The world can be a terrible place. love can be a terrible thing. The dark can be the most frightening thing in the world.. and the glass can always be half empty if we have the wrong glasses on.
Through the world of heartbreak that i've been thrown into.. its easy for me to bash relationships.. find things wrong with falling in love.. and set up warning signs and flashing lights with skulls on them telling you to STAY AWAY from anything that resembles a semi-functional relationship because there will ALWAYS be something wrong with it.
It's easy to walk away from relationships that end in unfortunate ways and pin point every way that they broke you.. how you rose from your fall from grace and told that tool box where to stick his big fat apology that he refused to give. it's easy to counsel others in similar unfortunate circumstances on what you did wrong and how they should do things differently.. on the things you would change if you could go back..
Years and years down the road.. we all tend to look back and write our own 'lessons learned' blogs about how everything makes sense now and how that 'dysfunctional relationship' benefited us. How we're better people because of the heartbreak and every lesson we were forced to learn at the expense of our happiness through another.
Every person that is sent into our lives is a gift. Some small packages make appearances.. some medium packages polka-dot our lives.. and some come in the huge.. bug-eyed christmas morning.. what you always wanted.. couldnt fit down the chimney.. kind of gifts that bless our lives in ways we don't intend.. and change us for the better.
We can each look back through our roster of people we've dated and pin point what category each person falls into.. some being lumps of coal.. some being big fat arrows pointing us in a better direction.. and some being the shiny diamond necklace that will forever remain in your heart and your family as a sacred keepsake.
I challenge you to stop and smell the roses right now.
As many relationships that i like to relate to that are breaking and busting at the seams.. as many man-haters i rally and helpless heartbroken people i attempt to lift up through my odd advice.. i challenge each one of you to stop and literally count your many blessings.
not in 5 years when your life's plan is revealed to you. not when you're completely healed from the heartbreak you're going through.. not when you finally find someone new.. someone better for you.. but right this second.
Each of these 'big present' relationships bring and take so much more from your life than the one person you happen to love. they bring families.. experiences.. and lessons that are invaluable.
We have the opportunity to become apart of a family that isn't our own.. befriend people that we never otherwise would've known.. and give a part of ourselves we never knew that we had.
Falling in love.. although it freakin sucks.. is the most amazing powerful thing in the world. it's the only thing that matters.
When we finally look back at our lives.. when we get to the point where it's not painful anymore.. we realize that we wouldn't change anything. that we wouldn't take our punch-card do-over moments.
If you feel anything like me.. love is scary. especially if you've had your heart broken.. but if it never rained.. there wouldn't be green grass.. greener grass.. on the other side of your heartbreak fence.
My girlfriend Camilla just got out of the relationship of her life.
Although she's sadder than she can even admit.. she gained so much from the relationship that she would never wish that it never happened.
Her ex.. John's family became her own. His friends became hers.. and she's forever grateful for the support and impact that the ripples in the water provided her from one person touching her life.
Because of John she knows how to love. Because of John she knows what she wants in life.. and because of John's family she's the person she is today.
As she stopped and had a vent sesh this weekend..complete with plots of revenge.. serious consideration of pullin a britney and shavin her head.. and break downs.. she was able to lift herself up and go on. Still heartbroken.. but with the realization that this relationship was one of her 'Big gifts' in life. That john was sent to her for more than to break her heart. That he was part of her plan to shape and mold her into the real and strong Camilla.
God can't send guardian angels to be with us every second of every day.. in every decision and mistake that we make.. so he sends us our 'John's .. he sends the people that are right for us for a particular part of our lives.. that help us in ways that no other person could've. He sends us amazing best friends and gives us the opportunity to open our hearts up to them. He sends us amazing second moms.. extra sisters.. and friends that guide us on our path in unique ways that only they can.
Each ripple from each relationship we should take and keep.. not avoid. not grieve. not shut out because of moments of pain and sadness... but we should embrace them.. possibly blog about them.. and make sure the lessons and blessings weren't in vain.
Don't let your heart break in vain. Don't be so afraid to feel that you shut out all the good that can come from falling in love at all.. even if it was with the wrong person.
let your guard down. Fall in love with as many things as you can. love is powerful.. and it's the only thing that matters.. the people that fall in love the most have the most beautiful scrapbooks at the end of life. they have the best memories and the least regrets.
Give in to it. You wont regret it.
xoxo
-Callymon
April 24, 2011
.. From the Ashes ..
I have a couple confessions.
One.. i'm completely in love with Prince william. Expect a Royal wedding blog VERY SOON.
Two - given that i haven't blogged in a record time of like.. 2 weeks.. you know my life has been on crack.
Between finals.. my head feeling like its gonna exPLODE.. and a couple other things.. lets just say im glad i made it out alive!
it's not that i haven't come to my little blogger page and typed.. ooohh there definitely have been some blogs that have started.. even naming the titles would tell you that they probably wont make final 'publishing' cut..
in life. we go through times where we're not really sure of how we feel.
about people. about circumstances. different situations.. events.. and we're left in our own darkness awaiting direction.
THIS hit me with full force in the last couple weeks.
looking at the situations i've put myself in.. a lot of people would argue that i was simply going through the phases of grieving. That it was healthy. and that i would come out of it.
noo i'm not telling you im depressed. i'm not some tormented being that hates sunshine and chocolate and babies. I'm not even really confessing to a state of sadness.. cuz it hasn't been that either..
I"ve been caught in a state of limbo. unsure where i stood.. unsure of the ground beneath me.. unsure of my surroundings.. and completely blind to any future direction.
i would draw strength from my phrase "tough as nails" and block out any incoming emotion.. determined not to break in any way.. soo focused on holding myself together that i was just.. ok really. we hear all the time that "fine" isn't a real emotion. i agree with this.. but that's all i was. i was fine.
before yall come to conclusions and start checking building tops.. and for reallly good psychiatrists.. allow me to take you through the last little bit of time.
I have been neglecting my friends that needed voices and advice ( and been getting hate mail for it) because i didn't know how i felt myself.. but now that i feel i have a hold of my own emotional roller coaster.. that it wont derail and any moment.. i can answer and advise in my retarded mccall way again.
the good thing about having friends with problems in their lives.. is that you can focus on the problems of others.. and through the healing of other hearts.. you come to your own conclusions.
at least thats what i'm about to attempt.
at the beginning of this blog.. i promised to change names to protect the innocent. and the guilty. i need to add a few more to that list...
to protect the tools.
the liars.
the deceitful.
the ignorant.
the brave.
the lonely.
the broken.
and the straight up retarded.
and so we begin..
Although we all think we're alone in the world of love.. that no one has ever felt the emotions we feel.. and that our relationships are SO different than all the rest.. none of us are exempt from relationship stereotypes.. the phases of life.. and the breaking and mending process our hearts are meant to go through.
our first love. our first heart break. the person we almost meet at the end of the isle. the one we will always love. the longest relationship we have before we end up with our true soulmate. the ones we think will or should last forever. the ones we give up everything for. and the ones that break us down into fine powder.
While the montage of your love life runs through your head and your series of songs you've reserved for each relationship start playing in the soundtrack to your love lives.. allow me to take you into the world and heart of Christie.
unfortunately for christie.. all of these stereo types.. all of these major stepping stones.. were jammed together in one big boulder.. a mountain of experiences... in one man.
Dave was her first love. her first heart break. the person she not only assumed but planned on ending up with. the man she gave up everything for. the one she was willing to bend and break and rearrange and change for just to make him happy. the first and only person she's ever cared about more than herself. The one where.. at the end of the day.. she will never give up hope for. He's her weakness. and if you know Christie like i do.. probably the only one she has.
Dave and Christie had dated on and off since 8th grade. The first time they met they sat giggling talking about their futures. From day one they started painting scenes in their own fairy tale book. Their 'plan' started forming.. the one they anxiously awaited to unfold before their eyes.
imagine at 14 knowing you were going to marry someone.. or at least believing that where ever you went in life.. whatever happened.. you had this anchor.. this default setting to come back to. This is what dave and Christie became to each other.
Even in their off periods they were not only protective of each other.. they made sure the plan was still in motion.
they had some unwritten.. unsaid agreement.. that they could absolutely date.. kiss.. woo.. anyone they wanted to. it would always remain insignificant. The default setting would override any feelings of doubt.. any feelings of love for someone else.. the anchor would hold them in place on their path they had beautifully drawn together.
Over the years they went their separate ways geographically.. even emotionally a couple times.. when they reallly thought it was over and then something earth shattering would bring them together again.. and one look is all it took for the magnetic force between them to be reactivated.. stronger than ever.
They had more than love. they had understanding of one another. They moved as one. thought as one person. even when they were miles and miles apart.
Well... as happy as this fairy tale seems.. recent events began to tear pages from it.. rewrite parts of their precious plan.. and start a new story all together.
When Dave was 20.. he decided that he was going to an Army prep school to play football out of state. Although Christie was sad.. she had faith in the plan.
At this prep school.. Dave met Sandy.
Sandy was very different from Christie.. but something about her kinda drove Dave nuts.
Long story short.. Dave decided that he loved Sandy. Through the process of falling in love with her.. he never wanted to hurt Christie so he kept things from her. Sandy was portrayed as just a friend.. a sister almost.. that lived close by. he 'didn't even think she was pretty'.. and they 'had been hanging out with groups of people.. randomly paired up a couple times'. He told Christie that they were 'just hanging out'. He never admitted to Sandy being his girlfriend. He always kept Christie on the line.. the male ego in him, not wanting to let go of an option. especially one he had made a plan with.
After like 8 months at this school.. Dave badly broke his shoulder and was forced to return home and give up his football scholarship.
The adjustment home was hard.. back to living with his parents.. and Christie was there.
They decided to resume their relationship after their break of a couple years and resume their plan.
Every way that Christie was different than Sandy.. dave learned to hate.
He picked the things that were similar to his half-attempted romance with sandy.. and decided to hang on to those..
But the characters in their fairy tale... and the story line for that matter.. had been changed.
Out of desperation.. Christie saw dave pulling away from her and tried to change every thing about her that he all of the sudden found unattractive.
Her strength became her weakness.. because dave no longer wanted someone that had their crap together like Christie. He wanted a damsel in distress. so that's what she became.
Never having been insecure about being herself in her life.. Christie was thrown in a state of panic. All the things Dave (and the rest of the world) had loved about Christie were gone.. she suppressed them.. and became something unnatural and unstable.
She gave up her life for 'the plan'.. determined to make it work.. afraid to express doubts to doubtful dave in fear that the whole story would collapse all together.
After 4 months of Dave being home.. and Christie developing a natural tendency to retreat to the fetal position.. they sat down and discussed the obvious. They weren't happy.
Christie had been ground into a fine powder through the insecurity that dave put her through.. afraid to be herself in anyway.. not even really knowing what or who herself was anymore.. so she clamped her teeth.. balled her white-knuckled hands.. and walked away from him.
After a month of a couple awkward run-ins... and several rain storms of tears.. Christie learned the truth about Sandy. Dave's sister karen (who had always been one of Christie's biggest fans and allies) had found letters they had written back and forth since he had been home with him confessing his feelings for her.. undermining any relationship he had with this 'desperate Christie girl from back home'.. basically calling her delusional. Karen copied them and sent them Christie.. feeling like she should know the truth.
Through everything that Christie has been through.. the problem.. challenge.. and heartbreaking reality that she came to me with.. was that her 'Dave and Christie' fairy tale was still on her shelf. She still held out hope for the boy that stole her heart in the 8th grade.. still had a small kindling fire going for the plan they once had written in the stars together. She was just adding chapters to it.. waiting anxiously for it to unfold before her swollen tear-filled eyes.
Christie.. as one of your best friends i realize more than most how much you have loved dave. I realize that he will ALWAYS be a huge part of your memory.. and a huge part of your past.
but he doesn't have to.. and can't.. remain a huge part of your present and future. you have put your entire BEING on hold waiting for a fairy tale.
There are people in our lives that we're ALLOWED to always love. Dave is yours. but you have to let go of the hope of your plan. you have to accept the memories.. accept the sadness and all the songs you have for your guys' relationship and put them in a box and let them go.
If you forever hold on to Dave.. you will never let your heart heal.. and you will never let anyone else in.
I said earlier that none of us are exempt from these relationship stereotypes.. these phases of life we unfortunately have to go through.. i promise christie that you're not alone.
The first loves of the world are crying with you.. the broken hearts of those that have been deceived.. and the broken people who have lost themselves in the attempt to please another. We all stand behind you with open arms and success stories of those that have moved on.
You WILL. i promise. you just have to let yourself.
Don't hide from it..
Acknowledge that you loved him.
Acknowledge that he was a huge chunk of your life..
and then move on from it.
Through time.. you will be able to build yourself from the ashes he left you in and be stronger because of it.
Don't let some duche bag tool box take your Christie-ness away from you. Go find her again.. and prince charming will find you.
The rest of the heartbreaking friends of mine will have to await their stories and advice for at least a couple hours.. as this post is getting lengthy..
The heart is a strong muscle of our body.. as many times as its torn and broken.. it will always repair itself. It's stronger than we give it credit for.. sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the time required to rebuild.
Hang in there.. let go.. and smile. You deserve it.
(the only good thing about not blogging for so long.. is i can post as many times as i want and not feel retarded) so.... basically until.. an hour from now.. talk to you soon!
xox
-Callymon
One.. i'm completely in love with Prince william. Expect a Royal wedding blog VERY SOON.
Two - given that i haven't blogged in a record time of like.. 2 weeks.. you know my life has been on crack.
Between finals.. my head feeling like its gonna exPLODE.. and a couple other things.. lets just say im glad i made it out alive!
it's not that i haven't come to my little blogger page and typed.. ooohh there definitely have been some blogs that have started.. even naming the titles would tell you that they probably wont make final 'publishing' cut..
in life. we go through times where we're not really sure of how we feel.
about people. about circumstances. different situations.. events.. and we're left in our own darkness awaiting direction.
