Love is a very interesting thing.
We often times walk through fire to gain scars that we can later reflect on for strength.. Our battle scars.
We say things we don't mean and don't say things we wish we would've in times of pain.. and being unable to predict the outcome of any situation, or the thoughts of another.. many times we choose wrong paths, take wrong turns, and find ourselves searching for heros and lighthouses to lead us back to ourselves.
We choose professions and dreams as barely grown children to change them again and again.. as we grow into ourselves and our own purposes.
We love people.. we hurt people.. and in turn suffer the same consequences of the cycle of love.
We try and control the speed of our existence when one thing remains universally constant and consistent: Time.
Just because we sit down on an escalator doesn't mean it stops moving. Just because we don't want to grow up doesn't mean we won't continue to grow old. I read a quote somewhere that said if we did everything that people say will make us live longer... and avoided the things which could potentially shorten our lives a few years... if we walk on egg shells and avoid all danger signs... we wont be living the years that we've been trying to preserve. Ya, maybe we'll live to be 112... lying in a bed... with a blank storybook of a life. We'll have nothing to pass on to our next generations, looking to learn from our mistakes and repeat our adventures.
I believe if we don't learn from the bad in our lives and the lives of those around us.. that we're doing just that.. we're sitting down on our escalator.. we're forfeiting our playing jersey for this tricky game of life and love.
It is said that when an elderly person dies, an entire library burns to the ground. That the life and experiences they've collected, the wisdom they've gained, and the love they shared and felt, will never again have an exact match. Each a unique snowflake of a person, melting one by one, forfeiting their unique design to the life after.
Molly Aggleby is no exception.
Now before i get shot, let me clear something up.... Molly hasn't left us yet, nor does she plan to until she's ready. But the wisdom of this woman, and the stories that lie in the wrinkles of her heart are too precious to let burn to the ground in any future.
Molly lives next door to my grandma and has become an avid reader of 'The Blog You Wish Your Boyfriend Read'.. and along with the stories of the broken hearted.. Molly rang me up to share her library of love with the readers that humor her favorite 21 year old. She wanted her drama, heart break, and happy ending documented before she could no longer remember the stories that turned her hair grey one by one and made her the woman she is today.
Molly put her good faith in me and made me swear over her freshly brewed lemonade and cookies in her plush living room full of memories that i would get this right.
"There's always a calm before a storm.. and always a sigh after one.." she began. "You think you're at the end of your wits and at the full capacity of emotion.. and then burdens are lifted, and sanity appears.."
You see, life's a tricky thing. It tries to see what we're made of at all times, testing us and pushing us to go farther and farther until it sees that we're close to breaking. Then, and only then, at the lowest of lows does it usher in our saviors. Then does life let us taste the good that we've waited through the bad for.
They say that when you live your life the way it was meant to be lived, that you should have no regrets looking back.. Well. in each of Molly's scars she held a regret. Not something she would necessarily change now.. but things that have plagued her mind and heart for years on end. Forgive the brevity of the stories, for she had many..
Molly had a boy at one time in her life, Martin, that she would've given the world to if she could've... she loved and bled for Martin until it almost drove her clinically mad.
Martin was Molly's first love. Her first regret. And her first lesson for my readers.
Even at her ripe age of 83 you can tell that Molly was a grade A dime in her day. She had many boys coming after her heart, but her eyes never saw anyone else. Martin promised her forever.
After giving her heart to Martin for 6 months she decided that she LOVE loved him more than in the way that other 16 year olds loved their boyfriends. Martin went away one weekend, and when he returned she planned on telling him. On his return, Martin confessed that he had cheated on her with her best friend and that they were in love.
Molly then got the first taste of real darkness that she had ever had. At the time she regretted not opening her eyes to the possibility of reality around her while she was lost in her love trance, and had held on to that grudge and hardship through her next relationship. She later.. much later.. realized that this was all a blessing in disguise. When Martin and her ex-best friend got married and divorced, Martin remarrying 3 times, she giggled at her sweet karma and wished him well.
Her lesson for me.. for us.. is that.. things happen.. that are supposed to happen. At the time, they seem like the end of the world as you know it. But someday, you'll look back and giggle with relief that you dodged bullets and got healthy scars to prove you fought hard for your happy ending.
Her second love brought a very different lesson, and a very different regret.
She knew she loved John the second date they went on. Through their deep conversations it became very apparent that saying 'i love you' was just about the biggest deal in the world to John. That he planned on saying it to very few girls in his life. Through out their relationship of a year, John was very back and forth with his feelings. Molly was as patient as she could be and let him run his course. Around 5 months into it, when she felt like she would be lying if she didn't tell him exactly how she felt, she went to him, and told him that she loved him. He said it back hesitantly and she knew he didn't mean it. She immediately asked him to take it back and told him to forget it.. that their love would eventually grow and she was just lost in the moment when she babbled out her forbidden words.
At 8 months they ended their back and forth and decided that they should be friends, because in love they had given it enough time and it didn't feel right.
At 11 months, Molly was facing a serious emotional crisis and went to the aid of her best friend John. While he comforted her through it, and discussed her right out of her misery, she was happy to be with him. As she turned to leave her friend he said, "Ok, well, i love you".
In a family where you didn't walk out the front door, hang up the telephone, or finish a letter without those ritualistic 3 words, she was sure that it had to be a mistake out of habit. that it had just slipped out. His family was the same as hers, he must be dreading saying it and embarrassed. So she ignored it and game him a hug.
"I love you a lot you know" he said again.
Half lost in confusion, and half trying to quickly melt the hard shell she had built around her heart from her first rejection, she convinced herself that again, he meant it as a friend.
She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to be the fool. so she waited.
"I hope you know how much i care about you molly, i know i don't show it as often as i should.." he said with desperate hope.. or pain?.. in his eyes.
"no, i know.. lo-love you too John" she said with a half hearted hug as she scurried off, not sure of what to think.
Left in this stupor, unaware of his intentions of this reckless confession.. she brushed it aside. Positive that it was an accident that he was too embarrassed to correct.
They didn't talk for several weeks, and he started dating another girl. A few months later, they were engaged.
The one mistake that Molly made in their entire relationship, would forever haunt her memory and her conscience. She loved him back, he had to of known that she loved him back, yet, in a moment that she was engulfed in her own fear of previous rejection, still holding on to pain she hadn't forgiven, she lost the man she loved.
Her lesson to us all.. was that love is nothing to be tampered with. At any time.. in any moment or fraction of a second, someone could change their mind and their heart. There are no accidents when it comes to emotion and instinct, and any time you feel them and leave them unspoken you're depriving yourself of possibilities. The fear of rejection and the pain we all hold so dear in our hearts, that we're determined to never let go of, are molehills that keep us from mountains. Never live a day that holds the possibility of creating a ghost that will forever haunt your mind, especially when it comes to love.
For if they do not love you back, you will surely get over it. But if you are ever left wondering- you never will. You owe it to yourself to always love as deeply as your heart desires you to.
Only then, when Molly was mourning her lost sanity, in the fetal position of love, did she find what she was looking for. Only then did life explain her fate to her..
For then she met George.
As this blog comes to a close Molly leaves us with a final lesson... That when it comes to love, we should leave no regrets, and never give in to our own heart ache and fears. That we should truly believe in the fairy tale happy ending and be willing to snatch up a pen and write it ourselves. Molly and George were married 54 years before he left her. And he gave her enough love and memories in those 54 years to last her until the end of her days. George came when she thought she would most likely die alone. That there was no one in the world that she would love more than Martin.. and more than John. George came and swept her off her feet when she had given up on love, and he made her realize that her scars made her compassionate. Her open eyes gave her understanding when people make mistakes that nobody is perfect. Nobody is exempt from reality. Her John gave her the wisdom to never let a day pass that she didn't express the love she felt for those around her. And her George picked up all her pieces and made them into a wonderful masterpiece.
The passing of time is inevitable. However your life is yours for the writing. Don't waste one page, fill each of them with adventures and heart ache. Get as many scars as you can so that when you find your George or Molly, they'll know that you fought hard for them.
Until later..
xoxo
- Callymon
February 29, 2012
February 15, 2012
Roses are red.. Bruises are blue..
Roses are red... bruises are blue... I'm glad it's over.. just like all of you.
After watching the movie 'Crazy Stupid Love'.. I became obsessed with the idea of having a “move”.. a finale.. a cherry on top in a final attempt to make someone fall in love with you.
** JUST so we're clear.. these things are for people looking to seal the deal... if you're not to that point yet.. if you haven't already been dating someone... you probably shouldn't try these.. you'll just look like a creepy stalker.
Congratulations...We made it through yet another year of flowers and candy..awkward encounters with creepy strangers lookin for love.. a 2 hour wait at every restaurant.. and every copy of the notebook off the shelves.. out of the red-box kiosks.. and in every single girls' dvd player.
All the single girls can now start planning their strategy for getting a boyfriend in the next 364 days.. crossing off this year's plan as yet another failed attempt.
All the single guys can now make eye contact with girls again... turn their phones back on... and stop pretending they have a life threatening disease.
Let's face it.. it doesn't matter if you go to love-bashing parties... on BFD's (best friend dates).. girls movie nights drooling over Channing Tatum.. or anything and everything else to try and get your mind off of this day... it's still gonna SUCK if you're single.
Valentines day is a single guy's NIGHTMARE! Unless they're pretty dang sure of the status of whatever is going on in their lives.. they're probably hiding in a hole JUST as deep as the single girls are.. both dateless.. both hating everything in any shade of red.. pink... swirly or heartsy.
The exception to this Where’s Waldo mentality is the classic hopeless romantic looking to further his relationship quest. If you're one of these hopeless romantic types... you can give a HUGE thank you to society for giving you an entire day that you don't have to explain any over the top cheesy behavior or ridiculous displays of affection. On this day you don't have to "play it cool".. you can take your beginning stage relationship and act as boldly as you dare! To all of you that just dropped MAD cash on roses.. and chocolate.. and stuffed animals.. and limos.. and violin players... on girls you just met..Woo! More power to you.
If you're in the stage of a relationship where it's still pretty casual.. it could go either way.. to the alter or down the toilet.. and you come upon February 13th.. all the sudden it goes from ...'we'll see how this goes.. we're just hangin out...' to.. 'I DONT KNOW WHAT SHE'S THINKING.. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING!! if i do something for Valentines day.. she'll think I'm in love with her!!! and we don't want that..yet... but if i do NOTHING.. what if she thinks i don't like her at ALL!?!.. i should probably just not talk to her from feb 12 to mayyyybe like late afternoon on the 15th to play it safe.. ya.. we'll go with.. phone off... no contact... and then pretend like it never happened... SOLID! break on three... ready.. BREAK!"
Love is like money... it's AWESOME for those with a never ending supply... and it SUCKS for those that go without.
So while the people in love give a big shout out to the candy and flower industry.. loving themselves even more for picking a winner that stayed by their side regardless of this treacherous day of cheesy facebook posts...
While the single people plan out their gym time tomorrow to compensate for the emotional chocolate binge they're now seriously regretting...
I'd like to give my own shout out to the creators of this holiday for giving 'The Blog You Wish Your Boyfriend Read' a reason to blog about nothing in particular.. other than love itself. It will be more random than other posts... but bear with me. Thank you Valentines day.
These are the Day-After Valentines Day cards that i'm sending to all of you...
To: On the Fencers..
Women have a code. We have a language. We never say what we mean. We might as well be speaking friggin chinese.. because men will never understand us. We're given a book at our 'secret meeting' in the 5th grade that explains how we're meant to run the world but will choose to take a passenger seat in many instances so that people don't catch on to our genius ways and manipulative skills.
We constantly wait for our clueless boyfriends to read between the lines.. get the picture.. get the billboard size hints.. pull their heads out of their butts and 'care' like we want them to.
Girls... i have news for you that could rock your world.
