Every date we go on... every new potential lover we meet.. every crazy friend with a crazy set up idea you know you're gonna be forced to go on at the end of the day... all wanna know one question..
"so... what are you looking for in the opposite sex?"
To this question we have many answers.. all of which we believe to be true.
If you're talking to your best friend from high school that you, side by side filled the shallower end of your roster with . your answer usually goes something like... attractive.. sexy.. ryan gosling-like.. hot friends.. has swag.. drives a range rover.. all that good stuff.
When talking to someone on a date.. if you like them.. or could see yourself liking them.. your answers usually cater to their physical appearance.. occupation.. and what you know about their thoughts and feelings on things.
"weird... that's what you're looking for? well honey.. here i am!!!"
we all wanna be loved.. our brain takes the easier route by telling ourselves.. and the person we're with that.. "we must be DESTINED to be together! look at that.. you have EVERYTHING i'm looking for!"
If you're on a date with someone that has turned sour.. or that you never want to go out with again... you make your list IMPOSSIBLE to meet.
"oh ya know... some form of professional athlete.. in the peace core.. loves back packing.. has his massage therapist license... in culinary school.. loves to clean.. is a professional nanny in his spare time.. single handedly solved world hunger.. just simple things like that.... "
If you're on the rebound.. you want someone to make you feel less lonely.. more important.
If you're not even close to wanting to talk about marriage.. or avoiding it like the plague.. you're just looking for someone you can have a good time with..
We ask... we get asked... and we answer. But when no one else is watching... no one is asking.. and you finally realize that it's not who has the most impressive.. or hardest list to meet.. it's not a competition to see who can be the hardest person to be with.. When we sit down on a thursday night with the lights off.. alone.. contemplating the wonders of the universe and actually ask ourselves... what am i looking for in someone? How do we answer the only person that matters and the only person we can't lie to? What gets added to our list then? what gets removed??
I've said before that everyone that you date has a purpose at that given time in your life... but is that enough?
We're at the point in our lives that we're supposed to choose someone that we can spend the rest of forever with... how on EARTH are we supposed to make THAT decision?!
My friend Candice is one of those self-sabotaging types. She doesn't like to let herself be happy.. because she doesnt' want to get comfortable in something or someone that wont last.
Happiness is a scary word to her.
What if love is blind? What if her loneliness makes her make decisions that will matter more in the future than they do at the time she makes them? What if she mistakes substance for love?
On my couch a couple nights ago.. candice started venting about her current situation:
Candice loved this boy named Chris for almost 2 years. He was perfect on paper.. with her parents.. they liked to have the same kind of fun.. could talk about anything spiritual without having that uncomfortable 'dont wanna offend someone' vibe.. He fit perfectly into her life.
But. when the 'non-stagnant-relationship-movement' (see previous blog) took its toll on their relationship.. he decided that he no longer wanted to be with candice. That he loved her.. but forever was a long time.. and there were things (that he wouldn't mention) that he just couldn't live with forever.
As you can imagine.. Candice was crushed. She made the vow that many girls do... to never get hurt like that again.. and by doing so took herself out of the dating game for almost a full year.
Now... a couple months ago.. hot little candice decided to grace us all with her presence.. and boyyyyyyy was she on fiiiireeeeee.
For 3 1/2 weeks she was on a date with a different guy every single night. (i mean really? who goes out on a tuesday?.. oh ya.. candice.) It was disgusting how dialed in she was! Then one day.. she decided that she wanted something more stable than that. She wanted a boyfriend.
So.. she picked one of the boys she had gone out with and decided that he was now gonna be her boyfriend. (if only life were that easy for everyone... haaate her.)
John... the lucky winner of Candice's attention and love for the moment.. and Candice started hanging out more and more.. going out more and more.. Candice would turn down other date options.. and john kept asking. It was exactly how she had imagined it. The all dreaded loneliness that girls stay up late and cry about with their friends while snuggling in bed together.. was gone. The void.. filled. Everything was going great.