THIS hit me with full force in the last couple weeks.
looking at the situations i've put myself in.. a lot of people would argue that i was simply going through the phases of grieving. That it was healthy. and that i would come out of it.
noo i'm not telling you im depressed. i'm not some tormented being that hates sunshine and chocolate and babies. I'm not even really confessing to a state of sadness.. cuz it hasn't been that either..
I"ve been caught in a state of limbo. unsure where i stood.. unsure of the ground beneath me.. unsure of my surroundings.. and completely blind to any future direction.
i would draw strength from my phrase "tough as nails" and block out any incoming emotion.. determined not to break in any way.. soo focused on holding myself together that i was just.. ok really. we hear all the time that "fine" isn't a real emotion. i agree with this.. but that's all i was. i was fine.
before yall come to conclusions and start checking building tops.. and for reallly good psychiatrists.. allow me to take you through the last little bit of time.
I have been neglecting my friends that needed voices and advice ( and been getting hate mail for it) because i didn't know how i felt myself.. but now that i feel i have a hold of my own emotional roller coaster.. that it wont derail and any moment.. i can answer and advise in my retarded mccall way again.
the good thing about having friends with problems in their lives.. is that you can focus on the problems of others.. and through the healing of other hearts.. you come to your own conclusions.
at least thats what i'm about to attempt.
at the beginning of this blog.. i promised to change names to protect the innocent. and the guilty. i need to add a few more to that list...
to protect the tools.
the liars.
the deceitful.
the ignorant.
the brave.
the lonely.
the broken.
and the straight up retarded.
and so we begin..
Although we all think we're alone in the world of love.. that no one has ever felt the emotions we feel.. and that our relationships are SO different than all the rest.. none of us are exempt from relationship stereotypes.. the phases of life.. and the breaking and mending process our hearts are meant to go through.
our first love. our first heart break. the person we almost meet at the end of the isle. the one we will always love. the longest relationship we have before we end up with our true soulmate. the ones we think will or should last forever. the ones we give up everything for. and the ones that break us down into fine powder.
While the montage of your love life runs through your head and your series of songs you've reserved for each relationship start playing in the soundtrack to your love lives.. allow me to take you into the world and heart of Christie.
unfortunately for christie.. all of these stereo types.. all of these major stepping stones.. were jammed together in one big boulder.. a mountain of experiences... in one man.
Dave was her first love. her first heart break. the person she not only assumed but planned on ending up with. the man she gave up everything for. the one she was willing to bend and break and rearrange and change for just to make him happy. the first and only person she's ever cared about more than herself. The one where.. at the end of the day.. she will never give up hope for. He's her weakness. and if you know Christie like i do.. probably the only one she has.
Dave and Christie had dated on and off since 8th grade. The first time they met they sat giggling talking about their futures. From day one they started painting scenes in their own fairy tale book. Their 'plan' started forming.. the one they anxiously awaited to unfold before their eyes.
imagine at 14 knowing you were going to marry someone.. or at least believing that where ever you went in life.. whatever happened.. you had this anchor.. this default setting to come back to. This is what dave and Christie became to each other.
Even in their off periods they were not only protective of each other.. they made sure the plan was still in motion.
they had some unwritten.. unsaid agreement.. that they could absolutely date.. kiss.. woo.. anyone they wanted to. it would always remain insignificant. The default setting would override any feelings of doubt.. any feelings of love for someone else.. the anchor would hold them in place on their path they had beautifully drawn together.
Over the years they went their separate ways geographically.. even emotionally a couple times.. when they reallly thought it was over and then something earth shattering would bring them together again.. and one look is all it took for the magnetic force between them to be reactivated.. stronger than ever.
They had more than love. they had understanding of one another. They moved as one. thought as one person. even when they were miles and miles apart.
Well... as happy as this fairy tale seems.. recent events began to tear pages from it.. rewrite parts of their precious plan.. and start a new story all together.
When Dave was 20.. he decided that he was going to an Army prep school to play football out of state. Although Christie was sad.. she had faith in the plan.
At this prep school.. Dave met Sandy.
Sandy was very different from Christie.. but something about her kinda drove Dave nuts.
Long story short.. Dave decided that he loved Sandy. Through the process of falling in love with her.. he never wanted to hurt Christie so he kept things from her. Sandy was portrayed as just a friend.. a sister almost.. that lived close by. he 'didn't even think she was pretty'.. and they 'had been hanging out with groups of people.. randomly paired up a couple times'. He told Christie that they were 'just hanging out'. He never admitted to Sandy being his girlfriend. He always kept Christie on the line.. the male ego in him, not wanting to let go of an option. especially one he had made a plan with.
After like 8 months at this school.. Dave badly broke his shoulder and was forced to return home and give up his football scholarship.
The adjustment home was hard.. back to living with his parents.. and Christie was there.
They decided to resume their relationship after their break of a couple years and resume their plan.
Every way that Christie was different than Sandy.. dave learned to hate.
He picked the things that were similar to his half-attempted romance with sandy.. and decided to hang on to those..
But the characters in their fairy tale... and the story line for that matter.. had been changed.
Out of desperation.. Christie saw dave pulling away from her and tried to change every thing about her that he all of the sudden found unattractive.
Her strength became her weakness.. because dave no longer wanted someone that had their crap together like Christie. He wanted a damsel in distress. so that's what she became.
Never having been insecure about being herself in her life.. Christie was thrown in a state of panic. All the things Dave (and the rest of the world) had loved about Christie were gone.. she suppressed them.. and became something unnatural and unstable.
She gave up her life for 'the plan'.. determined to make it work.. afraid to express doubts to doubtful dave in fear that the whole story would collapse all together.
After 4 months of Dave being home.. and Christie developing a natural tendency to retreat to the fetal position.. they sat down and discussed the obvious. They weren't happy.
Christie had been ground into a fine powder through the insecurity that dave put her through.. afraid to be herself in anyway.. not even really knowing what or who herself was anymore.. so she clamped her teeth.. balled her white-knuckled hands.. and walked away from him.
After a month of a couple awkward run-ins... and several rain storms of tears.. Christie learned the truth about Sandy. Dave's sister karen (who had always been one of Christie's biggest fans and allies) had found letters they had written back and forth since he had been home with him confessing his feelings for her.. undermining any relationship he had with this 'desperate Christie girl from back home'.. basically calling her delusional. Karen copied them and sent them Christie.. feeling like she should know the truth.
Through everything that Christie has been through.. the problem.. challenge.. and heartbreaking reality that she came to me with.. was that her 'Dave and Christie' fairy tale was still on her shelf. She still held out hope for the boy that stole her heart in the 8th grade.. still had a small kindling fire going for the plan they once had written in the stars together. She was just adding chapters to it.. waiting anxiously for it to unfold before her swollen tear-filled eyes.
Christie.. as one of your best friends i realize more than most how much you have loved dave. I realize that he will ALWAYS be a huge part of your memory.. and a huge part of your past.
but he doesn't have to.. and can't.. remain a huge part of your present and future. you have put your entire BEING on hold waiting for a fairy tale.
There are people in our lives that we're ALLOWED to always love. Dave is yours. but you have to let go of the hope of your plan. you have to accept the memories.. accept the sadness and all the songs you have for your guys' relationship and put them in a box and let them go.
If you forever hold on to Dave.. you will never let your heart heal.. and you will never let anyone else in.
I said earlier that none of us are exempt from these relationship stereotypes.. these phases of life we unfortunately have to go through.. i promise christie that you're not alone.
The first loves of the world are crying with you.. the broken hearts of those that have been deceived.. and the broken people who have lost themselves in the attempt to please another. We all stand behind you with open arms and success stories of those that have moved on.
You WILL. i promise. you just have to let yourself.
Don't hide from it..
Acknowledge that you loved him.
Acknowledge that he was a huge chunk of your life..
and then move on from it.
Through time.. you will be able to build yourself from the ashes he left you in and be stronger because of it.
Don't let some duche bag tool box take your Christie-ness away from you. Go find her again.. and prince charming will find you.
The rest of the heartbreaking friends of mine will have to await their stories and advice for at least a couple hours.. as this post is getting lengthy..
The heart is a strong muscle of our body.. as many times as its torn and broken.. it will always repair itself. It's stronger than we give it credit for.. sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the time required to rebuild.
Hang in there.. let go.. and smile. You deserve it.
(the only good thing about not blogging for so long.. is i can post as many times as i want and not feel retarded) so.... basically until.. an hour from now.. talk to you soon!
xox
-Callymon
April 9, 2011
.. World of Glass..
There are few things about me.. that if you have been reading my blog.. you know.. or if i told you you wouldnt be completely shocked.
I wish my life was like a movie.
I"m obsessed with the idea of the perfect guy... or my prince charming
and i like to learn from my past.. look forward to my future.. while living in the present.
i believe in living life with no regrets.. however..
i have an epic plan i need to take up with the BIG GUY.. i think we need to develop a 'punch card' system for life..
a punch card for do-overs. a punch card for mistakes you would never admit to. a punch card for doughnuts you could eat without them showin up in your backside. a punch card for lies. a punch card for heartbreak.
and once the punch card is filled.. you put it behind you and move on.
As i look through my past... searching for moments 'do-over punch card' worthy... i imagine what i reallllly would've done differently if i could do something again..
I know all of the trials and decisions i've gone through have made me what i am today.. but was there an easier path with the same destination? did i really HAVE to cry every single one of those tears to build the heart muscle i have?
Because my mind is completely demented.. have i made life way harder than it should be in general..?
I look at times in my life where i fell into patterns of unrighteous routines. no - i'm not talking about sinning. this isn't a confession hotline.
I"m talking about times i allowed myself be less than what i was capable of being.
unfortunately.. this has happened a lot.
If each one of us takes the raw talent and potential we were given at BIRTH... and honestly evaluate what we've made of it.. i can only HOPE you're better than i am.. and that you can look yourself in the eye and say 'i'm truly the best person i can be in every area of my life'.
How many of us slack off because something comes easy? Because something is comfortable? or because we don't know how or why we would ever need it in the future..?
Mediocrity scares me. Its scares me to DEATH!..
i know without a doubt that.. good or bad (most likely bad).. there is no one in the world like me. Each one of us is like a snowflake.. if there were 2 of us... something went wrong. I know that no one in the world is capable of what im capable of. No one would do something and succeed the exact same way i would. Nobody could bring the world what i could bring it.. it comes with our individuality. Someone else could do something better.. worse... or differently than i would.. but not in the same MC-style.
I realize how much i have to offer the world... yet i have still let myself walk instead of sprint.. not lift as much weight as my muscles could take.. and mosey on through my chapters of my fairy tale that i'm in charge of writing.
My biggest fear in life.. has become my reality.
I look to my future.. and ALL i want to be is extraordinary. All i want to be is the best me i could ever even POSSIBLY be! In every area! Yet.. along my path.. i've slowed my progress.. i've slacked off.. and i've let things get in the way of my McCallness that shouldn't have.
I believe that it's not what happens to us.. but what we DO with what happens to us that determines the way we live our lives.
It's like i said... i think i've just made life way harder than it really is! I've created the image of greatness in my mind.. placed it in front of me.. and then backed away from it.
We live in a world full of expectations.
Some people believe that high expectations are in the formula of failure and discouragement..
that with low expectations you will always be happy.
These people... are retarded.
I believe in a world of HIGH expectations and the constant battle and strive to meet them! This is my definition of success! To push ourselves forward in everything.. bettering ourselves inch by inch.. day by day.. moment by moment.
I've talked before about managing expectations and how you have to set yourself up for success.. you have to make sure you set realistic expectations to alter your reality around.. but you are the author of your success.. you are the person who sets your bar.. if you set it low.. you'll never reach.. because you'll never have to.
In relationships.. i believe if an issue is there.. TACKLE IT! don't let it pass by in fear of contention.. don't ignore it because it would be easier that way! take it by the tushy and kick it's butt! beat it til it's resolved!
My friend Whitney just got into a relationship with her boyfriend Rick.
They've known each other for a LONG time.. and they've been friends forever! Watching them through out the years.. has been like watching Lizzie and Gordo on Lizzie Mcguire.. you KNOW they're meant to be together! We've all taken bets to when this day would come!
They dated in high school for a while.. and then broke up after a year because they didn't want to mess with their friendship.. and they wanted to make sure they dated other people before they sealed the deal in the future.
This time when they finally got together (like 6 months ago) all of us placed our bet for their wedding day.. put some money in the pot.. and waited.
and waited.... and waited.......and waited..........................
It's been 6 months.. and they're not engaged. WE'RE SHOCKED!
Lizzie + Gordo = Love. = marriage. = happily ever after!! Whitney + Rick.. SHOULD = no brainer!
But talking to whitney through this relationship.. i've found that things are way harder and more complicated than either one of them had ever anticipated! They were just as shocked as we were that they weren't flying free full speed ahead without hesitation!
Although they both had dated other people since their traumatic break up in high school... they both only had one other serious relationship in their lives.
They were in these relationships in a later part of their lives.. therefore.. they were more 'grown up relationships' than the one they had had with each other all those years ago.
The people they dated opened their eyes to completely different spectrums of emotions.. because they were almost exact opposites to rick and whitney.
Rick had had a relationship with the Anti-whitney.
Whitney had had a relationship with the Anti-rick.
and now they're both so confused about what they want that they can't see the magic that everyone else can.
Whitney's ex boyfriend Winston.. has become the standard. He is what she knows and what she was last comfortable with as far as a relationship goes.. He was crazy.. out there.. took control.. took center stage.. and dragged her out to the middle with him. He did his thing.. she did hers.. and together they made this unstoppable train.
Rick.. is more reserved.. his relationship with whitney was a more private one.. they liked to spend more time alone and with their families rather than friends.. Whitney took center stage.. OR rick took center stage.. it was a trade off relationship.. as opposed to a duet centered one. They rode solo.. and took each other's back seats.
Britney.. rick's ex.. was the fan club. She was always backstage cheering rick on.. but never EVER would step into the spotlight with him. she RAN the spotlight.. making sure it was on him at all times! She became the standard for him. It was no longer a Whitney centered world.. there were other factors.. other options ..in the picture now.