They're a lot more ignorant than we think. They don’t analyze every word they say before they send it wondering how you’re gonna take it. Sometimes they say things that they don’t mean.. they occasionally stumble across things that we take as super offensive.. ON ACCIDENT. Sometimes you just need to take what they say with a grain of salt... take a text exactly as they wrote it. Leave all possible double meanings out of your mind.. stop stressing over his poor grammar.. and leave the decoding to the CIA! Most of the time they don’t mean to make you pull your hair out! They are completely unaware of the fact that you spaced out the time between text messages perfectly.. that you’ve come up with a scientific formula for the perfect balance.. the middle ground somewhere between needy.. cute.. and desperate.
They don’t know!!
Their life's work and goals are to 'figure us out'... what the crap is there to figure out?!
flowers + chocolate + 'you're beautiful' + 'i love you' = happiness. duuh.
Guys.. I’m here for you.
In one of my favorite movies of all time.. The Swan Princess.. we reveal a liiiittle bit of this male ignorance..
Derek and Odette grew up together from infancy.. Their parents planned on them getting married and were just WAITING for them to fall in love. When sparks finally flew.. Derek asked Odette to marry him. Being a chick.. she wanted to know why he loved her. In reply to her request.. obviously being the hopeless romantic that he is.. he looked into her eyes and said.. "you're all i've ever wanted... you're beautiful!" In regards to him professing his love...... for her face....... she said "thank you! but what else...?" Being a DUDE. he replies..."what else.. is there?"
Really derek?..? His lovely trusted best friend hits the nail on the head when he tells him... "you should write a book... how to offend women in 5 syllables or less."
Guys have a guy code... that goes something like this..
Don’t scam on your homeboy's chick.. but it happens.
Butt slap in sports game = encouraging..
Butt slap outside of sports game = you're gonna get laid out in about 5 seconds..
Same with holding hands.. during a football kickoff.. its promoting team unity.. anywhere else.. you better WATCH yourself.
and.. if you ever get a girl to crack the girl code.. to explain this crazy phenomenon of 'women-hood' .. you obviously make copies.. and share with the rest of them..
well guys.. helllooooo... its posted on the internet for all y'all to see. you can thank me later.
Trust me. we WANT you to figure us out! we don't WANT the secret to our happiness to be a secret!! we just want to be happy!!
You have to realize that.. 21st century or not... you guys are the playmakers of the relationship. As much as i absolutely do NOT want to feed into your male egos.. there's only soooo much a chick can do.. even if she's forward.. before she's left sitting at home waiting for you to call.
I know i've blogged before about being completely honest with your feelings.. being BOLD and doing something about your current single predicament... i know all of you roll your eyes and claim you're exactly as single as you want to be.. but hellooo.. guys.. Valentines day is over.. we can continue being honest with ourselves now.... EVERYTHING in the world is better when you're in love. so.
There comes a time... when a girl.. or guy for that matter... is completely unsure of the intentions of the other person. At this time.. they are looking for ANY sign that this current relationship thing will move forward, before resorting to putting up a big friend-zone wall in fear of being wrong.
Nobody wants to be the one that cares more.. assumes.. and looks like a fool.
Do i think that once a guy gives the go ahead, that a girl has to reciprocate this affection? ABSO-freakin-LUTELY! But i'm sorry to say.. again... guys.. no pressure.. but you have the control. You're in the drivers seat here... MAKE SOME FRIGGIN MAGIC HAPPEN so you don't have to spend another Feb. 14th playing halo.. naming body parts and comparing things you can't control.
Nobody can read minds in a relationship, yet everybody tries to. Let's make this a little easier folks.. narrate what's going on inside your head... at least a little bit. If you don't, you will remain on the fence.. in that in-between stage, until the other person can't take the uncertainty.. and they move on.
Be BOLD..
Love,
trying to use telepathy to make my phone ring... isn't working out so much.
To: Those of you looking to seal the deal....
In the movie.. the lovely Ryan Gosling is asked by the hilarious Emma Stone what his big GRAND move was to 'seal the deal'.. whether her definition is the same as mine.. is irrelevant. Our callymon definition today is the thing that moves a relationship from.. "I have no idea if we're dating other people".. to.. "i love this person. wow. ok. cool. lets DO THIS!"
When it comes to picking a BIG GRAND MOVE.. you obviously need to play to your strengths...
If you're not such a good kisser.. and your move.. is to kiss them..? Bad friggin idea. pick something else.
If you're an excellent cook.. and you choose to make them dinner... bingo! You understand. Have a cookie.
In the movie... his move is to do the dirty dancing lift. He proceeds to lift the chick above his head.. throw her.. and catch her all slowly.. breaking down any doubt she had in her mind. (although i can't imagine much initial doubt... he's ryan gosling.. duh.) I wouldn't exactly recommend this move.. unless you look like Thor... cuz if you drop the chick from lack of practice.. or lack of biceps.. (no judgement here).. it might make your relationship wander south a little bit... i mean as much as dropping someone on their head says.. 'ok now LOVE ME!'... you may want to make them brownies.
If you have a grand move.. that's great. If NOT... there are little moves that can definitely push you in that "love me" direction.
** JUST so we're clear.. these things are for people looking to seal the deal... if you're not to that point yet.. if you haven't already been dating someone... you probably shouldn't try these.. you'll just look like a creepy stalker.
An example of a smaller - yet still effective move - is strategic texting. If you text them AT LEAST in the morning and before you go to bed.. they know you're thinking about them when you wake up.. and before you go to sleep. Plus.. any girl that gets a 'good morning beautiful' text.. will melt like butter on a hot roll.. and be eating out of the palm of your hand.
Basically when it comes to sealing the deal... girls notice everything. So subtle things that show them how much you care about them.. are very much appreciated.. and can go a long way!
Give them something to journal about.. and you can go right ahead and add a #winning hash-tag on your love life.
Love,
A back-hug and holding their hand in public goes a lot further in the love-book than you think
To: The skeptics.
People have this theory... that when things happen slowly in life .. that they work out better. That if they JUST take their time and purposely slow things down.. there will be a much better outcome than if they let things take their natural course.
I am one of these people. Or at least i used to be.
With all the relationships around me down here in Utah County... there are 2 mentalities... you can't possibly be in love with someone until you've dated them for 6 months.. then dropping the L bomb is in the natural vicinity of where it should be... OR... 3 dates..? I LOVE YOU!!!!!
While thinking to myself.. wow.
that's it.. wow.
I have decided to further study this subject and work it all out in my mind.
What i came up with will be an ENTIRE post in itself..
but to sum it up in this lovely Valentine..
As things happen... LET THEM HAPPEN!! However fast or slow things happen... don't let opportunities pass just because something is going faster or slower than you anticipated! Go with the flow! Let your heart feel exactly what it wants to!! Have a little faith! and everything will be just fine!
Whether you fall in love in 2 weeks... or 2 months.. or 24 hours... act on what you feel. You could miss out on something great if you dont!
Love,
Love is the best kind of air freshener.
Another year has come and gone and all we have to show...
is yet another holiday we missed the mistletoe..
a band-aid for the broken hearts is what i'm here to give
as callymon attempts to change the single lives we live
the holiday of getting fat on chocolate covered tears
and adding one more lonely night to all the previous years..
This day we'll put behind us as the last and final bow
to go find what we're missing.. like rachel in 'the vow'.
Good day my fellow stalkers.. goodnight my distant friends
i hope you've laughed through broken hearts as this blogs at an end.
Live. laugh. love. and smile :) today is a new day. thank goodness.
Before i sign off... in the spirit of Valentines day.. i'll leave all you love birds on a happy note with my favorite love song i've ever written... (it's a few years old so don't judge it.. ) it's called 'I Found You'..
Enjoy!
Until later..
xoxo
-Callymon
Ps.. the 1 year anniversary post of Callymon.blogspot is coming soon! woo! thanx for reading!
February 2, 2012
Red light.. Green light
It's a friday night. You're driving to get Del taco after that date that you didn't eat anything on cuz either.. you're 'one of those chicks' or the head of lettuce and 1/4 lb of cow stuck in your date's teeth literally made you queezy past the point of anorexia. You pull up to a stop sign at the same time as another car.. you both play the stop and go stop and go game.. waving at each other for both of you to go ahead.. cursing their idiot driving under your breath.. wondering if they ever went to drivers ed, when both of you just stop. sharing that awkward moment that everyone's had.. until you finally decide it's your right of way and you proceed... looking in your rearview just as the moron turning left finally pulls out and executes his task. As you shake your head thinking about the guy driving like your Uncle Ned.. You pull up to a round about.. and wake up in a hospital... taco-less.. wondering where that car came from.. wondering if you're ever going to see the car you've had since you were 16 again. Realizing that you didn't yield to the signs in front of you.. thinking you were invincible and your decision was the right one.. all the time wishing that you could go back and look like the safe idiot at the stop sign.
In life, we're given signs and sets of instructions that if followed, will help us get safely from birth to death.. from one end of our lives to the other.. (hopefully pushing death back one day at a time).
"Do not iron clothes on body"
"do NOT blow dry hair in bathtub"
"do not spray windex in eyes"
all of which make me slightly lose hope in humanity. They should write a book called "LIVING for idiots" where they could include all of these complicated instructions.
We subconsciously become slaves to the obvious logic attached to the simple signs of our everyday... assuming that others will do the same to keep the world from starting on fire. We learn that when we come to a big red octagon in the street... we're supposed to stop. That at a yellow light.. we punch it. We yield at cross walks and round- abouts. We follow the yellow brick road if we want to get to OZ.
If you misread a sign and fail to act... you look like the idiot that's just chillin in the turn lane while the green arrow time ticks slowly by. You become that moron that wouldn't follow through at the stop sign while everyone sits there awkwardly waiting for someone to make a move.
If you misread or disregard a sign and move too quickly.. you can end up in the hospital.. get nailed from the side while you run a red light.. get a mean ticket for running a stop sign.. or end up somewhere you never intended on going.
With all of these obvious instructions given to us that you're now shaking your head at, you'd think that there would be a standard book of signs and body language for dating by now. I mean really.. if you have to tell someone that their microwave should never be used to dry their pet, and warn them that their hot chocolate is hot.. their knives are sharp.. and water is wet.. you'd think that the things people actually need instructions for would be an obvious choice for warning labels and handbooks.
Love is a lot like driving.. if you wait to long to execute.. you look like a moron. If you misread signs or completely disregard them and move too quickly.. you look like a moron with a black eye and a now open friday night for the rest of the month.
If everyone could just simply read the signs, their dating world would survive one more day.
STOP signs..
With all the games that people play in dating.. some people have 'playing hard to get' down to a system.. it's become an art form they've perfected. While it works and executes a said objective for some people.. people use this realization to stay in denial.. cross over into creeper status.. or just plain not take hints that are thrown in their direction.
There is a difference between 'playing hard to get'.. and enrolling yourself in the witness protection program.. contemplating getting a restraining order.. and playing 'never gonna happen'.
Guys.. when a girl isn't calling you back.. texting you back.. answering your carrier pigeons.. all of the sudden 'moved to europe'.. or too sick to go out.. ever..? Please just take the big red stop sign in front of you for what it's worth..
Girls.. when a guy isn't calling after you've been out.. you know he isn't in the hospital.. you've driven past his parking space so you KNOW he hasn't moved to Cambodia.. and you check 6 times to make sure your phone isn't broken.. He's put the brakes on and taken a different route.
As much as everyone says.. 'Just tell them you're not interested!!" and 'They'll appreciate your honesty!!'.. there is no easy way to tell someone that you're not attracted to them.. that you just dont see it working out with them.. that you had a lot of fun but there was no spark.. and they wear the same cologne as your dad and it confuses your hormones. When egos are involved.. no matter how big or small.. someone's feelings will always get hurt.
However, while we pray that they get the hint.. most of the time.. lets be honest.. they wont.
so. STOP signs... how to put the brakes on gently..? Be as nice as possible.. say what you need to.. and realize that even after you put your pretty face on and your puppy dog eyes.. you still might get a shoe in your face. Not being love hurts.. no matter what someone coats it in.
Now.. hey y'all.. don't make a fool out of me..
If you actually LIKE someone...
