definitely got the dramatic story i was looking for... and it surprised me.

Jake had dated this girl Alex on and off for like 3 years. I knew of alex, obviously but had never heard the whole saga..
He loved her.. but he refused to commit to her and only her. As his convenience allowed.. he would call her.. slay her... cuddle with her.. vent to her.. fight with her.. do everything that an 'old married couple' was complete with.. just with out the strings attached. Alex loves Jake.. and jake knows it.. so he takes advantage of the 'opportunity' as he calls it. He figures that Alex doesn't mind because he knows he's filling a need in her as well. He explained with a sincerely smug look on his face that they both benefit from his screwed up arrangement of 'playing house' and then 'playing playa'.. he gets his freedom.. while she gets her moments of amazingness. He couldn't see any problems with stringing her along because he still cared about her... so why should he let go of that option? He would tell Alex that he just 'wasn't ready to settle down'.. that he 'wasn't really dating'.. he just 'needed time' and that they would 'figure it out'. Obviously this kept Alex.. who loved Jake and would do anything for jake... who also had been waiting for jake for 3 years.. in Jake's back pocket. doing just that... waiting.

THEN. he proceeded to pull up his facebook messages and go through his library of text messages from other girls. HE WAS BEING A TOTAL SKEEEEZZZ! He would write every girl on facebook that he thought was attractive and tell them the saaame thing.. that he found them extremely attractive.. he was recently out of a relationship so he 'didn't really know how to do this..' and then ask for their number. Judging on his level of attractiveness (ya he's like a 9.8... you're welcome jake).. every.single.girl. would give it to him! He could play skeez ball bingo with their responses... all somewhere along the lines of.. 'awww you're totally fine! you just need to ask! duh! ya we should TOTALLY hang out...
'would you like to make out too?' ..
'if its on the menu..'

I"m talkin like.. he would hang out with one friend... notice another friend that was cute... and hook up with both of them within a couple weeks. the dudes got GAME!
All his juggling he should join the freaking circus!!!
To every girl he looked and sounded sincere. I even got to witness a few of the hang outs.. he was smooth.. 'genuine'.. and seemed really interested in every girl he took out.. then. he would get home.. and text Alex his famous 'Goodnight babe.. hope your day was great! miss you!'

WHHHAAAAT? really?? Even jake's other friends.. his home dawgs.. whatever.. even THEY weren't aware that he was chasing more tail than a dog. he kept it very secretive.. covering his tracks.. lying through his teeth about every situation. Even trash talking Alex to his buddies on FB. Telling them how clingy she was.. and how annoying the whole situation was.. and how she ;just couldn't get over it.

On the surface.. he was this incredible.. amazing guy! But dig not much deeper.. and you find a completely different person!

At the beginning of the story.. i told you i was telling my room mates this.. While i completed this story with my over zealous facial expressions and dramatic pauses.. gasps.. and dun dun duns... they took it all in.. and then concluded that i had simply gone where very few girls had gone before...... i had a look at the inner mind of a guy... DUN DUN DUUUUNNN..
They made an overall decision that all guys were like this... just nobody knows about it! That if every girl had access to every guy's texts and facebooks and thoughts, that they would all see the inner snake in their knight in shining armor.

Clearly my whole house has trust issues. I'm working on my hating-man-syndrome.. and im gonna go ahead and say that no.. i dont REALLY believe that all guys are like this.. at least i hope they're not! but i'm gonna put it on 'human being' in general.

What secrets would you be ashamed of? Who are you cynically leading on for your own personal convenience? Who are you lying to because you think you'll never get caught?

It's what you do when nobody is around that makes up who you are.. NOT how good of an actor you can be. NOT what you can get away with!

I have a friend named Jamie that dated a guy named Rich for 2 1/2 years.. They were more in love than anyone i had ever seen. On the surface it was the perfect relationship...
After Rich completely out of the blue broke Jamie's heart with no apparent reason.. the creme started rising to the top.
Rich's friends.. and other girls started coming to Jamie to apologize.. assuming that she already knew... Rich had been cheating on Jamie their ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP!! wtfreak?!?
Jamie wasn't completely deaf dumb and blind.. she had heard the rumors go around... she had caught wind of what was going on several times... But every time she brought it up to Rich.. he would make her feel guilty for even thinking it for one second! He would turn the situation on her.. tell her she was making him feel bad because he could never ever do that to her and she should know that!
uuuh.... Rich? YOU SUCK. and you are straight retarded.. even some of Jamie's supposed 'good friends through association' were in on the big scheme. Before Rich had broken up with her.. they felt a certain amount of loyalty and 'guy code' or whatevvvver. But then they broke up and uuh obviously crap hit the fan.

Really? homie.. 2 years?!!! wtfreak!

Honestly... who are you when its JUST you?? Who are you pretending to be??
What are you saying.. doing.. and acting like JUST to get ahead in life? When does the ACTUAL you come out? We are taught to believe in innocent until proven guilty.. yet we live in a world that if we don't consider 'guilty until proven innocent'.. then we're naive.

What friends do you throw under the bus to be the 'expert' on someone? What lies do you prance around telling people and potential relationship-ees just to make sure you can keep them on the line?

You need to remember that you are building your own mansion.. nobody else's. That every good and honest deed you do.. every genuine act.. every time of adversity that you are able to overcome.. every gossip session you avoid.. is a brick. Nobody else will benefit or suffer from your lack of or abundance of property. Your character mansion is under construction.. being built every single day.. it is the honest core of who you are.. and you are ruining it by being anything less than REAL.
If you believe that everything happens for a reason then REASON with yourself.. cuz by living or telling lies you are making the wrong dang things happen.. and you're screwing with other people's lives as well as your own. You are making the entire 'everything happens for a reason' concept invalid because you're manipulating the world around you in a negative way.

