. Spring Cleaning .

April showers bring may flowers. another season gone
april snow brings.. i dont know.. i hope it wont stay long
the circle of the seasons come round and round again
even snow cant stop the spring time.. yes winter's bound to end.
Spring cleaning becomes much needed.. to make space for new junk
for sunshine we have pleaded.. to end our cloudy funk.
so out with the old and in with the new.. not as easy as expected
for how do you throw out keep sakes.. for years you have protected
your closets almost bursting with last years styles you wore
but now that you dont wear them.. you long to keep them more
the memory in those sequins.. the boy who gave that shirt
their value becomes pricey.. more than money's ever worth

your heart is like your closet.. full of love and memories too
throw out or keep in storage.. unsure of what to do
for love has been recycled.. come in style later on
but keeping every kiss there.. makes future ones seem wrong

why not keep that old voicemail.. the message could be true
that may be the last time you hear his voice say 'i love you'
those texts should be deleted.. so you dont read every night
and wonder what he's doing.. if he's happy with his life

but how can you let go of memories not so in the past?
and turn around to see another.. hoping this one lasts
how can you forget the song or place you drive by still
hoping you can erase him.. knowing that you never will

You came to clean your heart out.. but filled your eyes instead
with tears and perfect memories that now dance in your head
your broom has not yet swept.. your cloth lays damp untouched
for you sit on the floor.. cuz standing was too much

don't lock this room of heartache.. just organize and shift
to welcome all the new love .. in your heart that still can fit
move old times to the side.. take a deep breath and you'll find
that inspectors of this cleaning.. of your heart will be kind

Spring cleaning will be done now.. cuz even with the snow
the heart ache that you're feeling.. its time to let it go
put away the pair of sweat pants.. delete the texts tonight
turn off that song you danced to.. and know you'll be alright


alright alright. i write songs for a living.. its what i do.. i like to rhyme..
anyywho.
Spring cleaning is necessary. - i dont really have to go through this whole beginning right? you read it in the poem.
k.. i'll cut to the meat and potatoes..

Some people are burners..
when they get out of a relationship.. they take everything the person has ever given them.. write their name on several pieces of paper.. and set it on FIRE!
sounds like a good time of roasting marshmallows with friends and quite the therapy session in one..

Some people are the give back-ers..
they write a dramatic note.. make a cd of either all the love songs of their relationship.. or songs like 'dont want you back'.. 'you're not sorry'.. 'before he cheats'.. take everything that mr. toolbox cheater has ever given them.. puts it all on his door step.. eggs his car... rings the doorbell.. and DRIIIVES.
once again.. therapy.. good time with friends.. not much anonymity when you sign the note 'NEVER CALL ME AGAIN OR MY DAD WILL KILL YOU YOU LYING SACK OF DOG MEAT!' but hey.. we all have our methods..

Some are the sulkers.. They write depressing facebook status' and call all their ex's friends.. hoping they'll find out.. or hear..or see their wounds posted in profile pics of them sobbing holding pictures of them..
These are the ones that build 'BREAK UP SHRINES'..
they don't get out of the ex's clothing for a week.. they put every picture ever taken of the two of them around their room.. make a break up playlist.. lights candles.. and rehearses the speech they'll give when their ex boyfriend comes CRAWLING back to them.. over.. and over.. and over..

You have the pack-rats.. whom i mentioned in the poem briefly..
that keep every message.. every text.. every note.. every EVERYTHING.
so afraid to erase any of it cuz either.. when erased it means they really are gone.. or it may still be true.. or what if its the last time i ever hear them say anything like that..?


There are some unhealthy methods.. obviously.. although the burners would be fun to party with!
But for the most part.. we all have a sulker in us..beeeecause we're human.. whether its on facebook or just behind closed doors.. (hopefully minus the full-on break up shrine..yikes)but we sleep in their shirts and pretend our room mates don't notice.. or have a break up playlist on our ipods we listen to on our long drives and pretend we don't see the big guy next to us.. that's watching us belt out 'Its all coming back to me' while sobbing on the freeway..
and we all have a pack rat in us too..
we all have the message that always gets overlooked when cleaning our vmail box out.. the picture that mysteriously stays up that you pretend you must have missed taking down.. the sweatshirt that never QUITE makes it into that box of stuff in your closet you never wear..
or the ichat conversation that stays up on your computer that you're afraid to look at because you know you're not ready for that yet.. but when it accidently gets deleted you cry.

The things you cant escape of past relationships that will forever haunt you because you let them.
And even if you are tougher than the rest of us and return all their stuff.. and throw out every. last. piece. of them in your life.. how to you clear out the memories? how do you POSSIBLY stop yourself from getting 3 1/2 full minutes of chills when you hear that one song.. or those 5 songs..

If these things still happen is it because you're not over that person or because you're memory is so blasted good.. dang you memory.. that you'll just never forget any of it!
and if you're NOT over them.. is there a reason? should you not be? is this you're own insane hope of rekindlement? or just your heart in a healing process?
is it one of those 'everything happens for a reason' moments when you want to call them SO bad.. that you're supposed to? are you screwing with fate if you don't? or screwing with it if you DO? are you insane just because you WANT to!?