Now. we get to a couple nights ago on my couch...
Before Candice realized it... 5 months had gone by. Were they fun? absolutely! Was she lonely? Not at all. Was john the perfect date? over and over again.
But when you live in a state where everyone thinks the ship is goin down and you gotta grab someone and get off... marriage is bound to cross your mind after that long.. or at least get brought up in every single conversation you have - casual or not.
Candice said they hadn't even become official yet but it was right around the corner and she was gonna need to make some decisions in the next little bit about actually wanting to be with john or not..
Could she see herself marrying him? It wasn't even about that when they started hanging out! She couldn't even answer that question..
She was lonely.. he was there. and not just there... he was wonderful! But marriage? forever? Thats a long - A time! It wasn't that he was a filler... but he was doing just that.. occupying her mind and her heart... wasn't that enough for right now?
So. I calmed her down... put another scoop of creme brule ice cream in her now blabbering mouth.. and asked her the question....
What are you looking for in the man of your dreams? What are you looking for in your happily ever after? What does your future require for you to be constantly happy? Can john give you those things?
our once list of.. 'sexy abs' and 'man handling capabilities' all the sudden took a different turn.
We became CSI relationship.. dissecting every possibility and need for each others futures.
How did we want our children to be raised? How did John grow up? Would he understand the same things that Candice had been raised on?
What would happen when they fought? was this lonely void that he filled enough to keep them going when they hated each other?
Were the things that were important to Candice important to John?
Then we got to the next layer...
If the answer to any of these questions was no... did that mean that they needed to break up? Was there a time line she needed to follow before worrying about leading him on too much about forever?
People date for a long time... but isn't the ultimate goal marriage? and if she didn't see it going there now... would she? was she just scared? did she have any reason to break up with him?
What do you do when you feel like its give or let go but there's no reason to do either? When you feel like the pressure is on to make 'smart relationship decisions' but you don't feel like you're in an adequate place to make ANY decisions?
At what point can you not get away with 'just going with it'?
Let me give you the same advice i gave her...
You're the only one that truly knows yourself. People can live around you.. observe you.. and claim to know you.. but none of them are you.
Because you know yourself so well... subconsciously you would never let yourself get in a situation that would sacrifice your happiness. You date people that you're attracted to..
Yes we all go through 'phases' of crazy rock star boyfriends and guys that we don't see ourselves with past next tuesday... but we also recognize them as phases... even if we claim we could spend forever with them.. we know what’s up.
People that we actually date and actually love... the ones that make us throw our lists out the window.. are the ones that matter. if they don't meet 'future president' or 'cardiologist with a summer home in france' mold.. don't kick em to the curb quite yet.
Think of the list that is deeeeep inside you... not the one you want your mom to be impressed by... not the one that you've compiled with your friends on their couches late at night..
YOU are the only one that has to live with YOUR ending..
YOU are the one that marries the love of YOUR life.. so YOU have to follow your own heart.
If you are yourself with someone.. they accept you for you.. and you are having a great time... ride the wave that you've been given. With your own future comes your own time line.. no matter where you live.. or who's pushing what fate on you.
You're allowed to call your own shots.
Love is a 6th sense.
It will never lead you astray. You need to learn to trust your own instincts that have brought you into the relationship you find yourself in. Something about it was attractive to YOUR heart and subconsciously to YOUR future.. don't let what others think interfere or make you go into a panic mode full of time-lines and agendas.
Allow yourself to be happy. Not everything lasts forever.. and thats ok!! because someday.. something will! you don't need to worry about today being that someday!
And finally... don't date people that you couldn't marry.. If you have a list of what's truly important to you.. and they don't meet those points... don't start.
If they're missing the dumb stuff.. you aren't perfect and your list could change.. but never drop your priorities in love and your future for a weak or rebellious moment. It's as simple as that. there are a lot of people in the world.. its just as easy to fall in love with the right kind of person as the wrong kind of person.
