Battle Scars..

Love is a very interesting thing.
We often times walk through fire to gain scars that we can later reflect on for strength.. Our battle scars.
We say things we don't mean and don't say things we wish we would've in times of pain.. and being unable to predict the outcome of any situation, or the thoughts of another.. many times we choose wrong paths, take wrong turns, and find ourselves searching for heros and lighthouses to lead us back to ourselves.
We choose professions and dreams as barely grown children to change them again and again.. as we grow into ourselves and our own purposes.
We love people.. we hurt people.. and in turn suffer the same consequences of the cycle of love.
We try and control the speed of our existence when one thing remains universally constant and consistent: Time.
Just because we sit down on an escalator doesn't mean it stops moving. Just because we don't want to grow up doesn't mean we won't continue to grow old. I read a quote somewhere that said if we did everything that people say will make us live longer... and avoided the things which could potentially shorten our lives a few years... if we walk on egg shells and avoid all danger signs... we wont be living the years that we've been trying to preserve. Ya, maybe we'll live to be 112... lying in a bed... with a blank storybook of a life. We'll have nothing to pass on to our next generations, looking to learn from our mistakes and repeat our adventures.
I believe if we don't learn from the bad in our lives and the lives of those around us.. that we're doing just that.. we're sitting down on our escalator.. we're forfeiting our playing jersey for this tricky game of life and love.

It is said that when an elderly person dies, an entire library burns to the ground. That the life and experiences they've collected, the wisdom they've gained, and the love they shared and felt, will never again have an exact match. Each a unique snowflake of a person, melting one by one, forfeiting their unique design to the life after.
Molly Aggleby is no exception.
Now before i get shot, let me clear something up.... Molly hasn't left us yet, nor does she plan to until she's ready. But the wisdom of this woman, and the stories that lie in the wrinkles of her heart are too precious to let burn to the ground in any future.
Molly lives next door to my grandma and has become an avid reader of 'The Blog You Wish Your Boyfriend Read'.. and along with the stories of the broken hearted.. Molly rang me up to share her library of love with the readers that humor her favorite 21 year old. She wanted her drama, heart break, and happy ending documented before she could no longer remember the stories that turned her hair grey one by one and made her the woman she is today.

Molly put her good faith in me and made me swear over her freshly brewed lemonade and cookies in her plush living room full of memories that i would get this right.

"There's always a calm before a storm.. and always a sigh after one.." she began. "You think you're at the end of your wits and at the full capacity of emotion.. and then burdens are lifted, and sanity appears.."

You see, life's a tricky thing. It tries to see what we're made of at all times, testing us and pushing us to go farther and farther until it sees that we're close to breaking. Then, and only then, at the lowest of lows does it usher in our saviors. Then does life let us taste the good that we've waited through the bad for.

They say that when you live your life the way it was meant to be lived, that you should have no regrets looking back.. Well. in each of Molly's scars she held a regret. Not something she would necessarily change now.. but things that have plagued her mind and heart for years on end. Forgive the brevity of the stories, for she had many..

Molly had a boy at one time in her life, Martin, that she would've given the world to if she could've... she loved and bled for Martin until it almost drove her clinically mad.
Martin was Molly's first love. Her first regret. And her first lesson for my readers.

Even at her ripe age of 83 you can tell that Molly was a grade A dime in her day. She had many boys coming after her heart, but her eyes never saw anyone else. Martin promised her forever.
After giving her heart to Martin for 6 months she decided that she LOVE loved him more than in the way that other 16 year olds loved their boyfriends. Martin went away one weekend, and when he returned she planned on telling him. On his return, Martin confessed that he had cheated on her with her best friend and that they were in love.
Molly then got the first taste of real darkness that she had ever had. At the time she regretted not opening her eyes to the possibility of reality around her while she was lost in her love trance, and had held on to that grudge and hardship through her next relationship. She later.. much later.. realized that this was all a blessing in disguise. When Martin and her ex-best friend got married and divorced, Martin remarrying 3 times, she giggled at her sweet karma and wished him well.

