..How do you know..

It takes a lot to be exceptional at anything in life. Hard work, practice, perseverance, talent, they all important in the creation of excellence. To get to the top of the top.. and more importantly STAY at the top of the top, you need one extra ingredient. A gem rarer than diamonds, but just as recognizable.
If being extraordinary was easy... everyone would do it. if being famous only had to do with how bad you wanted it.. anyone could be.
There are lots of excellent basketball players that practice their guts out..but only a few that fill NBA slots.. fewer that make it on to winning teams.. and even fewer that get on teams that they want to be on. 1 out of every 20,000 college basketball players ever see the NBA court.
There are tons of singers that have incredible voices and extraordinary talent.. but only a handful that make it onto the charts.. fewer that stay there.. and even fewer that you could call actual 'stars'.
What then separates the excellent from the ridiculously incredible? What gets them through the door.. on the stage.. and under the spotlight?
What makes someone a CEO vs. a minimum wage employee?
There are only so many things in life that someone can control - and then there are instincts... Gut feelings...things people are born with.. things that no one could explain.
The term that's used in the entertainment industry is the 'IT' factor. Nobody can explain what exactly is included in 'IT'.. or how someone gets 'IT'.. but you can definitely tell when they have it - and when they don't. There are no exercises that someone can practice to better their 'IT' quality. No drugs someone can take or amount of money someone can pay to be actual 'star material'.. they either have 'IT' or they don’t. No questions. Yes, you can be successful without 'it'.. hard work obviously gets you places.. but 'it' is what separates the top.. from the royalty. The difference between a pop-star and Michael Jackson... a basketball player and Michael Jordan.. They have something special.. they have 'IT'.
As hard as 'IT' is to define.. It's just as easy to recognize. You just know.

Like the 'IT' factor in the entertainment industry.. 'true love'... or 'hubby'... would be used to explain the 'it' factor of love and romance. You just know.
As much as it would rock to be able to come up with a mathematical formula for love.. something you could practice to make perfect.. a statistic that would render true to every circumstance, love isn't something calculated at all. It rarely makes sense.. yet it makes perfect sense when its perfect. In the same way that there are no two exact human beings in existence.. the same is that with love. There are no two romances or love stories exactly alike.
Some people would use the word 'chemistry'.. but seeing as two people's chemistry is often times defined by how much they want to slay each other.. we're gonna need to use a different word.. something foreign to the world of 'chemistry' and all other sciences... our 'it' love factor of 'magic'.

If you're anything like me, you've sat down with married couples- parents, siblings, friends, everyone that's won the retarded game of love, hung their hat up, and are finally allowed to be happy - and asked them.. how they met their spouse.. and how they 'knew'. What made them decide to be with this person forever?
To this question.. 3/4 of them probably answered 'WHEN YOU KNOW.. YOU KNOW!'. At this answer, we all rolled over and barfed.. or wanted to punch them in the face for not giving us the answers to life's most important test.

If it was that easy... you just KNOW.. then wouldn't more of us just.. know?
Living in Provo, Utah... people are droppin like flies. its like the ship is goin down!! and everyone is determined to get hitched asap so they don't die alone when the band starts playing 'my heart will go on'.

In society there are rules of engagement on the road to engagement.. but when it comes down to it.. its the uniqueness of your romance that makes it yours. SO.
How many dates do you have to go on before you feel like you 'gave it a fair shot'?

I heard a man tell his 'story' in church on sunday of how on his first date with his wife they knew they were getting married.. couldn't it be the same on the other end as well? Knowing your first date that it was NOT gonna work out with the awkward human being in front of you eating his napkin.
My friend Jordan and his wife knew the second week they started dating (and i mean like.. they met.. and 2 weeks later..) that they were getting married. 3 months later.. engaged. 4 months later... married.
and then i have a friend - Britney.. that weeds through guys at such a rapid rate.. its like she's grocery shopping.. picking a peanut butter brand.. no. no. too chunky..no. maybe. no. not smooth enough.. no. no.

People are so concerned and caught up with 'knowing' that they're afraid of actually knowing... or even afraid to give what they know COULD work a chance. They're so thrown off that they KNOW too quickly.. or NO too quickly.. or not fast enough.. that they're caught in their own revolving door of trying to do the whole 'love thing' the right way.
Why do we have to 'know'... can't we just KNOW?!!