In my favorite movie..'EVER AFTER'.. the roll of the evil step sister Margarite tries to play the prince like she's an innocent lovely lady. She keeps her act up every time she's in front of the prince so he knows no different... however.. like regular life..... the creme rises to the top and her bratty retardedness is revealed in the end when he falls in love with her sister.. the cinderella figure, Danielle.

Alright one final story. sorry.
So. my friend Aubry just met this boy John... she pretttty much fell in love with him on the spot. She had a class with him and realized at the end of the 3 hour block that he was exactly her type! HOWEVER... John had sort of dated one of our other friends Carrie.. or had almost sort of dated her?? Carrie and John would make out a couple times a week.. and had been hanging out.. 'progressing'.. or so she thought.. for that month they were doin their thing..
UUh.. come to find out.. john had had an almost girlfriend.. the whole time. so. sketchy points went up..
In PERSON john seemed to be the greatest.. most spiritual.. all his crap together kind of guy! But according to his past.. or at least the stories about his past.. he was a total sketch ball!!
So what the freak is Aubry supposed to do???!

You may be the best actor in the world.. but sooner or later.. your true colors will be revealed. When they are.. be a pretty picture. Not an ugly smelly one thats hidden under perfumes and illusions for as long as you could stand it.

Work to be the same person when no one is looking that you are when you're under the spot light and microscope. If its hard for you... realize you're hurting people.. most of all yourself..and CHANGE. Fake is never a word used in a positive sense. Be real. Be you. and let everything happen for the RIGHT reasons. Don't be a circus performer.. don't HAVE to worry about juggling the people and relationships in your life. Be you.. in real life.

Until Later! xoxo
-Callymon

..How do you know..

It takes a lot to be exceptional at anything in life. Hard work, practice, perseverance, talent, they all important in the creation of excellence. To get to the top of the top.. and more importantly STAY at the top of the top, you need one extra ingredient. A gem rarer than diamonds, but just as recognizable.
If being extraordinary was easy... everyone would do it. if being famous only had to do with how bad you wanted it.. anyone could be.
There are lots of excellent basketball players that practice their guts out..but only a few that fill NBA slots.. fewer that make it on to winning teams.. and even fewer that get on teams that they want to be on. 1 out of every 20,000 college basketball players ever see the NBA court.
There are tons of singers that have incredible voices and extraordinary talent.. but only a handful that make it onto the charts.. fewer that stay there.. and even fewer that you could call actual 'stars'.
What then separates the excellent from the ridiculously incredible? What gets them through the door.. on the stage.. and under the spotlight?
What makes someone a CEO vs. a minimum wage employee?
There are only so many things in life that someone can control - and then there are instincts... Gut feelings...things people are born with.. things that no one could explain.
The term that's used in the entertainment industry is the 'IT' factor. Nobody can explain what exactly is included in 'IT'.. or how someone gets 'IT'.. but you can definitely tell when they have it - and when they don't. There are no exercises that someone can practice to better their 'IT' quality. No drugs someone can take or amount of money someone can pay to be actual 'star material'.. they either have 'IT' or they don’t. No questions. Yes, you can be successful without 'it'.. hard work obviously gets you places.. but 'it' is what separates the top.. from the royalty. The difference between a pop-star and Michael Jackson... a basketball player and Michael Jordan.. They have something special.. they have 'IT'.
As hard as 'IT' is to define.. It's just as easy to recognize. You just know.

Like the 'IT' factor in the entertainment industry.. 'true love'... or 'hubby'... would be used to explain the 'it' factor of love and romance. You just know.
As much as it would rock to be able to come up with a mathematical formula for love.. something you could practice to make perfect.. a statistic that would render true to every circumstance, love isn't something calculated at all. It rarely makes sense.. yet it makes perfect sense when its perfect. In the same way that there are no two exact human beings in existence.. the same is that with love. There are no two romances or love stories exactly alike.
Some people would use the word 'chemistry'.. but seeing as two people's chemistry is often times defined by how much they want to slay each other.. we're gonna need to use a different word.. something foreign to the world of 'chemistry' and all other sciences... our 'it' love factor of 'magic'.

If you're anything like me, you've sat down with married couples- parents, siblings, friends, everyone that's won the retarded game of love, hung their hat up, and are finally allowed to be happy - and asked them.. how they met their spouse.. and how they 'knew'. What made them decide to be with this person forever?
To this question.. 3/4 of them probably answered 'WHEN YOU KNOW.. YOU KNOW!'. At this answer, we all rolled over and barfed.. or wanted to punch them in the face for not giving us the answers to life's most important test.

If it was that easy... you just KNOW.. then wouldn't more of us just.. know?
Living in Provo, Utah... people are droppin like flies. its like the ship is goin down!! and everyone is determined to get hitched asap so they don't die alone when the band starts playing 'my heart will go on'.

In society there are rules of engagement on the road to engagement.. but when it comes down to it.. its the uniqueness of your romance that makes it yours. SO.
How many dates do you have to go on before you feel like you 'gave it a fair shot'?

I heard a man tell his 'story' in church on sunday of how on his first date with his wife they knew they were getting married.. couldn't it be the same on the other end as well? Knowing your first date that it was NOT gonna work out with the awkward human being in front of you eating his napkin.
My friend Jordan and his wife knew the second week they started dating (and i mean like.. they met.. and 2 weeks later..) that they were getting married. 3 months later.. engaged. 4 months later... married.
and then i have a friend - Britney.. that weeds through guys at such a rapid rate.. its like she's grocery shopping.. picking a peanut butter brand.. no. no. too chunky..no. maybe. no. not smooth enough.. no. no.

People are so concerned and caught up with 'knowing' that they're afraid of actually knowing... or even afraid to give what they know COULD work a chance. They're so thrown off that they KNOW too quickly.. or NO too quickly.. or not fast enough.. that they're caught in their own revolving door of trying to do the whole 'love thing' the right way.
Why do we have to 'know'... can't we just KNOW?!!