Her lesson for me.. for us.. is that.. things happen.. that are supposed to happen. At the time, they seem like the end of the world as you know it. But someday, you'll look back and giggle with relief that you dodged bullets and got healthy scars to prove you fought hard for your happy ending.

Her second love brought a very different lesson, and a very different regret.
She knew she loved John the second date they went on. Through their deep conversations it became very apparent that saying 'i love you' was just about the biggest deal in the world to John. That he planned on saying it to very few girls in his life. Through out their relationship of a year, John was very back and forth with his feelings. Molly was as patient as she could be and let him run his course. Around 5 months into it, when she felt like she would be lying if she didn't tell him exactly how she felt, she went to him, and told him that she loved him. He said it back hesitantly and she knew he didn't mean it. She immediately asked him to take it back and told him to forget it.. that their love would eventually grow and she was just lost in the moment when she babbled out her forbidden words.
At 8 months they ended their back and forth and decided that they should be friends, because in love they had given it enough time and it didn't feel right.
At 11 months, Molly was facing a serious emotional crisis and went to the aid of her best friend John. While he comforted her through it, and discussed her right out of her misery, she was happy to be with him. As she turned to leave her friend he said, "Ok, well, i love you".
In a family where you didn't walk out the front door, hang up the telephone, or finish a letter without those ritualistic 3 words, she was sure that it had to be a mistake out of habit. that it had just slipped out. His family was the same as hers, he must be dreading saying it and embarrassed. So she ignored it and game him a hug.
"I love you a lot you know" he said again.
Half lost in confusion, and half trying to quickly melt the hard shell she had built around her heart from her first rejection, she convinced herself that again, he meant it as a friend.
She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to be the fool. so she waited.
"I hope you know how much i care about you molly, i know i don't show it as often as i should.." he said with desperate hope.. or pain?.. in his eyes.
"no, i know.. lo-love you too John" she said with a half hearted hug as she scurried off, not sure of what to think.
Left in this stupor, unaware of his intentions of this reckless confession.. she brushed it aside. Positive that it was an accident that he was too embarrassed to correct.
They didn't talk for several weeks, and he started dating another girl. A few months later, they were engaged.
The one mistake that Molly made in their entire relationship, would forever haunt her memory and her conscience. She loved him back, he had to of known that she loved him back, yet, in a moment that she was engulfed in her own fear of previous rejection, still holding on to pain she hadn't forgiven, she lost the man she loved.

Her lesson to us all.. was that love is nothing to be tampered with. At any time.. in any moment or fraction of a second, someone could change their mind and their heart. There are no accidents when it comes to emotion and instinct, and any time you feel them and leave them unspoken you're depriving yourself of possibilities. The fear of rejection and the pain we all hold so dear in our hearts, that we're determined to never let go of, are molehills that keep us from mountains. Never live a day that holds the possibility of creating a ghost that will forever haunt your mind, especially when it comes to love.
For if they do not love you back, you will surely get over it. But if you are ever left wondering- you never will. You owe it to yourself to always love as deeply as your heart desires you to.

Only then, when Molly was mourning her lost sanity, in the fetal position of love, did she find what she was looking for. Only then did life explain her fate to her..

For then she met George.
As this blog comes to a close Molly leaves us with a final lesson... That when it comes to love, we should leave no regrets, and never give in to our own heart ache and fears. That we should truly believe in the fairy tale happy ending and be willing to snatch up a pen and write it ourselves. Molly and George were married 54 years before he left her. And he gave her enough love and memories in those 54 years to last her until the end of her days. George came when she thought she would most likely die alone. That there was no one in the world that she would love more than Martin.. and more than John. George came and swept her off her feet when she had given up on love, and he made her realize that her scars made her compassionate. Her open eyes gave her understanding when people make mistakes that nobody is perfect. Nobody is exempt from reality. Her John gave her the wisdom to never let a day pass that she didn't express the love she felt for those around her. And her George picked up all her pieces and made them into a wonderful masterpiece.

The passing of time is inevitable. However your life is yours for the writing. Don't waste one page, fill each of them with adventures and heart ache. Get as many scars as you can so that when you find your George or Molly, they'll know that you fought hard for them.

Until later..
xoxo
- Callymon