Is it better to be the person that can tell after 1 date whether something is going to work or not... or be the person who's dated someone for 5 years and still questions whether they 'know'?

Can we adopt our married friends' mentality of 'when you know you know'.. and reverse that to.. 'when you know it's no.. you know..' ..?


Many relationships have one person that will 'know'.. and the other one will 'no'. Who then is wrong? Who is right? The power lies with whoever cares less.. so because the situation caters to their agenda more.. does that make them in the right?

I have a friend that within the first hour of meeting a guy.. she knows whether or not she could marry them. Kate, this friend, will go down her check list with in the first 5 minutes...
- attractive..
- straight teeth..
- mentally competent..
and then give him a chance to wow her. If the connection is made.. he gets a second date. (or first) if the connection is not made.. she moves on.

Many people would call kate 'shallow' and say that she doesn't give guys a fair shot... that she'll most likely die alone because she writes people off too quickly.
No. i believe Kate is working in a factory of love. when something doesn't turn out right.. she doesn’t try to sell it.. she gets rid of it. She doesn't try to force a connection between her and the flavor of the week... she accepts the fact that there is either 'magic'.. or its a strictly muggle relationship.

Some people have the rule that 'everyone deserves at least one date'... as much as i think you need to get to know people.. i think this rule is poppycock. If you know for a fact that you are not interested in this human being... why lead them on for even one date? no. you 'no'.

On the other hand.. you hear about people that write people off completely... ending with closure and all... and then they end up marrying them...? Love is confusing.. and complicated. - even more so when you try and 'figure it out'.

In many cases... the chick in the relationship will 'know' before the guy..
this is cuz guys are slow and they have no clue what they want. They usually, however, come around eventually..
for example:
My friend Rachel started hanging out and dating this boy Brantly.. He was a stud.. and she was into him. It started out suuuper casual.. they were very unofficial and didn't even tell each other that they liked each other.
The longer they hung out.. the more apparent it became that it was going somewhere. Rachel - being a girl.. was afraid to bring up the DTR (define the relationship). And Brantly.. being a dude.. was scared to DEATH of the DTR.. so naturally... they avoided it at all costs. They knew things were right... they knew they were in love.. but.. things had happened too fast to be going by the rule book.. so. of course.. they stayed on the path most traveled.. and tried to slow things down.
The longer they went without reassuring their affection for each other.. the more insecure the both of them became. FINALLY.. cuz rachel is a BA.. she got fed up with the games of 'so.. my friend tried to set me up with this chick.. would you be mad if i went..?'.. 'i got asked out again... i said no.. but would you be mad if i had said yes..?'.... so she went into her frank conversation bag and pulled out the DTR within.
She told Brantly that she liked him.. she wanted to be with him.. but if they were going to continue on this retarded road of dance around each other and be retarded about their feelings then she was gonna need to move on.
Brantly.. content with the fact that he had gained the upper hand.. let her sweat it out.. cuz he's a douche. He told her he was still unsure if he wanted to have a serious girlfriend.. but he for sure still wanted to keep dating her.. so he would let her know.
At this.. Rachel had already decided that it COULD work out with Brantly.. if he wasn't such a douche.. but it didn't have to.. clearly.
Rachel 'knew'.. and Brantly didn’t. so.. naturally she started pulling away and dating other people... she started pulling the 'fade out'.. when all the sudden... dun dun dun..ok wait. not all the SUDDEN.. like.. 2 months later..? Brantly pulled his head out of his bum and realized that... DUH. he was being a friggin retard.
As soon as he realized that he was losing/had lost the best thing that had ever happened to him.. he forgot about his provo all-star upper hand.. and gave into the fact that hey... relationships and love isn't for the bees.. and even though things had happened fast in his book with rachel... if it was right... he should let it be right!
He went back to Rachel... apologized for taking so long. and finally got into the relationship he SHOULD'VE been in all along.
2 months later... they were engaged. and so the story continues of people abandoning ship hand in hand.