If you're happier without someone.. why does the thought of being with them still make you think you'd now be happier with them? Have you really changed that much that all the sudden you think things would work out? ARE YOU INSANE?!


My friend Sally had a boyfriend of a year and a half named Chris. They were to the point where it was give or let go.. where they had to either move forward or break it off completely..
when they were breaking up (cuz he was a complete retard and couldn't see that she was the best thing that ever happened to him at the time) he told her that 'Sal.. i KNOW you love me.. babe i KNOW how in love with me you are.. but i would be lying if i felt the same' AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF! what a tool box.
Just this line alone lets you know the character of good ol' Chris right? i know all yall are on MY team.. the anti-chris.. team any-thing-but-chris.
BUT love is blind.. and sally couldn't see his retardedness.. that he so willingly displayed in front of her.
As time went on after the break up.. of COURSE chris realized the HUUUGE mistake that he made by ever letting sally walk even a foot away from him and he came back.. time and time again..
Now.. as soon as they broke up.. me and the rest of sally's little crew.. basically put her in shock therapy sessions to GRILL into her brain and make her see how bad Chris was for her.. but with chris opposing our every action.. it was a longer process than we intended.
Finally when chris moved across the country she seemed to get over him.
It's been a year and a half since Sally has seen Chris.. Sally has a boyfriend that she loves..

Chris called her yesterday. imma kill him.
Of course the thought process began in her head.. now that she's without him.. would she be better with him? is this fate bringing him back into her life??
NO SALLY.. its a plane ticket and a desperate set of phone dialing fingers. It's a tool box's ego that can't shake the fact that you're done with him!! DON'T DO IT! DON'T EVEN ANSWER!!

The problem with ex's like chris are they know JUST what to say to get a call back... JUST what to say to hit a fast ball in to a soft spot to crack open amazing yet fragile girls like Sally...
Chris. you stay the freak away from her.. or i slap a hoe.. AND the chick you cheated on her with.

All the voice-mails we had to break into her phone and delete.. all the text messages she read every night and cried for WEEKS when we deleted... you're undoing ALL of that.. for what? you're selfish pride that was hurt by her walking away?
If you don't want to be with her.. let her be with someone ELSE! she loves her gosh dang boyfriend! move on and move out!


Boys... and girls i guess..
if you get out of a relationship anything like Sally and Chris's.. or any relationship at all for that matter..
do yourself both a favor.. if you have no intention of going back into their lives.. try not to appear in them while their wounds are healing..
if you have no intention of righting your wrongs.. chances are they STILL have a voice mail or two of YOUR voice they try every DAY to delete.. you just 'dropping in' will do no good.. it will put the blood of a soul on your hands as you continue to re-break it.

and if your intentions are just to make sure they still hang on no matter what your agenda... SCREW YOU.

I do believe that there are people out there that deserve second chances.. i know for a fact that most relationships are recycled and its for the better! timing is everything.

My friend Emma.. who i talked about in an earlier blog.. the 1-emma scale? Her and her husband dated on and off since 7th grade.. thought they called it quits for good.. she almost got married to someone else.. he almost got married to someone else.. then one day they met up and thought that this might be the first time they are actually capable of JUST friendship... they kissed. they got married.
recycled. rekindled. healthy. totally great! hey.. i'm a romantic! i believe in happily ever after.. ALLLL THE WAY!

But tonight? i'm calling out the people that know their making someone else's life worse. and enjoying it. the ones that play games because they don't know what they want.

if you know me.. you know i dont wait around forever. but there are girls like sally that would and that do. Let them go. everyone deserves to be happy! and if you're keeping someone else from it.. shame on you.
I wont watch Chris weasel his way back in to Sally's life. and i'll forever build her up so that she can fortify herself against him.
love is strong.. building walls to keep detrimental kinds out is the hardest thing you will ever have to do!


i should probably end with answering the spring cleaning question...
to delete or not delete? erase or not erase? move out or move aside?

Honestly.. it's up to you..
if you can keep a part of your heart for each person you love.. i've said before you CAN just always love certain people... then i hope you never run out of room! and i hope you make a lovely scrapbook and not 29 creepy shrines..

if it's better for you to let it go.. sweep it out and move on.. even though its hard.. you have others around to catch you every time you fall.

as far as voicemails.. emails.. texts... the only answer there is is delete them.. when is a matter of when you're ready.. but a voice mail.. no matter what it says.. will never fill a righteous purpose. it will only keep your heart from fully healing.. a text message re-read will not bring the contents back to life. Certain things you will have to let go of.. even if you need to slowly so you don't hyperventilate. No one pushes you. You are allowed to go at your own pace.. but walking and standing still aren't the same thing.. and if you're not moving forward.. the world will move around you and you will begin to move backwards.

Pray for sunshine. Pray for happy days. and pray that hearts will heal with the sunshine!

Until tomorrow
xoxo
-Callymon