Is it better to be the person that can tell after 1 date whether something is going to work or not... or be the person who's dated someone for 5 years and still questions whether they 'know'?

Can we adopt our married friends' mentality of 'when you know you know'.. and reverse that to.. 'when you know it's no.. you know..' ..?


Many relationships have one person that will 'know'.. and the other one will 'no'. Who then is wrong? Who is right? The power lies with whoever cares less.. so because the situation caters to their agenda more.. does that make them in the right?

I have a friend that within the first hour of meeting a guy.. she knows whether or not she could marry them. Kate, this friend, will go down her check list with in the first 5 minutes...
- attractive..
- straight teeth..
- mentally competent..
and then give him a chance to wow her. If the connection is made.. he gets a second date. (or first) if the connection is not made.. she moves on.

Many people would call kate 'shallow' and say that she doesn't give guys a fair shot... that she'll most likely die alone because she writes people off too quickly.
No. i believe Kate is working in a factory of love. when something doesn't turn out right.. she doesn’t try to sell it.. she gets rid of it. She doesn't try to force a connection between her and the flavor of the week... she accepts the fact that there is either 'magic'.. or its a strictly muggle relationship.

Some people have the rule that 'everyone deserves at least one date'... as much as i think you need to get to know people.. i think this rule is poppycock. If you know for a fact that you are not interested in this human being... why lead them on for even one date? no. you 'no'.

On the other hand.. you hear about people that write people off completely... ending with closure and all... and then they end up marrying them...? Love is confusing.. and complicated. - even more so when you try and 'figure it out'.

In many cases... the chick in the relationship will 'know' before the guy..
this is cuz guys are slow and they have no clue what they want. They usually, however, come around eventually..
for example:
My friend Rachel started hanging out and dating this boy Brantly.. He was a stud.. and she was into him. It started out suuuper casual.. they were very unofficial and didn't even tell each other that they liked each other.
The longer they hung out.. the more apparent it became that it was going somewhere. Rachel - being a girl.. was afraid to bring up the DTR (define the relationship). And Brantly.. being a dude.. was scared to DEATH of the DTR.. so naturally... they avoided it at all costs. They knew things were right... they knew they were in love.. but.. things had happened too fast to be going by the rule book.. so. of course.. they stayed on the path most traveled.. and tried to slow things down.
The longer they went without reassuring their affection for each other.. the more insecure the both of them became. FINALLY.. cuz rachel is a BA.. she got fed up with the games of 'so.. my friend tried to set me up with this chick.. would you be mad if i went..?'.. 'i got asked out again... i said no.. but would you be mad if i had said yes..?'.... so she went into her frank conversation bag and pulled out the DTR within.
She told Brantly that she liked him.. she wanted to be with him.. but if they were going to continue on this retarded road of dance around each other and be retarded about their feelings then she was gonna need to move on.
Brantly.. content with the fact that he had gained the upper hand.. let her sweat it out.. cuz he's a douche. He told her he was still unsure if he wanted to have a serious girlfriend.. but he for sure still wanted to keep dating her.. so he would let her know.
At this.. Rachel had already decided that it COULD work out with Brantly.. if he wasn't such a douche.. but it didn't have to.. clearly.
Rachel 'knew'.. and Brantly didn’t. so.. naturally she started pulling away and dating other people... she started pulling the 'fade out'.. when all the sudden... dun dun dun..ok wait. not all the SUDDEN.. like.. 2 months later..? Brantly pulled his head out of his bum and realized that... DUH. he was being a friggin retard.
As soon as he realized that he was losing/had lost the best thing that had ever happened to him.. he forgot about his provo all-star upper hand.. and gave into the fact that hey... relationships and love isn't for the bees.. and even though things had happened fast in his book with rachel... if it was right... he should let it be right!
He went back to Rachel... apologized for taking so long. and finally got into the relationship he SHOULD'VE been in all along.
2 months later... they were engaged. and so the story continues of people abandoning ship hand in hand.


Last.. but certainly not least.. is the story of my friend Beth.
Beth and Charlie.. had dated in high school.. they had dated in jr. high.. and now.. they were filling each other's grown up dating cards.
Because they had so much history.. they fell into comfortable patterns easily. They loved each other.. they knew that. But all the sudden.. they were in search of something more.
being 24 and 25.. they knew they were at the age where they should be looking for someone to marry.. and up until this burden had been put on their shoulders.. they had very much liked the idea of spending forever together.. it was magical.. it was easy.. it was love.
The more time they spent with each other...the more and more people would pull out the ol dating rule book and tell them how their story should be progressing. that 'after this amount of time... shouldn't you be engaged... after this amount of time.. shouldn't you know this.. and this.. and blah blah blah..?'
Because A. this scared the living day lights out of both of them.. and B. they both weren't ready to get married..and both unwilling to recognize that.. they decided mutually that it must just not be 'right' with them.
That by NOW.. they should 'know'.. and if they didn't feel ready to make that jump... they must 'no'.
So. they broke up. They went separate ways.. deTERMINED that they WERE in the mind set of marriage.. and it was only a matter of finding the right person!
They both started dating other people... Beth jumped into a relationship with a fantastic guy named Seth.. and Charlie jumped every female he could find..
Both were unhappy.. but both kept trucking along.
After a couple months of distance... history brought them back together. 2 days after Beth had dumped mr. fantastic.. and Charlie had made his 29th booty call of the week.. they both went to a BBQ of an old high school friend.
Just being together got to both of them.. and they decided that even though they 'knew' it wasn't right.. they could still hang out as friends.
Every time they hung out.. the comfortability... the easiness... the 40 year old married couple routine and bickering and everything.. it would all come back. Everything about them together was perfect.. but because they had decided that they had 'no-wn' they ignored the perfection.. and even talked about if they could only find what they had in other people.. their lives would be complete.
SO.. because they were complete idiots.. they continued to ignore the silver platter romance they had in front of them... and continued looking for beth and charlie replacements.
They had written each other off... it wasn't 'right'... they 'knew'.. they had closure to the matter... until... dun dun dun...
At the death of Beth's great-grandma.. Beth went straight to charlie for a good strong.. comfortable.. shoulder to cry on. After a few hours and cycles of talking.. crying.. and settling down.. Beth went to leave Charlie's house.. as she hugged him goodbye... he turned to her and said.. 'k.. well. i love you.' and then stopped. realized he meant it with every fiber of his being... and said it again. 'i love you beth.'.. she froze. realized she loved him back.. the way she had always wanted to.. or always had but recently had been ignoring.. and said it back.. 'i love you too charlie.'...
insert most firework inducing.. movie star epic.. best most incredible kiss ever. BAM.
They never spent a day apart after that.
2 months later.. to their parents delight.. they were engaged.. 4 months after that.. they were married... and now.. a year later.. THEY'RE HAVIN A BABY!!
The second they realized that they KNEW before they ever had to 'know'.. they let all the rules in the dumb books.. and people telling them how their romance should be playing out.. go. As soon as they let go of the fact that they knew.. they didn't need to 'know'. they didn't need to worry about how fast or slow or unorthodox their romance had been.. even though to the outside world it was a perfect fairy tale... they just needed to have a serious wake up call.