With the changes and the growing that both Whit and Rick have gone through... the rest of the world sits back and we think.. daaaang they're more perfect for each other NOW than they ever were before! just IMAGINE how happy they're going to be now! they were made for each other!
But whitney is confused. so is rick. and they don't know what to do.
Mclove Dr. to the rescue.
As much as you two THINK you know each other already... from what you've told me.. all you've wanted each other to be.. is something that you're not.
You've attempted to recreate the relationships you were last in.. only with each other.
Whitney.. you are never going to BE britney.. and if rick wants that.. screw him.
I don't think he really does. He just has to reset his standard.. and figure out what about YOU that he loves.. instead of what about you is like britney that he loves.
Rick.. you could never and will never be Winston. You should accept this confidently. But you need to know that because whitney is now used to sharing the spotlight.. as opposed to sitting in the audience half the time.. that its gonna take some adjustment!
Learn to love a NEW relationship.. not hold on to an old one! you're different people! recreate the magic that all of us see in you guys!! you're not far from it already!
Set the standard of success in your relationship.. and then don't back away from it! embrace it! tackle it!!
SET high expectations.. and then meet them together!! your relationship will be stronger.. better.. and what you want.. because of it!
Don't be afraid to adjust! It's part of the process of 'becoming'.
Don't settle for the mediocrity that you're in right now.
You're making this way harder than it should be.
Each one of us is born to succeed.
In our passions.. relationships.. education.. physically.. emotionally.. spiritually.. mentally...
We are the only thing holding ourselves back. We're given the tools. We need to rise to the occasion.
My friend Jordan has always been a star athlete. In highschool.. he was an all-state soccer player.. he was fast.. athletic (obviously).. he was team captain his Jr. and Sr. year.. and he had the world at his finger tips.
Soccer had always come naturally to him... easy to him.. and he had always been the best. He never had to stretch past the point of discomfort to be ahead of the pack.
Other's looked up to him.. and he wore the mantle of leadership well. he enjoyed it. He enjoyed motivating others through his remarkable talent.
When transitioning into college soccer after a 2 year mission for his church.. his world was ROCKED.
Soccer was everything. and now soccer was HARD!
in college.. they did it differently.
in college.. he wasn't known as the best.. he left his reputation in high school and had to form a new one based on hard work and respect.
His talent was easily met with others on the team. the ONLY thing that would set him apart was his work ethic..
but he came to me and vented that he didn't know if he could do it.
he didn't know if he could spend the time and effort to work his way back up from the bottom to rise to the top in this new empire of college sports. Sure he loved soccer... but he didn't love sitting the bench in soccer taking notes.. he liked the action.. the sweat.. the WORK.. and the glory!
Jordan... my advice..
stick to it! for the first time in your life something you love is hard for you! soccer has never been hard! you have the opportunity to stretch PAST the point of discomfort.. to not sit back and let your life run it's course but to take life by the tush and fight for something!
You're finally in CONTROL of your situation! of your future!!
Don't quit because it's hard! THRIVE because it's hard! Love the difficultly.. LOVE the new challenge that it brings!! i believe in you! you need to believe in yourself!
Don't be prideful.. don't think you're above being the underdog.. and you will be better than you ever even imagined you could be!
Set the standard.. and meet it!
Place success in front of you.. and sprint your guts out to it!! don't you dare run away from it!
you can do it.
We live in a world of glass... we're so afraid of setting it off balance.. cuz it might break! we feel like everyone is looking in on us.. waiting for us to mess up.. and it paralyzes us. We're afraid of setting expectations because then people will expect us to meet them!
Glass that is left still..and let be.. will always be glass... dirty.. dusty.. ordinary.. glass..
but glass that's put through refiners fires.. time and time again.. that's paid attention to.. and perfected daily.. is made into something beautiful... something artistic.. something much more than something to look through.. its made something to look AT.
You write the recipe for your own success.. you measure it.. you make it.. and then you get to enjoy it!
Don't let yourself settle at mediocrity. STRIVE for excellence. THRIVE on the extraordinary. and push yourself past the point of discomfort to achieve it!
Don't let yourself go one DAY without being happy. You deserve so much more than that!
Go be your own miracle. Be your own self-help book.
and if you need a pick me up.. you know where to find me.
xoxo
McSwagger.
I wish my life was like a movie.
I"m obsessed with the idea of the perfect guy... or my prince charming
and i like to learn from my past.. look forward to my future.. while living in the present.
i believe in living life with no regrets.. however..
i have an epic plan i need to take up with the BIG GUY.. i think we need to develop a 'punch card' system for life..
a punch card for do-overs. a punch card for mistakes you would never admit to. a punch card for doughnuts you could eat without them showin up in your backside. a punch card for lies. a punch card for heartbreak.
and once the punch card is filled.. you put it behind you and move on.
As i look through my past... searching for moments 'do-over punch card' worthy... i imagine what i reallllly would've done differently if i could do something again..
I know all of the trials and decisions i've gone through have made me what i am today.. but was there an easier path with the same destination? did i really HAVE to cry every single one of those tears to build the heart muscle i have?
Because my mind is completely demented.. have i made life way harder than it should be in general..?
I look at times in my life where i fell into patterns of unrighteous routines. no - i'm not talking about sinning. this isn't a confession hotline.
I"m talking about times i allowed myself be less than what i was capable of being.
unfortunately.. this has happened a lot.
If each one of us takes the raw talent and potential we were given at BIRTH... and honestly evaluate what we've made of it.. i can only HOPE you're better than i am.. and that you can look yourself in the eye and say 'i'm truly the best person i can be in every area of my life'.
How many of us slack off because something comes easy? Because something is comfortable? or because we don't know how or why we would ever need it in the future..?
Mediocrity scares me. Its scares me to DEATH!..
i know without a doubt that.. good or bad (most likely bad).. there is no one in the world like me. Each one of us is like a snowflake.. if there were 2 of us... something went wrong. I know that no one in the world is capable of what im capable of. No one would do something and succeed the exact same way i would. Nobody could bring the world what i could bring it.. it comes with our individuality. Someone else could do something better.. worse... or differently than i would.. but not in the same MC-style.
I realize how much i have to offer the world... yet i have still let myself walk instead of sprint.. not lift as much weight as my muscles could take.. and mosey on through my chapters of my fairy tale that i'm in charge of writing.
My biggest fear in life.. has become my reality.
I look to my future.. and ALL i want to be is extraordinary. All i want to be is the best me i could ever even POSSIBLY be! In every area! Yet.. along my path.. i've slowed my progress.. i've slacked off.. and i've let things get in the way of my McCallness that shouldn't have.
I believe that it's not what happens to us.. but what we DO with what happens to us that determines the way we live our lives.
It's like i said... i think i've just made life way harder than it really is! I've created the image of greatness in my mind.. placed it in front of me.. and then backed away from it.
We live in a world full of expectations.
Some people believe that high expectations are in the formula of failure and discouragement..
that with low expectations you will always be happy.
These people... are retarded.
I believe in a world of HIGH expectations and the constant battle and strive to meet them! This is my definition of success! To push ourselves forward in everything.. bettering ourselves inch by inch.. day by day.. moment by moment.
I've talked before about managing expectations and how you have to set yourself up for success.. you have to make sure you set realistic expectations to alter your reality around.. but you are the author of your success.. you are the person who sets your bar.. if you set it low.. you'll never reach.. because you'll never have to.
In relationships.. i believe if an issue is there.. TACKLE IT! don't let it pass by in fear of contention.. don't ignore it because it would be easier that way! take it by the tushy and kick it's butt! beat it til it's resolved!
My friend Whitney just got into a relationship with her boyfriend Rick.
They've known each other for a LONG time.. and they've been friends forever! Watching them through out the years.. has been like watching Lizzie and Gordo on Lizzie Mcguire.. you KNOW they're meant to be together! We've all taken bets to when this day would come!
They dated in high school for a while.. and then broke up after a year because they didn't want to mess with their friendship.. and they wanted to make sure they dated other people before they sealed the deal in the future.
This time when they finally got together (like 6 months ago) all of us placed our bet for their wedding day.. put some money in the pot.. and waited.
and waited.... and waited.......and waited..........................
It's been 6 months.. and they're not engaged. WE'RE SHOCKED!
Lizzie + Gordo = Love. = marriage. = happily ever after!! Whitney + Rick.. SHOULD = no brainer!
But talking to whitney through this relationship.. i've found that things are way harder and more complicated than either one of them had ever anticipated! They were just as shocked as we were that they weren't flying free full speed ahead without hesitation!
Although they both had dated other people since their traumatic break up in high school... they both only had one other serious relationship in their lives.
They were in these relationships in a later part of their lives.. therefore.. they were more 'grown up relationships' than the one they had had with each other all those years ago.
The people they dated opened their eyes to completely different spectrums of emotions.. because they were almost exact opposites to rick and whitney.
Rick had had a relationship with the Anti-whitney.
Whitney had had a relationship with the Anti-rick.
and now they're both so confused about what they want that they can't see the magic that everyone else can.
Whitney's ex boyfriend Winston.. has become the standard. He is what she knows and what she was last comfortable with as far as a relationship goes.. He was crazy.. out there.. took control.. took center stage.. and dragged her out to the middle with him. He did his thing.. she did hers.. and together they made this unstoppable train.
Rick.. is more reserved.. his relationship with whitney was a more private one.. they liked to spend more time alone and with their families rather than friends.. Whitney took center stage.. OR rick took center stage.. it was a trade off relationship.. as opposed to a duet centered one. They rode solo.. and took each other's back seats.
Britney.. rick's ex.. was the fan club. She was always backstage cheering rick on.. but never EVER would step into the spotlight with him. she RAN the spotlight.. making sure it was on him at all times! She became the standard for him. It was no longer a Whitney centered world.. there were other factors.. other options ..in the picture now.
With the changes and the growing that both Whit and Rick have gone through... the rest of the world sits back and we think.. daaaang they're more perfect for each other NOW than they ever were before! just IMAGINE how happy they're going to be now! they were made for each other!
But whitney is confused. so is rick. and they don't know what to do.
Mclove Dr. to the rescue.
As much as you two THINK you know each other already... from what you've told me.. all you've wanted each other to be.. is something that you're not.
You've attempted to recreate the relationships you were last in.. only with each other.
Whitney.. you are never going to BE britney.. and if rick wants that.. screw him.
I don't think he really does. He just has to reset his standard.. and figure out what about YOU that he loves.. instead of what about you is like britney that he loves.
Rick.. you could never and will never be Winston. You should accept this confidently. But you need to know that because whitney is now used to sharing the spotlight.. as opposed to sitting in the audience half the time.. that its gonna take some adjustment!
Learn to love a NEW relationship.. not hold on to an old one! you're different people! recreate the magic that all of us see in you guys!! you're not far from it already!
Set the standard of success in your relationship.. and then don't back away from it! embrace it! tackle it!!
SET high expectations.. and then meet them together!! your relationship will be stronger.. better.. and what you want.. because of it!
Don't be afraid to adjust! It's part of the process of 'becoming'.
Don't settle for the mediocrity that you're in right now.
You're making this way harder than it should be.
Each one of us is born to succeed.
In our passions.. relationships.. education.. physically.. emotionally.. spiritually.. mentally...
We are the only thing holding ourselves back. We're given the tools. We need to rise to the occasion.
My friend Jordan has always been a star athlete. In highschool.. he was an all-state soccer player.. he was fast.. athletic (obviously).. he was team captain his Jr. and Sr. year.. and he had the world at his finger tips.
Soccer had always come naturally to him... easy to him.. and he had always been the best. He never had to stretch past the point of discomfort to be ahead of the pack.
Other's looked up to him.. and he wore the mantle of leadership well. he enjoyed it. He enjoyed motivating others through his remarkable talent.
When transitioning into college soccer after a 2 year mission for his church.. his world was ROCKED.
Soccer was everything. and now soccer was HARD!
in college.. they did it differently.
in college.. he wasn't known as the best.. he left his reputation in high school and had to form a new one based on hard work and respect.
His talent was easily met with others on the team. the ONLY thing that would set him apart was his work ethic..
but he came to me and vented that he didn't know if he could do it.
he didn't know if he could spend the time and effort to work his way back up from the bottom to rise to the top in this new empire of college sports. Sure he loved soccer... but he didn't love sitting the bench in soccer taking notes.. he liked the action.. the sweat.. the WORK.. and the glory!
Jordan... my advice..
stick to it! for the first time in your life something you love is hard for you! soccer has never been hard! you have the opportunity to stretch PAST the point of discomfort.. to not sit back and let your life run it's course but to take life by the tush and fight for something!
You're finally in CONTROL of your situation! of your future!!
Don't quit because it's hard! THRIVE because it's hard! Love the difficultly.. LOVE the new challenge that it brings!! i believe in you! you need to believe in yourself!
Don't be prideful.. don't think you're above being the underdog.. and you will be better than you ever even imagined you could be!
Set the standard.. and meet it!
Place success in front of you.. and sprint your guts out to it!! don't you dare run away from it!
you can do it.
We live in a world of glass... we're so afraid of setting it off balance.. cuz it might break! we feel like everyone is looking in on us.. waiting for us to mess up.. and it paralyzes us. We're afraid of setting expectations because then people will expect us to meet them!
Glass that is left still..and let be.. will always be glass... dirty.. dusty.. ordinary.. glass..
but glass that's put through refiners fires.. time and time again.. that's paid attention to.. and perfected daily.. is made into something beautiful... something artistic.. something much more than something to look through.. its made something to look AT.
You write the recipe for your own success.. you measure it.. you make it.. and then you get to enjoy it!
Don't let yourself settle at mediocrity. STRIVE for excellence. THRIVE on the extraordinary. and push yourself past the point of discomfort to achieve it!
Don't let yourself go one DAY without being happy. You deserve so much more than that!
Go be your own miracle. Be your own self-help book.
and if you need a pick me up.. you know where to find me.
xoxo
McSwagger.
April 1, 2011
..Lessons Learned..
The other day i sat and tried to imagine the rest of my life..
