The Dark Knight

The definition of a hypocrite is "a person who pretends to be what he/she is not". So. for something to be hypocritical, it appears as one thing, yet it is really another.

There are righteous hypocrites and wicked hypocrites.. appearing to be something or do something.. but below the surface.. they fake the world out.
The hypocrites that we think about when the word comes to mind are the people that are preaching one thing and practicing another... like the preacher cheating on his wife that stands in front of a congregation preaching morality. The girl who claims she hates gossip in one breath and in the next she can't wait to get a rumor off her chest. The boy who says he'll never commit that walks away from the girl that decides to date other people.
All of them hypocritical in nature and practice. All of them pretending to be something they're not, condemning others for their flaws as they hide behind their smokescreens.

This is where we get phrases like.. "if you love someone let them go.. if they come back they're yours.. if not.. they were never yours to begin with"
Now.. i know in previous blogs i've argued FOR this phrase.. saying that hey.. its bloody true. Sometimes you have to let go and in order to realize the value of what you're holding on to. But today.. i have a different take on it.
Everyone in the single world claims that they hate games... yet we all play them until we're blue in the face. We all pretend to be something that we're not.. hiding our real reasons for doing what we do... lying to the face of love.. claiming to be tougher.. or sometimes weaker.. than we really are in order to get ahead in 'the game'. Hiding vulnerability... faking vulnerability.. putting a mask on to hide the real emotions that could legitimately get us hurt if we revealed them. Everyone plays. Everyone is hypocritical... and everyone whines about it. If everyone that claimed they hated games didn't play them.. the league would be out of business. so. i know you hate games.. so do i. stop playing them or shut up about it.
The thing that i've come to realize is... you wont play chicken with something you truly care about. You wont 'lead someone on' if you actually want to be with them.. you'll just be with them. You wont text someone if you don't wanna talk to them. And if you do.. sooner or later you'll either break down and text them.. or you'll realize the same thing holds true with them.. that they don't wanna talk to you.. or they would be texting you.
Do i think that games are stupid? yes. However, do i feel like they're completely necessary? Absolutely. The length of time that the games consume your relationship.. depends on the relationship.
Games are played until the level of like.. or the level of love.. is mutual. Once you both surrender the upper hand.. once you hit the point that you don't care if you have the 'power of caring less' card in your hand anymore.. and decide that you both actually care if the other walks away.. you both stop threatening to.
Once you want this person to be a part of you.. you stop the hypocritical behavior.. stop pretending to be something that you're not.. and you start being everything that you ARE.

You wouldn't walk away from something if you were truly afraid of losing it. If you cared about it THAT much.. you wouldn't let it out of your sight.
The phrase above only is valid BEFORE the level of love becomes mutual. If the other person cares less about you.. and you're holding on for dear life.. then yes. you need to let them go and allow them the time to realize that they need to come back. and if they don't.... then you never really had them in the first place. You tipped the scale by putting more into the love balance.. and you need to find someone that will put just as much into your relationship as you do.

In the definition of a hypocrite... it doesn't say.. "a person who pretends to be what he is not.. and hurts people because of it"... sometimes the only person the hypocrite hurts is themselves.. The definition leaves it at a person fooling those around them, hiding behind one thing in order to hide another. It never claims that you have to be preaching something good and doing something bad.


It's easy to believe that in a competition driven world that nobody in their right mind would do something if it didn't benefit them in some way. That a true self-less human being is a myth and farce.. and maybe that's true. But what about Robin Hood, Mother Teresa, Ghandi,Bat-Man.. the true Dark Knight, and the 98 Degrees song 'the hardest thing'..? Do people just FORGET about these incredible contributors to society?!

Robin Hood..a thief.. an outlaw... a hunted man that wealthy man fear and powerful men hate. A man that steals from the rich and gives to the poor. A man determined to bring justice to a world that justice overlooks. A man determined to level the playing field a little bit.

Bat Man.. being exactly what the city of Gotham needs. Not exactly a hero.. but exactly that at the same time. Saving the world one guts-out move at a time... doing what others refuse to, in order to get the results that benefit the same people that refuse to act.

Nick bloody Lachey that pretends he doesn't love a woman in order to allow her to get someone better for her than himself.. knowing that she would never walk away from him.. so he leaves her.. ending the best thing that's ever happened to him because he knows she can do better. He knows he cares less.. so he knows he has to walk away.

All of these heroic men wear masks in order to not only make their job easier.. but to make it possible. Giving themselves the responsibility and burden of living a double life.

My friend Susan recently got out of a bad relationship. After being best friends with him for 2 years.. she dated her recent ex boyfriend Nick for 15 months. At the beginning.. he pursued her HARD... he wanted all of these things.. promised her all of those things.. and made it seem like he wasn't going anywhere. He presented her with a perfect 'Lizzie - Gordo' relationship.. that he was gonna love her no matter what.. for however long.. until she felt the same. That he wasn’t.. no matter what happened.. gonna give up.. he loved her.. and would forever.
Suz didn't take it for granted.. sure she dollied around for a month or two.. trying to make the transition in her brain and heart from best friend - to lover.. but by 2 months into it.. she was having a hard time holding the upper-hand card at all. She realized that she cared just as much about Nick as he did about her. and she slowly started to take off her hypocritical mask.. slowly started to stop pretending to be something that she wasn't.. and she let her guard down.
Happily ever after seemed in her near future... her troubles and douche bag ex boyfriends in her wake.. and she allowed herself to be happy. At the 13th month mark... Nick turned the tables on her so fast.. her head is still spinning. First, he claimed that he wanted to be 'less-official'.. saying that they had forever ahead of them.. they didnt need to be in any sort of a rush to be together. Then.. he decided that they probably shouldn't see each other so much.. so that 'they didn't get sick of each other'.
At the end of the month.. after putting her through psychological hell.. He finally told her.. that he liked dating her.. but he never wanted to marry her.. so keeping her at arms length was probably the best thing for both of them. He didnt want her to GO anywhere.. the best friend relationship that they started out with would still benefit them both.. but the title.. and commitment of it all.. seemed a lot less attractive to him now. So at arms length is where he wanted her.. loving her at a distance. He claimed that all along.. he had never wanted to marry her.. he saw a peak of their relationship far before they reached it.. but he kept dating her.. balancing out the mutual love level.. until he saw the scale tip at her wanting a future with him.. and him remembering that he had no such plans with her.
He pretended to be something he wasn't.. truly in love with her.