True love is like magic.. not like science.. Every story is different. And to everyone jumping ship... this is a scary concept. Nobody is there to tell you what rules to follow.. and how to formulate perfect love. There are no ways to create the 'it' factor.. you have it or you don't. Don't be so concerned with 'knowing' and 'no-ing' that you fail to recognize greatness in front of you. Go with your gut.. recognize right-ness.. and wrong-ness.. recognize the 'it factor' that's so unique.. and irreplaceable in your life.
Stop and take a second to breathe. The ship isn't going down!
Now. Realize that you DO have something to lose. Brantly with rachel... charlie and beth with each other..
If you have... or are losing.. something great... grab a life jacket.. and JUMP. Whether your jump is marriage.. finally having that DTR.. or dropping the L bomb...
There's questioning.. there's uncertainty.. and there's insanity and just being stupid.. Don't worry so much about 'knowing' and just KNOW.

Cuz when you know you know.. right?

Until later..
xoxo
-Callymon

.. The Ex Girlfriends Club ..

Every once upon a time.. after a long (or not so long) journey.. quest.. and chain of dramatic events.. every beginning.. will end one of 2 ways.. happily ever after.. or The End.
Every relationship you will ever get into whether its puppy love or not.. will end in the same one of two ways... you will either break up.. or get married. There is no alternative. And since most people only do the marriage thing ONCE.. most people end up with a roster of people dubbed 'EX' in their little black books.
Some rosters have the numbers of a golf team.. or a quartette.. others could easily fill an NFL football team.. or an entire high school.
In this blog we talk alot about the different aspects of love and relationships.. how to get in them.. what to do while you're in them.. how to get out of them.. what to do once you're out of them..
Today we're gonna talk about what we ACTUALLY do when we get out of the relationships that don't end in happily ever after.. or at least the ones that haven't ended there so far.. The ones we feel are still being written.. or the ones we've torn the last page out of because we didn't like the way it was written.


There's a fine line between crazy and sane... between stalker and pursuer.. insane and brilliant.. right and wrong.. hopelessly devoted and patiently waiting.. no and not now.. are you freaking insane and aaww that's cute.. between aaahh and aawwww..
Many people flirt shamelessly with this line... especially the insanely attractive and swagged out playa g's you don't think to question.
While you're dating these crack addicts.. you don't seem to notice the on-the-fence behavior so much.. its when you break up that alllll the fun stuff gets revealed.

We've all had a version of this conversation with ourselves.....
"I dont like to think of myself as a professional facebook stalker... i like to look at it as strategic.. resourceful.. and practicing a future as a personal investigator for the FBI. I have to build a resume SOME how right? why not start with the sketchy chicks my ex is now dating?"
or
"stalking isn't the word... i'm simply running into him in a premeditated way... if i HAPPEN to show up to the party he said he was going to on his wall... its one of those 'fate' things. we were TOTALLY meant to see each other tonight!..i just have to PLAN these 'accidental run-ins' so that i'm wearing my best lou buttons and my hair is curled... duh."

The flaws in our society become more and more apparent as all of you involuntarily nod your heads in agreement.
See when we're dating someone.. assuming there's mutual trust there.. all our strategy and cunning planning gets put in a cupboard to gather dust until one day that lying cheating son of a duck does you wrong and you get to whip it out again. The longer the relationship was.. the more deprived you've been of the personal and thrilling drama of it all.. and the stronger your black ops mission senses kick in.

Getting out of relationships is hard for everyone. No matter the maturity level.. Everyone gets jealous. No matter how well they hide it.. everyone gets sad. its just the way love works. When these unfortunate relationships take the happily never after turn.. you're faced with another fork in the road.
It then becomes either.. 'this one jerk i dated'.. that you get over and move on from.. still secretly braggin to your friends that you slayed him/her cuz they're so attractive but they're 'SOOO not your type'.... or.. they become like the fly paper that's unbearably.. unIMAGINABLY sticky that you just can't seem to let go! They either become another marble in the jar.. or become the hemp bracelet you never take off.

If you're able to live and let go.. then you probably still do these things.. you just aren't intentionally ruining their lives in the process..
If you swear you're still supposed to be with that person and you can't bear the thought of them with someone else.... yaaa... you do it on purpose.