Last.. but certainly not least.. is the story of my friend Beth.
Beth and Charlie.. had dated in high school.. they had dated in jr. high.. and now.. they were filling each other's grown up dating cards.
Because they had so much history.. they fell into comfortable patterns easily. They loved each other.. they knew that. But all the sudden.. they were in search of something more.
being 24 and 25.. they knew they were at the age where they should be looking for someone to marry.. and up until this burden had been put on their shoulders.. they had very much liked the idea of spending forever together.. it was magical.. it was easy.. it was love.
The more time they spent with each other...the more and more people would pull out the ol dating rule book and tell them how their story should be progressing. that 'after this amount of time... shouldn't you be engaged... after this amount of time.. shouldn't you know this.. and this.. and blah blah blah..?'
Because A. this scared the living day lights out of both of them.. and B. they both weren't ready to get married..and both unwilling to recognize that.. they decided mutually that it must just not be 'right' with them.
That by NOW.. they should 'know'.. and if they didn't feel ready to make that jump... they must 'no'.
So. they broke up. They went separate ways.. deTERMINED that they WERE in the mind set of marriage.. and it was only a matter of finding the right person!
They both started dating other people... Beth jumped into a relationship with a fantastic guy named Seth.. and Charlie jumped every female he could find..
Both were unhappy.. but both kept trucking along.
After a couple months of distance... history brought them back together. 2 days after Beth had dumped mr. fantastic.. and Charlie had made his 29th booty call of the week.. they both went to a BBQ of an old high school friend.
Just being together got to both of them.. and they decided that even though they 'knew' it wasn't right.. they could still hang out as friends.
Every time they hung out.. the comfortability... the easiness... the 40 year old married couple routine and bickering and everything.. it would all come back. Everything about them together was perfect.. but because they had decided that they had 'no-wn' they ignored the perfection.. and even talked about if they could only find what they had in other people.. their lives would be complete.
SO.. because they were complete idiots.. they continued to ignore the silver platter romance they had in front of them... and continued looking for beth and charlie replacements.
They had written each other off... it wasn't 'right'... they 'knew'.. they had closure to the matter... until... dun dun dun...
At the death of Beth's great-grandma.. Beth went straight to charlie for a good strong.. comfortable.. shoulder to cry on. After a few hours and cycles of talking.. crying.. and settling down.. Beth went to leave Charlie's house.. as she hugged him goodbye... he turned to her and said.. 'k.. well. i love you.' and then stopped. realized he meant it with every fiber of his being... and said it again. 'i love you beth.'.. she froze. realized she loved him back.. the way she had always wanted to.. or always had but recently had been ignoring.. and said it back.. 'i love you too charlie.'...
insert most firework inducing.. movie star epic.. best most incredible kiss ever. BAM.
They never spent a day apart after that.
2 months later.. to their parents delight.. they were engaged.. 4 months after that.. they were married... and now.. a year later.. THEY'RE HAVIN A BABY!!
The second they realized that they KNEW before they ever had to 'know'.. they let all the rules in the dumb books.. and people telling them how their romance should be playing out.. go. As soon as they let go of the fact that they knew.. they didn't need to 'know'. they didn't need to worry about how fast or slow or unorthodox their romance had been.. even though to the outside world it was a perfect fairy tale... they just needed to have a serious wake up call.


True love is like magic.. not like science.. Every story is different. And to everyone jumping ship... this is a scary concept. Nobody is there to tell you what rules to follow.. and how to formulate perfect love. There are no ways to create the 'it' factor.. you have it or you don't. Don't be so concerned with 'knowing' and 'no-ing' that you fail to recognize greatness in front of you. Go with your gut.. recognize right-ness.. and wrong-ness.. recognize the 'it factor' that's so unique.. and irreplaceable in your life.
Stop and take a second to breathe. The ship isn't going down!
Now. Realize that you DO have something to lose. Brantly with rachel... charlie and beth with each other..
If you have... or are losing.. something great... grab a life jacket.. and JUMP. Whether your jump is marriage.. finally having that DTR.. or dropping the L bomb...
There's questioning.. there's uncertainty.. and there's insanity and just being stupid.. Don't worry so much about 'knowing' and just KNOW.

Cuz when you know you know.. right?

Until later..
xoxo
-Callymon