Guys.. i'm sorry.. it's up to you to show interest.. call them... text them.. facebook them.. email them.. send them a smoke signal.. ANYTHING to let them know that they don't need to over analyze every word they said.. what they wore.. and how the date was left. Even if you're busy.. show some effort if you want it to go anywhere before they go bald from pulling their hair out.
Girls... if he shows interest.. SHOW IT BACK!! it's not rocket science here!! Playing hard to get is soooo over rated.. it'll only lead you both in circles. I mean don't get me wrong.. don't play..'eager to wed'.. but JUST not texting back for the sake of 'making him wait'... is dumb.
RED LIGHT.. GREEN LIGHT..
When it gets to the point where the question of kissing presents itself on the menu.. it gets tricky.
If you wait too long.. skipping the opportune moment.. the 'insert kiss here' times that cupid has magically planned out for you... you look like a moron.
My favorite movie of all time is Tangled.. I thought it was flawless.. until recently.
i was with my friend Steve when he pointed out the seam in the silk.... the dumb part of the movie that i had never even thought to question..
Flynn and Repunzel are in the most romantic setting you can imagine.. in the middle of a lake with floating lanterns all around them.. singing while looking deep into each other's eyes.. realizing how in love they are.. and BAM.. INSERT PERFECT KISS HERE moment comes...
Flynn sees two homies off in the distance that he has unsettled business with... DOESN'T KISS HER.. and says.. 'i'll be right back... there's something i have to take care of'... WHAT?! Disney... give me a BREAK here.. dude.. kiss the girl.. then go deal with big brawny ginger men that want to kill you.. duh! That's pretty much in the rule book!!
So. If a moment like this presents itself.. don't be a fool and let it pass you by.
On the other hand...
If she avoids eye contact.... gives you a half-hearted hug... tries to keep you at arms length.. or starts coughing uncontrollably... do NOT.. i repeat.. DO NOT go in for the kill. awkkkwarddddd.
Read the body language. Guys.. i'm sorry.. it's up to you.. you have to go like 50.. see if she comes like 20... and when you finally realize that THIS IS HAPPENING.. THEN plant one on her!! .. but if you go 50... she goes -25.. chances are.. either a tic tac wouldn't kill you.. or she's not ready to kiss you.
So.. When you wait too long.. you are awkward.. and when you just GO for it with no indication if this is a mutual thing.. You're a sex offender.
Love is complicated.. obviously. It has the ability to make someone's day.. ruin someone's life.. break someone's heart.. and make someone whole again. It's a very powerful thing that we are in control of. Please be careful with it. Please read the instruction manual before going in one direction with full force with no intention of stopping.. Please be courteous to the other drivers out there trying to get from point A to point B so no one gets hurt. Be open with communication all along so people don't have to try and read your mind.. be maybe a little more obvious with your feelings than you feel you need to be to be sure that confusion is left out of the equation. Observe the rules of life.. don't spray windex in your eyes.. don't wait around assuming someone knows how you feel about them.. chances are.. both things will lead to disaster.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
On the other hand...
If she avoids eye contact.... gives you a half-hearted hug... tries to keep you at arms length.. or starts coughing uncontrollably... do NOT.. i repeat.. DO NOT go in for the kill. awkkkwarddddd.
Read the body language. Guys.. i'm sorry.. it's up to you.. you have to go like 50.. see if she comes like 20... and when you finally realize that THIS IS HAPPENING.. THEN plant one on her!! .. but if you go 50... she goes -25.. chances are.. either a tic tac wouldn't kill you.. or she's not ready to kiss you.
So.. When you wait too long.. you are awkward.. and when you just GO for it with no indication if this is a mutual thing.. You're a sex offender.
Love is complicated.. obviously. It has the ability to make someone's day.. ruin someone's life.. break someone's heart.. and make someone whole again. It's a very powerful thing that we are in control of. Please be careful with it. Please read the instruction manual before going in one direction with full force with no intention of stopping.. Please be courteous to the other drivers out there trying to get from point A to point B so no one gets hurt. Be open with communication all along so people don't have to try and read your mind.. be maybe a little more obvious with your feelings than you feel you need to be to be sure that confusion is left out of the equation. Observe the rules of life.. don't spray windex in your eyes.. don't wait around assuming someone knows how you feel about them.. chances are.. both things will lead to disaster.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
January 30, 2012
Something Buried.. Something Burned
I've always thought of love as a tug-of-war... a little give.. a little take.. finding the balance.. picking your battles.. surrendering the upper hand.. taking control... caring more.. caring less.. back and forth back and forth back and forth..
That sometimes you are running.. and sometimes you are chasing..
That at the end of the day, everything works itself out.
I've grown up believing the fairytale of love.. and everything that goes along with it.
I never understood the phrase 'falling in love alone'.. i just figured that if someone was dumb enough to fall without someone catching them.. that they had no idea what love was.. so therefore they weren't 'falling in love alone'.. they were just bungie jumping without a cord. retards.
In sports.. there are individual events.. like track.. and.. bowling.. but in love.. if you run with no one chasing you.. what the heck are you doing... if you're chasing something that never has any intention of stopping.. either your legs will fall off.. or you'll die of a heart attack in the middle of the love road somewhere... alone.
If you play the love tug-of-war by yourself... you just fall on your butt.
I've always believed that everything that is supposed to work out.. will. But what if something ISN'T working out that you want to?? what do you do?
How long can you hang on to something without needing to see a shrink?
This weekend i went to a funeral.
A funeral for all the lost love that my friends and i needed to finally stop complaining about and over analyzing.. the death of the love that we had kept as excuses to keep us from moving on with our relationships.
Our casket... was a box wrapped in black.. to obviously set the mood..
Our soundtrack.. a combination of the saddest songs we've ever heard.. and angriest revenge songs we could find... so basically a compilation of a bunch of songs i've written in the last couple years..
We each brought something to bury.. something to burn.. something to set free.. and something to take with us.
The something to bury was something we needed to put to rest.. love that hadn't gone the way that we had hoped... things that had broken our hearts.. things that we vowed would no longer affect us.. and hope that we needed to extinguish.
The something to burn.. was something that first off.. we reallllly wanted to see set on fire.. pictures of ex's.. old love letters that were doing us absolutely no good locked away in our 'special boxes'.. teddy bears that we had contemplated turning in to voodoo dolls.. and the tshirts ex's had once looked so good in.. that laid in drawers.. gathering dust.. making us sad anytime they would make their way to the top of the drawer.
The other things going up in flames were things that we had vowed we would never do again. Things that one relationship or another had brought out in us that we hated.. and just plain dumb moves that could've been avoided.
For setting something free.. we took things that we had held on to for dear life.. unrealistic comparisons that had forever plagued relationships since.. memories that we clung to in desperate moments.. feelings we would recall when we felt empty.. and ridiculous fears that we needed to send off into the wind.. tied to white balloons.. off into the universe.
The last thing was something we had learned from these long lost loves that had changed us for the better... the things that we finally had to recognize that made the heartbreak worth it all in the end. We wrote these things down and framed them.. not as a way of looking back.. but as a way of taking the good and moving forward with it.. leaving the rest in a pile of dirt and ashes.
This yah-yah sisterhood moment included: Jane.. Lola.. Katie.. and yours truly.
Jane had a problem of attracting 'the one that got away'. The ONE that got away became a salt lake marathon of boys signing up to be the one that walked away from her into the arms of another... going 26 miles with Jane.. to bail on the last .2 .. getting in a car and driving off into the sunset of another woman. I mean don't get me wrong.. the reason there are so many on this roster is because she dates more than anyone i've ever met.. and they all happen to be quality guys.. at one point in their relationship or another. But this long list of ex lovers was getting Jane down and inhibiting her from moving forward or taking any love seriously anymore. She would now take every relationship to that 26 miles and then even if they had a chance of working out.. she would be the one to bail.. following suit of her regular routine. She didn't want to get hurt.. which made her afraid of being happy.
So... into our casket the roster went.. complete with wedding invites from these ex's.. and papers where she had practiced writing her first name with their last.
She put to rest the pigeonhole she had put herself in of 'terminal bachelorette'.. she buried the fact that love hadnt worked out thus far.. to make room for the idea that someone was out there for her and she would find him soon. She buried her closedmindedness and opened her eyes to the possibilities in front of her.
Jane burned the letter an ex had written her parents about how special she was and how she had changed his life.. along with how sad he was, devastated that it hadn't worked out. psh.. liar got engaged like 2 months later... to the girl that he cheated on Jane with. awesome.
She burned a teddybear a different boy had won her at a fair.. the fair that he had told her that he loved her at.
She set free the name 'Jake'.. the boy that she had held so tightly in her heart that she had kept herself from the possible depth of other relationships.
And her frame contained the words 'Strength'.. 'Wisdom'.. and 'Experience'.
Lola just got out of a relationship that lasted 5 months... 5 months toooo lonnngg!
All this boy did was tear her down.. which of course she didn't see while she was in it.. hence the funeral.. and realization of her recent stupidity.
He would tell her she wasn't smart enough.. pretty enough.. skinny enough.. blonde enough.. social enough.. and that she didn't care enough about him. I mean no he wouldn't just come out and say it.. but over the course of these 5 months he broke her down into a fine powder.. something unrecognizable and weak.
She buried his picture. enough said. Earl had to die.
She set fire to the word "BLIND" along with everything he had ever given her.
She set free the words 'not good enough'.. vowing to never let this affect her future.. healing wounds that he had opened over and over again.. and her frame contained a picture of a key.. representing the fact that she has the ability and tools to get out of anything that isn't good for her.. before it breaks her like homie-retard did.
Katie had had a fire burning in her heart for the same boy since middle school. She had and thought she always would love this one boy, Nathan, all her life. He had been the only boy in her life for so long that she was scared she would never move past it.
They got engaged.. planned the wedding.. and then a month before they were scheduled to say 'i do'.. he had met someone else.. and broken not only the promise he had made Katie.. but her heart.
She had still held the hope that maybe someday.. he would realize that he was wrong.. that this girl was a pre-midlife crisis.. that they could get through this confusion together..
They broke off their engagement 7 months ago, and last month.. he got married... to the girl he had left his life long love for. The girl that had ruined katie's happily ever after.
Katie finally buried his picture.. his letters.. and her promise ring that she had had since she was 16.
She burned the last letter that he wrote her telling her 'i will always love you'.. and the chicks picture.. duh.
She set free the engagement ring that he gave her.. tying a fake diamond ring to the white balloon.. sending it off into the heavens. Setting herself free from this promise that she had held on to.
Katie's frame contained a picture of Prince Charming from the movie cinderella.. representing the fact that there was in fact someone that would sweep her off her feet again.. that she would love even deeper than Nathan.
The funeral for me was a different experience. As much as i would love to vent.. you can create the love story within the frame that i give you... fill in your own blanks.
Into the casket.. I put this song.. a song i wrote called 'Anything'.
I burned old pictures and letters..
My balloon sent a polkadotted ribbin into the universe..
And my frame holds a mirror with a picture of a music note.. and the words.. "everything happens for a reason".
Maybe it's time for you to finally let go of people or feelings that have been holding you back from the endless possibilities of love. Maybe its time to start not only a new chapter.. but a new story. Gather up your memories.. your fears and your insecurities and have a funeral of your own.
Everyone has a past.. it's what makes us who we are. But today will be tomorrow's yesterday. You're creating your future past.. making the memories you'll look back on.. taking the pictures you'll burn in the future.. and holding on to things that someday you might have to let go of.
Don't let what has happened in your past keep you from continuing on to your future. Continue to make memories that someday you and your girlfriends might cry over.. or laugh about. If you get hurt again.. hey.. grab an old box.. a set of matches.. a balloon.. and a picture frame and have yourself another funeral! The time will come soon enough that all of your heartache.. all of your 'falling in love alone' will make sense.. you'll find the person that will stay on the other side of your love tug-of-war rope.. promising to never let you fall alone again. Push forward and your happy ending will be right around the corner.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
ps.. this is the first blog that i've included my music on.. i'll do this every once in a while.. or more. whatevs. hope you like it!