There are a couple different ways that these situations are handled..
The Black Widow.. and the silent but deadly.

first... the BLACK WIDOW technique. (cue mission impossible music)


I swear the government needs to catch on and develop an all female unit.. the Women in Black... the Black Widows.. that be creepin in yo windows.. snatchin yo hunnies up.. hide yo potential wives.. hide ya friendddss.. hide yaa blog.. they stalkin everyone up herrr.
ok. no. not every ex is a crazy stalker.
women.. and men.. just become conveniently very resourceful in times of need. its a survival tactic.
But in all seriousness.. government... take note. all. female. unit. they would handle their business like no one you've ever seen!! i mean yaa guys can be all... rawwrrrr.. jealous.. and punch something.. but you mess with our personal lives? and we mess you UP! i'm talkin psychologically.. emotionally... physically... psychotically. it goes DOWN! It gets personal.

You know the hard thing about living in general..? anywhere.. and everywhere you go, you bounce from bubble to bubble. the once 6 degrees of separation.. have become 2.. and our black ops widows use this to their advantage...

Even without facebook, before you date someone you know everything about them.. what their number was on the kissing rating list.. who've they've dated.. who they've cheated on.. who they cheated with... you get the run down from friends that know friends that are 'looking out for you'... Everyone knows everyone.. everyone's dated everyone.. in one way or another.. You've entered a bubble.
This is why when you break up.. and pop the bubble.. or damage something inside of the bubble..stirrrrr the bubble a little bit.. Everyone knows about it.
Suddenly your ex becomes friends with EVERY. SINGLE. ATTRACTIVE. PERSON. that you would EVER date... and you can't even call them out on it!!
You come to realize that, with how small the world is.. you are no longer the only mutual friend between your ex and your new potential hook up. in other words.. you're screwed.

Once your ex hones in on the 'code book'.. girl-code.. guy-code.. whatever... they can pull the code on your entire LIFE.. banishing you from any circle they run in because 'how could anyone do that to their new best friend?'.

Guys form fraternities sworn to never date ex's.. screwing over any girl..and all her friends.. that have dated any of the 35 guys that have now suddenly become best friends.

The other side of this.. well. not even the other side.. its just a special division of the club... are.. the 'SILENT BUT DEADLY'.

These are the unnaturally attractive ex's that make sure you see them every place possible so that they can never fully leave your system. They hang out with your friends.. they are in a position where your family would gladly trade you for them... they leave all the pictures up on fb of you two.. making it appear that you guys haven't skipped a beat.
The ultimate c.block. t.block. whatever... they make sure girls.. and guys.. don't wanna get involved.

They stamp 'its complicated' all OVER your relationship without ever having to really say anything!
They also use this 2 degree of separation rule... but they use it to keep the fire and gossip about you two alive! When asked how you guys are.. instead of replying that you had a big hard break up... they leave the mystery of it all out in the open with lines like.. 'i never know with him'..... 'you know how we are..'.... or better yet.. 'eh.. we'll be fine.'
Who wants to fight a ghost? nobody! so people stay OUT of it!!

The fine line that we talked about earlier is weaved in and out of... crossing and uncrossing.. only really forcing every ex out there to land on one side of it.. when their story comes to its own happy ending.
If two people end up together because one was being stupid... it all ends in sanity and roses.
If they end up apart... they are placed in a creepy creepy scrap book that they burn on their wedding day of all those ex's that 'one time did...'

If two people ARE supposed to be together.. all the games are stupid and will be laughed at.
If one person can't rid themselves of the sticky flypaper they've attached themselves too.. sorry charlie you wont get the last laugh... you will be laughed at.

I know you want a big relationship evaluation and MAD advice after this lovely post...
but my advice?

I'm not gonna tell you to man up and get over someone... the healing process is a WHOLE separate other blog.. i'll tell you HOW to get over someone later.. But while you're in this phase of 'not over someone'.. cuz yes. this black ops stuff does mean you're not over them... check where you're at on the spectrum... what side of the fence you lie on..We alllll do at least some of it! If you're now realizing that you're a bit too obvious.. go watch some CSI/Criminal Minds.. put on mission impossible and invest in some sly glasses. mayyybe even.. heaven forbid.. ease up on the stalking.. friending.. and scheming.
If you are 'way too mature for this' then good for friggin you.. you in denial son of a duck.
we know that you're the worst of all of us. you're silent but fatal.

A rule i live by? If you have to tell someone you ARE then you AREN'T...
- friendly..
- smart..
- attractive..
- amazing..
- in shape..
- talented..
- over someone..

If you have to convince someone that you ARE.. then clearly you are not.
Just BE.. and you will be eventually. Dont worry about putting on a show.
You dont have to be over someone and frankly its nobody's business whether you are or aren't. But ruining people's lives isn't nice. so don't do that. be in the bubble.. but not of the bubble. It's a small enough world as it is.
Be your best you.. and there's no way that anyone could NOT miss you.

Until later! xoxo
-Callymon

..Security Breach..

I'll start out by saying that if you want a happily ever after.. stop reading this.
If you want one of my fun stories that start with an awkward couple meant to be.. and ends with fireworks and goodnight kisses.. this isn't the blog for you.
This love story doesn't end well..
is it helpful..? yes. insightful..? yes. Will it give you new perspective? i think so.
But there are no fireworks tonight. Fireworks don't show in rainstorms. No sweeping off of feet and landing in prince charming's arms in the last second. I'll warn you about this story full of walls and flaws and coming to look at yourself in the mirror for who you are.. and who you always wanted to be.. or who and what you always thought you would be.

People pay a lot of money to feel secure. Look at all the guys these countless blogs make fun of.. that make bank roll selling.. just that... guaranteed security.. security systems. systems that make you feel safe. like nothing can hurt you. How do you even put a price on that?
Exactly. so people fork out the cash and put the state of the art systems into their homes.

If you could guarantee security and safety to your heart.. it would be priceless.
We search for the 'state of the art' defense systems to protect us... and we at least have a bat handy at all times.. just in case.
We all have our defense mechanisms.