If you feel like you're picking between love and eternal happiness... uh. you're retarded. if it doesn't make you happy.. its not love. and if it does.. and you're still questioning it.. maybe you're putting too much emphasis on the wrong things.. maybe you're too caught up in the rehearsed list you've given for so long. Or maybe you're filling a lonely void that you need to be ok with letting go.
Get back to listening to yourself. Follow the 6th sense that you've been given..
Follow your heart.. you're bound to have an adventure.. and your own kind of happy ending.
Until Later!
xoxo
-Callymon
Girl girl girl. Go get that 'future president' or 'cardiologist with a summer home in france' or 'successful business man'!!!! You deserve it! Be happy and go after your dreams!
ReplyDeleteRaise yourself up to a new level and go after those men like that. Don't lower yourself and justify it.. worse yet by not even trying.
You are good enough!!
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ReplyDeleteI am all about having a positive attitude. Michelle's comment really felt like a wake up call. I really do think we all have the ability to raise ourselves up to new levels in all areas. Of course we are good enough! We can do this!
ReplyDeleteLet's admit it girls a lot of time we get our selves "into a relationship" and once that goes out into the Facebook world, we spend most of our time trying to justify why we are "in a relationship" with whatever guy we happen to be Facebook relationship with, while at the same time trying to convince ourselves why the other guys we really would like to have date us aren't who we want. It's like Facebook puts a magical spell on use that make us lose our common sense. And we hate to look so fickle and break it off so fast especially if we recently just got into a relationship in a moment of emotional chaos or override.
It's like a game of trying to convince ourselves we are with the guy that we really feel like will take us to new heights just because we are on Facebook with them.
I felt this way and once I realized what I was doing I started to see the overwhelming positive in the other guys I really would have liked to date but now I feel trapped in this box. I could feel myself trying to conform to a guy that I knew wasn't the best for my future. Yeah he's nice and cute but deep down I have this feeling there is something else I'm missing and need to find in others I was interested in or at least they had shown interest in me. I'm not sure what to do… Any ideas?
Is there a relationship status on Facebook or "I'm not totally sure about this but I'm in a relationship for some reason?"
I'm encouraged now to make some improvements in my life and attitude and GET WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. This girl is starting now! :-) <3
xoxo
Just Jamie,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say a quick word i can relate to how you are feeling. there is always that doubt and uncertainty. i felt the same way. i had been hanging out with this guy for a pretty long time and we just somehow eventually got "into a relationship". you are right it does something to us where now that we see that externalized on facebook that says you are "in a relationship" with such and such we definatly work to "play the part" and can only see the positive in them while trying to convince ourselves that others are not good becuse of this little thing or that little thing or he said this or that. i know what you mean. in my case i had this feeling the whole time that kept nagging at me. there were guys in the past that had been going after me and i really didn't give them the time of day. i got to know this guy i was "in a relationshiop" with well becuase i spent a lot of time with him. but then i thought what would happen if i actually gave some of the other guys that much time to be with and hang out. what would i think about them then? and don't get me wrong callymon says if you aren't interested why even go out on a date with someone you KNOW you don't like. that's true. but with me i had a few guys that i had found myselft sortof liking but just never gave them near as much time to be with and do things with as the guy i slipped into a relationship with. i decieded to really know and what ended up happening is i calmed things down with this guy i was dating and really wanted to know about these other two guys that i had no even given the time of day. i'm so glad i did. i was thinking he was this boring stiff but when we were together and i saw him outside of certain activities he was just to oppposite. exciting, fun, funny, charming. something i would never have picked up on had i not given it a chance. one of the guys i ended up getting engaged to was so much BETTER than i thought and we clicked so well. it happened when we decided to go on the second or third date and we really got to see each other for who they were. that small nagging feeling of doubt i had while 'in a relationship' really was trying to tell me something and so i said to myself i NEED to know. when Brandon asked me to marry him i wondered what would have happened if i didn't actually give him the time of day. life is really funny like that. you never know what will happen. anyway i just wanted to share that with you becuase i know where you are coming from and i know some girls will have the same experience i did. i guess my thing is 'if there is a doubt, figure it out!' go find out. give them the same chance and time you gave the other guy. who you spend your time with is really important.