That sometimes you are running.. and sometimes you are chasing..
That at the end of the day, everything works itself out.
I've grown up believing the fairytale of love.. and everything that goes along with it.
I never understood the phrase 'falling in love alone'.. i just figured that if someone was dumb enough to fall without someone catching them.. that they had no idea what love was.. so therefore they weren't 'falling in love alone'.. they were just bungie jumping without a cord. retards.
In sports.. there are individual events.. like track.. and.. bowling.. but in love.. if you run with no one chasing you.. what the heck are you doing... if you're chasing something that never has any intention of stopping.. either your legs will fall off.. or you'll die of a heart attack in the middle of the love road somewhere... alone.
If you play the love tug-of-war by yourself... you just fall on your butt.
I've always believed that everything that is supposed to work out.. will. But what if something ISN'T working out that you want to?? what do you do?
How long can you hang on to something without needing to see a shrink?
This weekend i went to a funeral.
A funeral for all the lost love that my friends and i needed to finally stop complaining about and over analyzing.. the death of the love that we had kept as excuses to keep us from moving on with our relationships.
Our casket... was a box wrapped in black.. to obviously set the mood..
Our soundtrack.. a combination of the saddest songs we've ever heard.. and angriest revenge songs we could find... so basically a compilation of a bunch of songs i've written in the last couple years..
We each brought something to bury.. something to burn.. something to set free.. and something to take with us.
The something to bury was something we needed to put to rest.. love that hadn't gone the way that we had hoped... things that had broken our hearts.. things that we vowed would no longer affect us.. and hope that we needed to extinguish.
The something to burn.. was something that first off.. we reallllly wanted to see set on fire.. pictures of ex's.. old love letters that were doing us absolutely no good locked away in our 'special boxes'.. teddy bears that we had contemplated turning in to voodoo dolls.. and the tshirts ex's had once looked so good in.. that laid in drawers.. gathering dust.. making us sad anytime they would make their way to the top of the drawer.
The other things going up in flames were things that we had vowed we would never do again. Things that one relationship or another had brought out in us that we hated.. and just plain dumb moves that could've been avoided.
For setting something free.. we took things that we had held on to for dear life.. unrealistic comparisons that had forever plagued relationships since.. memories that we clung to in desperate moments.. feelings we would recall when we felt empty.. and ridiculous fears that we needed to send off into the wind.. tied to white balloons.. off into the universe.
The last thing was something we had learned from these long lost loves that had changed us for the better... the things that we finally had to recognize that made the heartbreak worth it all in the end. We wrote these things down and framed them.. not as a way of looking back.. but as a way of taking the good and moving forward with it.. leaving the rest in a pile of dirt and ashes.
This yah-yah sisterhood moment included: Jane.. Lola.. Katie.. and yours truly.
Jane had a problem of attracting 'the one that got away'. The ONE that got away became a salt lake marathon of boys signing up to be the one that walked away from her into the arms of another... going 26 miles with Jane.. to bail on the last .2 .. getting in a car and driving off into the sunset of another woman. I mean don't get me wrong.. the reason there are so many on this roster is because she dates more than anyone i've ever met.. and they all happen to be quality guys.. at one point in their relationship or another. But this long list of ex lovers was getting Jane down and inhibiting her from moving forward or taking any love seriously anymore. She would now take every relationship to that 26 miles and then even if they had a chance of working out.. she would be the one to bail.. following suit of her regular routine. She didn't want to get hurt.. which made her afraid of being happy.
So... into our casket the roster went.. complete with wedding invites from these ex's.. and papers where she had practiced writing her first name with their last.
She put to rest the pigeonhole she had put herself in of 'terminal bachelorette'.. she buried the fact that love hadnt worked out thus far.. to make room for the idea that someone was out there for her and she would find him soon. She buried her closedmindedness and opened her eyes to the possibilities in front of her.
Jane burned the letter an ex had written her parents about how special she was and how she had changed his life.. along with how sad he was, devastated that it hadn't worked out. psh.. liar got engaged like 2 months later... to the girl that he cheated on Jane with. awesome.
She burned a teddybear a different boy had won her at a fair.. the fair that he had told her that he loved her at.
She set free the name 'Jake'.. the boy that she had held so tightly in her heart that she had kept herself from the possible depth of other relationships.
And her frame contained the words 'Strength'.. 'Wisdom'.. and 'Experience'.
Lola just got out of a relationship that lasted 5 months... 5 months toooo lonnngg!
All this boy did was tear her down.. which of course she didn't see while she was in it.. hence the funeral.. and realization of her recent stupidity.
He would tell her she wasn't smart enough.. pretty enough.. skinny enough.. blonde enough.. social enough.. and that she didn't care enough about him. I mean no he wouldn't just come out and say it.. but over the course of these 5 months he broke her down into a fine powder.. something unrecognizable and weak.
She buried his picture. enough said. Earl had to die.
She set fire to the word "BLIND" along with everything he had ever given her.
She set free the words 'not good enough'.. vowing to never let this affect her future.. healing wounds that he had opened over and over again.. and her frame contained a picture of a key.. representing the fact that she has the ability and tools to get out of anything that isn't good for her.. before it breaks her like homie-retard did.
Katie had had a fire burning in her heart for the same boy since middle school. She had and thought she always would love this one boy, Nathan, all her life. He had been the only boy in her life for so long that she was scared she would never move past it.
They got engaged.. planned the wedding.. and then a month before they were scheduled to say 'i do'.. he had met someone else.. and broken not only the promise he had made Katie.. but her heart.
She had still held the hope that maybe someday.. he would realize that he was wrong.. that this girl was a pre-midlife crisis.. that they could get through this confusion together..
They broke off their engagement 7 months ago, and last month.. he got married... to the girl he had left his life long love for. The girl that had ruined katie's happily ever after.
Katie finally buried his picture.. his letters.. and her promise ring that she had had since she was 16.
She burned the last letter that he wrote her telling her 'i will always love you'.. and the chicks picture.. duh.
She set free the engagement ring that he gave her.. tying a fake diamond ring to the white balloon.. sending it off into the heavens. Setting herself free from this promise that she had held on to.
Katie's frame contained a picture of Prince Charming from the movie cinderella.. representing the fact that there was in fact someone that would sweep her off her feet again.. that she would love even deeper than Nathan.
The funeral for me was a different experience. As much as i would love to vent.. you can create the love story within the frame that i give you... fill in your own blanks.
Into the casket.. I put this song.. a song i wrote called 'Anything'.
I burned old pictures and letters..
My balloon sent a polkadotted ribbin into the universe..
And my frame holds a mirror with a picture of a music note.. and the words.. "everything happens for a reason".
Maybe it's time for you to finally let go of people or feelings that have been holding you back from the endless possibilities of love. Maybe its time to start not only a new chapter.. but a new story. Gather up your memories.. your fears and your insecurities and have a funeral of your own.
Everyone has a past.. it's what makes us who we are. But today will be tomorrow's yesterday. You're creating your future past.. making the memories you'll look back on.. taking the pictures you'll burn in the future.. and holding on to things that someday you might have to let go of.
Don't let what has happened in your past keep you from continuing on to your future. Continue to make memories that someday you and your girlfriends might cry over.. or laugh about. If you get hurt again.. hey.. grab an old box.. a set of matches.. a balloon.. and a picture frame and have yourself another funeral! The time will come soon enough that all of your heartache.. all of your 'falling in love alone' will make sense.. you'll find the person that will stay on the other side of your love tug-of-war rope.. promising to never let you fall alone again. Push forward and your happy ending will be right around the corner.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
ps.. this is the first blog that i've included my music on.. i'll do this every once in a while.. or more. whatevs. hope you like it!
January 25, 2012
Confessions of a Tool-aholic
Hi. I'm McCall and i... am a tool-aholic. it's been.. not long enough since my last tool-binge and i am here to put a stop to this madness and serious addiction plaguing my life and the lives of those i love.
I come from a long line of tool-aholics.. you could say it's in my blood. and it's time for it to bloody stop.
In a female conversation the other day, a group of my friends all evaluated the kind of guys that we've dated.. We went clear back.. alllll the way through the roster,at least the part of the roster that we remembered... including the flings.. the 'one's that got away ' and boys that we planned on marrying the first time we saw them.. and then reconsidered 5 seconds later.. We then compared it to the kind of dudes that we want to marry....
Somewhere in the middle.. there was a disconnect..
We realized that the behaviors that we had conditioned ourselves to be interested in.. were not the same behaviors that our imagined charming princes would convey. In fact.. other than 'be a hottie'.. none of the factors matched at all.
We went through step by step... tool by tool.. seeing all that we had suffered in the name of love.. or what we had been calling love. Trying to figure where we went wrong thus far in our love lives.
The common threads that we found are woven into the same cloth as the rest of the dating world today...
We are all supposedly dating in order to progress... we're SUPPOSED to be dating in order to someday.. whenever it fits into your future.. get married... yet the people we are choosing to date are so far from the ones we would even consider marrying.. it's no wonder we think dating sucks! As stupid as it sounds.. and as much as you wanna smack everyone up side the head and just be like.. well.. STOP!.. there is, in fact, method to the madness.. and a way of explaining where each of us has gone wrong.
For the fellow tool-aholics... in high school, as well as growing up if you blossomed before that.. we were attracted to the confident.. cocky.. jock-ish.. swaggering guy that was this and that.. filling our juvenile love needs. We actually LIKED that they liked themselves more than they liked us.. because in an awkward high school world.. most people are insecure and awkward. The tools that overcome this awkwardness... or even only pretend to over come this with the false sense of security and worth that they develop from the sports they play or the number of chicks they make out with.. are put on a certain pedestal that toolaholics strive to conquer.
We learn on the playground as little girls that when a boy is mean to us.. it means they like us... and are determined to use our high school years to test this theory out. We get caught up in the sparkliness of our tools.. learning to love them.. while developing bad habits of seeking a superficial game-like kind of love.
We fall into the habits of seeking approval of all sorts.. 'never being good enough'.. always having to step up our game and question our position in the relationships we're in. This becomes attractive as we pound it into our brains and hearts, because it is in fact, an exciting way to live.. it leaves us constantly on edge. We confuse this so called excitement, or anxiety, that comes from the inconsistency of what's happening with what society would call 'falling in love' or 'butterflies'.. building the foundation under our hearts all crooked.. making sure that any future relationship short of this 'excitement' doesn't measure up.
While we are used to having to wait 4 days for someone to text us back.. keeping us on edge and on our toes... if we all the sudden start dating someone that texts us on a consistent basis... that familiar anxiety or 'butterfly' feeling.. is missing.. making us question the 'spark' in the relationship all together.
While we get used to this... we're just digging our graves deeper and deeper.. apparently subconsciously thinking that one day we'll magically make the switch over and be ok with dating something different..?
No worries toolaholics.. there is hope for us. But the answer isn't going to fall from the sky.. into our laps.. with a diamond ring..
This common problem that we face... the reason we go to this secret society of fellow addicts.. is because we seek the things necessary to make the transition from tools.. to nice guys. We band together in order to save each other's souls and hearts from a life time of making sandwiches and giving back-rubs.
Honestly... do we REALLY want to end up with someone that loves themselves more than they love us? do we TRULY want to have a serious relationship and marry someone that we're constantly seeking approval from.. that reluctantly gives any sign of love because it 'keeps us on the line'..? if your answer is yes.. you need more than this blog... you need serious help.
So how do you transition from dating like that.. exciting.. unpredictable.. never knowing when they like you.. or if their emotions will remain consistent over a 24 hour period... to the boring.. consistency of real love.. REALationships?
How to we retrain ourselves to like what we're supposed to like.. and quit giving these homies an excuse to never grow up?
You commit.. and follow through.
The same way anything is accomplished in life.. nothing happens if you don't start.
I wish i had a magic spell and special potion that you could drink and be cured... spin around 3 times.. hop on 1 foot while repeating 'woman make me sandwich is not the way to live.... woman make me sandwich is not the way to live...' holding your foot and touching your bellybutton.. but unfortunately, this is a bad habit that you yourself have created.. and you yourself have to break.