Before i really get into it.. i'll apologize.. i know this blog is kinda all over the place.. if you've made it this far.. just bear with me.


I have an extremely high pain tolerance level.
It takes a lot to make me cry.. feel uncomfortable.. or at least show that i'm uncomfortable.. my camel's back can hold a dang lot of straws.

When i was a senior in high school (so aaages ago right..) i hurt myself cheerleading which lead to the first major surgery in my life - a knee surgery. This surgery and recovery taught me a lot about who and what good ol callymon was made of. When i was put out for the surgery my body accepted the general anesthetic.. but as soon as it was time to wake up.. instead of going through the crazy.. groggy.. out of it phase.. i was UP! 2 minutes later i was crackin jokes with the nurse.. asking about things i had missed that i needed to make up in school.. all the time complaining that my knee hurt pretty dang bad.
Being a glorified legalized drug dealer.. the nurse started giving me morphine in my IV.. when nothing happened.. and i still felt pain.. like.. just as much pain as before getting blood-fed heroine.. she gave me more. Each time, after she shot me up.. waiting for me to drift off into oblivion. Waiting patiently for my head to SLAM into my pillow. My pain never changed.
After giving me enough morphine to - as she said - 'put me in a coma for 3 days' she decided to call it quits.. what a doll.
After getting home.. the same process happened with my pain meds. At first, i knnnoww my mom didn't believe me when i told her that my pain wasn't even dulled a LITTLE bit when i took the Loritab and the Perkiset.. but after the first day.. i just didn't take any more.

I have a high pain TOLERANCE level.. which means.. i can FEEL juuust as much pain as everyone else.. i just handle it differently. If i just didn't feel pain.. that would be fantastic. But the fact that i take it.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.. now THAT just makes me a freak.
I find this to be my biggest fault. The biggest obstacle and flaw in life.

Because when it comes to relationships.. not just love relationships.. i mean relationships with human beings... i have an extremely high pain tolerance level. I take the pain and crap that people dish out.. put some chocolate sauce on it.. and eat it for breakfast.

I haven't always been this way. There was definitely a time when i was a cry baby.. i mean maybe i was a crack addict cry baby that morphine didn't work on.. but at least emotionally i was a vulnerable feminine wuss that let people do things for me.. that would cry when i got hurt and build walls and beds of egg shells for my heart to remain boxed in by - easily broken.. easily replaced. I used to be normal. an emotional roller coaster. i used to be ok with being weak. Now i have a body-builder heart.
and you know when you get reallllly fit.. or realllllly skinny and its hard mentally to ever be anything else? Like once you hit that point of your peak.. anything else makes you feel inadequate and .. weak..? Once you build rock solid walls around your life.. and your heart.. and your mind... big thick sheets of concrete replaced by egg shells make you feel naked. Once you've been hurt.. you're determined to never be hurt again.

I look at vulnerability as a weakness. I blame our society - in part.

Look at the dumb dating games that we have to play in order to get into what we call 'functional relationships..'
When you start talking to someone - not even to the 'dating' phase yet.. you have to worry about seeming needy.. whiney.. too interested.. too invested.. too 'there for them'.. cuz then.. jelllooo.. you get 'stage 5 clinger status'. If you text someone back too quickly you're immediately ruled out because you seem desperate.. if you don't play 'hard to get' then you are walked all over and tossed out with the morning trash.

We all battle every day for the upper hand. My problem is that i can give advice to others all day and say 'dont do this'.. 'dont play games they're dumb'.. when in reality.. in life in GENERAL.. not just my love life.. if some sort of 'game' isn't played.. i act like every other tool out there and move right along!
We've been mentally conditioned to seek approval from those who dont give it easily..
we've been evolutionized into thinking that we have to put up with it.. and we feed each other the same crap. we're all eating off the same plate.. all drinking the same bong water.. and nobody will put a stop to it!

I look at people that have other people help them with their problems as incompetent. Any sign of weakness and i pity them for not having the b- guts to man up and handle their business.
I shut others out. i speak my mind. and i SUCK at being a chick.

i'm like the big robot monster on the Incredibles.. in the movie.. for all of you that are retarded and dont watch the best movies available.. this monster learns from each person it defeats. It gets stronger and stronger with each fall.. teaching itself how to never fall the same way twice.
I look at relationships that fail.. people that fail in areas of their lives.. and learn from them. teaching myself to never fall the way they fell. whether its to their hands and knees.. or in love.
There's enough disfunction in the world to keep me pretty daaang busy trying to fix myself into a bomb shelter thick environment so that nothing and no one will ever hurt me.

It would be really easy for me to go into a well known.. well rehearsed monologue that many dramatic girls give about.. be alone.. its easier.. or.. you're better off with out him.. whoever 'him' happens to be.. a boyfriend.. an ex.. a figure in your life that let you down.. a dream that got the best of you.. stand strong.. chicks rule.. pounding my chest with one hand.. other fist in the air.. with a girl-power t-shirt on..
I could tell you tough girls to never fall in love.
The ones that have trouble letting past relationships go because for some reason they eat pain with their cornflakes.. to just forget it.
I could tell you boys to avoid us chicks that vulnerability scares. That we're long lost hopeless cases.... hopelessly devoted to something that was never ours.

But i'm not going to.

We don't need to be alone.. we need someone tougher than us to come in with a bulldozer and force us to knock our dang bomb shelter walls down. We need to realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people.. and that not everything in life is our fault. Sometimes things just happen.
Some things happen that you're not SUPPOSED to fix. Some things go wrong that have nothing to do with your life.