I'm at an age where i'm supposed to be able to do this to some extent... Where i take all the advice i've acquired in my life.. filter it.. and apply it the way i feel will be most beneficial to my future.
When reminiscing the last 20 years.. certain memories stand out more than others..
Sometimes i think my mind is demented... I remember the oddest things about my past..
extremely specific experiences.. extremely specific words that were said.. that made me feel a very specific way. Why i remember SOME and not others i have no idea.. But for some reason.. these things have stuck with me and changed me in some ways forever...
How can i use these random teaching moments now.. in this confusing time in my life that feels like i'm stuck in a revolving door.. while i attempt to figure out the NEXT 20 years..? Well you know me.. i'm about to tell you!
These memories are completely random.. the people that said what they said probably had no IDEA i'd remember it past that very moment.. but each one planted a seed that grew into either a monster or a mountain in my life. (i know what you're thinking.. where can i get me some mountain seeds... check smiths market place.. or walmart.. they have everything there)
When i was like..8..? i was at church in my sunday school class. wait wait wait... let me give you a visual of how i was when i was 8... i thought i was friggin awesome. ... ok that's all you need to know..
i was sitting there and it came time to pray.. the little boy named Sam in my class.. bless his heart.. stood up to pray.
He blessed each one of us individually.. blessed the black board.. blessed the chairs.. blessed the grass.. blessed the trees... and then he blessed the food.
hm... food...? food.... dang that sunday school class must've been awesome if it had food!! ....no. we didn't have any food.
When the prayer was over.. i looked at him in all my sassy-ness and said... "bless the food?"
WHACK. the teacher looked at me... and all he said was.. "McCall.... do we make fun of people when they pray..?"
i literally have never been the same! I'm so sorry sam! you can bless the dang food if you want to! I was in the wrong. i hope your now 22 year old self.. where ever you are.. can see past me putting you down when we were 7.
Lesson: Never put others down to make someone laugh.. draw attention to yourself.. or make YOU feel better about yourself. bless the dang food if you want to bless the dang food. you'll eat it eventually!
This statement.. was sooooo simple. he didn't even SCOLD me.. he just gave me "the look".
If you've ever been a teenager.. you know EXACTLY what look i'm talking about..
the disappointed.. 'you know better' look that could melt a steel house!
Another lesson i learned from my 8 year old moment of shame was.. don't do things for others.. do things for yourself! Don't look to others for approval.. don't validate yourself in the opinion of another.. you will never be happy if you do!
Dress the way YOU want to dress.. talk the way YOU want to talk.. treat others the way YOU want to treat them.. DON'T just go with the crowd!
.. some people think that gossiping and putting others down is a thing of the past... that it's 'Soooo highschool' but the reality of it.. is that it goes on forever and ever.. mama drama.. grandma drama.. you'll never escape it if you feed into it. and nobody likes being the subject of ridicule even if it's in a joking matter.. Learn from MY mistake...
Don't make fun of people when they pray.
Another epic life-changing moment.. was in the first grade.
my mom was in charge of the school's upcoming event.. it was a 'Sock-Hop' where everyone dressed up in poodle skirts and Greese t-shirts and came and rocked out to 'rockin around the clock' and 'Greese Lightning' all night long..
in the middle of one of mama kel's finer moments of jumping around and singing while building the set.. she stepped on a board that should NOT have been where it was....
2 nails went all the way through her foot.. leaving her on crutches for the week.
When she came to see me in my first grade class room... i had a complete panic attack when she walked away.. i couldn't BREATHE.. and i started to cry..
now ok.. i know all yall are thinkin.. first grader.. crying... that's not weird at all you freak... but i was the girl that NEVER cried.. i was just as tough as the nails that went through mama kel's foot.. THIS. WAS. RARE!
As i sat there in my 2 foot high desk.. trying to hide this scene from the rest of the class.. the boy that i was in LOVE with came up to me and said 3 words... "are you ok?"
not the- i'm a first grade little punk and i'm trying to draw attention to you and make sure your head isn't gonna explode - kind of are you ok.....
but he said it like he genuinely cared about if i was ok or not..
in this moment.. i fell in love with him.. with boys..
i fell in love with love.
I played 'boys chase girls' (ya we were realll creative with our names) at recess.. shoe football.. and would call boys with my best friend hannah.. tell them we thought they were cute.. and hang up.
This love of boys.. and love in general... has only grown ever since.
yup. folks.. i started young..
Lesson: McCall is boy crazy. and has been since the first grade... alright.. this is more of a fact..
Lesson: never hesitate to tell those you care about how you feel about them.
In 'My best friend's wedding' when michael and Julia are talking on the boat on the epic day together.. he tells her.. that when you love someone.. and you feel the urge to say it.. never EVER let that moment get away from you! cuz you can never get it back! If you feel it.. SAY IT!
express gratitude.. express love.. and express compassion in ever way you can. Since this day in the first grade... every friend.. every family member.. every person that i love.. i make sure they know that i love them.
Everyone likes to be loved. common now. Make someone's day.. make someone's life.. go grab your mommy and tell her that you love her.
When i was in 5th grade i remember i hated my teacher.. i have no idea why!.. there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her.. but i wanted to be in a different class!!
i remember 2 things about 5th grade...
1... that i was sitting in my social studies class in a different classroom (the class i actually WANTED to be in..) and the teacher started going off on how it would be if the world was perfect....
"in a perfect world.. THIS whiteboard marker would work... THESE desks would be straight... THAT paper wouldn't be on the floor..." "AND I WOULD BE IN YOUR CLASS" I yelled back.
.. told you i was a punk.
the second thing i remember is at the end of the year.. this teacher that i could find nothing RIGHT with that i had... copied off these cartoon books for tracing for all the girls in my class..
they were heavy duty! and i know it took her a long time!
for the first time.. i appreciated what she was doing for us.. and i was able to recognize that she was doing her bloody best and i needed to give her a break!!
i vowed after that day to never judge someone.. and to actually get to know people as much as i could.
In the 7th grade i got my first official boyfriend. He was a friggin stud for a 7th grader!
After 3 weeks of being his girlfriend.. it was his birthday. so.. being the adorable little 7th grade girlfriend that i was.. i decorated his locker.. filling it with cookies.. candy.. streamers.. confetti.. all that good stuff.
I found that i LIKED doing things for my boyfriends. I had a blast!
well.... like 2 weeks after his birthday.. my parents told me that duuh i wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend.. so.. i broke up with him.. but i still liked him a lot!
My best friend at the time apparently liked him a lot too......
literally the next class period after i broke up with him.. she moved in like a vulture!
she told him that just because I couldn't have a boyfriend didn't mean HE shouldn't have a girlfriend... psh.. ho.
This day is the day i learned that girls will ALWAYS put a guy before another girl if they think they have a chance to succeed with him.
Then 8th grade i got a boyfriend that was a LOT older than me...
yes i thought it was pimpin.. woot woot.
after like 2 months of that.. i decided that it was time for us to break up.. over text messaging.. BAD call on my part..
i was a heartless.. careless being.. i'm sorry 8th grade boyfriend for denying the 45 times you called me.. i'm sorry that i thought text was a valid way to break your little heart. i was a tool.
I've fallen in love with a wide variety of fellas throughout the years. Covering the spectrome of personalities... styles.. heights.. "groups".. hair length.. its been quite the adventure..
All of these little L loves have taught me different things about preferences.. tolerance.. expectations.. and mostly things about myself that i never knew..
All of them have been preparing me to fall in BIG L love.. the kind that really counts..
With all of their differences.. the roster has got me thinking...
what kind of a guy is really right for me?
I've dated tools... anti-tools.. outspoken guys.. shy dudes.. and i've had good and bad experiences with all of the above!
When i filmed HSM2.. i was dating a boy that was very similar to me. we were both outgoing.. loud.. fun.. whatever.
When kenny ortega saw that i was born as the biggest flirt on the planet.. he decided he needed to give me relationship advice..
he told me that i would end up with someone completely different than me.. that i needed someone quiet.. and more behind the scenes... That anyone that was like me would try to dim my light and it would be a constant battle of who would come out on top..
So.. do opposites attract? or do similar people have less of a gap to fill with dumb stuff?
my theory?
It's all about complimenting each other...
The reason people say that opposites attract.. the reason kenny told me to find someone completely different than me is.. when one person is a lover.. and one is a fighter.. the arguments will always be one sided.. and most likely.. reeeaaalll short.
If you have someone that is outgoing.. and someone that's shy... or someone that talks alot.. and someone that rarely says jack.. there will never be a contest of who carries conversations.. and the convos will.. again.. be one sided...
I'm sure finding my opposite in life would make relationships easier.. but is easier better?
i say NO.
i want someone who is JUST as much the life of the party as i am!
someone who can carry a conversation with me when i feel like not talking!
who can fire ME up.. when my fire dims!
i want to be a Brad Pitt.. Angelina Jolie.. couple. 2 powerhouses that combine to form this amazing atomic force that nothing can stop!
It doesn't mean you shouldn't look for the things you lack in someone else..
you just need to find someone that compliments your personality and lifestyle..
someone that calms you.. someone that understands you.. and someone that will stay by you no matter what! Someone that loves you for being YOU.. and wouldn't change ONE thing about you..
someone that makes you want to be better!
Depending on where you are in your life.. you have to understand that there's a difference between a person and their performance...
sometimes you have to give people a break when they're screwing up..
Like in 'A walk to remember'.. Jamie sullivan is a saint... Landon is NOT.
however.. Jamie had faith that Landon could be so much more than he was acting like..
On the surface.. they WERE opposites... but when they got to know each other and understood each other... they found that they complimented each other perfectly!
Who Landon was as a person and what he was doing as a performance were 2 different things. Jamie separated them and found her prince charming under all his crap..
I want someone extraordinary.. that makes me want to be extraordinary too..
While forming a future.. and paving a path.. all of these lessons will definitely be taken into consideration.. and hopefully make me a better future McCall..
These dumb.. seemingly insignificant things.. have helped mold me today..and will help mold me into tomorrow...
ok.. final lesson...
you see how little these instances are...
not one of them is some catastrophic event that shook my world and altered my universe..
but for some reason, they've stuck with me..
All of us have these times... we need to be careful about the influence we have on others..
we never know when someone is going to remember that ONE thing that you said to them.. that ONE time..
live by example.. show up on the POSITIVE check list in people's lives.. not the negative!
Help make those around you better! We're all trying to make it to the future alive and better than we were in our past... together.. we can accomplish it!
Until Tomorrow!
xoxo
-Callymon
I'm at an age where i'm supposed to be able to do this to some extent... Where i take all the advice i've acquired in my life.. filter it.. and apply it the way i feel will be most beneficial to my future.
When reminiscing the last 20 years.. certain memories stand out more than others..
Sometimes i think my mind is demented... I remember the oddest things about my past..
extremely specific experiences.. extremely specific words that were said.. that made me feel a very specific way. Why i remember SOME and not others i have no idea.. But for some reason.. these things have stuck with me and changed me in some ways forever...
How can i use these random teaching moments now.. in this confusing time in my life that feels like i'm stuck in a revolving door.. while i attempt to figure out the NEXT 20 years..? Well you know me.. i'm about to tell you!
These memories are completely random.. the people that said what they said probably had no IDEA i'd remember it past that very moment.. but each one planted a seed that grew into either a monster or a mountain in my life. (i know what you're thinking.. where can i get me some mountain seeds... check smiths market place.. or walmart.. they have everything there)
When i was like..8..? i was at church in my sunday school class. wait wait wait... let me give you a visual of how i was when i was 8... i thought i was friggin awesome. ... ok that's all you need to know..
i was sitting there and it came time to pray.. the little boy named Sam in my class.. bless his heart.. stood up to pray.
He blessed each one of us individually.. blessed the black board.. blessed the chairs.. blessed the grass.. blessed the trees... and then he blessed the food.
hm... food...? food.... dang that sunday school class must've been awesome if it had food!! ....no. we didn't have any food.
When the prayer was over.. i looked at him in all my sassy-ness and said... "bless the food?"
WHACK. the teacher looked at me... and all he said was.. "McCall.... do we make fun of people when they pray..?"
i literally have never been the same! I'm so sorry sam! you can bless the dang food if you want to! I was in the wrong. i hope your now 22 year old self.. where ever you are.. can see past me putting you down when we were 7.
Lesson: Never put others down to make someone laugh.. draw attention to yourself.. or make YOU feel better about yourself. bless the dang food if you want to bless the dang food. you'll eat it eventually!
This statement.. was sooooo simple. he didn't even SCOLD me.. he just gave me "the look".
If you've ever been a teenager.. you know EXACTLY what look i'm talking about..
the disappointed.. 'you know better' look that could melt a steel house!
Another lesson i learned from my 8 year old moment of shame was.. don't do things for others.. do things for yourself! Don't look to others for approval.. don't validate yourself in the opinion of another.. you will never be happy if you do!
Dress the way YOU want to dress.. talk the way YOU want to talk.. treat others the way YOU want to treat them.. DON'T just go with the crowd!
.. some people think that gossiping and putting others down is a thing of the past... that it's 'Soooo highschool' but the reality of it.. is that it goes on forever and ever.. mama drama.. grandma drama.. you'll never escape it if you feed into it. and nobody likes being the subject of ridicule even if it's in a joking matter.. Learn from MY mistake...
Don't make fun of people when they pray.
Another epic life-changing moment.. was in the first grade.
my mom was in charge of the school's upcoming event.. it was a 'Sock-Hop' where everyone dressed up in poodle skirts and Greese t-shirts and came and rocked out to 'rockin around the clock' and 'Greese Lightning' all night long..
in the middle of one of mama kel's finer moments of jumping around and singing while building the set.. she stepped on a board that should NOT have been where it was....
2 nails went all the way through her foot.. leaving her on crutches for the week.
When she came to see me in my first grade class room... i had a complete panic attack when she walked away.. i couldn't BREATHE.. and i started to cry..
now ok.. i know all yall are thinkin.. first grader.. crying... that's not weird at all you freak... but i was the girl that NEVER cried.. i was just as tough as the nails that went through mama kel's foot.. THIS. WAS. RARE!
