No Big Deal Just Clean it Up

A younger version of me sat at a fancy restaurant with my family. As we were one of two exceptions to the couples on romantic dates in the restaurant we drew a little bit of attention. My brother and sisters and I practiced our perfect table manners our parents took such pride in grilling into our heads, loving the 'may i pleases' and 'thank yous'.. millions of forks.. and waitresses dressed like a million dollars. We loved the ladies in their diamonds and the men in their best suits.. the older couples looking like comfortable old pros calling their favorite waiters by name.. the younger ones with nervous looks on their faces.. awaiting the doom of having to pronounce the chef's special of the night in front of a date they promised that they spoke fluent french.
After the initial shock of kids walking into this pish-posh place wore off.. those around us saw that we weren't there to cause dennis-the-mennace worthy chaos.. and all but forgot we were there. That is, until yours truly.. with my 7 year old short arms of destruction.. reached across the table to grab a roll.. knocking over my root beer and water, spilling brown stains all over the perfect white table cloth.
Silence filled the restaurant as all eyes turned to my parents.
Each couple slowly imagined a different fate for this poor little girl with still so much life to live... would my dad whip out the belt right here just to show his respect for the posh-level of where we were?! ... would i be forced to sit in the car..? Would they have me wash dishes.. or at least table clothes until my hands were to wrinkly to move?! .. i could even see one old man screaming 'run child.. run!!' in his eyes.
They watched and waited.. hearts beating in their ears.. while my dad, without skipping a beat, turned to me and said, 'McCall... what do we say when we spill..?'
With a care-free expression.. that should've been a dead giveaway to the punishment awaiting.. i looked up at my dad with big happy eyes.. giggled a little bit.. and said 'no big deal just clean it up!'
As a child i learned that if something was broken.. you fix it. 'No big deal just clean it up!' .. and move on. You don't fester about it... you don't let it build in your mind until it consumes you.. you don't pull the belt out and scar you and the transgressor to make sure the mistakes are remembered.. you clean it up.. and let it go.

Somewhere in my young adulthood this idea got distorted.
'No big deal just clean it up!'.. became.. 'WHAT!!!!! you're KIDDING?!... what have i DONE!??!.. ahhh!! the world is gonna end as we know it!!!!! hide ya wife.. hide ya kids.. im gonna DIE!!" then clean it up and yet still think... "can you see that nonexistent stain? ew cuz i can.. even the memory of that disgusting root beer stain makes me cringe.. ARE YOU STARING AT THAT SPOT?! eew.. you're totally judging me for spilling that root beer.. oh you can't see it..? ITS RIGHT THERE!!!"
Every mistake in the younger years was almost immediately forgotten.. and most of the time not even brain-logged as a mistake.. they were just events that happened throughout my day or my life that didn't get more brain space or worry than they deserved. Every mistake in the latter years became some earth shattering experience to journal about... something to make sure i remembered so as to NEVER DO IT AGAIN.. something to learn from.. something to tattoo on my forehead.. worry about.. fester over.. and consume my every thought until the next mistake was made.

Mistakes.. misfortune... heartache.. loss.. all things we once had learned to clean up and move on from.. have become the things that consume us.. control us.. break us.. and make us the people we are today.
Is it a bad thing? Not necessarily.. people really do and should learn from mistakes and heartache.. the breaking down is definitely character building and all that jazz.. but Is it a choice? Yes. and i think we've chosen wrong.

You can learn the same lesson from acknowledging and moving on as you can from shattering your world.. altering your universe.. slitting your wrists.. and hiding in a hole until you run out of blood to bleed and tears to cry.
I think people think that in order to make something worth the time you put into it.. it has to have a huge dramatic ending. That if you don't mourn the loss of the boy that just broke your heart then you didn't care enough... that input equals output. The more you put in.. the harder and longer it's gonna take you to get over it. Then.. if you do get over it.. and you don't feel like it was an adequate enough amount of time.. you drag it on.. putting yourself through more misery until you feel like you were sad enough for long enough.. that you've earned the right to move on.
People think that it's the sad.. bad.. depressing.. and miserable moments in their lives that make them great. The 'rise above syndrome'. And because of this thought process they believe that the sadness deserves the most attention because it's the most beneficial to their greatness in the end. that's retarded.

No big deal... just clean it up.
No I'm not a robot that's like.. man up! rub some dirt in it! heartbreak isnt that bad!!
duh. you've read my blog for how long now? you know im pro-pity-party. i know heartbreak sucks.
but take exactly the time you need to get over it.. and then remove it from your life. don't self sabotage. don't compare every boy and every relationship to the tragic one you just got out of.. you'll never allow yourself to be happy! you'll be so stuck in the past that nothing in the present will seem good enough.
By carrying the mess and baggage from the past.. you're not giving your current relationships even a fair chance.. cuz you now will associate the bad from the last relationship.. along with the sadness.. to your current state of mind with the new people in your life.

My friend Elizabeth went through her very own 'break up of her life' recently. The ones that you'll never forget.. the one that everyone has at least 1 of.. that consumes your entire existence. After mourning for almost 3 months.. she felt like she was truly over it and she started dating again. With every new boy she became interested in.. she felt guilty for being so happy.. she would stop herself in her tracks... have an anti-social-chick-flick-night and drown her sorrows in taylor swift songs and nutella.
She would bring up all the sadness of her last broken heart episode.. talk about expecting the worse... and then come to the conclusion that she 'just wasn’t happy with this new boy'.. that she 'found herself just like... sad.. all the time.. and that's not a good sign'.
Uh... duh you dipflip. you THINK you're sad all the time.. therefore... YOU'RE SAD ALL THE TIME!!! clean it up.. and MOVE ON.
You are sabotaging any chance of any and every new relationship that comes into your life. you've mourned.. you've dealt. if you're not over it.. then take more time to cleanse it out of your system.. if you are.. then BE over it.. don't keep coming back to it!
You don't have to KEEP learning from that mistake of a boy.. you've learned.. you've logged it.. now put it in the archives and live your life.

There's always gonna be heartache... there's always gonna be pain... hey. we're human. it comes with the territory.. But choosing to make it simply another part of your life as opposed to the very experiences and emotions that will break us.. mold us... and make us into soldiers.. will serve each of us greatly.

Yes. learn from your mistakes.. become better individuals from every experience given to you.. but don't dwell on the negative.. that will get you nowhere and nothing but sadness. It's not 'the sadder you are.. the stronger you are'.. happy people are strong people too!! they may even be stronger for choosing a more productive way to live. It doesn't mean they have less trials.. they just choose to say 'no big deal just clean it up!'.
Be ok with being ok.. and you'll be ok.

Until Later
xoxo
-Callymon