I have a friend named Miranda that, like me, has an extremely high emotional pain tolerance level.
She has taken crap from the same guy for a year and a half. He hurts her.. she goes back for more.. he hurts her again.. she blames herself.. and goes back again.
She's like a boxer without gloves.. going into a ring with someone 3 times her weight class.. in heels.. getting WORKED.. rubbin some dirt in it.. and getting back in there for more. It's just illogical.
Miranda grew up with a mom that was tough as nails. Her shambled marriage affected miranda in the fact that she stuck with it for a while. Like Miranda.. she took the blows in the ring.. and ate pain for breakfast. Miranda was hand fed this mentality of love and slowly started building her own callus. 5 years ago.. her mom got divorced. Because of the scarlet D carved into her moms chest.. she too took a big red sharpie and drew one on her own.. thinking that all relationships in her life were bound to end the same way. She would take the pain.. handle life on her own.. never back down..make her own success.. be her own companion.. and come out a winner.

It doesn’t have to work that way. Dysfunction is not genetic. Vulnerability isn't bad.
Just because we will do it ourselves.. doesn't mean we WANT TO... men! are you listening?!

Just because we've built these walls ready for the atomic bomb doesn't mean we don't wanna snuggle inside of them! We want to be loved and held and treated like a woman the same way a whiney.. needy.. vulnerable chick does!

I know i talk to a very select group when i address chicks that suck at being chicks...
but girls... if you're listening.. reading.. whatever.. please take this into consideration.

Everything that has broken you down.. broken your spirit.. and made you build this callus towards men and towards love.. let them make you better.. and stronger.. not tougher.
Don't be a wall that no one can break down. Don't shut off those feelings. and don't look at femininity as a weakness.
Men fill their roll. and as women we fill ours. As much as i try and avoid it.. i want to be taken care of. I want to be the chick in a relationship. i want that state of the art emotional security system on my heart.

Cuz break it down...

When it comes down to it.. when you actually GET in a relationship with someone.....
would you rather have someone needy? or distant?
Would you rather have someone that WANTED to talk to you all the time? or someone that could care less if you texted them back??
Do you really WANT the upper hand with your future relationships? This epic status and way of thinking that we've all strived to achieve and maintain is counterproductive and mind-screwing!!

You boys that think you want a tough chick... have made tough chicks out of wimps.. that are afraid to be anything but on their guard 24/7.

All we want to feel is secure. Emotional consistency is the key in providing that. Don't push your tolerance to a place where it will break you.. you don't have to see how much you can handle before it kills you. Admitting weakness is a very strong act.
Break down your own walls.. breach your own security system.. and invest in a emotional security system in another. Cuz the world is a screwed up place.. and nobody should have to face it alone. - even if they think they want to.

Sorry for the saddness..
Until later xox
-callymon

..Makin the team..

As summer's end gets closer and closer.. many of you will look back and evaluate your summer lovin experience. Whether you got engaged... broke up... got closure.. found new love.. or filled your roster (and canteen).. hopefully your summer was filled with something you could find in one of the cheesy movies that came out this season.
In earlier posts i expressed what my ideal summer of love consisted of.... no steady relationships.. girls nights.. (or guys nights).. parties.. and being constantly on the prowl. As i listen to the evaluation of lots of different summers.... a constant question and issue has popped up..
girls have wanted to be 'dating' a guy they've been dating... but he has had the scarlet P branded into his chest for 'player'..
And guys are so dang confused cuz they think they're NOT a player when they are.. or are being accused of being one when really.. They don't mean to be.. and nobody understands why they've developed this 'bad rep'. well. let me educate you.

As we transition from summer to fall.. we transition from frat season to boyfriend season.
In summer.. we're interested in getting all our friends together and finding a frat of guys with a somewhat equal level of attractiveness.. and number.. to hang out with.. make out with.. and spend 'sunday game night with'.. one weekend at a time. if they have a boat? bonus! a cabin? double bonus!! 6 pack? requirement. You know they're doing the same thing you have been so of course they're playin you... but its more about quantity than quality in the summer. Pretty face..? Slammin bod? They're in! They could REAK of toolness and still make the team.

In fall... we go from all this free time and sun clouding our once clear vision.. to cracking down on the school books... putting the glasses on to avoid the tools we've tolerated for the last couple months.. requiring more than a boating bod to get on our new fall roster..
We want someone we can study with.. cuddle with on rainy days.. hold hands with on campus.. and take home to mom and dad for sunday dinners. We weed out the players.. cuz during finals week who really has time to creep on the low low to find out who else your boyfriend has been dating? really? no one.
We need someone we can trust with math homework.. and our hearts.. that we know we dont have to worry about when we have to study late.. that their 'study dates' are nothing to go all black-ops for.

Because we're coming out of the critical summer season.. that I not only encouraged.. but deemed as a necessary phase for all singles to experience.. this blog is purely informational. I'm not chastising those who qualify as players.. i'm just telling you to face the music.. own up to your player status.. and change it if you want to grow up and move on with your life. If you choose to keep your player status through out the fall... you'll be like those chicks that wear booty shorts and uggs in december.. in a snow storm.... you'll look like an idiot and be completely out of season. really? no one wants that!

SO.
I've recently had chats with several of my guy friends that start out... 'ok... what do YOU think a player is?? this chick keeps telling me i'm a player! and i'm NOT!!!'
They then go on to tell me how they've dated and kissed a different girl every night this summer.. but it just 'didn't work out with any of them' so 'why should they be called a player?'

The first thing that guys.. and girls.. need to realize.. is that, like tools, there are different levels of player status.
If you ask a guy on the Utah Football team if he's a 'football player'.. whether he's 20th string QB or he starts every game... he's gonna say 'YES!!!'.. probably yell something at you like 'we must protect this house'... or grunt real loud while beating his chest.
He could technically sit the bench every.single.game. and still call himself a football player.. and would we question it? no!
Like i said.. there are different levels of players.. and all kinds make up the team.. all kinds play the game.