I'm gonna tell you right now that if you're in your addiction prettttyyy deep... if you're close to the 'lost cause' line... it's gonna be harder for you than others... this tool-rehab will be somewhat of a blog-worthy experience for you.. but i promise.. you'll thank me someday.
The first thing you need to do... is clean house.
Commit yourself to not dating the guys that you've already burned through at a rapid rate... and follow through with cutting the cord.. this means no 'i was lonely one night and fell back into my little black book' booty calls... no 'i really think he's changed'.. NONE OF IT. You stop it. right now.
The thing about these tool box's that we've chosen to associate ourselves with.. is that yes.. every one of them is going to settle down someday... there will come a time and a girl that they will in fact change (to a certain extent) for.. they will become monogamous... and actually get married. It takes the right girl for each one of them.. not the 'best' girl... not the 'hottest'... but the RIGHT girl. I'm sorry to tell you... but judging by your presence in the tool-aholics anonymous club... you are not this girl. Don't beat yourself up when they all the sudden decide to settle down.. you'll be waayyy better off without them. Don't decide to make them your projects in hopes that you'll be around when the switch flips.. that's NOT the way it works. cut it off.. you'll both be happier.
The second thing you have to do... is learn to handle your dating ADD and ADHD.
You've gotten accustomed to being on CRACK relationships.. you're gonna need to learn to breathe.. and focus. Get the constant 'have to be on edge'-ness out of your system. Give yourself a chance to actually FALL for someone. You don't have to trip at first sight.. chances are when that happens you end up breaking something anyway. These butterflies that you're used to are DEMON butterflies.. demon butterflies that eat your soul. Kill that addiction and realize that just because you don't have anxiety over someone.. doesn't mean you like them any less.
The last thing is just give the nice guy a chance! Once you kick the tool-bad-habit.. you'll be surprised how much you actually like being treated well. it will become a new addiction for you.. a HEALTHY addiction that will serve you better in your life.
Make a serious effort to date a new breed of man.. one that cares more about your feelings than his social agenda.. one willing to give up his little black book to be your ryan gosling. Realize that it will be a different dating experience.. and EMBRACE the change!
My girlfriend Beth comes from a long line of toolaholics. Her addiction had grown so much.. that anything shy of an all-star.. wouldn't make it past a couple of weeks in her dating book. Everything that she had ever known was inconsistent and a one way tug-of-war. All she ever wanted was to be loved.. but then if any boy dared to actually love her.. she was NOT down. As her tool time ticked on.. we as her friends.. conniving and mischievous were sick of seeing her heart crash and burn over and over and over as she continuously went back to tool after tool.. convincing herself that THIS time they would be different.. that THIS time.. this tool would fall, giving her the best of both worlds. We challenged her with a love experiment... we bet her a week of Zupas (our favorite lunch spot) that she couldn't date a nice guy for longer than 3 weeks without getting sick of him. And.. being a chick that loves her fairly priced salads and soups... she accepted.
So. the next 'nice guy' that all of us agreed on that fit the description that asked Beth out... set our plan in motion.. This boy's name was Matt.
Beth was required by our little gossip girl crew that she go on every date this boy asked her on for those 3 weeks... that she give him every chance that he wanted. She had to text back to every text he sent her.. answer every phone call.. and be responsive to any effort he threw her way.
Well... Matt, while being a nice guy... was in no way a shy nice guy. From the first date they went on forward.. he text her or called her every day. In the first week they went out twice.. and hung out twice on top of that. He definitely made it known that he was not only interested in Beth... but that he didn't feel the need to 'feel his options out'.. that he was the kind of guy that dated one person at a time.. and he had put all his focus on Beth.
Matt didn't play games.. he was never a douche to her... he showed genuine interest and had follow through.
While at first Beth was NOT down.. (we couldn't exactly blame her.. coming from a relationship where she waited by the phone for DAYS waiting for so much as a 'hey'.. all of the sudden having to consciously text and call a human back on a daily basis.)... she grew to absolutely love feeling like a princess. By week 3.. She was smitten.
Beth and Matt are still dating.... it's been 5 months. And unlike the relationships prior.. where Beth would be jealous and worry.. where she would have to think twice about speaking her mind or expressing concern about something... she has become a completely different person! By dating this nice guy.. she has taken the anxiety out of her love life and found true butterflies.. REAL falling in love emotions. and.. from what we hear.. she's not planning on letting them go.
Life is just too dang short to date douche bags. There are too many nice guys waiting to date amazing girls that have been corrupted to the point of overlooking happiness for false excitement.
We all complain that 'guys are all the same'.. 'girls are all the same'.. there ARE no nice guys in the world... but when it comes down to it... we've left them off our radar for so long that they've become invisible to us. Nice guys do exist. THEY ARE OUT THERE.. and they are waiting. They're like the polar express bell... you have to believe in order to hear it ring. You have to look in order to find. And finally.. you have to believe that you deserve a nice guy. Never think you're corrupted past the point of no return.. that you're doomed to sleep in the bed that you've made. No matter what your dating past has been.. you deserve the best. Find someone that makes you feel that way.. and don't let him go.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
I come from a long line of tool-aholics.. you could say it's in my blood. and it's time for it to bloody stop.
In a female conversation the other day, a group of my friends all evaluated the kind of guys that we've dated.. We went clear back.. alllll the way through the roster,at least the part of the roster that we remembered... including the flings.. the 'one's that got away ' and boys that we planned on marrying the first time we saw them.. and then reconsidered 5 seconds later.. We then compared it to the kind of dudes that we want to marry....
Somewhere in the middle.. there was a disconnect..
We realized that the behaviors that we had conditioned ourselves to be interested in.. were not the same behaviors that our imagined charming princes would convey. In fact.. other than 'be a hottie'.. none of the factors matched at all.
We went through step by step... tool by tool.. seeing all that we had suffered in the name of love.. or what we had been calling love. Trying to figure where we went wrong thus far in our love lives.
The common threads that we found are woven into the same cloth as the rest of the dating world today...
We are all supposedly dating in order to progress... we're SUPPOSED to be dating in order to someday.. whenever it fits into your future.. get married... yet the people we are choosing to date are so far from the ones we would even consider marrying.. it's no wonder we think dating sucks! As stupid as it sounds.. and as much as you wanna smack everyone up side the head and just be like.. well.. STOP!.. there is, in fact, method to the madness.. and a way of explaining where each of us has gone wrong.
For the fellow tool-aholics... in high school, as well as growing up if you blossomed before that.. we were attracted to the confident.. cocky.. jock-ish.. swaggering guy that was this and that.. filling our juvenile love needs. We actually LIKED that they liked themselves more than they liked us.. because in an awkward high school world.. most people are insecure and awkward. The tools that overcome this awkwardness... or even only pretend to over come this with the false sense of security and worth that they develop from the sports they play or the number of chicks they make out with.. are put on a certain pedestal that toolaholics strive to conquer.
We learn on the playground as little girls that when a boy is mean to us.. it means they like us... and are determined to use our high school years to test this theory out. We get caught up in the sparkliness of our tools.. learning to love them.. while developing bad habits of seeking a superficial game-like kind of love.
We fall into the habits of seeking approval of all sorts.. 'never being good enough'.. always having to step up our game and question our position in the relationships we're in. This becomes attractive as we pound it into our brains and hearts, because it is in fact, an exciting way to live.. it leaves us constantly on edge. We confuse this so called excitement, or anxiety, that comes from the inconsistency of what's happening with what society would call 'falling in love' or 'butterflies'.. building the foundation under our hearts all crooked.. making sure that any future relationship short of this 'excitement' doesn't measure up.
While we are used to having to wait 4 days for someone to text us back.. keeping us on edge and on our toes... if we all the sudden start dating someone that texts us on a consistent basis... that familiar anxiety or 'butterfly' feeling.. is missing.. making us question the 'spark' in the relationship all together.
While we get used to this... we're just digging our graves deeper and deeper.. apparently subconsciously thinking that one day we'll magically make the switch over and be ok with dating something different..?
No worries toolaholics.. there is hope for us. But the answer isn't going to fall from the sky.. into our laps.. with a diamond ring..
This common problem that we face... the reason we go to this secret society of fellow addicts.. is because we seek the things necessary to make the transition from tools.. to nice guys. We band together in order to save each other's souls and hearts from a life time of making sandwiches and giving back-rubs.
Honestly... do we REALLY want to end up with someone that loves themselves more than they love us? do we TRULY want to have a serious relationship and marry someone that we're constantly seeking approval from.. that reluctantly gives any sign of love because it 'keeps us on the line'..? if your answer is yes.. you need more than this blog... you need serious help.
So how do you transition from dating like that.. exciting.. unpredictable.. never knowing when they like you.. or if their emotions will remain consistent over a 24 hour period... to the boring.. consistency of real love.. REALationships?
How to we retrain ourselves to like what we're supposed to like.. and quit giving these homies an excuse to never grow up?
You commit.. and follow through.
The same way anything is accomplished in life.. nothing happens if you don't start.
I wish i had a magic spell and special potion that you could drink and be cured... spin around 3 times.. hop on 1 foot while repeating 'woman make me sandwich is not the way to live.... woman make me sandwich is not the way to live...' holding your foot and touching your bellybutton.. but unfortunately, this is a bad habit that you yourself have created.. and you yourself have to break.
I'm gonna tell you right now that if you're in your addiction prettttyyy deep... if you're close to the 'lost cause' line... it's gonna be harder for you than others... this tool-rehab will be somewhat of a blog-worthy experience for you.. but i promise.. you'll thank me someday.
The first thing you need to do... is clean house.
Commit yourself to not dating the guys that you've already burned through at a rapid rate... and follow through with cutting the cord.. this means no 'i was lonely one night and fell back into my little black book' booty calls... no 'i really think he's changed'.. NONE OF IT. You stop it. right now.
The thing about these tool box's that we've chosen to associate ourselves with.. is that yes.. every one of them is going to settle down someday... there will come a time and a girl that they will in fact change (to a certain extent) for.. they will become monogamous... and actually get married. It takes the right girl for each one of them.. not the 'best' girl... not the 'hottest'... but the RIGHT girl. I'm sorry to tell you... but judging by your presence in the tool-aholics anonymous club... you are not this girl. Don't beat yourself up when they all the sudden decide to settle down.. you'll be waayyy better off without them. Don't decide to make them your projects in hopes that you'll be around when the switch flips.. that's NOT the way it works. cut it off.. you'll both be happier.
The second thing you have to do... is learn to handle your dating ADD and ADHD.
You've gotten accustomed to being on CRACK relationships.. you're gonna need to learn to breathe.. and focus. Get the constant 'have to be on edge'-ness out of your system. Give yourself a chance to actually FALL for someone. You don't have to trip at first sight.. chances are when that happens you end up breaking something anyway. These butterflies that you're used to are DEMON butterflies.. demon butterflies that eat your soul. Kill that addiction and realize that just because you don't have anxiety over someone.. doesn't mean you like them any less.
The last thing is just give the nice guy a chance! Once you kick the tool-bad-habit.. you'll be surprised how much you actually like being treated well. it will become a new addiction for you.. a HEALTHY addiction that will serve you better in your life.
Make a serious effort to date a new breed of man.. one that cares more about your feelings than his social agenda.. one willing to give up his little black book to be your ryan gosling. Realize that it will be a different dating experience.. and EMBRACE the change!
My girlfriend Beth comes from a long line of toolaholics. Her addiction had grown so much.. that anything shy of an all-star.. wouldn't make it past a couple of weeks in her dating book. Everything that she had ever known was inconsistent and a one way tug-of-war. All she ever wanted was to be loved.. but then if any boy dared to actually love her.. she was NOT down. As her tool time ticked on.. we as her friends.. conniving and mischievous were sick of seeing her heart crash and burn over and over and over as she continuously went back to tool after tool.. convincing herself that THIS time they would be different.. that THIS time.. this tool would fall, giving her the best of both worlds. We challenged her with a love experiment... we bet her a week of Zupas (our favorite lunch spot) that she couldn't date a nice guy for longer than 3 weeks without getting sick of him. And.. being a chick that loves her fairly priced salads and soups... she accepted.