HEY THIS IS BRANDON. I LOVE BECKY!!!! BECKY BECKY BECKY IS TOO HOT TO TROT!!! OKAY SHE SAID I'M DONE. BYE.
all the best jaime things will come together just give the right people the right chances and time.
--becky
Becky,
ReplyDeleteThank you for replying. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. I have a lot of questions for you but for now I'm curious... Did Brandon ask you out before? He was interested in you but you never pursued it or gave him the time is what I am understanding? So how did you get out of the relationship with the guy you were "in a relationship with"? How did you signal to Brandon you were interested?
Most guys once they see a girl is "in a relationship" won't pursue the girl anymore other than just saying a quick hi or small talk.
Really curious,
JJ
hAhah also how do we get into these "in a relationships" situations anyway? Sometimes I wonder girls. :-) <3
ReplyDeleteThanks,
jj
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ReplyDeleteJamie,
ReplyDeletejust to quickly answer you last question. oh it's soooo easy to go down a path that leads to "in a relationship" with such and such guy. Generally here is what happens. not everyone will be "exactly" like this but in a general sense here is what happens.
first you're hanging out with a guy. you keep hanging out. you might go do somethings with them. you start to get "comfortable" around them. once you're comfortable around them you find you're hangning out more and more. then you start thinking to yourself "wow we are spending alot of time together. this must mean somthing" not only that but you also have family and friends telling you "he such a great guy and you guys get along yada yada yada" So basically you and the people around you are helping convince yourself that this is a guy and you should give it a try with him. So eventually other steps are taken... he meets the parents... it goes just fine. they don't seem to have a problem with him. more time hanging out. more time doing things together and then bam... you do the facebook "in a relationship" thing. Then you've really convinced yourself. Of course you try to convince yourself. You don't want to be wrong! Not only that he's attractive in ways.. obviously this is "meant to be". well.... not so fast... You've got to see what you are doing. Then I was all about convincing myself he is "the one" and then talking bad about the "other" guys. Even to the "boyfriend." That is generally what happens. all the while I was keeping an eye on Brandon here and there. I noticed that he had really made something of himself and I wondered why in the world I never took him up on the offer to go on a date. as i thought about it the reason why didn't make much sense now. I also realized that if I was to give Brandon even just half the time I spent with this guy I was "in a relationship" with then I would probably like him and maybe even more. it's just that I NEVER gave him a chance at all. I just saw him in more formal situations but once I eventually gave him his time and we started doing things together all of a sudden i saw in him things I never saw before. He wasn't a boring stiff that always wanted to walk a straight line. He was actually really amazing, fun, and funny. I also was thinking he would never be flirty enough with me. I was wrong. never judge a man in formal situations until you've seen him joke around and be himself day to day. You'll be surpirsed what you find out. He was so charming and fun. He also had a lot of great things going for him in life. He was always postive to people around him. I'm ebarrassed to say I even probably said some things about Brandon when i wasnt thinking right. you do that when you are "dating" another person and you want to think that the person you never gave a chance to isn't what you want anyway. It's our way of trying to make emotional sense of things. but Brandon being the mature amazing man he is didn't hold that against me at all.
give the right people the right chance and time.. then you'll KNOW.
--Becky
Hi Becky,
ReplyDeleteYou're right. That is in a general way what happened to me. I didn't feel "totally" and "without uncertainty" about this guy before I just jumped into the facebook relationship but I was able to convince myself to do it by the things you talked about. It was actually a decision really soon after some things had happened. The thing I'm still trying to figure out is how did you resolve all of it?
I have a "Brandon" in my life that I wonder what would have happened if I had actually gone on a date with him or as you say "gave him the same amount of time." I wonder about it more and more.