A girl doesn't want a guy that doesn't date ANYBODY! Practice makes professional.. and we want to date someone that knows what they're doing! Someone that's figured out what they want.. so they don't confuse us as we attempt to read their minds and figure it out!
It's hard to be with someone that's never been in a relationship.. cuz they are unaware of the common knowledge and in's and outs of what's expected of them... It's not impossible! but it makes things difficult. We look for someone that is well learned in the art of 'Prince charmingness'. However... this Prince Charmingness often times comes at a price.
I know a lot of you homies didn't realllly like that post that i claimed that nice guys with swag are often times wolves in sheep's clothing.. that they are just the BIGGER tools that have figured out the exact cologne they need to mask the tool stench they reek of. Sorry that i hit too close to home on that one.... but understand.. that if a guy is so good at what he does... we can't help but wonder if you've had WAAAAY too much practice!
We're attracted to the suaveness of a well seasoned dater... and then we get scared that they're playing us.. because lets be honest.. you can't get THAT good at it takin one chick at a time..

As much as i would love to give you an exact list to help you decipher 'whether or not you're dating a player'... we're not in high school anymore.. therefore the signs are MUCH harder to recognize.. and prove.. But i can give you some helpful tips.. both of you.

Guys...
You honestly don't understand why you've been pinned down as the player type? Are you demented?
If you are dating and kissing several girls at a time.. or even back to back to back.. then news flash... you ARE a player.
The common rebuttal to this statement is.. that you're in hot pursuit of finding something you like.. someone you want to DATE.. but you simply haven't found them yet.. and you just HAPPEN to be weeding through them at a rapid rate...
I know you think that if you're not in a relationship that you are doing nothing wrong by dating EVERYONE... and hey.. you're right.. you're NOT doing anything wrong... but you're also a player.
Like i said before.. this is informative because during the summer? its totally ok! you've had fun! you've taken out every girl that looks like a victoria secret model... hey.. you've even taken out the ugly friend.. you've kissed them all (practice makes professional) and you've been ok with it!!
But now is the time to change. Or you will go from PLAYER.. to ALLSTAR.. to.. heaven forbid... PROVO ALLSTAR.

If you're doing any version of this routine.. sorry.. but you can't escape the player status.. cuz in all reality.. you ARE a player.. you CAN however.. lessen your player position.
The level of playerness is all based on intent.
The rule is... you can pursue 1 chick at a time. I know this seems a little extreme. and you think i'm on crack. But come on... 1.girl.at.a.time!
The whole 'recreational dating thing' is so 13th grade. knock it off. its time to grow out of going on a date because you a) want a free dinner.. or if you're a guy.. b.) want to fill your dating quota for the week. dating just to date is pointless.. you're wasting their time.. your money. If you have no interest in someone.. don't take them out! save your money for someone you would want to be with! If you meet someone.. could see yourself in a potential relationship with them based on the knowledge and information you've been provided with... then take them on a date!
After the first date.. if you see it going ANYWHERE.. GIVE IT A FAIR SHOT!!! don't move on to the next bimbo coming off the assembly line just so you can get your numbers up there! If you see it working out AT ALL.. unless they give you a reason to doubt the success of a future ANYTHING with this person... pursue THAT girl before moving on to her hot best friend or older sister.

If you go on a date with this person that you were actually interested in.. and then find out that you are definitely NOT interested in associating with them after that one torturous date.. THEN move on to the next one!

Girls...
You have to understand that even if a guy WANTS to be in a relationship with someone.. he doesn't always hit the bullseye on the first shot. He HAS to take out a few girls before he finds 'the one' that he wants to make his chick. If he's gone on dates with a few chicks before you.. and kissed a few chicks before you... you can't burn him at the stake. It happens! It will ALWAYS happen..
Even if they've gone through a few chicks at a rapid rate.. if he is actively pursuing ONE AT A TIME.. then he's ok to take at face value. He may be a player by DEFINITION.. but his heart is in the right place.
If he's dating JUST to date.. then he's a moron. or he's been in pure SUMMER mode and needs a good slapping to pull him out of it.
If they're in the process of transitioning from frat season to boyfriend season.. don't judge them on their past. It was SUMMER.. DUH. Be honest with them... without throwing a DTR their way..
Tell them that.. no you're not trying to dtr them.. you aren't trying to jump into some crazy relationship.. but you only hang out and date ONE person at a time and you would appreciate getting on the same page.. if that's not what they're about.. then YOU decide if you wanna mess with playa playa..
If you are dating other people.. and they're dating other people.. then shut up. you're a player too. give the dude a break.
if they claim they're the same.. and then lie.. then duh.. dump that homie.
and if they walk away from you.. they're retarded and didn't deserve your time.

While talking to different guys that have been offended with their player status.. they claim that 'every guy must be a player!'.. and 'Duh.. then GIRLS are players too!'..
guys.. you're right. Every guy that isn't in a relationship.. and is dating and kissing several girls.. is in fact a player. don't deny it. you look like a retard.

I've said it once.. i'll say it a million times.. the success in every relationship depends on the communication skills involved in it.
If two people are kept on the same page throughout whatever phase of dating they’re in... there wont be hurt feelings.. there wont be misunderstandings.. there will simply BE.
Its when a guy tries to hide that he's dating other people.. or tells a girl JUST what she wants to hear that gets him in trouble.

Yes. some people go on ONE date.. with ONE person.. fall madly in love.. and live happily ever after...
if thats how it worked all the time.. dating wouldn't suck so bad. In EVERY case.. a guy is going to have a list of girls he's dating searching for the right chick.. and every girl will have a trail of broken hearts behind her.. whether they be others.. or her own..
Don't pass on something that could be amazing just because you've heard they're a player.. judge the situation for yourself. Hopefully they're honest with you about it.. cuz if they're not. you shouldn't be with them anyway.
Every player is tamed eventually. You could be his last first date.


until later!
xoxo
-Callymon