So. the next 'nice guy' that all of us agreed on that fit the description that asked Beth out... set our plan in motion.. This boy's name was Matt.
Beth was required by our little gossip girl crew that she go on every date this boy asked her on for those 3 weeks... that she give him every chance that he wanted. She had to text back to every text he sent her.. answer every phone call.. and be responsive to any effort he threw her way.
Well... Matt, while being a nice guy... was in no way a shy nice guy. From the first date they went on forward.. he text her or called her every day. In the first week they went out twice.. and hung out twice on top of that. He definitely made it known that he was not only interested in Beth... but that he didn't feel the need to 'feel his options out'.. that he was the kind of guy that dated one person at a time.. and he had put all his focus on Beth.
Matt didn't play games.. he was never a douche to her... he showed genuine interest and had follow through.
While at first Beth was NOT down.. (we couldn't exactly blame her.. coming from a relationship where she waited by the phone for DAYS waiting for so much as a 'hey'.. all of the sudden having to consciously text and call a human back on a daily basis.)... she grew to absolutely love feeling like a princess. By week 3.. She was smitten.
Beth and Matt are still dating.... it's been 5 months. And unlike the relationships prior.. where Beth would be jealous and worry.. where she would have to think twice about speaking her mind or expressing concern about something... she has become a completely different person! By dating this nice guy.. she has taken the anxiety out of her love life and found true butterflies.. REAL falling in love emotions. and.. from what we hear.. she's not planning on letting them go.
Life is just too dang short to date douche bags. There are too many nice guys waiting to date amazing girls that have been corrupted to the point of overlooking happiness for false excitement.
We all complain that 'guys are all the same'.. 'girls are all the same'.. there ARE no nice guys in the world... but when it comes down to it... we've left them off our radar for so long that they've become invisible to us. Nice guys do exist. THEY ARE OUT THERE.. and they are waiting. They're like the polar express bell... you have to believe in order to hear it ring. You have to look in order to find. And finally.. you have to believe that you deserve a nice guy. Never think you're corrupted past the point of no return.. that you're doomed to sleep in the bed that you've made. No matter what your dating past has been.. you deserve the best. Find someone that makes you feel that way.. and don't let him go.
Until Later..
xoxo
-Callymon
January 23, 2012
For better or Worse
Everyone is different.
You find people of all shapes and sizes.. all different personalities... quarks.. pet peeves.. things that set them off... tolerance levels... hair color.. eye color... and scars.
But one thing that all of us as human being have in common, is the fact that we came from something before. We all have a past us.. and a present us... things that in our personal history changed us for the better.. or worse.. into the person we are today.
Whether it be catastrophic events.. or simple snide comments... complements.. or tiny realizations about ourselves and others.. our own timelines affect us and have molded us into us.. for better or worse.
I've been studying this very concept in those around me.. picking apart their pasts in order to get further insight into what made them the way that they are.
Things like death.. heartache.. and losing everything you have.. take quite the toll on someone's soul and set behaviors. People that go through these horrible life-changing events usually come out one way or the other...
for better...
They focus on what matters most to them in their lives... determined to become the best person they can possibly be in every area.. realizing that they in no way had a part in their fate in accordance to these events and they become the Mother Teresa's of the world.. attempting to relieve the pain of anyone and everyone they possibly can.
or for worse..
They blame themselves... determined to never let this kind of heart ache happen again.. closing out any possibility of happiness in fear of the unknown.. fear of failure and sadness. They close themselves off.. with good reason. But they change for the worse. silently crying for help that others around them need to recognize and provide.
Winning the lottery.. falling in love.. and having a moment where everything is right in your life.. change you in ways for better or worse as well...
For better..
People become lovely and giving.. sharing their happiness no matter the kind that they're in abundance of.
for worse..
People become greedy and selfish.. holding on to every ounce of money or love that they have at that time.. often times with the result of them later losing it.
You can look back into someone's history and see what made them how they are... drawing a road map of when they changed for the better.. and when they changed for the worse.
When doing this.. you either gain sympathy for their poor unfortunate souls... wanna kick them in the teeth.. or simply have an explanation of the hard shell or giant softy in front of you.
In the world of love and singleness.. if we each had a road map of everyone on the menu.. we could better understand the retarded world we live in.. we could gain a better perspective of why the douche-bags we date.. act the way that they do. And if it didn't help further us in our quest for love... at least it would give us a good hard laugh. and the ability to recognize the faults in one another with a grain of salt.. realizing that all of us are an ex-something and we- with a little effort - can most likely pull whoever they are out of whatever retarded slump they've fallen into. We can reveal the humanity in each other.. silently.. or publicly.. depending on how gutsy each of us are.. and hopefully reach common.. mature.. ground.. someday.
In a community full of dude-bro's and possibly the most vain people i've ever met.. it wasn't hard to come across.. not just one... but several conversations.. about nothing more than being hot.
At first it was pretty amusing.. not gonna lie.. as dude-bro after homie.. after tool box.. talked about special tanning creme made from the geckos of the nile that only they could get for the delicate condition of their skin.. that practically made them a no brainer for any lady they pursued... About hair gel that was JUST the right amount of hold that took them from jersey shore.. to Abercrombie model.. so they could look natural.. but still like they cared.
They proceeded to talk about their favorite part of a woman's body.. and the PERFECT exercise that they should do to make their butt exactly the right shape.. and how many 'chicks wanted them'.
About 30 seconds into this conversation.. i wanted to ralph.
As i searched the room contemplating suicide.. wondering if i could get more horrific than 'death by carbs' in the eyes of the group in front of me... i said a small prayer for the douche bag's of the world.
There honestly can't be that many people in the world stuck in never land.... with the 'mature' part of their brain missing.. the 'grow up' gene... just GONE! i mean honestly.. ya.. its great that you're hot. but really? being hot is like a pre-req. nobody really cares THAT much.. and CERTAINLY nobody wants to hear about it!
Physical attraction is decided in the first 5 seconds of meeting someone.. it is the door into the kingdom of love. If you pass.. you get to explore.. if you don't... you go find another door. It's such a matter of personal taste and judgement that it becomes a base-line. You probably wont date someone that YOU'RE not physically attracted to.. bottom line. They don't have to be attractive to someone else.. but YOU have to like the way they look. So. being a baseline.. a door... its ridiculous how much emphasis some people put on it. P.R.E.R.E.Q.U.I.S.I.T.E.. baseline!
If you're hot... that's great. good for you... but if you really have to tell someone else how hot you are... you're gonna end up with a whole bunch of puke down your shirt.
So.. after searching and compiling and asking and deciding and inquiring and finding....
this is what i came up with:
Alright.. hold up homies.. before i get knee deep in this.. and start getting hate mail.. i obviously realize that there are in fact, exceptions to every rule.. if you find them.. send em my way. If you feel like you ARE the exception.. you have a big case of 'i think i'm awesome syndrome'... or you think you're tight. Which is fine... but no. you can not nominate yourself.
alright. covered all my bases? good.
Ex-Brown-baggers: People that used to be fuggs (freakin ugly) and are now hot.
I want to marry a late bloomer. They're the best people in society. ok i lied.. they can go one of two ways..
for better...
They miss the whole 'think you're super hot and get super annoying in high school' phase... they most definitely value things about themselves waaaay more than their looks.. they've taken the time to develop an actual brain and opinion about things in the world.. so most of the time they're either smart.. or funny.. or both. And they either a) don't know their hot yet.. or b) they've figured it out.. but when you tell them.. they receive it as a genuine complement.. other than the 'well duh' look. When you get the 'for better' side of the late bloomer.. they've been over looked in the tool draft and come out on top.
This is one of the reasons that you see 10's with 5's... one of the two either doesn't realize how hot they are... contributed to their late-bloomer-syndrome.. and/or they haven't had the shallowness branded into their brains their whole life.. so they value other things more than pure physical attraction.
for worse...
while there's nothing better than a 'better bloomer'... a 'worse' bloomer..? yuck. there's rarely anything that can top the annoyingness.
People that used to be fuggs.. that all of the sudden realize they're hot.. and realize the power that comes with being hot...that literally CANT SHUT UP about how hot they are... wooooof.
These lovely people have comebacks like...'but they're not even HOT!'.. and 'yaaa but you're waaayyy hotter than they are.. duh! so like.. you win anyway.' These are the people that missed the 'play the field years' in high school and/or early college years... they missed the 'prime douchery memories and stats'.. and are DETERMINED to make up for lost time. They often times act juvenile... in EVERYTHING THEY DO. They party hard LONG after everyone else grows out of it.. they play more games in relationships because 'they just aren't sure if the person they're dating understands the value of the person in front of them'..
These people wont date.. or slay.. anything less than a 9 at worst. They feel like they deserve ONLY 10's as far as looks go cuz uh 'duh.. they're hot now'. They most of the time will end up with a bimbo whose brains are in.. some form of lump on their body..(biceps..abs..or if they're a chick.. other..lady.. lumps..) Or... nah. they pretty much end up with someone who definitely has the physical attraction going for them.. don't get me wrong.. they end up with hotties... but usually these people have nothing else going for them... the conversations with them are like talking to a brick wall.
The exception..
Sometimes ex-fuggzies (late bloomers) are and end up with regular people.. don't follow a formula.. and go through life happily as though they had bloomed at an earlier age.. or never at all.
Ex-grocery-baggers: People that used to be fat.. (in a dude's case scrawny would apply here also) that are now skinny.. (or shredded)... yes i realize this is just an extension.. for chicks its pretty much the same... for dudes.. it makes a specialty group.. of even more gaggy people.
Normal people that have made the switch.. joined a gym.. given up chocolate cake.. or recently had lipo.. act.. normal. go figure. Nothing really changes except.. they look different. yay. good for them. have a cookie.
Worse than worse...
The dudes that all the sudden have become shredded? CAN'T SHUT UP about their diet and work out... they constantly watch what others eat around them.. and literally will NOT shut up about how blah blah blah happened.. and then they got shredded and it fixed everything. All they wanna talk about is the gym... These are usually the dudes you see... standing in front of the mirror at golds.. with a cut off shirt that barely covers their nipples.. making out with their biceps. These guys usually make the biggest tools you can find. (all of the above assumptions about ex-fuggs-a-puggs applies here as well..)
The chicks that have made the transition.. for worse..? Usually dress in the skimpy clothes they 'missed out' on wearing before.. and they abandon all of their other qualities to act retarded. They actually TRY and be stupider than they are because they've seen all the other chicks their whole lives get guys with the laugh and flip.. bend and snap.. mentality.
Once again.. the exception? .. sometimes people that fall in this category are completely normal.. but those are no fun to talk about.
Ex-beauty-queens: People that used to be attractive.. that have seriously gone down hill.
For better:
They're fine.. they settle into the middle numbers and are ok with it. alright.. ya.. its more normal than 'better'.. but still... normal is better than WORSE!
For worse:
its just sad. They become super self-conscious because they get a lot less attention than they used to.. they constantly feel like they have something to prove so they share waaaay more with you about their personal lives than they should..
they find every excuse to tell you how hot they are.. because they want YOU to believe it. They will NOT post an accurate or current picture on Facebook... they live in the glory days.
They often times have a false elitist sense to them... feeling like they're too attractive to date anyone..
Ex-Sweethearts: People that were perfect and normal in relationships until someone ruined them.
For better:
These people have been in bad relationships and are determined to find something quality. They are determined to do whatever it takes to make it work this time. They keep the past in the past and learn from their mistakes.. often times moving on faster because of the heartache they've had to face.
For worse:
These are the people that were normal.. and functioning.. and not douchey.. until some retard messed them up. They often times have trust issues.. cant settle down, or commit to anything... ever.. They often times have one thing in particular that they are INSANE about.. whether it be cheating.. or 'never feeling good enough'... or separation issues..