As i sat there in my 2 foot high desk.. trying to hide this scene from the rest of the class.. the boy that i was in LOVE with came up to me and said 3 words... "are you ok?"
not the- i'm a first grade little punk and i'm trying to draw attention to you and make sure your head isn't gonna explode - kind of are you ok.....
but he said it like he genuinely cared about if i was ok or not..
in this moment.. i fell in love with him.. with boys..
i fell in love with love.
I played 'boys chase girls' (ya we were realll creative with our names) at recess.. shoe football.. and would call boys with my best friend hannah.. tell them we thought they were cute.. and hang up.
This love of boys.. and love in general... has only grown ever since.
yup. folks.. i started young..
Lesson: McCall is boy crazy. and has been since the first grade... alright.. this is more of a fact..
Lesson: never hesitate to tell those you care about how you feel about them.
In 'My best friend's wedding' when michael and Julia are talking on the boat on the epic day together.. he tells her.. that when you love someone.. and you feel the urge to say it.. never EVER let that moment get away from you! cuz you can never get it back! If you feel it.. SAY IT!
express gratitude.. express love.. and express compassion in ever way you can. Since this day in the first grade... every friend.. every family member.. every person that i love.. i make sure they know that i love them.
Everyone likes to be loved. common now. Make someone's day.. make someone's life.. go grab your mommy and tell her that you love her.
When i was in 5th grade i remember i hated my teacher.. i have no idea why!.. there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her.. but i wanted to be in a different class!!
i remember 2 things about 5th grade...
1... that i was sitting in my social studies class in a different classroom (the class i actually WANTED to be in..) and the teacher started going off on how it would be if the world was perfect....
"in a perfect world.. THIS whiteboard marker would work... THESE desks would be straight... THAT paper wouldn't be on the floor..." "AND I WOULD BE IN YOUR CLASS" I yelled back.
.. told you i was a punk.
the second thing i remember is at the end of the year.. this teacher that i could find nothing RIGHT with that i had... copied off these cartoon books for tracing for all the girls in my class..
they were heavy duty! and i know it took her a long time!
for the first time.. i appreciated what she was doing for us.. and i was able to recognize that she was doing her bloody best and i needed to give her a break!!
i vowed after that day to never judge someone.. and to actually get to know people as much as i could.
In the 7th grade i got my first official boyfriend. He was a friggin stud for a 7th grader!
After 3 weeks of being his girlfriend.. it was his birthday. so.. being the adorable little 7th grade girlfriend that i was.. i decorated his locker.. filling it with cookies.. candy.. streamers.. confetti.. all that good stuff.
I found that i LIKED doing things for my boyfriends. I had a blast!
well.... like 2 weeks after his birthday.. my parents told me that duuh i wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend.. so.. i broke up with him.. but i still liked him a lot!
My best friend at the time apparently liked him a lot too......
literally the next class period after i broke up with him.. she moved in like a vulture!
she told him that just because I couldn't have a boyfriend didn't mean HE shouldn't have a girlfriend... psh.. ho.
This day is the day i learned that girls will ALWAYS put a guy before another girl if they think they have a chance to succeed with him.
Then 8th grade i got a boyfriend that was a LOT older than me...
yes i thought it was pimpin.. woot woot.
after like 2 months of that.. i decided that it was time for us to break up.. over text messaging.. BAD call on my part..
i was a heartless.. careless being.. i'm sorry 8th grade boyfriend for denying the 45 times you called me.. i'm sorry that i thought text was a valid way to break your little heart. i was a tool.
I've fallen in love with a wide variety of fellas throughout the years. Covering the spectrome of personalities... styles.. heights.. "groups".. hair length.. its been quite the adventure..
All of these little L loves have taught me different things about preferences.. tolerance.. expectations.. and mostly things about myself that i never knew..
All of them have been preparing me to fall in BIG L love.. the kind that really counts..
With all of their differences.. the roster has got me thinking...
what kind of a guy is really right for me?
I've dated tools... anti-tools.. outspoken guys.. shy dudes.. and i've had good and bad experiences with all of the above!
When i filmed HSM2.. i was dating a boy that was very similar to me. we were both outgoing.. loud.. fun.. whatever.
When kenny ortega saw that i was born as the biggest flirt on the planet.. he decided he needed to give me relationship advice..
he told me that i would end up with someone completely different than me.. that i needed someone quiet.. and more behind the scenes... That anyone that was like me would try to dim my light and it would be a constant battle of who would come out on top..
So.. do opposites attract? or do similar people have less of a gap to fill with dumb stuff?
my theory?
It's all about complimenting each other...
The reason people say that opposites attract.. the reason kenny told me to find someone completely different than me is.. when one person is a lover.. and one is a fighter.. the arguments will always be one sided.. and most likely.. reeeaaalll short.
If you have someone that is outgoing.. and someone that's shy... or someone that talks alot.. and someone that rarely says jack.. there will never be a contest of who carries conversations.. and the convos will.. again.. be one sided...
I'm sure finding my opposite in life would make relationships easier.. but is easier better?
i say NO.
i want someone who is JUST as much the life of the party as i am!
someone who can carry a conversation with me when i feel like not talking!
who can fire ME up.. when my fire dims!
i want to be a Brad Pitt.. Angelina Jolie.. couple. 2 powerhouses that combine to form this amazing atomic force that nothing can stop!
It doesn't mean you shouldn't look for the things you lack in someone else..
you just need to find someone that compliments your personality and lifestyle..
someone that calms you.. someone that understands you.. and someone that will stay by you no matter what! Someone that loves you for being YOU.. and wouldn't change ONE thing about you..
someone that makes you want to be better!
Depending on where you are in your life.. you have to understand that there's a difference between a person and their performance...
sometimes you have to give people a break when they're screwing up..
Like in 'A walk to remember'.. Jamie sullivan is a saint... Landon is NOT.
however.. Jamie had faith that Landon could be so much more than he was acting like..
On the surface.. they WERE opposites... but when they got to know each other and understood each other... they found that they complimented each other perfectly!
Who Landon was as a person and what he was doing as a performance were 2 different things. Jamie separated them and found her prince charming under all his crap..
I want someone extraordinary.. that makes me want to be extraordinary too..
While forming a future.. and paving a path.. all of these lessons will definitely be taken into consideration.. and hopefully make me a better future McCall..
These dumb.. seemingly insignificant things.. have helped mold me today..and will help mold me into tomorrow...
ok.. final lesson...
you see how little these instances are...
not one of them is some catastrophic event that shook my world and altered my universe..
but for some reason, they've stuck with me..
All of us have these times... we need to be careful about the influence we have on others..
we never know when someone is going to remember that ONE thing that you said to them.. that ONE time..
live by example.. show up on the POSITIVE check list in people's lives.. not the negative!
Help make those around you better! We're all trying to make it to the future alive and better than we were in our past... together.. we can accomplish it!
Until Tomorrow!
xoxo
-Callymon
March 30, 2011
...Under my skin...
It's pretty safe to say we're all human.
None of us are perfect.. and with our imperfections come different levels of tolerance for other people's imperfections.
If we were perfect.. no one would be able to judge us.. or i guess they could TRY but.. chances are.. they wouldn't find anything wrong with us. If we were perfect we could then look to another and say.. i don't like this about you because.. obviously you're not perfect like i am.. so you should change it.
The Perfect person could take it upon themselves to set a standard list of pet peeves. A list of things that are ALLOWED to bug other people.
Lucky for us... this list is WAAAAAAY TOO LONG! because most people in the world... take it upon themselves to be this.. one perfect person.
I don't like it when girls act dumber than they are because they think it's attractive.. i enjoy being and feeling like an intelligent human being.. i think they should enjoy acting like they have a brain.
I don't like that guys encourage this bimbo-ness. cuz then girls think it's sexy.. and it's retarded.
I cringe when people pop their necks.. but think it's kinda sexy when guys pop their knuckles.
I hate it when people think they know me.. or attempt to explain me to other people like they're an expert.. cuz.. homie.. you don't know me. (although chances are you just might through this blog..)
I hate it when i'm with a girl that will talk crap on her best friend.... if you're talking about your BFF this way.. what the heck are you saying about me as soon as i walk away?! Be loyal to those who aren't present! have the back of someone who can't have their own! ESPECIALLY when it's your best friend! the closer you get to someone.. doesn't entitle you to talk as much heat on them as you want!
Most pet peeves shouldn't even COUNT as peeves... because they are only directed at hm.. ONE PERSON. you hate it when that ONE PERSON does this.. or that..
This happens a lot in dating.
You let yourself get suuuper bugged over stuuuupid things.. and sometimes not so stupid things...
A couple months ago my friend Abby was dating these 2 guys.. playa playa i know..
One of them.. Ron.. was an amazingly fantastic guy! He. was. a. catch.
he was good to her.. attractive... they went on fun dates.. he was funny..he was in love with her.. he had it all together.
After about a month of dating Won Won.. he called her HUN.
"Hun.. what are you doin?" "lets go hun.."
and oooooooooh was she buuuugggggeeeeddd..
in 5.2 seconds it went from.. 'i could totally see this going somewhere..' to 'DEATH AND PAIN TO WON WON!!'
it just grossed her out in every way shape and form.
... understandable right..?
no. she's on crack.
cuz the other guy she was hanging out with and dating.. named Winston.. called her hun all the time.
He was more of the bad boy... attractive.. rode motorcycles.. they went on fun dates.. he was in love with her.. they saw each other literally every single day... he had it all together too..
Winston called her hun.. babe.. baby.. all of the above.. and it never bugged her! she thought it was cute when he did it! She would even call him hun back!
I have another friend in the same kind of situation..
My friend Samantha has this HUGE pet peeve about guys calling her babe..
She had a boyfriend in high school a thousand years ago that called her babe.. she's still traumatized by it.. soooo... every time a guy calls her babe.. he gets kicked to the curb cuz she JUST can't get over it!!!
The trouble that comes from being so dang bugged about everything.. is that in a relationship... there are 2 different people involved... unless of course you fit the tool mold.. cuz we know they all love themselves.
With these 2 different people.. they form ONE relationship.
When it comes to dating and marrying these people... we have to decide what we can live with and what we can absolutely NOT live with..
We have to decide what is a 'changing' peeve and what an 'acceptance' peeve is.
If the guy i'm dating calls me DUDE.. MAN.. BRO.. HOMIE... any of the above... imma slap him upside the head until he stops! soooo unattractive guys.. common now.
NO girl wants to be called 'BUD'. it's just gross. however... i'm sure if you get smacked around.. this can be an accepting peeve. cuz iT WILL CHANGE but i accept the fact that it's small and i can live with it for the 5 seconds that it happens.. trust me.. it'll change dang fast if homeboy doesn't want a concussion.
If i'm dating a guy thats rude to his mom however.... this is a changing peeve.. cuz FIRST OFF it's a HUGE red flag.. and SECOND... if it doesn't change then... see ya never bud.
this is something i wont budge on.. you are treating your mom how you are going to treat me as soon as we get past the 'pretend you're perfect until they commit' phase and get comfortable enough to be grumpy and treat each other like crap phase..
not ok. check yourself or get out of my life.
Pet peeve: i HATE it when a guy cares more about what i look like than i do... if i choose to not wear make up and wear sweats one day.. you'll get over it! i'm not gonna get decked to the nines every single friggin day. i like to chill.. fill your prescription of chill pills that CLEARLY you've been out of for a while.. and get in sweats WITH ME! now THAT is attractive. i wont be a slob all the time.. but when i do.. love me for it.. or get off your high horse and die. or.. go find prom dress barbie.. cuz reality barbie likes sweats.
This could be an accepting peeve because even if i dated a guy that hated me in sweats.. first off.. you have to know me well enough that i'd still wear them.. BUT.. i could compromise and get dressed up more.. i could accept it and go around it.. it wouldn't make or break anything.. accept maybe his arm.
Pet Peeve: Lying.
i know a lot of guys that lie.. JUST TO LIE! there is absolutely NO point in telling me that you don't talk to any other girls if you really do... i didn't ask! i wasn't prying! why the heck did you say it JUST to lie about it?? thats RETARDED.. and again.. a HUGE red flag.
and like lying about where you are... who the freak cares where you are.. why are you lying about it? it's not a big deal.. and you make yourself a total sketch ball every time you lie..
This is a changing peeve.. cuz if it didn't change.. there wouldn't BE a relationship.. there wouldn't BE a chick for him to lie to anymore.
Even when you see them lie to other people.. their parents included.. about dumb stuff you know not to be true... RED. FLAG. KNOCK IT OFF OR YOU WILL DIE ALONE.
Other pet peeves:
Texting on dates: PUT YOUR DANG PHONE DOWN! I'm only with you for like an hour.. you are not a doctor.. you are NOT on call at a hospital.. the world isn't going to end while we're on our date.. and if it does... nobody's gonna TEXT you about it fool.
i am in front of you.. i should be a priority..
Guys that aren't gentlemen: get my door.. say please and thank you.. treat me with respect.. or don't expect a second THOUGHT let alone a second date!
Guys that talk like they don't speak english.. or like they didn't pass the 2nd grade:
'yo guuurl wasss good?'.. clearly not your literacy.
'i wuzz like thinkin we should get togetha or sumfin fun reeallss soon.. ya feel me?'...yaaaa.. i'm gonna say NO.
'what doing'.. excuse me?
'you h8ter.. you don like mah staheeeeze?'
no you retard. i don't... speak english.
Guys that say 'lol': to ME.. it's a sign of femininity.. when in an actual convo would you stop and say.. "lol".. never.
say haha. it shows that you're actually laughing.
-i fully admit that this is one of my retarded ones. i apologize.. but it bugs.
I"m gonna throw in when people don't return phone calls and/or text back.. cuz i never ever do and i know it bugs people... i'm sorry!!
buuut. let me chastise my people..
fellow lazy people that hate cell phones... we have 3 seconds to shoot someone a text back or 10 seconds to answer a phone call no matter what we're doing.. we need to be more considerate.