My "Brandon", like most guys, seems to be going after other girls now that he knows I'm "in a relationship" so I don't really know what to do. I don't blame him either. Why would he come up and try to talk to me if he knows I'm dating someone and especially if my boyfriend is around why would he come up and try to say anything? How did you even begin to hint to him you were still interested in him and how did you explain to your boyfriend you weren't ready to keep the relationship progressing until you figured some things out?
I know all this sounds crazy and it makes it seem like I'm not treating the "boyfriend" right with this. And maybe you are right but at the same time I really want to know if my "brandon" is the right person for me and I haven't given him nearly enough personal time with him to know that.
Thanks again,
Jamie
As I read through these comments the first thing I thought was how crazy you girls are. What are you even talking about?? Then come to think of it I had a friend have this same thing happen. She got into a relationship on facebook with a guy she just wasn't totally feeling right about. Attractive and all but just something didn't sit "totally" right about moving the relationship into new levels like engagement, etc.
ReplyDeleteLadies, let me tell you a little secret that Becky touched on. You know those guys that seem totally like a straight arrow? The ones in those situations (in church or other settings) that are spiritual and come across as maybe even a little boring and "too good"? ----> They are beasts in the sheets. I know. I married one. He physically takes charge like no other ladies. It's sexy. I never imagined it by looking at him in other settings but holy-hotness-take-control-and-man-handle-me ladies!!
I've come up with the formula: Think of a man that is spiritual, seems to do no wrong, nicest guy ever, total gentlemen = That man is a hot hunk beast when it comes to the bedroom. In my humble, experience, opinion ladies.
Gooooood loooord! hallelujah!!!
Xoxo,
Heather
Thx heather,
ReplyDeleteHaHaH I couldn't agree more. those types of men are firecrackers ready to explode and when they do it will be amazing i'm sure.
Jamie, I didn't finish with your questions I don't think. yes you are right. Once you throw out that "in a relationship" status the other men that had show interest or are interested to whatever degree tend to back off and sometimes way off. So it's hard to read if they still like you or not even though they asked you out before.
let's be clear here. a "Brandon" is not an "ex-boyfriend" that you dated-for-a-year-and-broke-up-and-are-moving-on. that's not what "Brandon" is or was. "Brandon" never got that much time to show what he is all about.
brandon was a guy that had asked me out a few different times and I never took him up on it. I knew he was interested in me and frankly at various times I was interested in him. I just don't know why I didn't go out with him when he asked or if I did know it was for reasons now that don't matter. But now after noticing some more things about who he is and what he is becoming I started to wonder why I never went on those dates with him when he was pursuing me. so how do did I show Brandon that I didn't write him off completely even though I found myself "in a relationship" with someone else? Someone who I wasn't "totally" certain about? it was hard. he wasn't going to be making those same pursuant moves like before if I am "dating" someone else. like I said, he started to get to know other girls. But what I did was I kept saying "hi" to him when he was around. I put myself in places where I could talk to him. Not a lot but just small talk "how are things going?". At the same time I still didn't know whether or not to break it off with the "boyfriend". I eventually decided that if this person really isn't the person I know deep down I can truly, deep-down, marry than why continue to pursue the relationship at that level? So eventually I think the boyfriend got the hint. it was hard because he was really into me and really liked me and that kept me wondering why shouldn't I just continue on with him because of that. it's scary kinda and confusing. what if I break up with this boyfriend that seems to like me and I never get to date "Brandon"?
what's worse is since I kinda liked Brandon I was playing those mind games with myself trying to find every conceivable reason why it wouldn't work out with him so I would feel comfortable about continuing on with the boyfriend of the here and now. really once Brandon got the hint I still liked him he was great and waited for me to make a decision on the current situation without even having to say anything to each other. once I did calm things down with the current BF after a few weeks he asked me out once again. this time I said yes. first date was awkward. really awkward. I thought what am I doing? I had this boyfriend that really liked me and now I'm in this uncomfortable situation with a guy I haven't spent much time with. Well I'm glad I did though. By the second and third date we really got comfortable with each other and that's when you start to see the other persons personality. He wasn't "exactly" what I was thinking but was even better in a lot of ways. He was goofy, funny, you know all that. when I was thinking he was going to be different. hope this helps a little. I know it's complicated and it sounds so WIERD to talk about this. But it's true we do get ourselves in these situations as girls!
hope things work out with your "Brandon", i'm so glad it worked out with mine!!