Now. the story begins.
Suz got out of this relationship about a year ago. having suffered serious psychological trauma.. she took herself out of the scene and out of the game for a while.. After 4 months she decided she needed to force herself to date again.. kind of like the pilot that crashes and immediately gets in a plane.. she figured if she didn't start soon.. she'd be forever scared.. and die alone. (ps.. arms length relationship? ya right. she walked away from that moron) at 5 months she found herself dating one boy, Sean, over and over again. After 3 weeks of spending most of their time together.. they had the mutual.. unwritten.. sort of unspoken.. 'togetherness' about them.. They weren't dating other people... because they didn't have time to with all the time they spent together.
Suz wasn’t in the place where she wanted to be in love again.. she kind of had the screw-love-mentality still.. but she figured after being traumatized and falling so hard.. she needed practice. She needed to practice being with someone else without playing the tough girl she did before Nick came into her love life. She needed practice at vulnerability without running away from someone. She basically needed a stand in boyfriend to help her get over her issues and prepare her for being with someone else.
wellllp. Without even trying.. she found herself in a position where Sean was filling that roll in her life. Did she see herself marrying the kid? no. Did she see herself even seriously dating the dude? psh.. nahh. but he was fun.. he took her on lots of great dates.. and he was letting her practice being in love.. without actually caring.

Wellllll... first off.. Suz is a stone cold fox.. and second.. while she 'wasn't caring'.. she was being completely herself. And the combination of the two.. had Sean falling all over himself. The more time he spent with Suz.. the more he fell in love with her. They never really talked about their relationship and where they stood.. but he figured that it was building from both ends.. and would soon meet in the middle.. with the scale balanced.. and them in completely in love.
After 2 months of spending every day together.. Sean decided to test the 'mutual-love-waters'.. and bring up them being together...
'do you like me?' and 'do you see us like.. ya know.. being together' were the questions that filled Suz's texting inbox, as Sean, first off.. wasn't 'boyfriend material' in Suz's eyes partly contributed by the fact that he loved having these conversations via text messages.. and second, wasn't ready to hear the answers in person.
Suz.. in her practice mindset answered 'yes' cuz.. first off.. she did like Sean.. he was great! they had a lot of fun! and.. technically.. she would have to be closing her eyes for most her life to not 'see' them together.. so she figured.. what the heck.. sure.

over the next little bit.. Suz had Deja vu of a relationship not erased from her memory yet.. a relationship where.. one person had no interest in actually BEING with the other person.. yet led them on to believe that they did because they genuinely enjoyed spending time with that person. She also remembered the outcome of the relationship and the pain that came from the reality of the situation.. even though the honesty should've been refreshing.. that the enjoyment factor.. and the casual nature should've been no big deal... there was a lot of hurt when the scale tipped.

Suz.. not wanting to be a hypocrite, pretending to be something she wasn't, any longer.. decided that she needed to walk away. The hard thing was.. there was no reason to walk away from Sean.. she was having fun! She was enjoying herself! Yet.. she saw that too-familiar look in his eye.. and she knew that the scale had tipped, and she had no intention of balancing it out.
Suz became the Dark Knight.. the Robin Hood.. giving up her own happiness for the overall goodness and happiness of the situation. She walked away in order to save a heartache she knew too well. And she really did hurt because of it. She now understood why Nick wanted to keep her at arms length.. cuz that's exactly where she wanted Sean. But she wasn't about to ask him to stay there.

There is good.. and there is bad.. There is hurt.. and there is joy.
The world is pretty black and white. Overall happiness.. although is hard to see at times.. is what's important in the end. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own happiness in order to give someone what they deserve.. someone to balance out their own scale. Sometimes as fun as it is to have someone obsessed with you.. you need to find someone you're just as obsessed with. Being a hypocrite doesn't always mean that you're doing something hurtful intentionally.. But a lot of heartache and pain would be prevented if we never pretended to be something we weren't. Don't pretend to care more than you do.. it is just as bad as pretending to care less than you do. Both instances lead you to places you don't wanna be. By wearing a mask.. you'll never get the right shade of make up. By pretending.. faking people out.. and putting on a hypocritical show.. you'll never get what you want.. and what you deserve.
So. Dark Knight or not.. take off the mask. Go to the places you never thought YOU would go.. before vowing to go to the places no man has. Allow yourself to be in love.. and when you're not.. be ok with walking away from it in order to let someone else find their own happy ending. Stop the hypocrisy and find the person that's right for YOU.. as opposed to the person that's right for who you're pretending to be.

Until Later xox
-Callymon