People that don't say thank you:
This is HUGE with girls on dates... hun.. the dude just paid for your entire evening.. nope.. nope he didn't HAVE to... it's nowhere in the rule book! he just did something VERY nice for you... and i KNOW he likes to be appreciated... SAY THANK YOU!!
If i'm on a date with a guy and he's not nice to the waiting staff.. i'm like seeee yyaaaaaa you jerk.. treat every single person like they're important. be classy.
Someone who wont take the person they're dating around their friends:
What are you....? ashamed of them? If YOU like them.. chances are.. your friends are gonna be JUST fine with them! and if you see it going ANYWHERE.. and you would like to have SOME friends in the future... you need to mesh the 2.
A common one i've found with girls:
guys that just want to 'hang out' and not 'date'..
where is hanging out gonna get you? nowhere. ask a chick on a date.
A common one with dudes:
Girls think that guys have to initiate EVERYTHING..
girls girls GIRLS!!! yall need to man up and don't make them do ALL the work!!
ya at first it's nice to be pursued.. but if you don't give ANYTHING back.. they're gonna get tired of chasin it..
show affection back! kiss them first sometimes! make them dinner! pay for the dollar movie every once in a while! let them know that you care!
The problem with being human is that we ALL have imperfections.. and chances are.. we find our OWN imperfections unattractive and annoying in other people...
THATS BAD.
we need to learn to accept people how they are.. and when the couple 'changing' peeves come up.. then it's ok to talk about them...
if you start out fundamentally saying EVERY. SINGLE. THING. you want to change about someone... go find someone else!!
Don't judge.. you're not perfect. Don't gossip.. you would hate to be on the losing end of it..
and take constructive criticism with an open mind and a grain of salt.. cuz people are DIFFERENT... they're SUPPOSED TO BE! Everyone can be refined.. and when we find and date people that make us better people.. we will know that we've won.
BE different. BE yourself.. and you'll BE happy.
Until Tomorrow!
xoxox
-Callymon
None of us are perfect.. and with our imperfections come different levels of tolerance for other people's imperfections.
If we were perfect.. no one would be able to judge us.. or i guess they could TRY but.. chances are.. they wouldn't find anything wrong with us. If we were perfect we could then look to another and say.. i don't like this about you because.. obviously you're not perfect like i am.. so you should change it.
The Perfect person could take it upon themselves to set a standard list of pet peeves. A list of things that are ALLOWED to bug other people.
Lucky for us... this list is WAAAAAAY TOO LONG! because most people in the world... take it upon themselves to be this.. one perfect person.
I don't like it when girls act dumber than they are because they think it's attractive.. i enjoy being and feeling like an intelligent human being.. i think they should enjoy acting like they have a brain.
I don't like that guys encourage this bimbo-ness. cuz then girls think it's sexy.. and it's retarded.
I cringe when people pop their necks.. but think it's kinda sexy when guys pop their knuckles.
I hate it when people think they know me.. or attempt to explain me to other people like they're an expert.. cuz.. homie.. you don't know me. (although chances are you just might through this blog..)
I hate it when i'm with a girl that will talk crap on her best friend.... if you're talking about your BFF this way.. what the heck are you saying about me as soon as i walk away?! Be loyal to those who aren't present! have the back of someone who can't have their own! ESPECIALLY when it's your best friend! the closer you get to someone.. doesn't entitle you to talk as much heat on them as you want!
Most pet peeves shouldn't even COUNT as peeves... because they are only directed at hm.. ONE PERSON. you hate it when that ONE PERSON does this.. or that..
This happens a lot in dating.
You let yourself get suuuper bugged over stuuuupid things.. and sometimes not so stupid things...
A couple months ago my friend Abby was dating these 2 guys.. playa playa i know..
One of them.. Ron.. was an amazingly fantastic guy! He. was. a. catch.
he was good to her.. attractive... they went on fun dates.. he was funny..he was in love with her.. he had it all together.
After about a month of dating Won Won.. he called her HUN.
"Hun.. what are you doin?" "lets go hun.."
and oooooooooh was she buuuugggggeeeeddd..
in 5.2 seconds it went from.. 'i could totally see this going somewhere..' to 'DEATH AND PAIN TO WON WON!!'
it just grossed her out in every way shape and form.
... understandable right..?
no. she's on crack.
cuz the other guy she was hanging out with and dating.. named Winston.. called her hun all the time.
He was more of the bad boy... attractive.. rode motorcycles.. they went on fun dates.. he was in love with her.. they saw each other literally every single day... he had it all together too..
Winston called her hun.. babe.. baby.. all of the above.. and it never bugged her! she thought it was cute when he did it! She would even call him hun back!
I have another friend in the same kind of situation..
My friend Samantha has this HUGE pet peeve about guys calling her babe..
She had a boyfriend in high school a thousand years ago that called her babe.. she's still traumatized by it.. soooo... every time a guy calls her babe.. he gets kicked to the curb cuz she JUST can't get over it!!!
The trouble that comes from being so dang bugged about everything.. is that in a relationship... there are 2 different people involved... unless of course you fit the tool mold.. cuz we know they all love themselves.
With these 2 different people.. they form ONE relationship.
When it comes to dating and marrying these people... we have to decide what we can live with and what we can absolutely NOT live with..
We have to decide what is a 'changing' peeve and what an 'acceptance' peeve is.
If the guy i'm dating calls me DUDE.. MAN.. BRO.. HOMIE... any of the above... imma slap him upside the head until he stops! soooo unattractive guys.. common now.
NO girl wants to be called 'BUD'. it's just gross. however... i'm sure if you get smacked around.. this can be an accepting peeve. cuz iT WILL CHANGE but i accept the fact that it's small and i can live with it for the 5 seconds that it happens.. trust me.. it'll change dang fast if homeboy doesn't want a concussion.
If i'm dating a guy thats rude to his mom however.... this is a changing peeve.. cuz FIRST OFF it's a HUGE red flag.. and SECOND... if it doesn't change then... see ya never bud.
this is something i wont budge on.. you are treating your mom how you are going to treat me as soon as we get past the 'pretend you're perfect until they commit' phase and get comfortable enough to be grumpy and treat each other like crap phase..
not ok. check yourself or get out of my life.
Pet peeve: i HATE it when a guy cares more about what i look like than i do... if i choose to not wear make up and wear sweats one day.. you'll get over it! i'm not gonna get decked to the nines every single friggin day. i like to chill.. fill your prescription of chill pills that CLEARLY you've been out of for a while.. and get in sweats WITH ME! now THAT is attractive. i wont be a slob all the time.. but when i do.. love me for it.. or get off your high horse and die. or.. go find prom dress barbie.. cuz reality barbie likes sweats.
This could be an accepting peeve because even if i dated a guy that hated me in sweats.. first off.. you have to know me well enough that i'd still wear them.. BUT.. i could compromise and get dressed up more.. i could accept it and go around it.. it wouldn't make or break anything.. accept maybe his arm.
Pet Peeve: Lying.
i know a lot of guys that lie.. JUST TO LIE! there is absolutely NO point in telling me that you don't talk to any other girls if you really do... i didn't ask! i wasn't prying! why the heck did you say it JUST to lie about it?? thats RETARDED.. and again.. a HUGE red flag.
and like lying about where you are... who the freak cares where you are.. why are you lying about it? it's not a big deal.. and you make yourself a total sketch ball every time you lie..
This is a changing peeve.. cuz if it didn't change.. there wouldn't BE a relationship.. there wouldn't BE a chick for him to lie to anymore.
Even when you see them lie to other people.. their parents included.. about dumb stuff you know not to be true... RED. FLAG. KNOCK IT OFF OR YOU WILL DIE ALONE.
Other pet peeves:
Texting on dates: PUT YOUR DANG PHONE DOWN! I'm only with you for like an hour.. you are not a doctor.. you are NOT on call at a hospital.. the world isn't going to end while we're on our date.. and if it does... nobody's gonna TEXT you about it fool.
i am in front of you.. i should be a priority..
Guys that aren't gentlemen: get my door.. say please and thank you.. treat me with respect.. or don't expect a second THOUGHT let alone a second date!
Guys that talk like they don't speak english.. or like they didn't pass the 2nd grade:
'yo guuurl wasss good?'.. clearly not your literacy.
'i wuzz like thinkin we should get togetha or sumfin fun reeallss soon.. ya feel me?'...yaaaa.. i'm gonna say NO.
'what doing'.. excuse me?
'you h8ter.. you don like mah staheeeeze?'
no you retard. i don't... speak english.
Guys that say 'lol': to ME.. it's a sign of femininity.. when in an actual convo would you stop and say.. "lol".. never.
say haha. it shows that you're actually laughing.
-i fully admit that this is one of my retarded ones. i apologize.. but it bugs.
I"m gonna throw in when people don't return phone calls and/or text back.. cuz i never ever do and i know it bugs people... i'm sorry!!
buuut. let me chastise my people..
fellow lazy people that hate cell phones... we have 3 seconds to shoot someone a text back or 10 seconds to answer a phone call no matter what we're doing.. we need to be more considerate.
People that don't say thank you:
This is HUGE with girls on dates... hun.. the dude just paid for your entire evening.. nope.. nope he didn't HAVE to... it's nowhere in the rule book! he just did something VERY nice for you... and i KNOW he likes to be appreciated... SAY THANK YOU!!
If i'm on a date with a guy and he's not nice to the waiting staff.. i'm like seeee yyaaaaaa you jerk.. treat every single person like they're important. be classy.
Someone who wont take the person they're dating around their friends:
What are you....? ashamed of them? If YOU like them.. chances are.. your friends are gonna be JUST fine with them! and if you see it going ANYWHERE.. and you would like to have SOME friends in the future... you need to mesh the 2.
A common one i've found with girls:
guys that just want to 'hang out' and not 'date'..
where is hanging out gonna get you? nowhere. ask a chick on a date.
A common one with dudes:
Girls think that guys have to initiate EVERYTHING..
girls girls GIRLS!!! yall need to man up and don't make them do ALL the work!!
ya at first it's nice to be pursued.. but if you don't give ANYTHING back.. they're gonna get tired of chasin it..
show affection back! kiss them first sometimes! make them dinner! pay for the dollar movie every once in a while! let them know that you care!
The problem with being human is that we ALL have imperfections.. and chances are.. we find our OWN imperfections unattractive and annoying in other people...
THATS BAD.
we need to learn to accept people how they are.. and when the couple 'changing' peeves come up.. then it's ok to talk about them...
if you start out fundamentally saying EVERY. SINGLE. THING. you want to change about someone... go find someone else!!
Don't judge.. you're not perfect. Don't gossip.. you would hate to be on the losing end of it..
and take constructive criticism with an open mind and a grain of salt.. cuz people are DIFFERENT... they're SUPPOSED TO BE! Everyone can be refined.. and when we find and date people that make us better people.. we will know that we've won.
BE different. BE yourself.. and you'll BE happy.
Until Tomorrow!
xoxox
-Callymon
March 27, 2011
.. That's not my name..
I've been called many things in my life.. many things i'm sure i'm not even aware of..
from nick-names.. to family names... to mean names.. to nice names.. named by rumors.. named by school... named by career choice.. named by boyfriend...
from.. 'that one blonde chick from skyline that hangs out with....' to 'oooh ya! that's the chick that....'
I name everything in my life... furniture included!
Every boy that has ever been in my life.. or one of my sisters... has a name that their mama didn't give them.. that they're known as around my apartment and my house.. some.. are nicer than others..
Our basement just flooded... so we got all new furniture.. and oooooh did i go to town on naming THAT!! .. we've always had a big.. huge.. giant.. hot-tub couch that fills a whole alcove in our basement.
When i was in 8th grade.. i decided it needed a name.. Austin is what we came up with.. and Austin has been Austin ever since. He now has a short leather couch next to him named 'Willow'.. a longer leather couch named 'Ron Burgendy'.. a rug named Svahnk.. it's quite the crew!
I had a pillow in my apartment that was white and fuzzy.. it's name was zeus.. and it was my guard pillow...
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet "
What's in a title..? Whether you name something or not.. it doesn't change what it is..
We name EVERYTHING. We title EVERYTHING in our lives.. We can't help it.. It keeps the world on the same page...
In order to have a common language.. to be able to understand what the heck ANYONE says to each other.. we have to name everything.
If someone calls a tree.. a flower.. it doesn't change the fact that it's a tree.. and the person calling it a flower just looks demented.
I can call Austin.. Austin.. but it doesn't change the fact that he's a couch..
THINGS in this world are so straight forward like that...
If someone told you that there were no arms on a chair.. and you could clearly see that there were arms on it... you wouldn't believe them.. and again.. you'd question their eyesight.. and probably sanity.
A chair.. is always going to act like a chair... you would never be blindsided into thinking.. "woooaahhhh this chair is TOTALLY acting like a cupboard.."
Yet PEOPLE.. are so much more complex!
You can tell people that someone is your best friend...
but if you're kissing them.. hanging out with them every second.. and having "casual dinners" every week.... bro. i'm sorry... you're dating them.
call it what you want.. name it what you want... it doesn't change what it is.
so.. the first part of this.. i'm gonna tell you how insignificant these names are..
they are either simply stating the obvious.. covering something up or a lie.. or defining something..that even left undefined would be the same thing.. only without a name.
Call me what you want.. it doesn't change who i am.
My friend Taylor is in a relationship with this guy.. Rick.
Rick has a "best friend" that is not Taylor.. Her name is Rachel. Rick goes to Rachel with all of his problems.. she knows everything about his relationship with Taylor.. and gives him advice about it all the time! She's "one of his boys"... "one of his homies".. They've never dated... never kissed.. and Rick told Taylor that it was strictly friendly.. that she had absolutely nothing to worry about..
However.. instead of going to Taylor about problems they were having in their own relationship.. he didn't want to be naggy.. so he would talk it over with Rachel to get over it.
He didn't want Taylor to worry about the things going wrong in his life.. so he would take them to Rach.
The more issues Rick and Taylor had... the closer him and Rach got..
The closer Rick and Rach got... the farther apart Him and taylor got....