--becky
Becky, you are right. I am so glad I can relate to what you are saying. I've been struggling with this for sometime. Just curious what's the clarification of the "ex-boyfriend" all about? I don't think I totally got that. I mean I get that you are talking about your "ex" before this current guy you are "in a relationship" with that you ended up getting out of. Anyway thanks again I am feeling a great relationship between you and Brandon I hope thing work out with my "Brandon"!!
ReplyDeleteJamie
Oh hey, perfect timing I was just seeing what comments were left here.
ReplyDeleteI'm not totally sure when I wrote that but here is the deal with the "ex" boyfriend i dated for a long time. i guess i mention that only because i think it had a bearing on what why i might not have gone out with Brandon. yeah so here is the thing. i was dating this ex for a long time. i felt like i liked him and i could really see things going places. the problem was that as much as i felt like i liked him and seemed to be able to date well there were just a few things that didn't mesh. well what happened was that we broke up. but here is the thing. since it was a breakup that was a lot on his part (he actually was the one that broke up with me) that made it harder as a girl. i mean yeah it might have been sorta mutual but there was a lot on his part where he was the one that decided to break up with me as well. that hurts as a girl. actually what it does is it makes us go kinda think irrational about the breakup. since he broke up with me i had these feelings that were hurt and when that happens we don't stop thinking about the "ex" and it makes us think about it and dwell on it and him. we also feel a lot of other things as well when that happens. to make things even more drama my family was telling me (my dad) to not go back to him. to basically move on. and i have a lot of love for my dad really. and subconsciously that makes us want something even more when we are told not to have something even though we shouldn't. to make things worse and even more drama was the "ex" said he wanted to date again and come back as time went on. i might have felt the same way also and at times wondered if i should "go back" to him and so it was just all this DRAMA. in the end Dad was right. very right. at the time i didn't see it but he did and i'm glad he told me not to go back. once i actually thought about it and was able to notice what i was doing and really being more self aware of how i was thinking about things and why i was able to decide to just move on and i'm soo glad i was able to move on even though it was challenging.
the point is… i think that was the biggest distraction on why i never went out with Brandon. it's like you aren't even thinking straight enough to see what's right in front of you! if i remember right Brandon did start to ask me out during that time. so i think that had a lot to do with why i never went out with Brandon who really ended up being the man of my hopes, dreams, and the most amazing man and we have a better relationship than any of the "ex" BF's by far! I didn't see it then or even when we started dating. and i definately couldn't see it then when he was asking before because i was consumed by all this other drama.
so yeah now that i think about it that is really how that played out. you may not have that experience but that's how it was for me.
i hope it works out with your "Brandon" too! but have some patience and "give the right person the right chance and time". Who we spend our time with determines a lot! And Brandon wasn't given nearly any time at all, practically nothing, like all the time I spent with the other "exes". Of course you'll get attached to somebody when you spend that much time with them. that's why i was still feeling attachment to the "ex". heck you spend all that time. But again, i gave the time to Brandon who was a right person to give it to and i came to see, without much question, how much better he is for me and for each other. I'm in love with him so much. I feel safe and secure with him. he is on the path to being a great provider and he is so nice to everyone and my family. he's pretty much my love of my life! I need him. really.
hope things work out girl! keep us up to date on your brandon. I'm cheering for you :-) <3
--becky
Girls,
ReplyDeleteAt first I was a little confused by what you were talking about but I have to admit one of my good girl friends had a similar situation happen to her. It felt like I was watching a train wreck happen. She's not the brightest crayon in the box and it's sad to watch. She had this amazing guy trying to ask her out for a while but she never went out. She ends up getting in a relationship with some douchey guy she spent a lot of time hanging out with and then she comes to me one night venting these feelings about why she never went on the date with the other guy that was asking her out!!!