Whoever messed these perfectly good people up.. should be shot. Because NOW they figure that whatever they did prior.. aka.. the 'nice guy' or 'nice girl' routine.. obviously didn't work.. so they now will become a douche... a jerk.. a homie that will always have the upper hand by caring less. It's just sad sad sad.
Everyone has a past.. recognize it right here and now. as the human race.. we need to be able to laugh at each other's weaknesses and take people with a grain of salt, however, we also need to realize that we have absolutely NOTHING to prove to ANYONE but ourselves.. we don't need to shove ourselves down people's throats for them to realize how great we are.. people are more perceptive that we give them credit for. We don't need to judge people on how they were or looked in high school.. but we also don't need to ACT like we're in high school.
If everyone in the single world could just GROW UP.. even just a little bit.. and realize that we are exactly who we are and someone is going to love us.. for how we are.. not how we pretend to be.. NOT how we tell others we are.
Good for you for winning the lottery.. good for you for changing into someone that you want to be physically.. or mentally.. or spiritually.. or emotionally.
But beauty is far more than skin deep. it's simply a pre-req. get through the door and explore the real beauty about someone... their soul.
We are who we are.. for better.. or worse.
until later..
xoxo
-Callymon
You find people of all shapes and sizes.. all different personalities... quarks.. pet peeves.. things that set them off... tolerance levels... hair color.. eye color... and scars.
But one thing that all of us as human being have in common, is the fact that we came from something before. We all have a past us.. and a present us... things that in our personal history changed us for the better.. or worse.. into the person we are today.
Whether it be catastrophic events.. or simple snide comments... complements.. or tiny realizations about ourselves and others.. our own timelines affect us and have molded us into us.. for better or worse.
I've been studying this very concept in those around me.. picking apart their pasts in order to get further insight into what made them the way that they are.
Things like death.. heartache.. and losing everything you have.. take quite the toll on someone's soul and set behaviors. People that go through these horrible life-changing events usually come out one way or the other...
for better...
They focus on what matters most to them in their lives... determined to become the best person they can possibly be in every area.. realizing that they in no way had a part in their fate in accordance to these events and they become the Mother Teresa's of the world.. attempting to relieve the pain of anyone and everyone they possibly can.
or for worse..
They blame themselves... determined to never let this kind of heart ache happen again.. closing out any possibility of happiness in fear of the unknown.. fear of failure and sadness. They close themselves off.. with good reason. But they change for the worse. silently crying for help that others around them need to recognize and provide.
Winning the lottery.. falling in love.. and having a moment where everything is right in your life.. change you in ways for better or worse as well...
For better..
People become lovely and giving.. sharing their happiness no matter the kind that they're in abundance of.
for worse..
People become greedy and selfish.. holding on to every ounce of money or love that they have at that time.. often times with the result of them later losing it.
You can look back into someone's history and see what made them how they are... drawing a road map of when they changed for the better.. and when they changed for the worse.
When doing this.. you either gain sympathy for their poor unfortunate souls... wanna kick them in the teeth.. or simply have an explanation of the hard shell or giant softy in front of you.
In the world of love and singleness.. if we each had a road map of everyone on the menu.. we could better understand the retarded world we live in.. we could gain a better perspective of why the douche-bags we date.. act the way that they do. And if it didn't help further us in our quest for love... at least it would give us a good hard laugh. and the ability to recognize the faults in one another with a grain of salt.. realizing that all of us are an ex-something and we- with a little effort - can most likely pull whoever they are out of whatever retarded slump they've fallen into. We can reveal the humanity in each other.. silently.. or publicly.. depending on how gutsy each of us are.. and hopefully reach common.. mature.. ground.. someday.
In a community full of dude-bro's and possibly the most vain people i've ever met.. it wasn't hard to come across.. not just one... but several conversations.. about nothing more than being hot.
At first it was pretty amusing.. not gonna lie.. as dude-bro after homie.. after tool box.. talked about special tanning creme made from the geckos of the nile that only they could get for the delicate condition of their skin.. that practically made them a no brainer for any lady they pursued... About hair gel that was JUST the right amount of hold that took them from jersey shore.. to Abercrombie model.. so they could look natural.. but still like they cared.
They proceeded to talk about their favorite part of a woman's body.. and the PERFECT exercise that they should do to make their butt exactly the right shape.. and how many 'chicks wanted them'.
About 30 seconds into this conversation.. i wanted to ralph.
As i searched the room contemplating suicide.. wondering if i could get more horrific than 'death by carbs' in the eyes of the group in front of me... i said a small prayer for the douche bag's of the world.
There honestly can't be that many people in the world stuck in never land.... with the 'mature' part of their brain missing.. the 'grow up' gene... just GONE! i mean honestly.. ya.. its great that you're hot. but really? being hot is like a pre-req. nobody really cares THAT much.. and CERTAINLY nobody wants to hear about it!
Physical attraction is decided in the first 5 seconds of meeting someone.. it is the door into the kingdom of love. If you pass.. you get to explore.. if you don't... you go find another door. It's such a matter of personal taste and judgement that it becomes a base-line. You probably wont date someone that YOU'RE not physically attracted to.. bottom line. They don't have to be attractive to someone else.. but YOU have to like the way they look. So. being a baseline.. a door... its ridiculous how much emphasis some people put on it. P.R.E.R.E.Q.U.I.S.I.T.E.. baseline!
If you're hot... that's great. good for you... but if you really have to tell someone else how hot you are... you're gonna end up with a whole bunch of puke down your shirt.
So.. after searching and compiling and asking and deciding and inquiring and finding....
this is what i came up with:
Alright.. hold up homies.. before i get knee deep in this.. and start getting hate mail.. i obviously realize that there are in fact, exceptions to every rule.. if you find them.. send em my way. If you feel like you ARE the exception.. you have a big case of 'i think i'm awesome syndrome'... or you think you're tight. Which is fine... but no. you can not nominate yourself.
alright. covered all my bases? good.
Ex-Brown-baggers: People that used to be fuggs (freakin ugly) and are now hot.
I want to marry a late bloomer. They're the best people in society. ok i lied.. they can go one of two ways..
for better...
They miss the whole 'think you're super hot and get super annoying in high school' phase... they most definitely value things about themselves waaaay more than their looks.. they've taken the time to develop an actual brain and opinion about things in the world.. so most of the time they're either smart.. or funny.. or both. And they either a) don't know their hot yet.. or b) they've figured it out.. but when you tell them.. they receive it as a genuine complement.. other than the 'well duh' look. When you get the 'for better' side of the late bloomer.. they've been over looked in the tool draft and come out on top.
This is one of the reasons that you see 10's with 5's... one of the two either doesn't realize how hot they are... contributed to their late-bloomer-syndrome.. and/or they haven't had the shallowness branded into their brains their whole life.. so they value other things more than pure physical attraction.
for worse...
while there's nothing better than a 'better bloomer'... a 'worse' bloomer..? yuck. there's rarely anything that can top the annoyingness.
People that used to be fuggs.. that all of the sudden realize they're hot.. and realize the power that comes with being hot...that literally CANT SHUT UP about how hot they are... wooooof.
These lovely people have comebacks like...'but they're not even HOT!'.. and 'yaaa but you're waaayyy hotter than they are.. duh! so like.. you win anyway.' These are the people that missed the 'play the field years' in high school and/or early college years... they missed the 'prime douchery memories and stats'.. and are DETERMINED to make up for lost time. They often times act juvenile... in EVERYTHING THEY DO. They party hard LONG after everyone else grows out of it.. they play more games in relationships because 'they just aren't sure if the person they're dating understands the value of the person in front of them'..
These people wont date.. or slay.. anything less than a 9 at worst. They feel like they deserve ONLY 10's as far as looks go cuz uh 'duh.. they're hot now'. They most of the time will end up with a bimbo whose brains are in.. some form of lump on their body..(biceps..abs..or if they're a chick.. other..lady.. lumps..) Or... nah. they pretty much end up with someone who definitely has the physical attraction going for them.. don't get me wrong.. they end up with hotties... but usually these people have nothing else going for them... the conversations with them are like talking to a brick wall.
The exception..
Sometimes ex-fuggzies (late bloomers) are and end up with regular people.. don't follow a formula.. and go through life happily as though they had bloomed at an earlier age.. or never at all.
Ex-grocery-baggers: People that used to be fat.. (in a dude's case scrawny would apply here also) that are now skinny.. (or shredded)... yes i realize this is just an extension.. for chicks its pretty much the same... for dudes.. it makes a specialty group.. of even more gaggy people.
Normal people that have made the switch.. joined a gym.. given up chocolate cake.. or recently had lipo.. act.. normal. go figure. Nothing really changes except.. they look different. yay. good for them. have a cookie.
Worse than worse...
The dudes that all the sudden have become shredded? CAN'T SHUT UP about their diet and work out... they constantly watch what others eat around them.. and literally will NOT shut up about how blah blah blah happened.. and then they got shredded and it fixed everything. All they wanna talk about is the gym... These are usually the dudes you see... standing in front of the mirror at golds.. with a cut off shirt that barely covers their nipples.. making out with their biceps. These guys usually make the biggest tools you can find. (all of the above assumptions about ex-fuggs-a-puggs applies here as well..)
The chicks that have made the transition.. for worse..? Usually dress in the skimpy clothes they 'missed out' on wearing before.. and they abandon all of their other qualities to act retarded. They actually TRY and be stupider than they are because they've seen all the other chicks their whole lives get guys with the laugh and flip.. bend and snap.. mentality.
Once again.. the exception? .. sometimes people that fall in this category are completely normal.. but those are no fun to talk about.
Ex-beauty-queens: People that used to be attractive.. that have seriously gone down hill.
For better:
They're fine.. they settle into the middle numbers and are ok with it. alright.. ya.. its more normal than 'better'.. but still... normal is better than WORSE!
For worse:
its just sad. They become super self-conscious because they get a lot less attention than they used to.. they constantly feel like they have something to prove so they share waaaay more with you about their personal lives than they should..
they find every excuse to tell you how hot they are.. because they want YOU to believe it. They will NOT post an accurate or current picture on Facebook... they live in the glory days.
They often times have a false elitist sense to them... feeling like they're too attractive to date anyone..
Ex-Sweethearts: People that were perfect and normal in relationships until someone ruined them.
For better:
These people have been in bad relationships and are determined to find something quality. They are determined to do whatever it takes to make it work this time. They keep the past in the past and learn from their mistakes.. often times moving on faster because of the heartache they've had to face.
For worse:
These are the people that were normal.. and functioning.. and not douchey.. until some retard messed them up. They often times have trust issues.. cant settle down, or commit to anything... ever.. They often times have one thing in particular that they are INSANE about.. whether it be cheating.. or 'never feeling good enough'... or separation issues..
Whoever messed these perfectly good people up.. should be shot. Because NOW they figure that whatever they did prior.. aka.. the 'nice guy' or 'nice girl' routine.. obviously didn't work.. so they now will become a douche... a jerk.. a homie that will always have the upper hand by caring less. It's just sad sad sad.
Everyone has a past.. recognize it right here and now. as the human race.. we need to be able to laugh at each other's weaknesses and take people with a grain of salt, however, we also need to realize that we have absolutely NOTHING to prove to ANYONE but ourselves.. we don't need to shove ourselves down people's throats for them to realize how great we are.. people are more perceptive that we give them credit for. We don't need to judge people on how they were or looked in high school.. but we also don't need to ACT like we're in high school.
If everyone in the single world could just GROW UP.. even just a little bit.. and realize that we are exactly who we are and someone is going to love us.. for how we are.. not how we pretend to be.. NOT how we tell others we are.
Good for you for winning the lottery.. good for you for changing into someone that you want to be physically.. or mentally.. or spiritually.. or emotionally.
But beauty is far more than skin deep. it's simply a pre-req. get through the door and explore the real beauty about someone... their soul.
We are who we are.. for better.. or worse.
until later..
xoxo
-Callymon
January 13, 2012
.. Three's Company ..
Three is a hard number.
Whether you're Regina George or not.. there will always be one person of the 3 that the other 2 are bound to fight over in some way.