He could name it what he wanted... he could title it and define it in anyway he wanted to justify the situation...
it couldn't change what it was.
He was choosing Rachel over Taylor.. and The Taylor-Rick relationship was jeopardized for the sake of the Rick-Rachel one.
He could blow blue smoke out his pie hole to Tay about Rach being just a friend as much as he wanted... Rachel was more his girlfriend than taylor was.. because he was treating her like it.
Charolette was talking to her.. sort-of-almost-but not quite- boyfriend (we know how THAT goes..) about a rumor she heard.
The rumor was that he was kissing a bunch of other people.. which obviously didn't make her very happy..
When she addressed the rumor.. he claimed that he had kissed ONE girl.. and HE didn't even kiss HER.. SHE kissed HIM!! so OBVIOUSLY it should've been ok..
He said that he didn't have any feelings whatsoever for this dumb ho that he kissed so he hadn't mentioned it... he thought it was insignificant and unimportant.
HE. WAS. WRONG.
This situation was titled... "She kissed me!"
Hey Dummy... 2 lips lock.... there is kissing involved.... It doesn't matter who went the 90 and who went the 10.. you kissed EACH OTHER! and excuse me Mr. Brain fart... if you didn't care about the girl AT ALL... then why the heck did you kiss her retard?!
If it HONESTLY didn't even matter enough for you to bring it up to your almost-sort of girlfriend.. when clearly if she found out it would cause contention.. then why did you do it?!
No. You're sorry because you got caught. AT LEAST give it the proper name....
title the situation.. "i'm sorry! it shouldn't have happened.." or even "Yes we kissed.. it was at a rough time i should've said something now that we're moving forward.."
But no. you are a man. complete with a male ego.. complete with a knack for scheming and pushing the envelope..
You don't admit things until they are brought to the surface... then you try and talk your way out of them.. THEN when all the facts are on the table.. you're ready to move on!!
Take notes bud...
Girls are different than guys!
Guys get in a fight.. punch each other.. and 5 seconds later are best friends again without even talking through ANYTHING..
GIRLS on the other hand... if you get in a fight... we want to know why.. how.. what.. who. and where.. and we want straight up honest answers!
No.. she kissed me.. no.. ya buuut.. JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED!
if you are honest.. if you get the issue on the table.. THEN and ONLY THEN do we have an opportunity to forgive you... the more you mess up the story.. the more you try and get around it... the deeper the hole your diggin gets.. and the more shady you become in our eyes.
We're not retarded.. we like to move on from things too.. just let us bask on FACTS for a sec and get a little venting out of our system!!
Then.. if you've done something wrong... apologize.. melt our hearts.. maybe throw some yellow roses in if you were that much of a tool... THEN we'll move on!
Thank you.
So.. "she kissed me".. and "We kissed".. are the same thing.
call it what you will.. it still happened.. hence.. the insignificance of the name..
its a bad interpretation of what went down.
"Best friend".. and "girl i spend more time and energy on than you" are the same thing..
at least if you were calling it by its REAL name you would recognize it! buuut.. still an insignificant name..
However insignificant the name is.. if named the right thing.. it puts everyone on the same page..
we're gonna talk about the importance of giving something the RIGHT name..
Nobody would know a tree is a tree unless you name it and call it a tree... when everyone is one the same page.. recognizing that it's a tree.. we don't have anxiety of 'what the heck is that brown thing with leaves growing out of it..!?'
Guys... us girls aren't schizophrenic.. we don't have anxiety ALLLLL the time about what's going on in our relationships..
we aren't as needy as you make us out to be! we don't need validation of your affection for us if you show it! We wouldn't be questioning ANYTHING if we felt secure in the relationships you put us through! We don't ENJOY being on crack!! Just man up! Tell us you love us! SHOW us you love us... Give our relationship the stupid titles we need to know you're not going anywhere.. then we'll CALM DOWN!
The reason we want to have a 'name' for our relationship is so that we can know what it is! We see you afraid of a title and think...'he must not want to be with me'.. or 'he HAS to want to be with someone else'
YOU look at a title as something dumb.. that doesn't need to be defined because.. whether you call it something or not.. it doesn't change what it is.
GIRLS... here's your wake up call. THEY'RE RIGHT. it doesn't change what you are whether you title it or not..
GUYS... understand WHY they want you to!! They feel like if they don't tie you down and brand you.. that you're gonna run away from them!
Names are insignificant... however.. when used for good and not evil... when used appropriately.. they calm the troubled and bring clarity to confusion..
They are necessary to communicate.
A rose by any other name.. yaaaa shakespeare it would smell just as sweet... it would still BE a rose.. but if someone called it another name.. people wouldn't know they were talking about a rose..
Call me what you want.. it doesn't change who i am..
but call me what i am.. and you'll understand me more..
Call me my name.. and i'll answer!
until tomorrow!
xoxo
-McCracka
from nick-names.. to family names... to mean names.. to nice names.. named by rumors.. named by school... named by career choice.. named by boyfriend...
from.. 'that one blonde chick from skyline that hangs out with....' to 'oooh ya! that's the chick that....'
I name everything in my life... furniture included!
Every boy that has ever been in my life.. or one of my sisters... has a name that their mama didn't give them.. that they're known as around my apartment and my house.. some.. are nicer than others..
Our basement just flooded... so we got all new furniture.. and oooooh did i go to town on naming THAT!! .. we've always had a big.. huge.. giant.. hot-tub couch that fills a whole alcove in our basement.
When i was in 8th grade.. i decided it needed a name.. Austin is what we came up with.. and Austin has been Austin ever since. He now has a short leather couch next to him named 'Willow'.. a longer leather couch named 'Ron Burgendy'.. a rug named Svahnk.. it's quite the crew!
I had a pillow in my apartment that was white and fuzzy.. it's name was zeus.. and it was my guard pillow...
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet "
What's in a title..? Whether you name something or not.. it doesn't change what it is..
We name EVERYTHING. We title EVERYTHING in our lives.. We can't help it.. It keeps the world on the same page...
In order to have a common language.. to be able to understand what the heck ANYONE says to each other.. we have to name everything.
If someone calls a tree.. a flower.. it doesn't change the fact that it's a tree.. and the person calling it a flower just looks demented.
I can call Austin.. Austin.. but it doesn't change the fact that he's a couch..
THINGS in this world are so straight forward like that...
If someone told you that there were no arms on a chair.. and you could clearly see that there were arms on it... you wouldn't believe them.. and again.. you'd question their eyesight.. and probably sanity.
A chair.. is always going to act like a chair... you would never be blindsided into thinking.. "woooaahhhh this chair is TOTALLY acting like a cupboard.."
Yet PEOPLE.. are so much more complex!
You can tell people that someone is your best friend...
but if you're kissing them.. hanging out with them every second.. and having "casual dinners" every week.... bro. i'm sorry... you're dating them.
call it what you want.. name it what you want... it doesn't change what it is.
so.. the first part of this.. i'm gonna tell you how insignificant these names are..
they are either simply stating the obvious.. covering something up or a lie.. or defining something..that even left undefined would be the same thing.. only without a name.
Call me what you want.. it doesn't change who i am.
My friend Taylor is in a relationship with this guy.. Rick.
Rick has a "best friend" that is not Taylor.. Her name is Rachel. Rick goes to Rachel with all of his problems.. she knows everything about his relationship with Taylor.. and gives him advice about it all the time! She's "one of his boys"... "one of his homies".. They've never dated... never kissed.. and Rick told Taylor that it was strictly friendly.. that she had absolutely nothing to worry about..
However.. instead of going to Taylor about problems they were having in their own relationship.. he didn't want to be naggy.. so he would talk it over with Rachel to get over it.
He didn't want Taylor to worry about the things going wrong in his life.. so he would take them to Rach.
The more issues Rick and Taylor had... the closer him and Rach got..
The closer Rick and Rach got... the farther apart Him and taylor got....
He could name it what he wanted... he could title it and define it in anyway he wanted to justify the situation...
it couldn't change what it was.
He was choosing Rachel over Taylor.. and The Taylor-Rick relationship was jeopardized for the sake of the Rick-Rachel one.
He could blow blue smoke out his pie hole to Tay about Rach being just a friend as much as he wanted... Rachel was more his girlfriend than taylor was.. because he was treating her like it.
Charolette was talking to her.. sort-of-almost-but not quite- boyfriend (we know how THAT goes..) about a rumor she heard.
The rumor was that he was kissing a bunch of other people.. which obviously didn't make her very happy..
When she addressed the rumor.. he claimed that he had kissed ONE girl.. and HE didn't even kiss HER.. SHE kissed HIM!! so OBVIOUSLY it should've been ok..
He said that he didn't have any feelings whatsoever for this dumb ho that he kissed so he hadn't mentioned it... he thought it was insignificant and unimportant.
HE. WAS. WRONG.
This situation was titled... "She kissed me!"
Hey Dummy... 2 lips lock.... there is kissing involved.... It doesn't matter who went the 90 and who went the 10.. you kissed EACH OTHER! and excuse me Mr. Brain fart... if you didn't care about the girl AT ALL... then why the heck did you kiss her retard?!
If it HONESTLY didn't even matter enough for you to bring it up to your almost-sort of girlfriend.. when clearly if she found out it would cause contention.. then why did you do it?!
No. You're sorry because you got caught. AT LEAST give it the proper name....
title the situation.. "i'm sorry! it shouldn't have happened.." or even "Yes we kissed.. it was at a rough time i should've said something now that we're moving forward.."
But no. you are a man. complete with a male ego.. complete with a knack for scheming and pushing the envelope..
You don't admit things until they are brought to the surface... then you try and talk your way out of them.. THEN when all the facts are on the table.. you're ready to move on!!
Take notes bud...
Girls are different than guys!
Guys get in a fight.. punch each other.. and 5 seconds later are best friends again without even talking through ANYTHING..
GIRLS on the other hand... if you get in a fight... we want to know why.. how.. what.. who. and where.. and we want straight up honest answers!
No.. she kissed me.. no.. ya buuut.. JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED!
if you are honest.. if you get the issue on the table.. THEN and ONLY THEN do we have an opportunity to forgive you... the more you mess up the story.. the more you try and get around it... the deeper the hole your diggin gets.. and the more shady you become in our eyes.
We're not retarded.. we like to move on from things too.. just let us bask on FACTS for a sec and get a little venting out of our system!!
Then.. if you've done something wrong... apologize.. melt our hearts.. maybe throw some yellow roses in if you were that much of a tool... THEN we'll move on!
Thank you.
So.. "she kissed me".. and "We kissed".. are the same thing.
call it what you will.. it still happened.. hence.. the insignificance of the name..
its a bad interpretation of what went down.
"Best friend".. and "girl i spend more time and energy on than you" are the same thing..
at least if you were calling it by its REAL name you would recognize it! buuut.. still an insignificant name..
However insignificant the name is.. if named the right thing.. it puts everyone on the same page..
we're gonna talk about the importance of giving something the RIGHT name..
Nobody would know a tree is a tree unless you name it and call it a tree... when everyone is one the same page.. recognizing that it's a tree.. we don't have anxiety of 'what the heck is that brown thing with leaves growing out of it..!?'
Guys... us girls aren't schizophrenic.. we don't have anxiety ALLLLL the time about what's going on in our relationships..
we aren't as needy as you make us out to be! we don't need validation of your affection for us if you show it! We wouldn't be questioning ANYTHING if we felt secure in the relationships you put us through! We don't ENJOY being on crack!! Just man up! Tell us you love us! SHOW us you love us... Give our relationship the stupid titles we need to know you're not going anywhere.. then we'll CALM DOWN!
The reason we want to have a 'name' for our relationship is so that we can know what it is! We see you afraid of a title and think...'he must not want to be with me'.. or 'he HAS to want to be with someone else'
YOU look at a title as something dumb.. that doesn't need to be defined because.. whether you call it something or not.. it doesn't change what it is.
GIRLS... here's your wake up call. THEY'RE RIGHT. it doesn't change what you are whether you title it or not..
GUYS... understand WHY they want you to!! They feel like if they don't tie you down and brand you.. that you're gonna run away from them!
Names are insignificant... however.. when used for good and not evil... when used appropriately.. they calm the troubled and bring clarity to confusion..
They are necessary to communicate.
A rose by any other name.. yaaaa shakespeare it would smell just as sweet... it would still BE a rose.. but if someone called it another name.. people wouldn't know they were talking about a rose..
Call me what you want.. it doesn't change who i am..
but call me what i am.. and you'll understand me more..
Call me my name.. and i'll answer!
until tomorrow!
xoxo
-McCracka
March 25, 2011
Blind sided..
I know i've said before that music makes everything make sense.. that i literally have a soundtrack to my life playing in my head ALL the time.. At happy times.. a great upbeat 'You make my dreams come true' by Hall and Oats is rockin in my noggin.. When i'm sad.. Celine ballads usually do the trick..
The soundtrack to our lives DEFINITELY doesn't yield to love lives.. in fact.. sometimes these tracks screw us over by enhancing the feelings that we're feeling already!
Music can make you fall in love.. it can make you sadder than you really are.. it does CRAZY THINGS!
Now.. i know that we're in the 'ipod' days.. but the soundtrack of love is DEFINITELY on a cd.. a scratched.. stomped on.. whacked out.. cd!
We wrestle both sad and happy emotions at the same time.. making the music CRACKED OUT!
This soundtrack is called 'Fearful'
I literally drive around in my car.. not knowing whether to listen to sad music or happy music..
I don't know if i'm supposed to let myself be happy where i'm at... or prepare myself for things that could be coming emotionally..
Fear immobilizes us. Fear makes us do things illogical and scary!! Fear makes us run away from things.. to things.. into things.. around things.. its horrible!!!!
The absence of confidence is fear.
Fear is insecurity...
The absence of security..
Fear is lost hope..
We fear things we can't control.. and we fear things we don't know..
We are afraid to be left alone.. in the dark.. and be completely taken by surprise..
i am deathly afraid of the dark. i always have been.
In high school.. when all my friends' parents would go out of town they'd be stolked!! They got the house to themselves to do what they pleased.. they didn't have to answer to anyone...