At first she was all trying to tell me its "meant to be" with douchey because of how things turned out. Then I put her in her place (i was a little frustrated with her) and said girl how in the world is that meant to be when you never took up an offer that was right there that whole time? I love her to death and just want her to realize how insane her decision making has been on this.
I saw this coming the whole time. She tried to make it look like she was really into this guy she was "dating" but the whole time (yeah even posting the "happy" fb photos and shit) I could tell she really would like to have dated the guy that was asking her out. I'm pretty sure some girls are so dumb they don't really have a clue when quality comes knocking on the door.
Glad to see she isn't the only one. It's just sad to see her try and convince herself she's in the right relationship with douchey instead of actually gong after the guy that asked her out and is so much better than douchey. Sad.
I wonder about some girls I just am determined now to make sure I am not missing out on the guys that actually have the nuts to step up to the plate and not just get comfortable with a douchey and get into a relationship with him because I missed the boat I should be on!
Thanks for sharing! A good lesson for us all.
- Mindy
Mindy,
ReplyDeletehere's what I would tell your friend. i've been through this so I can tell you how things really are. first, she shouldn't lose hope!! she can still be with the guy that was asking her out all that time and never dated. here's what i found out after talking to Brandon about all this.
he said that he had been going after me and trying to get on a date with me that whole time. even though i didn't go out with him he said he still had left a small corner of his heart open for me. i would have never thought that was the way it was until he told me. what he said was even though he was acting like he wasn't that interested anymore because i was in a relationship with someone else he always left a small door in his heart open to me if the opportunity arose again and he would actually be able to take me out on some dates.
he was saying that if a guy goes through that effort by asking you out a few times (something that is hard for guys to do anyway) than it's very hard not to still have a hope that one day we would be dating. again, not talking here about an old ex that drove you through an emotional roller coaster. i'm saying the guy that you never dated but asked you multiple times. when i heard this it really blew me away because i would have never thought that since i totally denied him time after time that he would ever like me or want to date again.
so what did it take on my part? it was simple. i just started doing small thing like just saying a quick "hi". that's it! not anything huge or long conversations just a quick hi and maybe a quick hug and i left. next time i saw him same thing. all the while i was trying to figure out the current dating situation. i could tell after doing this a few times that Brandon still liked me and there was totally hope to be able to go on dates with him. he was totally still interested.
i've learned that if a guy goes through all that effort to ask you out multiple times no matter how long ago it was there is always hope he will still want to take you out on those dates. and fortunately Brandon wasn't really dating anyone serious so that made it easier too.
i would tell your friend to have hope and just do what i did. guys don't think like we do girls. they tend to be more level headed about these things and will overlook a lot of our dumb things like this. really! and if they asked you out in the past that means so much because it takes a lot for a lot of guys to figure out who they like and are attracted to and then to actually go ask you out even though they are really nervous and all that.
the door to the heart is still there. you just need to open it up again. he's still attracted to you even if he doesn't show it. believe me. mature guys will overlook a lot of things anyway and totally be willing to go after you if you send those signals.
hope that helps! i hope things turn out for your friend. i hate to hear things like that but there is always hope especially when it's an amazing man like brandon was.
--becky
jamie,
ReplyDeletejust checking back real quick. just wanted to let you know that things will work out in the end. if it's not worked out yet than it's not the end!
keep us updated girl! don't be afraid to go after those men like Brandon that you want. marriage relationships ara such a long time it's so important to get this one right. your brandon will work out. really it does if you just make that small effort.
xoxo,
--becky
Ladies! i'm so glad you've taken an interest in my blog and in each other!
ReplyDeletePlease continue to read! and give your feed back.. it definitely sounds like you have more than enough stories to share and experience that we could all benefit from!
Also.. if you like what you've read.. and what you hopefully continue to read.. spread the word! :) thanx so much!
xoxo
- callymon
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