There's always one person cut off of the side walk.. forced to walk behind and chime into the conversation when they feel it necessary.. the one constantly deriving tactics to cut one of the other 2 out of the coveted spot next to anything other than the lonely tree and plants that keep whacking them in the face while they practically eves drop on their friends in front of them.
There's one person in shot gun.. one person driving.. and one left in the back.. The person that's forced to loosen the middle seatbelt enough so they can awkwardly lean forward just enough to get in on the pointless pictures and creation of inside jokes that will be later posted on Facebook to prove all of them are friends and doing things with their lives... like driving around.
There's always someone that gets left out... someone that gets hurt... someone that's made feel uncomfortable.. and someone claiming the roll of superiority over the other 2, caught in the middle of the awkward love triangle they've formed.
I'm convinced that this observation was taken into account when forming the emoticon <3. that less than 3 = love.
When it comes to love, the world is doing everything they can to keep happy healthy relationships from forming and lasting by using this tactic of imbalance to its advantage.
A relationship always consists of 3 driving factors...
the woman with trust issues claiming she's not like most girls.. begging for security in a man she's praying isn't like the other douche bags she's dated...
The insecure jealous man... claiming he's neither.. begging for a non dramatic, yet vulnerable girl needing masculine tasks performed to make him feel needed, with eyes for no one but him..
and the 3rd party out there in the world.. trying to ruin everything.
Love is hard enough without having to prove yourself and compete for the attention of your man or woman, yet you can't find a relationship out there without one or more of the following:
1. a crazy ex trying to weasel their way into any part of the relationship they can manage..
2. a past discrepancy from a previous relationship that gave you all your "trust issues" and "walls" that you of course bring into your current situation that has nothing to do with the old douche bag you broke up with cuz uh.. duh.. he was a douche.
3. one set (or both sets) of friends wanting a wing man/woman that's NOT in a relationship, thus filling your head with the single sugarplum fairy.
4. or the rest of everyone else that you decide to bring into your relationship by telling them every detail, involving them in every decision.. and recruiting them for your army to take your side in every argument that they have no part of.
The thing about love is that it's more universal than we all seem to think. No matter how much you hate it when someone claims that they've been in your shoes and they know exactly how you feel... chances are.. they do. Until we all reach the point where we're happily married, we're either the dumpee.. the dumper.. the one that got a way.. or the one chasing the one that got away.. we either HAVE a crazy ex.. or we ARE the crazy ex. At one point or another in our lives, we get to experience it all, making each position more easily understood.
You break up with someone.. all is fine.. and then all the sudden they get in a relationship and its like Defcon 1!! All the sudden.. you are NOT ok. Understandable. You don't want this option to be forever checked off your list... there's no way that you want THEM happy before YOU'RE happy! it freaks you out to have something that you've had in your life for so long all the sudden slip through your fingers... so. you want to at least keep in contact with them.. you're just being friendly and cordial... you can TOTALLY be friends even if they're in a relationship... you just want them to know that you're fine with it.. you don't want them to think this changes anything....... Stop it right there you sneaky little son of a duck. You know what you're doing.. even if its buried somewhere in your subconscious. Consider the other side of the color wheel while you're pushing the green green green on them... they are filled with RED RED RED!!
When you're on the other side of things and you're trying to form a new and lasting relationship.. but one of your ex's keeps weaseling.. It ruins everything. Your current boyfriend or girlfriend (or even potential gf or bf) shouldn't have to compete with your ex for anything!
No matter the side of the spectrum you're coming from... the rule with ex's is.. as soon as you break up.. and want to move on... they are your EX. you sever ties.. you move past.. move on... or friggin get back together. you don't keep them at arms length.. you don't keep them around.. cuz as long as they're around they scare any sort of potential relationship that could happen away! If they occupy your heart and your mind at all, you have put your current relationship in a boxing ring with a ghost... in a situation they can't win.
A relationship is meant for 2 not 3... change your focus to your current situation. you don't 'owe' your ex anything. you can be cordial when seeing them, but the fact of the matter is, you have to eventually choose who you want to sit shotgun.. who you want to be walking next to on the sidewalk.. you have to decide who's feelings matter more to you NOW. if it's your ex.. then get back together with your ex and save the poor sucker loving you the heartache. If its who you're with.. go figure.. let the ex BE the ex. they'll understand someday when they have a crazy ex trying to screw with them.
When it comes to past relationships that have messed you up... once again, i know we all like to feel super special.. like our situation was more damaging than another... but in all reality.. we ALL have relationship baggage! we ALL have some sort of trust issues and cheating issues and attention issues and jealousy issues.. the right.. and ONLY thing to do.. is to leave them IN. THE. PAST! Not all guys are the same... not all girls are the same...
and if another one ends up hurting you like the last one, have you died thus far? nope. i promise you'll be ok! You owe it to every relationship you're in to give it 100%.. don't walk into it not trusting them.. don't walk into it waiting for them to break your heart or cheat on you or make you feel insecure.. cuz 3 is a HARD number.. and no one wants to compete with the crazy ghost that you've created.. no one wants to have to break through concrete thick walls to even stand a chance. If you go in white flag drawn.. yes. you might get shot... but this video game of love gives you as many lives as you need until you get it right! Don't go in guns hot.. or you'll make a lot more war than love.
When it comes to friends.. tell them to back off.. shoot the single sugarplum fairy.. they'll understand your happiness as soon as they're on the other side.. in a relationship that people are trying to destroy.
and finally... don't add the world. a relationship is meant for 2... NOT 3.. NOT 5,785,495,454. Everyone is going to have an opinion. EVERYONE is going to give you more ideas that conflict with one another about how you or your partner is doing something WRONG. People thrive on drama.. why do you think reality tv is such a hit? People like to stir the pot... keep them out of your stew! They're bound to ruin things.. or at least make things a lot harder than they need to be. make your business YOUR business..
Give the relationship your in your full attention.. give it the shot it deserves! Keep the rest of everyone out of it, and you'll figure it out. 3 is a hard number... less than 3 = love. <3
Until Later!
xoxo
-Callymon
Whether you're Regina George or not.. there will always be one person of the 3 that the other 2 are bound to fight over in some way.
There's always one person cut off of the side walk.. forced to walk behind and chime into the conversation when they feel it necessary.. the one constantly deriving tactics to cut one of the other 2 out of the coveted spot next to anything other than the lonely tree and plants that keep whacking them in the face while they practically eves drop on their friends in front of them.
There's one person in shot gun.. one person driving.. and one left in the back.. The person that's forced to loosen the middle seatbelt enough so they can awkwardly lean forward just enough to get in on the pointless pictures and creation of inside jokes that will be later posted on Facebook to prove all of them are friends and doing things with their lives... like driving around.
There's always someone that gets left out... someone that gets hurt... someone that's made feel uncomfortable.. and someone claiming the roll of superiority over the other 2, caught in the middle of the awkward love triangle they've formed.
I'm convinced that this observation was taken into account when forming the emoticon <3. that less than 3 = love.
When it comes to love, the world is doing everything they can to keep happy healthy relationships from forming and lasting by using this tactic of imbalance to its advantage.
A relationship always consists of 3 driving factors...
the woman with trust issues claiming she's not like most girls.. begging for security in a man she's praying isn't like the other douche bags she's dated...
The insecure jealous man... claiming he's neither.. begging for a non dramatic, yet vulnerable girl needing masculine tasks performed to make him feel needed, with eyes for no one but him..
and the 3rd party out there in the world.. trying to ruin everything.
Love is hard enough without having to prove yourself and compete for the attention of your man or woman, yet you can't find a relationship out there without one or more of the following:
1. a crazy ex trying to weasel their way into any part of the relationship they can manage..
2. a past discrepancy from a previous relationship that gave you all your "trust issues" and "walls" that you of course bring into your current situation that has nothing to do with the old douche bag you broke up with cuz uh.. duh.. he was a douche.
3. one set (or both sets) of friends wanting a wing man/woman that's NOT in a relationship, thus filling your head with the single sugarplum fairy.
4. or the rest of everyone else that you decide to bring into your relationship by telling them every detail, involving them in every decision.. and recruiting them for your army to take your side in every argument that they have no part of.
The thing about love is that it's more universal than we all seem to think. No matter how much you hate it when someone claims that they've been in your shoes and they know exactly how you feel... chances are.. they do. Until we all reach the point where we're happily married, we're either the dumpee.. the dumper.. the one that got a way.. or the one chasing the one that got away.. we either HAVE a crazy ex.. or we ARE the crazy ex. At one point or another in our lives, we get to experience it all, making each position more easily understood.
You break up with someone.. all is fine.. and then all the sudden they get in a relationship and its like Defcon 1!! All the sudden.. you are NOT ok. Understandable. You don't want this option to be forever checked off your list... there's no way that you want THEM happy before YOU'RE happy! it freaks you out to have something that you've had in your life for so long all the sudden slip through your fingers... so. you want to at least keep in contact with them.. you're just being friendly and cordial... you can TOTALLY be friends even if they're in a relationship... you just want them to know that you're fine with it.. you don't want them to think this changes anything....... Stop it right there you sneaky little son of a duck. You know what you're doing.. even if its buried somewhere in your subconscious. Consider the other side of the color wheel while you're pushing the green green green on them... they are filled with RED RED RED!!
When you're on the other side of things and you're trying to form a new and lasting relationship.. but one of your ex's keeps weaseling.. It ruins everything. Your current boyfriend or girlfriend (or even potential gf or bf) shouldn't have to compete with your ex for anything!
No matter the side of the spectrum you're coming from... the rule with ex's is.. as soon as you break up.. and want to move on... they are your EX. you sever ties.. you move past.. move on... or friggin get back together. you don't keep them at arms length.. you don't keep them around.. cuz as long as they're around they scare any sort of potential relationship that could happen away! If they occupy your heart and your mind at all, you have put your current relationship in a boxing ring with a ghost... in a situation they can't win.
A relationship is meant for 2 not 3... change your focus to your current situation. you don't 'owe' your ex anything. you can be cordial when seeing them, but the fact of the matter is, you have to eventually choose who you want to sit shotgun.. who you want to be walking next to on the sidewalk.. you have to decide who's feelings matter more to you NOW. if it's your ex.. then get back together with your ex and save the poor sucker loving you the heartache. If its who you're with.. go figure.. let the ex BE the ex. they'll understand someday when they have a crazy ex trying to screw with them.
When it comes to past relationships that have messed you up... once again, i know we all like to feel super special.. like our situation was more damaging than another... but in all reality.. we ALL have relationship baggage! we ALL have some sort of trust issues and cheating issues and attention issues and jealousy issues.. the right.. and ONLY thing to do.. is to leave them IN. THE. PAST! Not all guys are the same... not all girls are the same...
and if another one ends up hurting you like the last one, have you died thus far? nope. i promise you'll be ok! You owe it to every relationship you're in to give it 100%.. don't walk into it not trusting them.. don't walk into it waiting for them to break your heart or cheat on you or make you feel insecure.. cuz 3 is a HARD number.. and no one wants to compete with the crazy ghost that you've created.. no one wants to have to break through concrete thick walls to even stand a chance. If you go in white flag drawn.. yes. you might get shot... but this video game of love gives you as many lives as you need until you get it right! Don't go in guns hot.. or you'll make a lot more war than love.
When it comes to friends.. tell them to back off.. shoot the single sugarplum fairy.. they'll understand your happiness as soon as they're on the other side.. in a relationship that people are trying to destroy.
and finally... don't add the world. a relationship is meant for 2... NOT 3.. NOT 5,785,495,454. Everyone is going to have an opinion. EVERYONE is going to give you more ideas that conflict with one another about how you or your partner is doing something WRONG. People thrive on drama.. why do you think reality tv is such a hit? People like to stir the pot... keep them out of your stew! They're bound to ruin things.. or at least make things a lot harder than they need to be. make your business YOUR business..
Give the relationship your in your full attention.. give it the shot it deserves! Keep the rest of everyone out of it, and you'll figure it out. 3 is a hard number... less than 3 = love. <3
Until Later!
xoxo
-Callymon
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