I.. however.. couldn't spend ONE NIGHT alone in my dark scary house! Every creek.. every rumble.. every tree against my window.. was a crazy ax murderer rapist coming to slaughter me in my sleep!
My basement was a camp ground for monsters.. my closet a rest stop for ghosts..
Angry men.. psychotic dudes with arm hair fetishes that would force me to shave my legs or something crazy.. i couldn't handle it...
i would call my aunt and sleep at her house!
The dark is the epitomy of the unknown! Things linger in the dark.. it blinds us.. literally! Anything could be happening around us.. and if it's dark.. we wouldn't know!!! AHH!! now YOU'RE afraid of the dark too huh! ...TOLD YOU!!!!
But fear is scary! It keeps us from doing things we should.. or would've otherwise..
One of my best friends Emily had her heart raked through the coals this week...
Her and her boyfriend Max had the most stable.. incredible.. secure.. relationship i've ever seen. They were in each other's lives to make each other happy! They didn't HAVE to be together every single second to know of their love for each other.. but they couldn't stay AWAY from each other..
They were a part of each other's families.. they WERE each other's family! No problem was left unsolved.. no issue left untalked about... They were lovers.. friends.. enemies... whatever they needed each other to be at the moment. They were each other's everything.
They had been dating.. coming up on 2 years this month..
One day Max started acting weird while Emily was on his computer.. she couldn't figure out where the sketchiness was coming from.. they had always gotten on each other's computers..? Em let it eat at her while he monitored her every move... she got the impression he was trying to hide something.. that Max had been lying about something.. but she couldn't put her finger on it so she decided not to say anything.. She told herself that she was just being dumb and that saying something would cause more harm than good at this point... so she kept quiet.
A few days later insecurity started coming out.. Emily casually asked Max who he was texting.. with a quick 'nobody'.. change the subject.. and put his phone down... Emily KNEW something was up.
A couple months earlier Max had been texting a girl named Kim he went to high school with that now lived out of state.. Emily knew that this girl had always had a 'thing' for Max.. and when she found out they were texting she was pretty bugged about it. She rightfully asked him to stop texting this chick cuz - not that she didn't trust him... but Kim was a sketchy pants.. and it made her feel uncomfortable knowing that his subconscious was getting more than it's fill of anti-emily thoughts from Kim.
Max had appoligized and said that he would never do anything to make Em feel uncomfortable....
crock. of. crap.
As soon as the new sketchy situation was brought up... Emily's thoughts went straight to Kim..
She asked him if he'd been texting Kim.. and if thats why he had been so sketchy...
Within hours of this conversation.. Emily and Max broke up..
Max ended up being someone that Em had never expected..
He had been lying about talking to Kim.. Texting her inappropriately behind Emily's back.. and not respecting the 2 FREAKING YEAR relationship he had with Emily at ALL!
He completely undermined it.. denying their closeness to Kim and talking crap about HIS GIRLFRIEND to some sketchy skank ho that would do whatever he wanted..
Emily was completely blind sided!! ALL of our friends were! Her sense of security has completely been rocked. The thoughts that fill her mind are that she should've seen it coming.. that she wasn't good enough or that if she had only said something more a couple months ago.. that it never would've ended this way..
The rock in her life crumbled.. and the angels of heartbreak cried more for her this week than anyone..
Emily.. this was completely out of your control.. there's absolutely nothing you could've done to prevent it.. and no way you could've known that this was coming..
Max was a huge stepping stone for you.. you learned things from him you never would've otherwise..
He taught you how to love.. how to feel.. how to question.. how to get what you want.. and how to rise above situations.. how to be the bigger person.. and find strength in yourself when you thought you had none.
You will recover.. you will heal.. and you will be a much better person because of this heartache.
You're going to find the things you loved in Max in someone else.. someone better for you.. and better for your life.
One day you WILL be able to look back at this and see why it was supposed to happen...
hang in there.
This fear is of something we can't control.
Love is scary.. because as much as you THINK you can control your OWN emotions.. you absolutely can NOT control the emotions and actions of others..
You leap.. you fall.. you hope and pray someone else is doing the same..
Another friend of mine named Karen is running around her love-house.. turning on all the lights.. determined to never be surprised.
Karen looks at Emily's situation and is scared for her life! Her fear of the dark is rising and rising.. hopefully soon to hit a peak where the fear can subside again..
Karen hasn't been in a relationship for a couple years.. The last boyfriend she had..tom.. had completely blind sided her as well.. just in a different way..
She thought everything was amazing and only getting better.. they loved each other.. and they had promised each other that they always would...
One day.. completely out of the blue.. Tom broke her heart.
He told her that all their talk of 'forever' had been a joke to him... that he was 'just kidding'.. and she would have to understand that.
Since this experience.. Karen has been anti-boy.. anti-relationship.. and anti-feelings..
She recently met an AMAZING guy named John..
John is good to her... he's everything she would want in a boyfriend.. if she hadn't sworn off having boyfriends..
She's happy with John... but... like me.. she doesn't know whether to rock out to 'I think i'm in Love' by Jessica Simpson.. or memorize the words to 'Last Kiss' by T-swift JUST in case...
Her own happiness is terrifying her.. and the closer they get.. the more scared she becomes.
She assumes that all men are like Tom.. that everything he tells her.. he will someday take back.. that every promise.. every compliment.. will soon have to be paid for in tears..
Karen.. you have to let yourself love again.
Love is scary.. like i said... but it should NEVER keep you from feeling!
NOBODY is happy alone... and you are bringing your situation upon yourself..
you have to be OPEN to the idea of being hurt again so that you can let yourself GO! Have faith that if it's supposed to happen with John.. that it will!! and if he breaks your heart.. you will have refined yourself in another.. preparing your heart for the joy that is in store..
It's ok to be hurt... It shows us we're human!
But we have to learn that with hurt... we shouldn't build walls..
Just because we get broken down.. doesn't mean we should gear up for war!
Our broken moments are beautiful after they pass.. they show us who we are.. they show us that we're capable of loving someone outside of ourselves so much that it hurts us to lose them..
and these moments really do prepare us to embrace a world full of happiness when our prince charming comes along!
Right now.. it's hard to imagine your life certain ways.. open your mind.. open your heart.. open your feelings.. and take off our masks.
Karen.. stop trying to put a band-aid over unbroken skin...
Grab ben.. grab jerry.. grab a chick flick and some fuzzy socks... and wait it out.
You're going to be fine... both of you. I promise.
xox
-McConfider
The soundtrack to our lives DEFINITELY doesn't yield to love lives.. in fact.. sometimes these tracks screw us over by enhancing the feelings that we're feeling already!
Music can make you fall in love.. it can make you sadder than you really are.. it does CRAZY THINGS!
Now.. i know that we're in the 'ipod' days.. but the soundtrack of love is DEFINITELY on a cd.. a scratched.. stomped on.. whacked out.. cd!
We wrestle both sad and happy emotions at the same time.. making the music CRACKED OUT!
This soundtrack is called 'Fearful'
I literally drive around in my car.. not knowing whether to listen to sad music or happy music..
I don't know if i'm supposed to let myself be happy where i'm at... or prepare myself for things that could be coming emotionally..
Fear immobilizes us. Fear makes us do things illogical and scary!! Fear makes us run away from things.. to things.. into things.. around things.. its horrible!!!!
The absence of confidence is fear.
Fear is insecurity...
The absence of security..
Fear is lost hope..
We fear things we can't control.. and we fear things we don't know..
We are afraid to be left alone.. in the dark.. and be completely taken by surprise..
i am deathly afraid of the dark. i always have been.
In high school.. when all my friends' parents would go out of town they'd be stolked!! They got the house to themselves to do what they pleased.. they didn't have to answer to anyone...
I.. however.. couldn't spend ONE NIGHT alone in my dark scary house! Every creek.. every rumble.. every tree against my window.. was a crazy ax murderer rapist coming to slaughter me in my sleep!
My basement was a camp ground for monsters.. my closet a rest stop for ghosts..
Angry men.. psychotic dudes with arm hair fetishes that would force me to shave my legs or something crazy.. i couldn't handle it...
i would call my aunt and sleep at her house!
The dark is the epitomy of the unknown! Things linger in the dark.. it blinds us.. literally! Anything could be happening around us.. and if it's dark.. we wouldn't know!!! AHH!! now YOU'RE afraid of the dark too huh! ...TOLD YOU!!!!
But fear is scary! It keeps us from doing things we should.. or would've otherwise..
One of my best friends Emily had her heart raked through the coals this week...
Her and her boyfriend Max had the most stable.. incredible.. secure.. relationship i've ever seen. They were in each other's lives to make each other happy! They didn't HAVE to be together every single second to know of their love for each other.. but they couldn't stay AWAY from each other..
They were a part of each other's families.. they WERE each other's family! No problem was left unsolved.. no issue left untalked about... They were lovers.. friends.. enemies... whatever they needed each other to be at the moment. They were each other's everything.
They had been dating.. coming up on 2 years this month..
One day Max started acting weird while Emily was on his computer.. she couldn't figure out where the sketchiness was coming from.. they had always gotten on each other's computers..? Em let it eat at her while he monitored her every move... she got the impression he was trying to hide something.. that Max had been lying about something.. but she couldn't put her finger on it so she decided not to say anything.. She told herself that she was just being dumb and that saying something would cause more harm than good at this point... so she kept quiet.
A few days later insecurity started coming out.. Emily casually asked Max who he was texting.. with a quick 'nobody'.. change the subject.. and put his phone down... Emily KNEW something was up.
A couple months earlier Max had been texting a girl named Kim he went to high school with that now lived out of state.. Emily knew that this girl had always had a 'thing' for Max.. and when she found out they were texting she was pretty bugged about it. She rightfully asked him to stop texting this chick cuz - not that she didn't trust him... but Kim was a sketchy pants.. and it made her feel uncomfortable knowing that his subconscious was getting more than it's fill of anti-emily thoughts from Kim.
Max had appoligized and said that he would never do anything to make Em feel uncomfortable....
crock. of. crap.
As soon as the new sketchy situation was brought up... Emily's thoughts went straight to Kim..
She asked him if he'd been texting Kim.. and if thats why he had been so sketchy...
Within hours of this conversation.. Emily and Max broke up..
Max ended up being someone that Em had never expected..
He had been lying about talking to Kim.. Texting her inappropriately behind Emily's back.. and not respecting the 2 FREAKING YEAR relationship he had with Emily at ALL!
He completely undermined it.. denying their closeness to Kim and talking crap about HIS GIRLFRIEND to some sketchy skank ho that would do whatever he wanted..
Emily was completely blind sided!! ALL of our friends were! Her sense of security has completely been rocked. The thoughts that fill her mind are that she should've seen it coming.. that she wasn't good enough or that if she had only said something more a couple months ago.. that it never would've ended this way..
The rock in her life crumbled.. and the angels of heartbreak cried more for her this week than anyone..
Emily.. this was completely out of your control.. there's absolutely nothing you could've done to prevent it.. and no way you could've known that this was coming..
Max was a huge stepping stone for you.. you learned things from him you never would've otherwise..
He taught you how to love.. how to feel.. how to question.. how to get what you want.. and how to rise above situations.. how to be the bigger person.. and find strength in yourself when you thought you had none.
You will recover.. you will heal.. and you will be a much better person because of this heartache.
You're going to find the things you loved in Max in someone else.. someone better for you.. and better for your life.
One day you WILL be able to look back at this and see why it was supposed to happen...
hang in there.
This fear is of something we can't control.
Love is scary.. because as much as you THINK you can control your OWN emotions.. you absolutely can NOT control the emotions and actions of others..
You leap.. you fall.. you hope and pray someone else is doing the same..
Another friend of mine named Karen is running around her love-house.. turning on all the lights.. determined to never be surprised.
Karen looks at Emily's situation and is scared for her life! Her fear of the dark is rising and rising.. hopefully soon to hit a peak where the fear can subside again..
Karen hasn't been in a relationship for a couple years.. The last boyfriend she had..tom.. had completely blind sided her as well.. just in a different way..
She thought everything was amazing and only getting better.. they loved each other.. and they had promised each other that they always would...
One day.. completely out of the blue.. Tom broke her heart.
He told her that all their talk of 'forever' had been a joke to him... that he was 'just kidding'.. and she would have to understand that.
Since this experience.. Karen has been anti-boy.. anti-relationship.. and anti-feelings..
She recently met an AMAZING guy named John..
John is good to her... he's everything she would want in a boyfriend.. if she hadn't sworn off having boyfriends..
She's happy with John... but... like me.. she doesn't know whether to rock out to 'I think i'm in Love' by Jessica Simpson.. or memorize the words to 'Last Kiss' by T-swift JUST in case...
Her own happiness is terrifying her.. and the closer they get.. the more scared she becomes.
She assumes that all men are like Tom.. that everything he tells her.. he will someday take back.. that every promise.. every compliment.. will soon have to be paid for in tears..
Karen.. you have to let yourself love again.
Love is scary.. like i said... but it should NEVER keep you from feeling!
NOBODY is happy alone... and you are bringing your situation upon yourself..
you have to be OPEN to the idea of being hurt again so that you can let yourself GO! Have faith that if it's supposed to happen with John.. that it will!! and if he breaks your heart.. you will have refined yourself in another.. preparing your heart for the joy that is in store..
It's ok to be hurt... It shows us we're human!
But we have to learn that with hurt... we shouldn't build walls..
Just because we get broken down.. doesn't mean we should gear up for war!
Our broken moments are beautiful after they pass.. they show us who we are.. they show us that we're capable of loving someone outside of ourselves so much that it hurts us to lose them..
and these moments really do prepare us to embrace a world full of happiness when our prince charming comes along!
Right now.. it's hard to imagine your life certain ways.. open your mind.. open your heart.. open your feelings.. and take off our masks.
Karen.. stop trying to put a band-aid over unbroken skin...
Grab ben.. grab jerry.. grab a chick flick and some fuzzy socks... and wait it out.
You're going to be fine... both of you. I promise.
xox
-McConfider
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